All language subtitles for The.Adventures.Of.Ozzie.And.Harriet.S02E35.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP2.0.x264-ZEW.en

- Yes, that's right,
Listerine Antizyme toothpaste.

Oh, I know it is.

It stops the major cause
of tooth decay every minute

of every day.

[music playing]

- Listerine, the most widely
used antiseptic in the world

and Antizyme, the first all day
anti-enzyme toothpaste present

"The Adventures of
Ozzie and Harriet"

starring the entire
Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie who plays
the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife
Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys,
David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother
the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor
Thorny is played by Don DeFore.

[music playing]

- Are the boys ready yet?

- Uh, Uh-- Harriet, have
you seen a little, square,

blue envelope about so big?

- You answer my question,
I'll answer yours.

Oh, uh-- what was your question?

- Are the boys ready yet?

- What boys?

Oh!

I told them they
couldn't go to the movies

until they finish
their homework.

- Oh that'll speed things up.

Now, what was your question?

- Uh-- have you seen
a little, square,

blue envelope about so big?

- No, but I'll help you look.

- Please.

- Oh, this it?

- [SHOUTING] No!

- Oh, what's the matter?

- Oh, uh-- Harriet, this
is my enlarging paper.

Now you've exposed it to
the light and ruined it.

- Oh, well, can I
wash it or anything?

- I just have to throw it away.

It only cost 65 cents.

- 65 cents?

- Well, Harriet, you gave me
the enlarger for my birthday,

and it's no good unless I
enlarge pictures with it.

And I can't enlarge pictures
unless I buy enlarging paper.

- That seems to follow.

You know, if I'd realized
how much time and money

you were going to
spend on this thing,

I'd have gotten you something
else for your birthday.

- Oh, no, it's a wonderful
birthday present.

It's just that can't enlarge
pictures with just an enlarger.

Didn't the man at the
camera shop tell you that?

- No, he did have kind of
a funny smile on his face,

though, while I was
making out the check.

- See, the enlarger is
just the beginning of it.

You have to have all the rest
the stuff that goes with it.

As I say, I'm surprised
the man at the camera shop

didn't tell you that.

- What did you do
with your pictures

before you got the enlarger?

- Well, I used to take the roll
of film down to the drugstore.

- Yeah, you sure used to
get some nice pictures.

And every once in a while,
I got a bottle of perfume.

- As I say, anybody can
click a shutter on a camera,

but the real satisfaction
in photography

is to take your own picture,
develop it, print it,

and enlarge it yourself.

- Well, I suppose so, but
it takes up so much time.

You're always out in the garage.

- Well, I set the darkroom up
out there to keep the mess out

of the house.

- You're also keeping the
cars out of the garage.

I hardly ever see you anymore.

You know I've been
thinking seriously

of writing a letter
to Aunt Martha.

- Aunt Martha?

You don't have an Aunt Martha.

- Everybody's got
an Aunt Martha.

Evidently, you don't read
her column in the paper.

It's really very interesting.

Here let me show it to you.

Here, here's tonight.

"Dear Aunt Martha,
My husband and I

have been married for six years.

We have three lovely
children and two dogs

by a former marriage."

Gets your interest
right away, doesn't it?

"My husband gives me a small
allowance to run my household,

and out of this he insists
that I feed the dogs.

Since the dogs were
originally his,

I don't feel that this money
should come out of my budget.

What should I do?

Signed RB."

- Oh, this is silly, Harriet.

- Aren't you interested
in the answer?

- I know the answer.

She'll tell her to either get
a bigger allowance or smaller

dogs.

Besides, it's ridiculous to send
a personal problem like that

into a newspaper.

- Well, sometimes
people need help.

Well, if she needs help, why
didn't she just talk it over

with her husband,
the same as you and I

do when we have a problem.

- Yes, and I'd like to--

[alarm bells]

--ask you-- is
that the telephone?

- Oh, uh, no, that's the
timer bell on my dark room.

I left some prints in there.

I'll be right back.

[music playing]

- Ready to go to the show, Mom.

- Oh, fine.

Finished your homework?
- Yes, ma'am.

- Ricky finish his?

- Yeah, he did, too.

