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1
00:00:00,950 --> 00:00:02,840
- Hey, Julie!
- What, Gabe?
2
00:00:02,923 --> 00:00:04,838
Did I ever tell you
about my Uncle Arnold?
3
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:06,888
Wasn't he the one who needed
a hearing aid?
4
00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:09,957
No, no, no. He was the one
who needed a hearing aid.
5
00:00:09,957 --> 00:00:13,122
Like one of
his relatives I know.
6
00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:14,844
Yeah, well, anyway,
my Uncle Arnold
7
00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:16,409
buys this expensive hearing aid.
8
00:00:16,428 --> 00:00:18,009
And he's showing it
to his friend Saul.
9
00:00:18,092 --> 00:00:19,294
He says, "Saul, this is
10
00:00:19,294 --> 00:00:20,861
"the greatest hearing aid
on the market.
11
00:00:20,917 --> 00:00:22,721
"Boy, can you hear things
with this hearing aid.
12
00:00:22,741 --> 00:00:25,624
"It's terrific. A wonderful
invention, this hearing aid."
13
00:00:25,707 --> 00:00:27,708
His friend Saul says,
"What kind is it?"
14
00:00:27,791 --> 00:00:30,713
My uncle says,
"It's a quarter to 3:00."
15
00:00:34,669 --> 00:00:37,171
[theme song]
16
00:00:42,198 --> 00:00:44,900
♪ Welcome back ♪
17
00:00:44,983 --> 00:00:48,730
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
18
00:00:48,813 --> 00:00:50,950
♪ Welcome back ♪
19
00:00:51,033 --> 00:00:55,563
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
20
00:00:55,646 --> 00:01:00,133
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
21
00:01:00,216 --> 00:01:04,746
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
22
00:01:04,829 --> 00:01:07,083
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
23
00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:08,868
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
24
00:01:08,951 --> 00:01:10,913
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
25
00:01:10,996 --> 00:01:13,046
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
26
00:01:13,129 --> 00:01:17,268
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
27
00:01:17,351 --> 00:01:19,444
♪ Welcome back ♪
28
00:01:19,527 --> 00:01:25,010
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪♪
29
00:01:27,578 --> 00:01:29,863
[theme music]
30
00:01:39,895 --> 00:01:41,355
[Gabe] Julie!
31
00:01:43,681 --> 00:01:45,263
I found the rest
of the decorations.
32
00:01:45,346 --> 00:01:47,467
Got some more tinsels...
33
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,310
- Uh-oh.
- What?
34
00:01:50,393 --> 00:01:54,097
I think I put 'em a little
too close to the heater.
35
00:01:55,259 --> 00:02:00,155
Oh, honey. The three wise men
all melted together.
36
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:06,496
Yeah, well, just think of 'em
now as, uh, one wise blob.
37
00:02:08,797 --> 00:02:12,419
On Hanukkah I didn't melt
your menorah, Gabe.
38
00:02:12,898 --> 00:02:15,278
Oh, come on, honey.
39
00:02:15,361 --> 00:02:18,883
This is the first Christmas Eve
when we've all been together.
40
00:02:18,966 --> 00:02:24,667
Just you... me... the babies...
41
00:02:24,763 --> 00:02:26,395
[knock on door]
42
00:02:27,177 --> 00:02:28,983
...and the door.
43
00:02:29,978 --> 00:02:31,179
It's supposed to be
Christmas Eve.
44
00:02:31,262 --> 00:02:34,204
Not even a creature's
supposed to be stirring.
45
00:02:39,328 --> 00:02:41,730
You're not gonna believe
what's coming in the door.
46
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:46,012
Whoo-ho-ho-ho!
Ho! Ho! Ho!
47
00:02:47,821 --> 00:02:51,977
Merry Christmas
and a bad New Year.
48
00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:56,352
I'm Arnold,
the littlest reindeer.
49
00:02:56,352 --> 00:03:00,415
And I am here to spread
some seasonal cheer.
50
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,710
Boy, pullin' that sled up
them stairs.
51
00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,822
That's-that's murder.
52
00:03:06,905 --> 00:03:09,008
I-I don't know
how Santa Claus does it.
53
00:03:09,091 --> 00:03:12,076
Well, that's why Hanukkah's
a better holiday, you know.
54
00:03:12,076 --> 00:03:14,712
At least you get eight days
for delivery.
55
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,477
Yeah. Well, I'm tired
of being Bambi.
56
00:03:19,207 --> 00:03:21,166
I'm gonna be Santa Claus now.
57
00:03:21,249 --> 00:03:23,032
Alright, Vinnie,
you can be Santa
58
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:25,115
right after we stop off
at my house.
59
00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:28,858
And remember, ain't everybody
dreaming of a white Christmas.
