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1
00:00:01,549 --> 00:00:03,572
Yo, Mr. Kotter, you gotta help
me for my English class.
2
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,570
I need a sentence
with the word "officiate."
3
00:00:05,636 --> 00:00:07,737
Sentence with the word
"officiate," okay. Um...
4
00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:13,428
My uncle got sick
because of a fish he ate.
5
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,435
[theme song]
6
00:00:22,763 --> 00:00:25,465
♪ Welcome back ♪
7
00:00:25,548 --> 00:00:29,339
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
8
00:00:29,422 --> 00:00:31,471
♪ Welcome back ♪
9
00:00:31,554 --> 00:00:36,346
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
10
00:00:36,429 --> 00:00:38,327
♪ Well the names
have all changed ♪
11
00:00:38,327 --> 00:00:40,594
♪ Since you hung around ♪
12
00:00:40,677 --> 00:00:42,901
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
13
00:00:42,984 --> 00:00:45,337
♪ And they've turned around ♪
14
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,296
♪ Who's have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
15
00:00:47,379 --> 00:00:49,168
♪ Who's have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
16
00:00:49,251 --> 00:00:51,170
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
17
00:00:51,253 --> 00:00:53,172
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
18
00:00:53,255 --> 00:00:57,741
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
19
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,700
♪ Welcome back ♪
20
00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:01,832
♪ Welcome back
Welcome back ♪
21
00:01:01,915 --> 00:01:04,722
♪ Welcome back ♪♪
22
00:01:07,714 --> 00:01:09,674
Please, Vinnie, no more.
23
00:01:09,757 --> 00:01:14,001
No more. I'll be good...
I'll be a good boy.
24
00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:17,004
Please, just don't tell
no more of your jokes.
25
00:01:17,087 --> 00:01:18,908
Sit down.
Sit down, will ya?
26
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,234
Okay, look, this last joke,
it's really funny.
27
00:01:21,254 --> 00:01:24,236
Everybody last night really
laughed at this joke.
28
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:25,745
Okay. Umm...
29
00:01:25,828 --> 00:01:28,623
Alright, this guy, he goes,
uh, to a parkin' meter.
30
00:01:28,706 --> 00:01:32,950
He puts the dime in the parkin'
meter and the needle goes to 60.
31
00:01:33,033 --> 00:01:36,374
Right? And he says, "Oh no.
I've lost a hundred pounds."
32
00:01:36,375 --> 00:01:38,007
[all groaning]
33
00:01:40,405 --> 00:01:44,049
And then, um, I got this other
one that's really funny, too.
34
00:01:44,132 --> 00:01:45,592
Um... alright.
35
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,818
I taught my dog how to eat
by the sound of the bell right.
36
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:52,186
So what happens yesterday,
he eats the Avon lady.
37
00:01:53,595 --> 00:01:55,836
[all groaning]
38
00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:08,207
What, uh, what are you
groaning about? I just got here.
39
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:11,111
Uh, hey, Vinnie, ask Mr. Kotter
one of those jokes.
40
00:02:11,194 --> 00:02:13,097
He'll know if it's old.
41
00:02:13,180 --> 00:02:14,640
Okay. Alright.
42
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:19,982
Mr. Kotter, okay, now everybody
thinks that-that, um...
43
00:02:20,065 --> 00:02:21,647
...Columbus had
three ships, right?
44
00:02:21,647 --> 00:02:24,665
But, you did not know
he really had four.
45
00:02:24,748 --> 00:02:27,552
- Yeah, I knew, Vinnie.
- Okay the reason was because...
46
00:02:27,635 --> 00:02:29,654
What do you mean you know?
47
00:02:29,737 --> 00:02:31,337
You're not supposed to say you
know, you're supposed to say
48
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,060
"How come, Vinnie?"
Then I tell you the punch line.
49
00:02:34,143 --> 00:02:36,386
I'm sorry, Vinnie,
I know the joke.
50
00:02:36,386 --> 00:02:39,823
Why don't you go finish it?
You already ruined my timing.
51
00:02:40,868 --> 00:02:43,091
I didn't mean to, Vinnie.
I just know the joke.
52
00:02:43,174 --> 00:02:45,156
Columbus started out
with four ships.
53
00:02:45,156 --> 00:02:47,921
But only three reached America
because one fell over the edge.
54
00:02:48,004 --> 00:02:50,071
[all laughing]
55
00:02:51,924 --> 00:02:54,862
Go ahead, laugh at him
just because he's the teacher.
56
00:02:54,945 --> 00:02:56,727
If I was to tell the joke
you wouldn't have laughed.
57
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,240
You'd have said,
"Old joke, Vinnie, not funny."
58
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,700
Doi!
59
00:03:01,794 --> 00:03:03,994
What's all this
joke business about?
60
00:03:04,077 --> 00:03:06,379
Well you see, Mr. Kotter,
last night
61
00:03:06,379 --> 00:03:08,999
Vinnie here went
to the Comedy Connection.
62
00:03:09,082 --> 00:03:13,602
A place that features
new comedians with old jokes.
63
00:03:13,685 --> 00:03:15,527
Comedy Connection? I've been
there. It's a lot of fun.
64
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:16,872
- You went last night?
