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1
00:00:04,340 --> 00:00:05,976
Arnold, wait a
second, hold the door.
2
00:00:06,059 --> 00:00:07,100
I wanna pass out
the latest edition
3
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:08,001
of "The Buchanan bugle."
4
00:00:08,001 --> 00:00:10,642
Oh here, let me carry some.
5
00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,445
Oh, butterfingers.
6
00:00:15,229 --> 00:00:19,676
You know, Mary, you're doing
so much on this school paper.
7
00:00:19,759 --> 00:00:24,938
You're the writer,
the editor, the paperboy.
8
00:00:25,021 --> 00:00:28,163
- Boy, Arnold?
- Paper person.
9
00:00:28,163 --> 00:00:29,621
[chuckles]
10
00:00:30,407 --> 00:00:34,072
Oh, and everybody
just loves the paper.
11
00:00:34,155 --> 00:00:36,939
They just can't wait for
the next issue to come out.
12
00:00:36,959 --> 00:00:39,438
They read it from
cover to cover.
13
00:00:39,521 --> 00:00:41,784
Oh, thank you, Arnold.
14
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,311
Listen, I know we were
gonna study Friday night
15
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:46,290
for that exam on Monday
but I have to beg off.
16
00:00:46,373 --> 00:00:48,395
I-I have to lay out some ads.
17
00:00:48,395 --> 00:00:49,634
Oh.
18
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:50,717
Oh, well, that-that's okay.
19
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,623
How about on Saturday then?
20
00:00:52,623 --> 00:00:55,546
Oh, I'm sorry, I have
to type up the new stories.
21
00:00:55,629 --> 00:00:58,150
Sunday for sure.
22
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:05,941
Okay.
23
00:01:06,088 --> 00:01:07,676
See you later.
24
00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:14,690
Hi.
25
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:17,905
Extra, extra, read all about it.
26
00:01:17,988 --> 00:01:21,811
"The Buchanan bugle,"
hot off the presses.
27
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:23,473
Hand 'em out now, Arnold.
28
00:01:23,556 --> 00:01:25,436
It'll be a while before
Epstein figures out
29
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:28,340
what he's supposed
to do with that projector.
30
00:01:30,787 --> 00:01:34,290
Informed students
make better lovers.
31
00:01:35,831 --> 00:01:40,453
One for you, and some
for you, and some...
32
00:01:40,536 --> 00:01:44,900
There are plenty of pictures
if you can't read, you know?
33
00:01:45,423 --> 00:01:48,905
One for you and one
for you and one for you
34
00:01:48,988 --> 00:01:50,550
and one for you.
And one for me.
35
00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:52,750
Alright, sit down, Horshack.
36
00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:55,531
Now we'll have a
film about Bolivia.
37
00:01:55,536 --> 00:01:57,897
And then we'll have a test.
38
00:01:57,980 --> 00:01:59,780
- Oh.
- Roll it, Epstein.
39
00:01:59,863 --> 00:02:02,663
Ready and action.
40
00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,639
[clatter]
41
00:02:10,647 --> 00:02:12,209
Forget picking up
the film, Epstein.
42
00:02:12,292 --> 00:02:13,454
- Just take your seat.
- It's alright.
43
00:02:13,454 --> 00:02:15,825
I will be ready
for take two in a second.
44
00:02:15,825 --> 00:02:18,576
Get your buns in your chair.
45
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,601
Come on, just give me
a second here.
46
00:02:20,684 --> 00:02:23,382
That's what you said yesterday
when you broke the sprocket
47
00:02:23,428 --> 00:02:26,598
and the day before when
you ran the wrong film.
48
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:30,415
Are you saying I
ain't incompetent?
49
00:02:34,306 --> 00:02:37,174
I'm saying you're washed
up as school projectionist.
50
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:39,390
I don't want you touching
the equipment anymore.
51
00:02:39,473 --> 00:02:41,236
Wait a second now.
You can't do this to me.
52
00:02:41,256 --> 00:02:43,625
I gave meaning
to this crummy job.
53
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,521
I'm sick of your
blundering, Epstein.
54
00:02:46,604 --> 00:02:50,206
I'm assigning you to something
you can't make any worse.
55
00:02:50,288 --> 00:02:53,400
From now on, you're working
on the school newspaper.
56
00:02:54,980 --> 00:02:56,895
Wow, man,
"The Buchanan bugle"?
57
00:02:56,978 --> 00:03:00,148
Hey man, I wouldn't put that
paper under my dog.
58
00:03:01,399 --> 00:03:03,406
Put that film away
and take your seat.
59
00:03:03,489 --> 00:03:06,026
Can we talk about Bolivia?
60
00:03:06,109 --> 00:03:07,692
Uh, forget Bolivia, Mr. Woodman.
61
00:03:07,775 --> 00:03:09,979
The white mice are loose
in the biology lab.
62
00:03:09,999 --> 00:03:12,139
We've got to get them
back in their cages.
