Original subtitles

[theme music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

- Hi.

On a couple of occasions recently,

we've shown some flashback scenes from years

ago when the boys were real small.

And as a result, we received literally thousands

of letters requesting us to repeat

one of our early episodes in its entirety.

So tonight we turn back the clock about 10 years.

Dave was just entering high school,

and Ricky's favorite expression was,

"I don't mess around, boy."

We hope you enjoy reminiscing with us

as we present "The Party."

- Here's the stuff from the bakery, Mom.

- Oh, Thank you, fellas. Did you have any trouble?

- No, ma'am.

- That darned Will Thornberry.

- Quiet, Ricky.

- What the heck?

It makes a guy sore. - Mom?

- Mmm-hmm?

- Have you seen that old tub we used to slide down the hill in?

- No, dear.

I don't believe so.

- That darned Will Thornberry.

- What seems to be the trouble?

- Will Thornberry.

- It's just something personal, Mom.

We're trying to find the tub.

- That gosh-darned Will Thornberry.

- What on earth is the matter with Will?

And what do you want with that old washtub?

- We want it for something special.

- Yeah, we're going to fill it with water

and make a booby trap.

- A booby trap?

What for?

- For that gosh-darned Will Thornberry.

- What seems to be the trouble, fellas?

- We were just looking for that old wash tub, Pop.

- They're going to play some sort

of a trick on Will Thornberry.

- What kind of a trick?

- We're going to soak him with water.

- Well, I thought Will was one of your best friends.

- Yeah, so did we.

- Some people sure do change, boy.

- What's the matter, you guys mad at Will?

- Yes, ma'am, kind of.

- What do you mean, kind of?

- I'm fightin' mad, boy.

- Hold off a second.

Now, what seems to be the big difficulty between you

and Will all of a sudden?

- Will's having a birthday party tomorrow,

and he didn't invite us.

- Oh, so, that's it.

- Yeah, fine friend he turned out to be.

- Well, I think you've got this all wrong.

I'm sure Will's birthday isn't until next Tuesday.

- That cake's going to get awful stale by Tuesday.

- Cake?

- Yeah, we saw it down at Humphrey's bakery.

- Yeah, Mr. Humphrey said it was for the Thornberrys.

- Well, maybe it wasn't for Will's birthday.

- Well, sure, it was, Mom.

It had candles on it.

We saw it. - Well, now, look.

Wait a minute.

Suppose Will is having a birthday party.

Nobody can say he has to invite you guys.

- Try me, Mom.

I can say it.

- Wait a minute.

Let's get the facts straight here.

Will didn't tell you he was having a birthday party,

did he? - He didn't have to, Pop.

We saw the cake.

- Well, before you declare war on him,

don't you think you ought to find out for sure?

There could be a mistake, you know.

- There sure was a mistake.

And Will made it, boy.

- I think you guys are acting pretty

childish about this whole darn thing.

Will isn't obligated to invite you to his party, you know.

Does he have to ask you over every time he

celebrates a special occasion?

- No, sir.

- Just every time he celebrates with ice cream and cake.

- Well, I still don't see what you're

going to prove by playing some silly trick on him.

- Well, it's not exactly a trick on him.

We're just going to tie a big bucket of water on the tree

out back.

- Yeah, and then we're going to tie the rope to the post

and "camera-flouge" it.

- And he will only get wet if he happens

to come on our property.

- Yeah, like if I happen to call him over.

- Well, you better forget all about it.

I'm surprised at you guys.

You can't go through the rest of your lives being mad at people

just because they don't arrange things to suit you.

After all, if Will didn't invite you to his party,

he probably has a very good reason.

- Besides, it could be a misunderstanding

all the way around, you know.

- Instead of being mean to him, be

kind to your little neighbor.

Call him over to play with you.

That's the way to do things.

- Oh, don't worry, Pop.

We'll call him over, all right.

- Sure, in a little while.

Oh, Will?

- What are you doing, Dopey?

- Just rehearsing my part.

- Look, that's enough of that nonsense.

Now let's cut it out.

- Would you just tell us where the bucket is, Pop?

- Well, the bucket is out in the garage.

But wait a minute now, fellas.

It's not for getting people wet.

- I think you're wrong, Pop.

Haven't you heard the old song, [SINGING]

"The Old Southern Bucket"?

