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[Gabe narrating] On the last episode
of "Welcome Back, Kotter..."
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00:00:03,819 --> 00:00:06,256
Okay, your contractions start,
you time them.
3
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,082
When they're four minutes apart
you call me.
4
00:00:08,082 --> 00:00:09,043
Uh-huh.
5
00:00:09,126 --> 00:00:12,148
If your water breaks,
don't touch the toaster.
6
00:00:16,597 --> 00:00:18,381
Heya, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie!
7
00:00:18,464 --> 00:00:20,685
Now, come on, you don't wanna be
late on the first day of school
8
00:00:20,768 --> 00:00:21,568
now do you?
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00:00:21,568 --> 00:00:24,472
I can't go in there,
I got left back.
10
00:00:26,691 --> 00:00:30,035
Vinnie, Vinnie, that's not why
I'm going to the hospital!
11
00:00:30,118 --> 00:00:31,578
Why not?
12
00:00:32,081 --> 00:00:37,045
Haven't you noticed that I've...
Put on a little weight lately?
13
00:00:37,128 --> 00:00:38,707
Yeah, that's on account of,
you know?
14
00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:40,250
Yeah.
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00:00:40,412 --> 00:00:41,612
You're ready
to do that right now?
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Yeah.
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00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:52,084
[Mr. Woodman over PA]
Now here this, all hands on
deck, notify the captain
18
00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:55,061
his wife is having a baby.
19
00:01:04,459 --> 00:01:07,831
[theme song]
20
00:01:08,245 --> 00:01:10,947
♪ Welcome back ♪
21
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:14,472
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
22
00:01:14,555 --> 00:01:17,171
♪ Welcome back ♪
23
00:01:17,254 --> 00:01:21,741
♪ To that same old
place that you laughed about ♪
24
00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:25,919
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
25
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:30,500
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
26
00:01:30,583 --> 00:01:32,806
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
27
00:01:32,889 --> 00:01:34,634
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
28
00:01:34,717 --> 00:01:36,854
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
29
00:01:36,937 --> 00:01:38,682
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
30
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:42,947
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
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00:01:43,030 --> 00:01:45,297
♪ Welcome back ♪
32
00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:50,145
♪ Welcome back
welcome back welcome back ♪♪
33
00:02:03,919 --> 00:02:05,681
Now, look, now you don't worry
about nothing, alright?
34
00:02:05,764 --> 00:02:07,244
I'm gonna take care
of everything here
35
00:02:07,306 --> 00:02:09,329
you just go have your baby
and relax, alright?
36
00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,429
Okay, thanks, Vinnie.
37
00:02:11,692 --> 00:02:12,669
Name?
38
00:02:12,752 --> 00:02:14,494
Vinnie Barbarino.
39
00:02:18,699 --> 00:02:23,084
Barbarino, Vinnie...
And the mother's name?
40
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,986
The mother's name?
41
00:02:25,069 --> 00:02:28,702
Uh, Maria Theresa Angelina
Barbarino.
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00:02:30,863 --> 00:02:32,225
And her age?
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00:02:32,308 --> 00:02:34,746
Oh, she'll say 38,
but you better put down 40
44
00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:36,251
alright?
45
00:02:37,075 --> 00:02:40,796
Okay, and uh, what month
is this for her?
46
00:02:42,417 --> 00:02:44,279
What month is this for her?
47
00:02:44,362 --> 00:02:47,532
The same month
that it is for you and me.
48
00:02:49,407 --> 00:02:51,388
No-no-no-no-no-no, I mean,
how many months
49
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,517
has mother been pregnant?
50
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,583
Who said my mother was pregnant?
51
00:02:56,617 --> 00:02:57,976
I'll break his face.
52
00:02:58,059 --> 00:03:01,149
My mother ain't been pregnant
since she had me.
53
00:03:01,218 --> 00:03:04,242
Then she figured,
why tamper with success?
54
00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:09,021
I'm not talking about
your mother, Mr. Barbarino.
55
00:03:09,104 --> 00:03:12,463
Well, you better not
talk about my mother.
56
00:03:12,546 --> 00:03:14,885
Uh, Mr. Barbarino, would you
mind if we just
57
00:03:14,968 --> 00:03:16,286
started at the beginning?
58
00:03:16,369 --> 00:03:18,568
Alright, the beginning, alright
this is what happened, right?
59
00:03:18,651 --> 00:03:21,971
Mr. Woodman leaves me back,
right, cause I missed this test
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00:03:22,054 --> 00:03:23,776
that I was supposed to make up,
alright?
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00:03:23,776 --> 00:03:25,534
So, I get upset,
I got to Mr. Kotter
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00:03:25,617 --> 00:03:26,798
I say, "Help me," alright?
