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1
00:00:01,098 --> 00:00:02,217
Julie, did I ever tell you
about my Cousin Janet
2
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,381
who's away at school?
3
00:00:03,401 --> 00:00:04,200
No.
4
00:00:04,201 --> 00:00:05,723
She just wrote my aunt
and my uncle a letter.
5
00:00:05,795 --> 00:00:07,063
[Julie] Mm-hmm.
6
00:00:07,146 --> 00:00:08,488
She said, "Dear mom and pop
7
00:00:08,488 --> 00:00:09,988
"I know I haven't written
to you for a week
8
00:00:09,989 --> 00:00:12,186
"but there have been some
extenuating circumstances.
9
00:00:12,269 --> 00:00:14,872
"First of all, I had an accident
and I hurt my leg.
10
00:00:14,955 --> 00:00:16,615
"It's not serious,
the doctor said I should
11
00:00:16,698 --> 00:00:18,699
recover full use of it
in about a year."
12
00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:19,638
Uh-huh.
13
00:00:19,721 --> 00:00:21,123
"The reason I didn't
need your support was
14
00:00:21,163 --> 00:00:22,485
"because I'd met a boy.
15
00:00:22,505 --> 00:00:23,906
"In fact,
I met him over a year ago
16
00:00:23,906 --> 00:00:25,669
"and I have neglected
to tell you about him.
17
00:00:25,669 --> 00:00:28,289
"He's much older than I am,
and he's not of our religion.
18
00:00:28,372 --> 00:00:30,415
"But I think
that you'll get to like him.
19
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,300
"Uh, we are
going to get married.
20
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,723
"Not that we want to,
we just have to.
21
00:00:34,723 --> 00:00:37,027
"I'm sure you'll understand.
Jerry should find a job.
22
00:00:37,067 --> 00:00:40,111
He's been looking quite hard
for the past year."
23
00:00:40,111 --> 00:00:43,012
Then she signed her name,
"Your loving daughter, Janet."
24
00:00:43,095 --> 00:00:43,895
- Yeah.
- "PS."
25
00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:46,056
"Everything I've written you
is absolutely false.
26
00:00:46,139 --> 00:00:47,878
"However,
I did get a "D" in English.
27
00:00:47,961 --> 00:00:50,093
And I wanted you to see it
in its proper perspective."
28
00:00:50,094 --> 00:00:52,996
[laughing]
29
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:58,376
[theme song]
30
00:01:03,012 --> 00:01:05,627
♪ Welcome back ♪
31
00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:09,414
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
32
00:01:09,497 --> 00:01:11,633
♪ Welcome back ♪
33
00:01:11,716 --> 00:01:16,551
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
34
00:01:16,634 --> 00:01:20,773
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
35
00:01:20,856 --> 00:01:25,511
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
36
00:01:25,594 --> 00:01:27,643
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
37
00:01:27,726 --> 00:01:29,384
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
38
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:31,430
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
39
00:01:31,513 --> 00:01:33,519
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
40
00:01:33,602 --> 00:01:37,784
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
41
00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:40,090
♪ Welcome back ♪
42
00:01:40,173 --> 00:01:45,527
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪♪
43
00:01:54,927 --> 00:01:58,300
[indistinct chatter]
44
00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:00,826
- How are you doing?
- Check it out.
45
00:02:00,909 --> 00:02:02,652
- Alright.
- Hey, y'all.
46
00:02:02,735 --> 00:02:04,998
What are you people doing
with all those merchandise?
47
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,583
Gonna open up a pawnshop?
48
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,023
Hey, Mr. Kotter, you kidding me?
49
00:02:09,106 --> 00:02:12,543
You couldn't find stuff like
this in a Picasso garage sale.
50
00:02:13,391 --> 00:02:14,913
Hey, man, all this stuff here
51
00:02:14,913 --> 00:02:17,284
these are our projects
for art appreciation class.
52
00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:21,197
Well, I thought it was
"Be Kind to Trash Week."
53
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,151
Now, Mr. Kotter,
there's a big difference
54
00:02:23,203 --> 00:02:25,566
between garbage and art.
55
00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:28,928
The art collector
don't come twice a week.
56
00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,861
Alright, let's see what you got.
57
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:34,792
Arnold Horshack, come on down.
58
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:37,164
[all applauding]
59
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,114
Thank you, thank you,
my friends.
60
00:02:40,197 --> 00:02:41,788
Thank you, Don Pardo.
61
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:44,483
[chuckling]
62
00:02:44,566 --> 00:02:48,572
Here it is, Mr. Kotter.
Do you like it?
63
00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:51,992
Do I like it? Well,
this is one of the best, um
64
00:02:52,075 --> 00:02:54,456
one of these
I've ever seen.
65
00:02:54,703 --> 00:02:56,526
Then you know what it is?
66
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,631
Of course, I know what it is,
Arnold, I'm a teacher.
67
00:02:59,714 --> 00:03:02,884
Let's see if one of them
knows what it is.
68
00:03:02,977 --> 00:03:04,139
Yeah, I know what it is,
I could check
69
00:03:04,222 --> 00:03:05,397
that out from any distance,
let me check
70
00:03:05,464 --> 00:03:07,487
this out a little slow.
71
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,251
It's a swimming pool
for pigmies.