[music playing]

- Hey, where you been?

- I've been trying to find these boards.

- For two hours?

Gol, a lot of help you are.

- OK, OK.

Let's get started.

- Get started-- are you kidding?

Look, I already finished it.

- Oh, boy.

Hey, that's terrific.

How does it work?

- Well, see these strings here?

We're going to attach them to a clothesline.

And the clothesline will run across here

and attach to the garage.

And somebody will come walking by and trip on it.

- Say, Will Thornberry, for instance?

- See, here you pull strings.

And watch what happens.

- Oh, boy!

- Now all we need is some water, and we're all set.

- Yeah, that's terrific.

I can hardly wait.

Oh, Will?

- Pipe down, would you, Ricky?

We're not ready for him yet.

- Yeah, but I can hardly wait.

- Well, control yourself and get some water in the pail

over there by the garage.

[music playing]

- Yeah, there's just one thing, though.

What are all those bells doing up there?

- Well, that's just for good sportsmanship.

Give a guy fair warning.

Now get the water, will you?

- What are you doing with that pail?

- Pale?

Do I look pale?

- You know what I'm talking about--

that pail you're holding behind your back.

- Yeah, what do you know-- a pail.

I thought I told you boys to forget about that booby trap

business.

Where's David? - David?

What David?

- And how many Davids do you know?

- Well, there's David Copperfield, David

and Goliath--

- All right.

I'm talking about David Nelson booby trappers.

- What's going on here?

- Well, I think the boys are fixing up that booby trap.

- Well, now, Rick, I told you guys not

to play that trick on Will.

Where's David?

- Well, he took it on the lam--

I mean limb.

- Come on, now.

Let's stop this nonsense.

Where is David?

- I'm up here, Pop.

- Oh, for goodness sake's, what are you

trying to do, break your neck? Get down out of there.

- What are you doing up there anyway, Dave?

- Hello, everybody. - Oh, hi.

- Oh, hi, Marion.

- Isn't this a nice, friendly group?

- Well, actually, we have one missing link.

He'll be swinging down any minute now.

- Hello, Mrs. Henderson.

- Take it easy now, Dave.

- Well, for goodness sake.

- Hi.

- Hello.

What were you doing up there?

- I'm almost ashamed to tell you, Marion.

They were rigging up-- [interposing voices]

- Pick up that-- - --some sort of a trick for--

- --and take it back to the garage.

- --for Will Thornberry. - --will you?

- Oh, well, boys will be boys.

- Help him, Rick.

- I thought Will was your best friend, David.

- So did I. That gosh-darned Will Thornberry.

- It seems that Will Thornberry is having a birthday party

and he didn't invite the boys.

- They aren't even sure it is a birthday party.

- We saw the cake, Mom.

- I hope he swallows a candle.

- All right, now.

You pick up the boards and this pail

and you take them into the garage.

And then, you go over and talk to Will about it.

- Gosh-darned darned Will Thornberry.

- The boys seem to think they ought

to be invited to everything that goes on in this neighborhood.

- I don't know why they're making such a big fuss

about it.

- Well, you know, boys will be boys.

- Sometimes children are much more

sensitive about those things than grown ups are.

- I think you're right.

- Although my little girl, Edith wasn't invited to the party.

And she hasn't said a word.

- Oh, well, I think the reason our boys are so upset is

because they're such good friends of Will's.

- Well, Edith is in the same class as Will.

And she invited him to her birthday party.

Very funny that she wasn't invited to his.

- Oh, well, there's probably some good reason for it.

- Well, I don't know what it would be.

Why wouldn't he invite her?

- Well, maybe it's just going to be a small family party.

- A family party for a little boy?

Why, I've never heard of such a thing.

Well, Edith had least 20 children at her birthday party.

- Well, are you sure Will was there?

- Why, sure.

He ate four dishes of ice cream and three pieces of cake.

- Well, it could be that Will forgot to invite Edith.

- Well, that's a fine thing to come to Edith's birthday party

and not invite her to his.

- Yeah, well, I--

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

- There must be some explanation.

- That gosh-darned Will Thornberry.

[door closes]

- Is that you, boys?

Lunch is just about ready. - Yeah.

Hi, Mom. Guess what?

- You saw Will Thornberry.

- Yeah, and he invited us to his party.

- Well, Isn't that nice?

I thought there was some mistake.

