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1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:02,624
Julia, did I ever tell you
about my uncle Pete
2
00:00:02,624 --> 00:00:04,103
and my aunt Priscilla?
3
00:00:04,186 --> 00:00:05,865
No, go ahead.
4
00:00:05,948 --> 00:00:08,268
Okay, they won a lot of money
in the sweepstakes
5
00:00:08,351 --> 00:00:09,811
about $10,000.
6
00:00:09,894 --> 00:00:11,272
Now, they had
a little disagreement
7
00:00:11,355 --> 00:00:13,444
because Priscilla wanted
to buy a mint coat
8
00:00:13,498 --> 00:00:16,119
and Pete wanted to buy
this fancy, new car.
9
00:00:16,202 --> 00:00:17,551
Well, who won?
10
00:00:17,634 --> 00:00:19,549
They compromised,
they bought a mint coat
11
00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:21,975
but they keep it
in the garage.
12
00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:28,724
[theme song]
13
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,931
♪ Welcome back ♪
14
00:00:36,014 --> 00:00:40,153
♪ Your dreams
were your ticket out ♪
15
00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:42,371
♪ Welcome back ♪
16
00:00:42,454 --> 00:00:47,160
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
17
00:00:47,243 --> 00:00:51,425
♪ Well the names have all
changed since you hung around ♪
18
00:00:51,508 --> 00:00:55,951
♪ But those dreams have remained
and they've turned around ♪
19
00:00:56,034 --> 00:00:58,127
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya? ♪
20
00:00:58,210 --> 00:00:59,998
♪ Who'd have
thought they'd lead ya? ♪
21
00:01:00,081 --> 00:01:02,083
♪ Back here
where we need ya ♪
22
00:01:02,152 --> 00:01:04,114
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
23
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:08,510
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
24
00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:10,729
♪ Welcome back ♪
25
00:01:10,812 --> 00:01:12,905
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
26
00:01:12,988 --> 00:01:15,082
♪ Welcome back ♪
27
00:01:15,165 --> 00:01:17,213
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
28
00:01:17,296 --> 00:01:20,670
♪ Welcome back ♪♪
29
00:01:21,736 --> 00:01:23,673
[theme music]
30
00:01:37,584 --> 00:01:42,023
Epstein, for the last time,
I don't know if they served
31
00:01:42,106 --> 00:01:44,868
burritos during
the Spanish-American war.
32
00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:49,267
♪ She loves me ♪
33
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:51,266
♪ She loves me ♪
34
00:01:51,349 --> 00:01:53,421
She loves me.
35
00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,406
What happened to
"she loves me not?"
36
00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:57,797
The odds are just better
this way.
37
00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:00,851
I'm in love.
38
00:02:01,212 --> 00:02:05,454
Kotter, new animal for your zoo.
39
00:02:08,866 --> 00:02:10,365
Mr. Woodman, you have
a marvelous way
40
00:02:10,448 --> 00:02:12,548
of expressing yourself.
41
00:02:13,493 --> 00:02:15,613
- Hi.
- Hi.
42
00:02:16,797 --> 00:02:19,038
What's goin' on here?
43
00:02:22,911 --> 00:02:27,089
"Dear Mr. Kotter, please excuse
my daughter's ugly temper.
44
00:02:27,172 --> 00:02:31,135
"Don't get her mad and she
won't have to deck you.
45
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,979
Signed Epstein's
sister's mother."
46
00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:40,201
Epstein's sister? I'm gonna have
two Epsteins in my class?
47
00:02:40,782 --> 00:02:42,936
Your mother'll get
writers cramp.
48
00:02:44,025 --> 00:02:45,641
The name's Carmen.
49
00:02:45,724 --> 00:02:48,406
Hey, Mr. Kotter, what's my
baby sister doin' here?
50
00:02:48,489 --> 00:02:50,050
I ain't your baby sister
51
00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:52,850
I'm only ten months
younger than you.
52
00:02:52,933 --> 00:02:54,391
Why didn't you tell me
your grades dropped
53
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:56,336
you had to become a Ssweat
hogweathog?
54
00:02:56,336 --> 00:02:59,012
Well, I was savin' it
for a surprise.
55
00:03:00,287 --> 00:03:01,747
Surprise!
56
00:03:02,418 --> 00:03:05,341
You ain't kiddin' me,
are you, baby sister?
57
00:03:05,424 --> 00:03:07,304
Say I'm not your baby sister,
say it
58
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:09,350
or you've breathed
your last note, say it!
