Original subtitles

- Hi.

I've just finished phoning the drugstore

for a bottle of Listerine Antiseptic.

We Nelsons always like to keep an extra bottle on hand.

We think it's the best thing in the world for sore throats

when you have a cold.

[music playing]

- Listerine, the most widely used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first all-day anti-enzyme toothpaste,

present "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky,

with Don DeFore as Thorny.

- Well, then you and Doc are going to drive up

there together, is that right?

- Yeah, we'll meet you and Oz up at the lake

in front of the boathouse.

- Oh, that's a good place.

[phone rings]

Oh, pardon me.

Hello?

Yeah, he's right here.

It's for you, Doc.

- Oh, thanks.

Yes?

Oh, certainly, I'll be right there.

Yes, I'll hurry.

- An emergency?

- Yeah, my wife.

I'm late for dinner.

Well, I guess I better get going.

See you tomorrow, fellas. - OK.

[interposing voices] - Get to bed early now.

- Yeah, we will. - Don't you guys be late.

- What time should we leave, Oz?

- Oh, why don't we make it, say, 5 o'clock?

- OK.

Good night.

- 5 o'clock?

- Certainly, it'll take us two or three

hours to drive up there.

- Ooh, how about 5:15?

- All right, 5:15.

- OK, bye.

- Well, good night, fellas.

- Oh, good night, Pop.

- Gee, it's only 8 o'clock.

- Oh, well, I have to meet Mr. Thornberry at 5:15

in the morning.

I want to get a good night's sleep.

How are coming with your geometry there?

- OK.

I'm kind of stuck on this one, though.

- [TV PLAYING]

- This is an isosceles triangle?

- That's right.

- [tv playing] Come back!

You'll get 20 years for this!

- Don't they give an illustration

at the beginning of the chapter?

- Well, the chapter starts back here.

- [tv playing] And I'll tell you another thing,

my camera's been missing the whole evening.

It's as though someone didn't want me to take photographs.

- There was a guy waiting--

- Kind of rusty on this stuff.

Uh, do you have any other homework to do?

- I have some English.

- Well, you go ahead on your English.

I'll see if I can figure this out.

- OK.

Thanks a lot, Pop.

- [tv playing]

-

-

-

[tv chatter]

- Good night, Mom.

- Good night, dear.

- Oh, don't worry about the geometry, Pop.

It doesn't have to be in till Monday.

- Oh, OK, son. Good night.

- Good night.

- It's 11 o'clock.

Don't you have to get up early?

- Yeah, I'm not going to stay up late.

[tv chatter]

- [tv playing]

- Isn't that the same picture they had on last night, Dave?

- Yeah, but I didn't see the start of it.

[tv chatter]

- Oh, I saw the beginning of that,

but I didn't see the ending.

Starts out pretty good.

Don't tell me how it ends, Dave, but just tell me this.

Does this guy turn out to be the villain?

- Nope.

- No kidding? - Do you want me to tell you?

- No, no, no.

- [tv playing]

-

-

-

-

- What happened to your mother?

- She went up about a half an hour ago.

- Oh!

Didn't hear her.

- Think I'll go up to bed myself.

I got a game to play tomorrow.

- OK, son.

Tell your mother I'll be up in a few minutes.

I want to see how this picture ends.

- OK, Pop. Good night.

- Good night, son. - Have a good time tomorrow.

- Thanks, Dave.

[theme music]

- Good night, dear.

- Oh, good night.

- Don't you want your robe? You'll be cold.

- Uh, oh, no.

I can set up the thermostat if it gets cold.

- I hate to remind you, but you're going fishing tomorrow.

- Oh, yeah, uh, I know.

I won't stay up late.

Uh, you know, it's a funny thing.

I thought that picture on television seemed familiar.

The story is taken from this book.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, they changed the ending.

I don't think it's as good.

- Well, don't stay up too late. - No, I won't.

I'll just finish this chapter, and then I'll

want to get a bite to eat.

[music playing]

[bottles clanging]

Now, just a second!

That's my milk you've got there. - Yes, I know.

I'm your milk man.

- I'm terribly sorry.

