Original subtitles

Mr. Woodman.

How ya doin'?

Oh, good, I see you're your usual cheerful self.

Mr. Woodman, did I ever tell you about my uncle Bartholomew?

No.

Oh, he was one of the wealthiest men in the world.

Bartholomew Kotter.

And, his daughter was getting married

and he decided that he wanted to have a very unusual wedding.

So, he decided, he was gonna have the wedding

in the middle of Kenya.

The deepest, darkest jungle in Africa.

He flew 400 people, rented a 747

flew 400 people over to Africa.

Build the hotel, the Kenya Kotter.

Put his guests up there.

The day of the wedding, everybody got out.

Four hundred people, 400 guys

walked two hours into the jungle

just about to reach the site

where he's about to have the wedding.

The most unusual wedding in history.

And the guide said, "Must stop here."

My uncle said, "What are we waiting for?"

"Two weddings in front of us."

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ W ell the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪

Alright, alright, now what we're gonna do is we're gonna

meet over at Freddie's house at 7:30.

Yeah, that's nice.

Okay, if my mother asks where I'm goin', what do I say?

Well, why don't you just tell her the truth?

Tell her that you're gonna see some go go girls

down at the Torso Trap. Oh, yeah.

And, when she comes out of the coma

tell her you was only kidding.

Now, look, all you gotta do

is tell her you're going to Manhattan

to see a movie that ain't come to Brooklyn, yet.

Oh, uh, "The Sound of Music!"

Not quite. Get a load of this, here.

- What we got here. - Get on.

What we got for you, Arnold Horshack is Lyla Lust.

Peachy Tree.

We got Bubbles Baronski.

We got Kitty Litter.

Those don't sound like movies to me.

'Cause they ain't movies, Arnold, they're dancers.

Didn't you get a load of their names?

- Here, check it out. - Oh yeah, Arnold.

Come on, check it out, Arnold.

Go ahead, Arnold, you can touch it.

This don't bite, come on, touch it.

Okay, now check it out, listen to this.

A bombastic revue of titillating, titanic torsos.

- Ooh. - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's right here, it says

20 exotic dancers with only 19 costumes.

Ooh!

Hey, I don't think I'm old enough to see this.

Well, that's what I thought.

That why I bought these ID's here.

Ah, here you are.

Ah, this is you.

Raul Epstein?

Just think rice, beans, and matzo balls, okay?

Okay, now. You're, uh, Sanchez Epstein.

- Oh, wow, Sanchez Epstein. - Uh-huh.

I-I better check out my Spanish.

Alright, go ahead.

[speaking in foreign language]

Bueno,very, very bueno, Freddie.

Alright, now, you're Sidney Epstein.

Sid, Sid...

How come I always gotta be Sidney?

I hate bein' Sidney.

It sounds like some guy with no hair.

See you tomorrow, guys.

- Yo, Mr. Kot-taire. - Hey, yo, Mr. Kotter.

You, uh, uh, doin' anything tonight?

Tonight, oh, yeah. Hot night, tonight.

Tonight's the night Julie and I go to the launderette.

What do you do tomorrow night?

Go to photomat to see what develops?

Hey, you kidding, it really is exciting at the laundromat.

You know what happens after 10:00?

- What? - They turn down the lights.

And the people touch each others laundry.

Hey, Mr. Kotter, as long as you're goin'

on a cheap date tonight

can I borrow ten dollars?

- Ten dollars, why? - Oh, it's not for me.

It's for Sidney.

♪♪

[howling]

Alright, baby.

Go ahead, baby, speak to me.

Yeah, yeah.

I can hear ya, I can hear ya.

Yeah, ha-ha.

I can hear, but I wouldn't mind

if she talked a little bit louder.

Tell me when it's over.

Yeah, baby.

I'm Vinnie Barbarino.

Ooh.

Thanks, I needed that.

♪♪

Yeah, yeah, alright.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Where ya goin'? - What?

I'm goin' to ask for the next dance.

Come on, sit down, she obviously works alone.

Is it over, yet?

You mean, you ain't seen none of that, yet?

I just came by to listen to the snappy music.

Hey, what's the matter with you, you crazy or somethin'?

Well, what did I miss that was so great?

What'd you miss?

What'd the kid miss?

Let me show you what you missed, dear Arnold.

What you missed was a little of this.

[drumroll]

And a little of this.

And a little of this!

[drumroll]

That's what you missed, Arnold Horshack.

That's what I thought I missed.

Hey, baby, do some more, baby, give me some more!