63
00:03:12,222 --> 00:03:13,903
Well, can't you
take care of it?
64
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:16,166
Mr. Woodman, you're
so much better at that.
65
00:03:16,249 --> 00:03:18,351
You've got a way with mice.
66
00:03:20,212 --> 00:03:22,657
Beauregard, you're in charge.
I'll take care of the mice.
67
00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,261
You watch the rats.
68
00:03:24,261 --> 00:03:26,154
[laughs]
69
00:03:26,785 --> 00:03:28,245
Class dismissed.
70
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:32,802
Hey, little Juan,
don't feel so bad.
71
00:03:32,885 --> 00:03:36,070
Look, my friend
Mary Johnson is the editor
72
00:03:36,070 --> 00:03:37,172
of "The Buchanan bugle."
73
00:03:37,212 --> 00:03:38,632
Maybe I can pull some strings
74
00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:40,238
and she could do
something for you.
75
00:03:40,258 --> 00:03:42,519
Like get you off it.
76
00:03:43,143 --> 00:03:44,345
I just might surprise you guys
77
00:03:44,345 --> 00:03:46,208
and turn that newspaper
into something.
78
00:03:46,228 --> 00:03:47,791
Hey, you wouldn't surprise me.
79
00:03:47,791 --> 00:03:51,554
You already turned that
projector into a Mixmaster.
80
00:03:51,637 --> 00:03:54,358
C'mon, c'mon, I'm working
with inferior equipment here.
81
00:03:54,441 --> 00:03:57,204
Yeah. Your hands and your brain.
82
00:03:59,348 --> 00:04:00,308
- Juan.
- What?
83
00:04:00,391 --> 00:04:02,073
Let me fill you in
with something, okay?
84
00:04:02,151 --> 00:04:03,573
There's only one paper
in this whole
85
00:04:03,573 --> 00:04:05,196
country that's worth reading.
86
00:04:05,216 --> 00:04:08,434
And that's this right here,
"The National Insider."
87
00:04:08,517 --> 00:04:11,641
Yeah, I read that every day.
88
00:04:11,724 --> 00:04:15,227
Hey, Murray. It only
comes out once a week.
89
00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:18,741
Hey, I'm a slow reader.
90
00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:23,307
Oh, Murray, if you ever
donate your brain to science
91
00:04:23,378 --> 00:04:27,082
put a little note on it
so they know what it is.
92
00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:29,564
Hey, Carvelli, man,
that-that paper there, man
93
00:04:29,646 --> 00:04:31,769
that-that "Insider," that's
junk, man. That's-that's trash.
94
00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:33,470
What are you kiddin' me? Where
do you see headlines like this?
95
00:04:33,470 --> 00:04:35,753
Look at this. "Three-headed cow
96
00:04:35,836 --> 00:04:37,936
survives elevator fall."
97
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,900
Who cares about
a three-headed cow?
98
00:04:41,984 --> 00:04:43,924
A three-headed bull.
99
00:04:46,022 --> 00:04:47,566
Alright, Arnold. Here's
something for you right here.
100
00:04:47,650 --> 00:04:48,965
- Look at this.
- What?
101
00:04:48,975 --> 00:04:52,185
"Burt Reynolds reveals
secret sex appeal diet."
102
00:04:52,205 --> 00:04:56,078
- Look at that.
- Oh, let me see this.
103
00:04:56,097 --> 00:04:58,982
Hey, this is what I
had for breakfast.
104
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:04,028
I'd better go home, I might be
getting a call from Sally Field.
105
00:05:04,028 --> 00:05:05,488
Bye now.
106
00:05:05,812 --> 00:05:07,945
Get back here. This
here's my encyclopedia.
107
00:05:08,028 --> 00:05:09,899
This has got everything and it's
stuff they're afraid to put
108
00:05:09,928 --> 00:05:11,932
on television, stories
and stuff like that.
109
00:05:11,952 --> 00:05:14,595
Well, I for one am
certainly glad that
110
00:05:14,595 --> 00:05:16,902
"The Buchanan bugle"
does not stoop
111
00:05:16,978 --> 00:05:19,721
to that kind
of shabby reporting.
112
00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:22,321
Maybe that's the
problem, Arnold.
113
00:05:22,404 --> 00:05:25,382
The "Bugle" ain't telling
the untold story.
114
00:05:25,465 --> 00:05:29,700
Look at this here, "Swiss
doctor proves Osmond family
115
00:05:29,783 --> 00:05:32,605
cloning six new brothers."
