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1
00:00:00,716 --> 00:00:01,812
[bell ringing]
2
00:00:01,895 --> 00:00:03,204
That's Friday, gentlemen.
3
00:00:03,287 --> 00:00:04,815
We survived another
week of education.
4
00:00:04,898 --> 00:00:06,358
- Yeehaw!
- Yeah?
5
00:00:06,682 --> 00:00:10,212
Well, I don't feel no smarter
than I did last week.
6
00:00:10,295 --> 00:00:13,432
Well, I think that
our school work is a credit.
7
00:00:13,515 --> 00:00:16,131
To the letter F.
8
00:00:16,214 --> 00:00:17,828
That us just the four Fs.
9
00:00:17,911 --> 00:00:18,916
[chuckles]
10
00:00:18,999 --> 00:00:20,459
Yeah.
11
00:00:20,566 --> 00:00:21,962
May I remind you all
that tonight
12
00:00:22,045 --> 00:00:23,834
is the mid semester dance.
13
00:00:23,917 --> 00:00:25,005
- Alright.
- Yeehaw!
14
00:00:25,088 --> 00:00:27,753
A time for wine,
women and songs.
15
00:00:27,836 --> 00:00:31,492
Great. Where we gonna find a
singing lady wino.
16
00:00:31,575 --> 00:00:33,743
[laughing]
17
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,748
Well, sounds to me like
you don't have no date.
18
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:37,310
So, I'll check
my out of town book.
19
00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:38,431
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
20
00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:40,313
Now, don't you do me no favors.
21
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,696
I remember the first time
you fixed me up.
22
00:00:42,696 --> 00:00:45,393
Remember, huh?
Your first day at school.
23
00:00:45,476 --> 00:00:48,399
- How can I forget?
- Yeah.
24
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,082
Oh, hey, Doris, Doris
25
00:00:50,165 --> 00:00:51,366
we're all set for
tomorrow night.
26
00:00:51,366 --> 00:00:53,365
Look at who's fighting
in the main event here.
27
00:00:53,448 --> 00:00:59,324
We got "Grease Gun" Gomez versus
al "Three Toes" Tortellini.
28
00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:03,070
Tortellini eats
barbed wire for lunch.
29
00:01:03,153 --> 00:01:05,277
Juan, I can't stand blood.
30
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,241
You know, me neither.
31
00:01:07,324 --> 00:01:11,129
I'd rather see lumps,
bruises, and contusions.
32
00:01:12,229 --> 00:01:14,112
Good, then you go
to the fights with him.
33
00:01:14,194 --> 00:01:18,946
Oh, Doris, why don't
you do what I do?
34
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:22,732
Keep your eyes closed and
throw cushions at the referee.
35
00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:23,656
I'm not going.
36
00:01:23,739 --> 00:01:26,742
I paid good American
dollars for these tickets.
37
00:01:26,743 --> 00:01:28,544
What do you mean
you ain't going?
38
00:01:28,545 --> 00:01:31,485
The principal's office is
right over there, Beau.
39
00:01:31,486 --> 00:01:33,388
Oh, thank you so much.
40
00:01:33,389 --> 00:01:35,451
I'm new here and
somewhat dependent
41
00:01:35,452 --> 00:01:38,194
upon the kindness of strangers.
42
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,242
Thank you for this, too.
43
00:01:40,325 --> 00:01:41,785
"555-2161."
44
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,146
you just stay by your
phone tonight, hear?
45
00:01:46,229 --> 00:01:48,191
You'll remember my
number, too, won't you, Beau?
46
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,733
Oh, darling, there
are three things
47
00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:52,255
Beau de Labarre never forgets
48
00:01:52,338 --> 00:01:54,657
names, phone numbers
49
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,629
and how to hang up
if your daddy answers.
50
00:01:56,630 --> 00:01:58,553
[chuckles]
51
00:02:00,058 --> 00:02:01,689
[exhales]
52
00:02:04,973 --> 00:02:06,534
Excuse me.
53
00:02:07,439 --> 00:02:09,402
Hi, my name's Beau de Labarre
from New Orleans.
54
00:02:09,485 --> 00:02:11,686
I'm new here, and I wondered
if you might direct me
55
00:02:11,769 --> 00:02:13,348
to the nearest
principal's office.
56
00:02:13,431 --> 00:02:16,313
Well, hush my puppies!
57
00:02:18,256 --> 00:02:20,359
I tell you what you
got to do, darling.
58
00:02:20,442 --> 00:02:23,725
What you got to do is you go
around the old magnolia bush
59
00:02:23,808 --> 00:02:27,790
down tobacco road,
then... up your plantation.
60
00:02:30,754 --> 00:02:35,847
But... us poor white trash
61
00:02:35,930 --> 00:02:39,334
we just take the
third door on the left.
