Original subtitles

♪♪

They're coming, they're coming.

Everybody gotta hide.

Come on, everybody has gotta hide.

Wait, wait, wait, hide? Hide?

Where we gonna hide? Hide where?

How about if we all just close our eyes?

Stupid Arnold.

- Where's the watch? - Yeah, I got it.

- You got it? Let me see. - Yeah.

- Here he is! - Surprise!

[students] Surprise!

What is this, what's goin' on here?

It's a surprise.

They wanted to show their appreciation

before the new semester begins.

But I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart,

I'm absolutely opposed to it!

Mr. Woodman, you're still as sweet as ever.

Don't mention it.

Thank all of you, I mean...

...I don't know what to say.

Just say you'll take us out to a movie.

[laughing]

You knew about this, didn't you?

Of course I knew.

Kids told me last week.

I told them a party wasn't necessary

since teaching at Buchanan has been a joy for you

since the first day.

Mmm.

Well, let's make that day two.

I remember that first day when I had the pleasure

of meeting these eager young minds for the first time.

♪♪

Good morning.

I'm your, uh, new homeroom teacher.

My name is Mr. Kotter.

I am looking forward to a meaningful

learning experience for everybody.

A meaningful learning experience, Mr. Kotter, wow!

Tell us more!

Oh, I'd be delighted to.

I'll also be your social studies instructor.

Social studies?

That's one of our favorites!

Can we begin right now?

Well, as soon as I get your names

I guess we'll get right into it.

Great, oh goody goody goody!

Now that I have succeeded in establishing a relationship.

A rapport...

...between myself and myself

I'd like to know who you are.

- Let us begin over here. - No, no.

We're gonna start over here.

Okay, we'll start over here.

Barbarino.

Vinnie Barbarino.

This is my place, and these

these are my people.

[cheering and applause]

Thank you, Chairman Barbarino.

- Who is this? - That...

...that is Epstein.

The toughest kid in school.

Voted most likely to take a life.

Epstein, huh?

Juan Louis Pedro Felipo de Huevos Epstein.

From San Juan.

Your mother's Puerto Rican?

No, my father.

My mother's name is Biberman.

Hi, there.

I'm Frederick Washington.

Freddie "boom boom" Washington.

What's the "boom boom" for?

♪ Boom boom boom boom boom boom ♪

I get it, I get it. You play the bass.

No, man, I just like to be doing this.

[wheezy laughter]

Who're you?

He's Horshack.

Horshack doesn't talk?

He talks when I tell him to talk.

Is that so, Horshack? You need him to tell you to talk?

You say nothing on your own volition?

Tell him to talk.

Talk, Horshack.

Hello.

How are ya?

I'm Arnold Horshack.

Which Arnold Horshack?

Arnold Horshack, the last.

Why the last Horshack?

Because, uh, after they made me

they broke the mold.

[wheezy laughing]

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

[Kotter] Welcome to the sweathog back to school special!

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪

♪♪

You know something, I guess that's the key to learning.

Students and teachers relating to each other

as mature people.

Come on, let's go.

[gong rings]

Hooray for Horshack!

♪ I don't care what the white man think ♪

Alright. Now loosen up.

We gotta loosen up here, alright?

Alright. Start to relax.

Start to feel who you are.

♪ I say a ba-ba-ba bar-Barbarino ♪

♪ Ba ba ba ba ba Barbarino ♪

♪ A ba-ba-ba ba-Barbarino ♪

♪ You got me rockin' and a rollin' ♪

♪ Barbarino ♪

♪ You got me rockin' and a reelin' ♪

♪ You got me rockin' whoa ♪

♪ You got me reelin' ♪

♪ Barbarino, oh, yeah ♪

Hey, shalom, amigo.

[laughing]

♪ I know I know I know ♪

Come to me, sesame!

Come to me, stop!

Stop!

I'm so confused.

Get bent, Barbarino!

[wheezy laughter]

♪ G-a-b ♪

Be a good boy.

♪ R-e-l ♪

Elevate our minds.

♪♪-o-t-t-r ♪

Kotter.

I got a very important note from home here.

Mr. Kotter.

I got a note explaining my absenteeism.

Hey, Mr. Kotter.

I got a note.

What's all this?

Those are the notes covering my absenteeism

for the rest of my life!

[laughing]

Stella!

♪ Hello ♪ ♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪ ♪ Hello ♪

Hi there. Hi there.

Hi there. Hi there.

Hi there.

Hi there. Hi there.

Hi there. Hi there.

One, two, three, four, five, six

seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ow!

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh!

[blows whistle]

I'm so confused!

[grunting]

[all] Good morning, Mr. Kotter.

We're all in our places with bright, shining faces.

Ahh!

♪ For what is a man ♪

- What has he got... - Got to be later Mr. Woodman.

- ...if by himself. - Thank you very much.

- Thank you. - He got nothing. Not a thing.

- Thank you. - He'll only fail.

I'm not the worst.