116
00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:37,188
[theme song]
117
00:05:46,524 --> 00:05:49,270
♪Welcome back ♪
118
00:05:49,353 --> 00:05:53,100
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
119
00:05:53,183 --> 00:05:55,145
♪Welcome back ♪
120
00:05:55,228 --> 00:05:57,365
♪To same old place ♪
121
00:05:57,448 --> 00:06:00,063
♪ That you laughed about ♪
122
00:06:00,146 --> 00:06:02,152
♪Well the names
have all changed ♪
123
00:06:02,235 --> 00:06:04,328
♪Since you hung around ♪
124
00:06:04,411 --> 00:06:06,417
♪But those dreams
have remained ♪
125
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,029
♪And they've turned around ♪
126
00:06:09,112 --> 00:06:11,161
♪Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
127
00:06:11,244 --> 00:06:12,968
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
128
00:06:13,051 --> 00:06:15,144
♪Back here where we need ya ♪
129
00:06:15,227 --> 00:06:17,233
♪Back here where we need ya ♪
130
00:06:17,316 --> 00:06:19,235
♪Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
131
00:06:19,318 --> 00:06:21,411
♪'Cause we've
got him on the spot ♪
132
00:06:21,494 --> 00:06:23,675
♪Welcome back ♪
133
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:27,809
♪Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
134
00:06:27,892 --> 00:06:30,116
♪Welcome back welcome back ♪
135
00:06:30,199 --> 00:06:32,248
♪Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
136
00:06:32,331 --> 00:06:34,381
♪'Cause we've got
him on the spot ♪
137
00:06:34,464 --> 00:06:36,644
♪Welcome back ♪
138
00:06:36,727 --> 00:06:41,083
♪Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
139
00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:45,523
♪Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
140
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:50,611
♪Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪♪
141
00:06:53,118 --> 00:06:54,260
I'll tell you something, Mary.
142
00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:56,544
That stuff you're
printing is dull.
143
00:06:56,627 --> 00:06:59,270
Dull, dull, dull.
144
00:07:04,912 --> 00:07:06,547
[Mary] What do you mean?
145
00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:08,854
Last week we had a map
of the school fire exits.
146
00:07:08,937 --> 00:07:12,107
What's your next biggie?
A tour through the air ducts?
147
00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:15,422
Mary, you ain't
digging deep enough.
148
00:07:15,505 --> 00:07:17,047
Like, look at this here.
149
00:07:17,047 --> 00:07:19,888
This story you're doing
on Mrs. Kotter, right?
150
00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:21,026
Says here, she says
151
00:07:21,072 --> 00:07:24,314
"Mr. Woodman is
warm and wonderful."
152
00:07:25,458 --> 00:07:28,700
How does she know he's
warm and wonderful, huh?
153
00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:30,141
You're reading too much into it.
154
00:07:30,224 --> 00:07:31,684
Really?
155
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,928
To me, "Warm" covers
a lot of territory.
156
00:07:37,026 --> 00:07:38,708
Obviously, Mrs. Kotter's
got something goin'
157
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,889
with the old Gray Fox.
158
00:07:42,371 --> 00:07:45,195
Juan, Mrs. Kotter isn't
that kind of a person.
159
00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:47,719
I'm telling you that there's
an untold story there.
160
00:07:47,802 --> 00:07:51,042
You think we should print
those kind of stories?
161
00:07:51,126 --> 00:07:53,762
Hey, let me tell you
something, sugar lips.
162
00:07:54,612 --> 00:07:56,732
With my ideas and your
spelling, we're gonna
163
00:07:56,815 --> 00:07:59,358
set this school on its ear.
164
00:08:11,202 --> 00:08:13,302
Alright. Who died?
165
00:08:16,935 --> 00:08:20,020
Alright. Who's about to die?
166
00:08:21,185 --> 00:08:22,046
Did you hear the one
about the priest
167
00:08:22,046 --> 00:08:24,107
that opened a fish
and chips place?
168
00:08:24,191 --> 00:08:25,755
Customer walks in
and he looks at him
169
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,957
and he says,
"Are you the fish fryer?
170
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,206
"He says,
"No, I'm the chipmunk."
171
00:08:35,842 --> 00:08:38,364
You know, it may be hard
for you guys to believe this
172
00:08:38,447 --> 00:08:41,864
but sometimes that
joke does not get a laugh.
173
00:08:46,921 --> 00:08:51,950
"Basketball star stops
wearing diapers.
174
00:08:52,033 --> 00:08:54,378
"Mother admits Freddie
"boom boom" Washington
175
00:08:54,378 --> 00:08:56,679
was big laundry problem."
176
00:08:56,762 --> 00:08:58,654
[laughs]
177
00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:05,737
"Southern Sweat hog,
Beau DeLabarre
178
00:09:05,814 --> 00:09:08,185
admits he has Klan ties."
179
00:09:10,085 --> 00:09:12,261
Mrs. Kotter, I'm
not in the Klan.
180
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:15,146
I'm gonna need a police escort
just to get home tonight.
181
00:09:15,229 --> 00:09:18,453
Juan crucified
me too, Mrs. Kotter.
182
00:09:18,453 --> 00:09:23,038
He said that my parents
abandoned me in a supermarket.
183
00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:28,351
They left me in a
shopping cart somewhere
184
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:32,764
between the Gorgonzola
and the Knackwurst.
185
00:09:35,463 --> 00:09:38,164
Well, I guess I better
go have a talk with Juan.