62
00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:42,375
And land safe now
child, land safe.
63
00:02:42,458 --> 00:02:45,361
You make sure your
mama know where you is.
64
00:02:46,364 --> 00:02:49,105
She gonna be worried about you.
65
00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:51,891
I'm sure you gentlemen
wouldn't mind
66
00:02:51,891 --> 00:02:55,095
if this young lady
showed me the way.
67
00:02:56,898 --> 00:02:58,901
Not if you wouldn't
mind getting a boll weevil
68
00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:00,663
shoved up your nose.
69
00:03:03,145 --> 00:03:04,266
Listen, fellas
70
00:03:04,349 --> 00:03:06,351
I'm not looking for any trouble.
71
00:03:06,434 --> 00:03:08,958
I'm just looking for
the principal's office
72
00:03:09,038 --> 00:03:11,942
or anything else I
might find along the way.
73
00:03:17,294 --> 00:03:22,005
Well, fiddle-de-dee,
Master Juan.
74
00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:25,791
The south done rose again.
75
00:03:26,614 --> 00:03:28,835
Get off my back.
76
00:03:29,455 --> 00:03:31,498
That new southern
dude's just a mouth.
77
00:03:31,581 --> 00:03:33,278
Yeah, it's too bad his mouth
78
00:03:33,304 --> 00:03:36,627
is gonna be all
over Doris' lips.
79
00:03:40,455 --> 00:03:43,736
How would you like your
lips all over your face?
80
00:03:43,819 --> 00:03:44,919
I wouldn't like that at all.
81
00:03:45,002 --> 00:03:48,113
- Well, I didn't think so.
- Well, you're very psychic.
82
00:03:51,070 --> 00:03:54,486
[theme music]
83
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,564
♪ Welcome back ♪
84
00:04:03,647 --> 00:04:07,351
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
85
00:04:07,434 --> 00:04:09,657
♪ Welcome back ♪
86
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:14,445
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
87
00:04:14,528 --> 00:04:16,621
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
88
00:04:16,704 --> 00:04:18,797
♪ Since you hung around ♪
89
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,060
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
90
00:04:21,143 --> 00:04:23,410
♪ And they've turned around ♪
91
00:04:23,493 --> 00:04:25,079
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
92
00:04:25,079 --> 00:04:26,955
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
93
00:04:27,038 --> 00:04:28,956
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
94
00:04:29,039 --> 00:04:31,307
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
95
00:04:31,390 --> 00:04:33,309
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
96
00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:35,441
♪ 'Cause we got him
on the spot ♪
97
00:04:35,524 --> 00:04:37,748
♪ Welcome back ♪
98
00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:42,057
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
99
00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:44,276
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
100
00:04:44,359 --> 00:04:46,409
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
101
00:04:46,492 --> 00:04:48,585
♪ 'Cause we got him
on the spot ♪
102
00:04:48,668 --> 00:04:50,935
♪ Welcome back ♪
103
00:04:51,018 --> 00:04:55,200
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
104
00:04:55,283 --> 00:05:00,353
♪ Welcome back welcome
back welcome back ♪♪
105
00:05:03,394 --> 00:05:05,474
Now, Gabe, don't forget
that the chicken soup
106
00:05:05,557 --> 00:05:08,239
is on the stove, and please
don't walk around the apartment
107
00:05:08,322 --> 00:05:10,779
without your slippers
and bath robe, okay?
108
00:05:10,863 --> 00:05:12,765
Don't forget to take
your medicine either.
109
00:05:12,849 --> 00:05:14,308
Bye-bye.
110
00:05:14,988 --> 00:05:16,772
Julie, get your pad, please.
111
00:05:16,855 --> 00:05:19,491
This memo has to
go out right away.
112
00:05:21,122 --> 00:05:25,025
"To all students
taking driver education
113
00:05:25,108 --> 00:05:28,791
unless the steering wheel
and transmission are returned...
114
00:05:31,586 --> 00:05:34,739
...Driver ED classes
will be terminated."
115
00:05:34,823 --> 00:05:36,866
Exclamation point!
116
00:05:40,898 --> 00:05:42,056
Hi, Mrs. Kotter.
117
00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,740
Oh, hi, Doris.
118
00:05:43,823 --> 00:05:45,695
This is Beau... de Labarre?
119
00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:47,383
No, "Beau de Labarre."
120
00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:49,222
It should flow.
121
00:05:49,306 --> 00:05:50,547
He's from New Orleans.
122
00:05:50,630 --> 00:05:51,923
That's "New Orleans."
123
00:05:51,933 --> 00:05:55,113
That should flow, too,
just like "Mississippi."
124
00:05:55,197 --> 00:05:58,830
Doris, why don't you
flow off to class?
125
00:06:00,424 --> 00:06:02,426
Pretty little lady's right.
