Original subtitles

[Washington] Alright. There you go.

Ow!

Hey, man, whaddya think you're doin'?

You could have been killed.

Hey, look, when I make my moves,just back off.

Well, how about some one-on-one, huh?

Hey, Arthur, do me a favor, right?

Get lost! You've been following me round

for the last few weeks, man, I don't want you

following me around, especially

you straight "A" students.

It's bad for my image.

Hey, Freddie, nothing could ever hurt your image.

Yeah, that is true.

I was born with suavee.

Check it out, Arthur. Can you do this?

- Hey, baby. - Unh-uh.

Can you? Can you do that?

- Unh-uh. - Unh-uh, right?

Arthur, do me a favor, right?

Just stick to your homework.

And if you're a good boy, tomorrow I'll let you do mine.

- Hey, yo, cats, y'all, y'all. - Hey, Freddie.

This is the greatest thing I ever thought of.

This is the greatest one yet.

Check it out, boy.

When he sees this, he gonna go nuts.

And he should be here in about five seconds.

Hold up.

Five, four, three, two, one.

This is an outrage.

An outrage, I tell ya!

- Hello... - Hello...

- Hello... - Hello...

Don't hello me, you weasels.

Arthur, what are you doing here?

- Well, I-I was... - Alright, alright.

Which one of you clowns is responsible?

Not me, I've never been responsible.

Okay, Mr. Woodman, what did we do now?

Someone stuck a sticker to my bumper.

[laughter]

Ah, you know what they say, Mr. Woodman

it pays to advertise.

[laughter]

Oh, Mr. Woodman.

You should leave this on.

Who knows, you may get lucky with a prune.

[laughter]

Laugh about it all you want but I'm warning you

I'm getting to the bottom of this.

[laughter continues]

A stroke of genius, Mr. Washington.

- Yeah, yeah. - Hey, Mr. Freddie.

Please, please, gentlemen, no applause.

You're going to embarrass me.

I just knew you did it.

You are so bad.

You are so right.

Freddie, look, we ain't got much time here before class

so could you endorse my report card, please?

Oh, no problem, Juan.

They don't call me "Sweet Fingers Freddie"

for nothing.

Woo-hoo, hand 'em over.

- Thank you, Juan. - Alright.

I learned this one uptown.

A little behind-the-back job.

[Juan] Whoo!

[indistinct]

Hey, this is perfect. I can't read a letter.

Hey, Beau, don't you want Freddie to sign yours?

Arthur, a true gentleman never allows

the wrong person to sign his report card.

That's why I always forge mine myself.

Hmm, adequate but you lack the "Boom Boom" flair.

Hey, Freddie, next time, will you sign mine?

- Sure enough, little brother. - Let's see.

- Ohh. - Ooh.

Unh-uh, grades this high give me a nosebleed.

[bell ringing]

There it is, y'all, come on, let's go face the music.

♪ One two you know what to do ♪

♪ Go baby go ♪

♪ Ah-hah ♪

♪ Go baby go ♪

♪ Yeah uh-huh ♪♪

Unh-uh. Arthur, Arthur.

Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur.

Arthur, this is not your class.

Your class is down the hall.

You know, where Mr. Woodman keeps his good little boys?

Where everyone can read?

Go on, scoot, scoot.

Goodbye, goodbye.

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪

Arthur, I'm really disappointed in you.

You're a straight "A" student.

Yeah, I'm kind of disappointed

about all that straight "A" stuff too.

You used to be the one student

I could always count on.

If I needed someone to organize

an afterschool activity, I'd call on Arthur.

And who'd you call on when you wanted some fun and laughs?

Fun and laughs?

Who needs that?

You call it fun what you did to Miss Hargrove today?

I mean, how could she possibly maintain

peace and order in the library

wearing a bumper sticker saying

"librarians have big bookends?"

Arthur, it was not funny.

But everybody laughed when a certain someone did it to you.

That's different.

I'm used to people laughing at my bumper.

Arthur, what's the matter with you?

You were never in trouble before.

Now you're talking back, disrupting classes

your grades are slipping.

You're acting like, like a Sweathog.

Thanks for the talk, Mr. Woodman.

Now I know I'm on the right track.

And in the words of my main man...

..."Bye there."

Arthur, one more thing before you go.

I don't want to see any more bumper stickers.

Don't worry, you won't.

What's happenin', y'all, what's happenin'?

Hey, what's happenin'?

Did you get my money?

Get my money.

What's happenin', y'all? What's up?