186
00:09:38,247 --> 00:09:40,809
Nah, nah, Mrs. Kotter, you
gotta do more than talk to Juan.
187
00:09:40,809 --> 00:09:42,109
You know what you gotta do?
188
00:09:42,192 --> 00:09:44,062
You gotta get
him off that paper.
189
00:09:44,145 --> 00:09:46,046
Oh, Freddie, I don't
think it's that serious.
190
00:09:46,047 --> 00:09:47,570
Well, wait till you
read the untold story
191
00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:49,512
about you and Mr. Woodman.
192
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,583
Page two.
193
00:09:54,408 --> 00:09:56,475
Catch the last line.
194
00:09:56,932 --> 00:09:58,941
[clears throat]
195
00:09:59,024 --> 00:10:03,963
"As he moved closer to Julie,
her breath came in short pants.
196
00:10:09,452 --> 00:10:14,457
""Oh, Michael, warm, wonderful
Michael," Julie sighed.
197
00:10:14,618 --> 00:10:17,102
"without hesitation,
Michael reached for her...
198
00:10:17,182 --> 00:10:20,504
To be continued next week."
199
00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:25,423
[knocks on door]
200
00:10:25,506 --> 00:10:26,966
Come in.
201
00:10:28,471 --> 00:10:31,814
I'll be right with you.
202
00:10:43,917 --> 00:10:47,720
I guess I know
why we're all here.
203
00:10:54,244 --> 00:10:58,327
Then again, why don't you just
tell us why we're all here?
204
00:10:59,030 --> 00:11:00,931
Freddie's in diapers.
205
00:11:01,014 --> 00:11:02,849
Beau is in the Klan.
206
00:11:03,638 --> 00:11:05,749
Mrs. Kotter's in love with me.
207
00:11:07,203 --> 00:11:10,184
Two of those stories
are totally unbelievable.
208
00:11:13,915 --> 00:11:16,377
It's pretty tame stuff. Wait
'til you see next week's paper.
209
00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:18,683
There's not gonna be another
issue like this, Epstein.
210
00:11:18,703 --> 00:11:20,591
This is junk journalism.
211
00:11:20,674 --> 00:11:23,512
Junk?
You're calling the truth "Junk"?
212
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,398
Look, you can't tell me
Freddie didn't wear diapers.
213
00:11:25,481 --> 00:11:26,481
- I know he did.
- Yeah.
214
00:11:26,481 --> 00:11:29,145
- When he was only 6 months old.
- Well...
215
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:32,069
I wore diapers myself
when I was that age.
216
00:11:34,633 --> 00:11:36,352
Put that notebook away.
217
00:11:38,058 --> 00:11:38,958
Now, look, Mr. Woodman.
218
00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:41,439
Sometimes you just gotta go back
to get a story, right, Mary?
219
00:11:41,522 --> 00:11:43,302
Right. Gotta go back.
220
00:11:43,385 --> 00:11:47,311
This article,
"DeLabarre has Klan ties."
221
00:11:47,394 --> 00:11:49,572
I didn't read anything
about any Klan ties.
222
00:11:49,655 --> 00:11:51,135
C'mon, give me a
break here, huh?
223
00:11:51,218 --> 00:11:52,736
This is a misprint.
224
00:11:52,819 --> 00:11:56,103
Supposed to read
"DeLabarre has clean ties."
225
00:11:58,124 --> 00:12:00,795
Mr. Woodman, the lab mice
are loose again. Let's go.
226
00:12:00,877 --> 00:12:02,477
Not now, Julie, this
is more important.
227
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,730
I'm taking Juan off
the school paper.
228
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:06,449
- What?
- Don't let him, Mrs. Kotter.
229
00:12:06,532 --> 00:12:08,903
He's tampering with
freedom of the press.
230
00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:11,577
Uh, well, Mary, you have
to admit that that article
231
00:12:11,577 --> 00:12:14,619
about Mr. Woodman
and I was very tacky.
232
00:12:14,619 --> 00:12:17,421
Julie's not my type.
She's too tall.
233
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,682
Look, Mr. Woodman.
You yank me off that paper
234
00:12:20,682 --> 00:12:23,625
you're gonna lose a great
deal of advertising retinue.
235
00:12:25,326 --> 00:12:27,249
We're showing a
profit, Mr. Woodman.
236
00:12:27,332 --> 00:12:29,609
The paper cleared
over $300 this week.
237
00:12:29,692 --> 00:12:33,458
That is no excuse for the
gossip and all that trash.
238
00:12:33,541 --> 00:12:35,163
I got the figures in my office.
239
00:12:35,163 --> 00:12:38,068
Next week, I'm
projecting 500 bucks.
240
00:12:38,068 --> 00:12:40,831
Five hundred b-b-bucks?
241
00:12:43,234 --> 00:12:46,115
Juan, I think that you're
forgetting what's important.
242
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:48,834
So are you, Julie.
Go catch the mice.
243
00:12:50,765 --> 00:12:53,401
These kids have a
paper to put out.