72
00:03:12,596 --> 00:03:14,837
No, it's not. No, it's not.
73
00:03:15,401 --> 00:03:17,664
It's a hat for a monkey.
74
00:03:17,729 --> 00:03:20,101
[imitating monkey]
75
00:03:21,122 --> 00:03:23,241
You better put a strap on it,
though.
76
00:03:23,324 --> 00:03:26,026
Go ahead, Mr. Kotter,
you tell them what it is.
77
00:03:26,047 --> 00:03:27,178
Go ahead, go ahead.
78
00:03:27,261 --> 00:03:29,347
- Well, uh...
- Go ahead.
79
00:03:29,430 --> 00:03:32,071
- This is, uh...
- Go ahead.
80
00:03:33,794 --> 00:03:36,697
Arnold, it's your project.
Why don't you tell them?
81
00:03:38,579 --> 00:03:42,343
It's a combination ashtray
and denture cup.
82
00:03:44,184 --> 00:03:47,622
You see, you can put out
your cigarettes and your teeth
83
00:03:47,648 --> 00:03:49,715
at the same time.
84
00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:54,443
Alright, you wanna see art?
Okay, I'll show you art.
85
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,166
Check it out, check it out.
Look at this.
86
00:03:57,249 --> 00:04:00,534
Alright, this, this
is a plaster of Paris pizza.
87
00:04:01,894 --> 00:04:04,462
Alright, the, the, uh,
nice screws are made
88
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:05,997
as anchovies.
89
00:04:06,199 --> 00:04:09,201
A-and the, uh,
washer's the pepperonies.
90
00:04:10,704 --> 00:04:12,523
What's, uh, what's that?
Right over there?
91
00:04:12,606 --> 00:04:16,577
Oh, t-that's a fly that fell in
when I was making it.
92
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:20,367
It looked so good to him.
He didn't know the difference.
93
00:04:21,952 --> 00:04:23,174
You want a piece?
94
00:04:23,258 --> 00:04:26,077
No, no, no, I like, uh,
sausage pizza.
95
00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:29,598
Oh, I can't make you that.
I ran out of bolts.
96
00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:35,272
Okay, Mr. Kotter,
now since you dispensed
97
00:04:35,272 --> 00:04:36,882
with the amateurs,
it's time to repay it
98
00:04:36,915 --> 00:04:39,313
with a visit
from the old master.
99
00:04:39,397 --> 00:04:43,220
Better known as "Vincent
Van Gogh of the Ghetto."
100
00:04:44,878 --> 00:04:46,501
Got it right on here.
I made a bust.
101
00:04:46,584 --> 00:04:48,607
Check it out.
102
00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:52,569
This hand symbolizes man
103
00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:55,534
reaching out to his fellow man.
104
00:04:55,617 --> 00:04:58,277
Wow, Fredrick.
105
00:05:00,302 --> 00:05:02,938
I think his manicure
has turned on him.
106
00:05:03,842 --> 00:05:06,907
That's what happens
when you don't tip.
107
00:05:06,990 --> 00:05:08,472
- Thanks, huh.
- It's terrific, Freddie.
108
00:05:08,492 --> 00:05:10,094
Thanks a lot.
109
00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:11,457
Okay, now, today I--
110
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,000
Buenosmorning.
Buenosmorning.
111
00:05:13,882 --> 00:05:16,142
Epstein, Epstein!
112
00:05:16,806 --> 00:05:18,265
Come here.
113
00:05:18,348 --> 00:05:20,187
First of all,
you're five minutes late.
114
00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:22,533
And second of all, where's
your project for art class?
115
00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,357
My project's out the window.
116
00:05:25,424 --> 00:05:27,404
- Out the window?
- Yeah.
117
00:05:30,739 --> 00:05:33,683
- Where?
- Right out there.
118
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:37,249
The wino on the park bench
is your project?
119
00:05:37,332 --> 00:05:38,794
Come on,come on,
you gotta look down.
120
00:05:38,853 --> 00:05:40,751
Yeah, look down.
121
00:05:40,834 --> 00:05:42,794
- Oh, that sheet on the wall?
- Yeah, yeah.
122
00:05:42,877 --> 00:05:45,237
Yeah, every year a student
is picked to paint a muriel
123
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,213
for art appreciation week.
124
00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:50,393
And this year you were picked
to paint the muriel?
125
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,109
Well, actually,
I was a runner-up.
126
00:05:53,192 --> 00:05:54,253
Uh, the guy
they picked first
127
00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:56,798
met with a very unfortunate
accident.
128
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,635
I guess the art game
can be real rough, you know?
129
00:06:02,718 --> 00:06:04,060
Yeah, I guess so.
What'd you paint?
130
00:06:04,127 --> 00:06:07,688
Well, look, it's not just the
painting, see, I mean, it's...
131
00:06:07,772 --> 00:06:09,678
Look, Mr. Kotter...
132
00:06:09,762 --> 00:06:13,613
...once in a lifetime,
a man knows a moment...
133
00:06:14,247 --> 00:06:16,830
A wonderful moment.
134
00:06:17,607 --> 00:06:20,366
When fate takes his hands.
135
00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:24,043
♪ And this is his moment ♪
136
00:06:24,126 --> 00:06:28,898
♪ It's once in a lifetime ♪♪
137
00:06:28,981 --> 00:06:30,904
- Let's see it.
