All language subtitles for The.Adventures.Of.Ozzie.And.Harriet.S03E15.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP2.0.x264-CRFW.en

- Would you like to see a nice
color picture of us Nelsons?

It's on the cover of the March
issue of "TV Star Parade."

I've written an article
for the magazine, too.

It's called "I'm Glad
I'm a Working Wife."

I hope you like it.

Oh, and while you're
down at the drugstore,

be sure and get a
bottle of Listerine.

We always like to have an extra
bottle on hand, particularly

during the colds and
sore throat season.

- Listerine, the most widely
used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first all
day antienzyme toothpaste,

present "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife
Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson,

and his younger brother,
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next
door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Do you want to do
something, David?

- Aw, I'd rather just sit
here and relax for a while.

- Come on, let's do something.

- Like what?

- Let's play some cards.

- Not with you.

Who wants to play
Fish all afternoon?

- What are you talkin' about?

I beat you the last time
we played gin rummy.

Let's play some poker, seven
card stud with aces deuces

wild.

- I promised mom I'd take her
downtown in a little while.

- Well, I have to go over to
Georgie Dunkle's house, too.

Let's play til mom gets ready.

- I wish you would, Dave.

I'd like to finish this article.

- Boy, you sure are persistent.

Where's the card table, Pop?

- Oh, I think it's in
the hall closet there.

- Hmm, I can't find the cards.

Oh, I know where they are.

You get the card table.

I'll get the cards.

- Well, that's an uneven
trade if I ever heard one.

Don't strain yourself.

How am I supposed to get
the card table out of here

with all this junk
in front of it?

- Move it out of the way.

Don't be so lazy.

Very good, David.

Very good.

Now show us the swan dive.

- Don't be funny.

What do you got all these
electric trains in here

for anyway?

- Hurt yourself, Dave?

- No, I'm all right, Pop.

- Hey, what's
going on down here?

- Oh, it's nothing serious.

David just fell down.

- You know David
and his big feet.

- At least you should
be interested to know

whether I broke anything.

They're your trains, little boy.

- How could you break anything?

You didn't even hurt yourself.

- You know what I mean.

- It wouldn't do any harm to
look the trains over, Rick.

- Oh, they're OK, Pop.

Just push them back
in the closet, David.

- Come back here, will ya?

Give me a hand with this stuff.

As I said before,
they're your trains.

- I haven't even looked at
them for a year and a half.

- Well, as the man said
when we bought them,

"There's nothing like
an electric train

to make a small boy
go wild with delight."

- Rick, how come you got them
stuck in the closet there?

- I don't know.

I guess I just outgrew them.

I'm not a small boy anymore.

- No, but you're small.

The question is, a small what?

- Look, as long as you're
not using these anymore,

why don't you take
them out to the garage?

- Gee, they're a lot handier
here in the closet, mom.

- I thought you weren't
interested in them anymore.

- I'm not, but I'm not
interested in carrying them out

to the garage either.

- Oh, but you will
do it, won't you?

- I don't think there's
any doubt about that.

- You want to give
me a hand, Pop?

- Oh, that's OK, son.

I'll take care of them for you.

Look at this cattle car.

These little doors
open and close.

They have stalls
here for the cattle.

- Pretty corny, huh, Pop?

- I don't think
it's corny at all.

I think it's a darn
nice little set.

It's a shame to have this
stuck away in the closet

or out in the garage.

You sure you're not
interested in this anymore?

- No, really, Pop.

It gets kind of tiresome.

All it does is go
round and round.

- And Ricky can't
stand the competition.

- OK, David, I'm not
as dumb as you think.

I'd show you if I
had a chemistry set.

- A chemistry set?

- Yes, ma'am.

Now there's something
I'd really like to have.

- Are you kidding?

Chemistry sets are for
kids about 10 years old.

- Oh, yeah?

Georgie Dunkle has one that
could blow up this whole block.

- Wait a minute.

- Oh, we don't fool around
with the explosive stuff, Mom.

Right now, we're working
on a big experiment.

- Yeah, I can see
the headlines now.

"Ricky Nelson invents
colored water."

- Oh, yeah.

- Say, Rick, I think I know how
you could get a chemistry set.

- How, Mom?

- Well, you say you're
tired of the trains,

and I think the hobby
shop takes trade-ins.

Why don't you go down there
and see what you can do?