- Yeah.
65
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:18,594
Sunday's amateur night.
That's great.
66
00:03:18,594 --> 00:03:21,074
Did you ever think about
maybe performing there?
67
00:03:21,157 --> 00:03:22,879
I mean, you'd fit right in.
68
00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:26,351
You're jokes is as old
as anybody's.
69
00:03:26,434 --> 00:03:28,414
You know, one time
I almost got up there.
70
00:03:28,497 --> 00:03:30,079
Yeah well, what happened?
71
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,723
Well, I wanted to go on stage
but my stomach didn't.
72
00:03:34,664 --> 00:03:36,587
Come on, Mr. Kotter.
73
00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:39,476
Aren't you the boss
of your body?
74
00:03:41,157 --> 00:03:43,858
What are you, stomach-pecked?
75
00:03:46,622 --> 00:03:49,967
Look, being a comedian to me has
always been like a secret dream
76
00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:52,674
and I, uh, I think I should
leave it that way.
77
00:03:52,674 --> 00:03:55,503
Mr. Kotter, it's great
to have secret dreams.
78
00:03:55,586 --> 00:03:57,165
I got one.
79
00:03:57,248 --> 00:03:59,532
It involves one
of "Charlie's Angels."
80
00:04:03,136 --> 00:04:04,916
Mr. Kotter, ain't you
the guy who told us
81
00:04:04,999 --> 00:04:08,616
we have a chance to go for that
brass ring, to grab it?
82
00:04:08,699 --> 00:04:09,762
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
83
00:04:09,845 --> 00:04:11,144
Yeah, ain't you
the guy that told us
84
00:04:11,227 --> 00:04:14,130
if you wants to win,
you gots to play?
85
00:04:14,991 --> 00:04:15,951
Yeah.
86
00:04:16,034 --> 00:04:17,896
And didn't you tell me yesterday
87
00:04:17,896 --> 00:04:20,796
that if you don't have
confidence in yourself
88
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,880
no one will?
89
00:04:23,121 --> 00:04:24,061
Yeah.
90
00:04:24,145 --> 00:04:25,604
[all] Well?
91
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,962
Trapped, by my own words.
92
00:04:32,469 --> 00:04:34,340
Alright, I'll do it.
This Sunday night.
93
00:04:34,383 --> 00:04:36,015
[cheering]
94
00:04:38,338 --> 00:04:41,299
What's all the noise
about, Kotter?
95
00:04:41,383 --> 00:04:43,927
Well, this Sunday night
I'm going to a night club
96
00:04:43,927 --> 00:04:46,688
and I'm gonna do a comedy
routine on amateur night.
97
00:04:46,771 --> 00:04:48,354
Come on, Kotter,
there's no night club
98
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:51,270
with a night that amateur.
99
00:04:51,353 --> 00:04:54,757
Mr. Woodman, I mean, what do you
know about night clubs?
100
00:04:54,758 --> 00:04:55,960
Last time you was
at a night club
101
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,141
the car hop
parked your dinosaur.
102
00:04:59,224 --> 00:05:01,112
[all jeering]
103
00:05:01,195 --> 00:05:03,197
Mr. Woodman, ain't you
ever heard of it?
104
00:05:03,197 --> 00:05:06,120
It's the Comedy Connection.
It's the in thing to do now.
105
00:05:06,121 --> 00:05:07,563
What, are you gonna be there?
106
00:05:07,563 --> 00:05:10,022
I wouldn't miss this
for anything in the world.
107
00:05:10,106 --> 00:05:13,543
You know, Kotter, in my day
I was a champion heckler.
108
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,934
You're such a sweet guy,
Mr. Woodman.
109
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,878
My picture hangs
in every post office
110
00:05:19,961 --> 00:05:21,680
in the Catskill mountains.
111
00:05:23,507 --> 00:05:26,304
You ever heard
of Shecky Rabinowitz?
112
00:05:26,388 --> 00:05:27,830
Of course, you haven't.
113
00:05:27,913 --> 00:05:30,282
I ruined his career
with one heckle.
114
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:33,989
Today, he's raising
earthworms in New Jersey.
115
00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:37,746
Sunday night,
the Comedy Connection.
116
00:05:37,829 --> 00:05:39,929
Ha ha ha!
117
00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:44,304
You're on next, honey.
They just called number 41.
118
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,974
I don't believe I had to take
a number when I came in.
119
00:05:46,974 --> 00:05:50,440
What is this?
A night club or a bakery?
120
00:05:50,679 --> 00:05:52,243
I'm not sure.
121
00:05:52,326 --> 00:05:54,549
But just to cover yourself,
when you go out there
122
00:05:54,632 --> 00:05:55,832
you can start with
123
00:05:55,915 --> 00:05:58,476
"Good evening,
ladies and muffins."
124
00:05:59,758 --> 00:06:01,782
Julie, what're you
making jokes for?
125
00:06:01,865 --> 00:06:03,789
I gotta go on in five minutes,
and you're making jokes.
126
00:06:03,789 --> 00:06:06,335
- I'm sorry.
- That's not bad.
127
00:06:06,336 --> 00:06:08,355
You know, that might be
a good opening.