244
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,931
[keys clacking]
245
00:13:04,486 --> 00:13:06,553
Uh, may I?
246
00:13:09,313 --> 00:13:10,773
May I?
247
00:13:13,953 --> 00:13:15,474
Thank you.
248
00:13:15,557 --> 00:13:16,950
That's a good way
for you guys to get your
249
00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:19,221
teeth extracted for nothing.
250
00:13:19,304 --> 00:13:22,465
Yeah? Well, if I was you,
I'd start worrying about you.
251
00:13:22,548 --> 00:13:23,610
C'mon, c'mon, Freddie.
252
00:13:23,693 --> 00:13:25,521
What's got your nose
all out of joint here?
253
00:13:25,576 --> 00:13:27,480
What's got my nose all out of
joint? I'm a show you what is.
254
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,806
This right here,
this week's issue
255
00:13:28,822 --> 00:13:31,394
is what got me goin' crazy.
256
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:34,293
There ain't nothing inflammable
about you in here, Freddie.
257
00:13:34,376 --> 00:13:36,019
That's the whole problem, Juan.
258
00:13:36,102 --> 00:13:39,702
You got the entire school still
thinking that I wear diapers.
259
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,668
You got to print
a retraction, man.
260
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:44,120
Looks like you guys
got troubles, huh?
261
00:13:47,018 --> 00:13:51,805
I assume that this is your
story, "Backstage at Buchanan"?
262
00:13:51,888 --> 00:13:53,290
I think the people have
the rights to know
263
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,192
what goes on behind
the footlights, Arnold.
264
00:14:00,833 --> 00:14:02,016
How could you accuse me
265
00:14:02,016 --> 00:14:03,976
of holding up the
opening night curtain?
266
00:14:04,059 --> 00:14:06,200
I was there, Arnold.
You were ten minutes late.
267
00:14:06,283 --> 00:14:08,919
Well, I had to go
to the bathroom.
268
00:14:11,091 --> 00:14:13,994
I saw the play. You
should have stayed there.
269
00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:18,481
And then, and then
you say that I, I
270
00:14:18,564 --> 00:14:21,847
that I, I, have
a temper tantrum.
271
00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:26,392
I do not have temper tantrums!
272
00:14:26,475 --> 00:14:29,913
I don't! I never have
temper tantrums.
273
00:14:29,996 --> 00:14:32,018
You said I was yelling
and I was fussing.
274
00:14:32,018 --> 00:14:36,481
Never! Never, mister,
I never yell and I never fuss.
275
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,644
You mostly scream.
276
00:14:40,487 --> 00:14:43,098
Yeah? Well, you would too
if the stage manager
277
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:46,411
put a lit cigar in
your suit of armor.
278
00:14:47,831 --> 00:14:49,393
C'mon, you guys, huh?
Knock it off.
279
00:14:49,476 --> 00:14:52,536
You're taking this
way too personal.
280
00:14:52,619 --> 00:14:56,082
There's a difference here
between friendship and business.
281
00:14:56,165 --> 00:14:59,734
You guys are just gonna have
to develop a detached altitude.
282
00:14:59,817 --> 00:15:04,119
Oh yeah? We'll, we're detaching
ourselves from you right now.
283
00:15:04,202 --> 00:15:07,906
'Cause I think your head is
getting too big for your hair.
284
00:15:09,627 --> 00:15:13,913
You're so twisted, you
should model pretzels.
285
00:15:16,553 --> 00:15:18,653
Goodbye, little Juan.
286
00:15:19,196 --> 00:15:25,101
You know, you have really
turned into a 24-karat creep.
287
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,818
And you can quote me.
288
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:35,898
It's alright.
289
00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:38,440
The same thing
happened to Citizen Kane.
290
00:15:41,747 --> 00:15:42,763
Hello, Mary.
291
00:15:42,846 --> 00:15:45,228
Look, I want you to cover
that girls' basketball game.
292
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,351
I want more than just the score.
293
00:15:47,434 --> 00:15:51,672
I want locker room talk. I want
to be able to smell that sweat.
294
00:15:53,901 --> 00:15:55,358
Gotcha.
295
00:15:58,639 --> 00:16:02,287
Well, well, well.
Juan Epstein.
296
00:16:02,370 --> 00:16:03,747
Cub reporter.
297
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,694
C'mon, Carvelli,
come back later, I'm busy.
298
00:16:05,777 --> 00:16:08,756
Yeah? You're too busy for what
I call a scoop headline?
299
00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:09,883
Alright, spill it.
300
00:16:09,966 --> 00:16:11,807
Alright. Dig this.
301
00:16:11,890 --> 00:16:14,414
School mascot kidnapped.
302
00:16:14,716 --> 00:16:17,739
- When?
- Tomorrow night.
303
00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:21,938
I told you guys don't
make up your own story.
304
00:16:22,021 --> 00:16:24,304
I told you to get the lowdown
on the school crossing guard.
305
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:27,821
Why? She ain't been
hit by a car in two weeks.