60
00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:33,794
You know, guys,
it's times like this Christmas.
61
00:03:33,877 --> 00:03:37,860
We're all together and... just
thinking about it I realize
62
00:03:37,943 --> 00:03:39,044
how close we've all gotten
63
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:42,646
and how much
we all mean to each other.
64
00:03:42,729 --> 00:03:45,970
Hey, Horshack!
Big news flash.
65
00:03:46,053 --> 00:03:47,793
You're short!
66
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,619
You too, munchkin.
67
00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:54,802
The whole room is short!
68
00:03:55,224 --> 00:03:56,855
Hi, there.
69
00:03:58,754 --> 00:04:00,594
When I'm in that classroom,
I think of myself
70
00:04:00,677 --> 00:04:03,570
as a missionary
among savages in New Guinea.
71
00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:07,965
Come on, guess who's coming
to dinner.
72
00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:10,247
Okay, what're you cooking?
73
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:13,202
My world famous
tuna casserole.
74
00:04:13,274 --> 00:04:16,177
It's nobody that
we ever want to see again.
75
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:19,900
Vinnie,
this report card's soggy.
76
00:04:19,984 --> 00:04:22,505
My mother cried on it.
77
00:04:23,208 --> 00:04:25,871
- Hi, there.
- Hi, there, buddy.
78
00:04:25,954 --> 00:04:28,282
- Hey, buddy.
- Where's your report card?
79
00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:29,674
Oh, my report card,
well, you see I don't happen to
80
00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:33,299
have it right here handy.
81
00:04:33,382 --> 00:04:37,425
You know, Horshack's a very old
and respected name.
82
00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:42,214
It means,
"The cattle are dying."
83
00:04:44,727 --> 00:04:46,513
Have you bitten
anybody lately?
84
00:04:46,596 --> 00:04:48,215
Oh, you know
how it is in China, boss.
85
00:04:48,298 --> 00:04:49,717
You bite somebody,
two hours later
86
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,900
you wanna bite him again, huh!
87
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:53,294
Hey, that's pretty good.
88
00:04:53,378 --> 00:04:56,281
They do a lot of pretending
in that class.
89
00:04:58,087 --> 00:05:01,524
They pretend to be students,
he pretends to be a teacher.
90
00:05:02,075 --> 00:05:05,458
You lovemy tuna casserole.
91
00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:09,888
No! Youlove
your tuna casserole.
92
00:05:09,971 --> 00:05:13,475
Nobody puts prunes
in a tuna casserole.
93
00:05:15,611 --> 00:05:19,379
- You makin' fun of me?
- What?
94
00:05:19,462 --> 00:05:20,904
Well, listen,
I got something to tell you.
95
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,810
Your sister, Juan,
your sister.
96
00:05:22,893 --> 00:05:23,848
Oh, yeah?
97
00:05:23,931 --> 00:05:27,153
Forget my sister.
Your mother.
98
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,575
Not my mother.
That woman's a saint.
99
00:05:30,659 --> 00:05:32,118
Oh, yeah?
100
00:05:32,661 --> 00:05:35,685
The light around the head
don't fool me.
101
00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:38,538
Hey, Vinnie!
102
00:05:39,294 --> 00:05:40,974
They tell me your mother--
103
00:05:41,057 --> 00:05:43,212
Alright, alright, alright!
104
00:05:44,956 --> 00:05:46,674
Hi, there.
105
00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:51,657
Yeah, hi-hi there.
Whe-where's you notebook?
106
00:05:51,741 --> 00:05:56,114
My notebook? Well, I just don't
happen to have it here handy.
107
00:05:58,169 --> 00:05:59,611
I am ready, Kotter,
to see you
108
00:05:59,611 --> 00:06:02,990
make a complete
and utter fool of yourself.
109
00:06:03,073 --> 00:06:05,184
[mumbling]
110
00:06:07,421 --> 00:06:10,981
I tried something new
with the tuna casserole.
111
00:06:11,065 --> 00:06:14,438
The hard things
are coffee beans.
112
00:06:17,070 --> 00:06:21,960
Hey, Kotter, up your nose
with a rubber hose.
113
00:06:22,043 --> 00:06:24,666
Up your nose
with a rubber hose!
114
00:06:24,666 --> 00:06:26,850
Up your nose
with a rubber hose.
115
00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:28,810
Why don't you take
one end of a rubber hose
116
00:06:28,892 --> 00:06:30,765
and put it in your mouth.
117
00:06:30,815 --> 00:06:33,905
And then, you take the other,
and you put it up your nose.
118
00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:37,823
And then you blow
till your brains fall out!
119
00:06:37,906 --> 00:06:40,542
They can't be allowed
to mingle with people.
120
00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:45,414
Take them to the zoo,
so they can see family.
