Original subtitles

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hi, Thorny

- What are you so engrossed in?

- I've just been reading a very interesting article here

about Listerine Antizyme toothpaste.

Says it stops the major cause of tooth decay,

every minute of every day.

- Well, that's no secret.

I know that.

- Well, you read this magazine?

- Why, sure.

I also use the toothpaste.

[music playing]

- Listerine, the most widely used antiseptic in the world,

and Antizyme, the first all day anti-enzyme toothpaste are

happy to bring you a repeat performance of one of the best

liked of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And of course, his lovely wife Harriet, as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Come on, David.

That's no fair.

- I tackled you, didn't I?

- What kind of a tackle do you call that?

- I call it using the old noggin.

- Watch your language, David.

- The noggin is your head.

- That's not where you grabbed me.

[doorbell]

- Answer the door, will you?

- Answer the door, he says.

What am I, the doorman?

- Your standing right in front of it.

Is it too much trouble?

- What are you lazy or something?

- Do the Nelsons live here?

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

There's nobody home right now, though.

- Well, we're from the Emporium.

We got a couple of chairs we gotta deliver here.

This is it, Joe.

- You need any help?

- No, thanks, buster.

I think we can handle it all right.

- "Do you need any help."

You couldn't even lift one of those chairs.

- It doesn't hurt to be polite.

- Boy, those are sure swell looking chairs.

- Yeah, I wonder how come we're getting new chairs.

- I don't know.

I guess Mom ordered 'em.

- Now, if one of you fellas would

be good enough to sign this receipt here for me.

- Here, I'll sign it.

- No, you better let me do it, Ricky.

- What's the matter with me?

- Nothing.

You write very well for a boy your age.

This happens to be an important paper.

That's all.

- Better let your big brother sign it this time.

- You can sign it next time.

- "Next time."

We buy so many chairs around here.

- That's great, thanks.

Well, so long, fellas. - Bye.

- So long. - Goodbye, boys.

- Bye.

- Thanks for the chairs.

- Boy, these are really nice looking chairs.

- I bet I could do a neat headstand in these.

- No acrobatics, now, Ricky.

These chairs are to sit in.

- You sound just like Pop.

- What's all this about?

- New chairs.

- Oh, I thought I saw the Emporium truck pull away

a moment ago.

- They look swell, don't they, Pop?

- Yeah, these are real nice.

- I signed for 'em.

- Big man.

- Oh, it's funny, your mother would

go out and buy new chairs without speaking

to me about it, though.

- They sure look nice, though, don't they?

- Yeah.

Not only look nice, but their mighty comfortable.

- They sure are, boy.

- Remember, you guys, no acrobatics on these.

These are for sitting in.

- You sound just like David.

- Hello.

Somewhat looks like a convention in here.

- Oh, hi, Harriet. You're just in time.

Your chairs just arrived.

- Chairs?

- Well, yeah, the chairs you ordered from the Emporium.

- Well, there must be some mistake.

- They're the wrong ones?

- Why, I don't know anything about them.

- You mean you didn't order these two chairs?

- Well, certainly not.

I wouldn't order chairs without asking you first.

- Well, why would they have two chairs delivered here

if you didn't order them?

- Maybe it's a present from the Emporium.

- I hardly think so.

- I don't know, Mom.

I buy an awful lot of stuff down there.

- Maybe there's a mix up down at the store

and they have another Nelson in mind or something.

- You better phone them and tell 'em to come pick 'em up.

- Do you know the number?

- No, I don't.

It's probably in the phone book, though.

- Dave, would you get the book for me, please?

It's on the table.

Get settled in these chairs, they're so darn comfortable.

- Here you are, Pop. - Thanks.

- Let's have a catch, Rick.

- Oop, not in the house.

And don't go too far, because lunch will be ready soon.

- Just tell them there's been some mistake.

- [ON PHONE] Emporium.

- Hello, I'd like to have the complaint department, please.

I imagine that's the best.

- [ON PHONE] Complaints and adjustments.

- Oh, hello, my name is Nelson.

I imagine you would be the one to contact.

A couple of large living room chairs

were delivered to our house when there was nobody home.

That is, only our boys were home.

They let the men in.

- [ON PHONE] Have the chairs been damaged, sir?

- Oh, no.

No, they're in perfect condition.

They're very nice chairs.

In fact, they are very comfortable.

- Get to the point, dear. - Pardon me.

What did you say?

- I said, get to the point.

- Hello, are you still there?

- [ON PHONE] Oh, for goodness sakes.

You know, I didn't recognize you at first, Mabel.

- Mabel?

