Original subtitles

- Yes, that's right, Listerine Antizyme toothpaste.

Oh, I know it is.

It stops the major cause of tooth decay every minute

of every day.

[music playing]

- Listerine, the most widely used antiseptic in the world

and Antizyme, the first all day anti-enzyme toothpaste present

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor Thorny is played by Don DeFore.

[music playing]

- Are the boys ready yet?

- Uh, Uh-- Harriet, have you seen a little, square,

blue envelope about so big?

- You answer my question, I'll answer yours.

Oh, uh-- what was your question?

- Are the boys ready yet?

- What boys?

Oh!

I told them they couldn't go to the movies

until they finish their homework.

- Oh that'll speed things up.

Now, what was your question?

- Uh-- have you seen a little, square,

blue envelope about so big?

- No, but I'll help you look.

- Please.

- Oh, this it?

- [SHOUTING] No!

- Oh, what's the matter?

- Oh, uh-- Harriet, this is my enlarging paper.

Now you've exposed it to the light and ruined it.

- Oh, well, can I wash it or anything?

- I just have to throw it away.

It only cost 65 cents.

- 65 cents?

- Well, Harriet, you gave me the enlarger for my birthday,

and it's no good unless I enlarge pictures with it.

And I can't enlarge pictures unless I buy enlarging paper.

- That seems to follow.

You know, if I'd realized how much time and money

you were going to spend on this thing,

I'd have gotten you something else for your birthday.

- Oh, no, it's a wonderful birthday present.

It's just that can't enlarge pictures with just an enlarger.

Didn't the man at the camera shop tell you that?

- No, he did have kind of a funny smile on his face,

though, while I was making out the check.

- See, the enlarger is just the beginning of it.

You have to have all the rest the stuff that goes with it.

As I say, I'm surprised the man at the camera shop

didn't tell you that.

- What did you do with your pictures

before you got the enlarger?

- Well, I used to take the roll of film down to the drugstore.

- Yeah, you sure used to get some nice pictures.

And every once in a while, I got a bottle of perfume.

- As I say, anybody can click a shutter on a camera,

but the real satisfaction in photography

is to take your own picture, develop it, print it,

and enlarge it yourself.

- Well, I suppose so, but it takes up so much time.

You're always out in the garage.

- Well, I set the darkroom up out there to keep the mess out

of the house.

- You're also keeping the cars out of the garage.

I hardly ever see you anymore.

You know I've been thinking seriously

of writing a letter to Aunt Martha.

- Aunt Martha?

You don't have an Aunt Martha.

- Everybody's got an Aunt Martha.

Evidently, you don't read her column in the paper.

It's really very interesting.

Here let me show it to you.

Here, here's tonight.

"Dear Aunt Martha, My husband and I

have been married for six years.

We have three lovely children and two dogs

by a former marriage."

Gets your interest right away, doesn't it?

"My husband gives me a small allowance to run my household,

and out of this he insists that I feed the dogs.

Since the dogs were originally his,

I don't feel that this money should come out of my budget.

What should I do?

Signed RB."

- Oh, this is silly, Harriet.

- Aren't you interested in the answer?

- I know the answer.

She'll tell her to either get a bigger allowance or smaller

dogs.

Besides, it's ridiculous to send a personal problem like that

into a newspaper.

- Well, sometimes people need help.

Well, if she needs help, why didn't she just talk it over

with her husband, the same as you and I

do when we have a problem.

- Yes, and I'd like to--

[alarm bells]

--ask you-- is that the telephone?

- Oh, uh, no, that's the timer bell on my dark room.

I left some prints in there.

I'll be right back.

[music playing]

- Ready to go to the show, Mom.

- Oh, fine.

Finished your homework? - Yes, ma'am.

- Ricky finish his?

- Yeah, he did, too.

- I'll get my coat.

- Where's Pop?

- Oh, he's out in the garage in the darkroom.

We'll have to go get him.

Ready, Rick?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Come on then, let's go.

