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1
00:00:07,343 --> 00:00:09,566
[knock on door]
2
00:00:09,649 --> 00:00:12,587
Uh, Vinnie.
Vinnie, you better get the door.
3
00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:15,790
Oh, yeah, the door.
4
00:00:15,873 --> 00:00:19,844
Look, you stay here and you
cover up the rips on my couch.
5
00:00:22,793 --> 00:00:26,061
Oh, hi, Juan. Goodnight.
6
00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:28,716
Vinnie, who is he? Don't
make him stand in the doorway.
7
00:00:28,799 --> 00:00:31,371
Yeah, o-of course not.
8
00:00:31,454 --> 00:00:34,217
Go stand down the street!
9
00:00:36,687 --> 00:00:38,559
Now, look, I hate to have
to bother you like this, Vinnie.
10
00:00:38,641 --> 00:00:42,125
But it is a matter
of life and death. Excuse me.
11
00:00:42,348 --> 00:00:44,652
I'll bring him right back.
12
00:00:45,274 --> 00:00:47,156
Uh, Vinnie, do you remember
when we was kids
13
00:00:47,156 --> 00:00:48,978
and you was trapped
underneath your bicycle
14
00:00:49,061 --> 00:00:50,541
and I pulled you out?
15
00:00:50,624 --> 00:00:52,084
No.
16
00:00:52,564 --> 00:00:54,191
Okay, forget that one.
17
00:00:54,274 --> 00:00:55,933
Uh, do you remember
that gangland murder
18
00:00:56,016 --> 00:00:57,838
that we saw over
at Pasquale's, huh?
19
00:00:57,838 --> 00:01:00,799
Thirty-two bullet holes.
20
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,039
[laughing]
21
00:01:02,122 --> 00:01:04,544
And we thought the blood
was spaghetti sauce, remember?
22
00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:06,479
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23
00:01:06,562 --> 00:01:09,124
I-I held up the cops
and let you run away.
24
00:01:09,206 --> 00:01:13,209
Why? Because we like you.
25
00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:16,276
Because you're my friend,
you're my buddy.
26
00:01:16,313 --> 00:01:18,493
Yeah, well, I don't need
a buddy now, I need her.
27
00:01:18,575 --> 00:01:22,231
Hey, look, Vinnie. I'm callin'
in all my favors right now.
28
00:01:22,278 --> 00:01:24,260
The way I figure it
you owe me one big one.
29
00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:27,183
Okay, okay, fine.
Just make it quick.
30
00:01:27,266 --> 00:01:29,941
I'm talkin' marriage, Vinnie.
31
00:01:31,194 --> 00:01:32,877
Look, Juan, I think
you're very cute
32
00:01:32,877 --> 00:01:35,436
but you're too old for me.
33
00:01:35,519 --> 00:01:37,743
Not me, my cousin Angelina.
34
00:01:37,825 --> 00:01:39,327
Oh, come on, now,
you're gettin' a little crazy
35
00:01:39,410 --> 00:01:41,271
with your favors now here, Jaun,
36
00:01:41,354 --> 00:01:42,857
Alright, alright,
I didn't wanna have to do this
37
00:01:42,857 --> 00:01:46,726
but I guess I'm gonna have
to call in the big favor.
38
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:50,720
Remember last year,
the Giovanni twins, huh?
39
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,153
Oh, don't you bring that up now.
40
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,277
That's right,
we couldn't split 'em up.
41
00:01:54,278 --> 00:01:55,999
You wanted to be alone
with Josephine
42
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,922
so who took the other one
off your hands?
43
00:01:57,923 --> 00:02:00,367
- Alright, alright, you did.
- That's right, I did.
44
00:02:00,368 --> 00:02:02,069
You got a chance
to go up to the balcony
45
00:02:02,070 --> 00:02:03,752
and make out with Josephina.
46
00:02:03,753 --> 00:02:05,057
I got a chance
to go to the docks
47
00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:07,626
and shoot rats with Dominique.
48
00:02:07,709 --> 00:02:09,509
Okay, I owe you a twin,
but I don't owe you a life.
49
00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:11,379
- I ain't marryin' nobody.
- Come on!
50
00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:12,424
Vinnie, look, relax.
51
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,471
It's all gonna be over
within three days.
52
00:02:14,491 --> 00:02:16,572
You see, Angelina's
from Guatemala.
53
00:02:16,655 --> 00:02:19,478
She gets her citizenship,
you get a divorce
54
00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:23,185
bing-bang-a-bong, favor's
completed. What do you say?
55
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,800
Why don't you get Horshack?
56
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,631
Come on, gosh, she's scared
enough as it is, huh?
57
00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:30,456
Now, look, Vinnie,
this ain't just for me.
58
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,870
It's for my poor Uncle Sanchez.
Okay?
59
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,884
He said he'd die a happy man
if only his daughter Angelina
60
00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:38,339
would become
an American citizen.
61
00:02:39,266 --> 00:02:42,312
Vinnie, he's 96 years old.