128
00:06:08,356 --> 00:06:09,357
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
129
00:06:09,358 --> 00:06:11,238
You know, I got here,
they made me take a number.
130
00:06:11,321 --> 00:06:13,582
I wasn't sure if this is
a club or a bakery.
131
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:16,507
Anyway, good evening
ladies and muffins.
132
00:06:17,732 --> 00:06:19,829
Don't use it.
133
00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:21,796
Honey, just be yourself.
134
00:06:21,879 --> 00:06:26,222
You're funny, you're charming
and you have a twinkle.
135
00:06:26,306 --> 00:06:28,882
I think my twinkle
just went out.
136
00:06:28,965 --> 00:06:30,448
I gotta get 'em
right away, you know?
137
00:06:30,531 --> 00:06:33,403
I mean, you need a good opening.
Something that really grabs 'em.
138
00:06:33,414 --> 00:06:36,234
Oh, if you wanna grab 'em,
instead of a tuxedo
139
00:06:36,317 --> 00:06:38,602
you should have rented
a gorilla.
140
00:06:42,142 --> 00:06:44,904
Muffin was funny,
gorilla, forget about it.
141
00:06:46,187 --> 00:06:49,108
You all set, Shecky? Huh?
142
00:06:50,649 --> 00:06:52,972
Hey, guy, what's the matter?
143
00:06:53,055 --> 00:06:55,536
You look as nervous
as a gorilla.
144
00:06:57,570 --> 00:06:59,150
Where'd you get
that gorilla from?
145
00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:01,373
Out there. Number 41.
146
00:07:01,457 --> 00:07:02,920
Said the audience was so bad
147
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,357
that the only thing that could
grab them was a gorilla.
148
00:07:09,132 --> 00:07:11,242
Did he say anything
about muffins?
149
00:07:12,595 --> 00:07:15,200
Nah. Uh, that was number 38.
150
00:07:15,283 --> 00:07:17,625
Yeah, he came out there and said
151
00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:20,410
"Good evening,
ladies and muffins."
152
00:07:21,518 --> 00:07:23,161
I don't believe it.
I'm number 42.
153
00:07:23,244 --> 00:07:25,243
They've probably heard
every joke in the world.
154
00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:26,868
Yeah, you're right.
155
00:07:26,888 --> 00:07:29,868
Well look, I just came in here
to wish you good luck and...
156
00:07:29,951 --> 00:07:32,062
...tell you to break an arm.
157
00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:36,666
The expression is
break a leg, Juan.
158
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:39,426
Whatever it takes.
159
00:07:42,802 --> 00:07:44,464
Well, might as well
go out there.
160
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:47,590
- It's gonna be any minute now.
- Good luck, honey.
161
00:07:50,786 --> 00:07:52,708
You think I'm gonna get
any laughs?
162
00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:55,161
Well, if you don't,
your suit will.
163
00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:01,618
- Very funny.
- Yeah.
164
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,167
As Ed Sullivan used to say
165
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:08,671
[imitating Ed Sullivan]
Really big, really big.
166
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:14,041
Right here on our stage,
we have World War II
167
00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:16,098
and the original cast.
168
00:08:16,181 --> 00:08:18,904
Really big, really big.
169
00:08:18,987 --> 00:08:23,110
Excuse me there fella, how much
do you charge to hoard a house?
170
00:08:25,895 --> 00:08:28,879
If you people ever get
a chance to be an audience
171
00:08:28,879 --> 00:08:30,421
don't take it.
172
00:08:30,441 --> 00:08:32,203
Hey, why don't you call
Christiaan Barnard
173
00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,384
and get a joke transplant.
174
00:08:38,721 --> 00:08:43,328
[male announcer] Number 42 is next.
A school teacher from Brooklyn.
175
00:08:43,411 --> 00:08:44,871
Gabe Kotter.
176
00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:47,219
[cheering]
177
00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:55,395
Thank you. Thank you very much.
178
00:08:55,477 --> 00:08:57,559
- It's nice to be here tonight.
- Excuse me.
179
00:08:57,642 --> 00:08:59,446
What did the penguin do
after you mugged him
180
00:08:59,446 --> 00:09:01,808
and took away his suit?
181
00:09:03,035 --> 00:09:05,570
Mr. Woodman, give him a chance!
182
00:09:05,653 --> 00:09:07,877
Uh, it's nice to
be here tonight.
183
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,876
I have some funny relatives.
Like there's my Aunt Rhoda.
184
00:09:10,904 --> 00:09:14,830
She's been married so many times
she has rice scars on her face.
185
00:09:14,913 --> 00:09:16,414
[laughing]
186
00:09:20,618 --> 00:09:22,181
She's the only lady I know
187
00:09:22,181 --> 00:09:24,911
that has a wash
and wear wedding dress.
188
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,433
[laughing]
189
00:09:32,609 --> 00:09:35,394
Well, come on!
Don't you get it?
190
00:09:35,477 --> 00:09:38,110
Wash and wear
wedding dress. Laugh!
191
00:09:41,131 --> 00:09:44,601
Uh, I have an Aunt Elsie who
192
00:09:44,601 --> 00:09:46,722
used to yell at my Uncle Al.