[Juan] Hey, Freddie, how you doin'?

Hey, dudes, what's shakin'?

What is this? Instant replay?

Hey, hombro.

Hey, what's goin' down?

My grades.

Man, I've been skippin' so many classes

they had to send me an absentee ballot

for the school election.

[laughing]

Hi, guys, I'm glad you're all still here.

Hey, Mrs. Kotter, take a look at this, huh?

On the way to school today, Freddie got himself xeroxed.

Yeah, I see. It's a bad copy.

Arthur, why don't you go to class?

Why should I be there, Mrs. Kotter?

Well, for one thing, you could bring up

your grade point average.

I'd rather stay here and bring it down.

Arthur.

Up your average.

After while, crocodile.

Well, that little tyke certainly is the cat's meow.

Well, I have something here for you guys.

Your report cards.

Arnold.

Freddie, here's yours.

Juan, here's yours.

Oh, Mrs. Kotter

there's got to be some kind of mistake here.

I already handed in my report card.

[both chuckling]

Yes, I know.

And now you can take this home and have it signed

by your real parents.

Those were the worst forgeries I have ever seen.

Sweet Fingers.

Beau, you'll be getting yours later.

You see, your signature was so hysterical

they're still passing it around in the teachers' lounge.

[laughter]

Freddie, speaking of forgeries

haven't you noticed that Arthur

is trying to be exactly like you?

Well, what's wrong with being like me?

There's nothing wrong with it if you're you.

I am me.

Yes, but Arthur is not you.

And by trying to be you

he's abandoning what he could be.

Mrs. Kotter, could we start over again?

I'm lost.

Okay, the point is that Arthur idolizes you guys

especially you, Freddie.

Oh, Mrs. Kotter, w-w-what's wrong with that?

I mean, don't I deserve it?

Of course you do for some things.

But I think that Arthur is looking up to you

for the wrong reasons.

Hey, Mrs. Kotter, if he's idolizing me

how wrong could his reasons be?

Freddie, don't you realize that you are his hero?

And being his hero, that means you have certain

responsibilities towards him.

Yeah, I know.

I got to be the best me I can possibly be

which is pretty near perfect.

[chuckles]

It's perfect for you maybe but I'm not so sure

that it's perfect for Arthur.

Oh, Mrs. Kotter, what do you want me to tell him?

Don't love me?

I'm lovable.

[all coughing]

Well, I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm likable.

[all coughing loudly]

I'm tolerable!

I think you better settle for "tall."

I think he's right.

At least it'll give Arthur one good reason

to look up to you.

Oh, wow, Mrs. Kotter, t-t-that's cold.

Boy, that was rough.

I'm sorry, Freddie, but you're just not thinking.

Hey, Boom Boom.

I've been waiting to talk to you.

What is it, kid?

I want to give you a token of my appreciation.

What for?

All the things you taught me.

Oh, wow. Hey, this is nice, man.

I really appreciate this timepiece, Arthur.

I-I can't take this from you, man.

I want you to have it.

I want me to have it too.

This is pretty hip.

Nah, I can't take this. It's too much, man.

Nah! Don't worry.

Plenty more where that came from.

Oh, wow, Arthur.

I didn't know you had a whole watch collection.

Must have cost you a fortune, huh?

Check it out, man, the price tags are still on 'em.

Hey, what's the matter, Boom Boom?

Would you rather have a digital?

Come here, Arthur, sit down. I-I got to talk to you, man.

Come on, sit down.

Arthur, you know you can get time for this?

You can get time for this.

You can't, you can't go around stealing

man, that's illegal.

I only did it 'cause I wanted to be

cool like you and the gang.

Arthur, how can you be cool, man, running around

with a jacket full of hot merchandise?

That's not cool, man, t-that's crazy.

Besides, we're not a gang, my man.

We're just a bunch of cats just hanging out together

'cause we enjoy one another.

Don't you like the watches?

Yeah, Arthur, I like the watches.

I'd like them a whole lot more if they'd been paid for.

Oh, don't feel like payin', then here's what I'm sayin'

if you get it for free, it's okay by me.

Catchy, but stupid.

Arthur, y-you got everything wrong.

You got me all wrong. You got everything wrong, man.

Okay, check it out.

Yeah, I-I am "bad"

but I'm not bad bad. Do you hear what I'm saying, man?

Dig where I'm coming from?

I mean, I fool around and I have my kicks

every once in a while and sometimes

I get in a little bit of trouble.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, but, Arthur, I'm working with raw material.