62
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:43,556
I mean, don't you wanna
see the guy
63
00:02:43,556 --> 00:02:46,311
die with a smile on his face?
64
00:02:46,394 --> 00:02:48,440
- I must be crazy.
- Alright, Vinnie.
65
00:02:48,523 --> 00:02:50,383
You wait right over here.
I'll bring her right up.
66
00:02:50,466 --> 00:02:51,815
Wha... She's here?
67
00:02:51,898 --> 00:02:53,450
Epstein delivers, guy.
68
00:02:53,469 --> 00:02:57,327
- Now, go on, get rid of Sally.
- How?
69
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,290
I don't know.
I can't do everything.
70
00:02:59,373 --> 00:03:00,995
I gotta take care
of the marriage ceremony
71
00:03:01,016 --> 00:03:03,652
I have to take care
of the reception...
72
00:03:04,258 --> 00:03:06,902
Look, doll baby,
I-I gotta ask you to leave.
73
00:03:06,985 --> 00:03:09,265
I gotta do a favor for a friend.
You understand?
74
00:03:09,348 --> 00:03:10,570
- Okay. Yeah.
- You understand, don't you?
75
00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:12,670
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay, I'll call you later.
76
00:03:13,031 --> 00:03:15,034
- Okay, uh, soon?
- Yeah.
77
00:03:15,117 --> 00:03:17,661
Uh, as soon as I get
the divorce.
78
00:03:17,786 --> 00:03:19,246
What?
79
00:03:19,704 --> 00:03:22,990
I'm-I'm gonna see
a man about a horse.
80
00:03:31,234 --> 00:03:33,414
Vinnie, meet your new bride.
81
00:03:33,497 --> 00:03:36,948
- Buenas noches.
- Yeah, buenas tacos.
82
00:03:37,031 --> 00:03:39,730
Ah, television, television! Ah!
83
00:03:39,813 --> 00:03:42,427
[speaking in foreign language]
84
00:03:42,510 --> 00:03:45,830
- Don't she speak English?
- Uh, not a blessed word.
85
00:03:45,913 --> 00:03:47,113
Uh, she's only
been here one day.
86
00:03:47,196 --> 00:03:49,116
Hasn't left that box
since she got here.
87
00:03:49,199 --> 00:03:53,281
My name is Little Orphan Annie.
88
00:03:53,364 --> 00:03:56,346
My curls are auburn
89
00:03:56,429 --> 00:03:59,600
and my dog is Sandy.
90
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,084
[barking]
91
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:03,408
[laughing]
92
00:04:04,316 --> 00:04:07,313
And you thought
she was gonna be dull.
93
00:04:07,396 --> 00:04:09,811
[laughing]
94
00:04:10,878 --> 00:04:14,250
[theme song]
95
00:04:22,977 --> 00:04:25,723
♪ Welcome back ♪
96
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:29,422
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
97
00:04:29,505 --> 00:04:31,642
♪ Welcome back ♪
98
00:04:31,725 --> 00:04:36,473
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
99
00:04:36,556 --> 00:04:38,692
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
100
00:04:38,775 --> 00:04:40,825
♪ Since you hung around ♪
101
00:04:40,908 --> 00:04:45,264
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
102
00:04:45,347 --> 00:04:47,484
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
103
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:49,264
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
104
00:04:49,308 --> 00:04:51,358
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
105
00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,490
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
106
00:04:53,573 --> 00:04:57,668
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
107
00:04:57,751 --> 00:04:59,931
♪ Welcome back ♪
108
00:05:00,015 --> 00:05:04,327
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪
109
00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:06,547
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
110
00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:10,768
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
111
00:05:10,851 --> 00:05:12,988
♪ Welcome back ♪
112
00:05:13,071 --> 00:05:17,297
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪
113
00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:21,779
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪
114
00:05:21,862 --> 00:05:26,845
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪♪
115
00:05:31,263 --> 00:05:33,188
Hey, Vinnie,
what're you doin' here?
116
00:05:33,272 --> 00:05:34,671
I've been lookin' all over
the place for you.
117
00:05:34,755 --> 00:05:37,931
School's the last place
I figured you'd be.
118
00:05:37,954 --> 00:05:40,496
Yeah, well, look,
I couldn't sleep last night.
119
00:05:40,579 --> 00:05:42,198
I kept on dreamin'
about Angelina.
120
00:05:42,282 --> 00:05:46,085
Well, beauty does run
in the Epstein family.
121
00:05:46,168 --> 00:05:49,351
Yeah, well, it's runnin'
downhill. I woke up screamin'.
122
00:05:51,034 --> 00:05:52,436
I can't marry your cousin, Juan.
123
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,541
You know what
she did to me last night?
124
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:58,387
She took the pretzels, and she
licked the salt off the pretzels
125
00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:01,081
and put 'em back in the bag.
126
00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:04,125
Look, guy, you ain't backin' out
now. We made a deal.
127
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,006
And with us a deal's a deal.
