All language subtitles for Welcome.Back.Kotter.S03E18.Angie.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

- Julie!
- What?

There's an article in here
about my Uncle Zoltan.

Not your famous Uncle Zoltan,
the mad scientist?

Yes, that's what it says here

"Gabe's famous Uncle Zoltan,
the mad scientist

"has just baffled
the whole medical world

"by crossing a lion
and a parrot

and he got something."

Well... um, this thing
that he got.

- Yeah.
- What did it say?

It says,
"Polly wants a zebra."

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old
place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪

Okay, okay, alright.

Now today, I'd like
to talk about

the equal rights amendment.

Now, before we get into that

let's get some background
on the constitution.

Now, who remembers
what the first part

of the constitution is?

Oh, I know it, I know.

[Gabe] Freddie.

Page one.

Open your books
to the constitution.

Alright. Now, what
is the first thing you see?

"Willie loves Edna."

Willie loves Edna.

Yeah, that's what it says
right here.

"Willie loves Edna,
but Edna loves Herman.

Herman loves Lila,
but Lila loves everybody."

Somebody should tell Willie.

Enough, Arnold.

The first part
of the constitution

is called the preamble,
preamble.

The last part is made up
of the amendments.

Now, how were
the amendments created?

I-I can do that,
I know that answer.

Alright, 'member the guy,
he was an old guy

with a big white beard, right?

And-and he goes up
the side of the mountain, right?

And when he gets to the top

he hears a lot of lightning
and thunder

and-and boom!

And then he comes down,
and written on a big rock

he's got the ten amendments.

But you see,
then after, after that

it went to intermission,
I got popcorn.

Vinnie, that's the commandments,
Vinnie, not the amendments

the commandments,
not amendments.

Oh.

Never mind.

Anybody else here wanna
ramble aimlessly for a while?

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Sit down!

That's enough aimless
rambling for today.

- Kotter?
- Now...

Alright, woo-hoo!

[class cheering]

Quiet, quiet!

Kotter, this is a new student.

Angie Grabowski,
transferred from the Bronx.

Angie, Angie!

Alright, quiet down!

Quiet down, or we won't
sweep out your cages.

Now, don't forget, Angie

until the shipment
of mace arrives

my office is just
a scream away.

In the meantime, you've entered
the wild kingdom.

Get that, Kotter,
the wild kingdom.

Hello, Angie,
I'm Marlon Perkins.

Today, we will journey
to the deepest, darkest

jungles of Brooklyn

where you will meet
the Sweathogs

in their natural habitat.

First off,
we have Arnold Horshack.

He's the last
of a dying species.

Yeah... but he ain't dyin'
fast enough.

Hello.

How are ya?

Are you here permanently,
or are you just temporarily here

to drive us crazy?

Next, over here,
we have an Epstein.

Now, he can be dangerous

so you gotta keep your windows
rolled up at all times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I don't understand

what all you cats are gettin'
all bent outta shape about, huh?

I mean, she's just
another beautiful woman

you know what I mean?

Please touch me,
look at me, anything!

Now, the Epstein
can also be very gentle.

In fact, he'll take the food
right out of your hand.

Alright, get out of here.

Hi, my name is Vinnie Barbarino.

And very shortly, you're gonna
start to feel faint

and your knees are gonna
start to buckle

and then, you'll fall
in my arms

- And the, you're gonna--
- Alright, Vinnie, sit down!

Alright, Ralphie baby!

Now, last but not least,
we have the Washington.

Now, he's smooth and suave
and fast.

In fact, he can go
up to 40 miles an hour...

...and that's just
with his mouth.

Hi there.

Well, that's it, Angie,
you met the Sweathogs.

Aw, everyone knows
the Sweathogs.

They're legends,
they're larger than life.

Yeah, everybody except
for Arnold Horshack

he's shorter than life.

Okay, Angie, we were right
in the middle of a lesson.

- So why don't you sit down?
- Sure, Mr. Kotter.

Come sit over with me!

No, no, here!

You know, guys, I think
we're gonna be great friends.

Oh, I certainly hope so.

Oh, I'm great at cheating.

Did you ever try
writing the answers

down the front of your dress?

No, but I'd gladly erase 'em
for you anytime you need it.

Oh, I'm great
at hot-wiring cars.

Hey, baby, I can sneeze at will.

- Oh, but I can also--
- Angie, come on!

I'm sorry, Mr. Kotter,
but please don't spoil it.

This is, really,
my greatest moment.

Your greatest moment?

Yeah... this is the moment
that Angie Grabowski

becomes a Sweathog.