63
00:03:26,798 --> 00:03:28,277
So he says,
"I can't help you Vinnie."
64
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,442
so I go, I go to Mrs. Kotter's
house...
65
00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:33,124
Uh, Mr. Barbarino,
uh, hold it, time out.
66
00:03:33,144 --> 00:03:34,985
I would just like the name
of the pregnant woman
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00:03:34,985 --> 00:03:37,568
that was wheeled down the hall
a few moments ago.
68
00:03:37,588 --> 00:03:39,569
That's what I was getting to,
that's Mrs. Kotter
69
00:03:39,569 --> 00:03:41,449
that's all part of the story
I was gonna tell you this.
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00:03:41,532 --> 00:03:44,690
Splendid, "Mrs. Kotter?"
71
00:03:44,773 --> 00:03:45,794
Mrs. Kotter, yeah.
72
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:47,659
And who is Mr. Kotter?
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00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:49,163
Well that... that's my teacher.
74
00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:50,120
What?
75
00:03:50,203 --> 00:03:51,965
Alright, he's my ex-teacher now.
76
00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:55,819
Well, given what you've done
I'm not surprised.
77
00:03:57,928 --> 00:03:59,277
Uh, excuse me?
78
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,440
I'm Mr. Kotter.
79
00:04:01,523 --> 00:04:03,764
I know who you are.
80
00:04:04,866 --> 00:04:06,969
Now, now Mr. Kotter,
I know how you
81
00:04:06,969 --> 00:04:11,554
and your associates here
must feel, but please no trouble
82
00:04:11,594 --> 00:04:14,838
I mean these things are
best handled within the law.
83
00:04:14,858 --> 00:04:16,019
What are you talking about?
84
00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:17,219
I don't care
what you're talking about.
85
00:04:17,219 --> 00:04:19,521
- Where's my wife?
- She's in a labor room.
86
00:04:19,522 --> 00:04:20,981
"Labor room?"
87
00:04:22,988 --> 00:04:27,318
They're making her work
at a time like this?
88
00:04:30,193 --> 00:04:31,434
Where's the labor room?
89
00:04:31,517 --> 00:04:33,320
It's down the hall that way.
90
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:35,161
Thank you.
91
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:40,438
Hi there.
92
00:04:40,761 --> 00:04:42,654
This must be your first.
93
00:04:46,332 --> 00:04:48,182
My first what?
94
00:04:49,037 --> 00:04:50,376
First baby.
95
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:51,919
Baby!
96
00:04:52,003 --> 00:04:55,726
Hey, come on now, little Arnold
here just reached puberty.
97
00:04:58,017 --> 00:05:00,922
Yeah, it happened a week ago
when I was watching
98
00:05:00,942 --> 00:05:02,884
"American Bandstand."
99
00:05:04,267 --> 00:05:07,832
My voice suddenly changed
from "Ooh, ooh-ooh,"
100
00:05:07,851 --> 00:05:11,995
to "Ooh, ooh-ooh!"
101
00:05:13,037 --> 00:05:16,061
Well then, this kids stuff
is a snap.
102
00:05:16,144 --> 00:05:17,602
This is my eighth.
103
00:05:17,686 --> 00:05:19,767
Eighth, yeah.
104
00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:22,853
It's nice to see ya
out of the house.
105
00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:28,282
Well... here we are.
106
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,082
It worked.
107
00:05:37,974 --> 00:05:41,235
So, this is what it's like
to be a grown up.
108
00:05:41,318 --> 00:05:43,441
Oh, ooh, ooh!
109
00:05:43,525 --> 00:05:45,404
Julie, Julie, you okay?
110
00:05:45,487 --> 00:05:47,583
Uh-huh, fine, uh, ooh!
111
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:49,929
You don't sound so fine.
112
00:05:50,012 --> 00:05:51,472
Ooh, ooh!
113
00:05:51,721 --> 00:05:53,934
[panting]
114
00:05:54,017 --> 00:05:57,400
This is no time to be doing
Arnold Horshack imitations.
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00:05:58,664 --> 00:06:00,600
Come on, sit up.
116
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:04,488
Look, you sure this
natural childbirth thing
117
00:06:04,571 --> 00:06:05,589
is a good idea?
118
00:06:05,673 --> 00:06:07,783
Of course it's a good idea.
119
00:06:09,011 --> 00:06:10,796
I don't know, I mean, you know,
it's still not too late
120
00:06:10,879 --> 00:06:12,819
to change your mind,
what do you think?
121
00:06:12,902 --> 00:06:14,707
And do what?
122
00:06:16,486 --> 00:06:18,907
Have an unnatural childbirth?