- Hang on, hang on.
138
00:06:30,987 --> 00:06:33,046
May I present to you
139
00:06:33,130 --> 00:06:35,391
"Epstein's Madonna."
140
00:06:35,919 --> 00:06:38,422
[hooting]
141
00:06:38,505 --> 00:06:40,509
- Alright.
- It's nice, it's really nice.
142
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:42,227
That's very nice.
143
00:06:42,311 --> 00:06:45,132
It's... It's the first time
I've seen an artist
144
00:06:45,214 --> 00:06:47,877
sign his name up
somebody's nose.
145
00:06:48,661 --> 00:06:50,761
Well, it's a good thing
she ain't alive.
146
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,760
One big sneeze
and you'd be anonymous.
147
00:06:53,843 --> 00:06:56,287
[indistinct chatter]
148
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:57,694
Hey, you guys
ain't seen nothin' yet.
149
00:06:57,694 --> 00:06:59,891
The rest of her
is around the corner.
150
00:06:59,974 --> 00:07:02,397
Well, uh, Juan, why did
you paint her around the corner?
151
00:07:02,481 --> 00:07:06,185
It's a heck of a lot easier
than straightening out the wall.
152
00:07:06,566 --> 00:07:09,981
[hooting]
153
00:07:17,666 --> 00:07:19,126
Oh, boy.
154
00:07:20,129 --> 00:07:23,457
Kotter, this is an outrage.
She's nude.
155
00:07:25,506 --> 00:07:28,857
I'm an artist.
I paint what's inside of me.
156
00:07:28,941 --> 00:07:30,721
The problem's not
what you've got on the inside
157
00:07:30,804 --> 00:07:33,173
it's what she's got
on the outside.
158
00:07:33,858 --> 00:07:35,318
Ah...
159
00:07:37,353 --> 00:07:41,276
Now I know why my sister
has her own room.
160
00:07:44,316 --> 00:07:48,580
Epstein, she's supposed
to have clothes on.
161
00:07:48,663 --> 00:07:51,513
- I ran out of paint.
- Yeah, he ran out of paint.
162
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,606
Now, listen, Epstein,
either you put those grapes
163
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:55,517
where they do some good...
164
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,201
...or I'll send you
to Principal Lazarus' office.
165
00:07:57,224 --> 00:07:58,255
[indistinct chatter]
166
00:07:58,338 --> 00:07:59,476
Wait a sec, wait a sec.
167
00:07:59,476 --> 00:08:02,252
Mr. Woodman,
that's not for you to decide.
168
00:08:02,335 --> 00:08:04,938
I mean, this mural
is his art class project.
169
00:08:05,021 --> 00:08:06,102
That's wonderful.
170
00:08:06,162 --> 00:08:07,681
And what's he doing
for social studies?
171
00:08:07,764 --> 00:08:09,135
Invading Poland?
172
00:08:09,218 --> 00:08:11,801
- Hey.
- Hey, take it easy, huh?
173
00:08:11,884 --> 00:08:15,148
Juan, Woodman does have a point.
174
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,877
I mean... the lady's nude.
175
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,622
Come on, I know my rights.
176
00:08:19,705 --> 00:08:21,747
This is a schoolyard wall.
177
00:08:21,828 --> 00:08:23,450
A lot of people
go by here every day.
178
00:08:23,510 --> 00:08:25,610
Now, if you wanted
to paint something like this
179
00:08:25,693 --> 00:08:27,372
you could've done it
on a canvas.
180
00:08:27,455 --> 00:08:30,198
Look, you don't understand.
It's art.
181
00:08:30,198 --> 00:08:32,660
Now, that's my vision of life,
and I ain't gonna change it.
182
00:08:32,681 --> 00:08:34,143
- That's right!
- That's right.
183
00:08:34,226 --> 00:08:35,383
- So listen to him.
- He's got a right.
184
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:39,847
Besides, once I connect
the dots, that's that.
185
00:08:42,174 --> 00:08:44,981
[bell ringing]
186
00:08:47,554 --> 00:08:49,654
Hey, Mr. Kotter.
187
00:08:50,219 --> 00:08:52,418
Here are the art books
that you wanted
188
00:08:52,501 --> 00:08:53,743
us to pick up in the library.
189
00:08:53,743 --> 00:08:55,622
You know,
some of the pictures in here
190
00:08:55,705 --> 00:08:59,707
are definitely not suitable
for family viewing.
191
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,114
Uh, we got some bad titles
inside them books.
192
00:09:02,114 --> 00:09:05,739
Well, right here we got,
Renaissance paintings, uh-huh...
193
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:08,664
We got over here, mm,
"The great masters."
194
00:09:08,703 --> 00:09:10,063
That's a good one,
that's bad, boy.
195
00:09:10,146 --> 00:09:12,906
And right over here, we have
"To loose the trick.
196
00:09:12,906 --> 00:09:16,311
And other short stories."
197
00:09:16,591 --> 00:09:17,853
I can tell
this book's really old.
198
00:09:17,936 --> 00:09:20,305
Van Gogh still
has both his ears.
199
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,703
Hey, Mr. Kotter, you know what?
200
00:09:24,785 --> 00:09:27,828
I ain't never been
to a library before.