- Oh, that's all right.

It's an occupational hazard.

- I don't believe I've met you before.

My name is Nelson, Ozzie Nelson. - Yes, I know.

I'm Fred Green.

- Oh, have you been on this route very long?

- Oh, about 11 years.

- Oh.

Well, I don't get up this early very often.

Uh, would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?

- Uh, no thanks, but I will have a glass of milk.

- Oh, yeah, sure.

Here, sit right down.

I'll get a glass for you.

- Thanks.

How come you're up so early, Mr. Nelson?

- Uh, well, actually, I haven't been to bed yet.

- Oh, big night, huh?

- Oh, no.

It's nothing like that.

Uh, I guess I was a little too keyed up to get to sleep.

We're going on a little fishing trip this morning.

- Oh, that sounds like it'll be fun.

- Yeah, I think so.

In fact, we're due to leave in a few minutes.

We're going up to Rainbow Lake.

They tell me they're pulling out a lot of big ones up there

these days. - Well, good luck to you.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

- Thanks a lot for the milk.

- Oh, it's a pleasure.

[yawns]

- A little tired?

- Just a little bit.

- You ought to get a few deep breaths of this fresh morning

air. It's nice and crisp out.

- It is kind of warm in here, isn't it?

I'll open up a window.

- No, no, I mean get out in it and jump around.

You know, get your blood circulating.

Come on.

- Well, all right.

- It's nice. This will wake you up.

- Yeah.

- Well, nice to have met you, Mr. Nelson.

- Nice to have met you. Bye.

- Goodbye.

Keep moving.

Don't catch cold.

- OK.

[SPEAKING QUIETLY] Harriet!

Harriet!

Harriet!

[SPEAKING QUIETLY] David!

Ricky!

David!

Ricky!

- Shh! Quiet out there!

- Oh!

Hi, Thorny.

- What are you doing out here?

- I locked myself out.

- You locked yourself out?

- Yeah, it doesn't make much difference anyway, though.

It's nearly 5 o'clock.

It's practically time for us to get up.

- Oh, really?

It's so dark out, I didn't realize it.

Say, why don't you check the latch

before you close the door?

- Well, I usually do, but I got talking to the milkman.

The first thing you know, I was locked out.

- Oh, that's stupid.

I do it automatically.

I just look at the latch and press the button

and close the door.

It's as simple as that.

Now look what you made me do.

- I had nothing to do with it.

You did it all by yourself.

It was the dumbest thing I ever saw in my life.

- Yeah, but it was your fault. Now what are we going to do?

We can't go fishing like this.

All my stuff is inside.

- Well, my stuff is in my house, too.

I'll think of something.

Hey, uh, our station wagon is in the driveway.

We could stretch out in the back of it for a little while.

It's comfortable there.

- Well, it doesn't sound comfortable to me.

- Oh, sure.

Harriet will be awake in about two hours.

Come on, it's better than standing out

here freezing to death.

- What a dumb way to start a fishing trip.

- Hey, take a look in there.

- Yeah, it does look pretty comfortable, at that.

- See, you've got blankets and everything.

Go ahead, climb in.

We get a couple of hours sleep and feel fine.

- Yeah, you go ahead.

I think I'll just relax.

I don't feel sleepy now.

- You don't mind if I cork off for a couple of hours, huh?

- No, go ahead.

- I sure hope we catch some big ones today.

Thorny?

Thorny?

- I guess Pop must be almost up at the lake by now.

- Are you kidding?

He's probably been up there for a couple of hours.

I'll bet he's got a basket full of fish by now.

- Now who's kidding?

He just goes up there for the exercise and fresh air.

- Who says so?

- Pop does, when he comes back without any fish.

- That's a fine way to talk about your father.

- You think he'll come back with a couple of tall stories?

- Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

You take the most honest man in the world,

and he's liable to stretch the truth a bit

when it comes to telling you about the fish he caught.

- Yeah, and especially the one that got away.

- I'll say this for your father, though, he usually

gives us a warning, such as, uh, Harriet,

you'll probably find this hard to believe.

- What time did they leave this morning?

- Well, it must have been pretty early.