193
00:09:46,722 --> 00:09:49,940
In the house she would say,
"You give me so much trouble...
194
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,026
...when you die,
I'm gonna dance on your grave."
195
00:09:52,109 --> 00:09:54,631
Well, my Uncle Al would say...
196
00:09:54,631 --> 00:09:58,832
...I'm gonna be buried at sea.
Let her dance."
197
00:09:59,496 --> 00:10:02,598
Why don't you bury
your act at sea?
198
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:04,797
You afraid it'll kill the fish?
199
00:10:04,797 --> 00:10:07,802
[laughing]
200
00:10:07,885 --> 00:10:09,587
Hey, hey, hey, wait a second.
Wait a second.
201
00:10:09,587 --> 00:10:12,309
Where you folks going?
The man ain't done with his act.
202
00:10:12,349 --> 00:10:16,267
That would be very impolite for
you to leave and very unhealthy.
203
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:18,254
- Have a seat, then.
- It's a very nice comedy show.
204
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,410
Sit down, relax.
205
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:22,186
Yeah, uh, everybody, no one
has to leave yet.
206
00:10:22,226 --> 00:10:24,405
- I got a million jokes.
- Oh yeah?
207
00:10:24,488 --> 00:10:26,804
Why don't you take
the rest home in a doggy bag?
208
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,300
[laughing]
209
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,126
Hey, Mr. Woodman,
why don't you put
210
00:10:32,126 --> 00:10:36,592
your false teeth in backwards
and bite yourself to death?
211
00:10:41,688 --> 00:10:43,971
Come on, folks, come on, listen.
212
00:10:44,054 --> 00:10:47,696
Let me tell you, let me tell
you about another aunt I have.
213
00:10:47,697 --> 00:10:50,008
She, uh, she's, uh
214
00:10:50,091 --> 00:10:54,095
she's so skinny she wears
snow sh-shower...
215
00:10:54,171 --> 00:10:56,890
Wait a second, she's so, uh,
she's so skinny
216
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:59,634
she wears snow shoes
in the shower
217
00:10:59,717 --> 00:11:03,240
otherwise she'll get
sucked down the drain.
218
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:10,789
There's my Uncle Max.
My uncle Max he's, uh...
219
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,465
Look, I don't know, I'm sorry.
220
00:11:15,548 --> 00:11:20,553
I'm not a comedian. I shouldn't
be here. I shouldn't be up here.
221
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:24,133
It was... it was stupid
for me to...
222
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:26,056
Have a good time.
223
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:33,302
Well, I hope you'll
are happy now.
224
00:11:33,385 --> 00:11:35,496
That man's got babies at home.
225
00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:39,050
Oh, yeah?
226
00:11:39,271 --> 00:11:42,441
They're lucky they don't
have to listen to his act.
227
00:11:43,842 --> 00:11:47,946
Alright, bring on number 43.
Ha ha ha!
228
00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:54,433
It was okay. You had
some nice moments.
229
00:11:54,516 --> 00:11:56,559
You did alright, Mr. Kotter.
Better luck next time.
230
00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:57,918
It's alright.
231
00:11:58,001 --> 00:12:00,923
Oh, wasn't that bad, honey.
232
00:12:01,726 --> 00:12:03,357
It was that bad.
233
00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:08,347
Yeah, you was really doing great
till you opened your mouth.
234
00:12:09,468 --> 00:12:11,209
At least your suit was funny.
235
00:12:11,292 --> 00:12:12,779
[laughing]
236
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,033
Yeah.
237
00:12:14,116 --> 00:12:17,117
Chin up, little buckaroo.
238
00:12:18,599 --> 00:12:20,623
You did your best.
239
00:12:21,419 --> 00:12:22,901
Yeah, I guess so, Arnold.
240
00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:25,922
I mean, it's not my fault
if my relatives aren't funny.
241
00:12:26,005 --> 00:12:27,246
That's the spirit, honey.
242
00:12:27,328 --> 00:12:29,428
You have got nothing
to be ashamed of.
243
00:12:29,511 --> 00:12:33,482
Yeah well, I got something to be
ashamed of. I laughed at him.
244
00:12:35,074 --> 00:12:36,356
I can never
come back here again.
245
00:12:36,439 --> 00:12:38,398
Everyone's gonna think
there's something wrong with me.
246
00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:40,316
They're gonna think I'm weird.
247
00:12:41,026 --> 00:12:44,371
Look, guys, you wanted me
to try and I did.
248
00:12:44,453 --> 00:12:47,381
Now, uh, if you don't mind
249
00:12:47,381 --> 00:12:48,550
I'll see you tomorrow.
250
00:12:48,632 --> 00:12:50,913
- Right on, man. Sure.
- You take care.
251
00:12:50,914 --> 00:12:52,662
You did alright, you know.
252
00:12:52,663 --> 00:12:55,426
- Yeah look, that's showbiz.
- Yeah.
253
00:12:56,925 --> 00:12:59,207
I'm proud of you.
254
00:13:00,635 --> 00:13:03,376
Come on, honey.
Everything's gonna be alright.
255
00:13:03,458 --> 00:13:05,261
- Yeah, let's go home.
- Okay.
256
00:13:05,261 --> 00:13:08,309
Hey, uh, don't tell
the girls what happened.
257
00:13:08,310 --> 00:13:09,770
Okay.
258
00:13:09,908 --> 00:13:11,451
- Gabe Kotter?
- Yeah.
259
00:13:11,534 --> 00:13:13,833
Nice to meet you.
Peter Charnoff.
260
00:13:13,916 --> 00:13:16,280
Oh, hi. This is my wife Julia.
This is Mr. Charnoff.
261
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:17,562
- Hi.
- Hi.
262
00:13:17,645 --> 00:13:21,088
Creative talent agency?
I think you got the wrong guy.
263
00:13:21,171 --> 00:13:22,271
I'm in the night club division.
264
00:13:22,354 --> 00:13:24,604
We're always looking
for new talent.
265
00:13:24,687 --> 00:13:26,609
Well, now I know
you got the wrong guy.
266
00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:27,650
Forget about tonight.
267
00:13:27,732 --> 00:13:30,636
There's some crazy old man
out there heckling everybody.
268
00:13:33,038 --> 00:13:35,998
You know, I hope
I never see him again.
269
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,579
I wish I could be that lucky.
270
00:13:38,662 --> 00:13:41,664
Look. I think
you're a funny guy.
271
00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:43,466
Your trouble is material.
272
00:13:43,549 --> 00:13:45,371
Number one, you need
somethin' fresh.
273
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:47,761
Somethin' that fits you.
Have a seat.
274
00:13:51,117 --> 00:13:53,908
- Have a seat.
- Oh.
275
00:13:53,991 --> 00:13:55,513
Now, what do you do
for a living?
276
00:13:55,596 --> 00:13:58,134
- I'm a teacher.
- Alright, what do you teach?
277
00:13:58,217 --> 00:14:00,360
Uh, social studies
for under achievers.
278
00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:01,942
Not bad. That could be funny.
279
00:14:02,025 --> 00:14:04,602
Oh, it is funny.
You should meet the Sweathogs.
280
00:14:04,685 --> 00:14:06,047
Yeah, you should meet
the Sweathogs.
281
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:07,890
Sweathogs? What's Sweathogs?
282
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:09,632
Sweathogs are the kids I teach.
283
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:12,217
I love it. I'm laughin' already.
284
00:14:15,703 --> 00:14:18,124
You don't look
like you're laughing.
285
00:14:18,207 --> 00:14:19,967
It's inside here.
286
00:14:20,050 --> 00:14:21,617
Where it counts.
287
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:23,394
Now tell me about these kids.
288
00:14:23,426 --> 00:14:25,730
Well, um, see,
there's Arnold Horshack.
289
00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,888
Great name. Love it.
What's he like?
290
00:14:27,971 --> 00:14:30,715
Well, he's short,
he's got a kinda pointy nose.
291
00:14:30,798 --> 00:14:32,303
He laughs...
292
00:14:32,303 --> 00:14:33,924
[grunting]
293
00:14:35,025 --> 00:14:36,929
You wouldn't believe
the laugh that's going on
294
00:14:36,929 --> 00:14:38,648
inside me right now.
295
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:42,515
You know, you better watch out.
296
00:14:42,598 --> 00:14:45,100
You could get
an ingrown chuckle.
297
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,093
I'm serious.
This stuff is great.
298
00:14:48,176 --> 00:14:49,958
- You got more?
- Sure, I got more.
299
00:14:49,958 --> 00:14:52,100
There's Juan Epstein.
He's a tough guy.
300
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,643
He was voted most likely
to take a life.
301
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:57,143
- Then there's uh--
- No. Stop.
302
00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:59,031
You're killing me here.
303
00:14:59,729 --> 00:15:02,992
Look, you put these kids
in your routine
304
00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:04,974
you got yourself
a nightclub act.
305
00:15:04,994 --> 00:15:07,194
Now, I'll see you here
next Sunday night.
306
00:15:07,277 --> 00:15:08,472
What?
307
00:15:08,555 --> 00:15:10,257
Next Sunday. Do the new stuff.
308
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,460
Talk about the kids, right?
309
00:15:12,543 --> 00:15:15,865
- Yeah, sure. Right.
- Great. See you then.
310
00:15:18,690 --> 00:15:21,992
Honey, remind me next week
to bring my stethoscope.
311
00:15:22,075 --> 00:15:23,535
Stethoscope? Why?
312
00:15:23,937 --> 00:15:27,107
For once, I would like
to hear that man laugh.
313
00:15:28,864 --> 00:15:31,407
- Funny, Julie, very funny.
- I'm getting funnier.
314
00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:36,612
Alright, guys, I think I got it.
Let me try it. No interruptions.
315
00:15:36,695 --> 00:15:39,719
Just a minute!
316
00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:43,289
Mr. Music, can I have
a drum roll, please?
317
00:15:43,289 --> 00:15:45,312
[imitating snare roll]
318
00:15:47,728 --> 00:15:49,447
[imitating drum kit]
319
00:16:00,930 --> 00:16:03,651
Thank you, boys.
320
00:16:05,176 --> 00:16:09,920
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
here he is!
321
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:10,952
Gabe Kotter!