- It's not until next Tuesday.

- Now, aren't you glad you didn't declare war on him

until you found out what the real story was?

- Yeah, I sure am.

- I'm just glad we didn't set that booby trap.

- Oh, back so soon, boys? - Oh, hi, Pop.

- Hi, Pop. - Did you hear the good news?

- What news is that?

- Will Thornberry invited to his party on Tuesday.

- Oh, what did I tell you?

Will wouldn't give a birthday party

without inviting his best friends.

- Yeah, good old Will Thornberry.

- Good old ice cream and cake.

- Now, aren't you guys ashamed of the way

you treated poor Will?

Imagine setting up that booby trap to try and douse

your best friend.

You didn't really think he'd have a party

and not invite you guys, did you?

- I don't know about David, but he sure had me worried.

- Well, I'm glad everything worked out well.

Probably have a wonderful time at the party.

Although I do think that cake is going

to be a little stale by Tuesday night.

Don't you think so?

- What cake is that, Pop?

- You know, the cake you saw at the bakery--

the cake for the party.

- Oh, that one-- that's for the party tonight.

- But you said it was for the Thornberrys.

- Yes, sir.

- Well, are you sure Will's party isn't tonight?

- No, the cake isn't for Will's party.

It's for Mr. Thornberry's party.

- Whose party?

- Mr. Thornberry, the father of the boy next door.

- But-- but it can't be.

I wasn't invited.

I mean, are you positive about this, boys?

- Yes, sir.

Mrs. Thornberry told us herself.

- I don't understand.

How-- how could Mr. Thornberry do this to me, his best friend?

- What's the matter, Pop?

- Well, nothing.

And David?

- Yes, sir?

- Do you happen to know what you did with that big water tub

that you had to rig?

[applause]

[music playing]

- Hi, Pop. - Yeah.

Oh, hi.

- How about playing some football with us?

- Oh, no thanks, Dave-- not right now.

I'm busy.

- Well, it looks like you're just sitting.

- Well, I'm busy sitting.

- Well, you said you'd play some football with us.

- Well, I know.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

But I'm just not in the mood for it.

- You mad at us?

- No, no, no, of course not.

It's just that the ingratitude of some people

really amazes me.

I don't understand how certain so-called friends

can be so thoughtless.

- We forgive you.

You don't have to play football with us.

- No, I was referring to somebody else--

a certain neighbor of ours.

- You mean Mr. Thornberry?

- Rather not mention any names.

- Yes, sir.

- Hey, if you play football with us,

you can kick the ball through his window.

No, no, no. That's silly, Ricky.

I couldn't do that.

- Who knows-- you might get lucky.

- That's not what I mean.

[music playing]

It's funny how some people turn out to be fair-weather friends.

- What's a fair-weather friend, Pop?

- Oh, that's a person who is your friend when

it's nice and sunny.

But if it starts to rain, look out.

You can borrow somebody else's umbrella.

- You borrowed Mr. Thornberry's umbrella last year.

- Yeah, it's still in the hall closet.

- I was only giving an example of a fair-weather friend.

And he's a person whose friendship you just

can't depend on.

- Is Mr. Thornberry a fair weather-friend?

- Well, unfortunately, David, he seems to be.

- Maybe he's out of umbrellas.

- This has nothing to do with umbrellas, Ricky.

Mr. Thornberry's giving a party.

And of all people, his best friend--

his lifelong pal isn't invited.

- You said parties weren't very important.

- Yes, I know, Ricky.

- You said not to get sore about it.

- Yes, I know, David. - You said--

- Oh, all right. That's enough.

I said, I said.

Doesn't anybody else ever say anything around here?

- I do, but nobody ever listens to me.

- Well, this happens to be an entirely different situation.

[music playing]

Children are inclined to overlook their friends.

That's all right.

But there isn't any excuse for an adult to do it.

Conduct like Mr. Thornberry's is ridiculous

coming from a full-grown man.

It's childish.

- Why don't you go over and ask Mr. Thornberry about it?

- David, if Mr. Thornberry doesn't

want to invite me to his party, I'm

certainly not going to beg him.

- Oh, you don't want to go to his party, anyway, Pop.

- You'd just eat a lot ice cream and cake,

and make yourself sick.

- Well, it isn't the party, boys.

I don't care about the party.