- I wonder if there's any of those 3D pictures playing.

- No.

- Heck, just when I was learning not to duck.

[music playing]

- Come on, Oz, let's go. - Don't come in.

Don't come in.

- We don't want to come in.

We want you to come out.

- Yeah, let's not keep Marilyn Monroe waiting.

- I can't come out right now.

I got something in the soup.

- Soup?

- He means the developer.

- Oh. Well, come on.

We're waiting.

- I can't leave now, Harriet, this whole thing

will be ruined.

- Well, if we don't leave now we're

going to miss the picture.

- Well, you go ahead, and I'll finish up here

and I'll meet you down there later.

- Oh, are you sure?

- Yeah, uh, where are you going to be?

- At the Rivoli.

- OK, I'll see you down there later.

- Aw, Pop.

- Well, I'm sorry, Rick.

- Not as sorry as I am.

Now I have to pay for my own popcorn.

[music playing]

- Hi, Pop.

- Oh, hello, fellas.

- Boy, you sure missed a swell movie--

"Jet Jockey."

- Oh, airplane picture, huh?

- No, sir.

It's about this jockey.

He rides the horses so fast they nicknamed him "Jet."

Then he falls in love with this girl

who owns this moving van that they ride the horses in.

Then on his way back from China he runs for Congress and--

- Wait a minute.

What happened to the girl with the moving van?

- Oh, she was shot escaping from prison.

- He's got the two pictures and the coming attractions all

mixed up.

- Well, I wouldn't argue about it fellas.

I'm awful sorry I didn't get to go to the picture show

with you guys, but I was out in the darkroom

there making that enlargement of your mother.

Uh, where is your mother?

- She's driving the car around back.

- Oh.

Well, it's kind of late.

You boys better hit the hay now.

- OK, Pop. Good night.

- Good night.

- Good night, fellas.

- Well, if it isn't the famous photographer,

Vladimir Verichrome.

- Oh.

Did you enjoy the picture?

Ricky told me all about it the jockey

who was elected to Congress.

- If he told you all about it, how could

you possibly think I could enjoy it?

- Yeah, I- I- I--

- I kept looking for you.

- Oh, well I'm sorry, but you see,

I got started on this enlargement

of the picture I'm doing of you, and I just couldn't leave it.

- You mean it took you three hours

to fix up a picture of me?

- Well, I had a lot of work to do on it.

I mean, I was trying for a special effect.

I think I got it, too.

I used a soft bromide paper and a short exposure,

and I increased the developing time about 10%.

It has a wonderful, misty quality about it.

- You used to get the same effect

by keeping your thumb over the lens when you took the picture.

- Uh, Harriet, I'm sorry if I seem so engrossed

in this photography business, but it's so darn interesting.

- More interesting than going to the movies with me?

- W- Well, no, it- it isn't that.

When I-- look uh, I'm not doing anything now.

Why don't we do something together, right now?

- At this hour?

- Anything at all.

- How about reading me some poetry?

- You know I never read poetry to you.

- You said anything at all.

- Say, I have an idea.

Why don't we play a little gin rummy, just you and I?

Come on, we haven't played gin rummy in a long time.

- All right, the cards are over there in the table.

- Oh, OK.

Oh- Oh- Oh, no.

[music playing]

Oh, there's a score pad and everything here.

Just push that stuff right out of the way.

- Remember how to play?

- I think so.

Uh, 10 cards each, right?

- 11 to me.

[music playing]

Thank you.

- It's nice and peaceful.

Two of us just sitting here playing cards.

- Certainly is.

- You're first.

[alarm bells]

Harriet, I forgot.

I've got something in the tank.

I'll be back in about a half hour.

Just hold everything just the way it is.

- Don't wake me when you come back.

[music playing]

- Harriet?

- Yes, dear?

- Somebody tore a big chunk out of the sports section here.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Aunt Martha's column was on the back of it.

- You mean to say you're still reading that?