- I'll get my coat.

- Where's Pop?

- Oh, he's out in the
garage in the darkroom.

We'll have to go get him.

Ready, Rick?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Come on then, let's go.

- I wonder if there's any of
those 3D pictures playing.

- No.

- Heck, just when I was
learning not to duck.

[music playing]

- Come on, Oz, let's go.
- Don't come in.

Don't come in.

- We don't want to come in.

We want you to come out.

- Yeah, let's not keep
Marilyn Monroe waiting.

- I can't come out right now.

I got something in the soup.

- Soup?

- He means the developer.

- Oh.
Well, come on.

We're waiting.

- I can't leave now,
Harriet, this whole thing

will be ruined.

- Well, if we don't
leave now we're

going to miss the picture.

- Well, you go ahead,
and I'll finish up here

and I'll meet you
down there later.

- Oh, are you sure?

- Yeah, uh, where
are you going to be?

- At the Rivoli.

- OK, I'll see you
down there later.

- Aw, Pop.

- Well, I'm sorry, Rick.

- Not as sorry as I am.

Now I have to pay
for my own popcorn.

[music playing]

- Hi, Pop.

- Oh, hello, fellas.

- Boy, you sure
missed a swell movie--

"Jet Jockey."

- Oh, airplane picture, huh?

- No, sir.

It's about this jockey.

He rides the horses so fast
they nicknamed him "Jet."

Then he falls in
love with this girl

who owns this moving van
that they ride the horses in.

Then on his way back from China
he runs for Congress and--

- Wait a minute.

What happened to the
girl with the moving van?

- Oh, she was shot
escaping from prison.

- He's got the two pictures
and the coming attractions all

mixed up.

- Well, I wouldn't
argue about it fellas.

I'm awful sorry I didn't get
to go to the picture show

with you guys, but I
was out in the darkroom

there making that
enlargement of your mother.

Uh, where is your mother?

- She's driving the
car around back.

- Oh.

Well, it's kind of late.

You boys better hit the hay now.

- OK, Pop.
Good night.

- Good night.

- Good night, fellas.

- Well, if it isn't the
famous photographer,

Vladimir Verichrome.

- Oh.

Did you enjoy the picture?

Ricky told me all
about it the jockey

who was elected to Congress.

- If he told you all
about it, how could

you possibly think
I could enjoy it?

- Yeah, I- I- I--

- I kept looking for you.

- Oh, well I'm
sorry, but you see,

I got started on
this enlargement

of the picture I'm doing of you,
and I just couldn't leave it.

- You mean it took
you three hours

to fix up a picture of me?

- Well, I had a lot
of work to do on it.

I mean, I was trying
for a special effect.

I think I got it, too.

I used a soft bromide
paper and a short exposure,

and I increased the
developing time about 10%.

It has a wonderful,
misty quality about it.

- You used to get
the same effect

by keeping your thumb over the
lens when you took the picture.

- Uh, Harriet, I'm sorry
if I seem so engrossed

in this photography business,
but it's so darn interesting.

- More interesting than
going to the movies with me?

- W- Well, no,
it- it isn't that.

When I-- look uh, I'm
not doing anything now.

Why don't we do something
together, right now?

- At this hour?

- Anything at all.

- How about reading
me some poetry?

- You know I never
read poetry to you.

- You said anything at all.

- Say, I have an idea.

Why don't we play a little
gin rummy, just you and I?

Come on, we haven't played
gin rummy in a long time.

- All right, the cards are
over there in the table.

- Oh, OK.

Oh- Oh- Oh, no.

[music playing]

Oh, there's a score pad
and everything here.

Just push that stuff
right out of the way.

- Remember how to play?

- I think so.

Uh, 10 cards each, right?

- 11 to me.

[music playing]

Thank you.

- It's nice and peaceful.

Two of us just sitting
here playing cards.

- Certainly is.

- You're first.

[alarm bells]

Harriet, I forgot.

I've got something in the tank.

I'll be back in
about a half hour.

Just hold everything
just the way it is.

- Don't wake me
when you come back.

[music playing]

- Harriet?

- Yes, dear?

- Somebody tore a big chunk
out of the sports section here.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Aunt Martha's column
was on the back of it.