- Yeah, sounds like a good idea.

What do you think, Pop?

- Hmm?

Oh, yeah, I think
they'd probably trade it

for you if you want them to.

- OK, I'll go down there the
first thing in the morning.

Right now, I have to get
over to Georgie's house.

We're winding up
a big experiment.

- Well, wait a minute.

What are you making?

- I'd rather not
say with David here.

Besides, what's so funny
about colored water?

[train whistling]

[door knocking]

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- Hi, Oz.

Hey, what's going on in here?

- Nothing, why?

- Well, that's pretty crushing.

I'd swear I heard a long low
whistle when I walked by.

- Oh, that, oh, that was
Ricky's train whistle.

He's got his train set up
here in the living room.

- Well, that's the last time
I'll believe those hair oil

ads.

Say, wait a minute, I just
saw Ricky across the street.

How could he be running
the train if he's not here?

- Oh, oh, uh, well,
maybe you just

imagined you heard
the train whistle.

- Well, maybe.

Harriet and David home?

- No, they went downtown.

- Oh, you're home alone,
just you and the trains?

- Now, wait a minute, Thorny.

Are you suggesting that
I, a full-grown man,

would be sitting
here in the living

room playing with trains?

In the first place,
I'm not especially

interested in trains
and-- and, uh,

and I'm not the mechanical type.

And-- and--

- And the engine's still warm.

- And the engine is still warm.

Don't be ridiculous, Thorny.

- Well, it's nothing
to be ashamed of, Oz.

We've all got to face
second childhood sometime.

- Here, I'll show you.

[train whistling]

See, I was kind of
looking to set over trying

to figure out what it's worth.

Ricky wants to trade it in
tomorrow for a chemistry set.

- Well, how lucky can you get?

Well, there's no end
of exciting things

a father could do with one
of those chemistry sets.

- Say, if you want
to be of some help,

you could give me a hand
putting this in the box.

Ricky wants to take it down
the store tomorrow morning.

- OK.

Say, wait a minute, why
don't we take them down

to the store for him?

Maybe we can get a
better deal than he can.

- Oh, well, I think we ought
to check with Ricky first.

- What, you want to get
the best deal, don't you?

Come on, let's take it down
to Talbot's hobby shop.

- Oh, well, now, just
a second, uh, Thorny.

What's the big hurry?

We can do it just as
well tomorrow morning.

- Well, do you think it's fair
to make him wait that long

for the chemistry set?

Come on, let's go.

- I-- I don't think we should.

- You know, I hear they
have a real big model train

layout down at Talbots.

Beautiful trains.

- Well, of course,
there is this fact.

He's kind of eager to
get the chemistry set.

- Even lets the
customers operate them.

Beautiful trains, just
like the real thing.

- Hey, uh, maybe
you're right, Thorny.

It would be kind of
fun to surprise Rick.

- Good afternoon.

Can I help you?

- Yes, I was wondering, do
you buy used electric trains?

- Yes, well, that is, we
accept them as trade-ins

if they're in good shape.

- Well, I think you'll find
these are in good shape.

They've only had one
owner, my small son.

And he's getting
kind of tired of them

and he'd like to trade them
in for a chemistry set.

- I see.

- Well, it seems to be
in pretty good condition.

- Oh, it's in
excellent condition.

It's just that he feels
he's getting a little

old for this sort of thing.

- Maybe he's lost
interest because he

hasn't got all the equipment.

Now, if you'll step over here
where we have the trains,

I'll show you what I mean.
- All right.

- Wait a minute, Oz, don't go.

He's only trying to
sell you something.

- Won't hurt to go over there
and take a look at this stuff.

- Here we are.

We're very proud of this setup.

We have just about everything
you could want here.

There's the water tower,
that's the lumber loader,

trestle bridge, rotating
beacon, and all sorts

of automatic gadgets.

- Could we see that, uh,
cattle loader in operation?

- Yes, of course.

See how it jiggles the cows
up the ramp and into the car?

- Hey, that's pretty cute.

Uh, would you mind
putting on a demonstration

of the trains in action for us?

- Not at all.

We've developed a few unusual
railroad techniques here.

Oh, you gentlemen are from
the neighborhood, aren't you?

- Oh, yes.
- Sure, why?

- Just checking.

We don't want any spies in here
from the Baltimore and Ohio.