322
00:16:11,035 --> 00:16:13,500
[cheering]
323
00:16:13,583 --> 00:16:15,024
Thank you. Thank you.
324
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:16,909
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a
school teacher in Brooklyn.
325
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,331
I got this crazy
bunch of students.
326
00:16:18,351 --> 00:16:20,288
They call themselves
the Sweathogs.
327
00:16:20,371 --> 00:16:21,471
Let me tell you about 'em.
328
00:16:21,554 --> 00:16:24,057
Well, there's Freddy Washington,
we sorta call him "Boom Boom."
329
00:16:24,097 --> 00:16:26,337
That's his nickname
and he walks like this.
330
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,362
You see him walking down
the streets, walking like this.
331
00:16:31,885 --> 00:16:34,886
And he says "Hi, there."
332
00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:38,428
Wrong. Relax. Take a break.
333
00:16:38,511 --> 00:16:42,008
Now, Mr. Kotter,
I don't walk like this.
334
00:16:42,091 --> 00:16:44,920
I don't do that, see? What I do
is I relax, let myself hang.
335
00:16:44,945 --> 00:16:47,186
I let it stay back
and just give it.
336
00:16:47,227 --> 00:16:50,010
- Hi, there. Checkin' me out?
- Yeah, yeah.
337
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:52,130
Think you can handle it?
Think you can hang?
338
00:16:52,774 --> 00:16:54,911
Lemme see you hang.
You loose? Get rhythm.
339
00:16:54,994 --> 00:16:56,094
Move 'em hips. You doin' nice.
340
00:16:56,157 --> 00:16:58,180
Hang back and give it to me.
You ready?
341
00:16:58,180 --> 00:16:59,739
- Yeah.
- Let it go.
342
00:16:59,822 --> 00:17:01,542
Hi, there.
343
00:17:04,027 --> 00:17:05,207
It's gonna take
more than practice
344
00:17:05,207 --> 00:17:07,350
to get him to
look like me.
345
00:17:08,291 --> 00:17:10,619
How fast do you tan?
346
00:17:11,746 --> 00:17:13,205
- Sit down.
- Coppertone?
347
00:17:13,288 --> 00:17:14,627
Sit down.
348
00:17:14,710 --> 00:17:16,810
Alright, the next Sweathog
is Juan Epstein.
349
00:17:18,012 --> 00:17:20,795
Juan Epstein is half Jewish
and half Puerto Rican.
350
00:17:20,879 --> 00:17:23,315
His favorite dish
is matzo ball tacos.
351
00:17:23,381 --> 00:17:25,013
[laughing]
352
00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,990
Funny. That's funny.
353
00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:32,733
Juan has a very strange walk.
354
00:17:32,816 --> 00:17:35,986
He walks like he's got
his lunch in his shoes.
355
00:17:36,801 --> 00:17:38,702
Somethin' like this.
356
00:17:42,331 --> 00:17:46,096
Come on, come on. Don't be
crazy. Nobody walks like that.
357
00:17:48,852 --> 00:17:52,031
Lookie here, you gotta go
for the gold, you know?
358
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,854
Why don't you try
some of my old notes on 'em?
359
00:17:54,936 --> 00:17:56,236
One of your notes!
That's a great idea.
360
00:17:56,237 --> 00:17:58,579
Yeah, alright, now what
you gotta do is
361
00:17:58,662 --> 00:18:01,298
you gotta ask for
a category and improv it.
362
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,244
Okay. Give me a category.
Go ahead.
363
00:18:03,328 --> 00:18:04,128
Uh, space program.
364
00:18:04,128 --> 00:18:05,910
Alright, that's good,
that's good. Let's see, uh...
365
00:18:05,911 --> 00:18:09,893
Dear Mr. Kotter, please excuse
Juan for being absent.
366
00:18:09,976 --> 00:18:14,495
He got chosen by NASA
to be the first punk in orbit.
367
00:18:14,579 --> 00:18:16,545
See? Use the A stuff.
368
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,930
That's funny. Alright,
I'll do it now. Great, okay.
369
00:18:19,013 --> 00:18:20,600
Epstein always has these...
370
00:18:23,522 --> 00:18:26,066
- What're you doing?
- I'm the cocktail waitress.
371
00:18:27,891 --> 00:18:30,229
You gotta get
into the reality of this.
372
00:18:30,312 --> 00:18:31,656
Will you sit down? Come on.
373
00:18:31,739 --> 00:18:34,461
Keep your hands off me.
374
00:18:35,005 --> 00:18:37,507
I'm goin' steady with the owner.
375
00:18:40,962 --> 00:18:43,403
I give it six months.
376
00:18:44,644 --> 00:18:48,268
Mr. Kotter, don't you
pay them no mind at all.
377
00:18:48,351 --> 00:18:52,270
Go ahead, talk about me now.
Go ahead, go ahead.
378
00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:53,635
Arnold Horshack. That's right.
379
00:18:53,718 --> 00:18:55,280
That's the actual
name of a kid in my class.
380
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,916
His name's Arnold Horshack.
He goes like this.
381
00:18:59,926 --> 00:19:00,609
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
382
00:19:00,609 --> 00:19:02,191
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
383
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:03,622
No, no, no.