123
00:06:21,538 --> 00:06:24,238
It's not too late, if you want
an anesthetic, you know?
124
00:06:24,321 --> 00:06:25,883
They'll give you one,
if you can't use it, uh
125
00:06:25,883 --> 00:06:27,863
they'll give it to me.
126
00:06:29,106 --> 00:06:30,565
Honey, relax.
127
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:34,729
I'm relaxed, I'm relaxed,
I'm just a little tense.
128
00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:38,193
It's okay, you know it takes
a strong man
129
00:06:38,276 --> 00:06:40,955
to be this open and sensitive.
130
00:06:41,039 --> 00:06:43,139
- It does?
- Uh-huh.
131
00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:46,101
And I can really feel
your love, honey.
132
00:06:46,184 --> 00:06:47,462
You can?
133
00:06:47,545 --> 00:06:50,767
Yeah, you're gonna be
a wonderful father.
134
00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:54,554
Oh, thank you, honey, that's
really sweet of you to say that.
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00:06:55,918 --> 00:06:57,778
Now, can you say it one more
time about this strong
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00:06:57,861 --> 00:07:00,323
and sensitive and this time...
137
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:06,832
Now, now, now, that's how
we got here in the first place.
138
00:07:06,915 --> 00:07:08,971
Oh, Dr. Melman, how're ya doing?
139
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,318
- How are ya?
- How are ya, doctor?
140
00:07:11,401 --> 00:07:14,530
Well, now then, let's see
how we're doing here.
141
00:07:14,530 --> 00:07:16,847
Incidentally Julie,
did I ever tell you
142
00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:19,613
Gabe was one of the first babies
I ever delivered.
143
00:07:19,696 --> 00:07:23,133
Yeah, but don't worry,
I'm a lot better at it now.
144
00:07:25,505 --> 00:07:27,863
Oh, we're getting closer!
145
00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:30,568
Don't go away,
I'll be right back.
146
00:07:31,991 --> 00:07:33,732
Hi there!
147
00:07:34,572 --> 00:07:35,672
You mind if I come in?
148
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,835
No, wait a minute, I'm sorry,
but this is only for members
149
00:07:37,918 --> 00:07:39,917
of the immediate family.
150
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,003
It's okay, doctor,
you see I'm the cousin
151
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,329
they don't talk about.
152
00:07:52,156 --> 00:07:55,224
You see, I'm the white sheep
of the family.
153
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,263
Oh, a kidder?
154
00:07:58,346 --> 00:08:00,586
It's alright, I like a kidder.
155
00:08:01,529 --> 00:08:03,633
Freddie, uh, I think you better
wait outside.
156
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,716
No, no, it's okay,
come on in Freddie.
157
00:08:05,799 --> 00:08:07,322
Oh, this ain't gonna take long,
'cause I know you all
158
00:08:07,322 --> 00:08:09,422
got a lotta things to do,
but um...
159
00:08:10,530 --> 00:08:13,472
...this is from all of the guys
to you, Mrs. Kotter.
160
00:08:13,555 --> 00:08:15,328
Thank you, Freddie, how nice!
161
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,239
- That was really nice of you.
- Oh, think nothing of it.
162
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,802
Honey, why don't you read
the card?
163
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,127
The card, what a minute,
what card?
164
00:08:20,127 --> 00:08:23,350
Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait,
don't touch the card!
165
00:08:27,861 --> 00:08:30,923
"Dear, Manny, good luck
with your kidney stones."
166
00:08:38,754 --> 00:08:40,214
Freddie.
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00:08:40,797 --> 00:08:44,380
Hey, look, it's alright,
Mr. Kotter, I mean, I mean
168
00:08:44,463 --> 00:08:46,206
a guy, a guy doesn't need
flowers just because
169
00:08:46,206 --> 00:08:48,427
his kidneys got stoned.
170
00:08:50,693 --> 00:08:53,134
See you later, Freddie.
171
00:08:53,217 --> 00:08:55,237
Yeah, see ya later.
172
00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:58,242
Oh, you going, huh?
173
00:08:58,325 --> 00:08:59,826
White sheep.
174
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,210
So long, kidder.
175
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:07,035
Well, boy and girl,
let's go have a baby.
176
00:09:07,151 --> 00:09:08,433
Alright, be very careful, guys
177
00:09:08,516 --> 00:09:09,997
this is the only wife
I have, alright?
178
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,476
Don't worry.
179
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:15,801
Don't worry, we haven't dropped
anyone all day.
180
00:09:15,884 --> 00:09:17,463
- Take it easy!
- This your first time?
181
00:09:17,546 --> 00:09:18,905
Yeah it is.
182
00:09:18,988 --> 00:09:22,818
Oh, my God, our first baby.