128
00:06:06,089 --> 00:06:08,760
Besides, I already got the
wedding ring right over here.
129
00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,686
- Take a look.
- Ooh, that's nice.
130
00:06:10,695 --> 00:06:12,796
A Girl Scout ring.
131
00:06:13,549 --> 00:06:15,899
Yeah, yeah. She thinks
you're rich, you know.
132
00:06:15,982 --> 00:06:18,846
Workin' in a hospital,
doctors, money, all that.
133
00:06:18,866 --> 00:06:23,104
Yeah, no wonder she asked me if
I'd get her teeth done at cost.
134
00:06:24,113 --> 00:06:26,897
Hey, look, guy, Angelina
just needs a little bridgework
135
00:06:26,897 --> 00:06:28,380
you know.
136
00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:33,118
They just got jarred loose
in the truck on the way up here.
137
00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:34,923
Now, look, I've been thinkin'
about the wedding.
138
00:06:34,944 --> 00:06:37,380
And how about Freddie Washington
as the best man?
139
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:41,409
Juan! Nobody's gotta know about
this. This is our little secret.
140
00:06:41,493 --> 00:06:45,092
- Not even the guys?
- Especially not even the guys.
141
00:06:45,176 --> 00:06:46,678
- Oh, here they come. Shh!
- Shh!
142
00:06:46,761 --> 00:06:49,598
- I can't believe she said that.
- Mornin', Juan, Vinnie.
143
00:06:49,598 --> 00:06:54,089
- Mornin'. Mornin'.
- Good mornin', fellas.
144
00:06:54,089 --> 00:06:57,234
Well, I guess it's-it's time
for me to get these books
145
00:06:57,235 --> 00:06:59,616
down to the library.
146
00:06:59,699 --> 00:07:01,981
What for?
The place is full of them.
147
00:07:02,064 --> 00:07:04,540
[laughing]
148
00:07:04,623 --> 00:07:07,147
Well, these-these books
are 10 weeks overdue.
149
00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:09,751
Perhaps I should learn
how to read faster.
150
00:07:09,834 --> 00:07:11,006
Juan, shh!
151
00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:13,532
Yeah, Vinnie seems
a trifle bit nervous today.
152
00:07:13,615 --> 00:07:18,541
Come on, guy, he ain't nervous.
He's as steady as I am.
153
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,001
Butterfingers.
154
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:22,488
Hey, you dropped your ring.
155
00:07:22,571 --> 00:07:24,333
Come on, come on,
gimme that. Hey!
156
00:07:24,405 --> 00:07:28,141
[laughs] Nice merchandise.
Check it out.
157
00:07:28,224 --> 00:07:29,684
Ohhh!
158
00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:33,697
My sister gets a ring
just like this
159
00:07:33,697 --> 00:07:37,287
if she graduates
from the Brownies.
160
00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:40,225
Pardon me, Arnold Horshack.
Will you, excuse me please.
161
00:07:40,308 --> 00:07:41,851
Hey, Juan, Juan, Juan, uh...
162
00:07:41,851 --> 00:07:46,256
You got somethin'
goin' with a Girl Scout?
163
00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:49,570
It ain't mine,
it's Vinnie Barbarino's.
164
00:07:49,653 --> 00:07:52,459
Vinnie and a Girl Scout?
165
00:07:53,597 --> 00:07:56,634
And he don't even like cookies.
166
00:07:56,718 --> 00:07:59,041
First, it's nurses,
and now it's Girl Scouts.
167
00:07:59,124 --> 00:08:02,085
Well, he's turned into
a regular uniform freak.
168
00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:03,670
Yeah, man, pretty soon
meter maids
169
00:08:03,670 --> 00:08:05,497
won't be safe on the street.
170
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:07,212
[laughing]
171
00:08:07,295 --> 00:08:09,918
Come on, come on, knock it off.
This is Vinnie's wedding ring.
172
00:08:09,971 --> 00:08:12,899
- Oh, get out!
- Ho-ho-ho!
173
00:08:12,982 --> 00:08:14,182
You ain't gonna go
to the weddin'
174
00:08:14,182 --> 00:08:17,337
'cause Vinnie didn't
want you to go anyway.
175
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:33,330
Do you mean to say
those wedding bells
176
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:37,243
are breaking up
that old gang of mine?
177
00:08:37,326 --> 00:08:39,412
Guys, don't say anything
to Vinnie, okay?
178
00:08:39,469 --> 00:08:40,645
'Cause he's gonna deny it,
just don't
179
00:08:40,712 --> 00:08:42,073
say anything that I told ya.
180
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:46,102
Little Juan,
my lips are sealed.
181
00:08:48,815 --> 00:08:50,217
What's the big secret anyway?
182
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:52,319
Look, Vinnie's been going out
with Sally for a long time.
183
00:08:52,402 --> 00:08:55,504
Oh, no, no, it ain't Sally.
It's this girl from outta town.
184
00:08:55,586 --> 00:08:57,284
Way outta town.