- [ON PHONE] Always kidding, Mabel.

Who's that with you, Charlie?

- What'd she say?

- She thinks I'm somebody else.

- Well, who for goodness sake? - Somebody named--

- [ON PHONE] Hello?

- --Joe, I think. - [ON PHONE] Hello!

- Hello.

Can we start over again, please?

Look, I'm not Mabel.

- Mabel?

- I'm not Joe.

I'm a customer, and I have a complaint

to register about two chairs that were delivered to our home

this morning by mistake.

- [ON PHONE] You mean this isn't Mabel?

- No, it isn't.

You must have a bad connection.

My name is Nelson.

- [ON PHONE] Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I have this friend with a low voice

and she's all the time kidding.

- Fine.

- [ON PHONE] Now, what's this about chairs, please?

- Well, they were delivered to our house,

but we didn't order them.

Apparently, they were ordered by somebody else.

- [ON PHONE] What was the name again, please?

- Nelson.

Ozzie Nelson.

- [ON PHONE] Oh, thank you, Mr. Nelson.

I'll check as soon as the men come in.

- Yeah, well, just one thing, though.

The name on the receipt will be David, David Nelson.

They were sent to Ozzie Nelson, but David signed them.

- [ON PHONE] I see.

Is that R for Robert?

- R?

- [ON PHONE] Didn't you say were ordered by RZ Nelson?

- No, no, no, no, no.

They were ordered by Ozzie Nelson, not RZ.

Ahh, Ahh, like in gargle.

- [ON PHONE] I'm terribly sorry.

Now you say the chairs were ordered by this Mr. "Gargy"

Nelson?

- They were not ordered by Gargy.

They were-- in the first place, there

is nobody in the world named Gargy Nelson.

Miss, let's assume for the moment

that there is such a person as Gargy Nelson.

He did not order the chairs.

- [ON PHONE] That's what you said.

They were ordered by Mr. David Nelson.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

David is the boy who signed for them.

- [ON PHONE] I see.

Then David was at Gargy Nelson's house

at the time the chairs arrived?

- That's right.

David is my son.

I'm Gargy.

Now, at your convenience, would you please stop by and pick up

the two chairs?

- [ON PHONE] Are you sure this isn't Mabel?

- Believe me, it's not Mabel.

- [ON PHONE] Well, OK.

I'll send a truck over.

But you sure sound like Mabel.

- Anything you say, just pick up the chair.

[music playing]

- Hi, Ozzie.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- Well, this is a coincidence.

Just coming over to see you.

- Oh, good for you.

- Katherine's out visiting some of the relatives,

so I thought maybe I'd get a couple of books

and spend the day relaxing in one of your new chairs.

- Oh, how'd you hear about the chairs?

- Well, I saw the guys delivering them.

- Oh, well, there was a mistake about them, Thorny.

They weren't supposed to be for us.

I phoned the Emporium, and they're sending a pickup truck

with a couple of men.

They're gonna take them back to the store.

- Yeah? When'd you phone them?

- Oh, about half hour ago.

Why?

- Gee, how can that be?

It was only 10 minutes ago I saw them delivering the chairs.

- No, no, no, no.

You saw the men taking the chairs from our house

out to the pickup truck.

- Oh, maybe that was it.

All I know is I saw a couple of guys taking chairs--

now, wait a minute.

They were taking the chairs into your house.

- No, no, no, no.

You saw the men taking the chairs from our house

out to the truck.

- Oz, were you there?

- No, I wasn't there, but I know what they were doing.

Think now.

You saw two guys come into our house,

get chairs, and take them out to the truck.

- Not unless they were walking backwards.

I distinctly remember hearing the chairs bang up

against the front door.

Now, they wouldn't be that careless

if they were taking them back.

- Ozzie.

- Harriet, you're just in time to explain something

to poor old Thorny.

- Yeah, well, maybe you can explain something

to poor old Harriet.

- What-- what's the matter?

- Why did the store send us two more chairs?

- They did send us two more chairs?

Well, for goodness sakes, you heard

me talking on the phone with the girl

and she promised to send the truck right over.

- Well, she sent the truck right over, all right,

with two more chairs.

- How do you like that?

Well, I explained the whole thing very carefully to her

on the phone. You-- you heard me, Harriet.

- All I know is I just walked into the living room

and we now have a total of four new chairs.

- Well, now wait a minute, Oz.

Where are you going?

- I'm gonna go in and phone the Emporium

and straighten this girl out.

- What girl?

- Well, you know, uh, Mabel.

That-- that is not, uh, Mabel.

I'm Mabel.