183
00:09:22,893 --> 00:09:26,309
We're really
going through with it!
184
00:09:26,392 --> 00:09:28,176
You know something, honey?
185
00:09:28,259 --> 00:09:30,599
I'm a little scared.
186
00:09:30,682 --> 00:09:33,140
Don't worry, Julie,
everything's gonna be fine.
187
00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:37,256
Hey, did I ever tell you
the story about the...
188
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:40,466
...man who loved
his wife very much?
189
00:09:40,549 --> 00:09:42,594
Yeah, I like that one.
190
00:09:42,677 --> 00:09:45,046
I'm glad to say I know it.
191
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,801
Are you cryin'?
192
00:09:49,045 --> 00:09:50,885
No, I...
193
00:09:51,628 --> 00:09:54,174
I just had an onion sandwich.
194
00:09:59,438 --> 00:10:01,839
Julie, I love you very much.
195
00:10:02,719 --> 00:10:04,141
I'll see you later.
196
00:10:04,224 --> 00:10:06,378
You'll see us later.
197
00:10:23,298 --> 00:10:25,619
Hey, nurse, I wanna make a
complaint about this here
198
00:10:25,702 --> 00:10:26,662
vending machine!
199
00:10:26,745 --> 00:10:28,168
Did you use the correct change?
200
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:31,664
Yeah, I just lost a good
dime slug and nickel slug.
201
00:10:32,672 --> 00:10:34,335
Why did I ever leave
intensive care?
202
00:10:34,418 --> 00:10:37,681
It was always so nice
and quiet there.
203
00:10:38,503 --> 00:10:40,345
Bet you liked that, huh?
204
00:10:40,428 --> 00:10:43,631
Anybody gives you any trouble,
you just pull the old plug
205
00:10:43,714 --> 00:10:45,814
on 'em, huh?
206
00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,802
Well, there is another
vending machine in the lobby.
207
00:10:55,885 --> 00:10:57,932
Oh, and if that one doesn't
work, why don't you try
208
00:10:58,015 --> 00:11:01,734
our sister hospital in Burma!
209
00:11:03,770 --> 00:11:06,176
Hey, Vinnie, how do we
get to Burma?
210
00:11:06,259 --> 00:11:07,719
- Burma?
- Yup.
211
00:11:10,065 --> 00:11:12,937
Let's see now, how do you get
to Burma, I know that.
212
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:16,501
You see, you gotta take
the D train to the Bronx
213
00:11:16,583 --> 00:11:18,203
and transfer there.
214
00:11:18,285 --> 00:11:21,292
Or, wait, maybe it's
the A train.
215
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:24,813
I forget, I used to know that,
but I... I forget.
216
00:11:25,694 --> 00:11:28,414
Oh, you guys aren't you
all excited?
217
00:11:29,992 --> 00:11:33,781
Excited, why did you see
a cute nurse, or what?
218
00:11:35,449 --> 00:11:38,620
I love those white stockings
where you can see the...
219
00:11:39,354 --> 00:11:41,694
Hey, Epstein, that number
with the flowers
220
00:11:41,777 --> 00:11:43,757
that went over pretty big.
221
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,459
Hey, why don't you check in with
that dude Manny, you know
222
00:11:45,542 --> 00:11:47,784
that cat with them
stoned kidneys?
223
00:11:47,867 --> 00:11:49,789
I think somebody sent him some
chocolate turtles.
224
00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:51,949
Yeah, yeah, eh that's
a good idea
225
00:11:51,949 --> 00:11:53,731
I mean he doesn't need
that junk anyway, you know?
226
00:11:53,751 --> 00:11:55,908
The sugar, it rots
you out inside.
227
00:11:55,991 --> 00:11:58,322
Hey, Arnold, let's go
to the lobby, huh?
228
00:11:58,405 --> 00:12:00,673
♪ Lets all go to the lobby ♪
229
00:12:00,756 --> 00:12:02,762
♪ Lets all go to the lobby ♪
230
00:12:02,845 --> 00:12:05,325
♪ Lets all go to the lobby ♪
231
00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:06,625
♪ To have ourselves a treat ♪♪
232
00:12:06,708 --> 00:12:08,165
Yeah!
233
00:12:10,202 --> 00:12:12,443
Where'd those guys go,
the lobby?
234
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,607
How are ya doing?
235
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:19,073
Okay, okay, thanks for coming,
Freddie, Vinnie.
236
00:12:20,838 --> 00:12:23,207
Hey, what's with that guy
over there?
237
00:12:26,908 --> 00:12:29,369
I think he od'd on fatherhood.
238
00:12:31,148 --> 00:12:32,846
Look, I gotta talk to him in
private, like, alright?
239
00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:33,988
- Oh, no problem.