185
00:08:57,367 --> 00:09:00,870
Like an out of town manicurist...
186
00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:05,874
...in town
on a cuticle convention.
187
00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:08,076
What're you, some kinda joker?
188
00:09:08,159 --> 00:09:09,701
Lemme tell you somethin',
Arnold Horshack.
189
00:09:09,701 --> 00:09:11,683
If word gets out around school
that Vinnie's marryin'
190
00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:13,724
a manicurist,
I'm gonna shove your cuticles
191
00:09:13,785 --> 00:09:15,444
all the way up to your armpits.
192
00:09:15,527 --> 00:09:18,530
And that goes
for everyone of ya.
193
00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:23,686
And he's just the guy
to do it, too. Mm-hmm.
194
00:09:26,017 --> 00:09:28,236
Mr. Woodman,
you wanted to see me?
195
00:09:28,319 --> 00:09:30,419
Sit down, Barbarino.
196
00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:33,506
Sit down, Vinnie.
197
00:09:34,826 --> 00:09:37,225
What's all this about about,
uh, you getting married?
198
00:09:37,308 --> 00:09:39,427
- What?
- Sit down, Vinnie.
199
00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:42,781
- It's all over school.
- You're kiddin'!
200
00:09:42,864 --> 00:09:45,127
- I'm gonna kill Epstein.
- Sit down, Barbarino.
201
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,670
Sit down.
202
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,857
I don't approve
of high school marriages.
203
00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:52,297
They all end up in a sewer.
204
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,362
That's right, Vinnie,
both parties get hurt
205
00:09:54,445 --> 00:09:56,344
especially the girl.
206
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:59,305
Nobody ever cuts in on her
at the school dance.
207
00:09:59,388 --> 00:10:00,889
Not easy on the boy either.
208
00:10:00,972 --> 00:10:03,953
He has to dance all night
with his wife.
209
00:10:05,217 --> 00:10:09,496
But, uh, on second thought...
210
00:10:09,579 --> 00:10:10,920
...I think he should get
married.
211
00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:13,527
- What!
- You heard me, Julie.
212
00:10:13,602 --> 00:10:15,285
Barbarino's an exception
to the rule.
213
00:10:15,306 --> 00:10:16,568
He's played
the field long enough.
214
00:10:16,568 --> 00:10:20,414
He's had enough fun.
Let him get married.
215
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:24,788
He's a baby. He could be
ruining his whole life.
216
00:10:24,871 --> 00:10:27,829
So? He's dated
every girl in Brooklyn.
217
00:10:27,912 --> 00:10:31,838
He's been behind more billboards
than a motorcycle cop.
218
00:10:32,943 --> 00:10:34,106
It's time he settled down.
219
00:10:34,189 --> 00:10:37,456
I am telling you that
he is too young to get married.
220
00:10:37,476 --> 00:10:38,839
He lives on stale pizza
221
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,861
he doesn't have two socks
that match.
222
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:42,962
He is not ready.
223
00:10:43,045 --> 00:10:45,491
- I'm telling you he is!
- He isn't!
224
00:10:45,574 --> 00:10:47,556
- He is!
- He isn't!
225
00:10:47,639 --> 00:10:50,882
- He is!
- I'm so confused.
226
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,668
Here you go.
Here's your root beer.
227
00:11:14,335 --> 00:11:16,117
Look, w-why don't you
take Miss Universe home
228
00:11:16,117 --> 00:11:17,616
so I can save some root beer?
229
00:11:17,699 --> 00:11:18,920
No, no, no, Vinnie, come on,
we gotta make
230
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,700
the final arrangements
for the wedding here.
231
00:11:20,783 --> 00:11:22,485
Yeah, well, you tell her
I ain't rentin' a tuxedo.
232
00:11:22,566 --> 00:11:25,111
I'm wearin' a red T-shirt.
233
00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:26,708
Alright, uh...
234
00:11:26,791 --> 00:11:29,162
[speaking in foreign language]
235
00:11:33,599 --> 00:11:35,780
Yeah, yeah, roja.
236
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,254
Uh, look, uh,
what about the reception?
237
00:11:39,337 --> 00:11:40,904
No, no, uh, no reception.
238
00:11:40,987 --> 00:11:43,026
Vinnie, guy, come over here.
239
00:11:43,109 --> 00:11:45,649
Come over here,
and sit down right over here.
240
00:11:45,732 --> 00:11:48,215
Now you look into
my cousin Angelina's eyes
241
00:11:48,215 --> 00:11:50,254
and you tell her no reception.
242
00:11:50,337 --> 00:11:52,219
No reception.
243
00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:54,675
Ha! Come on, come on!
244
00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:56,457
Alright, alright,
we'll get some cheap sangria
245
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:59,781
some bean dip, but no guacamole.
246
00:11:59,782 --> 00:12:01,435
[speaking in foreign language]
247
00:12:01,436 --> 00:12:05,647
Sangria, y,uh, bean dip.