Well, no, I mean--

you know, that's what the girl called me, Mabel.

That's how the whole confusion started.

- What confusion?

- Well, about the chairs and Mabel and Gargy.

- Gargy?

Now, who's Gargy, Mabel?

- I'll explain the whole thing some later time, Thorny,

but I'm gonna call those people at the Emporium

and tell them they can't push around a guy named "Mabel."

[music playing]

- Hello, I'd like to speak to the manager, please.

- See that tight-lipped, fiery-eyed fellow talking

on the telephone? Well, that's--

- Uh, this is Ozzie Nelson. - --Ozzie Nelson.

This morning--

- This morning, two chairs were delivered to my house

by mistake. - Yeah.

Anyway, Ozzie called the Emporium.

- I called the Emporium and asked to have them picked up.

- Exactly. But instead of--

- But instead of picking up two chairs,

they brought us two more.

- So, now Ozzie went would like--

- So, now I'd like to have the four chairs picked up.

- Well, a guy just doesn't stand a chance around here

unless his name is Nelson.

- Are you sure you've got that straight now?

That'll be fine.

Thank you very much.

[music playing]

- Wait a minute.

What's going on here?

- Hi, Pop.

- You're just in time to watch me do a backflip.

- Now, wait a minute.

These aren't our chairs.

- Well, we're not hurting them any, Pop.

- Well, Ricky just said he's going to do a backflip.

- Yeah, but I just bounce off these new ones.

I land on this old stuff.

- Look, I don't care where you bounce or where you land.

These aren't our chairs, and they're brand new.

Now, no acrobatics of any kind.

- Fine.

What good are new chairs then?

- Well, Webster defines a chair as something to sit in.

- He probably couldn't do a backflip.

- Let us try one trick, Pop.

- Well, OK.

Just this once now.

And be careful.

And don't break your neck.

- Hey!

- Hey, that's real good, Rick.

Now-- now no more.

That's it.

David.

Come on now.

These chairs aren't for acrobatics, David.

- I'm not hurting the chair, Pop.

- Well, I mean, you're doing a handstand on them.

Besides, if you're gonna do a handstand on the chair,

you're not supposed to put your hands on the opposite arms.

The way we used to do it was to put one hand up here

on the back of the chair, and then this hand on the arm.

It's a little more spectacular.

- Gee, I didn't know you could do a handstand, Pop.

- Well, I-- I haven't done it in quite some time.

But I think maybe I could still do it.

We used to-- give it the--

[brief dramatic music]

[brief dramatic music]

I'll get these big shoes off.

They're as heavy as lead.

- Better take off your pants, Pop.

You got a lot of lead in them, too.

- Maybe you guys give me a little boost here, huh?

[dramatic music building]

- Oh, boy, Pop.

- Pinch your poor old father just

for a couple of measly pennies?

- Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Pop.

Let me help you up.

- No, it's all right.

[grunts]

[chuckles]

Yeah, this chair is pretty comfortable, though.

Kind of nice looking chairs, too.

Those old ones are getting kind of shabby.

- Yeah, I'm ashamed to be seen jumping in 'em.

- Can we keep them, Pop?

- Well, I don't think we oughta keep all four of them.

But I think maybe we might buy these two.

- Oh boy, let's put on our gym trunks, David.

- Now, now, now, wait a minute, Ricky.

If I buy these chairs for your mother, they're to be sat in.

They're not for acrobatics.

You can use something else for your gymnastics.

- How about buying us a trapeze?

- Well, or a cage maybe.

I better phone the Emporium and tell

'em we're gonna keep these two chairs.

- Gee, this will be a swell surprise for mom.

- We could put the trapeze in the backyard.

- We could hang it from the limb of the big tree.

- Yeah, that would be a neat place.

I bet I could hang by my toes.

- Hello, could I speak to the manager, please?

Hello, is this the manager?

Oh.

Well, Mr. Osborne, I spoke to the manager

a few minutes ago about picking up four chairs.

Oh, I'm sorry.

My name is Nelson, Ozzie Nelson.

And this morning, two chairs were delivered to my house

by mistake, and I called to have them taken back.

But instead of picking up two chairs,

the men brought us two more.

And then I called the manager and asked him to send somebody

out to pick up the four chairs.

And now I decided that we'd like two new chairs.

No, no, no.

[chuckles] No, I don't want you to send us two more chairs.

We'll simply keep two chairs and send back two chairs.

- Don't forget the trapeze.

- Yes, I did want four chairs picked up,

and now I want to keep two chairs.

Yes, just have the men pick up two chairs instead

of four chairs, and then we keep two chairs.