121
00:06:50,351 --> 00:06:51,993
What do you guys
got to eat?
122
00:06:52,076 --> 00:06:54,760
Here, Vinnie, why don't you have
some of this nice fruit cake
123
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,235
that my mother sent us.
124
00:06:56,318 --> 00:06:58,080
Oh. Oh, no. I couldn't eat that.
125
00:06:58,164 --> 00:06:59,847
No, they get stuck in my teeth.
126
00:06:59,847 --> 00:07:05,039
Yeah, that last time I ate it,
I couldn't get it out for weeks.
127
00:07:05,123 --> 00:07:07,734
You got, you got
those-those cookies?
128
00:07:07,817 --> 00:07:09,820
The kind that's shaped in little
Santa Clauses and little bells
129
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:12,020
with little candies on 'em.
Little candy buttons.
130
00:07:12,103 --> 00:07:13,978
Oh, they're delicious!
131
00:07:14,062 --> 00:07:15,308
Vinnie, by now
I would think you'd learn
132
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:17,351
to settle for what we have.
133
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:18,653
Remember what happened
the last time
134
00:07:18,736 --> 00:07:21,577
you tried to ask
for something else?
135
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:25,223
Strawberry tarts. You like
strawberry tarts, Vinnie?
136
00:07:25,986 --> 00:07:27,446
They're alright.
137
00:07:29,571 --> 00:07:31,274
Look, Julie, you know when
the Sweathogs
138
00:07:31,274 --> 00:07:32,674
have a problem.
you know how that makes me--
139
00:07:32,674 --> 00:07:34,534
You got chocolate pudding?
140
00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:37,228
We don't have any
chocolate pudding, do we, Julie?
141
00:07:37,311 --> 00:07:38,403
No. We don't have any.
142
00:07:38,486 --> 00:07:39,856
We don't have any
chocolate pudding.
143
00:07:39,856 --> 00:07:41,798
They've a problem and they won't
talk to each other
144
00:07:41,881 --> 00:07:43,625
If they won't talk to each other
I can't teach 'em anything.
145
00:07:43,645 --> 00:07:45,607
And if I can't teach 'em
anything I just get cranky.
146
00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:47,294
- I know, honey--
- How 'bout spumoni?
147
00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:49,275
You got spumoni?
148
00:07:49,999 --> 00:07:51,220
Do we have any ice cream?
149
00:07:51,303 --> 00:07:54,123
No. We have tarts, Vinnie.
150
00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:57,205
Tarts. That's it!
151
00:07:57,288 --> 00:07:58,990
Look, I know that, honey
152
00:07:58,990 --> 00:08:01,152
but when you keep making jokes
about my tuna--
153
00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:04,070
How 'bout Danish?
You got, like, cherry Danish?
154
00:08:04,071 --> 00:08:07,014
Nice cherry Danish.
155
00:08:07,097 --> 00:08:09,419
Vinnie, look, you wanna
have dessert, have a tart.
156
00:08:09,439 --> 00:08:11,180
If you don't wanna have a tart,
don't have anything.
157
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,200
That's all we have, okay?
158
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,359
- It's tarts.
- Okay.
159
00:08:13,442 --> 00:08:15,139
Julie, when you say things about
my jokes
160
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:16,485
you know how that makes me feel.
161
00:08:16,505 --> 00:08:17,506
It wouldn't have to be cherry
162
00:08:17,506 --> 00:08:18,784
it could be like, you know
163
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,961
prune or cheese.
164
00:08:21,044 --> 00:08:23,416
We could send out.
165
00:08:26,836 --> 00:08:29,196
Wanna know what the biggest joke
in this house is?
166
00:08:29,279 --> 00:08:30,610
- What?
- Your tuna casserole.
167
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:32,903
If you just wouldn't make
tuna casserole anymore--
168
00:08:32,923 --> 00:08:38,969
Gabe, you wanna know what
I think about your Uncle Abdul?
169
00:08:49,842 --> 00:08:51,061
I can't believe you did that,
Julie.
170
00:08:51,144 --> 00:08:52,993
[Julie] Believe it.
171
00:08:55,389 --> 00:08:58,952
Wanna know what I think
about your family, Julie?
172
00:08:59,488 --> 00:09:02,796
I have something I'd like you
to send back to Nebraska.
173
00:09:02,879 --> 00:09:04,819
Special delivery.
174
00:09:13,413 --> 00:09:17,961
How about espresso?
You got some nice espresso?
175
00:09:19,247 --> 00:09:22,789
My mother, my mother,
she always gives espresso.
176
00:09:22,872 --> 00:09:24,972
Only the finest.
177
00:09:31,783 --> 00:09:34,707
Oh, very funny.
Big joke, right?
178
00:09:34,790 --> 00:09:36,407
That almost got me killed.
