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1
00:00:01,383 --> 00:00:04,304
Honey, did I ever tell you about
my uncle Milton the Medium?
2
00:00:04,386 --> 00:00:05,894
Medium rare?
3
00:00:07,893 --> 00:00:08,693
So funny--
4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,658
No, he was a famous
spiritualist.
5
00:00:11,741 --> 00:00:13,203
Every Friday night
he would have a seance.
6
00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:16,666
They would join hands and try
to contact the spirit world.
7
00:00:16,686 --> 00:00:18,308
Did he have any luck?
8
00:00:18,308 --> 00:00:19,727
Well, one night,
they're all joining hands
9
00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:21,933
and they were trying to contact
the spirit world.
10
00:00:21,953 --> 00:00:24,854
And Milton said,
"I feel a spirit in the room.
11
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,897
Come forth, spirit."
12
00:00:26,980 --> 00:00:29,961
The spirit says,
"Okay, I'm here.
13
00:00:31,546 --> 00:00:33,990
My name is Max."
14
00:00:34,073 --> 00:00:37,424
And Milton said,
"In life, Max, what did you do?"
15
00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:40,316
And the spirit said,
"I was a waiter."
16
00:00:40,399 --> 00:00:43,271
And Milton said,
"Come closer, Max."
17
00:00:43,354 --> 00:00:46,837
And Max said, "I can't,
it's not my table."
18
00:00:51,906 --> 00:00:55,322
[theme song]
19
00:00:59,697 --> 00:01:02,269
♪ Welcome back ♪
20
00:01:02,352 --> 00:01:06,099
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
21
00:01:06,182 --> 00:01:08,362
♪ Welcome back ♪
22
00:01:08,445 --> 00:01:12,931
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
23
00:01:13,014 --> 00:01:17,545
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
24
00:01:17,628 --> 00:01:22,027
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
25
00:01:22,110 --> 00:01:24,625
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
26
00:01:24,708 --> 00:01:26,278
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
27
00:01:26,361 --> 00:01:28,455
♪ Back here where
we need ya ♪
28
00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:30,413
♪ Back here where
we need ya ♪
29
00:01:30,496 --> 00:01:34,809
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
30
00:01:34,892 --> 00:01:37,028
♪ Welcome back ♪
31
00:01:37,111 --> 00:01:42,682
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪♪
32
00:01:45,119 --> 00:01:47,882
[theme music]
33
00:02:00,645 --> 00:02:03,858
Now... the eruption
of Mount Vesuvius
34
00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:06,961
was one of the great natural
disasters of all time.
35
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,372
Who can name another
natural disaster?
36
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:10,729
Juan.
37
00:02:10,812 --> 00:02:12,272
Arnold?
38
00:02:12,977 --> 00:02:15,760
No, I want youto name
a natural disaster.
39
00:02:15,843 --> 00:02:17,927
I did. Arnold.
40
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:21,383
[laughing]
41
00:02:24,961 --> 00:02:27,877
- Yeah, yeah.
- I'm a natural disaster, huh?
42
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,461
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
43
00:02:29,544 --> 00:02:32,451
This from a man whose socks
burst into tears
44
00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:35,253
every time they pass
a laundry mat.
45
00:02:36,805 --> 00:02:40,188
Hey, hey, guy,
my socks don't cry.
46
00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:41,971
They're men.
47
00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:46,537
Now, who else wants to say
somethin' about my socks?
48
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,299
Sit down, sit down.
49
00:02:48,382 --> 00:02:50,993
Alright, we're talkin'
about natural disasters.
50
00:02:51,044 --> 00:02:52,523
Now, I'd like someone
to give me...
51
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,588
You mean, earthquakes
for example.
52
00:02:54,588 --> 00:02:56,688
Quiet, Vinnie.
What's your...
53
00:02:58,392 --> 00:03:00,197
Very good, Vinnie.
54
00:03:03,877 --> 00:03:05,376
I didn't know that you knew
about earthquakes.
55
00:03:05,459 --> 00:03:07,960
I know a whole lotabout 'em.
56
00:03:09,401 --> 00:03:11,904
Well, good, tell us something.
57
00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:13,606
What?
58
00:03:15,713 --> 00:03:16,813
What do you know
about earthquakes?
59
00:03:16,895 --> 00:03:18,856
Which ones do you know about?
60
00:03:18,939 --> 00:03:20,960
The third one.
61
00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:25,063
Did anyone do their
homework last night?
62
00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:27,069
I did my homework, Mr. Kotter.
63
00:03:27,151 --> 00:03:29,534
Yeah, what'd you study?
64
00:03:29,596 --> 00:03:32,011
Eye shadow through the ages?
65
00:03:32,858 --> 00:03:33,760
Beauty is a gift.
66
00:03:33,843 --> 00:03:35,903
It requires maintenance.
67
00:03:35,986 --> 00:03:38,047
Hey, I know about...
I know where you're comin' from.
68
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,912
Epstein's got a gardener
that comes in twice a week
69
00:03:39,912 --> 00:03:41,403
to weed out his hair.