- Alright.
240
00:12:34,071 --> 00:12:36,179
I wanna talk to you.
241
00:12:36,179 --> 00:12:39,452
Um, I'm really glad about what
happens, you know?
242
00:12:39,453 --> 00:12:41,423
Mrs. Kotter and everything,
it's all really turned out
243
00:12:41,424 --> 00:12:42,464
cool and everything, alright?
244
00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:44,207
- Thanks a lot, Vinnie.
- That's good.
245
00:12:44,290 --> 00:12:46,592
Uh, but there are more important
things going on in life too
246
00:12:46,675 --> 00:12:48,135
you know?
247
00:12:48,999 --> 00:12:52,436
Like me getting left back,
I mean that's a big problem.
248
00:12:52,866 --> 00:12:54,585
Vinnie, do you really think
I can concentrate
249
00:12:54,668 --> 00:12:56,307
on anything else other than
what's going on
250
00:12:56,390 --> 00:12:58,129
in that delivery room?
251
00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:00,131
Well, look man, the chances
are that Mrs. Kotter's
252
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:02,035
gonna come outta
that delivery room, alright?
253
00:13:02,035 --> 00:13:03,578
But I'm not so sure about
the chances of me
254
00:13:03,578 --> 00:13:05,678
getting out outta
the tenth grade.
255
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,703
Vinnie, I promise you you'll get
out of the tenth grade, okay?
256
00:13:10,785 --> 00:13:13,826
Well there he is,
a man who's about to spend
257
00:13:13,909 --> 00:13:16,422
his entire life
in the tenth grade.
258
00:13:16,423 --> 00:13:18,792
See what I mean, you see that?
259
00:13:18,977 --> 00:13:21,419
Hey, Vinnie, Vinnie, my man,
don't worry about it.
260
00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:24,004
Let's go down
to the nurse's lounge.
261
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:26,766
Hey, maybe they'll let you
donate your body.
262
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:27,649
Check it out.
263
00:13:27,732 --> 00:13:30,035
That's a good idea, I'll get
my mind off the situation.
264
00:13:30,056 --> 00:13:31,238
- Yeah.
- Now, don't tell them.
265
00:13:31,238 --> 00:13:33,959
I got left back, right?
266
00:13:34,042 --> 00:13:36,646
♪ Lets all go to the lobby ♪
267
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:40,871
♪ Lets all go to the lobby ♪♪
268
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:43,019
They're going to the lobby.
269
00:13:43,727 --> 00:13:45,670
What are you doing here,
Mr. Woodman?
270
00:13:45,753 --> 00:13:48,314
I guess I'm sort of sentimental,
Kotter, I like to be around
271
00:13:48,397 --> 00:13:51,300
when a new delinquent
is brought into the world.
272
00:13:52,723 --> 00:13:54,860
Oh, come on, Mr. Woodman,
admit it!
273
00:13:54,943 --> 00:13:57,027
You're here because you care.
274
00:13:57,110 --> 00:13:59,373
You keep this up and I'll leave.
275
00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:02,595
I didn't plan to come here,
I was passing by.
276
00:14:02,678 --> 00:14:04,962
My bus suddenly caught fire.
277
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:11,590
I ran for my life and don't ask
me how, I found myself here.
278
00:14:12,833 --> 00:14:15,375
Thanks for coming, Mr. Woodman.
279
00:14:16,338 --> 00:14:17,798
So, uh...
280
00:14:19,841 --> 00:14:21,982
How's she doing, Kotter?
281
00:14:22,065 --> 00:14:23,914
Julie's fine.
282
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:28,192
I'm so-so.
283
00:14:29,371 --> 00:14:31,293
Well, remember, Gabe, there's
nothing to worry about.
284
00:14:31,376 --> 00:14:34,546
I've had a little experience
with this sort of thing.
285
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,501
You?
286
00:14:37,123 --> 00:14:39,785
Yeah, I got as girl
in trouble once.
287
00:14:41,378 --> 00:14:43,580
You got a girl in trouble?
288
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,943
Well, sort of...
289
00:14:47,258 --> 00:14:50,428
I was going with a strange girl
named Eunice Tishman.
290
00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:54,113
She was convinced
that once of her legs
291
00:14:54,196 --> 00:14:56,031
was shorter than the other.
292
00:14:57,641 --> 00:14:59,743
But she was fun.
293
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:04,168
Every day after school,
we'd go shopping for shoes.
294
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:07,929
Mr. Woodman, this sounds like
it's gonna be worse
295
00:15:08,012 --> 00:15:10,112
than one of my stories.
296
00:15:10,235 --> 00:15:12,607
No, it's not that bad, Kotter.