306
00:16:28,608 --> 00:16:30,910
I tell you, there's
still a story there.
307
00:16:30,993 --> 00:16:32,031
Yeah, yeah. Alright.
308
00:16:32,114 --> 00:16:34,754
Epstein, I think I got it.
Listen to this.
309
00:16:34,837 --> 00:16:36,680
We will take her
sign away and see
310
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,049
if she can stop cars then, huh?
311
00:16:40,602 --> 00:16:42,324
Look, Epstein, what about
my expense account?
312
00:16:42,407 --> 00:16:43,929
You know, I got
a lot of expenses.
313
00:16:43,929 --> 00:16:46,029
- C'mon, Carvelli, blow, blow.
- Yeah.
314
00:16:46,926 --> 00:16:50,055
[blows air]
315
00:16:50,138 --> 00:16:51,680
C'mon, Murray.
Hey, Murray, Murray.
316
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:52,803
Murray, c'mon,
let's get outta here.
317
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:56,507
You know, it's a good thing
he didn't tell you to split.
318
00:17:03,739 --> 00:17:05,807
I thought I told
you guys to spl--
319
00:17:05,890 --> 00:17:07,606
What's happening, man?
How you feeling?
320
00:17:07,689 --> 00:17:09,189
I got something to tell you,
man. It's pretty good.
321
00:17:09,273 --> 00:17:10,773
Look, if you came here
to heckle me, Freddie.
322
00:17:10,773 --> 00:17:12,536
- You can just forget it.
- Oh, no, it ain't that, man.
323
00:17:12,556 --> 00:17:15,916
I got some information, man.
It might turn into a hot story.
324
00:17:15,999 --> 00:17:17,573
Yeah? What is it?
325
00:17:17,657 --> 00:17:19,478
You know, you know them cats,
the Bendoffo Brothers?
326
00:17:19,561 --> 00:17:22,284
Yeah, yeah, Bonzo and Bruno.
Who'd they bust up now?
327
00:17:22,368 --> 00:17:24,282
Nobody yet but
get ready for this.
328
00:17:24,366 --> 00:17:25,597
- You ready?
- Yeah.
329
00:17:25,607 --> 00:17:27,602
Somebody made a
pass at their sister.
330
00:17:27,686 --> 00:17:28,786
Oh-ho-ho-hohh.
331
00:17:28,869 --> 00:17:30,448
Somebody made a pass at Bonita?
332
00:17:30,531 --> 00:17:31,526
Right.
333
00:17:31,609 --> 00:17:32,510
[laughs] This is great.
334
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,092
This gonna be a great story.
335
00:17:34,175 --> 00:17:35,376
Let's see, the
last guy to do that
336
00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:38,098
was the captain of the
football team, Crash Kawalski.
337
00:17:38,181 --> 00:17:39,601
Hey, whatever happened to him?
338
00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:40,366
Uh, the last I heard
339
00:17:40,366 --> 00:17:42,986
he was back on solid foods.
340
00:17:43,070 --> 00:17:44,734
This is great, Freddie,
this is gold.
341
00:17:44,817 --> 00:17:46,781
- This is front-page stuff.
- Tell me about it.
342
00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:49,367
Alright, sling the mud.
Who was he?
343
00:17:49,387 --> 00:17:51,487
Uh, Arnold told me it was you.
344
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:55,073
- Me?
- Yeah.
345
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,019
Must be some mistake. That's
not true. I can't print that.
346
00:17:58,102 --> 00:17:59,705
Hey Juan, that is too true.
347
00:17:59,705 --> 00:18:01,965
Remember, remember when you was
out and you was playing in the
348
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,008
schoolyard, you was playing
basketball in the schoolyard?
349
00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:05,311
And you took the ball
and you threw it to her
350
00:18:05,311 --> 00:18:06,728
and she caught it?
351
00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,194
Well, that's what
Arnold told 'em.
352
00:18:08,277 --> 00:18:10,618
You made a pass at her.
353
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:14,122
Freddie, I can get killed.
354
00:18:14,205 --> 00:18:15,565
I mean, didn't anybody
say I was just
355
00:18:15,648 --> 00:18:16,909
fooling around with a
basketball?
356
00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:17,928
Oh, yeah, I told 'em that.
I told 'em
357
00:18:18,011 --> 00:18:20,454
you was fooling around with her.
358
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:24,617
Basketball. Didn't anybody say
anything about the basketball?
359
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:27,551
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beau took care of that.
360
00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:30,270
He says you
and Bonita had a ball.
361
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,966
Freddie! Freddie, I can get
killed for something like this.
362
00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:39,632
I mean, the Bendoffos, they're
liable just to rip off my head.
363
00:18:39,715 --> 00:18:40,815
You got to do
something, Freddie.
364
00:18:40,898 --> 00:18:42,400
I mean, you got to tell 'em
that that wasn't true.
365
00:18:42,401 --> 00:18:44,191
There's got to be some
kind of mistake here.