The one who kneels!

[theme music]

Hey, um, hey, um, Mrs. Kotter.

Remember the time you got pregnant

and your husband abandoned you? Remember that?

What are you talking about abandoned, Freddie

I was at a teacher's convention for two days.

Well, that's what I said.

Abandoned.

Who rushed to your side to help?

Help? Is that what it was?

♪ Doo doo doo doo ♪

- Hey, hey, hey! - Hey!

[clatter]

[screams]

Alright!

- Turn it off! - I'm trying!

Ahh!

We're being attacked by Laurence Welk!

Turn it off, dude! Turn it off!

[Epstein] Turn it off, Arnold!

Surprise!

♪♪

[laughter]

Yeah, if we're learning to be mature adults, Mr. Kotter

it's only because of you.

I mean, you're giving us the big time

perfect example of the role model.

A man that has it all together, alright.

Good morning, boys and girls.

I am a social studies robot.

Taxation without representation, huh, huh?

Alright? Take this!

And so, with the fall of Czar Nicholas

and the rise of the socialist proletariat

the Russian revolution, had come to a close. The end.

Did you hear about the 500-pound parrot?

He says, "Polly wants a cracker, now."

♪ And when it's twelve o' clock ♪

♪ We climb the stairs ♪

♪ We never knock ♪

♪ 'Cause nobody's there ♪

♪ Just me ♪

♪ And my shadow ♪

♪ All alone with me... ♪

Yeah, we're all alone, we're...

♪ Bum-bum-bum bum-bum-bum ♪

♪ bum-bum-bum bum-bum-bum ♪

♪ You'll be swell ♪

♪ You'll be great ♪

♪ You're gonna have the whole world on a plate ♪

Horshack, you say you're not satisfied.

You say you want more for your money.

Alright, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

With each and every test comes a coupon

entitling the bearer to a five-pound wedge

of fachamatta mozzarella cheese.

[blows raspberry]

Ehhh.

Wa-wa-wa.

♪ Once I built a railroad ♪

♪ Now it's dark ♪

♪ Buddy, can you spare a dime ♪

He's losing control, somebody do something, it's embarrassin'.

You see this? This is what I was talkin' about.

This is the power of the press.

Exposing corruption, unseating the mighty

and bringing them before the bar of justice!

See, he's out of control again.

Thank you, Arnold, how this elephant

got in my pajamas, I'll never know.

Oh, yes.

Used by a woman once again.

Well, look, you're a very interesting group of kids

and I'd love to go on talkin to ya forever

but it's time to play let's go to school.

Nya nya nya nya.

I searched here, and I searched there.

I'm searchin' for my Shanghai ale.

Hello.

How are ya?

I'm Arnold Horshack.

[wheezy laughter]

Now this is Epstein, the refried matzo ball king.

What are you doing, Kotter?

Groucho.

Well, my memory is excellent, Mr. Kotter.

And I never will forget the time

you helped me rescue my manhood.

Did I succeed?

[laughing]

All my life, people have been...

...trying to push me aside.

"Arnold, go to your room."

"Arnold, go outside and play."

"Arnold, we'll meet you after school."

Mr. Kotter.

I'm tired of being pushed aside.

I understand, Arnold.

But there are other ways to prove you're a man

besides fighting a big stark like Carvelli.

Mr. Kotter, sometimes a man

has to stand up for himself

even though he knows he's gonna land flat on his back.

Haven't you ever felt like that?

Arnold, if you really think that you have to do this...

...I'm behind you.

Mr. Kotter, how can I take

this report card home and show it to my mother?

That woman's a Saint.

I remember, your mother the Saint.

You're gonna be upset, huh?

You probably got no idea what it feels like

to get hit with beads.

Vinnie.

Do you think that I enjoy failing you?

Yeah. That's how you teachers get your jollies.

Well, I don't. Vinnie, you shouldn't be failing.

You're a kid with brains.

Look, man, if you don't get it together

you're gonna get left back.

And how would your mother like that?

Oh, no, she wouldn't like that.

Vinnie, I wanna help you, I just don't know what to do.

Hey, how about if I got you a tutor?

Somebody to work with you after school?

Hey, believe me, it's not gonna be that bad.

[sighs]

Alright.

But is there any way we could do this without books?

You know what I see when I look at you?

I see a sensitive, bright, energetic kid

that has a lot more goin' for him than muscle.

Oh, you see that? Where?

Where's that guy, show me where.

I'll show you where that guy is.

That guy is in here.

And that guy is in here.

Yeah, well, how about right here?

There's nothing in there, Juan.

It's empty.

Nothing.

[in a different accent] However you are going to meet a tall, dark stranger.

Face it Washington, you're not that good.

There are guys right here

in Buchanan who are better than you.

- Yeah, like who? Who? - Who?

- Who? Who? - Who? Who?

- Me. - You?

Hey, man, you better stay away from that blackboard

I think you must have sniffed too much of that chalk dust.