126
00:06:02,509 --> 00:06:04,632
I think I can handle
it from here.
127
00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:09,374
You can handle anything
from anywhere at any time.
128
00:06:13,184 --> 00:06:15,338
[sniffs]
129
00:06:16,687 --> 00:06:18,549
My, I like what I'm smellin'.
130
00:06:18,632 --> 00:06:20,722
May I inquire what it is?
131
00:06:20,722 --> 00:06:23,262
Why, yes you may.
132
00:06:23,345 --> 00:06:25,367
It's typing cleaner.
133
00:06:27,531 --> 00:06:30,671
Boy, I... You know,
I love office humor.
134
00:06:30,755 --> 00:06:32,737
- My daddy once told me--
- Uh, Mr. Woodman.
135
00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:36,438
This is Beau de Labarre, a
new student from New Orleans.
136
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:38,101
De Labarre?
137
00:06:38,184 --> 00:06:40,300
Where have you been?
138
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:43,486
Ooh, I love that voice, sir.
139
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,638
You were supposed to
report here a week ago.
140
00:06:46,722 --> 00:06:49,243
Without even being told
141
00:06:49,327 --> 00:06:52,650
I can hear I'm in the
presence of the head honcho.
142
00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:55,370
You can tell that
just from the voice?
143
00:06:56,902 --> 00:06:58,584
Yes, indeed!
144
00:06:58,966 --> 00:07:01,031
And your flair for fashion.
145
00:07:01,032 --> 00:07:02,779
[chuckles]
146
00:07:04,695 --> 00:07:06,258
Well, thank you, De Labarre.
147
00:07:06,341 --> 00:07:09,223
Polyester breathes so well.
148
00:07:09,785 --> 00:07:11,265
Julie, let me have
his transcript.
149
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,846
I want to get
Mr. De Labarre situated.
150
00:07:13,929 --> 00:07:14,831
After you, sir.
151
00:07:14,914 --> 00:07:15,956
No, no, no, after you.
152
00:07:15,956 --> 00:07:17,796
Oh, I insist.
153
00:07:17,879 --> 00:07:19,599
Thank you.
154
00:07:21,645 --> 00:07:23,494
That's a nice kid.
155
00:07:30,559 --> 00:07:34,432
You were expelled
from seven schools?
156
00:07:34,515 --> 00:07:37,755
It's not a record
I'm proud of, Mr. Woodman.
157
00:07:37,826 --> 00:07:40,268
It would be very easy
for me to point a finger
158
00:07:40,351 --> 00:07:43,754
at the decadent conditions that
existed at that point in time.
159
00:07:43,837 --> 00:07:47,541
Oh, I can imagine
how you suffered.
160
00:07:47,624 --> 00:07:51,062
I know none of this
excuses my past behavior
161
00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:53,234
but my daddy taught me
there are three things
162
00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:55,605
a real man never does...
163
00:07:57,361 --> 00:08:00,003
...cheat at cards,
lie at love
164
00:08:00,086 --> 00:08:02,631
or step on a pregnant alligator.
165
00:08:05,954 --> 00:08:08,054
That's so true.
166
00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:10,916
Unfortunately,
your grades put you
167
00:08:10,999 --> 00:08:13,828
in the remedial guidance class.
168
00:08:13,912 --> 00:08:16,001
That makes you a Sweathog.
169
00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:17,422
Sweathog?
170
00:08:17,505 --> 00:08:19,605
That sounds gross.
171
00:08:21,929 --> 00:08:23,650
It is.
172
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:35,866
That don't look nothin'
like Mr. Woodman.
173
00:08:37,090 --> 00:08:38,929
It ain't supposed
to be Mr. Woodman.
174
00:08:39,011 --> 00:08:40,796
It's supposed to be that
southern fried phony
175
00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:42,294
Beau Diddly.
176
00:08:44,335 --> 00:08:47,639
Oh, yeah, yeah, I see it now.
177
00:08:47,722 --> 00:08:51,446
It's almost
perfect, little Juan!
178
00:08:51,446 --> 00:08:55,229
Except for the eyes,
the nose, and the hair.
179
00:08:55,346 --> 00:08:58,883
♪ Look for the
confederate label ♪
180
00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:03,692
♪ When you are
buying your BVDs ♪
181
00:09:05,538 --> 00:09:08,910
Hey, man, how you get
that dude's shorts?
182
00:09:09,043 --> 00:09:12,324
They came with his pants.
183
00:09:12,407 --> 00:09:15,736
Yeah, he's in gym class
right now takin' a shower.
184
00:09:18,155 --> 00:09:21,838
Uh, you left his zipper open.
185
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:33,750
So, uh, that's what they call,
a southern exposure.