The thing that hurts is I'm completely

forgotten after all I've done for Mr. Thornberry.

- Like what, Pop?

- Oh, I don't keep a list, David.

But believe me, I've done plenty of things.

- You borrowed his umbrella.

- Mainly I've been a good and true friend.

You remember I invited him to my birthday party.

- Should we hate Mr. Thornberry from now on?

- No, of course not.

This is none of your worry.

Whatever my feelings are, then they don't concern you guys.

- Well, I kind of like him, Pop, if that's all right.

- Yes, certainly, David.

You boys are entitled to your own opinions.

- Hey, here comes Mr. Thornberry now.

- Oh, I'll let him in.

- Let me let him in, David.

- Probably come over to borrow some chairs or some dishes

or something.

[knock on door] - Hi, Mr. Thornberry.

- Hi, Mr. Thornberry. - Oh, hi, Dave.

Hi, Rick. - Pop's right here--

[interposing voices]

- Oh, Pop, mom left some cookies on the plate here for you.

- Oh, thank you, David.

- Thank you, David.

- Say, these cookies really look delicious.

- Don't you get anything to eat at your house?

- Well, sure, Oz.

But no one makes cookies like Harriet.

[laughs]

Well, don't you any?

Here, have one.

- You sure you can spare this?

- Well, sure, Oz.

There's plenty there for both of us.

- Help yourself.

Very nice of you to share my cookies with me.

- Yeah, I think so.

People are always taking advantage

of my generous nature.

- Uh, by the way, do you have any plans for this evening?

- No, nothing special.

I'll just stay home and catch up on my reading.

- Uh, I think I'll be home myself.

May go to bed early tonight.

And that's if there isn't too much

noise around the neighborhood.

- I'll try to turn the pages quietly.

Oz, aren't you having any more cookies?

- Uh, no thank you.

Already gave me one.

Besides, I don't happen to be very hungry.

- Gee, that's a shame.

- Go ahead.

You can have some more if you'd like.

- Well, no, I don't want them all, but they are very good.

- You know, it seems a shame to spend

a beautiful night at home.

And I have a feeling tonight's going to be a very nice night.

- Well, I don't know.

I enjoy it once in a while.

- [laughs] I was just think it's too bad somebody isn't giving

a party tonight.

I don't know why.

Somehow I just feel like going to a party tonight.

- Yeah, that would be very nice.

- I love parties.

- Oz...

I thought so.

I read this book before.

You don't have any comic books around here?

Oh well, it doesn't matter.

I think I'll be going.

- Uh, just a second, Thorny.

You left a few crumbs on the plate.

- No thanks, Oz.

Wait a minute.

Second thought-- I think I will take them.

I think I'll dump them right here in my pocket.

And I'll nibble on them on the way home.

- Oh, hi, Pop. - Oh, hi, Dave.

- What are you doing up here?

- Going to make out a list of all the things

that Mr. Thornberry has borrowed from us,

and hold them to a strict accounting.

- Didn't he invite you to his party?

- He didn't even mention the party.

Just sat down there stuffing himself on our cookies

and reading up all your comic books.

Let's see, things that Mr. Thornberry

has borrowed from us.

- Garden rake.

- OK, borrowed our garden rake.

- No, Pop. You borrowed his.

It's in our garage.

- Well, take it back to him, Dave.

I don't want any of his things around here.

- Should we take his umbrella, too, Pop?

- Yes, take back everything that belongs to him.

- How about his toolbox?

- Everything-- I wish he wouldn't clutter up our garage

with all his junk.

- Should we take back his wheelbarrow?

- Yes.

No.

On second thought, we'll keep the wheelbarrow.

We'll need it to bring back all the stuff

that he's borrowed from us.

- So far, there hasn't been anything.

- So many things, I just can't think of them at the moment.

Let's see.

Yes, he borrowed a pencil.

- A pencil?

- Right.

And make sure he sharpens it.

- I'm going to feel awful silly bringing a pencil back

in a wheelbarrow.

- Oh, so here's where you're hiding.

- Oh, hi.

Where have you been?

- Oh, I had a little shopping to do.

- Pop's making a list of all the things

that Mr. Thornberry's borrowed.

- Oh, never mind, Rick.

- So far, he owes us a pencil.

- He also has my rain hat.

I remember he borrowed it one day when

he couldn't find his umbrella.

- What's this all about?

- No, I might as well tell you.

Do you realize that big bum Thornberry

is giving a party tonight and hasn't even invited us?

- Well, I guess I better tell you.

Catherine Thornberry wanted to keep it a secret.

But I can't stand by and see Rimsky and Korsakoff split up.

Thorny doesn't know anything about the party.

- What do you mean?

He's giving the party.

- No, dear.

Catherine's giving the party, and we're all invited.

It's a surprise anniversary party.

- A what?

- A surprise anniversary party.

You know Thorny's memory.

So far, every wedding anniversary

has been a surprise to him.

So this year, Catherine's giving him a surprise party.

- Oh, Harriet, this is awful when

I think of the terrible things I said to the poor guy.

Gosh, how am I going to make this up to him?

- Let him keep the pencil.

- Oh, and by the way, Catherine had the bakery

deliver the cake here so that Thorny won't see it.

- Oh, cake?

Oh, where is it?

- In the kitchen, but don't you touch it.

- Oh, Harriet, what do you what do you think I am, a child?

Come on, folks.

Let's go down and take a look at it.

- Oh, boy!

Will you look at that?

- Oh, my, isn't that a beauty?

- Mmm.

- Ricky, Ricky, don't do that.

- I'm just tasting the candles.

- Well, now that you mention it, it

is kind of a strange thing for them

to put the candles on so soon.

They usually put them on at the last minute.

Yeah, we better take the candles out.

Save it for later.

Mmm.

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

Certainly is delicious cake.

It's very rare that a cake will look so good

and-- and also taste so good.

You know, in the old days when they baked a cake for the king,

they'd always have an official taster.

And he had to take a slice of the cake and taste it

just to make sure that it-- it wasn't poisoned.

- Yeah, that's a good excuse, Pop.

- Who needs excuses?

I'll get the knife. - No, no, no.

Wait a minute, Rick.

We're not going to slice up this beautiful cake.

However, I do think it would be perfectly all right if we

each took just one little dab off the edge of one

of those rosebuds.

Mmm.

Mmm.

- Hey, Pop, I thought you said just one dab.

- Well, I'm just straightening out the edge here.

Anything I can't stand is an untidy cake.

Wait a minute.

There's one thing that worries me, though.

You know, Thorny comes in the kitchen here so often.

It would be awful if he came in and discovered this.

- How about putting it in the garage?

- No, that'd be sort of unsanitary.

Yeah, the station wagon's out there.

I think I'll put it in the back of the station wagon.

Open the door, Dave.

Rick, wipe your face off a little, will you?

Don't want your mother to see you with cake on your face.

- Oh!

- [crosstalk]

- I told you guys not to set that booby trap.

- I didn't set it, Pop.

- Neither did I.

- Well, then, who did?

- I did.

Oz, I saw that bakery truck deliver that cake

to your house.

What's the big idea of having a party and not inviting me?

- Oh, for goodness sakes!

[applause]

- That gosh-darned Thornberry.

[applause]

- Well, we hope you enjoyed reminiscing with us.

And now just to bring things up to date,

here's Rick singing one of his latest hits,

"A Wonder Like You."

[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "A WONDER LIKE YOU"]

- [SINGING] I've seen the snow white mountains of Alaska.

I've sailed along the rivers of Peru.

I've seen the world in all its seven wonders.

But I've never seen a wonder like you.

I've stood upon the pyramids of Egypt,

far away across the ocean blue.

I've seen the island beauties of Hawaii.

But I've never seen a beauty like you.

I've gazed at the white cliffs of Dover.

There is not a place I didn't see.

Now that my travels are over, I wish

you had been there with me.

I've seen the pretty dancing girls

of Siam, the happy Polynesian people, too.

But they're not as happy as I am because they

haven't got a wonder like you.

I've gazed at the white cliffs of Dover.

There's not a place I didn't see.

Now that my travels are over, I wish

you had been there with me.

I've seen the pretty dancing girls

of Siam, the happy Polynesian people, too.

But they're not as happy as I am because they

haven't got a wonder like you.

They haven't got a wonder like you.

No, they haven't got a wonder like you.

No, they haven't got a wonder like you.

[applause]

[music playing]

- Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by Peter Paul.

- Need any help?

- Help yourself.

That's Peter Paul Almond Joy.

And like the man says, "It's indescribably delicious."