Hey, I'm serious, Freddie, basketball's my game.

And I'm challenging you, one on one.

Just you, me, and the basketball court.

Hey, Mr. Kotter, I mean, you outta shape, man.

Dig yourself, man.

If you was a building...

...you'd be condemned.

3:15 today, 20-point game.

Okay Mr. Kamikaze.

Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?

Twenty bucks say I win.

Hey, you know I'm not gonna play you for money.

Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna do.

If I win, you take the make-up test.

And if I win, you pass me.

I can't do that.

Hey, you can do anything, man, you the teacher.

You got a bet.

Okay, take it easy, tiger.

Get your wind back, you'll be alright in a minute.

Why?

What's that noise, Kotter?

Reena, oy!

It's my father's noise.

[knocks on door]

Hey, coach, is Mr. Kotter here?

Yes, he's on the couch, lying in state.

Hey, you mind if I talk to him alone for a minute?

Not at all, but you better hurry.

I don't think he has much more time.

Hi there.

Least you could do is sweat.

I did.

Hey, look, I'm ready to take that make-up test

if you still want me to.

Hey, I'm not welsher.

You win.

You beat me 20 to 16, you pass.

No, man, that was no beat man, you scored

16 points off of me, I mean, you.

I mean, you're almost twice my age, man.

I mean, you old enough to be my--

Older cousin.

Look, I've been thinking.

Maybe I don't have that contract all sewn up with the Knicks yet

but... I just think I'd better be coverin' all my bases.

I think that's a smart move, Freddie.

You know, man, you something else.

I mean, you really surprised me down there today.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

you still play pretty good

you still got it.

Yeah, I got it.

But I can't get it off the couch.

That was a real nice thing you did, you know that?

I can't think of anybody else who could've, like

you know, like, done that kind of thing with our talents.

Hey, you know, it's mutual.

I mean, I learn a lot from you guys, too.

It's like one hand washes the other.

Not in my family.

Hey, listen, thanks to the sweathogs, I'm here today.

Remember the day I almost got fired?

[all] Oh, yeah.

Ah, what a wonderful day that was.

I think that they should be here.

Make way for the painting painter men.

Just a moment.

There's a meeting going on here.

Hey, maka.

When you hire the Linguini brothers to work

the Linguini brothers will work.

Hey, right, Luizio?

- That's right, Guido. - Alright.

This is absurd, what could be more ridiculous than this?

♪ Oh Salomiya ♪

♪ Oh Salomiya ♪

♪ Da, da-da-da ♪

Kotter.

I know that face.

What?

That's you, Barbarino!

Where?

Barbarino.

Are you in there alone?

Mr. Kotter.

Are these your students?

Yes, these are my sweathogs.

That's mo, Larry, curly.

And that's Raquel.

Mr. Kotter, is there anything you'd like to say

in your own behalf?

Certainly.

Ms. Reilly, I'm a teacher.

That's what it says on my locker.

"Mr. Kotter, teacher."

And I'm teachin' a group of kids known as sweathogs.

Now contrary to popular opinion

sweathogs are not dumb.

I mean, a dumb person does not think of a way

to make it rain in the gymnasium.

I did that.

Unfortunately, normal teaching methods

don't seem to work for these kids.

I mean, if they did, well, then they wouldn't be sweathogs.

Don't you see?

They're gonna have to survive in the world of the future.

And if they learn how to learn

well then they'll be able to survive anywhere.

Copies of this speech can be obtained

by writing farkle press...

[applause]

Guys, I don't know what to say.

I'm-I'm overwhelmed.

And underpaid.

Just a little joke, Mr. Woodman.

[all laughing]

You know, this is great, you know, talking about

memories and all that stuff, but I mean

I think it will be nice if we went to see

that movie that you promised us.

[all] Yeah.

I mean, after all, you should pay us

back for the watch we're gonna give you.

Ah, Vincent, you're giving away the surprise here.

What are you talkin' about?

I don't know any surprise, I knew about it for a week.

A watch, you got me a watch?

Well, you shouldn't have.

Yeah, well, we didn't.

We sent these lady sweathogs out to buy something nice

and that's what they came back with.

So here you go, Mr. Kotter, now, don't worry about droppin' it.

Oh, is it shock resistant?

Nah, it's cheap.

Hey, but that's the best watch

that $5.75 can buy.

Well, look, doesn't matter how much it cost.

It's the thought that counts.

Hey, you guys, for Mr. Kotter!

- Oh yeah. - Hip-hip hooray!

- Hip-hip hooray! - Hooray!

Hip-hip...

Hey.

You know, you know, this reminds me of a little story

my Uncle Morris once told me.

[students] Oh.

Just take it easy with the stories, man.

Mr. Woodman, did I ever tell you the story

about my Uncle Morris?

You see one time he was...

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪♪

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ We always could spot a friend ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ And I smile when I think how you must've been ♪

♪ And I know what a scene you were learnin' in ♪

♪ What the... ♪♪