70
00:03:41,403 --> 00:03:43,623
[laughing]
71
00:03:44,544 --> 00:03:45,544
A gardener won't do it.
72
00:03:45,627 --> 00:03:48,092
What he needs is
an exterminator.
73
00:03:48,175 --> 00:03:49,635
Douh, douh.
74
00:03:51,075 --> 00:03:53,955
That's enough douhing.
75
00:03:55,316 --> 00:03:56,898
Laura, what did you do
your homework on?
76
00:03:56,981 --> 00:03:58,441
Herself.
77
00:03:59,221 --> 00:04:02,625
It's her favorite subject.
78
00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:05,493
Actually, Mr. Kotter, I studied
all about natural disasters.
79
00:04:05,576 --> 00:04:06,918
You know, how to
survive in them
80
00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:09,053
what kind of foods to eat,
things we never thought
81
00:04:09,136 --> 00:04:10,216
were edible before.
82
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:12,864
Like what, mascara?
83
00:04:12,864 --> 00:04:14,359
[laughter]
84
00:04:14,442 --> 00:04:16,602
No, like tree barks
and wild roots.
85
00:04:16,602 --> 00:04:18,062
Oh! Ooh!
86
00:04:19,428 --> 00:04:22,647
Hey, Freddie, did you have
your wild roots today?
87
00:04:22,731 --> 00:04:24,193
I don't use wild roots no more.
88
00:04:24,276 --> 00:04:26,082
I use Afro Sheen.
89
00:04:28,258 --> 00:04:29,799
Alright, alright, alright.
90
00:04:29,883 --> 00:04:31,162
Come on, let's not
make fun of Laura
91
00:04:31,245 --> 00:04:32,812
just 'cause she did
her homework.
92
00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:35,730
Alright, let's make fun
of her for something else.
93
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,972
Okay, how 'bout her nose?
94
00:04:39,056 --> 00:04:40,818
It's too small.
95
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,540
Arnold, give her some nose.
96
00:04:44,179 --> 00:04:45,969
[bell ringing]
97
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,933
Alright, alright,
now everybody
98
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:50,471
I want your homework tomorrow.
99
00:04:50,554 --> 00:04:52,275
- Yes, sir!
- Yes, sir!
100
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,843
You got it, right after we
finish going to Coney Island.
101
00:04:54,863 --> 00:04:55,880
Coney Island can wait.
102
00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:58,147
Oh, no, oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
103
00:04:58,187 --> 00:04:58,987
Not this time.
104
00:04:58,987 --> 00:05:00,857
This time, they got
a new attraction.
105
00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:02,873
Half man, half woman.
106
00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:05,657
Yeah, the sign outside
that says, uh
107
00:05:05,657 --> 00:05:09,116
"He can't keep his
hand of herself."
108
00:05:11,165 --> 00:05:13,552
Laura, can I see you a minute?
109
00:05:13,553 --> 00:05:15,013
- Sure.
- Uh...
110
00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:18,467
That's a very interesting topic
you picked about
111
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:19,749
natural disasters, you know,
how to survive.
112
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,247
Thank you.
113
00:05:21,330 --> 00:05:22,790
Uh...
114
00:05:24,335 --> 00:05:27,914
But, I'd like to
talk to you about
115
00:05:27,998 --> 00:05:30,060
putting make up on in class.
116
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,182
It's distracting the rest
of the students.
117
00:05:32,202 --> 00:05:35,162
Gee, thanks, Mr. Kotter.
118
00:05:35,245 --> 00:05:38,982
Next time you come to school,
leave the Avon lady at home.
119
00:05:39,065 --> 00:05:41,969
Okay, you see I,
I only meant to...
120
00:05:42,052 --> 00:05:44,452
Are you okay?
121
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,508
Yeah, I... Yeah, I'm fine.
122
00:05:46,592 --> 00:05:48,896
You don't look fine,
you look-you look kinda pale.
123
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,960
Well, I'm having trouble...
124
00:05:50,980 --> 00:05:53,024
Laura, Laura!
125
00:05:53,906 --> 00:05:59,041
Laura, Laura,
Laura, Laura, are you okay?
126
00:06:01,643 --> 00:06:03,103
Laura!
127
00:06:13,885 --> 00:06:15,912
Kotter, what are you doing?
128
00:06:15,995 --> 00:06:17,975
Leave that child alone!
129
00:06:19,108 --> 00:06:20,137
You okay?
130
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:21,797
What happened?
131
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,005
Why are you kissing me?
132
00:06:24,089 --> 00:06:25,743
I've learned to live
with my loneliness.
133
00:06:25,826 --> 00:06:27,414
Why can't you?
134
00:06:28,386 --> 00:06:30,128
Come on, Laura, try to get up.
135
00:06:30,211 --> 00:06:32,333
Try to get up.
136
00:06:32,353 --> 00:06:33,995
Mr. Woodman, Laura fainted.
137
00:06:34,015 --> 00:06:35,015
Well, of course she fainted.
138
00:06:35,015 --> 00:06:38,474
Who wouldn't with a 200 pound
ox on top of her?