Oh, uh, don't lean over
the railing, please.

The comet express
is due any minute.

- It does look pretty realistic.

[train whistling]

- That's really swell.

Uh, would you mind
showing us how to run it?

- Not at all.

This throttle
controls the speed.

This gadget here starts
and stops the train.

These levers control
the switches.

Oh, pardon me, I've
got another customer.

Go right ahead, it's
a foolproof system.

- You don't know Mr. Nelson.

- That's a nice thing to say.

Please.

- Might as well
make this official.

- Oh!

- Oz, you're supposed to
turn the switch on first.

- Thorny, I'm supposed
to run the trains.

You heard the man.

- Well, he gave me a hat, too.

We're both supposed to run it.

- OK, you can flip
on the switch.

- Gee, thanks.

[train set running]

[crossing bell ringing]

[train whistling]

[crossing bell ringing]

Speak to me, Casey.

Speak to me.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

We seemed to have
caused a wreck here.

- There's no damage done.

These little trains
are very sturdy.

There we are.

Just flip on the
switch and away we go.

[train set running]

- Oh, thanks a lot.

Thorny, when you flip off
the switch, the trains stop.

- I know, that's the idea.

Aren't you forgetting something?

We came down here to trade in
Ricky's train for a chemistry

set.

- Well, gee, where
is Ricky's train set?

- Oh, it's right over here.
- Oh.

- However, the trade-in value
of a train like this is pretty

low.

Actually, it could be
worth more as a starter set

for a real layout.

- Say, that's an idea.

Maybe we ought to
have Ricky come down

and look over the whole deal.

- Oh, for heaven's
sakes, Oz, you

promised the boy you'd trade
this in for a chemistry set.

- I didn't promise him
anything of the sort.

- Well, you know he wants one.

He wants the
chemistry set and he

doesn't want the train anymore.

- Well, yeah, I
guess you're right.

How much will you allow
me for the train set?

- Well, let's see now.

Seems to be in pretty
good condition.

- Uh oh.

This door doesn't work.

- Well, certainly it does.

- Well, it doesn't
work very well.

- It works perfectly.

The entire set is in excellent
condition, believe me.

- It doesn't look like it to me.

- Uh, Thorny, would you mind
allowing this gentleman and me

to transact our business without
your constant interference?

After all, he owns
this establishment

and I'm sure he's
an expert on trains.

I'd definitely like to
trade in the train set

for whatever chemistry set
you can allow me in exchange.

- Well, we'll see what chemistry
sets we have available.

I'm sure we can work out a deal.

- Looking for something?

- I can't find my trains any
place, just a transformer.

- We left them in the
closet, didn't we?

- No, they're not in there.

They're not out in
the garage either.

- Well, how's the chemist?

- Oh, we decided
to give that up.

- Why?

I thought you were and Georgie
were working on an experiment.

- Yeah, we were, but it's
just like David said.

I'm getting kind of old
for that sort of stuff.

Hey, have you seen my trains?

- Your trains?

I thought you said you were
getting too old for trains.

- Yes, ma'am, for
the little sets.

Georgie and I decided to
combine both of our sets

and make one terrific big set.

- You're right, it's not in the
closet and it's not in the den

either.

- Well, it must be
around here someplace.

- I'll see you later, Oz.
- Oh, wait a minute.

Aren't you coming in
the house for a while?

- No, I don't think so.

- Oh, come on in while we
open up the chemistry set.

I remember this wonderful
formula from high school.

You mix all this stuff
together and it comes out

smelling like rotten eggs.

It's a lot of fun.

- No thanks, Oz, I think I'll
enjoy it better from my house.

See you later.

- OK, so long, Thorny.

- Wow, what's in the big box?

- Oh, now that's
a fine greeting.

You might at least have said,
hi, dear, or, hello, Ozzie,

what's in the big box.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi, dear.
Hello, Ozzie.

What's in the big box?

- This happens to be something
our young son wants very much--

a brand new chemistry set.

- Oh, don't tell me you traded
his train for a chemistry set.

- Well, yeah, you were
the one who suggested it.

- Well, yes, but I'm willing
to give you all the credit.

- Hey, what's in the
big box, hiya, Pop?

- Good thing I brought
the box in with me.

I might not have
gotten in the house.

- What's in the box?

- Uh, well, it's something
for a boy named Ricky.