And charge them to my account.

- Have them charge the trapeze to my account.

- Ricky, go have a banana or something.

Now, what was that you guys want?

All right, thank you very much.

- What'd he say, Pop?

- Well, I think we got everything straightened out

now.

Why don't you guys go outside and play for a while?

- Can we take the chairs?

- No, no, of course not.

Pass the football around or something.

[knocking]

- Come on in, Thorny.

- Hi, Oz.

- Hi, boy.

- Hey, get a load of all the chairs.

Now, this is what I call a real cozy room.

- Oh, thanks.

Set yourself down on that beige chair.

See how you like it.

- Thanks.

[sighs]

- What's the verdict?

- Oz, in my 30 years of professional loafing,

I've never been in a more comfortable chair.

- Yeah, we kind of like it.

- Oh, it's wonderful.

[SARCASTICALLY] Uh, don't forget to call me for dinner.

- Yeah, I'm gonna buy those two chairs for Harriet.

It's sort of a surprise.

- What are you gonna with the old chairs?

- Haven't thought much about it.

Guess I'll trade 'em in.

- Trade 'em in?

Well, they wouldn't make it worth your while.

No, I have a better idea.

Why don't you donate them to the men's lounge

at the bowling alley?

- You mean at Monahans?

- Well, sure.

You're always saying how nice it would

be to have a comfortable place to sit

while waiting for an alley.

- Well, I better ask Harriet first.

- What for?

- Well, she may object.

- Well, then why ask her?

- Oh, I'm sure she wouldn't care.

After all, it's for a good cause.

- Oh, certainly.

- And you'll tell Monahan to come pick 'em up, huh?

- Yeah, yeah. OK, Oz.

- Say, Thorny. Wait a minute.

I think I'll walk down as far as the drug store with you.

- Well, fine, fine.

- Well, I'll just put my shoes on and get my coat.

[music playing]

- Come on, Oz.

Let's go.

- You know, Thorny, I used to be a pretty good acrobat when

I was a kid.

- Well, goody for you.

[music playing]

- Oh, hello, boys.

- Hey, where are the chairs?

- Well, they were picked up.

- But they took all four of 'em.

- Well, yes, of course.

- Gee, didn't Pop tell you?

- Tell me what?

- Well, he wanted to keep two of 'em.

He was gonna surprise you.

- Oh, golly.

I made the man take all four of 'em.

- [BOTH] Oh, golly.

- Hey, hey, boys, hun.

- Hi, Pop.

Don't sit out in the new chairs 'cause they aren't here.

- What happened to the new chairs?

- Well, I'm afraid I had them sent back to the store.

- I told that guy that he--

- No, it's my fault. The man said

he was only supposed to pick up two of them,

and I made him take all four.

- Oh, golly.

- That's what we said.

[doorbell]

- Oh, I'll get it.

- Mr. Nelson? - Yes.

- We're from the Emporium.

We're supposed to pick up two chairs.

- Oh, well, I'm afraid you're a little late.

The man picked them up a while ago.

- Well, that's impossible.

Lenny and I are the only ones on the afternoon shift.

- Well, no, my wife-- uh, Harriet.

- Just a minute.

The phone's ringing.

- Well, now, where are the chairs, please?

- Well, no--

I'm sorry, but my wife was here, and the man from the Emporium

came over and picked up the chairs.

- Well, I'm dreadfully sorry, but I know

he wasn't from the Emporium.

- Well--

- Ozzie, the strangest thing just happened.

Some man just phoned from the bowling alley

and said thanks for the chairs.

- Don't tell me you gave those chairs to the man

from the bowling alley. - Well, I don't know.

Some man came to the back door and said

he had to pick up two chairs.

- Well, did he say he was from the Emporium?

- Well, naturally, I assumed he was in the Emporium.

- I keep telling you, we're from the Emporium.

You can ask Lenny, he'll tell you

that we're from the Emporium.

- We're from the Emporium.

- Now, where's the chairs, please?

It's getting late.

- Gee, I'm awfully sorry, fellas.

This is very embarrassing, but there's

been sort of a little mix up, and I'll straighten out

everything tomorrow morning.

- But that won't help me any.

I've got orders to pick up two chairs this afternoon.

They won't let me check out if I don't come back with 'em.

- Well, I'm very sorry, and I'd help you out if I could.

As you can see for yourself, we don't have the chairs.

- What about those two chairs in the living room?

- Those are our old chairs.

Those are not the chairs that are supposed

to go back to the Emporium.

- The slip just says two chairs.

They won't let me go home if I don't bring back two chairs.

- Well, you can't have those chairs.