I didn't even hear the car drive out.

- No wonder.

It's still in the driveway.

- Well, how about that?

- They must have taken Mr. Thornberry's car.

- Oh, well, that's good news.

I have to go downtown this morning.

Now I won't have to bother you, David.

- Oh, were you going to bother me?

- Well, I was going to ask you to drive me downtown.

- Oh, that wouldn't be any bother at all,

wouldn't it, Dave?

- Well, now that I'm off the hook, I might as well agree.

- Well, as long as you boys are in such a helpful mood

this morning, how about clearing the dishes

off the table for me?

- What's the rush, Mom?

- Well, I have an appointment to get my hair done,

and I thought I'd have the car lubricated

while I was downtown.

- That's a good idea.

- Hey, where else are you going?

I might be tempted to go with you.

- To the emporium.

And then I have a hat I want to exchange,

or rather your father wants me to exchange.

And then I have to stop at the market

to get some things for dinner.

- You mean like fish?

- Oh, no, I'm counting on your father to bring home the fish.

Come on, if you want to go with me.

- I'm all ready right now.

- Hey, who's going to carry out the dishes?

- Well, looks like you're back on the hook again, David.

[music playing]

- Don't get crumbs all over the car now.

- Oh, I won't, Mom. I'll sit in the back.

- Hey, Rick!

- You clear them off yourself.

It's your turn, anyway.

- OK, if you don't want to play.

- Play what?

- Baseball, of course.

Will Thornberry phoned, and we need an extra man.

- Hey, Mom, is it OK if I don't go downtown with you?

- You do whatever you want, dear.

- OK, I'll play ball then.

- Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you going?

- Going to get my glove.

We're going to play baseball, aren't we?

- We have to clear off the table first.

- Hey, David.

[music playing]

[snoring]

- Oz? - Hmm?

- Oz?

Hey, wake up.

Look.

- Holy-- hey, somebody drove us downtown!

- What time is it?

- I don't know.

That clock doesn't work.

Do you suppose Harriet drove us down here?

- Well, I don't know.

We're supposed to be up at the lake, fishing.

- Careful, Thorny.

Somebody could see you.

- Well, we got to get out of here!

Say, wait a minute.

There's a phone booth over there by the parking lot.

Maybe we can get Catherine to come down here and pick us up.

- Yeah, that's an idea.

Do you have a dime?

- Oh, naturally.

I always carry loose change in my pajamas

in case I wake up and find myself downtown.

- Maybe there's some money in the glove compartment.

Keep down.

- OK.

Hey, I found a couple of pennies in the seat.

- Well, that's good.

Now all we need to do is find a phone booth that takes pennies,

and we're all set.

- Well, you can always get some gum.

- Hey, we're in luck!

Here's a dime!

- Great.

[laughter]

- This is the silliest thing I've ever heard of.

- What a fishing trip.

- What are you doing?

- I'm getting this blanket.

I'm going as an Indian.

- As long as you're going as an Indian, I have an idea.

- Well, doesn't Harriet want that hat anymore?

- I don't know, but I never did care for it.

Try this on for size.

- How do I look?

- Oh, wonderful.

You look like Big Chief Long Feather of the No Fair Tickling

Tribe.

- [laughs]

- Come on, let's go.

- Are you a real Indian?

- How, kid.

Me, Tonto.

- Who are you?

- Uh, I'm his agent.

- Oh, come on.

They're not real Indians.

- She's making another call.

Kind of a short number.

- Possibly the police?

- Well, let's get back in the car and wait for Harriet.

- Yeah.

- We're just, uh, going fishing.

- Oz!

What happened to the car?

- Uh. Shh.

- They're looking at us.

They're watching us.

- [hums] Make believe we're window shopping.

- How do we get out of here?

- [hums] Anybody watching us?

- Hm, there's a big crowd.

- [hums] Oh!

[chuckles] Uh, we were, uh, in the back of our station wagon,

and we fell asleep.

[music playing]

[alarm blaring]

Apparently, we're on our way somewhere.

- Yeah.

Oz, what's that funny smell?

- I was just wondering the same thing myself.

Hey, there are fish in these barrels.