59
00:03:09,433 --> 00:03:11,149
- Say it!
- You're not my baby sister!
60
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:13,452
- Louder!
- You're not my baby sister!
61
00:03:13,524 --> 00:03:15,547
Alright, calm down, calm down.
62
00:03:16,048 --> 00:03:17,359
Baby sister!
63
00:03:17,442 --> 00:03:19,248
[grunting]
64
00:03:28,687 --> 00:03:33,199
Ladies and gentlemen,
in the center arena...
65
00:03:33,282 --> 00:03:35,761
...the two Epsteins shall now
attempt for the first time
66
00:03:35,844 --> 00:03:39,108
a three and a half gainer
into a garbage can.
67
00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:40,638
Put her down, Juan.
68
00:03:40,648 --> 00:03:42,367
You think this is somethin',
you should see her
69
00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:44,992
when she's mad. Alright, look...
70
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,831
Mr. Kotter's
gonna introduce you around
71
00:03:46,914 --> 00:03:50,134
so try and act like
you is a real person, okay?
72
00:03:50,217 --> 00:03:53,420
Take it easy, take it easy,
come on, take it easy. Okay.
73
00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:55,898
- Friends.
- Sit down, Juan, sit down.
74
00:03:55,981 --> 00:03:59,142
Carmen, I'd like to introduce
the whole class to you.
75
00:03:59,225 --> 00:04:02,808
Okay, this is Priscilla.
That's Ricky, that's Mark.
76
00:04:02,808 --> 00:04:06,398
- This is Freddie Washington.
- Eh, I already know her.
77
00:04:08,293 --> 00:04:12,614
Man, Carmen,
Carmen is the only Epstein
78
00:04:12,697 --> 00:04:15,066
to ever hit me in my mouth.
79
00:04:18,282 --> 00:04:21,698
- We know Juan. Stop.
- You!
80
00:04:21,782 --> 00:04:24,825
Vinnie Barbarino,
this is Carmen Epstein.
81
00:04:24,908 --> 00:04:26,801
I know Carmen.
82
00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:32,392
So, Carmen, you filled out.
83
00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:37,015
Filled?
84
00:04:37,774 --> 00:04:39,274
Hello.
85
00:04:43,765 --> 00:04:45,966
How are ya?
86
00:04:46,932 --> 00:04:49,032
I'm Arnold Horshack.
87
00:04:52,142 --> 00:04:54,745
I wanna have your baby.
88
00:05:00,289 --> 00:05:01,615
[bell ringing]
89
00:05:01,698 --> 00:05:03,000
Alright, honeymoon's over.
90
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:05,582
See ya for social studies.
See you, too, Carmen.
91
00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:08,684
So listen, Carmen,
you know, Vinnie Barbarino
92
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,570
always gets crack
at the new stuff.
93
00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:12,091
- What stuff?
- Outside, let's go.
94
00:05:12,091 --> 00:05:13,332
What are you talkin' about,
"stuff?"
95
00:05:13,332 --> 00:05:15,792
Hey, sisters ain't included
in stuff.
96
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:18,698
- Nobody is stuff. Outside.
- Juan, are you crazy?
97
00:05:18,698 --> 00:05:21,485
- I'm operatin'.
- Operate outside.
98
00:05:21,568 --> 00:05:22,915
Listen...
99
00:05:22,998 --> 00:05:27,020
Juan, isn't love
a bowl of cherries?
100
00:05:27,104 --> 00:05:30,083
- Cherries outside.
- I think it's the pits.
101
00:05:30,166 --> 00:05:33,428
Pits are outside
with the cherries, let's go.
102
00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:35,385
Have a nice day.
103
00:05:40,854 --> 00:05:46,780
Hey, Mr. Kotter, do you believe
in love at first sight?
104
00:05:46,863 --> 00:05:49,467
Sure, Arnold, it was love
at first sight for Julie and me.
105
00:05:49,519 --> 00:05:51,827
- Yeah?
- We met at a costume party.
106
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:55,881
She came as a pot roast
and I came as an electric knife.
107
00:05:56,743 --> 00:06:01,390
Oh, Mr. Kotter, I just fell
in love with Carmen Epstein.
108
00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:03,676
And she's gonna become
another feather in Vinnie's cap.
109
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:07,440
Mr. Kotter, I don't got
no feathers in my cap.
110
00:06:08,863 --> 00:06:12,669
I'm featherless, Mr. Kotter,
featherless!