I'm still developing my potential.

You've got a head start on us, Arthur.

You're already smart.

I can change.

Arthur, why should you change?

I would love to get good grades.

They had to invent a whole new alphabet

for the kind of grades I get.

Freddie, it's not so great getting straight A's.

Personally, I wouldn't know.

Hey, but that's not the point, Arthur.

Me and my buddies, we are what we are.

We, we do the best with what we got.

It just don't happen to be what you got.

Yeah, but you got fun.

Yeah, but you got brains.

Don't throw it away, man.

I have to get by, I have to get by

on good looks and personality.

It ain't easy.

I'm tired of studying and being the best at everything.

See, I want to be tough. I want to be mean.

I want to have excitement, adventure.

You know, I want to have-I want to have what you got... charisma.

Oh, wow, ha, ha, ha.

Hey, Arthur, my man, how are you gonna get by on chalisma?

Um, what does... I don't even know what that means.

How about if I steal a car?

Then, can I be like you?

No, Arthur. You can go to jail.

Oh, please? I'll rob a bank.

I-I-I'll mug a mailman.

Harass a priest.

Hey, A-Arthur, that won't be necessary, alright?

Um, I just got to think, think about it for a while

and I'll get back to you, alright?

Well, what did you say this guy's name was?

Oh, the guy's name is Arthur, man.

- Right here, right here. - Yeah, little pain, man.

He keeps following me around. I don't know what to do.

Sounds like a real weirdo, you know?

He's driving me crazy, man.

Mr. Saunders, I got your dinner here.

I'm not hungry.

It's doctor's orders, you gotta eat.

I got you chicken.

You like chicken, I know you like chicken.

There you go. I know what you're talkin' about, Freddie.

I used to have guys try to copy me all the time.

I know, Vinnie, that's why I came to you for advice.

Really? Thanks.

Well, I-I guess that's what you call a "crash diet."

[chuckles]

Don't worry about it, Mr. Saunders.

I'll clean it up, I've got another one here for you.

Don't bother.

He didn't eat much.

Oh, uh, you should try that, man.

It's delicious.

You know, either that guy's got a tongue

as long as a frog or he's gonna starve to death, Vinnie.

I'm sorry, Mr. Saunders.

I'll crank it. It's broke.

Would you prop him up? I'll hand feed him.

Oh, no problem, man.

Okay, airplane in the hangar.

Here we go.

Hmm, open up the hangar here comes the airplane.

Hmm. Ha-ha, fooled you.

Here we go.

That good? Oh, oops.

Good.

Do you mind if we talk while you eat?

I don't care what you do.

N-now how big is this guy?

Oh, wow, he's a little guy, man, he's little.

I mean, he's just about, he's about yay tall, man.

- A little guy? - Yeah.

- I can't believe it. - Hmm.

- There you go. - You know what else, man?

He trying to imitate me walk like me, dance like me.

[yelling]

Sorry, Mr. Saunders.

Look, I'll just clean this up and...

[groaning]

- We'll get right into that... - Oh!

I don't like chicken.

Why didn't you tell me you didn't like chicken?

I got roast beef.

Look, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, roast beef.

Freddie, would you-would you get that, get that bottom tray

and give it to him?

- Yeah. - Agh.

I'm tellin' you, man.

I don't know what to do, man.

Ooh, I know, I just got the idea, man.

You know, I'm gonna get together

with Epstein and Horshack and the rest of the guys

and we're gonna give that guy, Arthur, a real scare.

And after that, man

I think we'll be rid of him forever, man.

- Whaddya think of that? - You know what you do?

You get together with the guys and you give Arthur

a real scare and get rid of him forever.

Look, I got to-I got to get outta here.

Yeah, see ya.

Hey, Freddie, whaddya think?

The latest in men's jewelry.

Well, I know that I look meaner than usual.

This morning, when I looked in the mirror

I gave myself all my money.

Arnold, Arnold.

The idea's not to scare yourself.

The idea is to scare Arthur.

- What's that for? - To hide behind.

I don't want to get hurt.

Look, nobody wants to get hurt.

And nobody is gonna get hurt.

We just want to make Arthur think that someone is.

[sarcastically laughing]

Alright, come on. Check it out, check it out.

When we get down to the real nitty gritty

we're gonna get Arthur so scared, man

he gonna run like a jackrabbit.

[sarcastically laughing]

Yeah? Well, here comes Peter Cottontail now.

[Washington] Come on, positions, positions.

Hi.

Hey, yo, yo, Arthur.