Hey, what are you guys, weirdos, or what, huh?

[male 1] And now, the Torso Trap takes you way out west.

So, let's hear a big yahoo for Miss Honey Pie.

♪♪

She speaks the language of my people!

You know somethin', uh, I know that girl.

What are ya talkin' about, what are ya talkin' about?

Look at her outfit.

She's obviously from out of town.

No, man, I'm tellin' you, man.

I've seen that, I've seen that chick before.

Vinnie, check out her face, man.

You check out her face.

I'm checkin' out the rest of her.

That's Hotsy Totsy.

Where?

Right there.

Oh, my!

What is Rosalie Totsy doing in an outfit like that?

She's obviously trying to wear it out from the inside.

Oh, no wonder she left Buchanan High School.

To become a cowgirl.

Well, I bet you the student placement program

didn't get her that job.

Hey, Hotsy, yoo-hoo!

Yoo-hoo!

Rosalie!

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

You want her to know we're here?

It's too late.

She already knows.

Well, don't you guys wanna talk to her?

- Hey, Rosalie! - Hey!

We don't want people to think that we know her.

But, we do know her, she used to be a Sweathog!

- Rose-- - Hey!

Will you cut it out with that jive?

Sweathogs, they don't wind up in a joint like this.

We did.

Yeah, but we decent people.

We just came to watch.

Yeah, but Rosalie's over there--

Hey, I'm gonna stop you from lowerin' yourself.

- Come on, come on. - Wait a minute.

I didn't finish my milk!

Rosalie!

Rosalie!

I have never been so embarrassed in my life.

What happened, honey?

Did you ever have anybody show up in the audience

that you didn't expect to see?

Yeah, my first husband.

- What'd you do? - I sent him a drink.

Oh, that won't work.

These guys are in high school.

So send 'em a snow cone.

Look, when I went to school with these guys

they used to get their kicks by tellin' people

that I was fast and easy.

I wish I had friends like that.

But, Olga, it wasn't true.

Now, they see me workin' at a dump like this

putting on a show for guys who wear raincoats in nice weather!

You never can tell about the man behind the raincoat.

One guy told me he was a banker.

He said he wanted to put my picture on his scenic checks.

Arnold.

Rosalie.

Ah...

I just came back to apologize to you

for the way that the guys acted before.

So, uh... I'm sorry, Rosalie.

Thanks for listening to me.

Arnold, wait, wait. Come here.

Come up here and sit with me.

Hey, Rosalie, you was really terrific tonight, really.

The-the-the music.

The-the costume.

The dancing.

The costume.

Hey, that's one terrific costume, Rosalie.

Arnold, you're embarrassed.

Well, I just didn't want you to think

that I always come to places like this.

Arnold, you were worried about what I thought about you?

I was worried what you guys thought of me.

Oh, listen, what do you those guys know

about interpretive dancing?

Especially western-style.

Oh, Arnold, it's so good to see you, again.

Listen, do you still go "Ooh-ooh?"

Ah, come on.

That's kids stuff.

So...

Rosalie Totsy in show business?

Hey, how did it happen, when was your big break?

Well, listen, if I tell you

will you help me explain to the guys?

Well, can't you explain it to them, yourself?

Well, it'll be easy to explain how I became a dancer.

The hard part is gonna be explainin'

how I became a mother.

Oh.

Rosalie.

You're a little mother.

Well, that's it. That's the last time for the Torso Trap.

I don't mind draggin' Arnold Horshack

but the check came to 30 bucks.

Yeah, it was a good thing that guy at the next table

picked up our check.

Yeah, and it was a good thing I put it on his table.

Come on, Rosalie, it's gonna be okay.

The guys are very understanding.

Listen, you guys.

Rosalie wants to talk to you.

Oh, is that Rosalie Totsy?

Yes, yes, it is, yes.

I didn't recognize her with so many clothes on.

Hey, um, what you doin' here, Hotsy Totsy baby?

Came here to come do your act in the cafeteria, huh?

Yeah, yeah, well, I hope all the flies are over 18.

Look, if you guys are finished

I got something I'd like to explain.

Well, don't you need music for that, baby?

Will you guys at least give her a chance?

Alright, then why don't you tell us in body language?

[scatting]

What do you guys know about makin' a livin'?

Yeah, Rosalie has a very good reason

for taking that sleazy job.

I'm sorry.

Look, Rosalie, there ain't no good reason

for a Sweathog to take a job like that.

Yeah, or any other kind of job, for that matter.