We're on a fish truck.

- Well, we were going fishing.

- Hey!

- Help!

- Let us out of here! - Help!

Stop the truck!

- Hey!

- [yawns]

[pounding on truck]

- Let us out of here!

- Hey, open up!

- Hey, what's going on here?

How'd you guys get in there?

- Oh, ah.

Uh, it's kind of a long story.

- What is this, a fraternity initiation or something?

- Oh, uh, no, we're a little old for that sort of thing.

- Say, where did all this fish come from, anyway?

- Rainbow Lake.

I'm just taking back what I didn't sell in town.

Would you gents care to have some on the house?

- Oh!

- Hey, that's an idea.

- Uh, yeah, that's very nice of you.

See, we were going on a fishing trip,

and it would be nice to take some fish home.

- Good.

Be my guest.

- Oh!

[music playing]

- Gee, nobody seems to want to stop for us.

- Well, you figure it out.

Would you stop for a couple of guys

out on a highway in their pajamas?

[cat meows]

- Well, these darn cats don't help any either.

Come on, fellas, will you leave us alone?

- Well, I don't blame them for following you.

You smell like the fish market.

- Well, you're no rose yourself.

- Hey, I have an idea.

[cats meowing]

Here you are, boys.

[car horn honking]

Hey.

Hey, here comes Doc! Doc!

- Yeah!

- Doc, Doc, Doc! - Hey!

Hey, Doc!

- Doc, Doc!

Boy, are we glad to see you!

- Hey, what happened to you guys?

You were supposed to meet us up at the lake.

- We've had the darnedest experience you ever heard of.

- Wait till you hear about this! - Hey, wait a minute.

Where did you catch these fish?

- [laughs]

- Well, I'll tell you.

- No, no, no, wait a minute.

Let's not tell them, Thorny.

- Well, believe it or not, they came out of Rainbow Lake.

- What part of the lake?

We didn't catch a darn thing.

- In the first place, aren't you interested to find out

how come we're standing out here in broad daylight

on a main highway in our pajamas?

- Oh, Oz, I'm a doctor.

I'm sick and tired of seeing people in their pajamas.

What I want to know is where did you catch these beautiful fish?

- Believe it or not, a guy gave them to us.

- It's no use, Doc.

Just wait till the next time we find a good fishing spot.

- Look, aren't you going to ask us what happened to us?

- A little later, Thorny.

Would you guys mind leaning back a little?

The wind is blowing this way.

[music playing]

- Harriet?

Harriet?

[music playing]

Oh, hi, dear. When did you get home?

- Just a little while ago.

Say, I saw those beautiful fish you caught.

- Oh, boy, that's not the half of it.

What a day we had!

- Oh, that's good.

You know, you ought to do that more often.

- Uh, I know you're going to find this hard to believe.

- Oh, come on now.

Don't tell me any stories about the big ones that got away.

- Hiya, Pop. - Oh, hi, son.

- Oh, did you see the beautiful fish your father caught?

- Oh, now, just a second, Harriet.

Uh, there's quite a story that goes with this.

- Hey, we won the game, Pop, 12-0.

And I hit a home run.

- Oh, good for you, son. - It wasn't a home run.

It was on errors. Hiya, Pop.

- Oh, hiya, Dave. - I say it was a good hit.

- Are you kidding?

- Come on, boys, get washed up for dinner.

We're going to have fish tonight.

- Uh, fellas?

- How many hits did you get, wise guy?

- Uh, uh.

[chuckles] Oh, well, they probably

wouldn't have believed it anyway.

[music playing]

- Honestly, the things they put in the paper these days

and expect people to believe them.

- You're not kidding.

- Says here there were two full-grown men running around

downtown in their pajamas yesterday.

- Uh, where does it say that?

- Oh, don't worry, dear.

They don't show your picture.

[ending theme]

- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by Hotpoint.

- And remember, Hotpoint changes your viewpoint.

- Automatically.

- Dr. Williams was played by Frank Cady.

Van was Claude Stroud.

The truck driver was played by Henry Kulke.

And Ralph Peters was the milkman.

This is Verne Smith speaking.