248
00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:09,232
- Perono guacamole.
- No, no, no!
249
00:12:09,976 --> 00:12:13,214
Hey, go easy on me here.
I'm just interpolatin' here.
250
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,669
[speaking in foreign language]
251
00:12:24,575 --> 00:12:26,035
Sure, sure.
252
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:31,103
She says she wants
a wedding like her sister's.
253
00:12:31,186 --> 00:12:33,830
Twenty-two hot dishes,
no substitutes.
254
00:12:33,888 --> 00:12:36,495
She's gettin' bean dip!
255
00:12:36,578 --> 00:12:39,482
She wants you to use the bean
dip money to hire a band.
256
00:12:39,565 --> 00:12:40,969
- A band?
- That's right, a band.
257
00:12:41,009 --> 00:12:43,554
Forget it, the wedding's off.
258
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,558
Uh...
259
00:12:46,969 --> 00:12:49,385
[speaking in foreign language]
260
00:12:56,315 --> 00:12:57,636
- No orquesta?
- No.
261
00:12:57,719 --> 00:13:00,091
[speaking in foreign language]
262
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:19,271
[chuckles]
263
00:13:19,353 --> 00:13:22,247
Alright, Vinnie,
here's the bottom line.
264
00:13:23,457 --> 00:13:26,580
Nine hot dishes
and one marimba player.
265
00:13:26,663 --> 00:13:28,665
N-now where am I
gonna get a marimba player?
266
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:29,859
Oh, it's okay, it's okay
267
00:13:29,867 --> 00:13:31,769
Angelina met one
in my apartment.
268
00:13:31,789 --> 00:13:33,052
- Come on, Vinnie, open up!
- Yeah.
269
00:13:33,071 --> 00:13:35,173
Let's get this
bachelor party happenin'.
270
00:13:35,173 --> 00:13:39,793
It's your last night
of freedom, bachelor number one.
271
00:13:39,876 --> 00:13:42,499
Just a minute, guys.
I-I gotta put somethin' away.
272
00:13:42,582 --> 00:13:43,944
Come on with me, Angelina.
273
00:13:43,944 --> 00:13:46,064
Come on, we'll go
get root beer and pretzels.
274
00:13:46,147 --> 00:13:48,687
- And everything nice.
- Root beer?
275
00:13:48,770 --> 00:13:49,815
[Juan] Hey!
276
00:13:49,898 --> 00:13:52,898
Lock her in here and keep
her face out of my refrigerator.
277
00:13:52,981 --> 00:13:55,005
I'm comin', guys.
278
00:13:56,224 --> 00:13:57,684
Hey, guys.
279
00:14:00,042 --> 00:14:01,177
- Hey.
- How're you doin'?
280
00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:02,848
- Hey, Vinnie, how're you doin'?
- Good.
281
00:14:02,931 --> 00:14:04,813
Hey, uh, Vinnie, man, we thought
we'd start the night off
282
00:14:04,813 --> 00:14:08,234
with, you know, a little bit
of... light poker, you know.
283
00:14:08,317 --> 00:14:11,756
The winner gets
to... kiss the bride.
284
00:14:11,839 --> 00:14:15,482
I wanted to get a girl
come out of a cake.
285
00:14:15,482 --> 00:14:19,187
I couldn't even get a girl
to come out of her house.
286
00:14:19,699 --> 00:14:21,159
Oh!
287
00:14:22,402 --> 00:14:23,862
No salt.
288
00:14:25,754 --> 00:14:28,440
You're gonna break
a lotta hearts, Vinnie.
289
00:14:28,523 --> 00:14:29,983
Especially Dolores.
290
00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:33,679
She just had your name
tattooed on her chest.
291
00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:35,862
Yeah, right out of
the aircraft carrier.
292
00:14:38,055 --> 00:14:39,255
Look, guys,
I-I'm really gettin' tired.
293
00:14:39,338 --> 00:14:41,017
You know, I got a big
weddin' day tomorrow
294
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:43,619
and, uh, I really think
it's time for you guys to scat.
295
00:14:43,702 --> 00:14:47,750
Savin' up the old strength
for tomorrow night, huh?
296
00:14:47,765 --> 00:14:52,329
Yeah, but tonight we gonna
drink, eat, and get crazy.
297
00:14:52,329 --> 00:14:54,604
Freddie, don't!
Don't-don't go in there.
298
00:14:54,605 --> 00:14:56,884
Don't go in there. There ain't
nothin' in there. No.
299
00:14:56,884 --> 00:15:00,109
There's no root beer. There's
no food for you or nothin'.
300
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:03,616
So, we'll do somethin' wild
with Cool Whip.
301
00:15:03,699 --> 00:15:05,159
- Ah!
- Don't.
302
00:15:05,563 --> 00:15:09,587
Vinnie, I'm very proud of you.
303
00:15:09,607 --> 00:15:11,989
But would you do me
one little favor?
304
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:15,530
Would you name
your first one little Arnold?