201
00:09:27,910 --> 00:09:31,777
Man, that was really stupid.
Everybody's going, "Shh!"
202
00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:36,696
Were they, were they, they
afraid of wakin' up the books?
203
00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:45,273
Did, uh, did you
take out a book, Vinnie?
204
00:09:45,356 --> 00:09:48,819
No, but I'm gonna take out
the librarian Saturday night.
205
00:09:49,819 --> 00:09:52,142
Vinnie, you better get it
back on time.
206
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:55,128
It's three cents a day
if she is late.
207
00:09:55,369 --> 00:09:57,262
I can afford that.
208
00:09:58,470 --> 00:10:00,792
Kotter, there's another one.
209
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:03,093
Third complaint this morning
about that nude...
210
00:10:03,176 --> 00:10:05,178
Epstein's not gonna
get away with this.
211
00:10:05,261 --> 00:10:08,865
Relax, Mr. Woodman, Juan's in
Mr. Lazarus' office right now.
212
00:10:08,885 --> 00:10:11,025
Lazarus is gonna decide.
213
00:10:11,107 --> 00:10:13,350
What's all this?
More filth?
214
00:10:14,522 --> 00:10:17,922
Mr. Woodman, I don't know
if what Juan painted belongs
215
00:10:18,005 --> 00:10:20,066
in a schoolyard or not,
but I had the guys get you
216
00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:23,052
these books to show you
that it wasn't filth.
217
00:10:24,295 --> 00:10:27,668
Look. Look here, look at this
painting by Botticelli.
218
00:10:28,902 --> 00:10:30,722
It won't work, Kotter.
219
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:33,725
There's a big difference between
this nude and Epstein's.
220
00:10:33,808 --> 00:10:34,768
Why?
221
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,434
Well, this one doesn't have
"Born to Boogie"
222
00:10:36,474 --> 00:10:38,635
tattooed on her thigh.
223
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,936
Juan, Juan!
224
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,653
What did Lazarus say?
225
00:10:46,736 --> 00:10:49,715
Well, uh, Jack said
that I could keep it up
226
00:10:49,798 --> 00:10:51,917
until Miss Holtzgang grades it.
227
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,563
And then if it passes,
well, heh-heh
228
00:10:54,563 --> 00:10:56,149
I can keep it up all week.
229
00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:58,777
[all cheering]
230
00:10:59,649 --> 00:11:02,509
What about morality
and public decency?
231
00:11:02,592 --> 00:11:06,054
We've gotta keep the human body
out of our schools.
232
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,640
Let's start with yours.
233
00:11:12,929 --> 00:11:16,762
Mr. Woodman, the human body
is a beautiful thing.
234
00:11:16,845 --> 00:11:20,215
Kotter, if God wanted
us to be naked...
235
00:11:20,298 --> 00:11:22,782
...why would there
be leisure suits?
236
00:11:29,059 --> 00:11:31,722
- Hey, how're you doin'?
- How're you doin'? How are you?
237
00:11:31,804 --> 00:11:33,372
Thanks a lot.
Glad you like it there.
238
00:11:33,447 --> 00:11:35,326
Listen, uh, Juan...
239
00:11:35,409 --> 00:11:36,908
You won your first battle,
now, it's up to
240
00:11:36,991 --> 00:11:38,493
the art teacher to decide.
241
00:11:38,493 --> 00:11:40,712
Yeah, you know, Mr. Kotter
242
00:11:40,795 --> 00:11:42,877
up until now, everybody
just thought of me as, uh
243
00:11:42,877 --> 00:11:45,987
just another pretty punk,
you know?
244
00:11:46,502 --> 00:11:48,161
But that painting over there,
that proves
245
00:11:48,244 --> 00:11:49,862
that they're wrong, huh?
246
00:11:49,945 --> 00:11:52,848
Right. Proves you're
a pretty punk that can paint.
247
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,580
Thanks.
248
00:11:57,808 --> 00:11:59,149
- Juan, you know...
- Yeah.
249
00:11:59,232 --> 00:12:00,451
I can't put my finger on it
250
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:03,175
but there's something
about that painting.
251
00:12:03,819 --> 00:12:06,722
Do you know
where I can find Juan Epstein?
252
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,225
Look, officer,
I was nowhere near the place.
253
00:12:10,308 --> 00:12:12,972
- I got an alibi.
- No.
254
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:14,314
No, no, I'm a reporter.
255
00:12:14,314 --> 00:12:16,033
From Eye To Eye News.
256
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:17,796
Are you the artist?
257
00:12:17,879 --> 00:12:19,018
Yeah.
258
00:12:19,101 --> 00:12:21,487
Then you must be one
of his teachers?
259
00:12:21,570 --> 00:12:26,029
Yes, I'm, uh, I'm Mr. Kotter.
♪-O-T-T-E-R and, um...
260
00:12:26,466 --> 00:12:28,326
We're all very proud of Juan.
261
00:12:28,409 --> 00:12:29,670
As his teacher, Mr. Kotter
262
00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:31,150
what do you think
of the painting?
263
00:12:31,232 --> 00:12:33,936
What do I think of the painting?
Oh, well...
264
00:12:33,936 --> 00:12:35,418
I think the painting's great.
265
00:12:35,419 --> 00:12:37,282
I think, uh,
it shows a lot of depth
266
00:12:37,282 --> 00:12:39,281
for a high school student.