179
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:39,315
- Hell, it was only a tart.
- Only a tart?
180
00:09:39,398 --> 00:09:41,438
Do you know, do you have
any idea what it's like
181
00:09:41,521 --> 00:09:43,504
to walk through Brooklyn
in the middle of the night
182
00:09:43,504 --> 00:09:46,003
with whipped cream
on your eyebrows?
183
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,610
Hey, man. But, Mrs. Kotter,
Vinnie's right, man.
184
00:09:48,693 --> 00:09:51,134
A person gotta be careful
where they walk in Brooklyn.
185
00:09:51,217 --> 00:09:52,177
I ain't lyin'. You ain't...
186
00:09:52,178 --> 00:09:53,477
You never know
what could happen to you.
187
00:09:53,478 --> 00:09:54,760
It's just like that time...
188
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,282
Remember that time when I went
to the other side of town
189
00:09:56,365 --> 00:09:59,919
and that rival gang
came up on top of me?
190
00:10:00,002 --> 00:10:01,482
Where've you been,
Freddie?
191
00:10:01,564 --> 00:10:03,305
Oh, man, I had some trouble.
192
00:10:03,388 --> 00:10:04,690
- Hey, you okay?
- What happened?
193
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,575
Hey, man, those guys
over at Nyutrix
194
00:10:06,576 --> 00:10:08,320
said that I invaded their turf.
195
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,541
- Well, did you?
- No, not exactly.
196
00:10:11,542 --> 00:10:14,304
Actually, I invaded
Pearl Jackson.
197
00:10:14,575 --> 00:10:16,035
Oh.
198
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,013
Unfortunately,
she happens to live
199
00:10:18,013 --> 00:10:19,713
right in the middle
of their turf.
200
00:10:19,796 --> 00:10:21,008
But y'all don't worry.
201
00:10:21,018 --> 00:10:22,861
Ol' boomer knows
how to take care of himself.
202
00:10:22,861 --> 00:10:26,320
See, man, I got surrounded
by these seven big, bad--
203
00:10:26,746 --> 00:10:28,748
Wait, wait, wait a second.
Wait a second.
204
00:10:28,831 --> 00:10:30,273
There were seven of 'em?
205
00:10:30,273 --> 00:10:33,079
There were seven or two.
I don't know.
206
00:10:33,999 --> 00:10:36,401
Anyway, I look 'em
right in the eye
207
00:10:36,484 --> 00:10:40,528
and then I say,
"Hi, there."
208
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:46,356
They don't say nothin'.
209
00:10:46,439 --> 00:10:48,263
They just look at me mean.
210
00:10:48,263 --> 00:10:51,587
So I holds my ground, and I look
them straight back in the eye
211
00:10:51,670 --> 00:10:54,113
one more time
and then I say to them
212
00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:55,656
"Bye, there."
213
00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:00,189
Hey, well, you guys
214
00:11:00,189 --> 00:11:01,509
you probably didn't know it
at the time
215
00:11:01,592 --> 00:11:04,856
but... I-I was scared.
216
00:11:04,929 --> 00:11:06,453
Oh, come on. You're kidding?
217
00:11:06,511 --> 00:11:08,813
Yeah, you know,
when those guys from Nyutrix
218
00:11:08,896 --> 00:11:10,593
really put the scare
into Freddie?
219
00:11:10,676 --> 00:11:14,984
- Yeah. He ran home.
- Nah.
220
00:11:15,045 --> 00:11:18,849
We almost got into fisticuffs
with Carvelli and his gang.
221
00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:24,857
Looks like we don't
have to go to the dance.
222
00:11:24,940 --> 00:11:27,029
Here's the entertainment
committee.
223
00:11:27,112 --> 00:11:28,754
I didn't think
they was gonna show up.
224
00:11:28,826 --> 00:11:32,529
Alright.
Who's the leader here?
225
00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:44,531
Ah, we heard you Sweathogs...
226
00:11:44,614 --> 00:11:46,866
...was lookin' for us.
227
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:51,177
So, uh, we thought we'd
make ourselves easy to find.
228
00:11:58,525 --> 00:12:00,667
You got a disease?
229
00:12:03,710 --> 00:12:05,951
Was you lookin' for us?
230
00:12:06,453 --> 00:12:07,913
What?
231
00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:13,177
Was you... lookin...
232
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,736
...for us?
233
00:12:17,499 --> 00:12:18,959
Where?
234
00:12:20,302 --> 00:12:23,100
I thought we was remedial.
235
00:12:23,183 --> 00:12:25,686
Hey, enough of this
lip service here.
236
00:12:25,769 --> 00:12:27,451
I came here
for some action.
237
00:12:27,451 --> 00:12:31,155
Who's the first guy who wants
to lose control of his face?
238
00:12:32,677 --> 00:12:35,036
- Will you cool it?