111
00:06:14,163 --> 00:06:17,515
Arnold, come on,
don't be ridiculous.
112
00:06:17,598 --> 00:06:19,698
You've got feathers.
113
00:06:22,662 --> 00:06:25,806
Arnold, let me tell you
a little story, okay?
114
00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:27,753
When I was your age,
I was shy also.
115
00:06:27,773 --> 00:06:29,396
There was this girl
I was crazy about.
116
00:06:29,416 --> 00:06:32,263
Her name was Lelani Shapiro.
117
00:06:32,347 --> 00:06:34,522
Never had the nerve
to ask her to go out.
118
00:06:34,606 --> 00:06:35,955
Finally, one day I'm sittin'
in front of my house
119
00:06:36,008 --> 00:06:37,491
and feelin' sorry for myself.
120
00:06:37,491 --> 00:06:39,314
This little, old Italian man,
who lived upstairs
121
00:06:39,354 --> 00:06:41,238
Mr. Panetteri, comes down,
he says
122
00:06:41,258 --> 00:06:43,085
"What's the matter
with you, Gabey?
123
00:06:43,121 --> 00:06:45,605
"You a nice boy,
you go up to this girl
124
00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:47,145
"You say, I'm a Gabey Kotter,
I'm a nice boy
125
00:06:47,228 --> 00:06:50,474
and I wanna go out with you,
I have confidence."
126
00:06:50,498 --> 00:06:52,620
So next day, I went up
to Lelani, I said
127
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,740
"Lelani, my name's
a Gabey Kotter
128
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:59,364
I'm a nice boy,
I have confidence."
129
00:06:59,448 --> 00:07:02,084
She told me she didn't
like Italian guys.
130
00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:06,412
It's a joke, Arnold,
it's a joke.
131
00:07:06,496 --> 00:07:09,076
Come on, have faith in yourself,
I have faith in you.
132
00:07:09,159 --> 00:07:14,123
Oh, Mr. Kotter, I am not
one of life's heavy winners.
133
00:07:16,925 --> 00:07:18,710
Alright, look, Arnold,
you wanna be a loser?
134
00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:21,016
- Go ahead, be a loser.
- Hey, Mr. Kotter.
135
00:07:21,096 --> 00:07:22,976
I do not like
to be called that.
136
00:07:23,059 --> 00:07:24,621
Arnold, let's face the facts,
I mean
137
00:07:24,621 --> 00:07:26,524
the truth is that
you are a loser.
138
00:07:26,544 --> 00:07:27,903
Don't call me that!
139
00:07:27,986 --> 00:07:29,265
Then go out there
and show me
140
00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:30,326
some confidence!
141
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:31,530
Okay, Mr. Kotter
142
00:07:31,613 --> 00:07:33,858
you wanna see confidence?
143
00:07:33,941 --> 00:07:37,140
I'll show you confidence!
144
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,920
There's confidence!
145
00:07:43,025 --> 00:07:46,629
Arnold, that is not confidence,
that's Kurt Douglas.
146
00:07:48,174 --> 00:07:52,068
Stomach in... now smile.
147
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,564
That's confidence.
148
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:58,290
I'll show you, Mr. Kotter.
149
00:07:58,373 --> 00:08:00,036
I'll show you
that I'm a something
150
00:08:00,036 --> 00:08:01,776
that I'm a somebody.
151
00:08:01,859 --> 00:08:04,221
I am Arnold Horshack!
152
00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:10,277
[theme music]
153
00:08:15,358 --> 00:08:16,947
[telephone ringing]
154
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:19,406
Buchanan High.
155
00:08:19,747 --> 00:08:21,927
Oh, I'm sorry, he's not in,
may I take a message?
156
00:08:22,010 --> 00:08:24,553
Look, Carm, I know how Vinnie's
been tryin' to hit on ya.
157
00:08:24,553 --> 00:08:27,016
I want you to promise me
you ain't gonna go out with him.
158
00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:28,955
If you don't bug off,
you are gonna find
159
00:08:29,038 --> 00:08:31,698
your nose in Toledo.
160
00:08:31,781 --> 00:08:36,003
Hey, Epstein, Principal Lazarus
is waitin' for ya.
161
00:08:36,086 --> 00:08:39,009
I bet you're really in for it
this time.
162
00:08:39,009 --> 00:08:40,814
[laughter]
163
00:08:48,226 --> 00:08:51,689
Now, you wait right here.
Don't move from this spot.
164
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:54,554
You move from this spot,
lightning's gonna strike ya.
165
00:08:54,636 --> 00:08:56,737
It will not.
166
00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:58,629
Then I will.
167
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,735
[knocking on door]
168
00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:04,571
Hey, Jack.
169
00:09:09,138 --> 00:09:10,598
- Hi.
- Hi.
170
00:09:10,754 --> 00:09:13,735
I just became
a full-fledged Sweathog.
171
00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:16,582
I'd rather be glued
to a tree.
172
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,849
You look like somebody
removed your brain.
173
00:09:32,856 --> 00:09:34,316
Uh, no!
174
00:09:34,631 --> 00:09:37,007
[laughing]
175
00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:40,897
My brain is right here,
with me.
176
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,624
I hardly go anywheres
without it.
177
00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,778
[laughs]
178
00:09:47,895 --> 00:09:50,532
Keep honkin' like that,
you're gonna attract geese.
179
00:09:51,515 --> 00:09:54,715
Funny you should mention geese.
180
00:09:58,129 --> 00:09:59,589
Eh...
181
00:10:00,509 --> 00:10:02,206
You got any hobbies?
182
00:10:02,289 --> 00:10:06,008
- I blow trumpet.
- You blow trumpet!
183
00:10:06,091 --> 00:10:09,156
Oh, will wonders never cease?
184
00:10:09,239 --> 00:10:12,322
- We got something in common.
- You play?
185
00:10:12,405 --> 00:10:14,425
I listen.
186
00:10:15,104 --> 00:10:17,147
Are you in luck
or are you in luck?
187
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:20,074
- What do you want to hear?
- Oh, I don't know--
188
00:10:20,074 --> 00:10:22,895
I know "Three Blind Mice,"
take your choice.
189
00:10:22,977 --> 00:10:27,744
Another thing in common,
I love mice.
190
00:10:31,175 --> 00:10:33,134
[trumpet blowing]
191
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,877
Oh, yeah.
192
00:10:35,458 --> 00:10:39,160
Play it for me.
193
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:44,074
[cheering and applauding]
194
00:10:45,708 --> 00:10:50,292
Oh, I tell ya,
catchy tune, Carmen.
195
00:10:51,832 --> 00:10:55,407
Uh, hey, Carmen, would...
196
00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:57,950
...would you like
to go out with me?
197
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:01,537
On Saturday, maybe we could
go to a movie?
198
00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:06,642
Hey, Carmen, you wanna
go out with me some place?
199
00:11:06,725 --> 00:11:09,727
I got some free time
in between dates.
200
00:11:11,548 --> 00:11:14,994
[stammering] Juan said not leave here.
201
00:11:15,077 --> 00:11:17,927
Don't you wanna go?
202
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,200
Go, wanna, wanna go. Yeah.
203
00:11:22,946 --> 00:11:26,191
Carmen, if your personality
keeps up like this
204
00:11:26,191 --> 00:11:29,094
I might let you
ask me out on Saturday.
205
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,059
Bye, Carmen.
206
00:11:34,663 --> 00:11:36,264
Bye, Sweathogs.
207
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:39,588
Goodbye, Brooklyn.
208
00:11:41,973 --> 00:11:44,040
Goodbye, Judy.
209
00:11:47,703 --> 00:11:49,120
- Hi, Judy.
- Hi, Mr. Kotter.
210
00:11:49,203 --> 00:11:51,404
Where are the absentee forms?
211
00:11:57,981 --> 00:12:00,481
Thanks, Arnold.
212
00:12:05,688 --> 00:12:09,148
Arnold, you're not gonna find
any confidence in there.
213
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,273
Oh, I know, Mr. Kotter.
214
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:15,054
Oh, Judy, I found your lunch.
215
00:12:15,099 --> 00:12:17,735
I think I sat
on your ding dong.
216
00:12:19,664 --> 00:12:24,322
Thanks a lot, Arnold.
Now my lunch is squished.
217
00:12:24,405 --> 00:12:26,227
Things didn't go
exactly as planned, huh?
218
00:12:26,247 --> 00:12:29,729
Oh, Mr. Kotter, I didn't even
finish asking her.
219
00:12:29,752 --> 00:12:34,398
Mr. Kotter, Horshack,
y'all gotta hear this poem
220
00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:38,520
I wrote in honor
of my new love.
221
00:12:38,602 --> 00:12:40,063
Listen.
222
00:12:40,545 --> 00:12:44,070
"My love is like
a red, red rose
223
00:12:44,070 --> 00:12:48,833
"which sure beats
a rubber hose
224
00:12:48,916 --> 00:12:51,016
up your nose."
225
00:12:52,226 --> 00:12:53,480
Makes sense to me.
226
00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:58,688
- Alright,
- Yeah, yeah, sure thing, Jack.
227
00:12:58,688 --> 00:13:01,930
Any other problems,
you feel free to let me know.
228
00:13:05,797 --> 00:13:08,321
We was just in there
shootin' the breeze.
229
00:13:08,404 --> 00:13:11,345
Principal Lazarus said I was
in his office so much last year
230
00:13:11,428 --> 00:13:13,797
it's like we're old buddies,
you know.
231
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,492
Hey, Mr. Woodman,
Principal Lazarus
232
00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:18,933
wants to see ya.
233
00:13:19,016 --> 00:13:23,064
You better watch out,
the man doesn't like ya.
234
00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:28,049
Doesn't like me? Doesn't like
me, principal doesn't like me...
235
00:13:28,131 --> 00:13:30,829
You know, I could've
been principal.
236
00:13:30,896 --> 00:13:33,120
No, but they picked him.
237
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,023
And then he made sure
my door was smaller.
238
00:13:36,765 --> 00:13:39,146
And the lettering
on my door is smaller.
239
00:13:39,229 --> 00:13:42,471
My desk, my chair,
my wastebasket, all smaller.
240
00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:45,492
My American flag
has 13 stars.
241
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,863
I'm planning a mutiny, Kotter.
242
00:13:50,946 --> 00:13:53,288
Let me know if you want in.
243
00:14:01,399 --> 00:14:03,118
Hey, where's Carmen?
244
00:14:03,201 --> 00:14:06,102
Oh, I saw her down the hall
with Vinnie.
245
00:14:06,184 --> 00:14:08,588
He was sayin' somethin'
about under the boardwalk
246
00:14:08,588 --> 00:14:10,602
at Coney Island.
247
00:14:10,685 --> 00:14:16,651
Vinnie, you're gonna die,
Vinnie.
248
00:14:16,734 --> 00:14:21,417
I'm gonna kill ya, Vinnie,
I'm gonna kill ya, Vinnie!
249
00:14:21,417 --> 00:14:23,902
It's all over,
I want him, Frankie!
250
00:14:23,985 --> 00:14:25,599
[indistinct shouting]
251
00:14:25,682 --> 00:14:28,533
[theme music]
252
00:14:39,434 --> 00:14:43,097
Hey, Juan, you calm down
enough yet now?
253
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:46,595
Nah, I still wanna
kill Vinnie.
254
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:51,633
I shall devote my life
to worshipping Carmen Epstein
255
00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:57,158
from afar until the funeral
of her ninth husband
256
00:14:57,241 --> 00:15:00,744
when she will finally realize
that it is I whom am her
257
00:15:00,827 --> 00:15:02,927
own true love.
258
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:07,097
The shock will of course
kill me. Shock! Aah! Ugh!
259
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,921
Arnold, you're overreacting.
260
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,966
I'm sorry, Mr. Kotter,
but when I fall in love
261
00:15:14,966 --> 00:15:18,034
that's it, I'm a for keeps
kind of guy.
262
00:15:19,430 --> 00:15:21,590
Arnold, did I tell you
the story about Lelani Shapiro?
263
00:15:21,673 --> 00:15:24,150
- Yeah.
- Okay, I got another story.
264
00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:25,233
Oh.
265
00:15:25,316 --> 00:15:26,778
When I was about four,
there was this girl
266
00:15:26,778 --> 00:15:31,397
Babsie. She was five.
I always liked older women.
267
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,144
Anyway, we go and play doctor,
we go under the porch
268
00:15:33,227 --> 00:15:36,532
play doctor, she gimme her bill,
I give her my bill
269
00:15:36,615 --> 00:15:39,439
we'd sue each other
for malpractice.
270
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,891
For years, I thought
that was sex.
271
00:15:43,298 --> 00:15:46,181
Anyway, my point is,
at one time I loved Babsie
272
00:15:46,181 --> 00:15:48,945
then I loved Lelani Shapiro,
and now I love Julie.
273
00:15:48,965 --> 00:15:52,105
A person is capable of more than
one great love in their life.
274
00:15:52,188 --> 00:15:57,735
Oh, I know, Mr. Kotter, but
first, I'd like to love once.
275
00:15:57,735 --> 00:15:59,397
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
276
00:15:59,397 --> 00:16:01,597
Just let me get this straight,
alright?
277
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:06,511
Now, Epstein don't want Vinnie
to go out with Carmen, right?
278
00:16:06,594 --> 00:16:09,543
Alright, alright, alright,
I got that, okay. Okay.
279
00:16:09,544 --> 00:16:12,883
Horshack wants to go out
with Carmen, right?
280
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,645
- Right?
- Right?
281
00:16:14,646 --> 00:16:16,620
[laughs]
282
00:16:16,703 --> 00:16:20,849
Then why don't y'all two
just put your heads together?
283
00:16:20,932 --> 00:16:23,874
Well, half a brain
is better than none.
284
00:16:28,298 --> 00:16:30,401
Now that's a good idea, Kotter.
285
00:16:33,449 --> 00:16:35,690
Hey, Arnold, come here.
286
00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:38,033
What?
287
00:16:38,116 --> 00:16:39,874
I guess you're
better than nothin'.
288
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:43,578
I mean, uh, nothin' would
ever happen with you on a date.
289
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,607
- Would it?
- No.
290
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:49,171
- Alright, you got my blessing.
- Oh, thank you, Juan.
291
00:16:49,254 --> 00:16:53,893
Hey, Freddie, how we gonna fix
him up with my sister?
292
00:16:53,894 --> 00:16:58,738
Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo!
I got it, I got it.
293
00:16:58,738 --> 00:17:03,163
Horshack, pretend that
Mr. Kotter, here, is Carmen.
294
00:17:03,535 --> 00:17:05,358
Go ahead, just show us what
your basic approach would be.
295
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:09,681
Go ahead, show me what your
basic approach is gonna be.
296
00:17:09,682 --> 00:17:12,646
Go ahead.
You... I've got your back.
297
00:17:13,195 --> 00:17:15,044
[clears throat]
298
00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:23,007
Arnold, take me out
a few times first.
299
00:17:23,536 --> 00:17:28,081
I love you, Carmen,
I love you, I love you--
300
00:17:28,164 --> 00:17:31,472
Get your hands off my sister!
Get your hands off my sister!
301
00:17:31,555 --> 00:17:33,237
Take it easy, Juan.
Take it easy, Juan.
302
00:17:33,273 --> 00:17:34,712
Oh, thank you, Juan.
303
00:17:34,795 --> 00:17:38,771
No one ever told me to get away
from their sister before.
304
00:17:38,854 --> 00:17:40,485
[bell ringing]
305
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:43,442
Alright, let's go,
go to your next class.
306
00:17:43,525 --> 00:17:44,766
Come on, see you later.
307
00:17:44,766 --> 00:17:48,390
See you later, Mr. Kotter,
I'm so happy!
308
00:17:50,706 --> 00:17:53,034
[clanking]
309
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:59,252
[theme music]
310
00:18:02,946 --> 00:18:06,048
Yeah, I guess everybody's here
except for Freddie, huh?
311
00:18:09,353 --> 00:18:11,596
She doesn't love me no more.
312
00:18:11,679 --> 00:18:14,501
She don't love me no more,
read that.
313
00:18:15,619 --> 00:18:17,405
"Roses are red,
violets are blue
314
00:18:17,488 --> 00:18:19,571
I met a guy, who I like,
better than you.
315
00:18:19,590 --> 00:18:21,051
Bye-bye."
316
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:25,136
See, man, if I wasn't sure
she was crazy about me
317
00:18:25,219 --> 00:18:27,588
I'd think this was a kiss off.
318
00:18:28,925 --> 00:18:30,184
Don't pay any attention,
Freddie, until you get
319
00:18:30,267 --> 00:18:32,367
your third notice.
320
00:18:36,258 --> 00:18:38,842
I wanna use this period,
or what we have left of it
321
00:18:38,842 --> 00:18:41,541
to talk about something
that we don't teach in school
322
00:18:41,586 --> 00:18:44,489
but I think that you should
know something about.
323
00:18:49,257 --> 00:18:53,804
Love! Now, what does love
mean to you?
324
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,060
Vinnie?
325
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,838
Love, class...
326
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,771
...means never having
to hear "I'm pregnant."
327
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,227
Please, let me kill him,
I promise the man
328
00:19:17,311 --> 00:19:19,888
won't feel a thing.
It's gonna be painless, Vinnie.
329
00:19:19,971 --> 00:19:22,254
Juan, you've been acting
like a nut lately.
330
00:19:22,337 --> 00:19:23,895
- What's the matter with you?
- Vinnie!
331
00:19:23,978 --> 00:19:26,067
If you believe
in the fist fairy
332
00:19:26,101 --> 00:19:28,223
you're gonna stop hittin'
on my sister!
333
00:19:28,243 --> 00:19:32,244
Juan, I can't do that,
I want to, but I can't.
334
00:19:32,328 --> 00:19:34,350
I got a disease.
335
00:19:35,426 --> 00:19:37,754
[both] You got a disease?
336
00:19:39,994 --> 00:19:43,194
Yes, it's called girlitis.
337
00:19:44,763 --> 00:19:47,406
Every time I see
a beautiful girl
338
00:19:47,489 --> 00:19:51,188
my teeth,
they automatically flash.
339
00:19:51,236 --> 00:19:55,354
My hips,
they automatically shake.
340
00:19:55,354 --> 00:19:58,394
And my eyes,
they automatically sparkle.
341
00:19:58,477 --> 00:20:02,762
How'd you like your eyes
automatically black, huh?
342
00:20:03,183 --> 00:20:05,442
Alright, come on,
what's the matter with you guys?
343
00:20:05,525 --> 00:20:08,549
It's like in kindergarten,
sit down!
344
00:20:08,549 --> 00:20:12,030
I'm tryin' to teach about love,
not war.
345
00:20:12,113 --> 00:20:16,293
Right you are, Mr. Kotter.
346
00:20:16,377 --> 00:20:20,184
Love is a many splendid thing.
347
00:20:21,723 --> 00:20:24,044
It's been good to me.
348
00:20:24,578 --> 00:20:27,039
Oh, sure, Vincent.
349
00:20:27,558 --> 00:20:33,385
Go ahead, make mock, treat love
lightly like you always do!
350
00:20:33,468 --> 00:20:36,084
You don't know
what love is, Vinnie!
351
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:39,393
Horshack, I think you've
forgotten who you're talkin' to.
352
00:20:39,476 --> 00:20:42,036
Vinnie Barbarino!
353
00:20:47,063 --> 00:20:50,523
Up your nose with
a rubber hose!
354
00:20:56,854 --> 00:20:59,948
Arnold, that was confidence.
355
00:21:00,031 --> 00:21:04,883
No, it was Kurt Douglas.
356
00:21:06,814 --> 00:21:08,945
Hey, Arnold, you got guts.
357
00:21:09,028 --> 00:21:10,390
I like a man with guts.
358
00:21:10,398 --> 00:21:12,856
Hey, wait a minute, I got guts.
359
00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:15,633
I got guts all over the place.
360
00:21:17,106 --> 00:21:21,192
Vinnie, you and your guts have
got a lot to learn about women.
361
00:21:21,275 --> 00:21:23,208
Now, sit down.
362
00:21:23,291 --> 00:21:25,314
[chuckles]
363
00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:31,047
And you, my very own brother,
who I love
364
00:21:31,130 --> 00:21:33,493
is only interested in
who won't love me.
365
00:21:33,513 --> 00:21:36,080
Don't you think I can
take care of myself?
366
00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:38,819
- Oh, yeah, sure--
- I can't hear you!
367
00:21:38,902 --> 00:21:43,476
Alright, alright, alright,
you can take care of yourself.
368
00:21:43,477 --> 00:21:48,849
Hey, Carm, look,
I'm sorry, okay.
369
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:53,535
It's just, uh, just my way
of showin' I love ya.
370
00:21:53,535 --> 00:21:56,558
I love you.
371
00:22:04,930 --> 00:22:08,513
Nobody's ever turned down
Vinnie Barbarino before.
372
00:22:09,155 --> 00:22:11,640
Yeah, well my sister did.
373
00:22:11,724 --> 00:22:14,118
[bell ringing]
374
00:22:14,201 --> 00:22:18,183
Mr. Kotter, you-you think I'm
losin' my touch or somethin'?
375
00:22:18,266 --> 00:22:22,088
No, Vincenzo, you just got
a little to learn about love.
376
00:22:22,171 --> 00:22:23,631
Oh, yeah.
377
00:22:27,291 --> 00:22:30,462
You're gonna have to excuse me,
I gotta go practice.
378
00:22:31,603 --> 00:22:33,583
Practice outside.
379
00:22:34,850 --> 00:22:38,578
Hey, Carmen,
why don't you come with me?
380
00:22:38,661 --> 00:22:41,907
I wanna show you my shell
collection under the boardwalk
381
00:22:41,990 --> 00:22:44,252
at Coney Island.
382
00:22:47,965 --> 00:22:53,087
Arnold! You're gonna die,
Arnold.
383
00:22:53,170 --> 00:22:54,959
I'm gonna get you.
384
00:22:55,042 --> 00:22:57,936
[theme music]
385
00:23:01,743 --> 00:23:03,966
Tomorrow's another day,
you'll meet somebody else.
386
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,510
Bye-bye.
387
00:23:06,715 --> 00:23:09,608
Another day, another
three dollars and forty cents.
388
00:23:18,492 --> 00:23:20,930
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, honey.
389
00:23:21,013 --> 00:23:23,233
Hey, how's Carmen Epstein doing?
390
00:23:23,314 --> 00:23:25,925
Well, Mr. Woodman figured
that one Epstein was enough
391
00:23:25,958 --> 00:23:28,439
for one class
and I kind of agree with him.
392
00:23:28,522 --> 00:23:29,624
She's back in her old class.
393
00:23:29,624 --> 00:23:31,066
Yeah, I think
that's a good idea.
394
00:23:31,066 --> 00:23:35,223
Yeah, hey, did I ever tell you
about my Sister Eileen?
395
00:23:35,690 --> 00:23:38,175
Gabe, what does that have to do
with Carmen Epstein?
396
00:23:38,258 --> 00:23:39,660
Nothin', but I've been home
for ten seconds
397
00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:41,760
I haven't told one joke.
398
00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:43,485
My sister, Eileen,
when she was a little kid
399
00:23:43,485 --> 00:23:46,090
she lost her first tooth, right,
she comes up to me, she says
400
00:23:46,090 --> 00:23:48,494
"Gabey, what should I do,
I lose my tooth?"
401
00:23:48,578 --> 00:23:49,719
I said,
"Put it under your pillow
402
00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:51,321
and the good fairy'll give you
a quarter."
403
00:23:51,321 --> 00:23:53,021
So, that night, I snuck in her
room, I took the tooth.
404
00:23:53,021 --> 00:23:55,363
- And I put a quarter there.
- Did she see you?
405
00:23:55,364 --> 00:23:56,986
I didn't think so,
but next morning
406
00:23:56,986 --> 00:23:59,330
she's running around the house,
"My brother's a good fairy
407
00:23:59,413 --> 00:24:02,028
my brother's a good fairy,
my brother's a good fairy!"
408
00:24:02,111 --> 00:24:04,526
[theme music]
409
00:24:07,900 --> 00:24:09,662
[theme song]
410
00:24:14,950 --> 00:24:17,827
♪ Welcome back ♪
411
00:24:17,910 --> 00:24:21,483
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
412
00:24:21,566 --> 00:24:23,659
♪ Welcome back ♪
413
00:24:23,742 --> 00:24:28,185
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
414
00:24:28,268 --> 00:24:29,752
♪ Well the names have ♪
415
00:24:29,835 --> 00:24:31,014
♪ All changed since you ♪
416
00:24:31,097 --> 00:24:32,668
♪ Hung around ♪
417
00:24:32,751 --> 00:24:33,973
♪ But those dreams ♪
418
00:24:34,056 --> 00:24:35,148
♪ Have remained ♪
419
00:24:35,231 --> 00:24:37,455
♪ And they've turned around ♪
420
00:24:37,538 --> 00:24:39,457
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you? ♪
421
00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:40,676
♪ Who'd have thought ♪
422
00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:41,981
♪ They'd lead you? ♪
423
00:24:42,064 --> 00:24:43,635
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
424
00:24:43,718 --> 00:24:45,420
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
425
00:24:45,503 --> 00:24:47,639
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
426
00:24:47,722 --> 00:24:49,772
♪ 'Cause we got him on the
spot ♪
427
00:24:49,855 --> 00:24:52,078
♪ Welcome back ♪
428
00:24:52,161 --> 00:24:54,167
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
429
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:56,343
♪ Welcome back ♪
430
00:24:56,426 --> 00:24:58,607
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
431
00:24:58,690 --> 00:25:00,696
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot ♪
432
00:25:00,779 --> 00:25:02,872
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪
433
00:25:02,955 --> 00:25:05,004
♪ 'Cause we got him
on the spot ♪
434
00:25:05,087 --> 00:25:07,089
♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪♪
32434
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