366
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:46,474
[knocks on door]
367
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:51,010
It's them. It's them,
it's the Bendoffos.
368
00:18:51,093 --> 00:18:52,636
Freddie, look, I never asked for
this. You've just got to help
369
00:18:52,719 --> 00:18:54,112
me, just this one time.
370
00:18:54,195 --> 00:18:55,957
Well, what can I do, Juan?
what can I do?
371
00:18:56,023 --> 00:18:57,262
Tell 'em anything.
Tell 'em I'd rather die
372
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,760
than go out with their sister.
373
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,348
Alright, Juan.
374
00:19:02,531 --> 00:19:04,891
I'm gonna tell the Bendoffo
Brothers that Juan Epstein
375
00:19:04,974 --> 00:19:07,258
says, "He's ready to die."
376
00:19:11,082 --> 00:19:15,234
So... ain't you gonna ask us in?
377
00:19:15,235 --> 00:19:17,777
[wheezy laughing]
378
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:22,428
What are you guys doing here?
You ain't the Bendoffos.
379
00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:23,974
No, we're here
for the same reason.
380
00:19:24,057 --> 00:19:25,897
Pound some sense into your head.
381
00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:29,459
That's right. You gotta stop
writing all of these, these
382
00:19:29,542 --> 00:19:34,773
half truths these innuendoes,
all this sensationalism, Juan.
383
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:36,814
That's true, Juan. All that
stuff you're printing, man
384
00:19:36,897 --> 00:19:40,460
it can do a lot of people harm,
cause a lot of people trouble.
385
00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:43,361
So you guys didn't say
anything to the Bendoffos?
386
00:19:43,445 --> 00:19:47,144
No. Hey, real friends wouldn't
do anything like that.
387
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:49,442
Yeah, not real friends.
388
00:19:49,452 --> 00:19:52,433
But I guess an
ex-friend would.
389
00:19:54,865 --> 00:19:56,705
See you around.
390
00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:02,847
[door closes]
391
00:20:14,114 --> 00:20:16,334
The point I am trying
to make is that history
392
00:20:16,417 --> 00:20:18,480
is filled with
inaccurate reporting.
393
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,561
Then how come we
have to learn it?
394
00:20:23,042 --> 00:20:25,547
Papers, papers,
read all about it.
395
00:20:25,630 --> 00:20:28,677
There's more to life than
news, weather and sports.
396
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:31,077
Yeah, there's class work,
Epstein. Sit down.
397
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,379
I'm sorry, Mr. Woodman, I had to
398
00:20:32,379 --> 00:20:34,481
get out the bulldog
edition here.
399
00:20:34,639 --> 00:20:37,602
- Unbelievable.
- Sensational.
400
00:20:37,686 --> 00:20:40,428
Epstein exposes himself.
401
00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:46,819
"At the tender age of four,
a Ragtag Juan Epstein
402
00:20:46,819 --> 00:20:50,562
began his life of crime
by stealing the hub cabs
403
00:20:50,645 --> 00:20:53,018
off his own baby carriage."
404
00:20:55,472 --> 00:20:58,997
"At the age of twelve, he
hotwired a subway car
405
00:20:59,037 --> 00:21:02,000
and collected fares
for three days."
406
00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:06,286
It says, "Later, Juan
failed at many jobs.
407
00:21:06,369 --> 00:21:08,134
"As a parking lot attendant
408
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,098
he lost more cars
than he parked."
409
00:21:11,843 --> 00:21:15,067
It also says, "Juan was
dismissed as a lifeguard
410
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:18,113
for trying to start
a nude beach."
411
00:21:19,074 --> 00:21:21,455
Hey, oh, Juan, I guess
412
00:21:21,538 --> 00:21:23,902
our little talk
did you some good, huh?
413
00:21:23,902 --> 00:21:26,002
C'mon, c'mon, you guys,
don't flatter yourselves, huh?
414
00:21:27,428 --> 00:21:29,412
I wanted to go out of this
newspaper business
415
00:21:29,412 --> 00:21:30,854
in a blaze of glory.
416
00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:34,879
This centerfold is disgusting.
417
00:21:34,962 --> 00:21:37,042
It's the only picture I
could find of Mr. Woodman.
418
00:21:37,125 --> 00:21:39,426
What? What?
419
00:21:41,994 --> 00:21:43,581
[Mr. Woodman] Ahh.
420
00:21:49,922 --> 00:21:51,946
Look at those dimples.
421
00:21:57,526 --> 00:21:59,168
Eh, what's happening,
Mr. Woodman?
422
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:00,051
Hi, Mr. Woodman.
423
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,314
Take your seats,
will you please?
424
00:22:01,333 --> 00:22:03,769
Right on. Hey, Juan.
425
00:22:03,852 --> 00:22:06,234
Heard you got your
old job back, baby.
426
00:22:06,318 --> 00:22:08,160
Yeah, yeah, you can't keep
me away from film, you know?
427
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,542
I'm just a
16-millimeter kinda guy.
428
00:22:12,942 --> 00:22:15,425
You mean Woodman gave
you your old job back?
429
00:22:15,508 --> 00:22:18,388
Oh, yeah, yeah,
sure, he saw the light.
430
00:22:18,809 --> 00:22:22,853
I think the question is,
is he gonna see the film?
431
00:22:22,936 --> 00:22:25,619
Is it gonna work
right this time, Epstein?
432
00:22:25,619 --> 00:22:27,859
Oh, sure, sure,
I checked the sprockets.
433
00:22:27,943 --> 00:22:30,458
I checked the reel,
I checked the plug.
434
00:22:30,542 --> 00:22:31,724
What can go wrong?
435
00:22:31,807 --> 00:22:34,222
The sprockets,
the reel and the plug.
436
00:22:36,251 --> 00:22:38,189
Watch this here.
437
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:39,729
Lights!
438
00:22:40,295 --> 00:22:41,752
Camera!
439
00:22:42,217 --> 00:22:43,355
Action!
440
00:22:43,438 --> 00:22:45,337
[projector whirring]
441
00:22:45,420 --> 00:22:47,067
There it is, it's perfect.
442
00:22:47,150 --> 00:22:48,273
- Hey, Juan?
- Yeah.
443
00:22:48,356 --> 00:22:49,917
Juan, you know I don't
wanna say anything
444
00:22:49,917 --> 00:22:51,137
about the movie business
because, you know
445
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,680
you know all about
film and stuff.
446
00:22:52,763 --> 00:22:54,417
But don't you think
it'd be a lot easier
447
00:22:54,446 --> 00:22:56,168
if there was a screen up there?
448
00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:58,664
[laughs]
449
00:22:59,690 --> 00:23:01,595
Alright, go easy, huh?
450
00:23:01,678 --> 00:23:04,520
The kid's gonna
fix that right now.
451
00:23:08,147 --> 00:23:11,563
[clatter]
452
00:23:20,594 --> 00:23:22,922
[theme song]
453
00:23:27,776 --> 00:23:30,478
♪Welcome back ♪
454
00:23:30,561 --> 00:23:34,264
♪Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
455
00:23:34,347 --> 00:23:36,571
♪ Welcome back ♪
456
00:23:36,654 --> 00:23:41,357
♪To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
457
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,404
♪Well the names
have all changed ♪
458
00:23:43,487 --> 00:23:45,711
♪Since you hung around ♪
459
00:23:45,794 --> 00:23:47,886
♪But those dreams
have remained ♪
460
00:23:47,969 --> 00:23:50,193
♪And they've turned around ♪
461
00:23:50,276 --> 00:23:52,500
♪Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
462
00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:54,241
♪Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
463
00:23:54,324 --> 00:23:56,460
♪Back here where we need ya ♪
464
00:23:56,543 --> 00:23:58,462
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
465
00:23:58,545 --> 00:24:00,508
♪Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
466
00:24:00,591 --> 00:24:02,510
♪'Cause we've
got him on the spot ♪
467
00:24:02,593 --> 00:24:04,686
♪Welcome back ♪
468
00:24:04,769 --> 00:24:09,082
♪Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪
469
00:24:09,165 --> 00:24:11,301
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
470
00:24:11,384 --> 00:24:13,913
♪ Welcome back ♪
471
00:24:13,996 --> 00:24:17,568
♪ We always could
spot our friends ♪
472
00:24:17,651 --> 00:24:20,222
♪ Welcome back ♪
473
00:24:20,305 --> 00:24:22,356
♪ And I smile when I think ♪
474
00:24:22,439 --> 00:24:24,706
♪How it must have been ♪
475
00:24:24,789 --> 00:24:27,056
♪ And I know what a scene ♪
476
00:24:27,139 --> 00:24:29,189
♪ You were turning in ♪
477
00:24:29,272 --> 00:24:30,930
♪ Was there something that ♪
478
00:24:31,013 --> 00:24:33,453
♪Made you come back again? ♪
479
00:24:33,536 --> 00:24:35,804
♪ Then what could ever lead ya ♪
480
00:24:35,887 --> 00:24:37,676
♪ What could ever lead ya ♪
481
00:24:37,759 --> 00:24:39,895
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
482
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:42,071
♪Back here where we need ya ♪
483
00:24:42,154 --> 00:24:44,073
♪Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
484
00:24:44,156 --> 00:24:46,119
♪'Cause we've
got him on the spot ♪
485
00:24:46,202 --> 00:24:48,251
♪Welcome back ♪
486
00:24:48,334 --> 00:24:50,384
♪Welcome back welcome back ♪
487
00:24:50,467 --> 00:24:52,559
♪Welcome back ♪
488
00:24:52,642 --> 00:24:54,780
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
489
00:24:54,863 --> 00:24:56,999
♪Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
490
00:24:57,082 --> 00:24:59,045
♪Welcome back welcome back ♪
491
00:24:59,128 --> 00:25:00,028
♪ 'Cause we've got him... ♪♪
37225
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