- You mean to say you're
still reading that?

- Oh, more than ever, There's
a very interesting letter

in there this morning from this
woman whose husband works late

at night, and she has to go
to the movies by herself.

And she met this real
nice man at the movies,

and she wants to know if
it'll be all right to see him,

since she never sees
her husband anyway.

- Well, of course she shouldn't.

- Well, why shouldn't she?

I mean, after all, she has
to sit next to somebody.

- Harriet, you know
darn well there

was no such thing in the paper.

You're just making that up.

- What are you
getting so upset for?

Did I strike an exposed
nerve somewhere?

- I- I, Harriet, you know
darn well I didn't miss going

to the movies with you
last night intentionally.

And the next time we plan to
go to the movies, I'll be--

I'll be there.

- I wonder if Aunt
Martha would advise

me to accept your apology?

- Aunt Martha, that's
the silliest thing

I ever heard of in my
life, and you know it, too.

- I don't know, dear.

There are an awful lot of women
writing in into her for advice

about their husbands.

- Well, I still say
the only sensible thing

for two intelligent
people to do if they

have any difference of
opinion, is to sit down

and talk it over,
over a cup of coffee.

- Good.

Let's discuss it.

- OK, fine.

Now--
[alarm bells]

--I realize--

- Well, you're in
the soup again.

[music playing]

- Oh, hi, Dave.

- Would you do a favor for me?

Mom asked me to go down
and get some stamps

and mail these letters
for her, but I have

to go meet Will Thornberry.

- Oh, I'll take
care of it for you.

- Thanks.

A couple of air mails and a
3 cent one for the big one.

[bell rings]

- What's this?

"Aunt Martha, care of the
Friend of the Family column."

- Wonder what Mom's
writing to her for?

- Well, I don't know.

So hard to tell now that she's
using these thick envelopes.

- You don't she wants
any advice, do you?

- Well, no, why should she?

- I don't know.

You're the photographer
in the family, Pop.

Thanks a lot.

See you later.

[music playing]

- What's going on outside, Pop?

- Oh, uh, nothing special, Dave.

- Looking for the
paper boy again, Pop?

- Oh, what makes you say that?

- Every day for the past
week around this time,

you'd stand by the window
and watch for the paper boy.

Then when he comes you
dash out to get it.

- Oh,
[chuckles]

- You guys been
watching me, huh?

- Yeah, yesterday you caught
it before it hit the ground.

- I'm just lucky, I guess.

- What are you looking for
in the paper, anyway, Pop?

- Well, I just want to make
sure I get the news first.

- You worried about
Little Orphan Annie?

- No, no, no, of course not.

- You don't have to be you know.

She's indescribable.

- Indestructible.

- Yeah, they'll never
knock her off, boy.

- Has your mother mentioned
anything about my standing

out here every day
waiting for the paper boy?

- No, she's usually in the
kitchen about this time.

- Oh, that's good.

- Hey, here comes the paper boy.

- Oh, uh- uh, I'll just
stroll out to meet him.

- Pop's quite a stroller.

- Yeah, I wonder if he was
ever on the track team?

[music playing]

- Something interesting, Oz?

- Listen to this, Thorny.

"Dear Aunt Martha.

My husband--"

- Oz, Aunt Martha?

Don't tell me you actually
read that silly column.

- This is terrible, Thorny.

Airing family problems for
the whole town to read.

- Who?

- Well, if you'll just listen.

- All right.

All right.

- "Dear Aunt Martha.

My husband and I--"
- Oz, you've already read that.

Read the rest of it.

- Well, I'm trying to.
- Wait a minute.

You're too nervous.

Let me read it.

Where is it?

- Yeah, right there.

- "Dear Aunt Martha.

My husband and I have
been happily married

for a number of years.

But now something has come
between us, his hobby."

What's his hobby, blondes?

- No, uh-- photography.

- How do you know?

- Read on.

- "Might have been
my fault, because I

encouraged him to take it up."

- Practically my exact words.

- Stop mumbling.

"But now he ignores me,
neglects his children,

and shows no interest
in family problems.

Aunt Martha, before this gets
more serious, what can I do?