305
00:15:15,613 --> 00:15:19,038
Oh, come off it. I ain't
havin' no babies with her.
306
00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:21,214
That's very wise, Vincent.
307
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:24,553
Get that high school
diploma first.
308
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:31,677
I told you not to go in there.
309
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,242
I wish I had listened.
310
00:15:34,242 --> 00:15:36,625
Hey, um, ahem...
311
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:38,745
...your bride-to-be?
312
00:15:38,928 --> 00:15:41,110
That's a lotta woman.
313
00:15:42,371 --> 00:15:44,553
Hey, come on. Get that
little filly out here, Vinnie.
314
00:15:44,636 --> 00:15:47,291
Oh, no, come on, you're gonna
see the little filly tomorrow.
315
00:15:47,299 --> 00:15:50,650
Right after she finishes
a bucket of Cool Whip.
316
00:15:50,686 --> 00:15:53,573
Cool... Juan,
get her outta my fridge!
317
00:15:53,656 --> 00:15:54,926
[Angelina] Juan!
318
00:15:55,009 --> 00:15:58,795
Come on, Freddie,
spill the jalapenos.
319
00:15:58,878 --> 00:16:03,241
- What's she really like?
- Well, ahem...
320
00:16:03,242 --> 00:16:07,403
Let's just say, she goes well
with the apartment.
321
00:16:09,889 --> 00:16:13,436
Guys, I want you to meet
my cousin Angelina.
322
00:16:14,533 --> 00:16:18,058
- Angelina, mis amigos.
- Hola.
323
00:16:18,141 --> 00:16:18,941
What's happenin'?
324
00:16:19,024 --> 00:16:21,906
Come on now,
explain it all. Go on.
325
00:16:21,907 --> 00:16:25,611
Alright, alright.
Guys, pull up a sofa.
326
00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:29,714
The facts of this case are thus.
327
00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:32,501
She's illegal, he ain't.
328
00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:36,449
She needs a husband,
he owes me a favor.
329
00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:39,061
She gets a citizenship,
he gets a divorce.
330
00:16:39,061 --> 00:16:41,095
She goes to confession.
331
00:16:41,178 --> 00:16:43,038
Case dismissed.
332
00:16:44,202 --> 00:16:46,302
Isn't that illegal?
333
00:16:47,752 --> 00:16:50,668
Hey, guy, who's ever gonna know?
334
00:16:50,751 --> 00:16:51,772
You know, I think it's beautiful
335
00:16:51,772 --> 00:16:53,631
that she wants to become
a citizen.
336
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:55,294
Hey, you know, me too.
337
00:16:55,377 --> 00:16:57,176
Hey, congratulations, Angelina.
338
00:16:57,259 --> 00:16:59,339
I think it's pretty hip
what you doin'.
339
00:16:59,422 --> 00:17:03,362
You know, y-you're gettin'
hooked up to a-a real good guy.
340
00:17:03,362 --> 00:17:05,734
El Vinnie...
341
00:17:05,818 --> 00:17:08,887
...hombre muy bueno.
342
00:17:09,577 --> 00:17:11,037
Vinnie bueno?Hmm.
343
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,606
[speaking in foreign language]
344
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:27,408
What's she sayin'?
She always keeps sayin' that.
345
00:17:27,492 --> 00:17:30,893
Just some silly little fantasy
she happens to have.
346
00:17:30,976 --> 00:17:33,065
She says she wishes
you were shorter
347
00:17:33,098 --> 00:17:36,775
chubbier, had a mustache,
and played guitar.
348
00:17:37,483 --> 00:17:39,661
What's wrong with the way I am?
349
00:17:39,744 --> 00:17:42,806
Hey, guy, can she help it if she
has a thing for Freddy Fender?
350
00:17:42,888 --> 00:17:44,363
[gasps] Freddy Fender, si!
351
00:17:44,446 --> 00:17:46,817
[speaking in foreign language]
352
00:17:53,596 --> 00:17:55,938
Alright, look,
Epstein said that
353
00:17:56,022 --> 00:17:57,582
that Angelina
wouldn't even do this
354
00:17:57,665 --> 00:17:58,866
until the marimba player came.
355
00:17:58,866 --> 00:18:01,387
Well, I have nothing against
marimba players, of course
356
00:18:01,470 --> 00:18:03,292
but I do have another wedding
to go to at 7:30.
357
00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:06,144
I'm sure they'll
be here in a minute.
358
00:18:06,398 --> 00:18:08,812
Oh, there he is, look...
359
00:18:10,254 --> 00:18:12,338
Oh, Sally,
am I glad to see you!
360
00:18:12,421 --> 00:18:15,884
D-do you got an extra
marimba player on you?
361
00:18:15,967 --> 00:18:17,809
No, but Juan told me everything
362
00:18:17,809 --> 00:18:20,551
and I think what you're doin'
is very noble.
363
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:22,370
Ain't it wild?
364
00:18:22,454 --> 00:18:24,577
Look, I even got
a Girl Scout ring, too.