- Who is this guy?
239
00:12:35,119 --> 00:12:37,861
Him? He's our teacher.
240
00:12:46,047 --> 00:12:47,507
Your teacher?
241
00:12:48,929 --> 00:12:51,394
It's a tough school.
242
00:12:51,514 --> 00:12:53,614
- Alright. Let's go.
- No, wait!
243
00:12:53,887 --> 00:12:55,709
Alright, now you can start.
244
00:12:55,792 --> 00:12:58,429
I don't like to watch him
dismember people.
245
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,758
That's the oldest punk
I ever saw.
246
00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,477
You a senior?
247
00:13:13,484 --> 00:13:15,695
I'm the vice principal.
248
00:13:15,778 --> 00:13:17,960
Vice principal!
249
00:13:19,182 --> 00:13:21,640
This isa tough school.
250
00:13:22,946 --> 00:13:25,368
Hey, Mr. Kotter, is it true that
you was one of the tough guys
251
00:13:25,368 --> 00:13:27,287
when you was in school?
252
00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:31,031
- Well... I could hold my own.
- Yeah?
253
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:33,377
Well, Frankie Brown's brother
told me that you was in a fight
254
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:36,799
with one of the toughest
guys in school. What happened?
255
00:13:38,422 --> 00:13:42,046
Hey, you know, this is a good
time to open the presents.
256
00:13:42,129 --> 00:13:44,658
[indistinct chatter]
257
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,083
This one's for Epstein.
There you go.
258
00:13:47,104 --> 00:13:50,246
Washington.
There you are.
259
00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:52,471
- Horshack.
- Oh, another one for Arnold.
260
00:13:55,814 --> 00:13:59,941
Aw, thanks, fellas.
A planter in the shape of a cow.
261
00:14:00,024 --> 00:14:05,166
Yeah, when you water it, you're
not gonna believe how it drains.
262
00:14:05,631 --> 00:14:07,403
[knock on door]
263
00:14:07,486 --> 00:14:09,282
Well, thanks a lot, Juan.
264
00:14:09,365 --> 00:14:10,887
That's the kind
of presents I like.
265
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,385
Things I would never
buy for myself.
266
00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:19,258
Oh, look who it is.
It's Santa Fraud.
267
00:14:20,038 --> 00:14:21,259
I mean, uh, Santa Claus.
268
00:14:21,342 --> 00:14:25,544
Ho ho ho!
And a Merry Christmas.
269
00:14:25,627 --> 00:14:27,847
I'm sorry, Mr. Woodman,
but, um, you're a little late
270
00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:29,715
because Santa Claus,
he's already here.
271
00:14:29,772 --> 00:14:31,231
Check him out. Alright!
272
00:14:31,314 --> 00:14:34,261
Hey, that's right, Mr. Woodman.
273
00:14:34,281 --> 00:14:36,703
Anyway, you look
more like an elf.
274
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,544
Oh, yeah?
275
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,625
Hey, Barbarino.
276
00:14:40,708 --> 00:14:43,929
Up your nose
with some mistletoe.
277
00:14:44,012 --> 00:14:47,076
Alright, come on.
Cut it out.
278
00:14:47,076 --> 00:14:49,556
Remember what happened
last time you guys had a fight?
279
00:14:49,557 --> 00:14:50,496
Ooh, yeah.
280
00:14:50,579 --> 00:14:52,820
This your locker,
Barbarino?
281
00:14:53,342 --> 00:14:54,802
What?
282
00:14:56,305 --> 00:14:58,893
This locker.
Is this your locker?
283
00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:00,870
Where?
284
00:15:02,050 --> 00:15:03,111
What! Where!
285
00:15:03,151 --> 00:15:05,731
Barbarino, the only reason
you've got a head
286
00:15:05,814 --> 00:15:08,575
is to separate your ears.
287
00:15:08,993 --> 00:15:11,147
[both] Ooh! Oh!
288
00:15:12,622 --> 00:15:13,622
Separate...
289
00:15:13,642 --> 00:15:15,444
I think Mr. Woodman
just ranked you.
290
00:15:15,464 --> 00:15:17,145
Well, can I rank him back
without getting in trouble?
291
00:15:17,145 --> 00:15:18,941
Can I do that?
292
00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:21,087
I don't know.
Can he do that?
293
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,073
Sure. I used to be
pretty good at this.
294
00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:28,956
Go ahead. Give me
your best shot, clam breath.
295
00:15:28,956 --> 00:15:31,763
[laughing]
296
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:34,767
And I won't
get in no trouble.
297
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:38,074
- No.
- You mean it?
298
00:15:38,095 --> 00:15:41,016
Sure, I mean it,
pepperoni puss!
299
00:15:43,802 --> 00:15:47,567
Well, listen,
you snow-cap leprechaun.