- Oh, more than ever, There's a very interesting letter

in there this morning from this woman whose husband works late

at night, and she has to go to the movies by herself.

And she met this real nice man at the movies,

and she wants to know if it'll be all right to see him,

since she never sees her husband anyway.

- Well, of course she shouldn't.

- Well, why shouldn't she?

I mean, after all, she has to sit next to somebody.

- Harriet, you know darn well there

was no such thing in the paper.

You're just making that up.

- What are you getting so upset for?

Did I strike an exposed nerve somewhere?

- I- I, Harriet, you know darn well I didn't miss going

to the movies with you last night intentionally.

And the next time we plan to go to the movies, I'll be--

I'll be there.

- I wonder if Aunt Martha would advise

me to accept your apology?

- Aunt Martha, that's the silliest thing

I ever heard of in my life, and you know it, too.

- I don't know, dear.

There are an awful lot of women writing in into her for advice

about their husbands.

- Well, I still say the only sensible thing

for two intelligent people to do if they

have any difference of opinion, is to sit down

and talk it over, over a cup of coffee.

- Good.

Let's discuss it.

- OK, fine.

Now-- [alarm bells]

--I realize--

- Well, you're in the soup again.

[music playing]

- Oh, hi, Dave.

- Would you do a favor for me?

Mom asked me to go down and get some stamps

and mail these letters for her, but I have

to go meet Will Thornberry.

- Oh, I'll take care of it for you.

- Thanks.

A couple of air mails and a 3 cent one for the big one.

[bell rings]

- What's this?

"Aunt Martha, care of the Friend of the Family column."

- Wonder what Mom's writing to her for?

- Well, I don't know.

So hard to tell now that she's using these thick envelopes.

- You don't she wants any advice, do you?

- Well, no, why should she?

- I don't know.

You're the photographer in the family, Pop.

Thanks a lot.

See you later.

[music playing]

- What's going on outside, Pop?

- Oh, uh, nothing special, Dave.

- Looking for the paper boy again, Pop?

- Oh, what makes you say that?

- Every day for the past week around this time,

you'd stand by the window and watch for the paper boy.

Then when he comes you dash out to get it.

- Oh, [chuckles]

- You guys been watching me, huh?

- Yeah, yesterday you caught it before it hit the ground.

- I'm just lucky, I guess.

- What are you looking for in the paper, anyway, Pop?

- Well, I just want to make sure I get the news first.

- You worried about Little Orphan Annie?

- No, no, no, of course not.

- You don't have to be you know.

She's indescribable.

- Indestructible.

- Yeah, they'll never knock her off, boy.

- Has your mother mentioned anything about my standing

out here every day waiting for the paper boy?

- No, she's usually in the kitchen about this time.

- Oh, that's good.

- Hey, here comes the paper boy.

- Oh, uh- uh, I'll just stroll out to meet him.

- Pop's quite a stroller.

- Yeah, I wonder if he was ever on the track team?

[music playing]

- Something interesting, Oz?

- Listen to this, Thorny.

"Dear Aunt Martha.

My husband--"

- Oz, Aunt Martha?

Don't tell me you actually read that silly column.

- This is terrible, Thorny.

Airing family problems for the whole town to read.

- Who?

- Well, if you'll just listen.

- All right.

All right.

- "Dear Aunt Martha.

My husband and I--" - Oz, you've already read that.

Read the rest of it.

- Well, I'm trying to. - Wait a minute.

You're too nervous.

Let me read it.

Where is it?

- Yeah, right there.

- "Dear Aunt Martha.

My husband and I have been happily married

for a number of years.

But now something has come between us, his hobby."

What's his hobby, blondes?

- No, uh-- photography.

- How do you know?

- Read on.

- "Might have been my fault, because I

encouraged him to take it up."

- Practically my exact words.

- Stop mumbling.

"But now he ignores me, neglects his children,

and shows no interest in family problems.

Aunt Martha, before this gets more serious, what can I do?

Signed, H."

- It even sounds like H.