186
00:09:34,216 --> 00:09:36,317
[laughing]
187
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,032
[girls cat calling]
188
00:09:39,383 --> 00:09:42,517
Now, now, now, now,
honey child, honey child
189
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,580
honey child, that will never do!
190
00:09:45,663 --> 00:09:47,962
We have a dress code here.
191
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:52,157
Sir, you are a disgrace
to your regiment, sir.
192
00:09:53,633 --> 00:09:55,093
Oh!
193
00:09:57,199 --> 00:10:00,923
I used to have an
uncle like that
194
00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:04,247
only he used to
work with a raincoat.
195
00:10:12,337 --> 00:10:13,315
Mr. Epstein.
196
00:10:13,398 --> 00:10:15,498
Mr. De Labarre!
197
00:10:16,821 --> 00:10:18,580
I underestimated you.
198
00:10:18,663 --> 00:10:22,644
Allow me to salute
your cunning your dexterity
199
00:10:22,727 --> 00:10:23,927
and since you're holding
that staple gun
200
00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,191
your choice of weapons.
201
00:10:26,274 --> 00:10:28,798
Well, you just stay away
from my women, De Labarre
202
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,878
because the next time I
staple up these clothes
203
00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:34,420
you're gonna be in 'em.
204
00:10:37,889 --> 00:10:41,793
I can't believe that
little, cotton picker.
205
00:10:43,235 --> 00:10:45,175
How many girls does he need?
206
00:10:45,257 --> 00:10:46,957
I saw him in the library.
207
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,319
He returned one book
208
00:10:48,402 --> 00:10:50,905
and checked out
two cheerleaders.
209
00:10:53,268 --> 00:10:55,368
Excuse me, ladies.
210
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,589
Juan, Juan.
211
00:10:57,672 --> 00:10:58,894
You know, I'm new here
212
00:10:58,912 --> 00:11:01,413
I wondered if I might
pick your brains.
213
00:11:01,496 --> 00:11:02,776
Well, uh, you can try
214
00:11:02,859 --> 00:11:05,448
but you're pickin'
at an empty field.
215
00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:07,546
Ah!
216
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:11,071
Come on, come on.
217
00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:13,254
Yeah, sure, sure.
218
00:11:13,357 --> 00:11:15,699
That little dental hygienist
over there
219
00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:17,871
she needs a date for tonight.
220
00:11:17,953 --> 00:11:20,136
I'd ask you to fill in,
but I'd hate to risk you
221
00:11:20,136 --> 00:11:22,176
falling behind on
your school work.
222
00:11:22,259 --> 00:11:25,632
He's two years behind
now, what's another night?
223
00:11:29,366 --> 00:11:32,647
Hey, uh, you could
recommend me, little Juan.
224
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:36,852
No offense, Arnold, but
this is a, uh, physical woman.
225
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,640
Her taste doesn't
run toward the, um--
226
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,100
Intellectual.
227
00:11:45,023 --> 00:11:48,460
What do you say, Juan,
are you gonna help me out?
228
00:11:50,146 --> 00:11:52,409
Yeah, sure, sure, I'll
do you a favor this time
229
00:11:52,451 --> 00:11:54,132
but you owe me one.
230
00:11:54,215 --> 00:11:57,385
Come on, let's go over
and check out the goods.
231
00:12:13,575 --> 00:12:15,035
Oh, Freddie...
232
00:12:15,751 --> 00:12:17,844
we never should've
let little Juan go out
233
00:12:17,927 --> 00:12:20,025
with that dental technician.
234
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,809
Don't let that smile fool you.
235
00:12:23,051 --> 00:12:24,813
She probably gave
him a good flossing
236
00:12:24,813 --> 00:12:27,355
and sent him straight home.
237
00:12:28,716 --> 00:12:30,238
Yeah, sure, sure,
that's why I got
238
00:12:30,321 --> 00:12:32,203
another appointment
with her for tonight.
239
00:12:32,224 --> 00:12:35,849
Come on, guys, I'm talkin'
about a sophisticated lady here.
240
00:12:35,869 --> 00:12:37,789
Marlene Palumbo
happens to be a graduate
241
00:12:37,872 --> 00:12:41,216
of Dr. Waldheim's
school of Oral Hygiene.
242
00:12:43,202 --> 00:12:46,008
That's a terrific school.
243
00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:51,164
They advertise on every
matchbook in the city.
244
00:12:51,247 --> 00:12:53,649
That's right and after I dumped
Beau and his date
245
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,213
I took Marlene to the fights.
246
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:56,374
Now, come on, Epstein, come on.
247
00:12:56,374 --> 00:12:59,675
Let's get down to
the real nitty-gritty.
248
00:12:59,758 --> 00:13:03,300
What happened... after
you took her home?
249
00:13:03,939 --> 00:13:05,580
What do you think happened?
250
00:13:05,663 --> 00:13:08,745
She's a dental hygienisist,
isn't she?
251
00:13:10,885 --> 00:13:13,135
Ooh, I get it, I get it.
252
00:13:13,218 --> 00:13:16,285
They drank beer
out of a waterpik.
253
00:13:16,614 --> 00:13:18,999
Nothin' happened,
that's what happened!
254
00:13:19,082 --> 00:13:20,367
Oh, yeah, sure,
nothin' happened.
255
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,827
Juan, Juan.
256
00:13:22,926 --> 00:13:26,668
I just want you to know, I'm
mighty sorry about last night.
257
00:13:26,751 --> 00:13:28,433
It's just your own fault,
Beau, you just picked
258
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,774
the wrong girl, that's all.
259
00:13:29,774 --> 00:13:34,857
Yeah, Juan got the swinger
with the waterpik.
260
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,203
That's right, she saw Juan
through his cavity-prone years
261
00:13:37,264 --> 00:13:39,113
in one night.
262
00:13:40,024 --> 00:13:41,486
I wish that hadn't happened.
263
00:13:41,569 --> 00:13:43,631
Well, Beau, she just couldn't
help herself, you know?
264
00:13:43,651 --> 00:13:48,034
You're just looking at a man
here with animal magnitude.
265
00:13:48,117 --> 00:13:49,255
That may be true
266
00:13:49,338 --> 00:13:53,042
but it's not gonna put you in
good stead with her husband.
267
00:13:55,094 --> 00:13:56,705
[in unison] Husband?
268
00:13:56,788 --> 00:13:58,659
Hey, man, you didn't tell
us that chick was married.
269
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:00,112
Hey, don't blame
Juan, he didn't know.
270
00:14:00,195 --> 00:14:02,876
I just found out myself.
271
00:14:02,958 --> 00:14:05,381
She's got an old man?
272
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:09,164
Well, unfortunately,
he's not that old.
273
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:10,769
Juan, I feel terrible
about all this
274
00:14:10,769 --> 00:14:12,228
and I'm gonna do
everything I can
275
00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:14,891
to smuggle you
out of the country.
276
00:14:14,974 --> 00:14:16,694
Smuggle me out of the country?
277
00:14:16,777 --> 00:14:19,584
Well, I presume
that's how you got in.
278
00:14:21,571 --> 00:14:24,918
Hey, guy, Juan Epstein
don't run from nobody.
279
00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:28,460
I mean, I've worked over more
faces than a plastic sturgeon.
280
00:14:29,692 --> 00:14:32,278
That kind of courage
may serve you well
281
00:14:32,278 --> 00:14:35,519
because Marlene...
Mrs. Palombo, that is...
282
00:14:35,602 --> 00:14:38,148
likens her husband
to the incredible hulk.
283
00:14:38,231 --> 00:14:40,813
[both] The incredible hulk?
284
00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:45,436
Juan.
285
00:14:45,519 --> 00:14:47,824
Juan, there's a phone
call for you in the office.
286
00:14:47,907 --> 00:14:49,845
It's a Mrs. Palombo.
287
00:14:49,928 --> 00:14:52,272
Juan, she is hysterical.
288
00:14:52,355 --> 00:14:55,539
Something about
you and her husband
289
00:14:55,622 --> 00:14:57,082
and killing.
290
00:14:58,659 --> 00:15:00,119
Santos gevalt!
291
00:15:03,330 --> 00:15:05,450
I wish I had been there when
that phone call came.
292
00:15:05,533 --> 00:15:07,169
You must've been
shakin' in your boots.
293
00:15:07,252 --> 00:15:08,712
Oooh. Whoo.
294
00:15:11,441 --> 00:15:13,819
Hey, guy, Juan Epstein
don't shake.
295
00:15:13,902 --> 00:15:16,005
He don't tremble.
He don't run.
296
00:15:16,088 --> 00:15:17,910
He just sweats a lot.
297
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:18,890
[laughing]
298
00:15:18,973 --> 00:15:23,707
And then he faints a lot.
299
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,397
Come on. Come on, you guys.
300
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,580
I remember that day
more than anybody.
301
00:15:27,663 --> 00:15:29,684
I was very cool.
302
00:15:30,402 --> 00:15:33,905
Juan, Mrs. Palombo's on
the phone waiting for you.
303
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,729
No speak the English.
304
00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:51,512
Hi, there.
305
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,456
Yeah, yeah.
306
00:15:54,539 --> 00:15:56,303
Just hold up, I'm listenin',
alright.
307
00:15:56,386 --> 00:15:58,151
Well, I just missed
the part where you say
308
00:15:58,151 --> 00:16:00,476
your husband was
gonna tear off Juan's arm
309
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:03,366
and use it to
break both his legs.