Oh, yeah? Well, what about a six-month-old baby?

Oh, come on, why would a six-month-old baby

want a job like that?

You dummy.

I'm a mother, I've got the baby!

Now, are you guys ready to listen?

When Rosalie, here, quit school two years ago

she thought that life was gonna be one big adventure.

All that she cared about were cheap thrills.

Rosalie, maybe you better tell the story.

Slide over guys, move over.

Well, the next thing I know, I was married to Harry

and living above his all night muffler shop.

Well, you know, I thought he was a nice guy.

Till the night he left. I didn't even hear him.

The creep, he must've got a new muffler.

So, then, Rosalie had to come home and find a job.

Yeah, and do you know how many good jobs there are

for 17 year-old dropouts, like me?

I had to take a job as a waitress in a pancake house.

Did you ever try scraping a tip

off of a table soaked in blueberry syrup?

Aw, that ain't nothin' man, I know this chick, man

that works at one of them pie places.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah, the House Du Crust.

Last, last week, man, she came down with Dutch apple disease.

She was rotten to the core.

I don't know why I bothered coming here.

You guys will never grow up.

♪ We'll never grow up ♪

♪ Never grow up ♪

♪ Never grow up ♪

♪ Not us ♪♪

Rosalie, wait a minute.

Rosalie?

Rosalie Totsy.

Hi, how are ya?

Well, what are you doin' here?

Wasting my time.

Rosalie, will you come on?

Who's that girl, Kotter? I've seen her somewhere.

She used to go to school here, don't you remember her?

Alright, guys, come on, what happened?

- It's Horshack's fault. - It is not.

Alright, come on, then it's all of our fault.

Hey, look, Mr. Kot-taire, we was jokin' around with Rosalie

for workin' in the Torso Trap.

Oh, that's where I saw her.

Mr. Woodman, you go to places like the Torso Trap?

I go there for the food.

Mr. Kotter, it's not Rosalie's fault that she took that job.

- Babies are expensive. - Babies?

Yeah, she had to find a job

where she could make the most money.

Oh, come on, Horshack.

Kotter here's got two babies

you don't see him dancin' on no bar.

Well, of course not.

Who's gonna pay five dollars to

watch an ox in fishnet stockings?

[laughing]

You get that, Kotter? An ox in fishnet stockings?

[laughing]

Little Rosalie Totsy has a baby.

Alright, guys, why don't you tell me what happened?

[indistinct chatter]

[knock on door]

- Hi. - Hi.

Come on in.

Uh, I'm looking for Rosalie Totsy.

Well, I'm looking for Burt Reynolds.

But sometimes we have to be satisfied with what's available.

Uh, I'm an old friend of hers.

Well, uh, don't you ever wanna make new friends?

No, you don't understand. I'm her old high school teacher.

Oh, yeah?

I was always good in school.

In fact, teachers was my best subject.

- I'm married. - So am I.

It's just a phase.

Mr. Kotter.

Ah, Rosalie.

Ah, well, I better go.

If I don't get out there on time

the drummer does my act.

[drumroll]

She always that shy?

Oh, no, Olga warms up when she gets to know you.

Come on, have a seat, Mr. Kotter.

So, uh, Rosalie.

The guys tell me that, uh, you have a baby.

Is it a boy or a drummer?

Um, is it a boy or a girl?

Look, Mr. Kotter, I know exactly what you're gonna say.

I can even do it for you.

Rosalie.

I didn't come here to tell you if you were right or wrong.

I came here just to see if you're happy.

I have a way with words, don't I?

And then, you'd go into a corny story

about your aunt, who was a stripper.

Did she work in a club, Mr. Kotter?

No, she worked on a street.

She was a car stripper. Badabum.

Look, if I ever become famous

you can make a living impersonating me.

Look, Mr. Kotter, I don't like what I'm doing here

but I have a baby to support.

And this place pays $200 a week.

Rosalie, that's not the...

Really?

And, that's for three shows a night, nothing else.

You think I could fit into this outfit?

Rosalie, give yourself a chance.

If you went back to school

you can make $200 a week or more

doing something that you're proud of.

Well, I'd love to go back to school

but I have to worry about right now.

Look, Rosalie, come over to my house

tomorrow at about 3:30. We'll talk some more.

And Julie would love to say hello to you.

I don't know.

What was that?

- What? - Silence.

I think, uh, peace has been declared.

Either that, or we're being raided.

Okay, 3:30 tomorrow.

Great, I'll see you at 3:30 tomorrow.

I wanna get out of here before, uh, Olga comes back.

See you tomorrow.

But, come on, Uncle Morris, you got a huge store

you must need somebody. I mean, beside customers.

Alright, Morris. Okay, thanks, anyway.

Bye.

Nothin' for Rosalie, huh?

Nope, not unless the double-knits start moving.

What about your family?

Gabe, my family is in Nebraska.

Somehow, I just can't see Rosalie on a cattle drive.

Well, what are we gonna do, Julie?

I mean, we can't let her spend

the next ten years of her life

bouncing off rim shots at the Torso Trap.

Well, what's wrong with that? I'd probably do the same thing.

You would?

Sure, honey, I would.

You know, if-if I wasn't lucky

and married to an underpaid teacher

I would do anything that I could

to put food on the table for my kids.

- Julie, you're not helping me. - Yes, she is.

Mrs. Kotter knows exactly what it's like for me.

[knock on door]

I'll get it.

You would?

- Hey, Mr. Kotter. - Hey, Mr. Kotter.

Hey, look, Rosalie, we've been thinkin' about it.

Yeah, baby, okay, now, look.

We tried to dislocate you into a new gig

but, um, we're havin' a real tough time.

Since when do you guys care?

Come on, come on, we care, we care.

We just haven't been able to find much.

But, uh, have you ever done any underwater welding?

Are you kidding? Of course not.

Yeah, well, um, how about meter maidin' a pay toilet?

- No. - Well, I'll tell ya somethin'.

I could've gotten ya the best job in the world

but you can't do it.

Why not?

'Cause mothers can't be nuns.

Look, Rosalie, what's goin' on here, I think

is that they're tryin' to say they're sorry

in, uh, Sweathog-ese.

Well, I'll talk in English.

I accept your apology.

Hi, everybody, is Rosalie here?

Rosalie!

Rosalie.

I found a job.

What'd you get for me?

Oh, it's not a job for you, Rosalie.

It's a job for me.

I wanna support you and your baby.

Oh, Arnold.

[knock on door]

I'll get it.

- Mr. Woodman. - Hello, Kotter.

Oh, uh, Rosalie

I understand these feebs have been trying

to get you a new job, forget it.

Thanks to me, you are now employed.

What did you do, uh, get her a job

as a wine steward on skid row?

Yeah, why don't you give her your job, Mr. Woodman?

It ain't nobody doin' it.

Alright, guys, come on, that's enough of that.

What kind of job did you get her?

Terrific job, Kotter. Starts first thing Monday morning.

She's gonna be a receptionist at Brooklyn college.

I'm talkin' second floor, $135 a week.

Well, what about my dancing?

Well, you can be a dancing receptionist.

And while you're working there

you can get courses, tuition, free.

Well...

Come on, Rosalie, it's a start.

Rosalie, you gotta start somewhere.

Okay, I suppose so.

Alright, alright.

But, wait, what do I tell 'em at the Torso Trap?

Ah, don't worry about a thing.

I got the perfect act to replace 'em.

Alright, boys, show us your legs here.

One, two, three, four.

[scatting]

Rosalie, listen, take care

and good luck with your job as a receptionist.

Aw, yeah, thank you and Mrs. Kotter for helpin' me out.

- Ah, Rosalie. - Mm.

Did I ever tell you I had an aunt who was a receptionist?

No.

Well, she was receptionist in a hospital.

And one day she gets a phone call

and she picks up the phone, and a guy says

"How's Mr. Murphy?"

She said, "Mr. Murphy?"

"Hey, yeah, Mr. Murphy, 319. How's Mr. Murphy?"

She looks up, she says, "Well, Mr. Murphy's condition

"is steadily improving.

Who's this? Are you a relative?"

He said, "No, this is Murphy.

They won't tell me anything up here."

- Thank you, Mr. Kotter. - Rosalie.

You know, you were kiddin' around in the dressin' room

when you said, "I bet you had a joke

about your aunt who was a stripper."

I really did have an aunt who was a stripper.

I hope she's funnier than the receptionist.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. She had a, she had a really funny act.

You see, she-she would do an act with these birds

these big, uh, swallows.

Oh. What happened?

Well, uh, she could only work for six months a year

because every spring her act would go back to Capistrano.

Don't you get it, Rosalie?

The swallows go back to Capistrano.

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead you ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead you ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ We always could spot a friend ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ And I smile when I think how you must've been ♪

♪ And I know what a scene you were learnin' in ♪

♪ Was there something that made you come back again ♪♪