300
00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:52,285
You look like somebody
played Danny Boy in your face
301
00:15:52,334 --> 00:15:54,495
with an ugly stick.
302
00:15:55,068 --> 00:15:56,278
[all] Ooh!
303
00:15:56,361 --> 00:15:58,450
That's very funny, Barbarino.
304
00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:01,447
That's so funny you can
stay after school for two weeks.
305
00:16:01,529 --> 00:16:03,141
[indistinct chatter]
306
00:16:03,224 --> 00:16:04,759
Just wait a second.
307
00:16:04,842 --> 00:16:07,163
Mr. Woodman, you told him
that it was alright.
308
00:16:07,246 --> 00:16:09,704
Just cool it, brillo head.
309
00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:14,809
Boy, you know,
it's really dumb to fight.
310
00:16:15,397 --> 00:16:18,219
Who you callin' dumb?
311
00:16:18,302 --> 00:16:21,392
Hey, Vinnie, come on,
I didn't mean nothin' by it.
312
00:16:21,475 --> 00:16:24,131
It's just very good advice.
313
00:16:24,162 --> 00:16:26,555
And after what I went through,
I'm lucky I got a mouth
314
00:16:26,626 --> 00:16:28,728
to be able to say it.
315
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:32,532
You don't scare us,
Carvelli.
316
00:16:32,615 --> 00:16:34,257
Any one of my boys here
can make you feel
317
00:16:34,257 --> 00:16:36,738
like you've just
been through a blender.
318
00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:41,238
Yeah. How would you like it
if we frappe'd your face?
319
00:16:42,528 --> 00:16:44,530
Hey, I didn't hear that,
Horshack.
320
00:16:44,613 --> 00:16:48,678
He asked you if you liked
your face frappe'd, Carvelli.
321
00:16:49,199 --> 00:16:52,624
- I heard him!
- Hey, Carvelli.
322
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:55,971
I sure hope you ain't
allergic to canvas.
323
00:16:56,032 --> 00:16:59,515
Because that's where you're
gonna be spending Friday.
324
00:16:59,598 --> 00:17:01,140
Face down!
325
00:17:02,461 --> 00:17:04,822
Are you threatening me,
Horshack?
326
00:17:04,906 --> 00:17:06,606
- This is getting out of line.
- He didn't mean it.
327
00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:07,821
Out of line, huh?
328
00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:09,571
The only thing
that's gonna be out of line
329
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,817
is your spine. Ha ha.
330
00:17:16,417 --> 00:17:21,255
You're face
is gonna be so ugly...
331
00:17:21,275 --> 00:17:24,342
...we're gonna have
to close it down on weekends.
332
00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:28,438
Alright. Alright.
333
00:17:28,561 --> 00:17:31,257
That's it, Horshack.
I want you.
334
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:33,804
[indistinct chatter]
335
00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:34,929
You heard what he said.
336
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:37,116
- Me?
- Yeah, you! Mouth!
337
00:17:37,137 --> 00:17:38,597
Me?
338
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,722
What did I say?
339
00:17:42,967 --> 00:17:44,310
Hey, Arnold,
you've gotta be some kinda jerk
340
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:46,253
to get into a fight
with that guy Carvelli.
341
00:17:46,292 --> 00:17:48,969
I mean, he could've
rearranged your face.
342
00:17:49,398 --> 00:17:50,859
Might've helped.
343
00:17:52,386 --> 00:17:54,929
Well, is that so, little Juan?
344
00:17:54,929 --> 00:17:56,030
Well, let's not forget the time
345
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:57,641
that you got beat up
by Todd Ludlow
346
00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:58,903
and was afraid to face us.
347
00:17:58,913 --> 00:18:01,852
Well, I didn't get beat up,
I just slipped.
348
00:18:01,936 --> 00:18:02,994
Oh, sure.
349
00:18:03,078 --> 00:18:04,645
Your head slipped
into his fist
350
00:18:04,719 --> 00:18:07,221
about ten or twenty times.
351
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:12,304
Juan? This is Julie.
352
00:18:12,388 --> 00:18:15,303
I've got your flat soda for you.
353
00:18:15,371 --> 00:18:17,552
Pour it under the door.
354
00:18:18,754 --> 00:18:20,537
Juan, the only way
you're gonna get this soda
355
00:18:20,537 --> 00:18:22,235
is to get your tail out.
356
00:18:22,319 --> 00:18:24,080
Look, Mrs. Kotter's out there
357
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,084
and I don't feel like
facing a woman.
358
00:18:26,084 --> 00:18:29,525
Don't worry, Juan, I'll lock
myself in the bathroom.
359
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,369
Okay, look, you gotta promise me
one thing, Mr. Kotter.