310
00:16:05,652 --> 00:16:09,319
Oh, these are violent
times, Mrs. Kotter.
311
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:12,845
Guys, since when has Juan
started dating married women?
312
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,625
Well, since last night.
313
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,928
That southern dude
really fixed Juan up.
314
00:16:16,994 --> 00:16:18,657
With Mrs. Palombo, the wife?
315
00:16:18,657 --> 00:16:20,641
Enter Mr. Palombo, the gorilla.
316
00:16:20,661 --> 00:16:21,973
Exit Juan, the frightened.
317
00:16:21,983 --> 00:16:23,385
Soon to be Juan, the pulverized.
318
00:16:23,385 --> 00:16:25,005
- Let's split.
- See you at the funeral.
319
00:16:25,088 --> 00:16:28,310
- See you later.
- Bye now.
320
00:16:31,035 --> 00:16:33,680
Juan, Juan, you been in
there for three hours.
321
00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:36,239
You can come out now.
322
00:16:36,322 --> 00:16:38,422
- Any signs of godzilla?
- No.
323
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:41,800
If you ask me, that
dude ain't showin'.
324
00:16:47,052 --> 00:16:48,093
Look, Freddie
325
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,632
if I don't make it
through this day
326
00:16:49,715 --> 00:16:52,478
there's somethin
here I want you to have.'
327
00:16:56,301 --> 00:16:59,151
"My last will and tenement."
328
00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:02,685
Do you think he's
gonna bump himself off?
329
00:17:02,768 --> 00:17:05,183
How, flush himself
down a toilet?
330
00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:11,959
"I, Juan Sanchez Jose
Martinez Guadalupe Sandoval
331
00:17:12,042 --> 00:17:17,327
Ortega Valdez
Jesus Angel Cordero
332
00:17:17,468 --> 00:17:23,387
Di Huevos
Epstein... the third...
333
00:17:27,538 --> 00:17:30,514
I hereby leave to my good
friend, Freddie Washington."
334
00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:32,119
Oh, Freddie, hey!
335
00:17:32,202 --> 00:17:35,823
"The priceless contents of
the top shelf of my locker
336
00:17:35,906 --> 00:17:38,849
two hubcaps from a police car."
337
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:42,218
"To my dearest and
best beloved friend
338
00:17:42,218 --> 00:17:44,980
Arnold Horshack..." Oh, Juan!
339
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:51,302
"I leave all of my
excuse notes," Oh!
340
00:17:53,183 --> 00:17:56,928
"And also my mother's recipe
341
00:17:56,928 --> 00:18:00,474
for matzah balls ranchero."
342
00:18:02,675 --> 00:18:05,235
Hey, Juan, hey, man
343
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,622
that's beautiful,
brother, that's beautiful.
344
00:18:07,622 --> 00:18:08,922
Hey, Juan, don't
give up the hope, man.
345
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,925
You got us to protect
you, don't worry.
346
00:18:10,926 --> 00:18:13,249
Oh, yeah, Juan, don't worry.
347
00:18:13,249 --> 00:18:14,811
You'll make it through the day
348
00:18:14,812 --> 00:18:16,174
but just in case you don't
349
00:18:16,174 --> 00:18:19,254
how come Freddie
gets more than me?
350
00:18:19,337 --> 00:18:20,436
Sorry, Arnold.
351
00:18:20,519 --> 00:18:22,891
I ran out of paper.
352
00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:30,794
Mrs. Kotter, these
supplies just came in for you.
353
00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:33,120
Thought I'd bring 'em up
just to lighten your load.
354
00:18:33,204 --> 00:18:34,641
You shouldn't have bothered.
355
00:18:34,725 --> 00:18:36,103
Just trying to be helpful.
356
00:18:36,186 --> 00:18:38,465
Like you were with Juan?
357
00:18:38,549 --> 00:18:42,148
I heard about the big favor
you did him last night.
358
00:18:42,232 --> 00:18:43,799
From your tone, I gather
your response
359
00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:45,405
is less than enthusiastic.
360
00:18:45,476 --> 00:18:47,134
You gather right.
361
00:18:47,217 --> 00:18:48,659
You know, I think you knew
362
00:18:48,659 --> 00:18:50,009
that Mrs. Palombo was married
363
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,462
before you ever
fixed Juan up with her.
364
00:18:52,482 --> 00:18:54,265
You were just angry
because he stapled
365
00:18:54,284 --> 00:18:56,465
your clothes to the wall.
366
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,754
Mrs. Kotter, imagine
how you'd feel
367
00:18:59,754 --> 00:19:00,977
with a whole
school full of people
368
00:19:00,977 --> 00:19:03,000
staring at your panties.
369
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,614
On the wall, I mean.
370
00:19:06,697 --> 00:19:09,571
Is this how you did things
down in New Orleans?
371
00:19:09,654 --> 00:19:11,799
Well, to correct your low
opinion of me, Mrs. Kotter
372
00:19:11,819 --> 00:19:13,980
I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret.
373
00:19:14,063 --> 00:19:16,021
There is no Mrs. Palombo.
374
00:19:16,098 --> 00:19:17,397
Don't lie, Beau.
375
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,055
I spoke to the woman
on the phone myself.
376
00:19:20,138 --> 00:19:22,183
Oh, you spoke to
Marlene, alright.
377
00:19:22,266 --> 00:19:23,746
I had Marlene make the call
378
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,407
but Marlene isn't married,
379
00:19:25,490 --> 00:19:29,272
which of course means
there is no Mr. Palombo either.
380
00:19:29,355 --> 00:19:31,898
But there is a
terrified Juan Epstein
381
00:19:31,898 --> 00:19:35,000
hiding somewhere and
missing all of his classes.
382
00:19:35,083 --> 00:19:37,629
He can thank me for that later.
383
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:41,386
Beau, this may not
mean anything to you
384
00:19:41,469 --> 00:19:44,299
but Juan Epstein has
a learning problem
385
00:19:44,352 --> 00:19:48,254
which means he cannot
afford to miss any classes.
386
00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:52,138
You really care
about these Swinehogs.
387
00:19:52,138 --> 00:19:53,599
Sweathogs.
388
00:19:55,437 --> 00:19:56,961
And yes, I do.
389
00:19:57,044 --> 00:19:58,766
And so does my husband.
390
00:19:58,766 --> 00:20:01,402
He has years of
aggravation invested in them.
391
00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:03,629
Well
392
00:20:04,629 --> 00:20:07,655
I was gonna let Juan sweat
it out the rest of the week
393
00:20:07,738 --> 00:20:09,177
but thanks to you
394
00:20:09,260 --> 00:20:12,080
he'll be back in class
first thing tomorrow.
395
00:20:12,164 --> 00:20:16,135
But you are gonna let him
squirm for the rest of the day.
396
00:20:16,751 --> 00:20:18,211
Yes, ma'am!
397
00:20:19,395 --> 00:20:21,832
See, I can't let these
guys push me around.
398
00:20:21,915 --> 00:20:23,257
But don't you worry now.
399
00:20:23,301 --> 00:20:25,782
There are three things I
never take away from any man
400
00:20:25,865 --> 00:20:30,089
his dignity, his honesty,
or his puberty.
401
00:20:31,854 --> 00:20:34,574
Do you just make
those things up?
402
00:20:36,362 --> 00:20:37,862
Yup.
403
00:20:38,264 --> 00:20:39,724
Don't!
404
00:20:50,448 --> 00:20:54,492
The flying fish have polyps!
405
00:20:56,497 --> 00:20:59,640
The albatross is naked!
406
00:21:03,726 --> 00:21:05,688
Let's move, let's
get out of here.
407
00:21:05,772 --> 00:21:07,513
I don't know what the rush is.
408
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:08,435
I'm always in a rush-a
409
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,103
when there's a contract
out on my face-a.
410
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:11,935
Scusi!
411
00:21:12,018 --> 00:21:13,336
Juan, Juan.
412
00:21:13,419 --> 00:21:16,500
Relax, come here.
413
00:21:17,340 --> 00:21:19,081
Look, Marlene isn't married.
414
00:21:19,165 --> 00:21:22,484
There is no Mr. Palombo.
I made him up.
415
00:21:22,568 --> 00:21:24,109
You mean to tell me
I spent four hours
416
00:21:24,109 --> 00:21:26,571
in a bathroom for nothin'?
417
00:21:27,311 --> 00:21:30,902
Where do I find Juan Epstein?
418
00:21:40,901 --> 00:21:42,401
Hello.
419
00:21:45,045 --> 00:21:48,368
What do you want-a
with this-a Juan Epstein?
420
00:21:51,191 --> 00:21:53,192
To kill him.
421
00:21:54,915 --> 00:21:57,095
He took out my girl last night.
422
00:21:57,178 --> 00:22:00,579
See, Marlene don't know it,
but we're practically engaged.
423
00:22:00,662 --> 00:22:02,762
Now, where's Epstein?
424
00:22:06,498 --> 00:22:08,697
You want to see Epstein?
425
00:22:08,781 --> 00:22:11,979
Okay, big boy,
I'm gonna give you Epstein.
426
00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:15,850
I'm Epstein.
427
00:22:17,787 --> 00:22:19,247
Juan!
428
00:22:24,465 --> 00:22:26,312
Juan, are you alright?
429
00:22:26,395 --> 00:22:29,398
I love a good joke, but
I hated the punch line.
430
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:30,942
Come on.