139
00:06:38,557 --> 00:06:39,657
You won't get away with this.
140
00:06:39,741 --> 00:06:41,420
Mr. Woodman,
you got it all wrong.
141
00:06:41,503 --> 00:06:43,244
She-she couldn't breathe.
I was tryin' to help her.
142
00:06:43,265 --> 00:06:44,411
What happened?
143
00:06:44,494 --> 00:06:46,357
- What happened, Laura--
- What happened?
144
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,440
I'll tell you what happened.
145
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:50,030
Teacher goes berserk,
film at 11.
146
00:06:52,428 --> 00:06:54,589
Mr. Woodman, that's not true.
147
00:06:54,672 --> 00:06:56,412
Is it, Laura?
148
00:06:56,495 --> 00:07:00,478
Well, I, I don't know, I,
I only remember that Mr. Kotter
149
00:07:00,561 --> 00:07:02,160
asked me to stay alone
after class--
150
00:07:02,243 --> 00:07:04,165
Okay, okay, that's enough.
151
00:07:04,248 --> 00:07:08,114
Alright, Kotter,
I've got you now.
152
00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:10,114
I'm gonna make two
phone calls
153
00:07:10,114 --> 00:07:12,996
the school board
and The National Enquirer.
154
00:07:14,575 --> 00:07:17,178
I know the untold story.
155
00:07:17,261 --> 00:07:18,764
- Laura, come on--
- Back, Kotter, back!
156
00:07:18,804 --> 00:07:20,062
Haven't you had enough?
157
00:07:20,145 --> 00:07:22,016
- Laura, tell him what--
- Stay away, Kotter!
158
00:07:22,028 --> 00:07:24,397
I have a whistle
in my pocket.
159
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:32,399
Honey, nobody at Buchanan
takes Woodman seriously.
160
00:07:32,482 --> 00:07:35,627
It's why they made him
Vice Principal.
161
00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:36,885
You're right, it's just
that the whole thing
162
00:07:36,968 --> 00:07:39,068
is so ridiculous.
163
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,212
Best thing to do is just
put it out of my head.
164
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,295
Right.
165
00:07:42,315 --> 00:07:46,993
Not that it matters, honey,
but, how pretty is this girl?
166
00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:50,533
She's very pretty, why?
167
00:07:50,616 --> 00:07:54,117
It's really funny that
the homely girls
168
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,621
never seem to faint.
169
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:01,117
They do, but nobody pays
any attention.
170
00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:05,386
Why am I doing jokes?
171
00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:06,790
Julie, I just don't know
what happened.
172
00:08:06,873 --> 00:08:07,873
One minute she was fine.
173
00:08:07,873 --> 00:08:09,527
She was putting on make up
in the middle of the class
174
00:08:09,528 --> 00:08:12,316
and the next minute she falls
down in front of me, why?
175
00:08:12,399 --> 00:08:14,941
Maybe her make up
was too heavy.
176
00:08:20,578 --> 00:08:24,117
Look, I'm sure by now Laura's
told Woodman everything.
177
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,121
You think so?
178
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,961
Sure, the whole thing's
ridiculous.
179
00:08:27,045 --> 00:08:29,006
You're right, the whole
thing's ridiculous.
180
00:08:29,089 --> 00:08:32,064
I mean, a paramedic gets
paid for what I did.
181
00:08:32,147 --> 00:08:33,671
They'll probably give me
a metal.
182
00:08:33,754 --> 00:08:37,082
Right, either that or
they'll bronze your lips.
183
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:40,940
Honey, why don't you go say
goodnight to the girls?
184
00:08:41,023 --> 00:08:42,142
Yeah, okay.
185
00:08:42,225 --> 00:08:44,386
Just don't kiss them.
186
00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:49,652
They have colds, remember?
187
00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:52,640
[knocking]
188
00:09:01,602 --> 00:09:03,408
We heard what happened.
189
00:09:03,905 --> 00:09:06,102
Not a pretty picture.
190
00:09:07,972 --> 00:09:10,875
Everything going okay
between you and the old man?
191
00:09:12,102 --> 00:09:13,562
Yeah.
192
00:09:15,684 --> 00:09:18,506
We just want Mr. Kotter to know
that we believe
193
00:09:18,589 --> 00:09:21,290
he would never do
anything bad.
194
00:09:21,373 --> 00:09:24,224
But then we're just
innocent children...
195
00:09:26,461 --> 00:09:29,083
...like Laura used to be.
196
00:09:30,114 --> 00:09:32,233
How could he do this to me?
197
00:09:32,316 --> 00:09:34,557
I didn't even date her yet.
198
00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:39,561
Look, guys, this is not funny!
199
00:09:39,644 --> 00:09:43,887
You are talking about
the molester I love.
200
00:09:44,149 --> 00:09:46,249
[sniggers] Now, that's funny.
201
00:09:46,529 --> 00:09:49,552
We just want Mr. Kotter to know
that we gonna stand behind him.
202
00:09:49,635 --> 00:09:55,008
Because we know that he would
never do so dastardly a deed.
203
00:09:55,942 --> 00:09:57,060
Hi, guys.
204
00:09:57,143 --> 00:09:59,604
[all] Shame on you!
205
00:10:01,538 --> 00:10:03,318
Guys, quit it.
206
00:10:03,401 --> 00:10:05,745
Now, believe it or not,
Gabe is very upset
207
00:10:05,745 --> 00:10:07,706
by this ridiculous accusation.
208
00:10:07,789 --> 00:10:08,868
He's upset?
209
00:10:08,951 --> 00:10:10,974
Baby's havin' a tantrum.
210
00:10:11,593 --> 00:10:12,394
Who's Baby?
211
00:10:12,477 --> 00:10:14,218
Well, that's Laura's
younger brother.
212
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:17,464
Yeah, we come by to tell you
that he's on his way over here.
213
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:18,486
Hey, don't worry about it.
214
00:10:18,486 --> 00:10:20,068
I mean, I'll buy him
an ice cream cone.
215
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:21,642
I'm very good with kids.
216
00:10:21,643 --> 00:10:23,256
[knocking]
217
00:10:29,474 --> 00:10:32,456
Julie, did you send out
for a long showmen?
218
00:10:35,182 --> 00:10:36,642
That's Baby.
219
00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:37,786
Good luck.
220
00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:39,884
[laughing]
221
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:43,212
Hey, w-where are you guys goin'?
222
00:10:43,295 --> 00:10:44,495
[Freddie] Goin' to the pool room, baby.
223
00:10:44,496 --> 00:10:45,596
Movies, gotta go to
the movies.
224
00:10:45,596 --> 00:10:47,056
Library.
225
00:10:47,220 --> 00:10:49,420
Hey, Baby, how are you?
226
00:10:49,503 --> 00:10:51,546
Look, if you wanna change your
diaper, don't worry about it
227
00:10:51,546 --> 00:10:54,308
'cause they got,
they got twins here.
228
00:10:57,305 --> 00:11:00,286
Oh, so your Laura's brother,
Baby.
229
00:11:02,392 --> 00:11:04,492
Um... come in.
230
00:11:07,018 --> 00:11:11,822
Gee, don't you, uh, don't you
have any winter clothes?
231
00:11:13,025 --> 00:11:15,223
These are my winter clothes.
232
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,304
What do you wear
in the summer time?
233
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:19,847
Sunglasses.
234
00:11:24,529 --> 00:11:28,754
Well, Baby, can I offer
you something?
235
00:11:28,837 --> 00:11:30,297
A tire?
236
00:11:31,761 --> 00:11:34,884
Would you like a new
set of luggage to jump on?
237
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:37,626
I'd like to jump
on your face.
238
00:11:37,708 --> 00:11:39,692
Oh, come on, you're much too
intelligent for that.
239
00:11:39,775 --> 00:11:41,056
Let's-let's talk about it.
240
00:11:41,139 --> 00:11:42,139
Yeah.
241
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,965
I let my arms
do all the talking.
242
00:11:45,384 --> 00:11:46,844
Here.
243
00:11:47,386 --> 00:11:49,017
"Born to kill?"
244
00:11:50,289 --> 00:11:52,175
Oh, here's a great one.
245
00:11:52,258 --> 00:11:54,194
"Honk if you like bleeding."
246
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:57,922
And it's really-it's really
a nice touch
247
00:11:58,005 --> 00:12:00,834
how his freckles dot the I's.
248
00:12:00,868 --> 00:12:03,010
Hey, look, what'd you do
to my baby sister, huh?
249
00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:04,232
I didn't do anything
to your sister.
250
00:12:04,232 --> 00:12:05,393
Didn't she tell you
what happened?
251
00:12:05,393 --> 00:12:06,672
Well, she's not home yet.
252
00:12:06,755 --> 00:12:07,990
What?
253
00:12:08,073 --> 00:12:09,475
You mean you didn't talk to her?
254
00:12:09,558 --> 00:12:11,217
Well, didn't it occur
to you to talk to her
255
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,583
before you go around
threatening people?
256
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:16,184
No.
257
00:12:18,007 --> 00:12:20,399
Well, it should have.
258
00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:21,944
That's right, it should have.
259
00:12:21,964 --> 00:12:24,064
Well, it didn't.
260
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:28,428
Listen, you Missing Link,
I've had enough of this.
261
00:12:28,511 --> 00:12:29,713
You are not a guest.
262
00:12:29,713 --> 00:12:30,887
You are not a friend.
263
00:12:30,953 --> 00:12:33,134
You are not even a person.
264
00:12:33,217 --> 00:12:35,064
Get out!
265
00:12:35,399 --> 00:12:36,778
Out, now!
266
00:12:36,861 --> 00:12:38,963
Does this mean I gotta leave?
267
00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:42,185
It certainly does mean
you have to leave
268
00:12:42,268 --> 00:12:44,662
before I make a rug
out of you.
269
00:12:44,713 --> 00:12:45,758
Out!
270
00:12:45,841 --> 00:12:47,301
Out!