But, Angie, you're a girl.

Hey, Freddie,
I don't remember us

ever havin' a girl
in the Sweathogs.

Yeah.

Well, couldn't you
start with me?

Look, Angie baby...

I would like
to start somethin' with you

but this ain't it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you should know that.

- Girls can't become guys.
- That's right.

That's why they have
separate washrooms.

We do?

Well, couldn't you at least
make me an exception?

Look, um, Angie's
the name, right?

Yeah.

Lemme, lemme put this to you

in a different kind
of way... forget it!

Alright, now, no exceptions.

We start this up,
and pretty soon

they'll be call the Sweathogs
Vienna Girl Choir.

- But, guys, you just don't--
- Baloney!

[bell ringing]

Hey, guys, what do you
feel like doing?

- You feel like shooting pool?
- Okay.

Nah, we shot pool yesterday,
let's go to a movie.

Okay.

No, man, we should do
some stuff outdoors.

We can go over
to the George Washington bridge

and hope that somebody jumps.

Nah, it's too cold outside.

Yeah, Angie's right.

It's too cold outside
for anything like that.

Oh my, what did I say?

Hey, who asked you?

Well, I'm sorry
if I spoke out of turn.

I-I'm just kinda new
to the Sweathogs.

- Look, Angie Grombaslewski.
- Grabowski.

Well, whatever your name
is, sweetheart.

Now, look, for the last time

sittin' in that classroom
over there don't make you

no Sweathog, understand?

Yeah.

Yeah, you see, the Sweathogs
ain't a club.

It's a state of mind.

But I wanna be a Sweathog,
I can do anything you guys can.

Oh?

Can you pick up girls?

Well, no.

Neither can I.

What's the matter with you guys,
this is the 20th century!

Haven't you heard
that women have been liberated?

How do you like that,
huh, Vinnie?

I mean, I miss
the 11 o'clock news one night

I don't know what's goin' on!

Hey, look... Angie,
that's your name?

You gotta earn your way
into the Sweathogs...

look at me baby, I'm talkin'.

My lips, they movin',
understand... alright.

Now look, it ain't easy.

Now you take Arnold Horshack
over there, for instance.

Now, how you think
he became a Sweathog?

How did he become a Sweathog?

I don't know... during
the membership drive.

Come on!

He's got a point there... well,
anyway, look.

You wanna be in the Sweathogs,
you gots to prove yourself.

But how can I?

- Well, one thing that you--
- Don't worry about it.

[commotion]

- I'll talk to you later.
- No, he won't talk.

Alright, alright, alright,
up-down, up-down, hey, hey, hey.

- Alright.
- Thank you.

Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie,
Vinnie, here we go.

- You know something?
- Yeah.

Them Bronx people,
them people in the Bronx

they weird, man.

Of course, they're weird,
you know?

Comes from living
in the weirderness, oh yeah.

Yeah, I had a cousin of mine
went up to the Bronx once.

Came back with some real
horror stories.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

Took some picture of some
lions and tiger and bears.

[in unison] Oh my!

- Lions and tigers and bears.
- Oh my!

- Lions and tigers and bears.
- Oh my!

Yeah, well, I don't think
that that Angie's weird at all.

You know, comin'
from you, Horshack

that don't mean nothin'.

Well, what is so weird
about worshiping Sweathogs

all your life?

I think I'll forget
I asked that.

Guys, pull up a seat,
I got something to tell you.

Now, you see, I've got a plan
that could get rid

of this Angie baby for good.

What we're gonna do is I'll take
her home to my house, right

and lock her in a room
with my mother.

You know what's gonna
happen, right?

In two hours' time,
that Angie Grabowski, right

she's gonna come out sister
Angelina Theresa Philharmonica.

- Guaranteed.
- Alright!

Okay, who did it?

Which one of you did it?

Hey, Mr. Woodman,
didn't they tell you?

The wet look is out.

Mr. Woodman, Mr. Woodman,
Mr. Woodman... oh.

How many times
do we gotta tell you?

First, you take your clothes
off, then you take your shower.

Now say it with me
first, you take your...

First, you take... come on!

One of you thieves set off
the sprinkler system

in my office.

Freddie, did you do that?
That's a great idea.

Wait a minute, man,
wait a minute

I ain't did nothin'.

Well, someone here did.

Only a Sweathog
would stoop so low.

Uh, I didn't stoop, Mr. Woodman.

I stood on a chair.

You?

Oh, how cute.

Convincing her,
convincing her to take the blame

for something you did,
what do you take me for

some kind of sap?

Well, you are drippin'.