384
00:19:03,631 --> 00:19:04,431
No, no, no.
385
00:19:04,432 --> 00:19:06,474
I thought you said that
you weren't gonna interrupt.
386
00:19:06,474 --> 00:19:08,734
Well, if you wanna be
sloppy about it...
387
00:19:08,817 --> 00:19:11,560
Alright, alright, alright.
What am I doing wrong?
388
00:19:11,643 --> 00:19:14,702
Well, first of all,
it's more rounded tones.
389
00:19:14,702 --> 00:19:17,851
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
390
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:18,838
Now cut it off.
391
00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:20,066
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
392
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:24,276
- You got it, you got it!
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
393
00:19:24,276 --> 00:19:26,693
Now with the arm, now with
the arm. And hold it up.
394
00:19:26,693 --> 00:19:28,391
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- Louder! You got it!
395
00:19:28,391 --> 00:19:30,887
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!
- You got it!
396
00:19:36,590 --> 00:19:38,960
Nice to hear
the old songs, Kotter.
397
00:19:40,175 --> 00:19:44,321
Mr. Woodman, Mr. Kotter's
rehearsing his act here.
398
00:19:44,404 --> 00:19:46,266
- You're gonna do it again?
- Yes, yes.
399
00:19:46,306 --> 00:19:48,487
Some guy figured out
why I bombed last time.
400
00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:50,048
Oh, I could've told you that.
401
00:19:50,131 --> 00:19:52,052
You went on stage.
402
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,002
[laughing]
403
00:19:57,058 --> 00:19:58,600
Alright, forget about him.
404
00:19:58,683 --> 00:20:00,511
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have another student.
405
00:20:00,546 --> 00:20:02,268
His name is Vinnie Barbarino.
406
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:05,052
Vinnie Barbarino is
very popular with the ladies.
407
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:08,986
In fact if Information can't
find a number, they call Vinnie.
408
00:20:09,070 --> 00:20:10,657
[cheering]
409
00:20:13,058 --> 00:20:14,280
He's the only student I know
410
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,496
that's listed
in the Guinness of Hickies.
411
00:20:16,579 --> 00:20:18,037
[laughing]
412
00:20:21,646 --> 00:20:23,789
Yeah, I gotta say one thing
about the Sweathogs.
413
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:26,555
They're non-violent.
They don't believe in guns.
414
00:20:26,575 --> 00:20:28,633
They insert
the bullets manually.
415
00:20:28,633 --> 00:20:30,482
[laughing]
416
00:20:31,982 --> 00:20:33,822
Remember what I said
about Juan Epstein?
417
00:20:33,905 --> 00:20:35,106
Whenever he's
late or absent
418
00:20:35,106 --> 00:20:38,147
he always brings in a note
and he writes it himself.
419
00:20:38,230 --> 00:20:41,423
Here's one. An actual note
that Juan handed in.
420
00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:43,609
"Dear Mr. Kotter,
please excuse Juan
421
00:20:43,648 --> 00:20:45,391
"for being absent for two days.
422
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:46,553
"He was flown to Rome
423
00:20:46,553 --> 00:20:48,657
for an ecumenical council
with the Pope."
424
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:51,176
[laughing]
425
00:20:51,259 --> 00:20:54,006
It's uh, it's signed
"Epstein's mother."
426
00:20:54,089 --> 00:20:55,720
[laughing]
427
00:20:57,427 --> 00:21:00,131
Well, what can I tell you people
about the Sweathogs
428
00:21:00,131 --> 00:21:03,153
that you already haven't heard
on your police radios?
429
00:21:05,659 --> 00:21:06,799
Hey, thank you.
430
00:21:06,882 --> 00:21:08,391
Or as the Sweathogs would say
431
00:21:08,391 --> 00:21:11,859
"Up your noses
with rubber hoses." Goodnight.
432
00:21:11,859 --> 00:21:14,875
[cheering]
433
00:21:21,861 --> 00:21:23,760
[indistinct chatter]
434
00:21:23,843 --> 00:21:26,562
You were beautiful!
Sweetie, baby!
435
00:21:26,646 --> 00:21:28,805
Hear that Julie? I've been
promoted to, "Sweetie Baby."
436
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,387
Excuse me, lady.
437
00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:34,713
I'm Eddie Mincer, the owner.
You did a great job tonight.
438
00:21:34,792 --> 00:21:36,434
Well, thank you
very much, Eddie.
439
00:21:36,434 --> 00:21:38,796
Starting Tuesday, I can get you
two weeks in Jersey city
440
00:21:38,796 --> 00:21:40,059
at the Steamy Chips Inn.
441
00:21:40,118 --> 00:21:42,956
- 500 a week.
- 500 a week?
442
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,142
If you do good, after that
I get you Playboy Clubs
443
00:21:45,142 --> 00:21:46,523
colleges, concerts...
444
00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:48,107
I'm really very happy for you.
445
00:21:48,164 --> 00:21:50,535
Inside here. Where it counts.
446
00:21:51,427 --> 00:21:54,591
Wow, that's, that's
a really tempting offer.
447
00:21:54,674 --> 00:21:57,045
[indistinct shouting]
448
00:22:00,643 --> 00:22:01,826
Hi, you guys.
You know something?
449
00:22:01,909 --> 00:22:04,514
I come here a lot and always
wanted to get up on stage.
450
00:22:04,514 --> 00:22:06,734
I'm glad you did.
See you next week.
451
00:22:06,734 --> 00:22:08,717
You've got a great talent.
Don't waste it.
452
00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:12,106
- Hey baby!
- So what do you say, Gaby baby?
453
00:22:13,186 --> 00:22:14,972
Well, I don't know.
This is all happening so fast.
454
00:22:14,972 --> 00:22:18,061
That's, I suppose I could
get a leave of absence.
455
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,407
- Yeah well, come on.
- What do you think, Julie?
456
00:22:20,407 --> 00:22:22,408
Kotter. Kotter, you're over 30.
457
00:22:22,492 --> 00:22:24,477
Come on, take the shot
while you got it.
458
00:22:24,561 --> 00:22:26,690
Yo, Mr. Kotter,
you was terrific.
459
00:22:26,691 --> 00:22:27,491
[indistinct shouting]
460
00:22:27,522 --> 00:22:28,422
[Gabe] Thank you, guys.
461
00:22:28,422 --> 00:22:31,245
You know, this is like
a dream come true for me.
462
00:22:31,328 --> 00:22:33,348
I dreamt that something like
this would one day happen
463
00:22:33,431 --> 00:22:34,693
and I cant believe it.
464
00:22:34,693 --> 00:22:37,196
How many people get to see
their dreams come true?
465
00:22:37,217 --> 00:22:40,339
You know, it's the right move.
I can feel it, here. Inside.
466
00:22:40,422 --> 00:22:44,567
Come on, what do you say?
467
00:22:44,650 --> 00:22:48,211
Well, I guess if you get a
chance to grab at that
468
00:22:48,294 --> 00:22:50,936
brass ring, you better
take it, right?
469
00:22:51,759 --> 00:22:55,630
Alright. Quiet everybody. Quiet.
I have an announcement.
470
00:22:55,713 --> 00:22:59,717
Starting this Tuesday,
for Mr. Gabe Kotter
471
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,992
it's goodbye teaching,
hello show business.
472
00:23:02,992 --> 00:23:05,694
[applause]
473
00:23:05,777 --> 00:23:07,237
♪♪
474
00:23:22,217 --> 00:23:24,175
[Gabe narrating] Is Gabe Kotter serious
about doing stand up comedy?
475
00:23:24,258 --> 00:23:27,723
More important, is he funny
doing stand up comedy?
476
00:23:27,723 --> 00:23:30,863
Will he hit the heights,
the skids or the road?
477
00:23:30,946 --> 00:23:34,789
Will Woodman quit his job and
become a professional heckler?
478
00:23:34,872 --> 00:23:37,532
Has Kotter turned his back
on the Sweathogs?
479
00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:40,837
Now, who will teach
these delightful lads?
480
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,343
Does Julia want this for Gabe?
481
00:23:43,363 --> 00:23:46,845
Can a man make a whole career
out of Epstein's walk...
482
00:23:46,928 --> 00:23:48,388
...Horshack's laugh...
483
00:23:48,770 --> 00:23:51,051
...Barbarino's charm...
484
00:23:51,273 --> 00:23:53,372
...and Washington's cool?
485
00:23:53,997 --> 00:23:57,741
Find out next week on part two
of "Welcome back, Kotter."
486
00:23:58,282 --> 00:24:01,186
Personally, I think
the kid's gonna make it big.
487
00:24:06,507 --> 00:24:09,400
[theme song]
488
00:24:10,335 --> 00:24:13,170
♪ Welcome back ♪
489
00:24:13,253 --> 00:24:16,781
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
490
00:24:16,864 --> 00:24:19,263
♪ Welcome back ♪
491
00:24:19,346 --> 00:24:24,007
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
492
00:24:24,090 --> 00:24:28,141
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
493
00:24:28,225 --> 00:24:30,317
♪ But those dreams
have remained ♪
494
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,886
♪ And they've turned around ♪
495
00:24:32,969 --> 00:24:35,148
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
496
00:24:35,232 --> 00:24:37,150
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
497
00:24:37,234 --> 00:24:39,413
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
498
00:24:39,496 --> 00:24:41,241
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
499
00:24:41,324 --> 00:24:43,243
♪ We tease him a lot ♪
500
00:24:43,326 --> 00:24:45,375
♪ 'Cause we've got him
on the spot ♪
501
00:24:45,458 --> 00:24:47,377
♪ Welcome back ♪
502
00:24:47,460 --> 00:24:49,728
♪ Welcome back
Welcome back ♪
503
00:24:49,811 --> 00:24:51,860
♪ Welcome back ♪
504
00:24:51,944 --> 00:24:53,906
♪ Welcome back
Welcome back ♪
505
00:24:53,989 --> 00:24:56,648
♪ Welcome back ♪
506
00:24:56,732 --> 00:25:00,478
♪ You always could
spot a friend ♪
507
00:25:00,561 --> 00:25:02,871
♪ Welcome back ♪
508
00:25:02,955 --> 00:25:04,652
♪ And I smile when I... ♪♪
38580
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