297
00:15:14,099 --> 00:15:15,979
No, it's got a big finish.
298
00:15:16,062 --> 00:15:19,766
Now, one day Eunice and I found
this all night shoe store.
299
00:15:20,007 --> 00:15:22,664
There was only one salesman.
300
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,690
Now, try to picture this
in your mind.
301
00:15:25,773 --> 00:15:29,535
A lonely guy, nothing to do
between midnight and 7:00 a.m.
302
00:15:29,618 --> 00:15:31,642
But buff wedgies.
303
00:15:36,584 --> 00:15:39,089
Not your average guy.
304
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,108
Neither are you Mr. Woodman.
305
00:15:42,659 --> 00:15:45,342
Lemme tell you, he knew feet.
306
00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:48,228
Right away, he spots Eunice
as one of his own people
307
00:15:48,311 --> 00:15:50,835
he lets her try on every shoe
in that place.
308
00:15:50,876 --> 00:15:53,794
Pumps, sandals, keds, the works!
309
00:15:53,794 --> 00:15:57,174
And he convinces her
her legs are the same size!
310
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,483
Where is this story going,
Mr. Woodman?
311
00:16:00,566 --> 00:16:03,209
Hang in there, Kotter,
I'm bringing it home.
312
00:16:04,873 --> 00:16:07,776
Naturally, Eunice falls madly
in love with this guy.
313
00:16:08,579 --> 00:16:12,037
Even though he's older,
with higher arches.
314
00:16:15,171 --> 00:16:18,734
And now, are you ready for this?
315
00:16:19,586 --> 00:16:23,392
They ran off together to a shoe
convention in Salt Lake City.
316
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,822
Yeah?
317
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:35,252
They ran off together to a shoe
convention in Salt Lake City.
318
00:16:36,437 --> 00:16:39,320
Well, I don't understand,
how did you get her in trouble?
319
00:16:39,403 --> 00:16:40,863
Kotter, don't you get it,
I'm the one who took her
320
00:16:40,946 --> 00:16:43,883
to the shoe store
in the first place!
321
00:16:52,738 --> 00:16:56,884
Mr. Woodman, over the years
we haven't been close
322
00:16:56,884 --> 00:16:59,465
but I wanna give you some advice
as a friend
323
00:16:59,548 --> 00:17:01,876
never tell that story again.
324
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,416
[making siren sounds]
325
00:17:21,858 --> 00:17:24,058
This is really a fun place,
Mr. Kotter.
326
00:17:24,141 --> 00:17:25,841
Uh, we just took Arnold
up to plastic surgery
327
00:17:25,924 --> 00:17:27,904
for an estimate.
328
00:17:32,895 --> 00:17:35,836
Hey, Mr. Woodman, what are
you doing in the hospital?
329
00:17:35,919 --> 00:17:37,960
I like the food.
330
00:17:40,868 --> 00:17:43,567
I couldn't believe it myself.
331
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:44,891
I couldn't believe...
Oh, here they are.
332
00:17:44,891 --> 00:17:46,951
Here they are, they're the ones
who left me back.
333
00:17:47,034 --> 00:17:48,886
Go operate on 'em.
334
00:17:48,896 --> 00:17:52,696
Hey, Vinnie, my man, these are
student nurses, not surgeons.
335
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,919
I know, it's better that way,
that way when they operate
336
00:17:55,002 --> 00:17:57,223
they don't know
what they're doing.
337
00:17:57,762 --> 00:17:59,082
Cork it, clowns!
338
00:17:59,166 --> 00:18:01,709
Show some respect,
Mrs. Kotter's having a baby!
339
00:18:01,709 --> 00:18:03,228
Hey look, you show respect
your way
340
00:18:03,311 --> 00:18:05,667
we'll show respect our way,
alright?
341
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:06,871
Alright guys,
come on, cut it out
342
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,053
otherwise, we'll have
Mr. Woodman
343
00:18:08,136 --> 00:18:10,289
tell you his shoe story.
344
00:18:13,211 --> 00:18:14,910
Let's go, come on,
Epstein, Horshack
345
00:18:14,993 --> 00:18:15,893
put the wheelchair back.
346
00:18:15,893 --> 00:18:17,159
Yes, sir.
347
00:18:17,243 --> 00:18:20,244
Washington, Barbarino,
put the girls back.
348
00:18:20,328 --> 00:18:22,285
Let the girls
go back to their jobs.
349
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,108
I'll catch you after work, baby.
350
00:18:24,191 --> 00:18:27,693
Wear those white stockings too,
I like that.
351
00:18:27,895 --> 00:18:29,714
Let's not make a circus
out of this, okay?
352
00:18:29,797 --> 00:18:31,700
Hey, relax, Mr. Kotter,
there's nothing
353
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,896
to having this baby stuff!