Signed, H."

- It even sounds like H.

- It certainly does.

Who is H?

- Well, Harriet, of course.

- You mean Harriet wrote this?

- Well, yes.

I mailed the letter for her.

Go ahead, read Aunt
Martha's answer.

- "When a husband shows
more interest in his hobby

than he does his
wife and family,

it calls for drastic action.

Bide your time.

And if he doesn't change his
ways, do something about it."

- Do you realize what
that means, Thorny?

She's practically advising
Harriet to go see a lawyer.

- Well, it's very obvious to me.

The first thing you've got to
do is to give up the hobby.

- Yeah, you're right.

I just won't fool
around with it anymore.

- Well, it's not only
that, Oz, but you've

got to start paying a little
more attention to Harriet.

Tell her how nice she
looks, take the family out

a little more.

Buy her a few little gifts.

Perfume, flowers.

- Yeah you're absolutely right.

I have been neglecting her.

I'll pay her compliments.

I'll buy her perfume.

I'll take them out to
the movies, dancing.

You think that'll work?

- Oh, of course, Oz, of course.

Believe me, if anybody
could worm his way back

into the affections
of his family,

you're the worm who can do it.

[music playing]

- Harriet?

- I'm in the closet.

- Oh.

- I've just been cleaning it up

- Oh, Harriet, even
with a smudge--

[grunts]

Even with a smudge
on your nose, you're

still the most beautiful
girl in the world.

- My bag's on the hall
table but leave me a dollar.

- Honey, will you, please?

Sometimes when
you've been married

to somebody as attractive
as you for such a long time,

you sort of forget
what an attractive girl

you've been married for
such a long time to.

- What brought that on?

- Well, I- I've just been
doing a little thinking.

- Say, have you seen
the evening paper?

- Oh, yes.

Have you?

- No, where is it?

- Oh, well, I left
it over with Thorny.

- Oh, I wanted to read
Aunt Martha's column.

- Oh, there's nothing in it
of, uh, special interest.

It's very drab.

Well, Harriet, what
I wanted to tell you,

I had to go down to the
drugstore to buy a few things.

So while I was down there,
I bought a little surprise

for you.

Sit down, dear.
Don't go away.

Just stay right there.

Here you are.

What could be more appropriate?

- A bottle of air wick?

- No, I'm sorry, dear.

I gave you the wrong package.

- Oh,

[chuckles]

Oh, perfume.

But it isn't our
anniversary or anything.

- Well, no.

But I just thought I'd
buy you a little gift.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- Oh, I'm glad you like it.

- Uh, what are we
having for dinner?

- Well, I haven't
thought about it yet,

but I'll rustle up something.

I'll send the boys out to
the dark room to get you.

- No, I was going to suggest
that you and the boys

and I go out for dinner tonight.

- Well, that'd be
wonderful, but I

thought you wanted to
work in the darkroom?

- No, no, I- I thought it might
be a lot of fun if we just

spent an evening
together for a change.

- I'm amazed.

- Well, what's so amazing
about a man wanting to spend

an evening with his family?

Come on, get your
good clothes on.

I'll call the boys.

Dave, Rick!

[music playing]

You know, this is nice.

We haven't been dancing
together for a long while.

- Yes, it's fun.

- Oh- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Well, that's all right.

I think we'd better
get back to the table.

- Just because I stepped
on your foot once?

- Oh, no, no, it's just
I think David's getting

tired of dancing with Ricky.

- Oh.

[music playing]

- I can't take many
more of these movies.

- What's the matter with you?

- My eyes are beginning
to turn at the corners

from watching
these wide screens.

[music playing]

- Oh, here's a
picture of you when

you were a little baby, Rick.

- He weighed more
then than he does now.

- Make fun of me--

Look at that picture of
you, little Lord Fauntleroy

with a Buster Brown
collar and the long curls.

- That's your father.

- [chuckles]

[circus music]

- Well, come on,
get your coat on.

The boys ready yet?

- Oh, they're upstairs
doing their homework.

- Oh, I have a wonderful
evening planned for us tonight.

- Oh, look, dear, we've
done something every night

this week.

The boys have got to catch
up on their homework,

and I've got a lot of mending.