431
00:22:31,673 --> 00:22:33,376
Come over here, why'd
you tell him you was me?
432
00:22:33,459 --> 00:22:35,787
I coulda handled that guy.
433
00:22:37,879 --> 00:22:42,301
There are three
things I never run from
434
00:22:42,384 --> 00:22:47,330
a good fight, a good offer,
or a bad woman.
435
00:22:49,315 --> 00:22:51,715
Besides, I had it comin'.
436
00:22:53,261 --> 00:22:56,060
Well, let me tell
you somethin', Beau.
437
00:22:56,143 --> 00:22:58,667
There's three other things
you shouldn't run from.
438
00:22:58,750 --> 00:23:00,210
What?
439
00:23:00,893 --> 00:23:02,353
I'm one.
440
00:23:03,117 --> 00:23:04,577
I'm two.
441
00:23:04,930 --> 00:23:06,390
I'm three.
442
00:23:06,731 --> 00:23:08,611
Hey, you guys are alright.
443
00:23:08,694 --> 00:23:10,135
- Yeah.
- That's alright.
444
00:23:10,218 --> 00:23:12,981
[indistinct chatter]
445
00:23:16,083 --> 00:23:19,384
I must admit. You were
pretending to be Juan Epstein
446
00:23:19,467 --> 00:23:20,927
was stupid.
447
00:23:22,430 --> 00:23:25,890
But it was also a very classy
thing to do.
448
00:23:27,473 --> 00:23:28,615
Yeah, that's right.
449
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:31,280
Most people that pretend
to be Juan get deported.
450
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:32,955
[laughing]
451
00:23:34,968 --> 00:23:37,392
Well... I'm glad we all are
though with Marlene Palumbo
452
00:23:37,392 --> 00:23:38,630
and her boyfriend.
453
00:23:38,714 --> 00:23:39,714
You maybe through with her.
454
00:23:39,714 --> 00:23:41,016
But I'm still datin' her.
455
00:23:41,099 --> 00:23:42,559
What for?
456
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,004
Wha... You wanna get killed?
457
00:23:45,087 --> 00:23:47,699
Hey, guy, I ain't
gonna get killed.
458
00:23:47,782 --> 00:23:50,913
Her boyfriend still thinks
that you are me.
459
00:23:50,943 --> 00:23:52,619
You know, what I mean.
460
00:23:52,703 --> 00:23:55,814
I'm the lover.
You are the fighter.
461
00:23:56,984 --> 00:23:59,094
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
462
00:24:02,599 --> 00:24:05,623
[theme music]
463
00:24:09,780 --> 00:24:12,526
♪ Welcome back ♪
464
00:24:12,609 --> 00:24:16,268
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
465
00:24:16,351 --> 00:24:18,619
♪ Welcome back ♪
466
00:24:18,702 --> 00:24:23,405
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
467
00:24:23,488 --> 00:24:25,539
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
468
00:24:25,622 --> 00:24:27,758
♪ Since you hung around ♪
469
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,978
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
470
00:24:30,061 --> 00:24:32,371
♪ And they've turned around ♪
471
00:24:32,454 --> 00:24:34,417
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
472
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,419
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
473
00:24:36,502 --> 00:24:38,421
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
474
00:24:38,504 --> 00:24:40,728
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
475
00:24:40,811 --> 00:24:42,773
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
476
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:44,905
♪ 'Cause we got him
on the spot ♪
477
00:24:44,988 --> 00:24:47,169
♪ Welcome back ♪
478
00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:51,520
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
479
00:24:51,603 --> 00:24:53,567
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
480
00:24:53,650 --> 00:24:56,134
♪ Welcome back ♪
481
00:24:56,217 --> 00:24:59,876
♪ We always could
spot a friend ♪
482
00:24:59,959 --> 00:25:02,270
♪ Welcome back ♪
483
00:25:02,353 --> 00:25:07,058
♪ And I smile when I think
how it must have been ♪
484
00:25:07,141 --> 00:25:11,280
♪ And I know what a scene
you were learnin' in ♪
485
00:25:11,363 --> 00:25:13,369
♪ Was the song... ♪
486
00:25:13,452 --> 00:25:15,501
♪ Come back again ♪
487
00:25:15,584 --> 00:25:18,068
♪ And what good ever lead ya? ♪
488
00:25:18,151 --> 00:25:19,897
♪ What good ever lead ya? ♪
489
00:25:19,980 --> 00:25:22,073
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
490
00:25:22,156 --> 00:25:24,249
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
491
00:25:24,332 --> 00:25:25,860
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
492
00:25:25,943 --> 00:25:28,036
♪ 'Cause we got him
on the spot ♪
493
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,212
♪ Welcome back ♪
494
00:25:30,295 --> 00:25:32,645
♪ Welcome back welcome
back welcome back ♪♪
35675
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