354
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:36,361
Come on now,
my mother's had 10 of 'em.
355
00:18:36,445 --> 00:18:38,103
- Really?
- That's right.
356
00:18:38,186 --> 00:18:40,383
Most of 'em are normal.
357
00:18:41,634 --> 00:18:44,115
Except for my
brother Sanchez, but...
358
00:18:44,198 --> 00:18:46,374
Hey, look these things
happen, you know?
359
00:18:46,419 --> 00:18:49,322
At least they let him
come home every Christmas!
360
00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,542
No, really, Mr. Kotter,
there ain't no problem here
361
00:18:51,624 --> 00:18:52,424
you know that?
362
00:18:52,425 --> 00:18:55,426
I mean if it's ugly,
we just switch babies.
363
00:19:00,042 --> 00:19:02,391
- Vinnie--
- Look, it's very simple.
364
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:06,686
You tiptoe into the baby room,
then you take the ugly baby out.
365
00:19:06,769 --> 00:19:09,038
- And then put in--
- Alright, that's enough.
366
00:19:09,121 --> 00:19:11,318
Alright, sit down, sit down!
367
00:19:12,237 --> 00:19:16,802
Two hours and ten minutes,
I wanna know what's going on!
368
00:19:16,885 --> 00:19:18,557
I wanna know what's
going on in there.
369
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:21,516
Two hours and ten minutes,
why don't they say something?
370
00:19:21,556 --> 00:19:22,731
I'm going in there, I'm tell...
371
00:19:22,778 --> 00:19:24,657
- Mr. Kotter?
- What?
372
00:19:24,741 --> 00:19:27,678
Allow me to put
your fears to rest.
373
00:19:29,227 --> 00:19:33,752
We are all here
to witness a miracle.
374
00:19:35,095 --> 00:19:38,156
The miracle of birth
and Mr. Kotter...
375
00:19:38,239 --> 00:19:40,799
miracles cannot be rushed.
376
00:19:40,882 --> 00:19:44,006
Look, Arnold I am...
377
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:51,043
Arnold, what you just said,
that was beautiful
378
00:19:51,127 --> 00:19:52,429
it made a lot of sense.
379
00:19:52,429 --> 00:19:57,232
Of course, births cannot
be rushed!
380
00:19:57,315 --> 00:20:02,471
For example, first the stork
has to be notified.
381
00:20:04,284 --> 00:20:05,947
I'm going in there.
382
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:07,859
- Oh, no.
- Mr. Kotter, relax!
383
00:20:07,942 --> 00:20:10,206
Five minute, five minutes...
384
00:20:10,289 --> 00:20:12,001
- Hey, Gabe. Gabe. Gabe!
- Melman.
385
00:20:12,004 --> 00:20:14,300
You got five minutes,
if you don't--
386
00:20:14,383 --> 00:20:15,760
Congratulations.
387
00:20:15,843 --> 00:20:16,805
What? What is it?
388
00:20:16,888 --> 00:20:18,494
You're the father
of a bouncing--
389
00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:21,125
Excuse me doctor!
390
00:20:21,302 --> 00:20:23,194
- What, what?
- Sit tight.
391
00:20:24,109 --> 00:20:25,945
He said it was bouncing.
392
00:20:27,705 --> 00:20:28,804
- Wait a minute, wait!
- Hey, hey!
393
00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:29,916
Take it easy!
394
00:20:29,999 --> 00:20:31,099
Mr. Kotter would you calm down!
395
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:32,670
He didn't say what was bouncing!
396
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,412
Why would he come in here
and say something was bouncing?
397
00:20:35,494 --> 00:20:39,285
What's bouncing, am I the father
of a ball, or what?
398
00:20:39,369 --> 00:20:41,185
Is there a doctor in the house?
399
00:20:41,268 --> 00:20:44,036
"Bouncing," that's all he said,
"Bouncing."
400
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,778
Okay, just, just,
it's gonna be alright
401
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:48,606
the doctor's gonna be here soon,
alright, alright?
402
00:20:48,689 --> 00:20:51,059
Why didn't he say
what was bouncing?
403
00:20:52,388 --> 00:20:53,742
Doc, what's bouncing?
404
00:20:53,825 --> 00:20:58,024
Gabe, make that bouncing babies.
405
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:04,328
Twins?
406
00:21:04,411 --> 00:21:06,630
Girls, girls, Gabe!
407
00:21:06,713 --> 00:21:07,878
[laughing]
408
00:21:07,961 --> 00:21:10,624
Twins, the mother and daughters
are doing fine.
409
00:21:10,624 --> 00:21:12,084
- Yes!
- Yay!