267
00:12:39,364 --> 00:12:41,744
'Cause to me, uh...
268
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:42,828
...there's something
about that face
269
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,611
that looks awful familiar,
you know?
270
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,751
I know I've seen her
somewhere before.
271
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:50,031
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure,
you have.
272
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:53,020
That's Mrs. Kotter.
273
00:12:58,216 --> 00:12:59,516
Well, that's why.
That's why it looks familiar.
274
00:12:59,599 --> 00:13:02,235
- He painted a nude of my wife...
- Yeah.
275
00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:09,245
You put a nude picture of Julie
in the schoolyard?
276
00:13:09,328 --> 00:13:11,384
What are you, crazy?
277
00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:12,748
Come here, Juan.
278
00:13:12,831 --> 00:13:14,413
Come here, I wanna talk
to you a second.
279
00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:16,595
Come here, Juan.
Come over here.
280
00:13:16,615 --> 00:13:18,075
Come here.
281
00:13:18,874 --> 00:13:21,297
We do this all the time.
It's... Come here.
282
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,675
Epstein.
283
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,159
We just kid around like this.
284
00:13:24,242 --> 00:13:25,862
Come here, Juan!
285
00:13:25,943 --> 00:13:29,315
[theme music]
286
00:13:34,364 --> 00:13:36,706
How could Juan do that?
287
00:13:36,789 --> 00:13:39,511
Put your face
on someone else's nude body.
288
00:13:39,594 --> 00:13:43,031
I don't know. In a way, honey,
I'm kind of flattered.
289
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,082
Flattered?
Julie, it's ridiculous.
290
00:13:45,165 --> 00:13:48,508
Your face
on Dolores DelVecchio's body.
291
00:13:50,255 --> 00:13:52,939
Honey, how do you know
it's Dolores DelVecchio's body?
292
00:13:53,022 --> 00:13:57,787
Well, I got Juan to admit it,
after I tackled him.
293
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:01,393
I kinda knew it all along.
294
00:14:01,476 --> 00:14:02,676
I mean,
that it wasn't your body.
295
00:14:02,677 --> 00:14:05,580
I mean, Dolores could really
fill out a wall.
296
00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:09,025
And I can't?
297
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,248
Oh...
298
00:14:11,331 --> 00:14:15,515
Julie, my honey, my sweetie,
my poopsie.
299
00:14:17,445 --> 00:14:18,905
What else?
300
00:14:19,170 --> 00:14:21,030
Julie, the difference
between you and Dolores
301
00:14:21,113 --> 00:14:23,528
is about 18 bricks.
302
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:29,384
Well, if it's just my face,
what are you so worried about?
303
00:14:29,646 --> 00:14:30,952
Julie, you think I wanna
go to school
304
00:14:31,009 --> 00:14:33,730
and have to look
at your face everyday?
305
00:14:36,157 --> 00:14:38,380
Uh, what I mean is, you know,
look at your face
306
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:41,702
on somebody else's, uh,
naked body.
307
00:14:42,165 --> 00:14:43,708
[telephone ringing]
308
00:14:43,791 --> 00:14:45,091
I'll get it.
You know what I meant.
309
00:14:45,091 --> 00:14:47,460
What are you looking at me for?
310
00:14:49,148 --> 00:14:50,562
Hello.
311
00:14:51,451 --> 00:14:54,073
Yes, this is the nude's husband.
312
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,397
No, I don't have any
pocket-size pictures of my wife.
313
00:15:03,191 --> 00:15:05,519
Julie, this is getting serious.
314
00:15:05,602 --> 00:15:07,544
You know, there was
a TV news guy down today.
315
00:15:07,564 --> 00:15:09,326
They wanna do somethin'
on the news tomorrow.
316
00:15:09,346 --> 00:15:11,566
But, honey,
you were so proud of Juan.
317
00:15:11,568 --> 00:15:13,987
You said he was,
he was finally
318
00:15:14,070 --> 00:15:17,233
expressing himself
in a socially positive way.
319
00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,872
Yeah, well,
let him be social and positive
320
00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:21,675
with somebody else's wife.
321
00:15:21,758 --> 00:15:24,658
I'm gonna call him up.
This thing has got to stop.
322
00:15:24,741 --> 00:15:26,721
It's really gone too far.
323
00:15:27,904 --> 00:15:30,540
Hello, Mrs. Epstein,
can I speak to Juan?
324
00:15:31,547 --> 00:15:33,353
Buenos noches.
325
00:15:35,298 --> 00:15:36,780
Mrs. Epstein,
you can speak English.
326
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:39,243
This is not the police.
327
00:15:39,243 --> 00:15:41,343
It's Mr. Kotter.
328
00:15:41,944 --> 00:15:45,288
Juan? Buenos nochesto you.
329
00:15:45,371 --> 00:15:46,572
Juan, listen, it's mister...
330
00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,934
Can you meet me
in the schoolyard right now?
331
00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:53,586
Yeah. What do you mean
you don't go out in the dark?
332
00:15:53,669 --> 00:15:55,018
I'll see you there, okay?
333
00:15:55,063 --> 00:15:56,986
Alright. Buh-bye.
334
00:15:57,069 --> 00:15:59,506
I'm just gonna talk to him.
