Original subtitles

- Well, it's about time.

I thought you were never coming to bed.

- Oh, I guess I sort of lost track of the time.

I got brushing my teeth with that Listerine Antizyme Tooth

Paste, and I got kind of carried away, I guess.

[chuckles] - Turn off the light.

Let's go to sleep.

- You know, Ricky really is right about that.

That sure is good toothpaste, boy.

It foams up nice in your mouth.

- OK, OK. Turn off the light.

Come on. - And it tastes good.

It's darn good toothpaste.

[theme music]

- Listerine, the most widely used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first all-day anti-enzyme toothpaste present

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Aren't you fellas going outside?

- Oh, I can't go out.

My English teacher gave me a lot of extra homework to do.

- How come?

- Just because I didn't hand in my notebook yesterday.

- Well, why didn't you hand it in?

Wasn't it finished?

- Sure, but I lost it.

- Oh, well, that's a shame.

- It's a big gyp, that's what it is.

- What's a big gyp?

- Oh, Ricky lost his notebook yesterday,

and his teacher gave him a lot of extra homework.

- Well, did you explain to the teacher that you lost it?

- Yes, sir.

I told her exactly what happened,

but I guess she didn't believe me.

- Well, that's funny she wouldn't believe you.

Uh, what did happen exactly?

- Well, I was walking to school yesterday,

and my shoelace came untied, so I put my notebook

on a truck parked next to the drugstore while I tied my shoe.

- Now, wait a minute.

And the truck drove away with your notebook?

- Heck, if you saw it, why didn't you stop him?

- I didn't see anything of the kind.

- Well, you mean that's what happened, Rick?

- Yes, sir.

- And that's what you told the teacher?

- Yes, sir. That's what happened.

- Well, I don't blame her for giving ya all that extra work.

- Well, uh, are you sure you just didn't dream this

and your notebook is still up in your room?

- Oh, no, sir.

- Personally, I agree with Pop.

Sounds like you dreamed this whole thing up.

- I did not.

- Well, it's not that we doubt your word, Rick,

but sometimes it's easier to tell the truth

and take the punishment.

- That's what I did.

I told my teacher the truth, and now I'm taking the punishment.

- Yes, son, but I mean sometimes the punishment isn't so severe

when you tell the real truth.

That is, I don't mean to imply that you're

not, uh, telling the--

uh, uh, Harriet, do you have any suggestions?

- Well, I suggest you get started on some of that work

before the whole day is gone.

- Well, come on, little man.

I'll give you a hand.

- Hey, you mean you'll help me do my homework?

- No, but I'll sharpen a pencil for you.

- Well, you look ambitious.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, it's kind of a chilly afternoon.

I thought I might as well build a fire.

- That's a good idea.

- You know, Harriet, I've been thinking

a little more about that story that Ricky told his teacher,

and I can't say that I blame her for not quite believing him.

It is pretty fantastic, you know.

- Well, it could have happened, because I will admit

it did sound a little forced.

- Yeah.

Still, all in all, you can't come right out

and tell him that you don't believe him.

- You tried.

- Well, I was in kind of a spot.

I mean, after all, I did want to impress him with the fact

that it's always better to tell the truth

and face the consequences.

- No question about it.

Say, before you pull a Rip Van Winkle on me,

I've got something to tell you.

Do you recall the last PTA meeting?

- Well, yes, I believe so.

What about it?

- Then you probably remember sounding off

about not enough of the parents taking an active part

in the entertainment?

- Well, yes, but all that's been taken care of.

Don't you remember Thorny and I agreed

to be co-chairman of the entertainment committee?

We're going to put on some pretty riotous stuff.

Well, of course, we're not going to hog the spotlight.

I mean, we'll give the other talent a chance, too.

- I think you might have to give one of them

a chance this afternoon.

- Oh?

- Do you know Mrs. Howard?

- Well, yes, I believe so.

Why?

- Well, she found a little while ago.

She wants to come over and discuss the readings she'd like

to give at the next meeting.

- Readings?

- Mhm.

She specializes in reading poetry.

She has a rather large repertoire

I'm told, several hundred poems.

- Oh, for goodness sakes, Harriet.

Couldn't you talk her out of it?

- No, not very successfully.

She said she'd be over in about an hour.

- Holy smokes.

Whoever heard of reading poetry at a PTA meeting anyway?

Isn't it bad enough we have to listen

to the secretary and treasurer's report?

- Nevertheless, she's coming over to see you.

You'll be here, won't you?

- Oh, oh, yes.

I'll be here.

I think I'll go over and get Thorny, though.

As long as he's co-chairman, I think

he ought to suffer through this stuff with me.

- Hi, Oz. Follow me.

I want to show you something.

You won't believe your eyes. - Wait a minute.

I've got something to tell you, and you

won't believe your ears.

You recall, don't you, that you and I

were elected the co-chairmen of the entertainment committee

over at the PTA?

- Are you kidding?

Who do you think stuffed the ballot box?

- No, no, no.

Listen for a minute.

Uh, do you recall having met a Mrs. Howard over there?

She recites poetry.

She's a woman with a tremendous repertoire.

- Well, you're not exactly skinny yourself.

- No, no, listen to me, will you?

It seems she's coming over to our house in about an hour.

She's going to audition maybe 150 or so of her poems,

and I thought it'd be nice if you, as co-chairman, came over

and we sat down in the living room and enjoyed them together.

- Well, give her my regards.

- No, no, just a second, Thorny.

You and I are in this together.

- Well, isn't there some way we can get out of it together?

- When you accept the chairman--

What the heck are you doing with this?

- Well, this is what I wanted to show you.

Now, this ladder looks pretty heavy, doesn't it, Oz?

- Yeah. - Well, just lift it once.

- Well, how about--

It's as light as a feather.

- It's made out of some new kind of metal.

It reaches right up to the roof, and you can move it around

like a toy. - How about that.

Have you tried it out yet?

- Well, not yet, but I think my boy

Will lost a ball on your roof.

- Oh, now wait a minute, Thorny.

That's an awful high roof.

I mean, if you're figuring on us exploring around there,

I don't think that'd be very smart.

I mean, it's pretty windy today, you know,

and up high like that, a guy would

have to be pretty childish--

Now, not a child.

I mean, you have to be pretty brave to climb up

on a ladder on a day like this.

- Well, what are we waiting for?

[laughter]

[music playing]

Holy smokes, Oz.

I never realized your roof was so high.

Can you make it?

- Yeah.

It is kind of scary up here.

[wind blowing]

Looks a lot higher from up here than it is from down there.

- I think I'll climb over here by the chimney and look around.

- Careful. It's pretty slippery.

I got it.

I have rubber sole shoes on.

[grunts]

Boy, that fire is really burning down there.

- Yeah.

- It's a beautiful view from up here.

- Sure is.

- I think I'll do a little exploring.

- Hey, wait for me.

- Take it easy.

Oh, boy.

Hey, that's a beautiful view from here.

- Yeah.

- You can see the bank building over there.

- Sure a good thing I brought along my binoculars.

- Let me take a look.

Thanks.

You've been looking through the wrong end.

You know, I think there's a storm coming up.

Look at the clouds over there.

- Yeah.

This jacket isn't very warm either.

- Where do you think the ball is?

- The ball? What ball?

- Well, why do you think we came up?

- Oh, you mean Will's ball.

Well, I didn't expect to find it up here, Oz.

Come to think of it, he threw it up here some time last winter.

I think it was a snowball.

- Oh.

- Well, I had to try the ladder out some way.

Hey, we'd better get down from here before we freeze to death.

- Yeah.

Take it easy.

[wind blowing]

Hey!

Where's the ladder?

- The ladder?

Well, you were the last one up.

- Well, I-- I left it right over there.

- Uh oh.

- Oh, for goodness sakes!

How are we going to get down?

- Well, we can jump from here.

- Are you kidding?

It's about 30 feet.

You'll break every bone in your head.

- Don't get so excited.

Actually, I think it's pretty funny.

Here we are, two grown men, climb a roof,

the wind blows the ladder down.

[laughs]

- [laughs] Come to think of it, it is kind of funny.

Here we are up here, yelling "help" hysterically.

Nobody can hear us.

[laughter]

- Storm coming up, wind, probably the rain.

- Here we are, yelling our fool heads off.

- The wind's so loud, no one could hear us.

[laughter]

[wind blowing]

- Well, what are we waiting for?

- Let it go, Oz.

- Help!

Help!

Help!

- Help!

[applause]

- Well, nobody answers at the Thornberry's.

- I wonder where Pop could be.

- He's been gone for over an hour.

Mrs. Howard will be here any minute.

- Gee, how come she's coming over here?

- Oh, she's going to read some poetry.

- Oh.

No wonder Pop and Mr. Thornberry are hiding.

- Oh, Ricky, don't be ridiculous.

- Nobody said your father was hiding, Ricky.

[glass tapping]

What was that?

- What was what?

- I thought I heard a noise on the roof.

- Probably just the wind.

Hey, it looks like there's a storm coming up outside.

- Well, if your father doesn't get home pretty soon,

there'll be a storm coming up on the inside, too.

I wonder if he and Thorny are hiding.

- This is a fine mess you've got us into,

you and your featherweight ladder

and your featherweight brain!

- Oh, now just a minute, Oz.

Now, let's think about this situation.

Must be someway we can get out of it.

- Well, the wind blew the ladder down.

Maybe it'll blow it back up again.

- Oh.

Well, thank you.

- Pop wasn't at the drugstore, huh?

- No.

I called the bowling alley, and they weren't there either.

[doorbell rings]

- Oh, that's probably Mrs. Howard now.

Shall I get it? - No, I'll get it, dear.

- Hello, Mrs. Nelson.

- Hello, Mrs. Howard.

Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

My, but it's nice and cozy in here.

It's rather nippy today.

- Well, come on over by the fire.

Oh, these are our two boys.

This is David and this is Ricky.

This is Mrs. Howard, boys. - How do you do?

- Hello, Mrs. Howard. - Hello, boys.

Uh, where's Mr. Nelson?

- I wish I knew.

This is terribly embarrassing.

He went over to get Mr. Thornberry about an hour ago,

and they haven't gotten back yet.

- Well, does Mr. Thornberry live very far from here?

- No, just next door.

That's what's so strange about it.

I'm terribly sorry.

- Well, please don't feel concerned on my account.

I could always come back another day.

- Oh, no, I wouldn't think of it.

I'm sure he'll be home in a few more minutes.

- I am rather anxious to talk with him about having one PTA

meeting dedicated to poetry.

I really feel that the inspired voices of the past

have a great meaning to those of us who live in the present.

- Oh, I think it's a wonderful idea.

I've heard quite a bit about your readings.

- Well, thank you very much.

It is more or less a hobby of mine.

Uh, would you like to hear a poem or two

while we are waiting for Mr. Nelson?

- Oh, well, yes, that'd be very nice,

if we wouldn't be imposing upon you.

- Oh, of course not.

I love an audience, even though it's a captive one.

Now, I suppose you sit over there in the box seat,

and I'll stand, um, here.

Oh, you poor boys.

Knowing boys as I do, I'm sure you'd rather

be outside kicking a baseball around.

- Oh, no, not at all.

- Well, it's very nice of you to say so.

I have a poem here that I think you boys might enjoy.

It's called "Columbus" by Joaquin Miller.

"Behind him lay the gray Azores behind the gates of Hercules.

Before him, not the ghost of shores.

Before him, only--"

- Hey, now wait a minute.

I got another idea, a better one.

If you could take a running jump and catch the limb of that elm

tree and shimmy on down, then you

can put the ladder up for me.

Good idea?

- That's brilliant except for one thing.

Suppose I miss the limb of the tree!

- Well, the grass is pretty soft down there.

Besides, I'm sure the ambulance driver will put the ladder up

for me.

[laughter]

- However, I'll be very happy to let you try it.

In fact, I'll even give you a little push.

- No thanks.

Let's think of something else.

- Well, let's think of it in a hurry because I'm getting cold.

- You should have worn a jacket like I did.

- Well, I would have if I had known

I was going to be marooned on my roof all night long!

Gosh!

I'm getting hungry, too.

- Oh, there must be some way for us to get down.

- Certainly.

We're intelligent men.

- That's right.

- You ought to be able to think of something.

- We both have quick minds.

Now, let's concentrate on just how we can get off this roof.

- How can we get down off the roof?

That's our problem.

- Right.

- Help!

Help!

[music playing]

[wind blowing]

- Oz!

Oz, speak to me!

- Why should I?

- Oh, don't be a sore head.

- Sore head?

You got me into this mess!

I'm cold and I'm hungry.

And if pneumonia doesn't kill me, Harriet will.

- Well, at least we didn't have to listen

to Mrs. Howard read poetry.

- Believe me, I'd much rather be in the house than up here.

Hey, wait a minute.

I got a wonderful idea.

Here, take off your jacket and give it to me.

- You just think of another idea.

I'm going to keep my jacket.

- No, give it to me, will you, please?

This is a wonderful idea.

I read about it in a story once. Now, come on.

Do you want to stay up here all night?

- No.

- Well, then give me your jacket.

Here, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to put it right over the top of the chimney.

- Wait a minute, Oz!

No matter how you cook it, you're

not going to eat my jacket!

- Who's talking about eating the jacket.

I put it over the chimney, the smoke

goes right back into the living room.

Harriet sees all the smoke, comes

outside to find out what's the matter, puts the ladder up,

and we're saved.

- Well, it's worth trying, Oz.

- "And then to the rhyme of the poet,

the beauty of their voice.

And the night should be filled with music.

And the cares that infest the day

shall fold their tents like the Arabs

and then silently steal away."

- Oh, that was lovely, Mrs. Howard.

Very well done.

- Well, you were a wonderful audience.

[coughing]

- The logs in the fireplace must be damp.

- Yes, it is rather smoky in here.

I guess I must be running along.

I'm afraid I've out-stayed my little visit.

- Oh, no, not at all.

I'm terribly sorry that Mr. Nelson wasn't home,

and I know he's going to be sorry.

- Please don't think that you have to apologize, Mrs. Nelson.

I know how men are.

My husband is one.

Bye, boys.

Nice to have met you. - Bye.

- Bye, Mrs. Nelson.

- Goodbye, Mrs. Howard.

- Boy, this fireplace is really smoking.

Do you think the flue is clogged up?

- I'll go out and see.

- Oh, no, wait a minute.

Ricky, here.

Put your coat on.

It's cold out there.

Oh, and if you see your father outside, tell him

he'd better stay outside.

[wind blowing]

- I haven't seen anyone come out of the house yet.

- Wait a minute.

I think I see somebody.

Hey, Ricky!

Ricky!

Hey, Ricky!

- Oh, hiya, Pop!

Hiya, Mr. Thornberry!

Hey, what are you doing up on the roof?

- I'll tell you about it later, if you get us down off it.

You see that ladder on the ground?

- Yeah!

- Put it up against the house.

Take it easy, Thorny.

- Boy, Mom's been looking all over for you, Pop.

- Well, all she had to do was look up on the roof,

and there I was.

- I'll see you later, Oz.

- Hey, hey, wait a minute!

Thorny, don't go home.

I want you to come in the house with me

and help explain this to Harriet.

- Well, there's nothing to explain.

Just tell her the truth.

- Uh, well, do you think she'll believe me?

- No, that's why I'll see you later.

- Hey!

Hey, come back here, you coward!

Doggone it.

Uh, what kind of a mood is your mother in?

- If I were you, I'd climb back up on the roof.

- That's what I was afraid of.

Did Mrs. Howard show up?

- Yes, sir.

She read us some poems.

They were pretty good, too.

- Oh.

Well, gee, I'm sorry I wasn't home.

That is, I was in the house, not exactly in the house,

but I was up on top of the house.

Well, I might as well go in and face the music.

Where is your mother?

- She's in the living room.

- Ozzie.

- Oh!

I'm safe, dear.

You can stop worrying.

Where do you think we were?

Thorny and I were up on the roof.

- You've been gone for three hours.

- Yes, I know.

You see, Thorny got this brand new featherweight ladder,

and his son Will lost a baseball up on our roof.

So we thought it might be a good idea if we, uh,

went up on the roof to, uh--

to look-- uh, scout's honor, Harriet.

I'm telling the truth.

- You mean to tell me that you two were up on the roof

all this time?

- Yes, that's right.

- You knew Mrs. Howard was coming.

- Well, I know, but we couldn't get down.

- Well, you got up.

- Well, that's a completely different thing.

See, the wind blew the ladder down.

- Ozzie, where have you been?

- I told you, Harriet.

We've been up on the roof.

- Are you sure you weren't hiding out in the garage?

- No, no!

Honestly, we were hiding up in--

we weren't hiding any place.

Here.

Ricky can-- Ricky?

Ricky came up to get--

not exactly came up, but he held the ladder, and we--

see, I thought of an old trick that I had read about in a book

someplace where I took Thorny's jacket and I put it over

the top of the chimney, and it blew the-- didn't the smoke all

come out and--

wait a minute.

Thorny's jacket is still over the chimney.

I'll go up and get the jacket.

That'll prove-- you stay right where you are.

Don't move.

David, will you come up and hold the ladder?

[wind blowing]

- Boy, it sure is windy up here.

- David!

What are you doing up here?

- Well, you told me you wanted me to help you.

- Well, yes, but I want you to hold the ladder.

Hold the ladder, son, so it--

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

- Mr. Nelson? - Yes?

- I'm a driver for the Wayne Trucking Company.

Do you have a son named Ricky?

- Oh, yes, we do.

- Well, I found this notebook on the running board of my truck.

It has his name and address on it.

- Oh, I'll be darned.

- I would have brought it over sooner--

I'm sorry-- but I hope he didn't get in any trouble at school.

- No, no, not at all.

You know, it's a strange thing.

Ricky told us exactly what happened, but--

well, I'm kind of ashamed to admit this--

we sort of didn't believe him.

- Well, I certainly hope you didn't let him know that.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, we did not.

- It could have a very bad psychological effect on him,

could even leave him with a neurosis

or an emotional disturbance that could stay

with him the rest of his life.

- Oh, yes, yes, I understand that.

- Children need to feel that they have their parents

trust and confidence.

That's what gives a boy a sense of security.

- Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Well, gee, thanks a lot.

This is awfully nice of you to bring over, Mr. uh--

- Freud, Buster Freud.

[ending theme]

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- Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, look to Hotpoint for the finest first.

The part of Mrs. Howard was played by Florence Bates.

The truck driver was Herb Vigran.

This is Verne Smith speaking.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.