Those are our old chairs.

They're not the chairs you're supposed to take.

- I want to go home.

- Why don't you let 'em take the old chairs and we can settle

the whole thing in the morning?

- OK.

Go into the living room and take our two chairs, which

you're not supposed to take.

Nevertheless, you take 'em anyway, put them in the truck,

take them back to the Emporium.

And I'll call up tomorrow and settle everything.

Does that make you happy?

- Oh, thank you, sir.

And thank you, lady.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I hate to impose on you, but Lenny has a very bad back.

I was--

- Uh, uh, uh-- say no more.

I'll go into the living room and help you carry the chairs out

to the truck.

- Oh, thank you.

- You're a peach.

- Hi, Harriet.

- Hi, Thorny.

- Hey, what the heck's going on here?

- Who knows?

[music playing]

- Are those the fellas from the bowling alley?

- No, they aren't, Thorny.

This is all pretty confusing.

They're the men from the Emporium.

- Fine mess you got me into, you and your brilliant idea.

- What'd I do?

- Well, I don't know who you talk to over

at Monahan's, but somebody came over here,

picked up the four new chairs and took 'em down

to the bowling alley.

- No kidding?

Say, they'll make the lounge look great.

- No, I'm gonna get 'em.

I'm going right back there and pick them up.

- Well, now wait. You can't be an Indian giver.

- What do you mean, Indian giver?

Do you think I'm want to give four brand new chairs

to Monahan's Alley?

- Well, Oz, I think it's very generous of you.

Who knows?

Someday they may name a bowling ball after you.

Oh, Oz, don't take it so serious.

In a couple of years from now, you'll look back on this

and laugh.

And I'll still be laughing.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Oh, hello, Katherine.

- Is that for me, Harriet?

- Oh, he's right here.

I'll let you speak to him.

Here, Thorny.

- Hello, dear.

Yes, yes.

They were delivered over here.

Yes, two beige chairs and two green ones.

What's that?

They were for us?

Oz, would you care to speak to my wife?

- No-- no thanks. - Uh, Harriet?

- Not me.

- Look, dear, I'll call you right back.

Oh, this is terrible.

Those chairs were for us.

Katherine had them delivered here

so she could break the news to me gradually.

- You mean Katherine bought all four of the chairs?

- Well, no.

She just wanted to see which chairs

looked best in her living room.

Oz, we gotta get those chairs back from the bowling alley.

- Thorny, you don't want me to be an Indian giver.

- Oz!

- After all, they're liable to take my name off that bowling

ball.

- Ozzie, Thorny's serious.

- All right, come on, Thorny.

I'll go down to the bowling alley with you

and get the chairs. - Right now?

- Right now.

Come on.

- Bless you, Oz.

- Harriet, will you call the Emporium

and tell them what happened?

- Holy smokes.

Hey, they'rer stopping in front of your house.

- Harriet, I don't care what their orders are.

I don't care if they can't go home.

They're not gonna take it.

- Not gonna take what?

- Look out that window.

[music playing]

[music playing]

Hello, is this the Emporium?

Well, my name is Nelson.

My wife called you this morning about your sending back

two of our old chairs that your men insisted

on picking up yesterday due to a misunderstanding.

Yes.

Well, it's-- there's been a little more confusion.

Instead of sending our old chairs back,

your men picked up our dining room chairs.

Yeah, it's a rather an awful situation.

[music playing]

- Hi, Doc. - Hello, Fred.

I see you're taking my advice for that dandruff infection.

- Doc, there's nothing like this Listerine.

Whym it's less than a week and look, not a flake, not an itch.

- Keep it up, Fred.

- Listerine antiseptic kills germs.

Here are the results of a clinical test.

With the simple twice a day Listerine treatment,

there was improvement, or all dandruff symptoms completely

disappeared, in a single month in 76% of the cases.

76% of those tested showed improvement or all dandruff

symptoms completely disappeared.

Scales and flakes, itching scalp may mean infectious dandruff.

Well, it just stands to reason where germs are present,

you should have germ killing action.

Listerine antiseptic kills germs.

- And look, not a flake, not an itch.

- Keep it up, Fred.

- Listerine antiseptic kills germs by millions.

- The voice on the telephone was Lurene Tuttle.

The delivery men were played by Dick Ryan, Brick Sullivan,

Ralph Peters, and Henry Culky.

This is Verne Smith speaking.

[music playing]

Read the inside story of "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet" in the July issue

of "Coronet" magazine.

You'll enjoy the story by Herb Dalmas titled, "Ozzie, Harriet,

and Family."

[music playing]