Well, it won't work.

And when Principal Lazarus
hears what you did

you have my promise, every one
of you will be expelled

by tomorrow morning!

Expel me too, Mr. Woodman,
just expel me too.

Angie...

...what did you go
and do that for?

Well, I was just tryin'
to prove myself.

Oh yeah, sure, sure... you proved
that we can all get expelled.

Well, I'll get myself
expelled too, I promise.

It's just hard being
one of the Sweathogs.

We gotta stick together.

All for one and one for all.

Angie, go do me a favor,
will ya?

Go gargle with glue.

Yeah, then try hanging
from a ceiling...

...by your tongue.

Come on, Arnold,
let's go, come on.

Guys, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- I'm coming.
- Right now.

Yeah, you're right
Sweathogs don't cry.

Hey, Mr. Kotter,
Mr. Kotter, Mr. Kotter-er-er!

Listen, I thought that maybe
you could help Angie out.

She's in a lot of trouble.

Yes, I heard.

Angie, how'd you do that
it only took you four hours.

I think that's a new
school record.

Look, Mr. Kotter, you see,
I thought that maybe

you could give her
a little advice

how to become a Sweathog
the proper way, you know

like you taught me, remember?

Well, all I taught Arnold, Angie

was you gotta be yourself.

That's right.

And when that didn't work

I told him to be somebody else.

Oh, come on... help her.

Okay, Angie's problem
is a little different, Arnold.

Come over here to my office,
right over here.

Right this way.

Angie, what you were doing

was your old, basic
trying too hard.

I mean, you really
wanted to be accepted

and you got everybody
in a lot of trouble

and Woodman get all wet.

Not that he wasn't
in the first place.

Yeah, I guess I was just
trying much too hard.

Yeah.

Lemme tell you a little story.

Oh, I love stories, Mr. Kotter.

You do?

Yeah, especially ones about
relatives and aunts and uncles.

Angie, we're gonna
get along really well.

As a matter of fact,
that's all you're gonna hear.

He has more uncles
than Alex Haley.

Well, I wanna hear it anyway.

Alright, but this one's
not about my uncle.

It's about a guy
I went to school with.

His name was Bullets Bernstein.

Now, bullets wanted
to be a Sweathog

more than anything in the world,
so what he did is

he tried to act tough.

Come to school every day
with his hair slicked back

leather coat, try and pick
fights with people.

[deep voice] Started to talk like this...
"Hey, I wanna be a Sweathog.

I wanna be a Sweathog, yeah,
I wanna be a Sweathog."

Well, did he get
into the Sweathogs?

No... no one could understand
what he was sayin'.

But, Angie, do you understand?

Mr. Kotter, if she says yes,
will you stop?

Say yes, Angie.

- Yes.
- Boy, she learns fast!

- Lemme tell you another story.
- No, no, Mr. Kotter.

That was a terrific story,
you helped her so much.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, Mr. Kotter.

There is it...
oh no, that ain't it.

Try it again?

Boy, Mr. Kotter's
really a funny guy.

Yeah, he sure is funny,
ain't he?

If only his jokes were.

Oh, Horshack, I didn't know
you were so smooth.

What?

I didn't know you was a traitor.

That's right, Arnold
as in "Benedict."

Hey, listen, you guys,
I was just trying

to help Angie out here.

Yeah, yeah, well, I'd like
to know who let her in here.

Will you come on, little Juan?

I'm sure that Angie realizes
that it is not as easy

to become as Sweathog
as she thought, alright?

Yeah, I just want you guys
to like me, that's all.

Listen, listen to me.

You have given us
the greatest honor yet.

[in unison] Arnold, what are you
talkin' about?

Well, she got us expelled,
that's gotta be worth something.

Expelled?

Hey, well, I ain't never
figured myself to be expelled.

I mean, drop out gracefully,
or honorably demoted, maybe.

But completely
expelled... I mean, that was

that was just a crazy dream.

Yeah, come on, come on, Angie.

To pull a stunt like that,
I don't know...

...it's bizarre.

Yeah... you know what, Angie?

You see, our stunts always
had two things.

That was, they were original,
and two, they have no evidence.

We're so smart.

Like the time
we put the kitty litter

in Mr. Woodman's hairspray?

For two weeks, he thought
he had impacted dandruff.

See, Angie?

Your stunt was purely
amateur night.

Well, yeah, I know.

I thought it would be
a lot noisier than it was.

You mean, more than the screams
of a man drowning

in his own suit?

I thought the fire alarms
were supposed to go off too.

Hey, wait a minute.

The fire alarms
were supposed to go off.