360
00:18:32,452 --> 00:18:33,912
I promise!
361
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:35,874
What did I promise?
362
00:18:35,957 --> 00:18:38,800
- That you don't look at me.
- Okay.
363
00:18:39,943 --> 00:18:41,883
I look at a lamp.
364
00:18:53,990 --> 00:18:56,436
Well, Epstein,
nice to see you again.
365
00:18:56,519 --> 00:18:59,465
You lost a little weight,
haven't you?
366
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:02,210
Hey, Mr. Kotter, the second rule
after don't look at me
367
00:19:02,292 --> 00:19:04,294
is don't make fun of me.
368
00:19:04,378 --> 00:19:06,280
Epstein, if you didn't want me
to look at you
369
00:19:06,363 --> 00:19:07,646
then why did you come here?
370
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,067
To say goodbye.
371
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:11,612
I'm running away
to join the circus.
372
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,235
- Don't you know--
- Don't look at me!
373
00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:17,058
Look at the lamp!
374
00:19:17,141 --> 00:19:18,985
Don't you know?
375
00:19:19,069 --> 00:19:22,203
That the one thing that you
can't run away from is yourself?
376
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:26,509
Because no matter where you go,
lamp, you go with you.
377
00:19:27,031 --> 00:19:29,429
So, why don't you
go back to school?
378
00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:31,154
I can't.
379
00:19:32,053 --> 00:19:33,254
Epstein, can I please
look at you?
380
00:19:33,337 --> 00:19:35,706
I can't get through
to this lamp.
381
00:19:37,141 --> 00:19:41,664
Okay, but, like, kinda like
have no expression on your face.
382
00:19:49,428 --> 00:19:50,928
Epstein.
383
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,435
Now, tell me why
you can't go back.
384
00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,976
'Cause I'm a punk.
385
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:01,963
My friends were right
when they said it.
386
00:20:02,046 --> 00:20:03,430
I'm a punk.
387
00:20:03,513 --> 00:20:06,429
Ah, a child on the streets.
388
00:20:06,513 --> 00:20:09,636
A flyspeck
on the highway of life.
389
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:12,640
Ain't nobody
cares about me, man.
390
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:15,726
Okay, then you tell me why
those kids been combing the city
391
00:20:15,727 --> 00:20:17,229
lookin' for you.
392
00:20:17,269 --> 00:20:18,888
They have not.
393
00:20:18,971 --> 00:20:20,691
They have.
394
00:20:20,973 --> 00:20:23,111
In their own way, of course.
395
00:20:23,195 --> 00:20:26,494
Hey, they care
about you, Juan.
396
00:20:26,578 --> 00:20:28,798
We all care about you.
397
00:20:28,881 --> 00:20:31,383
Then, how come
you didn't write?
398
00:20:33,906 --> 00:20:36,425
Well, Juan, you learned
something important from that.
399
00:20:36,508 --> 00:20:38,128
I did?
400
00:20:38,818 --> 00:20:41,385
You learned that violence
can't solve your problems.
401
00:20:41,468 --> 00:20:44,212
Yeah, remember the all night
sit-in at school?
402
00:20:44,247 --> 00:20:46,510
We got them to improve
the food in the cafeteria
403
00:20:46,571 --> 00:20:48,752
through a peaceful
demonstration.
404
00:20:50,455 --> 00:20:52,338
- Hey, Horshack.
- Huh?
405
00:20:52,421 --> 00:20:53,699
Tell me something.
406
00:20:53,782 --> 00:20:56,605
You ever think about
what God is like?
407
00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:58,148
Oh, yeah.
408
00:20:59,032 --> 00:21:01,113
I think he's short.
409
00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:05,380
And he has a marvelous
sense of humor.
410
00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:08,415
And a great laugh.
411
00:21:08,498 --> 00:21:12,340
Hey! God can do anything.
412
00:21:12,864 --> 00:21:14,324
He can?
413
00:21:15,446 --> 00:21:16,907
She can.
414
00:21:19,168 --> 00:21:23,195
You know, I-I think God is, uh,
he's kinda tough, you know?
415
00:21:23,278 --> 00:21:24,797
But he's fair.
416
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:29,342
Sort of like, like John Wayne
in a white beard, you know?
417
00:21:29,426 --> 00:21:34,627
Alright, pilgrims,
move those clouds in a circle.
418
00:21:36,803 --> 00:21:39,647
Well, I got my own idea
of what God is like.
419
00:21:39,730 --> 00:21:42,111
I know he's a sharp dresser.
420
00:21:42,573 --> 00:21:44,674
And he's good lookin'.
421
00:21:44,757 --> 00:21:46,958
And of course, he's Italian.
422
00:21:47,881 --> 00:21:48,939
Yeah?