271
00:12:48,674 --> 00:12:51,046
Alright, Julie,
I'll take it from here.
272
00:12:56,225 --> 00:13:00,100
Oh, honey, I just love it
when I see that streak
273
00:13:00,111 --> 00:13:02,804
of meekness in your eyes.
274
00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:04,034
[banging]
275
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,577
Meekness?
276
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,080
I'll show you meekness.
277
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,831
Alright, listen to me,
you grunt.
278
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:13,586
You keep your hairy meat hooks
off my door.
279
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,107
You know what you are,
you're nothin' but a parasite
280
00:13:16,190 --> 00:13:19,434
living off the emotions
of decent people.
281
00:13:23,592 --> 00:13:26,228
Kotter, how did you know
it was me?
282
00:13:29,410 --> 00:13:33,370
Hi, Mr. Woodman, just
drop by to heckle the molester?
283
00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:36,065
No, actually I have
some good news.
284
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,932
Oh, yeah, what happened, did you
get Laura to press charges?
285
00:13:38,933 --> 00:13:40,724
No, as a matter of fact,
she refuses to lodge
286
00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:41,668
a criminal complaint.
287
00:13:41,728 --> 00:13:43,686
What'd I tell ya, honey?
288
00:13:43,769 --> 00:13:45,591
I also have some bad news.
289
00:13:45,674 --> 00:13:48,058
I'm afraid Lazarus got wind
of what happened.
290
00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:50,895
I wonder who blew
that wind by him?
291
00:13:50,977 --> 00:13:53,339
Come on, Kotter, I know I
threatened you this afternoon
292
00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:56,785
but everyone knows I thrive
on threatening people.
293
00:13:56,785 --> 00:13:59,508
You're a charming man,
Mr. Woodman.
294
00:13:59,591 --> 00:14:02,269
Thank you, Julie,
but it won't help him.
295
00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:05,516
Lazarus is bringing you before
the board tomorrow morning.
296
00:14:05,599 --> 00:14:08,503
He got the girl to make
a sworn statement.
297
00:14:08,523 --> 00:14:10,358
What could she swear to?
298
00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:16,208
"Mr. Kotter asked me
to stay after class.
299
00:14:16,291 --> 00:14:20,055
"The last thing I remember was
he put his arms around me.
300
00:14:20,138 --> 00:14:24,901
When I woke up, he was bending
over, trying to kiss me."
301
00:14:25,524 --> 00:14:26,981
Oh, boy.
302
00:14:27,486 --> 00:14:29,857
Well, it's not all bad, Kotter.
303
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,520
You may teach again, somewhere.
304
00:14:35,254 --> 00:14:37,794
Maybe at one of those
little one room schools
305
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,335
along the Alaskan pipeline.
306
00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:42,791
I understand they're not
too fussy.
307
00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:44,948
[laughing]
308
00:14:56,482 --> 00:14:57,601
Hey, Judy.
309
00:14:57,684 --> 00:14:59,464
Don't touch me,
stay away from me!
310
00:14:59,547 --> 00:15:02,223
You just keep your mouth
to yourself!
311
00:15:03,553 --> 00:15:05,052
I see you heard the news.
312
00:15:05,135 --> 00:15:06,858
Heard about it?
313
00:15:06,878 --> 00:15:07,857
I know.
314
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:10,464
I've been there
many times myself
315
00:15:10,484 --> 00:15:14,161
a poor, defenseless
sex object like me.
316
00:15:17,872 --> 00:15:19,475
Everybody knows you're
a sex object, Judy.
317
00:15:19,558 --> 00:15:22,662
We just can't figure out to who.
318
00:15:23,962 --> 00:15:25,401
Are you kidding?
319
00:15:25,484 --> 00:15:29,727
Inside this gorgeous body
lives a person.
320
00:15:32,777 --> 00:15:33,956
Yeah when we find her,
we're gonna tell her
321
00:15:34,039 --> 00:15:35,940
she picked a bad location.
322
00:15:39,008 --> 00:15:41,851
I'm sorry, Judy,
I'm just a little tense.
323
00:15:41,851 --> 00:15:43,311
[Judy] Yeah.
324
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:48,023
Okay, Kotter, Mr. Jan
of the school board
325
00:15:48,023 --> 00:15:49,999
is ready to see you now.
326
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:51,209
Has Laura finished yet?
327
00:15:51,292 --> 00:15:52,363
Laura?
328
00:15:52,446 --> 00:15:54,316
Laura, hasn't she told them
what happened?
329
00:15:54,398 --> 00:15:56,141
No, Lazarus read her statement
to the board.
330
00:15:56,211 --> 00:15:58,232
He feels that's enough.
331
00:15:58,315 --> 00:15:59,473
That's enough?
332
00:15:59,556 --> 00:16:01,096
That's enough, yeah, that's
enough to get me thrown
333
00:16:01,179 --> 00:16:02,899
out of school.
334
00:16:02,982 --> 00:16:04,363
Mr. Woodman,
I'm being railroaded.
335
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:05,506
Toot-toot.