Arthur, hey, what's happenin'?

You ready, Arthur?

Sure, sure. For what?

Hey, Arthur.

Who's been getting' on your case lately?

Hey, Arthur, who's been bummin' you out lately?

Hey, Arthur, who's been crampin' your style lately?

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Hey, Arthur, who's been raining on your parade?

It's Mr. Woodman, Mr. Woodman, man.

That cat, that cat's been comin' down on you.

And now we're gonna come downon him.

Good.

Let's hide his teeth.

We're gonna beat him up.

You get the first hit.

Gee, thanks.

Well, I mean, of course, if you can't do it.

I can do it.

Alright, he's gonna be comin' out here any minute.

We want you to stand right behind this door

right over here.

And we'll be right behind you.

- T-t-to back you up. - Right, yeah.

Here you are, Arthur.

Today, you are a man.

Hey, yo, Arthur.

Put some pressure on him.

Hey, Arthur.

First aid kit, just in case.

Alright, brother, you ready now.

I mean, you dressed to kill, man.

I'm telling you, man, old Woody, old Woody is in for it now.

I mean, I'm gonna take that guy

I'm gonna take that dude and turn his nose upside down

that when he go out in the rain, he gonna drown.

Alright!

But, um, first we have to have a little war council.

You got it okay, Arthur? Okay.

[snapping fingers]

Hey, Freddie, I think your plan has backfired.

Oh, okay, okay.

Lemme just think, lemme think, all right?

- Alright. - Okay.

- I got an idea. - What?

We just got to lay it on him thicker.

- Thicker? - Yeah, let's get tough.

- Tough! - Let's get mean.

- Mean! - Let's get help.

Come on, Arnold, tough, tough, you guys, tough.

- Tough, tough, tough, tough. - Oh, we're tough.

- Oh, we're tough. - Tough, tough.

Let's pulverize his body.

Let's galvanize his teeth.

Let's liquidate his nose.

Let's midasize his muffler.

Shoot, by the time we've finished with old Woody

he can be buried in a sardine can.

We'll give him open-heart surgery

with no anesthetic.

Okay, time out.

War council two.

[snapping fingers]

Oh, dear, oh, dear... What are we gonna do?

Hey, look, I-I'll tell you what we're gotta do, right?

We got to tell him the truth.

Now that's a good idea.

But let's wait until he calms down, okay? Bye now.

No, no, we've got to tell Him now in case something drastic...

No, don't!

Mr. Woodman, run for your life!

Stay where you are, you-you-you juvenile delinquents.

I think it worked.

Hey, yo, brother.

Hey, man, this was gonna be a-a-a fun night.

You just blew it.

Oh, man, you don't got the guts it takes to be like me.

If this is what you call guts, I'm glad I don't have it.

I'm taking those watches back to my father's shop

and then I'm gonna study so hard that I'll graduate early

and get away from youand your friends.

Excuse me.

Does this mean you're not gonna tutor me in English?

I guess that means "no."

[laughter]

Mr. Woodman, what are you doing?

I'm trying to get outside.

Have you tried using the door?

Isn't it a little early for Halloween?

Nah, it's never too early for a little trick or treat.

Especially the trick part.

[chuckling]

What's going on here?

We just got Arthur back on the right track.

Yeah, yeah, we just lead a poor little kid

away from a life of crime and restitution.

Yeah.

We really grossed him out.

[chuckling]

You realize what you've done?

That boy idolized you.

Now he thinks you're filthy swine, scum of the earth

lowest of the low.

Thanks for setting him straight.

[indistinct]

Well, guys, I never thought I'd hear myself say this

but that was a really noble thing you did.

It was Freddie's idea.

Yeah, I'm kind of glad we got rid of that kid anyway.

He was getting on my nerves.

Yeah, well, he thought you were great.

[Arnold] He thought you were cool.

You know, Freddie, he thought right.

Yeah, well, you know, everybody knows

there's-there's only, there's only room for one Boom Boom.

I'm a poet and I know it, right?

[chuckles]

So, we're all better off, right, Mrs. Kotter?

Right, Freddie.

Especially Arthur.

Thanks.

Let me ask you something.

If Arthur hadn't defended me

you guys really weren't gonna work me over, were you?

[snapping fingers]

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ We always could spot a friend ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ And I smile when I think how you must have been ♪

♪ And I know what a scene you were learnin' in ♪

♪ Was there something that made you come back again ♪

♪ And what could ever lead ya ♪

♪ What could ever lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome... ♪♪