365
00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:27,423
Yeah, look at this.
I put a prescription on it.
366
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:31,012
It says, "Toros de Bazlon."
367
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,493
- That's so romantic.
- Yeah, ain't it?
368
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,862
I got it off
one of 'em bullfight posters.
369
00:18:35,944 --> 00:18:37,404
Oh!
370
00:18:37,794 --> 00:18:40,710
Uh, excuse me, uh, really...
371
00:18:40,793 --> 00:18:42,295
Really, we-we must get started.
372
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,482
Yes, I know, uh, look, you just
keep an eye on Sally
373
00:18:45,565 --> 00:18:47,748
'cause I date with her
after the weddin'.
374
00:18:47,831 --> 00:18:49,193
I'll get-I'll get Angelina.
375
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,265
[Angelina] No, Juan, no!
376
00:18:50,331 --> 00:18:52,746
[speaking in foreign language]
377
00:18:55,238 --> 00:18:56,468
Ay,chihuahua!
378
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,119
[screaming]
379
00:18:59,202 --> 00:19:00,940
Uh, what's wrong now?
380
00:19:01,023 --> 00:19:02,903
N-nothin', she just wants
to wait out in the hall
381
00:19:02,986 --> 00:19:04,808
for the, for the,
for the marimba player.
382
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:07,759
[speaking in foreign language]
383
00:19:13,617 --> 00:19:17,098
- Is that the bride?
- I would think so.
384
00:19:17,181 --> 00:19:19,166
It's a beautiful dress.
385
00:19:19,249 --> 00:19:22,818
[sighs] Nice gloves.
386
00:19:22,901 --> 00:19:25,274
[shouting in foreign language]
387
00:19:29,242 --> 00:19:31,503
Roberto's here,
he brought his marimba with him
388
00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:32,948
so let's get this thing rollin'.
389
00:19:32,948 --> 00:19:34,548
A-alright, everybody, uh, uh...
390
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,575
Friends of the groom
on this side please.
391
00:19:36,655 --> 00:19:40,355
- Yeah, alright. Yeah.
- Okay, alright.
392
00:19:40,421 --> 00:19:44,284
Gee, just look at this place.
It looks so festive, you know?
393
00:19:44,368 --> 00:19:47,891
Too bad they don't have
a wedding photographer.
394
00:19:47,975 --> 00:19:51,956
Well, obviously
Vinnie don't want no evidence.
395
00:19:52,515 --> 00:19:55,258
Alright, Mr. Music,
if you please.
396
00:19:55,341 --> 00:19:56,999
[marimba music]
397
00:19:57,082 --> 00:19:59,696
♪ Hava nagila hava ♪
398
00:19:59,779 --> 00:20:03,178
♪ Nagila ve-nismeha Hava ♪♪
399
00:20:03,262 --> 00:20:06,906
Alright, come on, cut it out.
Wrong side of the family here.
400
00:20:06,989 --> 00:20:10,015
Alright, try this one.
401
00:20:10,016 --> 00:20:12,754
♪ Ta da ta da ♪♪
402
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,278
[marimba music]
403
00:20:15,361 --> 00:20:16,821
Beautiful.
404
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,380
♪♪
405
00:20:21,273 --> 00:20:22,733
- Oh!
- Ooh!
406
00:20:26,088 --> 00:20:27,588
Everybody...
407
00:20:28,089 --> 00:20:32,693
...may I present Angelina Maria
Conchette Madria--
408
00:20:32,776 --> 00:20:34,076
We don't got time
for her whole name.
409
00:20:34,159 --> 00:20:36,500
He's got a weddin' at 7:30.
410
00:20:37,484 --> 00:20:39,484
"Dearly beloved--"
411
00:20:39,485 --> 00:20:41,900
[sobbing]
412
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,542
[clears throat] "Dearly beloved--"
413
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:47,996
[all sobbing]
414
00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:52,786
"We are gathered here today
to join in holy matrimony--"
415
00:20:52,869 --> 00:20:55,528
Un momento! Un momento!
416
00:20:55,611 --> 00:20:56,790
Juan...
417
00:20:56,873 --> 00:20:59,245
[speaking in foreign language]
418
00:21:02,314 --> 00:21:03,774
Come on!
419
00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:06,963
[speaking in foreign language]
420
00:21:08,770 --> 00:21:11,820
Oh, great, great.
Now she tells me.
421
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:14,258
Will you tell her to shut up
and get back to the weddin'?
422
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:15,536
Hey, Vinnie,
it doesn't look like
423
00:21:15,619 --> 00:21:16,780
she's gonna be your old lady.
424
00:21:16,780 --> 00:21:18,855
Doesn't look like
she wants to be.
425
00:21:18,938 --> 00:21:20,780
What, well you mean
she's not happy still?
426
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:23,403
Look, you got your wedding,
you got your reception
427
00:21:23,486 --> 00:21:26,185
you got you-your ring. You
even got your marimba player.
428
00:21:26,268 --> 00:21:27,519
Vinnie, that's the problem.