335
00:15:59,589 --> 00:16:02,090
It's really getting
to bother me, honey.
336
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,079
- Uh, baby?
- What?
337
00:16:04,162 --> 00:16:06,798
Keep your clothes on
till I get back.
338
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:13,412
[spray can hisses]
339
00:16:13,495 --> 00:16:14,955
There.
340
00:16:15,297 --> 00:16:16,711
That's better.
341
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:19,541
Maybe a little more there.
342
00:16:19,541 --> 00:16:21,536
[spray can hisses]
343
00:16:23,669 --> 00:16:25,500
Maybe one more touch there.
344
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,432
[spray can hisses]
345
00:16:33,885 --> 00:16:38,190
My nude wife is not gonna be
on the 11 o'clock news.
346
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,864
Oh, no.
347
00:16:50,316 --> 00:16:52,536
Who would do this
to Juan's painting?
348
00:16:52,569 --> 00:16:55,941
[indistinct chatter]
349
00:16:57,104 --> 00:16:58,807
- Say hi to Mr. Kotter.
- Hi, Mr. Kotter.
350
00:16:58,889 --> 00:17:01,588
Mr. Kotter, the guys and I,
we talked it over
351
00:17:01,671 --> 00:17:03,833
and I decided that I ain't
gonna change the painting.
352
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:07,054
Yes, so, uh, you can
just turn around
353
00:17:07,137 --> 00:17:09,941
like a good little buckaroo...
354
00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:14,600
...skip on home
with your spray can of paint.
355
00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:16,405
- Uh, I won't...
- Spray, spray can?
356
00:17:16,488 --> 00:17:17,852
[Arnold] What?
357
00:17:17,935 --> 00:17:20,096
[all gasp]
358
00:17:20,179 --> 00:17:21,923
[Arnold] Don't look!
359
00:17:22,006 --> 00:17:24,595
Don't look. Don't look!
360
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,200
Mr. Kotter!
361
00:17:27,282 --> 00:17:29,862
How could you do this?
362
00:17:29,946 --> 00:17:31,606
I didn't do anything.
363
00:17:31,689 --> 00:17:33,887
Come on!
364
00:17:34,894 --> 00:17:35,996
I know you're bummed on me
365
00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:38,557
on account I used
Mrs. Kotter's face.
366
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,077
But she's the only girl I know
that don't have zits.
367
00:17:43,044 --> 00:17:44,586
Guys, look,
you gotta believe me.
368
00:17:44,669 --> 00:17:46,032
I didn't do anything.
369
00:17:46,052 --> 00:17:47,948
Then who did?
370
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:50,074
Someone who didn't
like your painting.
371
00:17:50,157 --> 00:17:52,529
Someone who's
really destructive.
372
00:17:53,044 --> 00:17:55,505
Somebody who's reallytwisted.
373
00:17:57,108 --> 00:18:00,369
Somebody who's really short.
374
00:18:00,452 --> 00:18:02,127
[in unison] Woodman.
375
00:18:03,877 --> 00:18:05,253
I'm ruined.
376
00:18:05,336 --> 00:18:07,138
What difference does it make?
377
00:18:07,221 --> 00:18:08,740
It's the first thing
I ever do in my life
378
00:18:08,823 --> 00:18:10,658
it just goes to pot.
379
00:18:11,266 --> 00:18:12,425
Look, Juan.
380
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,336
If it's really important to you
381
00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:16,292
we can't let Woodman
get away with this.
382
00:18:16,313 --> 00:18:17,415
Yeah, yeah, Juan,
you know, like
383
00:18:17,415 --> 00:18:18,994
w-we could all stay here
with you all night
384
00:18:19,077 --> 00:18:20,271
and we can help.
385
00:18:20,354 --> 00:18:22,990
In fact, Arnold could
be the drop cloth.
386
00:18:24,177 --> 00:18:25,379
- Hey, you know what, Juan?
- What?
387
00:18:25,463 --> 00:18:26,805
It could be really interesting
388
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:29,975
if I get to paint the part
that I want.
389
00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:33,176
Well, look, I...
390
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:36,098
I'm the one who, uh
who painted it...
391
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:39,447
...so, I'm gonna be
the one who fixes it.
392
00:18:39,605 --> 00:18:40,505
- Alright, that's fine.
- Yeah.
393
00:18:40,589 --> 00:18:42,750
Right, come on, guys, let's
leave the artist to his work.
394
00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:44,676
- Come on. Good luck, Juan.
- See you later, Juan.
395
00:18:44,676 --> 00:18:46,512
[Freddie] Be cool, my man.
396
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,767
Hello, this is your
Eye To Eye News reporter
397
00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:54,267
Jerry Cronkite.
398
00:18:54,871 --> 00:18:56,331
No relation.
399
00:18:57,715 --> 00:18:59,536
In a few moments,
the school art teacher
400
00:18:59,619 --> 00:19:01,980
will tell us
if Epstein's Madonna
401
00:19:02,063 --> 00:19:05,266
is obscenity or art.
402
00:19:05,409 --> 00:19:07,991
It's, uh, it's neither.
403
00:19:08,770 --> 00:19:10,449
Can you tell us, Mr. Epstein
404
00:19:10,532 --> 00:19:12,936
uh, does your painting
have any message?
