Original subtitles

Julie?

Did I ever tell you about my uncle who was a paratrooper?

No, why don't you tell me about him.

Okay, well his name was Sky Kotter.

He decided to become a paratrooper.

He wanted to jump out of planes.

So he goes to this school and the instructor

takes him up in a plane, right?

And he says, okay, "When we jump out of the plane

"your chute's gonna open automatically.

"Now, if it doesn't open automatically

"you pull your emergency chord.

"Now, if your emergency chord doesn't open the chute

"you pull your super emergency chord.

"And that'll open it, and when you get to the ground

"there'll be a truck, pick you up and take you

back to the school. Okay."

he jumps out of the plane, the chute doesn't open.

Pulls his emergency chord, still doesn't open.

Pulls his super emergency chord.

It still doesn't open!

Passes the instructor on the way down.

He said, you know, with my luck, I bet the truck

won't be there either.

[laughing]

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪

♪♪

- Hi, guys. - Hey, Mr. Kotter.

We're all set to go to the radio station.

Oh, I am so excited.

I don't know what to do.

I really can't believe it. We're gonna meet Wally the Wow.

I mean, he's like my favorite DJ, really.

W-was it true that he was a Sweathog or what?

Yeah, Vinnie, but he went here he wasn't Whally the Wow.

He was Whally the Weasel Wexler.

But we always knew he was gonna be a Disk Jockey.

Well, how come?

Well, there were little signs like he would get up

in the cafeteria and ask us to rate the ravioli.

"Well, I'll tell ya, Weasel i give it an 87.

I mean, it's easy to eat, but it's hard to dance too."

Hey, well thanks for settin' that all up, Mr. Kotter

but I ain't sold on doin' no radio show.

I mean, what do I say?

Yeah, we're gonna get all tongue tied, I know it.

Are you guys kidding? In class, I can't shut you people up.

Well, I don't know with all those people out there.

Look, forget they're out there.

Like sometimes you forget I'm here.

Yeah, yeah, sure, Freddie, let's just think of it like

as we're talkin' to ourselves.

Yeah, I know what you mean, when I was a little kid

I used to always talk to myself.

I used to say, "Hey, Vinnie, right?"

And then I'd sit back and say, "What, what do you want?"

And then I'd say, "Don't yell at me."

I'd say, "Shut up.

Look, if I wanna yell at you, I can yell at you."

I was so hard to get along with.

Well, I didn't talk to myself when I was a kid.

- I talked to Ralph. - Your brother?

No, Ralph was a duck.

He used to sit on my shoulder.

You talked to a duck?

Well, h-h-he wasn't a real duck.

He was an invisible duck.

See, I mean, y'all couldn't see him, only me.

Freddie, I know you're scared.

But when you sit down at that big WBAD microphone

forget that you talkin' to a lot of strangers out there.

Pretend you're just talkin' to your friend.

Ralph the duck.

Well, it's okay with me.

What do you think, Ralph?

♪♪

Hey, wait a minute, this can't be right.

This place is a whole lot bigger on the radio.

Hey, hey, hey.

Listening to the big sounds of the Meter Readers

and their brand new disco hit

"Baby Stick My Head in Your Oven."

Oh, I can't believe it.

It's Whally the Wow in person!

And the hits keep rollin' on.

Here's one from the Reverend Funk

and the Vienna Boys Boogie Band

entitled, "I Threw My Heart in the Collection Plate."

You got it because you asked for it.

♪♪

Well, well, well, here they are, the Sweathogs class of '78.

Where?

In your case, make that class of '85.

Whally, on behalf of all the guys

we wanna let you know that you're the greatest.

Okay, take it easy on the shirt, man

it's an oldie, but it's a goodie, you know?

"It's an oldie but it's a goodie."

Oh, he is so hip!

So very, very hip.

Why don't you guys have a seat, we got a few minutes here

before we have a start.

Will you guys sit down!

Fortunately for you guys, movin' around

isn't important in radio.

But, you know, bein' on the air, there's a little more to it

than just rappin' on the microphone

and playin' records for people.

See behind every star, like me, you have an engineer, producer

librarian, sound effects man.

So, um, where are they all?

[knocking]

That's him over my shoulder.

He locked himself in the booth again.

Boys, this is Andy from MIT, my engineering wizard.

How do, Andy, how do?

I'm s-sorry, Mr. Wow, I did it again.

I locked myself in the booth, I'm sorry, I don't know what--

Andy, why don't you do everybody a favor

and just stop trying so hard to try so hard.

I'll try, Mr. Wow.

But I noticed that the record was almost over, Mr. Wow

and I don't know what to do now, I mean--

Well, uh, you might just, uh, think about

puttin' on another one, Andy.

I learn so much from this man.

So much.

I'm sorry, I can glue this.

Hey, Andy, look one more thing about the records, man

before you go, don't put 'em on the radiator anymore, will ya?

They melt.

This mornin', I found The Captain all over Marie

and Donny stuck to Tennille, man.

Oh, gross.

Okay, guys, I'm going on the air, I'm gonna introduce

you now, but I want you to be quiet until I give you the cue.

I'm first.

It's real nice of you to let us in here, man.

It's nice to see this radio station.

- How much you get paid? - Hey.

Mr. Wow, what's this thingy majigy here called?

[ringing]

It's called being off the air.

Now, come on, Whally the Wow is warm and Whally the Wow

is wonderful, you know?

- Yeah, you're alright with me. - But I tell ya.

Turn that dial once more and I can really

get into breakin' your fingers.

Oh, Mr. Wow, this is certainly a great opportunity.

Thank you.

♪ I really mean it ♪

♪ Shoo-be whapo wa ♪♪

Are you finished?

Good, because I think you loosened

a couple of my fillings.

Shut up, you're embarrassing me.

Hey, guys be quiet, man.

A little quiet, would you please?

Quiet on the set!

- Rollin'. - Action.

Okay, dig it, fans.

Whally the Wow is back on the line.

And you've just been listenin' to one of the big sounds

I know you dig. it's The Crosswords

and "Love is a Three Letter Word."

And you're listening to WBAD.

We're bad.

And speakin' of bad, I think it's time now for me to

turn over the microphone, turn our station in fact over

to four young men who've come down here representing

Buchanan High School.

And, uh, they're here because this week it's Whally the Wow's

tribute to the stars of tomorrow today right here on WBAD.

So, let's get to it, let's meet a couple of them.

They're gonna be here all week long.

Let's meet 'em one by one.

Uh, what's your name son?

[whining]

And that's, uh, that's Arnold Horshack, Whally.

Oh, okay, well, uh, what's your name?

Um, um, um, so help me, I knew when I woke up

this morning, Arnold.

- He's Juan Epstein, Whally. - That's right, Juan Epstein.

Okay, and, uh, the tall, dark

handsome guy back here, who's that?

- Freddie Washington. - Vinnie Barbarino.

Well, we're off to a real WBAD start.

And you know what that means, that means that's bad.

Let's, uh, take our time and go around here one by one

and see what's on your mind.

Arnold, Whally the Wow is giving you the microphone

and giving you a chance to express your inner most thoughts

in your own words.

It is now exactly 4:17

right here in the heart of the Badlands.

Thanks, Little Arnold for, uh

sharing your thoughts with us today.

Uh, Juan, do you have anything you'd like to add to that?

Uh, no, no, my friend Arnold here pretty much summed up

all my feelings.

"Dear Whally, whenever I think of that glorious night

at Sneaky Bo-Bo's Motor Inn, I nearly go crazy."

"It's, uh, 78 degrees out there in the Badlands."

Hey, that's what I like.

A young man that's willing to go out on a limb

for a temperature he believes in.

Hey, Vinnie, come on over here, man.

You got a pretty tough act to follow here these two guys.

But, uh, you wanna take a crack at it?

What?

Very well put, Vinnie.

Yeah, I think what we oughta do right now

is maybe get back to some of the music here

on the land of WBAD, and let me pick out a tune that's--

Hey, wait, wait, wait a minute, hold on, wait--

Hey, we're right on the air now.

Yeah, I know that, but I mean but what is this we?

I mean, what about me? I didn't get a chance.

Look, l-let me show you what I mean.

Hey, Boom Boom's my name and radio's my game.

So, pick up a chair, don't despair

because Freddie's here and you got his ear.

- Am I right, brothers? - Right, yeah!

Okay, now I believe there's a lot of people out there

that wanna hear what young people think.

- Can I get an amen? - Amen.

- Amen, Freddie. - Alright, now.

The trouble is, people are just too busy

to stop, so relax.

Lay down, and lay back.

And you just give old Freddie a call.

'Cause remember, the day goes better

when you call Freddie's letters.

That's B-A-D-L-A-N-Z.

Well, alright, Badlands.

Yeah, this is Whally wow saying

give a listen to my man Freddie here and give him a call.

Freddie knows what's bad for ya'll.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Whally. Now, come on, there.

Pick up that phone and give me a call.

Whally the Wow.

Oh, for you.

Hi, there.

Yeah, what's that, honey?

Hmm-mmm, huh-ha.

You say your last date you went out with the most

conceded guy you ever met?

Spent the whole night lookin' at himself in the mirror

and drooling?

And what should you do?

Break all his mirrors and get him a bib.

Hello, room service? Send up a room.

You don't got a room, send up a hall.

Yeah, he's right here. Uh, it's for you.

- This one's gonna be for me. - Hello.

- Hello. This one's for you. - So what's happening?

Oh, excuse me, just a second. Hello, hello.

This one is definitely gonna be for me. Yeah.

Hello?

Hey, ma!

Yeah, it's me, it's Little Arnold.

Did you see me on the radio?

Yeah, you...

Ah.

She wants to talk to you.

Hello, yeah hi. Oh, yeah, you heard Arnold on the radio, huh?

And he shattered all your wine glasses.

Hey, this guy's great.

Hey, Freddie, why don't you give us a chance?

Yeah, we don't gotta be ignored like this.

That's right, my mother's got nine kids.

If I wanna be ignored, all I gotta do is go home.

Hey, man, can I help it if everybody wants to talk

to Freddie Boom Boom Washington?

I mean, you got to give the public what they wants.

Well, you give the public what they want, Freddie.

We don't have to be here.

- Bye, bye, Boom Boom. - Let's go.

Hm, I guess they just don't understand us stars.

To tell you the truth, I'm havin' a little

trouble myself, man.

♪♪

Hey, Boom Boom, let me set you straight, man.

Go ahead, partner, shoot.

First of all, we're not partners.

You've been on the air for three days.

The Wow has been at it for 15 years.

The Wow's up here, the Boom's down here.

Wow here, Boom here.

Wow, boom, get it?

Yeah, sorta.

Well you better get it or I'll lower the Boom Boom down here.

[phone ringing]

WBAD knows what's bad for you.

[Andy] Hi, can I speak to Mr. Wow, please?

Yeah, huh-ha, no problem.

Here, it's for you.

Hey, Whally the Wow's fans are comin' back home.

Hello, Whally the Wow.

Hi, Mr. Wow, it's Andy.

Andy, who?

Uh, Andy in the booth, you know, the e-engineer.

Well, what do you want, Andy?

Well, I-I was just wondering if you and Mr. Boom

would sometime maybe like to come in here

and talk to the people on Avenue A.

See, the last record ended three minutes ago

and i-it's sort of quiet in here.

Whally the Wow, and we're back again.

This is Whally the Wow with his newest discovery...

Boom Boom Washington.

And what you just heard was, what you just heard was... was...

What you just heard was, uh, the heavy new sound

of Nothing's Happening

and their great new hit "Andy Goofs Again."

Hey, I think it's about time to listen to a message

from Bernie, the neighborhood tailor who says

"It ain't no joke when your zipper's broke."

Nothin' happenin', Andy goofs again.

How'd you think that up so fast?

Well, that's the difference between the Wow and the Boom.

Oh, Freddie, you were wonderful on the radio, yesterday.

No he wasn't. He was terrific!

Now, girls, girls, girls, girls, now you know

I hate to take sides. But I think you're both right.

- Oh, uh, Washington? - Uh, excuse me, girls.

Business, Mr. Woodman. Check y'all later?

Stay cool and stay smooth.

Uh, Mr. Woodman, what can I do for you?

Well, I know you're a big star now, but I just wanna say

I heard your show yesterday, and I liked it a lot.

Especially that one guy who called in and suggested

mandatory slavery for high school students.

Yeah, well we get a lot of creeps like that callin' in.

Creep?

I thought I made a rather good point.

Keep an eye on your friend, boys.

- He's gettin' awful stuck up. - We know he is.

I never thought I'd see the day

me and Woodman would see eye to eye.

Hey, come on, guys, now I didn't throw y'all out of the studio.

Y'all took a walk.

Come on back, there's plenty of room for all of us.

Where, in the mail room?

Answering your fan mail?

Fan mail?

You're gettin' fan...

I should be gettin' fan mail.

I'm Vinnie Barbarino.

I don't believe it. I guess it's over for me now.

I guess I've peaked.

Hey, buddy can you spare a dime? You turned me into a bum.

You guys got it all wrong. I mean, can't we talk about this?

Oh, certainly Frederick, let's...

...let's settle this right here and now.

Okay, alright, see, now this is what's happening.

You see...

Can we make it later?

See I'm... I gotta be on the air in 30 minutes.

- Oh, yeah, oh, sure, oh... - You understand, right?

Yeah, sure, Freddie, you got it, buddy.

- Sure, Freddie. - Sure, Freddie.

Hey, there he is. Whally the Wow's golden boy.

You takin' a look at some of this stuff that's come in here?

Got requests for personal appearances, new advertisers.

Well, there's even on guy here wants to put out

a Freddie Washington watch.

Every hour on the hour it lights up and says

"Hi, there."

Are you excited about all this?

How does the, uh, golden boy feel, anyway?

Eh, the golden boy feels a little bit

tarnished right now, Whally.

Why, what's the matter, man, did I come down on you

a little too hard yesterday?

I-it wasn't you, man, it wasn't you.

See, everything would be perfect if...

See, i-i-if only the guys would understand.

Oh, the guys.

I know, it's your buddies. They got jealous, right?

- Yeah. - Well they always do, man.

Welcome to the wonderful world of radio.

You mean, you ain't got no friends either?

Take a look over my shoulder. What do you see?

- Andy. - What's he doin'?

Trippin' over cables.

He's about to drop a stack of records.

One, two, three...

[crashing]

And now he's pullin' on the door tryin' to get out, right?

Now, he's lost his grip, and he's crashing

into the big console.

[zapping]

You really know him, don't you.

Yeah, but he's it, man. That's my friend for the year.

Lucky for me, he's a nice guy.

Does... does it have to be that way?

Eh, doesn't have to be, you know.

But how else is it gonna turn out, man?

You spend half your time isolated

here in the radio station all day

readin' requests, answerin' the phone

playin' records, doin' the news.

Got no time for anything else.

And then when you do get on the outside, maybe talk to somebody

you find out you're talkin' at them, not with them.

You just forget how to listen, you know what I mean?

So then...

So then how come you pushin' me to be a-a disk jockey?

Well, you got the brains, you got the talent

you got the personality.

And besides, uh, I could use another friend.

Yeah, right now, I could use a friend myself.

That's your cue.

Hi, there.

This is Freddie Boom Boom Washington.

I want y'all to know I had a real nice week

rotating platters and rappin' on with all ya'll out there.

I never knew I could like something so much.

See, the only problem is, I like my friends more.

And since I don't know how I can have them both

I guess I'll be signin' off now.

So, bye then.

Now, just hold on a second there.

What are you guys doin' here?

Well, I tried to call you, Freddie, but

you wouldn't loan me a dime, remember?

Hey, I think maybe it's time now to play another

one of the friendly messages from one of our sponsors

here on BAD.

Yeah, I don't understand.

Oh, Freddie, we were the ones who didn't understand.

Ah, it was all my fault, Arnold.

- I let it all go to my head. - That's true.

But, Freddie, at least, we should've given you

a little more time to come down by yourself.

You mean, you guys wouldn't mind if-if I kept doin' this?

Freddie, of course we wouldn't mind.

We want one of us to do good.

Yeah, I mean it happens so rarely, uh

we just didn't know how to handle it, right?

Yeah, and if one of us does good, we all do good.

- You know what I mean? - Hey, uh guys.

I might remind you, this is a top 40 radio show

not a soap opera.

Well, come on, then. Go on, do your thing.

- Yeah. - Do what you do.

Hi there, miss me?

Well, it's great to be back from vacation.

This is Freddie Boom Boom Washington.

And Whally the Wow comin' at ya in tandem on WBAD.

- And that's bad! - Bad!

♪♪

Right here in the land of WBAD.

So this is what's become of Whally Weasel.

Hey, Kotter, how ya doin'?

It's not Whally the Weasel anymore.

It's Whally the Wow.

I've had my consciousness raised.

I mean, uh, how would you like it if we were still calling you

Clown-Faced Kotter?

Yeah, I see what you mean. That was like another life.

Hey, Whally, remember the time you greased the hall

and Woodman slid all the way from the nurse's office

into the girl's locker room?

Oh, those were the good old days.

Remember, you used to tell all those stupid jokes

about your uncles, man?

Oh, I sure am glad we outgrew that.

Ah, yeah, well, Whally, listen, I wanted to thank you personally

for taking care of my guys like that

that was really sweet of you.

And it's great seein' you again.

It's okay, drop by anytime, man.

Okay, Whally back on the line.

- Hey, uh, what's your name? - Andy.

Andy, did I ever tell you about my uncle

who wanted to be a disk jockey?

You see, he wanted to be a disc jockey

and he went to this radio station...

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