429
00:21:27,549 --> 00:21:29,911
She's in love with Roberto
the marimba player.
430
00:21:29,931 --> 00:21:32,029
Says he looks
like Freddy Fender.
431
00:21:32,112 --> 00:21:34,484
[speaking in foreign language]
432
00:21:40,277 --> 00:21:41,737
Lo siento.
433
00:21:41,903 --> 00:21:44,024
Hey, um, Vinnie...
434
00:21:44,107 --> 00:21:46,304
...you've been dumped.
435
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:50,252
Hey, gang, what say
436
00:21:50,335 --> 00:21:54,055
we save all of the rice
and eat it for dinner?
437
00:21:55,102 --> 00:21:56,972
I don't understand,
what're you guys talkin'--
438
00:21:57,055 --> 00:21:58,542
Vinnie, listen to me.
439
00:21:58,626 --> 00:22:00,446
Don't you understand Spanish?
440
00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:03,869
She ain't in love with you.
She don't wanna marry you.
441
00:22:03,953 --> 00:22:07,155
She's in love with Roberto
the marimba player.
442
00:22:08,259 --> 00:22:10,095
I love you!
443
00:22:10,178 --> 00:22:12,021
You're the best thing
that's happened to me.
444
00:22:12,104 --> 00:22:14,824
- I'll never forget ya.
- Gracias,Vinnie.
445
00:22:14,907 --> 00:22:17,007
Not you, him.
446
00:22:18,693 --> 00:22:21,064
Yeah, you too. Come here.
447
00:22:28,609 --> 00:22:31,612
Well, Vinnie, how'd it feel
to almost get married?
448
00:22:31,772 --> 00:22:32,975
Ain't so bad I imagine.
449
00:22:33,058 --> 00:22:36,520
- Thank you.
- I might get married one day.
450
00:22:36,603 --> 00:22:39,928
If I can-I can find
a lady marimba player.
451
00:22:41,491 --> 00:22:43,590
With a mustache.
452
00:22:44,757 --> 00:22:47,477
Well, you two can joke,
but, uh...
453
00:22:47,561 --> 00:22:50,163
...I know how it feels
to be left at the altar.
454
00:22:50,246 --> 00:22:51,706
No kiddin'.
455
00:22:52,089 --> 00:22:53,549
That's right.
456
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,887
I was only 19.
457
00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:59,995
She was 22,
a barnstorming aviatrix.
458
00:23:01,438 --> 00:23:05,100
Finished third in
the Powder Puff Derby.
459
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:08,426
Loved to watch her
pour it all on the turns.
460
00:23:09,939 --> 00:23:13,333
We were to be married in midair,
but it never happened.
461
00:23:13,417 --> 00:23:15,255
What went wrong?
462
00:23:15,339 --> 00:23:18,681
Well, one day, they...
463
00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:21,027
...they found her goggles...
464
00:23:21,388 --> 00:23:23,028
...her leather jacket,
and her white scarf
465
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:25,954
scattered in a corn field.
466
00:23:25,954 --> 00:23:28,935
Ran off with a field hand.
467
00:23:31,122 --> 00:23:34,843
I'll never go near Iowa again.
468
00:23:40,511 --> 00:23:42,403
[theme song]
469
00:23:47,735 --> 00:23:50,481
♪ Welcome back ♪
470
00:23:50,564 --> 00:23:54,180
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
471
00:23:54,263 --> 00:23:56,444
♪ Welcome back ♪
472
00:23:56,527 --> 00:24:01,318
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
473
00:24:01,401 --> 00:24:03,407
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
474
00:24:03,490 --> 00:24:05,540
♪ Since you hung around ♪
475
00:24:05,623 --> 00:24:10,109
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
476
00:24:10,192 --> 00:24:12,329
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
477
00:24:12,412 --> 00:24:14,157
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
478
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,246
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
479
00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:18,335
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
480
00:24:18,418 --> 00:24:22,426
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
481
00:24:22,509 --> 00:24:24,863
♪ Welcome back ♪
482
00:24:24,946 --> 00:24:29,085
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪
483
00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:31,261
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
484
00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:34,089
♪ Welcome back ♪
485
00:24:34,172 --> 00:24:37,876
♪ We always could
spot a friend ♪
486
00:24:37,959 --> 00:24:40,139
♪ Welcome back ♪
487
00:24:40,222 --> 00:24:44,883
♪ And I smile when I think
how you must have been ♪
488
00:24:44,966 --> 00:24:49,192
♪ And I know what a scene
you were learnin' in ♪
489
00:24:49,275 --> 00:24:53,326
♪ Was there something
that made you come back again ♪
490
00:24:53,409 --> 00:24:55,807
♪ And what could ever lead ya ♪
491
00:24:55,890 --> 00:24:57,592
♪ What could ever lead ya ♪
492
00:24:57,675 --> 00:24:59,768
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
493
00:24:59,851 --> 00:25:01,592
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪♪
37098
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