- Oh, pardon me, dear.

I got some things I have to do.

- Well, Harriet--

- What's in the box, Pop?

- Uh, well, son, what is it
you'd rather have more than

anything else in the world?
- Oh, that's easy.

A new train loader
and some automatic

switches for my train,
if I could find my train.

- Now, wait a minute.

I thought you said you wanted
to get rid of the train.

- I did, but I changed my mind.

You know how girls
change their mind?

Well, I'm not exactly a
girl, but I go with girls.

- Wait, son, but what's
that got to do with it?

- I'm just trying to explain
how I changed my mind.

- Harriet, come back
here, you coward.

- Who, me?

Well, I may as well tell you.

What your father's
trying to say is

that he took your train
downtown and exchanged it

for a chemistry set.

- It was your mother's idea.

- You mean my train's gone?

- Well, yes, but only
temporarily, son.

I'll go right back to the
store and get our train--

uh, get your train back.

- Oh, gee, that'll
be swell, Pop.

- And not only that, I may
get you a new cattle loader.

- Oh, gee, thanks.

- And some automatic switches,
and a new watertower,

and a gateman--

- And a dress.

- --and a tunnel, and a
crane, and a dump car--

- And a hat, and a fur
coat, and an alligator bag.

- And a hat, and a fur
coat, and an alligator bag.

Now, wait a minute,
Harriet, aren't you

getting carried away there?

- Oh, I'm with you, dear.

- Well, we'll see.

- Boy, Georgie and I are sure
going to have a swell layout.

We're going to railroad
the Dunkles right out

of their house.

- Oh, uh, were you figuring
on setting your trains up

over at the Dunkles?

Why don't you set them up
right here in our house?

- Yeah, I could set
it up in my room,

so it'll be out of the way.

- Well, yes, or
you could set it up

right here in the living room.

- Yeah, but I could leave
it up longer in my room.

- Oh.

Well, I'm sure you
could leave it up here.

- Say, I have an idea.

Maybe we could run a
spur into your den.

- That's a wonderful idea.

We'll be right back, son.

- OK, Pop.

- Well, here I am again.

- Oh, it's you, sir.

How do you do?

What can I do for you?

- Uh, well, it's about this
chemistry set and my son.

- Oh, don't worry, sir.

Just feed him lots
of warm soapy water

and he'll be as good as new.

- Oh, no, it's
nothing like that.

It's just that he's
changed his mind

and he'd like to get his
trains back and give you back

the chemistry set.

- They were very old trains.

- Oh, yes, I realize that.

- And they really
weren't worth very much.

- I know that and
he knows it too,

but he'd like to have them back.

In fact, I promised I'd
bring them home with me.

- I wish you hadn't done that.

- Why do you say that?

- Your son's trains
have been sold.

- Oh.

- But that's impossible.

- Well, that's what I
said when I heard it.

- Don't you have
another secondhand train

set you could let us have?

- No, I'm afraid we don't.

Oh, wait a minute.

There is something
I could do for you.

Sell you a new train.

Right this way, please.

- Oh, uh, uh, I'm
sorry, but, really, I

don't think we'd like to
spend quite that much money.

- No, especially since Ricky
changes his mind so much.

- Yeah, see, he
goes out with girls.

- Well, I'm sure we can
find something reasonable.

Here, just glance
through this catalog.

You'll see some
beautiful trains in there

at practically any price.

- This one looks reasonable.

I bet Ricky would
like this, too.

Set 100 at $20.

- No, you better take
another look, dear.

It says set number 20 for $100.

- Oh, this is fine print.

How about this one?

It says right here $10.

- Yes, that's all
right, I guess.

Actually, that's a good buy.

There's a five year
unconditional guarantee

on the wind-up spring.

- Well, I guess maybe we'd
better keep the chemistry set.

I'm sure my son will understand.

Yes, girls are easier to satisfy
than boys, right Harriet?

Where's-- oh.

Harriet?

Come on, dear, we decided
to keep the chemistry set.

- Here you are, madam.

The switch is right there.

- Oh, thank you very much, but
we have to leave right away.

- Oh, come on, just
for a minute, huh?

- Well, just a couple
of times around.

[train set running]

- Well, that's OK, pop.

I understand.

If the train's gone, it's gone.

Anyway, I still have
the chemistry set.