You know, you're right.

If there was a fire, man,
we woulda all been fried.

Hm, well, who's
responsible for that?

Three guesses,
our little white-haired friend.

[in unison] Woodman.

[bullhorn sounding]

[Arnold] Make a way. Make a way.

Alright, alright.

You don't need a weatherman to
know which way the wind blows.

Epstein, what's going on here?

Stand back, we may have
to build a firewall here.

Alright, get on with it.

Alright.

What'd you do that for?

- Because!
- Because why?

Because I didn't
want you to see

Dolores Delvecchio's
phone number, that's why.

Alright, alright.

What are you doing
dressed up like a fireman?

What are you doing dressed up
like a vice principal?

Wait a minute, I worked years
for my credentials.

You probably stood
in the wrong line.

Ready with the report
from the men's room, sir.

Angie!

You went in a men's room?

Oh, it's alright,
I kept my eyes closed.

Alright, any violations
on the code there.

No, but I just sunk
the tidy bowl man.

What is going on,
there's no fire here.

Well, how would you know?

It's simple,
we have a fire alarm.

Right.

Break it, Freddie.

Alright, alright.

I got this pitch here
from Hank Aaron, personally.

Wait a minute,
you can't do that.

Sure I can.

Pull it, Freddie.

No!

If he pulls that handle,
the alarm will go off

all over the school.

Oh.

Pull it, Freddie.

Mr. Woodman, it doesn't work.

- Mr. Woodman...
- I can't hear you.

The sound of that alarm
is deafening!

- It doesn't work.
- What?

Now, I just wonder
whose responsibility it is

to make sure
that that fire alarm system

is operational, Mr. Woodman.

It's not mine,
I'm just a student

pretending to be a fire chief.

Yeah, and it's not mine,
you know why?

'Cause I'm just a student
pretendin' to be a student.

Yeah, and I don't know
about me, I'm just a tin man.

How was I supposed to know
it was defective?

Well, you'd better
come up with an answer

before the next school board
meeting, Mr. Woodman.

Well, now, come on,
there's no reason

why they have to find
out about it.

Oh, no reason at all,
unless we get expelled.

This is blackmail.

Do you prefer
the term "Extortion"?

Alright, alright, alright.

Go get out of those
stupid outfits.

You, give me that.

- No.
- Oh, oh!

Here, here you go,
take it, it's yours.

Mr. Woodman,
I've seen you mad before

but I've never seen you
foaming at the suit.

I don't believe it... two suits
in two days.

Well, Mr. Woodman,
they came with two sets

of pants, didn't they?

Yeah.

So wear one of the sets
of pants as a top tomorrow.

Don't be so stupid
they don't match!

Alright, first of all

I do not want a ticket
to the firemen's ball.

Second of all,
what's going on here?

Hey, Mr. Kotter,
everything's cool.

We saved... the school.

You did, huh?

How'd you get Woodman to resign?

No, Mr. Kotter, we just
got Mr. Woodman to realize

that the fire alarm system
don't work.

Look, I don't care, you...
It really didn't work?

Take a look over there.

We pulled the lever down,
nothing happened.

Well, look, I really
don't approve of your methods

but if the system
wasn't working, uh

you did a worthwhile thing.

Hey, Mr. Kotter, it was Angie
that done it, though.

That's right man, she did nice!

Thanks a lot, Arnold.

If it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't be a Sweathog.

Well, it was worth it!

Wait a second... who said
that she was a Sweathog?

That's right, you gotta
remember now

consider yourself
with the lowest of the low.

[Vinnie] Yeah.

Well, what does that mean?

I think, Angie, that means they
just made you a Sweathog, right?

Alright, baby!

Mr. Woodman, did I ever tell you
about my Uncle Ebenezer Kotter?

Ebenezer Kotter.

He was the cheapest man
in the world.

- Cheapest man in the world.
- That's right.

One time, he was
reading a newspaper

he sees an ad,
color televisions, $40 each

for the first five
people in line.

So you know what he does,
he's so cheap?

He goes there the night before
and he camps out

in front of
the department store.

Waiting there all night.

He's third in line,
there are two people

even cheaper than him.

Next morning, he stands up

little man tries
to walk in front of him.

He says, "Hey, you,
get to the back of the line."

two minutes later,
the same little man

tries to get in front of him.

He said, "I thought I told you
to get to the back of the line."

little guys says, "Okay,
but who's gonna open the store?"

Who's gonna open the store...

...it was the owner,
couldn't open the store.

Oh, he's the owner,
ha-ha-ha, I get it!

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪♪