Original subtitles

Mr. Kotter, I'm really worried.

Horshack's been gone for two days now.

I don't know where he is.

Yeah, that's right, Mr. Kotter.

I mean, Arnold, he'd never been absent.

I know. I'm worried too.

I think he, uh, he must have a problem in his personal life.

Ah, come on, Mr. Kotter.

You know Arnold ain't got no personal life.

- Hey, where you been? - Where have you been?

We've been looking for you.

Hey, Mr. Kotter.

How do you become a father?

Father? Well, y-you gotta, uh, meet a girl that you like

and then you, well, you sort of--

Oh, Mr. Kotter!

[chuckles]

I don't have to start a family.

I've already got one.

You see, my mother's fifth husband

Mr. O'Hara, died the other day

just like that.

Sitting in his taxi in the middle of a traffic jam

on the Long Island Expressway.

The man fell on his horn.

Gave one final toot...

...and went to that great white taxi stand in the sky.

Sorry, Arnold.

I know how it feels to lose a loved one.

Hey, Arnold, you remember.

If you need anything at all, I mean, anything at all

you can count on me.

Freddie 'Can Do' Washington.

- Stay cool, alright. - Yeah.

- Hey, hey, Arnold. - Huh?

- Arnold? - Yeah.

It's gonna be okay, buddy, you know.

Hey, hey, you got friends here.

- Oh, little one. - Ah, you little Horshack.

Aah!

Arnold, I'd like to help you

but what do I know about being a father?

Well, see, Mr. Kotter, it's, it's like this voice

came to me and it said

"Arnold!

"Arnold!

It's time to grow up."

And I said, "Can I ask Mr. Kotter first?"

And the voice said, "It couldn't hurt."

So I'm asking.

Mr. Kotter, is it time for me to grow up?

Arnold, I think you already have.

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪

[humming]

- Hi, mom. - Hiya, Arnold.

Don't look. It'll spoil your appetite.

Too late.

[laughs]

Hey, ma.

Being your eldest son

I think the time has come for you and I to have a talk.

Fine. First at the table.

[chuckles]

[gasps] Guess who followed me home again.

No Nose Bloomberg. He's right outside that door.

Somebody, please get rid of him.

I'll boil some water.

I'll take care of this.

Now look here, fella! I'm Judy's big bro...

Hello, No Nose.

So what say you come over on Saturday?

[stutters] Come early. Plan to spend the whole day.

[laughs]

[gasps]

Listen, Arnold, I'm planning a headache on Saturday

so you can go out with him.

You know, Judy, sometimes you are such a nudge.

You don't see your little sister givin' me such aggravation

do ya? No, siree.

She's sitting there on the floor crying.

Crying?

Doris.

Hey, hey, Doris.

Don't cry.

You're wetting the linoleum, Doris.

[chuckles] Hey.

Listen, we all feel bad about Mr. O'Hara

but people die.

Accepting that is part of growing up.

Oh, I don't feel bad about him, Arnold.

We've had better fathers.

So what's wrong?

Arnold, remember that story you told me

about how the ugly duckling turned into a swan?

- Mm-hmm. - Well, it ain't workin'.

I'm turnin' into a duck.

Oh, honey, look, if you really and truly believe

that you're a swan, so will everybody else.

Arnold, do you really and truly believe that you're a swan?

Doris, do as I say, not as I do.

But my nose is still growing.

- It'll stop. - Yours didn't.

I have a perfect nose.

- We know, Judy, we know. - We know, Judy, we know.

Face it, Arnold, you and me

I mean, we're the kind of people life steps on.

Ow!

Manny, you just stepped on your sister!

I'm takin' a walk. Can't a guy take a walk?

Not on his sister.

Dinner is ready! Come on, everybody.

There's nothing worse than a cold dinner.

- Mm. That'll taste good. - Come on, Judy.

Sit down, honey. Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Oh.

Hey, ma, everybody

there's something I'd like to talk about.

Ma, what are these lumpy things?

Raisin.

Listen, everybody, there's something

I would like to discuss here.

Well, I ain't eating these mashed potatoes.

Not me, boy.

Yoo-hoo, look here!

Look at crazy Arnold!

- Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! - Arnold!

Arnold, sometimes you're such a baby.

Quit that ooh-ooh-oohing and eat.

You're nothin' but skin and bones.

Ma, clam up!

[all] Ooh.

Boy, are you gonna get it.

Well, l-look, m-m-ma.

I'm real sorry I said clam up

but you just never listen to me.

You should. I might have something to say.

- Do you understand? - Yeah.

You said clam up to your mother.

Not even Manny's father, the grump...

...ever said clam up to your mother.

My father wasn't the grump. Judy's father was the grump.

- He was not! - Of course not.

Mr. Lutz was a very nice man.

Mom, my father was Mr. Lutz.

My father was Mr. Templeton.

Okay, so I'm not so terrific at names.

Okay.

You are not exactly a whiz at selecting men either.

You think it's easy for me?

You think I enjoyed hauling that cocktail dress

out of the mothballs?

Mothballs? That's what we're eating.

The lumpy things are mothballs.

Nobody's gonna give me the kind of job

that will support this family.

I gotta find another husband.

It's the only thing I know how to do.

Look, ma.

Listen, if you should meet somebody

that you really and truly love

who would be more delighted than I?

But, ma, you do not have to go out and get married again

to find somebody to take care of us.

Because from now on, ma...

...I will.

[all laughing]

Oh.

Arnold, you're a good boy.

- You really are. - Ma, don't.

Oh, you know what?

I feel a lot better now, you know?

I'm gonna go up and see if that cocktail dress needs takin' up.

Or lettin' down.

Or throwin' out.

Ma, ma. Ma!

You're not listening.

Hold it! Everybody, finish eating!

You, down, you, down, you, down.

[sighs] Well, I ain't gonna eat my mashed potatoes, brillo head.

Eat your mashed potatoes.

Make me, horse face.

Your wish is my command.

I'll get you for this, Arnold.

It might be years from now.

I might be disguised as a nun.

Just remember, when you least expect it, expect it.

[evil laugh]

Go ahead, Arnold. Take over the family.

It's okay by me.

Just don't tell me what to do.

I think you can do it, Arnold.

Oh, honest?

No.

There is something about me that people do not take seriously.

Maybe it's my voice.

Nah!

It used to be my voice...

...before it changed.

[laughs]

Maybe it's my laugh.

[laughs]

Sounds like a perfectly good laugh to me.

[laughing]

- Hey, what's so funny? - Oh!

- Hi, Goldie. - Hey.

I, I was just practicing.

What for? You do it perfect.

Hey, uh, listen, I heard about father number five kickin' off.

I'm sorry.

Well, I guess you grow up when you have to, huh?

- Yeah. - Oh, thanks.

- Oh. - Oh.

Hey, you know, I checked the want ads this morning.

The one thing that nobody wants is me.

So you'll become independently wealthy.

- You got any rich relatives? - I don't got any relatives.

Except for...

Nah.

Nah? Nah who?

Nah who is my Uncle Harry Horshack.

Oh, he used to have this terrific costume store

on DeKalb Avenue, Horshack's Costume City.

[both laughing]

Goldie!

[both laughing]

Gee, I haven't seen my Uncle Harry in...

...15 years.

I wonder if he'd still remember me.

Arnold, believe me, you're hard to forget.

[chuckles]

You know, it's really easy talking with you, Goldie.

You may not believe this

but I get very tongue-tied around most girls.

- Nah! - Yeah, yeah.

[both laughing]

I don't know, you...

...you're different.

Thank you, Arnold. So are you.

[Mrs. Horshack] Arnold, Arnold, are you up there?

Yeah, up here, ma.

There you are.

You think the old lady's gotten it together?

Ma, ma, you're wearing your false eyelashes.

Ma, you haven't worn your false eyelashes

since your last wedding.

Yeah, I'm going with my friend Wanda

over to the bowling alley.

Ma, you do not bowl.

Arnold, father number six might be bowlin'

lane number seven.

♪ Some enchanted evening ♪

♪ I will meet a stranger ♪

♪ I will meet a stranger ♪♪

- You know, Arnold? - Huh?

Your mother is a very strange lady.

Yeah.

Well, look, I better go see about that job, Goldie

before Cinderella meets Prince Charming.

- Well, wish me luck, Goldie. - Good luck, Arnold.

Arnold Horshack.

Oh!

This is some swanky store.

My Uncle Harry must be doing real good.

Oh, I'm sorry.

May I help you?

Hello. How are ya?

I'm Arnold Horshack, Harry Horshack's nephew.

There's no H. Harry Orshack.

President of Orshack's of Fifth Avenue.

And Mr. Orshack doesn't see anyone without an appointment.

Oh.

Thank you.

Ah, look at that.

Pretty.

[bell tolls]

[screams]

I'm terribly sorry, H.O.

Someone was playing with your knockers.

Hello, Harry, you remember me?

I'm Arnold. I'm your nephew.

Uncle Harry, after 15 years, we're reunited.

Leonard, throw him out of here.

Okay, the reunion is over.

Hey, Uncle Harry, I really need a job.

Arthur.

Arnold, it's Arnold.

Arnold, it's not that easy to get a job.

Come here, let me show you something.

- Look out that window, Arthur. - Arnold.

See all those little people down there on Fifth Avenue.

Uh-huh.

I stepped on all of those people to get up here.

Wouldn't it have been easier to take an elevator?

[laughs]

You're a nice kid.

But nice kids finish last.

This kid's a winner.

I'm a shark.

And it's the sharks of this world

that devour people like you, Ado.

Arnold.

My name is Arnold.

Arnold Horshack.

I pronounce the H, Mr. Orshack.

I'm very proud of my name.

Horshack is a very old and respected name.

It means the cattle are dying.

And you used to be part of that name, too, Uncle Harry.

Remember when you owned Horshack's Costume City

on DeKalb Avenue in Brooklyn?

- Uh, Leonard? - Yes.

Would you go spy on somebody for me, please?

Whatever you say.

- Arnold? - Hm.

There never was a Horshack's Costume City on DeKalb Avenue.

Never.

Oh, sure, there was, Uncle Harry.

Don't you remember the last time I saw you?

Oh, you was dressed in the chicken suit.

Remember?

- Arnold. - Hm?

If you can forget that you ever saw me

dressed in a chicken suit...

...you've got a job.

Oh, thank you, Uncle Harry. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Arnold, Arnold, you remind me of me when I was a young man.

If you ever tell that to anybody

I'm gonna rip your heart out.

♪ We're in the money ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ We're in the money ♪♪

Arnold, where do I keep the aspirin?

Hey, ma, I got a job.

I got to the bowling alley.

I met a farmer named Oggy Farnsworth.

He might be a lousy date

but he could make a wonderful father.

♪ Some enchanted evening ♪

♪ I will meet a stranger ♪♪

[groans]

Hey, Arnold.

When you least expect it, expect it.

Oh, Manny, will you lay off?

Show a little respect for the man of the house here.

This isn't a house, Arnold.

It's a rundown tenement in the crummy section of Brooklyn.

Now you listen to me, young lady.

One more word out of you

and you're goin' to bed without any supper.

We already had supper.

Then you'll never have it again.

Come on, you guys. What do you say we give the kid a break?

Okay.

Arnold, I think we can do a little business here.

I'll give you a shot at this man-of-the-house trip

if you promise to stop tucking me in at night.

Can I keep on sayin' goodnight, little buckaroo?

- You got a deal. - Ah, thank you, Manny.

Hey, listen, you guys, I know

I'm, I'm not the only one growing up here.

We're all growing up.

Except for ma, of course.

Judy...

...I'm asking for your help.

Please.

Oh, Arnold.

Oh, thank you, Judy.

Hey, ma, did you hear? Arnold got a job today.

Yeah. Yeah, with my Uncle Harry Horshack.

Harry Horshack?

Harry Horshack?

If that man had had his way

I never would've married your father.

I forbid you to work for Harry Horshack.

Ma, you cannot tell a grown person

who he can and cannot work for.

- Yeah! - Thank you.

Alright, that's it. I've had it.

Okay, everybody. Everybody goes to bed.

Everyone goes to bed. That includes you, too, Arnold.

Yeah, ma. Yeah, ma. Please, everybody, go to bed.

- Night, Arnold. - Goodnight, baby.

- Night, Arnold. - Goodnight, honey.

- Goodnight, Arnold. - Goodnight, baby.

- Night, Arnold. - Goodnight.

Arnold.

Oh, ma.

I know how you feel.

- Do you, ma? - Yeah.

And, Arnold, don't worry.

'Cause your mother's got a talent for making things work.

You don't, ma.

You really don't.

Hey, Arnold, you expectin' it?

Expecting what?

- Hey! - Hey, you guys.

Hey, little Arnold, you're back, huh?

- Yeah. - What's the matter?

Your uncle fire you?

Au contraire, little friend.

You are gazing upon a working Sweathog.

[Juan] Alright.

Hey, you know, Arnold, you gettin' a job

could mean suspension from the Sweathogs.

It's only part-time.

My Uncle Harry's gonna teach me

everything he knows about the business world.

- I'm gonna be a shark. - Yeah?

Alright, Arnold, I don't quite picture you as a shark.

You know, I sort of look on you as a guppy.

- Hey, Arnold! - Hey, Mr. Kotter.

- Hey, welcome back. - Mr. Kotter, hey.

Classroom hasn't been the same without you.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Kotter.

You know, I never thought I'd miss ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

- Oh! - That's you, Arnold.

Well, now that you're here, business as usual.

Everything's back to normal.

Well, not quite normal, Mr. Kotter.

I got a part-time job working in my Uncle Harry's store.

- You workin' for your uncle? - Yeah.

Did I ever tell you about the time I was workin' for my uncle?

- Mm-hmm. - His name was Freddie...

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪♪