Original subtitles

- Julie. - What?

Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Morris

who was drunk at the zoo?

Babe, they don't sell liquor at the zoo.

So, he got the liquor before he went to the zoo

and then he went to the zoo.

Anyway, he was drunk and he was at the zoo.

And we were standing in front of the lion's cage

and the lion was roaring. Roar!

Roar!

And he said, "Go ahead, fella, roar some more."

Roar!

And, my Aunt Eileen says, "Come on, I'm takin' you home."

"Not yet, the movie's just about to start."

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪♪

♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, you know, you guys

it's only two days to Christmas and I can hardly wait.

Oh, I hope Santa comes across with that Marie Osmond doll.

Hey, you know, last year I sent away

for one of them, uh, Raquel Welch dolls

they couldn't fit all of her in a mailbox.

Hey, Angie's here for his annual Christmas handout.

- You gotta know it's Christmas! - Hey, Angelo!

Long time, no see, Ange.

Yeah, Ange, you, um

next time why don't you tip the Maitre D'.

You get a better table.

Yeah, one without snow.

Hey, did I ask you guys for a floorshow?

You're off my Christmas list.

- Aw, you promised. - Angie, don't do it, please.

What were you gonna get us?

A subscription to skid row illustrated?

I told you guys, last year.

I am not a bum.

I am a corporate executive

keeping a very low profile.

Yeah, and I'm Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

Corporate executive.

[laughing]

Oh, come on, Vincent.

Can't you see that we are dealing

with a sensitive human being here?

A man who has fallen off of the merry-go-round of life.

Kid, you are depressing me!

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la ♪

How you doin'?

These kids givin' you a rough time?

It's me, Gabe Kotter.

Skinny kid, no mustache?

Kotter.

Ain't you graduated, yet?

Yeah,11 years ago.

I'm a teacher now.

Angie used to come here when I was a sweathog.

You knew him when he was a sweathog?

Man, you been around here a long time.

Eighteen years!

Two more years, and the school board

gives me a gold watch.

Yeah, well, maybe you can sell it and buy yourself a new suit.

You're very funny.

You guys are as funny as a pork chop at a bar Mitzvah.

- That's pretty good, man. - This man knows funny.

They're a regular riot. Could I see you guys a second?

- Sure. - You betcha.

- Excuse us, Angie. - Yeah.

See you in a minute, Angie, okay?

He's the joke that I imagined he is.

[laughing]

What's the matter with you guys?

Why are you comin' down on him like this?

I mean, the man is down on his luck.

I mean, he comes and gets that meal at the cafeteria

'cause that's probably the only good one he gets all year.

Boy, he is down on his luck.

Come on, Mr. Kotter.

We like him, he likes us.

We kid him, he kids us.

We was just havin' a little fun with him, that's all.

- Yeah, that's all. - Hey, Mr. Kot-taire.

- What's the problem? - We all street people.

Yeah, I'm afraid there's a big difference.

You guys hang out in the street.

Angie lives there.

Oh, but, really, he don't mind, Mr. Kotter.

Really, let-let me show you, okay?

Hey, Angie, Angie.

Hey, listen, you mind when we

when we fool around you and kid you like that?

Who cares what you say?

You kids are the worst!

See that? He likes us.

- There it is. - Be cool, Angie.

- Check in a while. - Hey, merry Christmas, Angie.

Mr. Kotter, don't forget the Christmas party grab bag.

We'll catch you on the next time around, Ange.

- Bye! Merry Christmas! - Get on.

Ah, Angie, look, I'm sorry about those kids.

- But, you know how it is-- - Forget it!

I mean, they're-they're no different than you were.

You-you remember, you remember what you used to say to me

when you were a kid?

Who remembers? That was 11 years ago, I don't re...

I remember one of the things I used to say.

I used to say, "Hey-hey, Angie

"every time you come around here you lower the property values

for the whole neighborhood."

You said that, you did.

I remember another thing I used to say.

I used to say, "Hey, Angie, why don't you give us a break

and rotate your shorts once in a while."

You know something, Gabe?

You were, really, a rotten kid.

Yeah.

I guess I was.

So, tell me, Angie.

How's everything going? A little rough, huh?

No rougher than usual.

Can you use any help?

Nah, you know me, Gabe.

Nah, I manage.

Yeah, but, look, it's the holiday.

Everybody could use a few extra dollars.

Hey, what are you doin'? What are you doin'?

Let me give you a little taste, here, go ahead, take it.

- What are you doin'? Come on. - No, no, no.

Everyone could use a little extra cash on the holiday.

Yeah, especially teachers. Now, you hang onto that.

You know, I got a rule about panhandling friends.

You understand, Gabe.

Yeah, I understand, Angie.

Sure.

Out there is our city.

It's comprised of the people who live in it.

Now, last month, as a guest speaker

we had Dr. Harry Beamish

who told us what it's like to be a professional.

I thought it'd be interesting if we had another speaker today.

Somebody who represented the naked city.

Boy, this guy's flipped out.

He's gonna bring a naked guy in here.

Now, calm down, I'm not bringin' a naked guy in here.

- Aw. - Aw.

Now, relax, girls.

Mystery guest, will you enter and sign in, please.

Greetings, from the great outdoors.

Angie?

What's he doin' in a classroom?

Hey, I think we can learn just as much from Angie

as we did from Dr. Beamish.

What's he gonna teach us, advanced vagrancy?

I think we should hear him out.

You're right, but first we gotta air him out.

Alright, settle down, come on!

I invited Angie here today

because I think it's important that we hear his story.

- Angie, go ahead. - Thank you, Gabe.

Now, I think the most important point--

Ah, Kotter, here's that file you asked for.

What's this?

Bowery show and tell?

Mr. Woodman, that's Angie.

I know who he is.

He's our annual schoolyard hobo.

You were always extra nice at Christmas, Mr. Woodman.

What do you do Christmas Eve?

Go door to door and tell kids there's no Santa?

Well, someone has to do it.

Look, Mr. Woodman, I personally

invited Angie here today to talk.

What are you studying, urban decay?

Just take a picture of your sweathogs.

[laughing]

Urban decay, sweathogs, you get it, Kotter?

[laughing]

Sorry for the interruption. Go ahead, Angie.

That's alright, Gabe.

Now, the turning point of my life

was in Chicago in 1954

when I took control of the syndicate.

Ah, come on, Ange. Ange, get off it, Ange.

- No, it's the truth. - Listen, Angie.

You told me you would come here and tell your story.

I wanted you to do it and you wanted to do it.

We're old friends, huh?

There's no need to make things up.

Alright, Gabe, but are you sure these kids wanna hear it?

[indistinct chatter]

Well, there's your answer.

Um, my name is Angelo Demora.

I used to be, uh, a butcher.

I had, uh, my own market.

Nothing fancy.

But I did alright.

I had to.

I had, uh, a wife and four kids.

Ah...

Three girls and a boy.

Um...

We were happy.

You know, I worked hard.

Ah, but I had my fun, too.

You know, I used to go to the racetrack

with the boys on Monday nights.

And, uh, you know, put a few dollars on the exactor.

And, then, uh, I'd go home and my wife, Celia

she'd be waitin' up for me.

And then I started to go on Tuesday nights

and Wednesday nights.

Losin' more and more money.

And, uh, one night, I, uh

I came home...

...broke as usual, you know

and, uh, there was no Celia...

...and there was no, uh, kids.

Ah, just a note.

I guess she got tired of waiting for that exactor to come in.

Ah, the rest of it is, um...

...quite obvious.

Ah, any questions?

Yeah.

You got a hanky?

Ah, I'm afraid I don't have one.

I-I don't seem to have very much of anything.

Angie...

Hey, Mr. Kot-taire...

...I guess there's a lot more to Angie than we thought.

Hey, look, Mr. Kotter, I wouldn't want this kinda thing

gettin' around, but, uh...

...I'm feelin' kinda bad for Angie.

Well, would you like to do something about it?

What?

He feels bad, ain't that enough?

Well, it ain't exactly what I would call

a Christmas present.

Ooh, I got it, I got it.

How about if we add him to our shopliftin' lists?

[laughing]

Joke. It's not a joke.

Well, it's up to you guys.

I mean, would you like to do something

to help Angie?

Hey, what if we pooled the money

that we was gonna use to buy each other Christmas presents

and spend it on Angie.

That's not a bad idea.

You know somethin'

I'm proud of you people.

An old guy shows up here in a tattered suit

and in five minutes this guy who was just a joke to you

becomes a man. A human being.

I guess that's what the miracle of this season's all about, huh?

Touche.

Yeah, Angie, nice shower.

We finish up this shave, it's gonna be a new man.

There ya go...

- Ooh, ooh. - Ah.

Oh, I hope that wasn't a birth mark there.

I still don't know how I let you guys talk me into this.

Oh, Angie, you just think of us as Michelangelo

and we'll think of you as a lump of clay.

May I have a fanfare, please?

[imitating trumpets]

And now, ladies and gentlemen

presenting the all new, factory-reconditioned

1977 model, Angelo Demora!

- Voila! - Alright.

Did we do that?

Very impressive, Mr. Demora!

By Jove we've done it.

Ah, congratulations, Professor Higgins.

- Here, here. - Ah, there, there.

Hey, guys, we've got the jacket and I've got the tie.

- Well, what do you think? - Wow!

Do you ever look sharp?

Oh, very pretty tie, Vinnie.

So, where'd you get it?

I got it at Mel's used tie shop.

It's got pizza stains all over it.

So what? When he gets tired of wearin' it, he can lick it.

Is this too tight?

Only if I wanna breathe!

Alright.

Now for the piece of resistance.

What?

- There you are, Ange. - Alright.

Oh, look, a velour lining.

Crushed velour.

Hey, that ain't crushed velour.

Ah, we'll crush it later.

Gabe, how do I look?

Angie, you look great.

You guys, you did a terrific job.

Alright.

I have, right here

the final touch.

- Hot stuff! - Whoa.

Put it on, put it on!

- Check it out. - My crowning glory!

Thank you, Gabe.

Oh, about the party tonight, Mr. Kotter.

What time does the missus want us over?

She said, uh, anytime after 1980.

Or maybe about 9 o'clock, okay?

Hey, merry Christmas, Angelo.

Angie, you look sharp.

- Real sharp. - Bye, Mr. ♪.

You cleaner than the board of health.

Really nice, Angie, see you later.

Get on.

Hey, Ange, you're gonna come, huh, tonight,

9 o'clock, you be at my house?

Are you kidding? I'll be the first one there.

I wouldn't miss it for the world!

♪ I'm puttin' on my top hat ♪

♪ Tyin' up my white tie ♪

♪ Dancin' on my tail ♪♪

I like that I help you out,

but, uh, I don't do Ginger Rogers.

Where'd you get the recipe for this punch?

- Your mother. - It's delicious.

Gabe, I thought we were gonna be alone this Christmas eve.

Look, honey, the sweathogs have done a lot to help Angie

and I have to let 'em see what they've accomplished.

We'll be alone as soon as they leave.

The sweathogs never leave.

Don't you remember last Christmas eve?

Arnold Horshack fell asleep on my lap.

Well, he was tired.

I mean, you'd be tired, too

if you were up on the roof till 2:00 a.m.

waving at reindeer.

Let me get you your present, okay?

- Okay. - Close your eyes.

I'll get your present, close your eyes.

Okay, okay.

What is it? Well, come on!

Close your eyes, keep your eyes closed.

Oh, come on, I wanna see it, now!

Okay, open 'em!

- Christmas tree you wanted. - Oh, honey.

Oh, okay, okay, thank you.

Okay now, now you close your eyes.

- You got a present for me? - Yes, close your eyes.

Okay, they're closed.

- Okay, are they closed? - Yeah, they're closed.

- Are you sure? - Closed!

You're gonna be so surprised, you're not gonna believe it!

There it is.

- There it is. - What is it?

It's a Hanukkah bush.

That's a Hanukkah bush, oh!

- Yes! - Thank you, thank you, honey.

I thought we could cross-pollinate them.

No, those mixed marriages never work.

Okay, grab the bush, I'll get the tree.

- Okay. - Come on, put it up there.

- Where? Oh, okay. - Up there.

Oh, they look beautiful.

Look, honey, I wanted to get you that silver bracelet

but I had to give it to Angie.

You gave Angie my silver bracelet?

Why?

Because he wouldn't wear the earrings I got him.

No, I gave him the money so he could, uh, you know

try and find a new life.

Honey... I love your tree.

I love your bush.

Oh.

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪♪

Come in.

There they are, the Mormon Tabernacle sweathogs.

Hey, where's Angie?

I thought he was coming with you guys.

Ah, we couldn't find him.

We even looked, on his favorite bench.

Hey, you know what?

It's 9:30 now, I don't think he's gonna show.

Yeah. Angie conned you and now you conned us.

Yeah, that's right, Mr. Kot-taire.

He probably took all our money

went out to the track and put it on some loser.

Look, I think you guys are missing the point.

I mean, even if he did that

the money's not what's important.

The important thing is you reached out

to help somebody in trouble.

That's what counts.

There's no guarantee he's gonna accept that help.

Gabe's right, guys. You gave it a shot.

You couldn't do any more than that.

Nah? I think we could find him and give him a shot.

Hey, that's Angie.

- Hi. - Sorry I'm late.

- Angie. - Angie!

You got your old clothes back.

It wasn't easy, 'cause the sanitation department

was actually gonna bury them at sea.

Angie, uh, I don't understand.

Well, it was like this, you see, I was lookin' in the mirror

combin' my hair, puttin' on my tie

and the snazzy-lookin' guy in the mirror lookin' at me

it wasn't me.

But, that guy was you once.

Yeah, once, but not anymore.

It took me 20 years to get here.

This is me, this is Angie.

But... but you're a bum.

But I'm a happy bum.

Look at the advantages.

Look, I'm free to travel.

I don't have to punch any time clock.

No company picnics.

I don't have to wait till I'm 65 to retire.

Boy, that sounds good.

Where do ya sign up for somethin' like that?

Ange.

You really believe that?

Look, I got that suit tucked away in a safe place.

Now, maybe someday I'll want to wear it.

But not right now.

Look, this is all I am.

Look, I wanna thank you guys for everything.

And, Gabe... you really were a rotten kid.

But you're a very nice man.

Merry Christmas.

I don't understand.

How could he let us do all this stuff for him?

I think it was because he didn't want to, uh

spoil your Christmas.

Well, what do you mean spoil our Christmas?

Yeah, what are you talkin' about?

Yeah, I mean, like, we took all of our money

that we were gonna use for Christmas

we go and spend it on him.

- Yeah. - And, what does he give us?

Epstein...

...how did you feel when you were shavin' Angie

gettin' him ready?

I felt great.

Vinnie, how'd you feel when you were gettin' that tie for him

pickin' it out?

Really nice.

And, Freddie, how'd you feel when you put on that jacket?

Really together.

And, Arnold,

how you feel, right now?

Special.

Very special.

Well, that's what Angie gave you guys.

What's the matter?

You want it gift-wrapped?

- Ah! - Oh!

Hey, look, we didn't have much money left

but we got you all some presents, alright?

[indistinct chatter]

♪♪

Santa, did I ever tell you about my cousin Eileen?

Well, she was really skinny.

She was so skinny, when she took a shower

she had to wear snow shoes.

Otherwise, she'd get sucked down the drain.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Where'd you go, honey?

Oh, went over to the table

Santa was there, havin' some milk and cookies

and I told him about my cousin Eileen.

That's nice, honey.

[bell jingles]

♪♪

[theme song]

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪

♪ Well the names have all changed since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams have remained and they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya ♪

♪ Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ We always could spot a friend ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ And a smile when I think ♪♪