410
00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:14,649
[all cheering]
411
00:21:15,977 --> 00:21:18,636
Have a cigar, have a cigar,
have a cigar.
412
00:21:18,719 --> 00:21:20,246
I've never smoked
on of these before.
413
00:21:20,328 --> 00:21:25,164
♪ I've got bouncing baby girls
to a bed ♪
414
00:21:25,247 --> 00:21:27,166
♪ Bouncing here
bouncing there ♪
415
00:21:27,249 --> 00:21:29,081
♪ Bouncing everywhere ♪
416
00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:31,578
♪ Bouncing babies ♪
417
00:21:43,059 --> 00:21:44,519
You okay?
418
00:21:44,713 --> 00:21:46,173
Fine.
419
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,999
Have a cigar.
420
00:21:50,325 --> 00:21:51,785
Thanks.
421
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:55,220
Twins.
422
00:21:55,303 --> 00:21:57,763
I always was an overachiever.
423
00:21:59,430 --> 00:22:00,889
I don't understand, honey,
don't they usually
424
00:22:00,972 --> 00:22:02,278
know about things like that?
425
00:22:02,294 --> 00:22:04,970
Yeah, they do,
one of them was hiding.
426
00:22:07,741 --> 00:22:10,244
I love you, honey.
427
00:22:10,327 --> 00:22:12,307
[knock on door]
428
00:22:13,250 --> 00:22:16,532
I have a couple of visitors
who want to see you.
429
00:22:16,615 --> 00:22:18,375
Oh, I don't think right now.
430
00:22:18,458 --> 00:22:20,760
[nurse] Oh, I think it's okay.
431
00:22:23,686 --> 00:22:26,148
I think these two will be okay.
432
00:22:42,914 --> 00:22:44,754
I'm your daddy.
433
00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:49,578
She's talking to me.
434
00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:51,761
What's she saying?
435
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:56,403
She's saying
"Who is this masked man?"
436
00:23:00,132 --> 00:23:03,200
That's no masked man,
that's your father.
437
00:23:04,057 --> 00:23:08,213
Dada Kotter,
Kotter dada.
438
00:23:20,770 --> 00:23:23,139
[Gabe narrating] Next, on
"Welcome Back, Kotter..."
439
00:23:24,552 --> 00:23:26,814
Okay, here we go, girls.
440
00:23:26,898 --> 00:23:28,080
I know it's not
what you're used to
441
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,243
but it's gonna have
to do for now.
442
00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:33,947
And no complains or daddy'll
make you chip in for the rent.
443
00:23:34,328 --> 00:23:36,628
Vinnie, I'll tell ya what,
I promise as soon as we get
444
00:23:36,711 --> 00:23:38,954
settled, I'll talk to
Mr. Woodman and I'll get him
445
00:23:38,954 --> 00:23:40,737
to give you
the make-up test okay?
446
00:23:40,797 --> 00:23:43,196
But leave us alone for a while,
alright?
447
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,343
Go away, nobody's home!
448
00:23:46,882 --> 00:23:48,885
Nobody's home,
now that's enough!
449
00:23:48,968 --> 00:23:50,428
Go away!
450
00:23:50,747 --> 00:23:53,287
Go... Julie's mother and father!
451
00:23:53,370 --> 00:23:54,830
- What?
- Hey.
452
00:23:54,992 --> 00:23:57,656
We brought you
the finest everything.
453
00:23:57,739 --> 00:24:01,063
We have baby peas,
young lima beans
454
00:24:01,063 --> 00:24:04,605
and tender golden niblets.
455
00:24:04,848 --> 00:24:06,927
I just want them to leave.
456
00:24:07,010 --> 00:24:10,473
Don't worry,
it'll be taken care of.
457
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:17,199
I can't take it anymore.
458
00:24:17,282 --> 00:24:20,165
It's driving me cr-crazy.
459
00:24:21,180 --> 00:24:24,335
[theme song]
460
00:24:28,405 --> 00:24:31,455
♪ Welcome back ♪
461
00:24:31,538 --> 00:24:35,111
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
462
00:24:35,194 --> 00:24:37,374
♪ Welcome back ♪
463
00:24:37,457 --> 00:24:41,987
♪ To that same old
place that you laughed about ♪
464
00:24:42,070 --> 00:24:46,470
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
465
00:24:46,553 --> 00:24:50,866
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
466
00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:53,128
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
467
00:24:53,211 --> 00:24:54,913
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
468
00:24:54,996 --> 00:24:56,828
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
469
00:24:56,911 --> 00:24:59,135
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
470
00:24:59,218 --> 00:25:03,226
♪ yeah, we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
471
00:25:03,309 --> 00:25:04,701
♪ Welcome back ♪♪
35010
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