Don't you have
anything you can do?

- Well, nothing more important
than spending the evening

with you and the boys.

- I know, dear, and
we appreciate that.

- Well, Harriet--

- Look, why don't you go out
and work in your dark room.

- No, no, no, no, not there.

- Well, why not?

You got all that equipment.

- Well, I just don't
want to go out there.

That's all.

- Well, two weeks ago, I
couldn't drag you out of there.

- Well, that was two weeks ago.

- Oh, Ozzie, please, come on.

- No, it's-- hey, hey, hey!

Harriet, if you're so anxious
to get me out in the dark room,

why did you send a
letter to Aunt Martha?

- Oh, did you see it?

- Well, yes, I saw it.

I don't mind telling
you I was pretty hurt.

- Why?

- Well, complaining
about my hobby,

my neglecting you and the boys.

- What's this?

- Well, I- I don't think
it was very funny, Harriet.

And then when I
gave up the hobby,

you treat it as a big joke.

- Well, it is.

- Well, I don't think it is.

I think Aunt Martha's right.

A man should spend more
time with his family.

He shouldn't neglect them.

He should be more
considerate of them.

- Well, Ozzie, I didn't write
and complain about your hobby.

- Well, you did so.

I have the column right here.

I've been carrying it around
in my pocket for days.

I have the thing
practically memorized.

- Well, I didn't write this.

- You didn't?
- No.

No, here's the letter I wrote.

It was in Tuesday's paper.

I guess you didn't see it.

- Well, I- I was too busy
planning activities, I guess.

- Well, here, read it.

- "Dear Aunt Martha.

It seems to me if more wives
spent less time complaining

about their husbands and more
time trying to understand them,

there'd be less complaints
and more happy marriages.

Oh, my husband
and I both realize

that we're human beings.

And we each have our faults.

And especially now that we're
not getting any younger,

uh- uhm, we try to forgive them
and make allowances for them.

As a consequence, our marriage
has been a very happy one.

Signed, Harriet."

Oh, that's beautiful, Harriet.

- Read Aunt Martha's answer.

- "Dear Harriet.

Bravo.

I'd like to break up your
home and marry this man.

I don't get along as
well with my husband."

Oh, Harriet, that's--

I don't know what to say.

That- that's a very nice letter.

And it's true, too.

- Yes, it certainly is.

- I always try to understand
all of your little faults.

- My faults?

Well, look, dear, you have
just as many as I have.

At least I don't spend all
my time out in the dark room.

- Well, no, that- that's
not fair, Harriet.

I haven't been out in the
dark room for two weeks.

- Now, wait just a minute.

You always say let's not
discuss things when we're angry.

Now, let's just simmer
down and discuss it later.

- OK.

Stand here and simmer then.

[music playing]

- Are you busy?

- Oh, not too busy.

You all calmed down?

- Oh- Oh, yes,
you simmered down?

- Yep.

- Oh, fine.

- Would you care
to discuss things?

- Uh, yeah, that's why
I came in, Harriet.

Go ahead, you make your
suggestions first, dear.

- Oh, all right.

Well, you know, I think the
secret of people getting along

compatibly--

[alarm bells]

- Oh, I've got
something in the soup.

I'll be right back, dear.

Just hold everything.

[music playing]

- Dear, did you see this letter
in Aunt Martha's column today?

- No, I didn't.

- Listen to this.

"Dear Aunt Martha,
What should I do?

My husband spends all his
time at his photography hobby.

I never see him any more."

If the initials on this weren't
KT, you'd think it was from me.

- KT?

That must be
Katherine Thornberry.

- What makes you think so?

[alarm bells]

- Well, Thorny's been
using my darkroom.

[music playing]

- Next week, "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire
Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by
Hotpoint quality appliances.

Remember, Hotpoint changes
your viewpoint automatically.

[music playing]

Don't forget that a
completely different episode

of "The Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday
night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for
time and radio station.

- America's future depends
on its citizens of today.

More than half a
million Americans

are victims of cerebral palsy.

So let's all unite
in this battle

against a cruel and
crippling enemy.

Give to United Cerebral Palsy.

Our help is needed right now.