- It certainly does.

Who is H?

- Well, Harriet, of course.

- You mean Harriet wrote this?

- Well, yes.

I mailed the letter for her.

Go ahead, read Aunt Martha's answer.

- "When a husband shows more interest in his hobby

than he does his wife and family,

it calls for drastic action.

Bide your time.

And if he doesn't change his ways, do something about it."

- Do you realize what that means, Thorny?

She's practically advising Harriet to go see a lawyer.

- Well, it's very obvious to me.

The first thing you've got to do is to give up the hobby.

- Yeah, you're right.

I just won't fool around with it anymore.

- Well, it's not only that, Oz, but you've

got to start paying a little more attention to Harriet.

Tell her how nice she looks, take the family out

a little more.

Buy her a few little gifts.

Perfume, flowers.

- Yeah you're absolutely right.

I have been neglecting her.

I'll pay her compliments.

I'll buy her perfume.

I'll take them out to the movies, dancing.

You think that'll work?

- Oh, of course, Oz, of course.

Believe me, if anybody could worm his way back

into the affections of his family,

you're the worm who can do it.

[music playing]

- Harriet?

- I'm in the closet.

- Oh.

- I've just been cleaning it up

- Oh, Harriet, even with a smudge--

[grunts]

Even with a smudge on your nose, you're

still the most beautiful girl in the world.

- My bag's on the hall table but leave me a dollar.

- Honey, will you, please?

Sometimes when you've been married

to somebody as attractive as you for such a long time,

you sort of forget what an attractive girl

you've been married for such a long time to.

- What brought that on?

- Well, I- I've just been doing a little thinking.

- Say, have you seen the evening paper?

- Oh, yes.

Have you?

- No, where is it?

- Oh, well, I left it over with Thorny.

- Oh, I wanted to read Aunt Martha's column.

- Oh, there's nothing in it of, uh, special interest.

It's very drab.

Well, Harriet, what I wanted to tell you,

I had to go down to the drugstore to buy a few things.

So while I was down there, I bought a little surprise

for you.

Sit down, dear. Don't go away.

Just stay right there.

Here you are.

What could be more appropriate?

- A bottle of air wick?

- No, I'm sorry, dear.

I gave you the wrong package.

- Oh,

[chuckles]

Oh, perfume.

But it isn't our anniversary or anything.

- Well, no.

But I just thought I'd buy you a little gift.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

- Oh, I'm glad you like it.

- Uh, what are we having for dinner?

- Well, I haven't thought about it yet,

but I'll rustle up something.

I'll send the boys out to the dark room to get you.

- No, I was going to suggest that you and the boys

and I go out for dinner tonight.

- Well, that'd be wonderful, but I

thought you wanted to work in the darkroom?

- No, no, I- I thought it might be a lot of fun if we just

spent an evening together for a change.

- I'm amazed.

- Well, what's so amazing about a man wanting to spend

an evening with his family?

Come on, get your good clothes on.

I'll call the boys.

Dave, Rick!

[music playing]

You know, this is nice.

We haven't been dancing together for a long while.

- Yes, it's fun.

- Oh- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Well, that's all right.

I think we'd better get back to the table.

- Just because I stepped on your foot once?

- Oh, no, no, it's just I think David's getting

tired of dancing with Ricky.

- Oh.

[music playing]

- I can't take many more of these movies.

- What's the matter with you?

- My eyes are beginning to turn at the corners

from watching these wide screens.

[music playing]

- Oh, here's a picture of you when

you were a little baby, Rick.

- He weighed more then than he does now.

- Make fun of me--

Look at that picture of you, little Lord Fauntleroy

with a Buster Brown collar and the long curls.

- That's your father.

- [chuckles]

[circus music]

- Well, come on, get your coat on.

The boys ready yet?

- Oh, they're upstairs doing their homework.

- Oh, I have a wonderful evening planned for us tonight.

- Oh, look, dear, we've done something every night

this week.

The boys have got to catch up on their homework,

and I've got a lot of mending.

Don't you have anything you can do?

- Well, nothing more important than spending the evening

with you and the boys.

- I know, dear, and we appreciate that.

- Well, Harriet--

- Look, why don't you go out and work in your dark room.

- No, no, no, no, not there.

- Well, why not?

You got all that equipment.

- Well, I just don't want to go out there.

That's all.

- Well, two weeks ago, I couldn't drag you out of there.

- Well, that was two weeks ago.

- Oh, Ozzie, please, come on.

- No, it's-- hey, hey, hey!

Harriet, if you're so anxious to get me out in the dark room,

why did you send a letter to Aunt Martha?

- Oh, did you see it?

- Well, yes, I saw it.

I don't mind telling you I was pretty hurt.

- Why?

- Well, complaining about my hobby,

my neglecting you and the boys.

- What's this?

- Well, I- I don't think it was very funny, Harriet.

And then when I gave up the hobby,

you treat it as a big joke.

- Well, it is.

- Well, I don't think it is.

I think Aunt Martha's right.

A man should spend more time with his family.

He shouldn't neglect them.

He should be more considerate of them.

- Well, Ozzie, I didn't write and complain about your hobby.

- Well, you did so.

I have the column right here.

I've been carrying it around in my pocket for days.

I have the thing practically memorized.

- Well, I didn't write this.

- You didn't? - No.

No, here's the letter I wrote.

It was in Tuesday's paper.

I guess you didn't see it.

- Well, I- I was too busy planning activities, I guess.

- Well, here, read it.

- "Dear Aunt Martha.

It seems to me if more wives spent less time complaining

about their husbands and more time trying to understand them,

there'd be less complaints and more happy marriages.

Oh, my husband and I both realize

that we're human beings.

And we each have our faults.

And especially now that we're not getting any younger,

uh- uhm, we try to forgive them and make allowances for them.

As a consequence, our marriage has been a very happy one.

Signed, Harriet."

Oh, that's beautiful, Harriet.

- Read Aunt Martha's answer.

- "Dear Harriet.

Bravo.

I'd like to break up your home and marry this man.

I don't get along as well with my husband."

Oh, Harriet, that's--

I don't know what to say.

That- that's a very nice letter.

And it's true, too.

- Yes, it certainly is.

- I always try to understand all of your little faults.

- My faults?

Well, look, dear, you have just as many as I have.

At least I don't spend all my time out in the dark room.

- Well, no, that- that's not fair, Harriet.

I haven't been out in the dark room for two weeks.

- Now, wait just a minute.

You always say let's not discuss things when we're angry.

Now, let's just simmer down and discuss it later.

- OK.

Stand here and simmer then.

[music playing]

- Are you busy?

- Oh, not too busy.

You all calmed down?

- Oh- Oh, yes, you simmered down?

- Yep.

- Oh, fine.

- Would you care to discuss things?

- Uh, yeah, that's why I came in, Harriet.

Go ahead, you make your suggestions first, dear.

- Oh, all right.

Well, you know, I think the secret of people getting along

compatibly--

[alarm bells]

- Oh, I've got something in the soup.

I'll be right back, dear.

Just hold everything.

[music playing]

- Dear, did you see this letter in Aunt Martha's column today?

- No, I didn't.

- Listen to this.

"Dear Aunt Martha, What should I do?

My husband spends all his time at his photography hobby.

I never see him any more."

If the initials on this weren't KT, you'd think it was from me.

- KT?

That must be Katherine Thornberry.

- What makes you think so?

[alarm bells]

- Well, Thorny's been using my darkroom.

[music playing]

- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by Hotpoint quality appliances.

Remember, Hotpoint changes your viewpoint automatically.

[music playing]

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.

- America's future depends on its citizens of today.

More than half a million Americans

are victims of cerebral palsy.

So let's all unite in this battle

against a cruel and crippling enemy.

Give to United Cerebral Palsy.

Our help is needed right now.