405
00:19:12,936 --> 00:19:16,374
Yes, but I'm not old enough
to know what it is.
406
00:19:16,457 --> 00:19:17,757
Come on, come on,
this is my interview.
407
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:20,425
You just ask me
the questions here.
408
00:19:20,508 --> 00:19:22,206
Um, exactly
409
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:24,532
what painters influenced you?
410
00:19:24,553 --> 00:19:25,972
Uh, well, uh, uh
411
00:19:26,055 --> 00:19:28,735
Rembrandt for the eyes.
412
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:31,059
Picasso for the mouth.
413
00:19:31,142 --> 00:19:33,731
And the body, Earl Scheib.
414
00:19:36,432 --> 00:19:37,695
[Gabe] Uh, everybody.
415
00:19:37,778 --> 00:19:38,798
Uh, everybody, uh
416
00:19:38,818 --> 00:19:41,121
Miss Holtzgang is ready
to grade the painting.
417
00:19:41,205 --> 00:19:42,665
- Oh!
- Alright.
418
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,946
Uh, just one more
question, Mr. Epstein.
419
00:19:45,030 --> 00:19:47,162
Um, conceptually thinking
420
00:19:47,234 --> 00:19:50,998
um, what does your naked body
eating grapes represent?
421
00:19:54,969 --> 00:19:57,994
A-a naked body eating grapes.
422
00:19:59,052 --> 00:20:00,834
Juan, Juan, I am ready
423
00:20:00,873 --> 00:20:02,676
to give you your grade now.
424
00:20:02,696 --> 00:20:04,096
- Oh, this is it.
- Oh, l-let's hear it.
425
00:20:04,096 --> 00:20:06,142
This is the moment
we've been waiting for.
426
00:20:06,143 --> 00:20:09,081
The fate of the Epstein Madonna
is about to be decided.
427
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:11,244
[indistinct chatter]
428
00:20:11,328 --> 00:20:12,966
There's no bikini!
429
00:20:13,050 --> 00:20:14,946
Where's my bikini, Kotter?
430
00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:16,512
Relax, Mr. Woodman,
we'll give you a bikini
431
00:20:16,595 --> 00:20:18,697
when you go to the beach.
432
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,280
Alright, okay, now.
433
00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:22,923
Before I give Juan his grade
434
00:20:22,924 --> 00:20:24,626
I would like to say
that I think
435
00:20:24,627 --> 00:20:28,033
he has a great eye
for color, space and proportion.
436
00:20:28,084 --> 00:20:29,635
[all cheering]
437
00:20:29,718 --> 00:20:31,727
Especially proportion.
438
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,558
[cheering continues]
439
00:20:33,641 --> 00:20:34,641
Get, get to the point.
440
00:20:34,725 --> 00:20:37,070
Is it obscene or isn't it?
441
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,135
No, it is not.
442
00:20:39,218 --> 00:20:41,764
[all cheering]
443
00:20:41,890 --> 00:20:43,850
Some very small minds
444
00:20:43,933 --> 00:20:46,292
might think this is
just a naked lady
445
00:20:46,376 --> 00:20:48,199
but we artists
446
00:20:48,239 --> 00:20:50,398
feel that the human body
447
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:52,266
is the greatest artistic image
448
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,330
that can be painted.
449
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,860
- Right.
- Right.
450
00:20:54,968 --> 00:20:56,568
And therefore, therefore
451
00:20:56,651 --> 00:20:58,566
I'm going to give Juan
452
00:20:58,613 --> 00:21:00,177
a B-plus.
453
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:03,157
[all applauding]
454
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,137
A B-plus?
455
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,695
A B-plus for no bikini?
456
00:21:07,778 --> 00:21:09,838
Now, you're gonna have all
kind of weirdoes around here.
457
00:21:09,921 --> 00:21:11,182
Will you stop it, Mr. Woodman?
458
00:21:11,182 --> 00:21:13,124
We're not gonna have
any weirdoes around here.
459
00:21:13,145 --> 00:21:17,738
Repent!
The world is coming to an end!
460
00:21:17,738 --> 00:21:20,554
[screaming]
461
00:21:21,515 --> 00:21:22,975
You see?
462
00:21:24,218 --> 00:21:26,234
It started already.
463
00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:28,119
That's no weirdo,
Mr. Woodman.
464
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:30,243
That's one of my uncles.
465
00:21:31,938 --> 00:21:34,118
This is Jerry Cronkite saying
466
00:21:34,201 --> 00:21:36,116
maybe I'll see you tomorrow.
467
00:21:36,199 --> 00:21:37,612
Goodnight and good luck.
468
00:21:37,686 --> 00:21:39,004
- Goodnight, Dolores.
- Bye.
469
00:21:39,088 --> 00:21:40,127
- So long.
- Oh, u-uh...
470
00:21:40,210 --> 00:21:41,271
Am I off?
471
00:21:41,291 --> 00:21:44,073
You guys were all way off.
472
00:21:44,292 --> 00:21:45,754
Well, how did we do, huh?
473
00:21:45,837 --> 00:21:48,558
Well, Juan, look, you got
something to be proud of.
474
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:50,261
Your painting's
gonna stay up all week.
475
00:21:50,344 --> 00:21:51,482
Well, well, thanks a lot.