336
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:08,960
[laughing]
337
00:16:09,432 --> 00:16:11,455
Cork it, Judith.
338
00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:15,335
There's nothing to worry
about, Kotter.
339
00:16:15,418 --> 00:16:17,321
I told him the truth,
exactly what happened.
340
00:16:17,404 --> 00:16:19,452
Believe me, he understands.
341
00:16:19,535 --> 00:16:20,677
Oh, thank you, Mr. Woodman.
342
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,082
You don't know how much
I appreciate that.
343
00:16:22,102 --> 00:16:23,701
You saved my life.
344
00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:26,024
Think nothing of it, Kotter.
345
00:16:26,107 --> 00:16:30,091
[Jan] Mr. Kotter, naughty,
naughty, naughty.
346
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,135
Here she is.
347
00:16:46,218 --> 00:16:50,872
Darling, we've been looking all
over the beauty shop for you.
348
00:16:50,955 --> 00:16:53,436
Oh, Mr. Juan.
349
00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:57,599
Mr. Juan?
350
00:16:58,619 --> 00:17:01,963
I think Ms. Laura is ready
for her comb out now...
351
00:17:02,046 --> 00:17:06,411
Yes, well, Mr. H, I think
what we should do is...
352
00:17:07,953 --> 00:17:09,812
...perhaps we should have
a silver blue streak
353
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:15,791
down the front, and perhaps a
Dorothy Hamill in the back.
354
00:17:15,874 --> 00:17:19,795
Oh, short and sassy.
355
00:17:19,879 --> 00:17:22,039
Now, look, I've been a hair
dresser a lot longer
356
00:17:22,121 --> 00:17:23,840
than you girls.
357
00:17:25,185 --> 00:17:27,445
And what I think this,
this doll needs
358
00:17:27,528 --> 00:17:30,725
is-is something exciting,
like a hat.
359
00:17:31,532 --> 00:17:34,169
Now, look, y'all must
be mad now, child.
360
00:17:35,738 --> 00:17:37,077
Now, look, look,
you just look at the shape
361
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,561
of Ms. Thing's head there, now.
362
00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:41,102
Now, now, she needs-she needs
something that's gonna go
363
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,385
help pull it all
together, you know.
364
00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:44,406
Now, girl, look, your hair
is screamin' for effort
365
00:17:44,489 --> 00:17:46,324
now whatever that might be.
366
00:17:50,818 --> 00:17:53,083
Hun, hun, if you tease
your hair anymore
367
00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:55,291
it's gonna bite you.
368
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,293
Guys, do you mind?
This is my lunch hour.
369
00:17:58,376 --> 00:18:00,726
How can you sit here
and pork up
370
00:18:00,778 --> 00:18:03,475
when a man's future's gonna be
flushed down the toilet?
371
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,956
How? I'm hungry, that's how.
372
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:10,082
Oh, yeah, well, chomp on this.
Take a look at this here.
373
00:18:10,166 --> 00:18:13,505
What we've done is we
circumnavigated a few words here
374
00:18:13,589 --> 00:18:15,171
to tell what really happened.
375
00:18:15,211 --> 00:18:16,792
This is the real version
of what happened here.
376
00:18:16,852 --> 00:18:18,333
Go ahead, now you read that.
377
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,872
How could you?
You weren't even there.
378
00:18:19,955 --> 00:18:22,037
Oh, yeah, well,
neither was you, baby.
379
00:18:22,037 --> 00:18:24,539
Remember, you was out cold.
380
00:18:24,559 --> 00:18:25,476
Arnold, read it.
381
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,020
Okay.
382
00:18:27,113 --> 00:18:32,071
"Cottage cheese, milk, rye
bread, taco sauce, call Murry..."
383
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,291
Hey, hey, turn it over,
turn it over.
384
00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:37,138
"Corn flakes, cue tips."
385
00:18:37,138 --> 00:18:38,577
Nah, nah, lower, lower.
386
00:18:38,578 --> 00:18:41,080
"Corn flakes, cue tips."
387
00:18:44,866 --> 00:18:50,959
[clears throat] "I, Laura Stevens hereby declare
that I luredMr. Gabriel Kotter
388
00:18:50,959 --> 00:18:53,982
"into his very own classroom
in order to act like
389
00:18:54,065 --> 00:18:56,165
a shameless hussy."
390
00:18:57,873 --> 00:18:59,674
I did not.
391
00:18:59,757 --> 00:19:01,722
Oh, yeah, you did too
'cause it says it right here
392
00:19:01,722 --> 00:19:03,080
in this note here.
393
00:19:03,164 --> 00:19:05,827
Look, it says
"Shame on your hussy."
394
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:09,668
Look, guys, he asked me
to stay after class.
395
00:19:09,752 --> 00:19:12,277
He just wanted to tell me not to
put on make up during class.
396
00:19:12,295 --> 00:19:14,855
Now, will you let me
finish my hair and my lunch?
397
00:19:14,938 --> 00:19:17,040
You eat your hair for lunch?
398
00:19:17,798 --> 00:19:19,800
These happen to be bean sprouts.
399
00:19:19,883 --> 00:19:21,925
Oh, yeah, well, let me see
this here, let me see this.
400
00:19:21,945 --> 00:19:24,545
Oh, look at this, no wonder
why you're so skinny
401
00:19:24,628 --> 00:19:26,869
eatin' all this narrow food.
402
00:19:28,309 --> 00:19:29,991
Gee, thanks, you really think
I look thin?
403
00:19:30,074 --> 00:19:32,254
I hope so, this is all
I've been eating for two weeks.
404
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:33,797
Bean sprouts?
405
00:19:33,936 --> 00:19:35,878
How do you keep goin'
on bean sprouts?
406
00:19:35,961 --> 00:19:37,641
She don't.
407
00:19:37,794 --> 00:19:39,594
She faints.
408
00:19:39,857 --> 00:19:41,844
Ain't that right, Laura?
409
00:19:41,927 --> 00:19:43,319
Well, maybe once or twice.
410
00:19:43,402 --> 00:19:45,927
Like yesterday in front
of Mr. Kotter, right?
411
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:46,811
I don't remember.
412
00:19:46,887 --> 00:19:49,530
Well, let's refresh your
memory here, huh?
413
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:51,771
What we want you to do is,
we want you to go and talk
414
00:19:51,854 --> 00:19:55,031
to the school board,
tell 'em what really happened
415
00:19:55,058 --> 00:19:57,038
not how Kotter attacked you,
but how you OD'd
416
00:19:57,121 --> 00:19:58,970
on the bean sprouts.
417
00:20:00,965 --> 00:20:02,705
Oh, come on, guys,
I can't do that.
418
00:20:02,789 --> 00:20:04,551
I don't want them to know
I'm dieting.
419
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,692
They might think I'm vain.
420
00:20:07,394 --> 00:20:11,724
Well, what do you want,
vainor pain?
421
00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:14,121
Alright, alright,
I'm going, I'm going.
422
00:20:14,205 --> 00:20:15,792
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
423
00:20:17,064 --> 00:20:20,480
[laughing]
424
00:20:25,143 --> 00:20:27,464
- Uh, Mr. Woodman, I...
- Shh, shh!
425
00:20:27,847 --> 00:20:29,588
What are you doing?
426
00:20:29,671 --> 00:20:31,773
Kotter's in there with Mr. Jan
of the school board.
427
00:20:31,794 --> 00:20:33,975
- I'm listening to him sweat.
- Oh!
428
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,410
Yes, dear child,
what can I do for you?
429
00:20:38,493 --> 00:20:40,836
Uh, Mr. Woodman, I don't think
the board understands.
430
00:20:40,836 --> 00:20:42,355
You see, I've gotta tell them
that Mr. Kotter
431
00:20:42,438 --> 00:20:43,436
didn't attack me.
432
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,580
Not now-not now, Laura.
433
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:47,062
Just wait a second and see
if Kotter breaks down
434
00:20:47,145 --> 00:20:48,122
on the stand.
435
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,486
But Mr. Woodman, I have to
tell them the truth.
436
00:20:50,569 --> 00:20:52,409
What and deny an old man
what little pleasure he has
437
00:20:52,492 --> 00:20:54,123
left in life?
438
00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:56,404
Just one last listen.
439
00:21:00,517 --> 00:21:02,399
Are you alright, Laura?
440
00:21:02,482 --> 00:21:04,331
Yeah, I'm fine.
441
00:21:05,093 --> 00:21:06,553
Laura!
442
00:21:15,438 --> 00:21:17,244
[screaming]
443
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:20,452
Not another one!
444
00:21:20,535 --> 00:21:22,217
Oh, shut up, Judy,
the child fainted.
445
00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:23,555
Go call the nurse.
446
00:21:23,638 --> 00:21:25,435
Oh, I can't stand this.
447
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,341
I-I'm gonna transfer
to a private girl's school.
448
00:21:28,425 --> 00:21:29,603
Oh, you're all alike.
449
00:21:29,686 --> 00:21:31,609
You only have one thing
on your mind.
450
00:21:31,630 --> 00:21:33,730
It's just disgusting!
451
00:21:36,130 --> 00:21:39,046
Quiet, please,
we're trying to...
452
00:21:39,113 --> 00:21:40,592
She'd better be
drowning, Woodman
453
00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:43,044
or you're in a lot of trouble.
454
00:21:43,819 --> 00:21:46,407
Laura, Laura, are you okay?
455
00:21:46,962 --> 00:21:48,642
What happened?
456
00:21:48,884 --> 00:21:51,586
I think you had another
faculty attack.
457
00:21:52,725 --> 00:21:55,168
Gee, it really was
the bean sprout diet.
458
00:21:55,252 --> 00:21:56,790
Bean sprouts?
459
00:21:56,873 --> 00:21:58,713
Let's get up.
460
00:21:58,796 --> 00:22:00,497
Yeah, you see I've been on
this bean sprout diet
461
00:22:00,497 --> 00:22:04,588
and Mr. Woodman and Mr. Kotter
were just trying to help me.
462
00:22:04,642 --> 00:22:07,605
I guess it's time to
forget the diet, huh?
463
00:22:07,625 --> 00:22:08,887
Bean sprouts, you know, Mr. Jan
464
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:11,029
they're on the
number three dinner.
465
00:22:17,616 --> 00:22:19,922
Laura, please go down
to the cafeteria
466
00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:22,379
and have something
substantial to eat.
467
00:22:22,462 --> 00:22:23,921
Yeah, uh, uh, tell them
not to give you
468
00:22:24,004 --> 00:22:25,810
the roast legger surprise.
469
00:22:26,987 --> 00:22:28,662
Thanks, Mr. Kotter.
470
00:22:28,745 --> 00:22:31,481
Well, you're both to be
commended for your
471
00:22:31,564 --> 00:22:34,548
quick thinking and your
knowledge of first aid.
472
00:22:34,568 --> 00:22:35,679
Thank you, Mr. Jan.
473
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:37,211
Of course, I was much faster
than Kotter.
474
00:22:37,251 --> 00:22:38,913
In two seconds,
I was all over her.
475
00:22:38,933 --> 00:22:40,564
I mean, uh...
476
00:22:43,159 --> 00:22:45,117
I mean... You know what I mean.
477
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,500
Sure, we know what you mean,
Mr. Woodman.
478
00:22:46,583 --> 00:22:48,064
You got nothin' to worry about
479
00:22:48,145 --> 00:22:50,048
except maybe Laura going
around telling everybody
480
00:22:50,048 --> 00:22:51,636
you're a wet kisser.
481
00:22:52,451 --> 00:22:54,647
Woodman, in the office.
482
00:22:54,894 --> 00:22:56,393
She said that?
483
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:58,396
She said that?
484
00:23:08,578 --> 00:23:11,142
Well, Mr. Kotter, on behalf
of the school board
485
00:23:11,162 --> 00:23:13,862
I'd like to apologize
for what happened.
486
00:23:13,946 --> 00:23:16,559
Oh, don't worry
about it, Mr. Jan.
487
00:23:16,642 --> 00:23:18,225
Uh, I'm curious about
something, is it true
488
00:23:18,253 --> 00:23:19,911
that you don't
like oriental food?
489
00:23:19,994 --> 00:23:23,323
Yes, that's true,
I prefer Italian.
490
00:23:24,502 --> 00:23:26,463
Really? Listen, I gotta
tell you a story
491
00:23:26,546 --> 00:23:28,486
a true story, happened
to one of my uncles.
492
00:23:28,569 --> 00:23:29,647
Your uncle?
493
00:23:29,730 --> 00:23:32,494
Uh, my uncle goes into
a-an Italian restaurant
494
00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:34,187
and he's got a Chinese waiter.
495
00:23:34,270 --> 00:23:36,936
And the Chinese waiter comes up
and speaks perfect Italian.
496
00:23:36,986 --> 00:23:38,771
Takes his order
in perfect Italian.
497
00:23:38,789 --> 00:23:40,931
My uncle can't believe it.
He calls over the owner.
498
00:23:41,013 --> 00:23:43,977
He said, "How come that Chinese
waiter speaks perfect Italian?"
499
00:23:44,061 --> 00:23:45,644
The owner said, "Well, he's
only been in this country
500
00:23:45,644 --> 00:23:48,547
for two months. He thinks
we're teaching him English."
501
00:23:49,067 --> 00:23:51,698
[laughs]
502
00:23:52,897 --> 00:23:56,269
[theme song]
503
00:24:00,905 --> 00:24:03,564
♪ Welcome back ♪
504
00:24:03,647 --> 00:24:07,263
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
505
00:24:07,346 --> 00:24:09,483
♪ Welcome back ♪
506
00:24:09,566 --> 00:24:14,313
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
507
00:24:14,396 --> 00:24:18,579
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
508
00:24:18,662 --> 00:24:23,192
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
509
00:24:23,275 --> 00:24:25,412
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
510
00:24:25,495 --> 00:24:27,152
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
511
00:24:27,235 --> 00:24:29,198
♪ Back here where
we need ya ♪
512
00:24:29,281 --> 00:24:31,287
♪ Back here where
we need ya ♪
513
00:24:31,370 --> 00:24:35,552
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
514
00:24:35,635 --> 00:24:37,859
♪ Welcome back ♪
515
00:24:37,942 --> 00:24:42,211
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
516
00:24:42,294 --> 00:24:44,343
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
517
00:24:44,426 --> 00:24:47,042
♪ Welcome back ♪
518
00:24:47,125 --> 00:24:50,959
♪ We always could
spot a friend ♪
519
00:24:51,042 --> 00:24:53,221
♪ Welcome back ♪
520
00:24:53,304 --> 00:24:57,748
♪ And I smile when I think
how you must've been ♪
521
00:24:57,831 --> 00:25:02,230
♪ And I know what a scene
you were learnin' in ♪
522
00:25:02,313 --> 00:25:05,491
♪ Was there something that
made you come back again ♪♪
37755
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