- Well, that's a darn nice
attitude to take, son.

- It's a darn nice set, too.

- I think you'll have
a lot of fun with it.

- Come on upstairs
and I'll show you

the stuff I learned
in my chemistry class.

- This ought to take
about 30 seconds.

- I'm certainly proud of the way
Ricky took that disappointment.

- Yeah, he's a good little guy.

[door knocking]

Oh, uh, there's
Thorny at the door.

Do me a favor,
would you, Harriet,

and don't mention anything
about the trains to Thorny?

He kind of thinks
they're juvenile.

He accused me of being in my
second childhood a while ago.

Come in, Thorny.

Well, what can I do for you?

- Oz, answer one question.

You big crook, what's
the idea of selling

me a train without
the transformer?

- Wait a minute.

What's in the box there?

- Never mind, just hand
over my transformer.

- Now, don't tell me you're the
guy who bought Ricky's trains.

- Well, this isn't
the Orient Express.

- No wonder you were trying
to beat down the price when

I was trading it in.

- Now, Oz, don't change
the subject, just hand

over my transformer.

- Well, it's not
your transformer.

I left it home here
by mistake and it

wasn't sold with the trains.

- Well, by golly
then you're going

to give me back every cent I
put into this thing, every cent.

- OK.

- Why, I'm-- you seem
pretty eager to get it back.

- Uh, how much do I owe you?

- Well, there's the carrying
charges and the delivery

charges and--

- Uh, uh, you keep it, Thorny.

- Now, wait a minute, Oz.

Wait a minute,
come on back here.

As long as you're
so mercenary, I'll

just let you have
it back for $25 more

than the man allowed you.

- $25, for what?

- Well, for the cattle loader
and the switches and things

I bought.

- You two guys, honestly, it
frightens me every time you

leave the house alone.

- Yeah, I guess it does
sound a little silly.

- That was a pretty sneaky
deal you tried to pull.

Getting me to sell the
trains cheap just so

you could buy them.

- Oz, I apologize.

I should have known better.

Trains have been trouble for
me for the last 20 years,

ever since I stepped
on Catherine's

on the way to the owner.

- Hi, Mr. Thornberry.
- Hi, Mr. Thornberry.

- Hi, boys.

- Hey, Rick, your train
set is over there.

- Hey!

How about this?

- Yeah, your dad just bought
you some new equipment.

- Oh, gee, thanks, Pop.

- Hey, this is terrific.

- Let's set them up, David.

- Ain't it funny?

No matter how old kids get,
they never get tired of trains.

- Yeah.

That's right, Rick, those two
wires go to the transformer.

- Thanks, Mr. Thornberry.

I know it.

- Uh, Dave, when you
get around to it,

put the bridge over
on the other side.

- OK, Pop.

- Uh, Rick, if you don't
mind my suggestion,

those switches won't
work in that position.

Wait a minute.

Let me show you.

- Uh no, Dave--
pardon me-- not here.

I might move the cars up here
and bring this over here.

- Oz, don't put
the bridge there,

the train won't be able
to go around the bend.

- I thought you were
supervising the switches.

Let me take care of
the bridge, will you?

Look what you're doing here.

You'll have a wreck the
first time around, Thorny.

- Oz, you tend to your
job and I'll tend to mine.

- Hey, David, let's play
some poker, seven card stud.

- Ozzie.

- Yeah?

- Haven't you two fellas
played with that long enough?

- Just a second, Harriet.

We have one more
trip to Schenectady.

Let's load the cattle on.

- Ricky, what do
you suppose would

happen if we combine
sulfur and ferrous oxide?

- Gee, I don't know, Mom.

- Wonder how much a gram is.

- I think that little one
measures a gram, Harriet.

- Oh, no, no.

No, Harriet, wait a minute,
don't hold this in your hands.

This is what this thing's for.

Pardon me.

See, like this.

Want to get one of
those beakers, Thorny?

- OK.

Where's the mortar and pestle?

- Right over there.

- All aboard for St. Louis.

Aboard.

[train whistling]

- We've been shanghaied.

- Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

- Ozzie.
- Harriet.

- David.

- Ricky.

- --will be brought
to you by Hotpoint.

- And remember, Hotpoint
changes your viewpoint--

- Automatically.

- The part of the hobby shop
clerk was played by Dan Tobin.

This is Verne Smith speaking.