476
00:21:51,565 --> 00:21:52,907
I-I really
appreciate your support
477
00:21:52,907 --> 00:21:54,770
and all, Mr. Kotter,
but, uh, I hope
478
00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:57,030
I didn't mess things up
with Mrs. Kotter, you know?
479
00:21:57,093 --> 00:22:00,183
Puttin' her face on
Dolores DelVecchio's nude body.
480
00:22:00,255 --> 00:22:01,715
Heh.
481
00:22:03,695 --> 00:22:04,857
- Wait a minute.
- Huh?
482
00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:07,161
That's,
that's Dolores DelVecchio.
483
00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:08,841
- My Dolores DelVecchio?
- Yeah.
484
00:22:08,925 --> 00:22:10,786
Oh, yeah, Vinnie, I mean,
sure you didn't recognize
485
00:22:10,869 --> 00:22:12,994
the... oh, yeah, yeah.
486
00:22:13,078 --> 00:22:14,427
Oh, yeah!
487
00:22:14,511 --> 00:22:16,033
Hey, come on, Vinnie!
488
00:22:16,117 --> 00:22:17,859
Even I knew it was Dolores.
489
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,338
I mean...
490
00:22:19,571 --> 00:22:21,098
[indistinct chatter]
491
00:22:21,181 --> 00:22:22,969
Vinnie. Vinnie, Vinnie,
come on!
492
00:22:23,052 --> 00:22:24,275
Hey, guys.
493
00:22:24,358 --> 00:22:25,816
Vinnie!
494
00:22:32,034 --> 00:22:34,665
So, that's Dolores DelVecchio.
495
00:22:35,111 --> 00:22:38,484
[theme music]
496
00:22:50,664 --> 00:22:52,124
Okay, okay.
497
00:22:52,307 --> 00:22:53,505
Voila!
498
00:22:53,589 --> 00:22:55,329
Here it is.
499
00:22:55,412 --> 00:22:56,978
What... Honey, I don't think
500
00:22:57,055 --> 00:22:59,558
it looks anything like me.
501
00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:04,106
On second thought...
502
00:23:05,723 --> 00:23:07,333
You're right, it doesn't
look anything like you.
503
00:23:07,417 --> 00:23:09,057
Come on.
504
00:23:10,623 --> 00:23:12,125
- Julie.
- Oh!
505
00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:15,330
Did I tell you
about my Uncle Willie?
506
00:23:15,413 --> 00:23:16,395
Um, Gabe,
what does your Uncle Willie
507
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,223
have to do with my portrait?
508
00:23:18,273 --> 00:23:19,316
You see, my Uncle Willie
509
00:23:19,316 --> 00:23:21,196
looked exactly
like James Cagney.
510
00:23:21,279 --> 00:23:22,738
Every time he went anywhere,
people would say
511
00:23:22,821 --> 00:23:24,170
"Hey, aren't you James Cagney?"
512
00:23:24,243 --> 00:23:25,444
And all his life, he had to say
513
00:23:25,445 --> 00:23:27,415
"No, I'm not James Cagney,"
right?
514
00:23:27,416 --> 00:23:28,677
So, one day this beautiful lady
515
00:23:28,677 --> 00:23:32,201
comes up to him,
she says, "James Cagney!"
516
00:23:32,234 --> 00:23:35,333
And my Uncle Willie says,
"No, I am not James Cagney."
517
00:23:35,417 --> 00:23:37,560
And she says,
"Well, that's too bad.
518
00:23:37,643 --> 00:23:41,080
You know, I always wanted
to make love to James Cagney."
519
00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:42,749
Yeah.
520
00:23:43,607 --> 00:23:44,809
- You know what my uncle said?
- No.
521
00:23:44,892 --> 00:23:46,061
What did he say?
522
00:23:46,145 --> 00:23:50,024
[imitates James Cagney]
"You dirty rat.
You come with me."
523
00:23:50,025 --> 00:23:51,457
[both laughing]
524
00:23:51,540 --> 00:23:54,913
[theme music]
525
00:24:00,114 --> 00:24:02,964
[theme song]
526
00:24:07,295 --> 00:24:10,128
♪ Welcome back ♪
527
00:24:10,211 --> 00:24:13,914
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
528
00:24:13,997 --> 00:24:16,047
♪ Welcome back ♪
529
00:24:16,130 --> 00:24:20,920
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
530
00:24:21,003 --> 00:24:25,230
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
531
00:24:25,313 --> 00:24:29,800
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
532
00:24:29,883 --> 00:24:31,845
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
533
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:33,673
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
534
00:24:33,756 --> 00:24:35,762
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
535
00:24:35,845 --> 00:24:37,938
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
536
00:24:38,021 --> 00:24:42,116
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
537
00:24:42,199 --> 00:24:44,380
♪ Welcome back ♪
538
00:24:44,463 --> 00:24:48,645
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
539
00:24:48,728 --> 00:24:53,733
♪ Welcome back welcome back
welcome back ♪
540
00:24:53,820 --> 00:24:57,523
♪ We always could
spot a friend ♪
541
00:24:57,606 --> 00:24:59,656
♪ Welcome back ♪
542
00:24:59,739 --> 00:25:04,443
♪ And I smile when I think
how you must have been ♪
543
00:25:04,526 --> 00:25:05,701
♪ And I know... ♪♪
39499
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