423
00:21:49,023 --> 00:21:51,223
Well, if you ask me,
all that stuff about harps
424
00:21:51,306 --> 00:21:53,349
is a lot of jive.
425
00:21:53,349 --> 00:21:57,212
God is backed up
by a jazz rhythm section.
426
00:21:57,295 --> 00:21:59,077
He got a piano,
a bass guitar
427
00:21:59,077 --> 00:22:01,859
and a drummer
with a good right foot.
428
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,615
Well, I think that God is love.
429
00:22:05,698 --> 00:22:09,811
And if God were here,
he would love my tuna casserole.
430
00:22:12,286 --> 00:22:16,551
Hey, Mr. Kotter, what's your
feelings on this subject?
431
00:22:16,634 --> 00:22:21,338
Well, I think that God
is everywhere.
432
00:22:21,421 --> 00:22:23,521
Even in liver?
433
00:22:25,346 --> 00:22:26,806
He's everywhere.
434
00:22:26,910 --> 00:22:28,765
He's in Times Square.
435
00:22:28,849 --> 00:22:31,071
Used to be in Ebbets Field.
436
00:22:31,155 --> 00:22:33,774
He's spent a lot of time
in Ebbets Field.
437
00:22:33,858 --> 00:22:37,161
He's moonlight in Vermont,
autumn in New York.
438
00:22:37,244 --> 00:22:39,344
All the standards.
439
00:22:39,570 --> 00:22:41,030
He's everywhere.
440
00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:45,420
With the possible exception
of Epstein's gym locker.
441
00:22:48,609 --> 00:22:52,821
You know, guys, all of us being
here together Christmas Eve.
442
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:54,646
Reminds me of a little story.
443
00:22:54,729 --> 00:22:57,110
- You see, my uncle--
- A story!
444
00:22:57,194 --> 00:22:59,152
Gee, we'd really
love to hear it
445
00:22:59,234 --> 00:23:00,657
but, uh, we gotta go
spread around
446
00:23:00,657 --> 00:23:03,437
a little Christmas cheer here.
447
00:23:03,521 --> 00:23:05,604
I'd love to stay
and hear your story, Kotter
448
00:23:05,604 --> 00:23:07,722
but I already
gave you a gift.
449
00:23:07,805 --> 00:23:08,705
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
450
00:23:08,789 --> 00:23:11,910
Yeah, Mr. Kotter,
we've just got to split.
451
00:23:11,993 --> 00:23:13,412
- Merry Christmas!
- I really appreciate now.
452
00:23:13,495 --> 00:23:14,540
You be cool.
453
00:23:14,623 --> 00:23:15,967
And Merry Christmas,
Mrs. Kotter.
454
00:23:15,994 --> 00:23:18,539
- Merry Christmas.
- The Kotterettes too.
455
00:23:19,323 --> 00:23:21,423
To all, a goodnight.
456
00:23:22,050 --> 00:23:25,617
Well, honey, sugar plum, baby...
457
00:23:25,617 --> 00:23:27,228
this is it. All alone.
458
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,418
Yeah.
459
00:23:28,502 --> 00:23:30,423
Let me tell you
this little story.
460
00:23:30,506 --> 00:23:32,606
[gasps] The babies!
461
00:23:34,138 --> 00:23:36,944
[theme music]
462
00:23:38,942 --> 00:23:40,402
Julie?
463
00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:42,268
Julie?
464
00:23:42,351 --> 00:23:44,027
[groans]
465
00:23:53,762 --> 00:23:55,443
Oh, Santa Claus.
466
00:23:55,526 --> 00:23:58,355
Nice to see you again
this year.
467
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:01,485
Hey, did I ever tell you
about my Cousin Frida?
468
00:24:01,529 --> 00:24:04,515
Well, you see,
she had her nose fixed.
469
00:24:04,599 --> 00:24:06,541
But it grew back.
470
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,538
Ho ho ho!
471
00:24:19,309 --> 00:24:22,203
[theme song]
472
00:24:26,969 --> 00:24:29,759
♪ Welcome back ♪
473
00:24:29,842 --> 00:24:33,414
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
474
00:24:33,497 --> 00:24:35,678
♪ Welcome back ♪
475
00:24:35,761 --> 00:24:40,421
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
476
00:24:40,504 --> 00:24:44,817
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
477
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:49,387
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
478
00:24:49,470 --> 00:24:51,520
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
479
00:24:51,603 --> 00:24:53,391
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
480
00:24:53,474 --> 00:24:55,393
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
481
00:24:55,476 --> 00:24:57,526
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
482
00:24:57,609 --> 00:25:01,834
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause
we've got him on the spot ♪
483
00:25:01,917 --> 00:25:03,966
♪ Welcome back ♪
484
00:25:04,049 --> 00:25:05,181
♪ Welcome back ♪♪
35595
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