Original subtitles

- Hi, everybody.

I'm Harriet Nelson.

And this is a good friend of mine.

You know, we Nelsons have a tough schedule

with a television show and a radio show every week,

and I found an awfully good way to avoid colds

is to gargle with Listerine.

Why don't you try it?

[theme song]

Listerine antiseptic, Listerine toothpaste,

and Prophylactic toothbrushes present

America's favorite family comedy,

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here is Ozzie, who plays the part of Ozzie Nelson.

And, of course, his lovely wife Harriet as Harriet Nelson.

The older of the Nelson boys, David, appears as David Nelson.

And his younger brother, the irrepressible Ricky,

played by Ricky Nelson.

The Nelson's next-door neighbor, Thorny,

is played by Don DeFore.

- Did Will Thornberry call here yet, Mom?

- Not that I know of, dear.

- You're supposed to pick him up.

- Since when?

- I was talking to him just before dinner.

- What's this?

You guys are going to go out some place tonight?

- We're just going over to the gym to play some basketball.

- Remember now, don't stay out too late.

- What about your homework?

- Well, there's no school tomorrow, Pop.

- Oh, yeah, that's right. - Come on.

Let's go, Rick.

- Hey, wait a minute, you guys.

Put your coats on.

You'll be in there playing basketball

and come out in the cold air and catch pneumonia.

- Oh, Mom. That's old-fashioned stuff.

- Well, maybe it is, but I'm going to have you catch a cold.

Remember what happened last year, you were sick in bed.

- Yeah, neat, boy.

No school for two weeks.

- Who are you playing tonight, Dave?

- It's just a practice game, Pop.

- Oh.

Well, don't get home too late now.

- We won't. - And bundle up good, too.

There are plenty of colds going around.

- OK, Mom. Goodnight.

Goodnight

- There are a lot of colds going around, you know.

- Yeah, sure are.

I had lunch with Herb Dunkle today, and, boy, he had a pip.

- I hope you didn't sit too close to him.

- No, no.

I don't catch colds very easily anyway.

- Well, don't be too sure about that.

I noticed you didn't eat very much for dinner.

- Well, I ate all I wanted.

I just wasn't very hungry.

I had quite a big lunch.

- You sure you feel all right?

- Well, of course I do.

What makes you think I don't?

- Your face is a little red.

- Well, it's kind of warm in here.

- I don't think so.

Let me feel your head.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- I'm not being ridiculous.

You know just as well as I do that the time

to put a stop to a cold is when it's just starting.

Why don't you go upstairs and gargle?

- But I tell you I feel fine.

A little tired perhaps, but I got up rather

early this morning.

- You just admitted you feel tired,

and you know very well that's the way these things start.

Now, why don't you stop being stubborn

and go over and lie down on the couch for a while?

[doorbell rings]

- Here, I'll get it.

I promise you I won't stand in the open doorway.

Oh, hiya, Mary. Come on in.

- Oh, hello, Ozzie. Is Harriet in?

- Yeah, sure. Harriet, it's Mary Dunkle.

- Hi! - Oh, hello, Mary.

What a pleasant surprise.

- Well, thanks, honey. - How's Herb?

Ozzie tells me he has a cold coming on.

- Oh, it's nothing serious, but it sure is a nuisance for him.

- Well, does he feel OK now? - Oh, yes.

He's sitting on the couch with the pillows

all around him, propped up like a Majaraha or whatever it is.

- Well, I've been telling Ozzie that's what he ought to do.

Come on. Sit down.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, Harriet's been trying to convince me that I feel sick,

but, frankly, I've never felt better in my life.

- Well, maybe so, but you've got to watch out for those colds.

Say, I'll tell you when I stopped by.

I was on my way downtown.

I thought maybe you and Ozzie would like to go with me.

- Oh, where are you going?

- Well, the stores are open tonight,

and I have to exchange a few things.

Herb gave me a sweater and skirt,

but they turned out to be the wrong size.

- Well, that's a shame.

Are they too big or too small?

- Well, you know what an old flatterer Herb is.

The sweater was too big, and the skirt was too small.

Well, anyway, I'm going down to the emporium to exchange them.

They're up until 9:00 tonight.

- Oh, say, that gives me an idea.

Why don't I take that lamp at those bookends and that shirt

that you don't like down there and exchange them?

- Oh, Harriet, don't bother exchanging those things.

They're OK.

- Well, as long as Mary's going down there anyway.

Besides, the stores don't mind exchanging things.

They're happy to do it.

- Well, I know, but it's embarrassing to walk

in and exchange all those things in one evening.

Why don't you sort of spread it out a little?

- Oh, I did.

I exchanged several things last week.

- Boy, I'll bet they're happy to see you walk in there.

- Oh, don't be silly. Come on.

You can drive us downtown.

- Well--

- Ozzie, you sound just like Herb.

- Now, just a second, Harriet.

[coughs] You know, now that I think of it,

I do have a little cold coming on.

- Oh, stop your faking.

You said yourself you feel fine.

- Now, now wait a minute, Harriet.

I didn't say it with quite that inflection.

If you recall, I said I feel a little tired, too.

- Then you do feel sick.

- No, no.

I don't feel sick.

I just don't feel quite up to exchanging--

I mean, uh, to drive you all the way downtown.

- Well, I was right the first time.

You have got a cold coming on. - Oh, no, no.

- Come on. Here.

Oz, lie down. - Wait.

What are you doing?

- I've never saw two men more alike than Ozzie and Herb.

- Mary, would you hand me that pillow?

- Sure, dear.

- Goodness sakes.

- There.

Now I'll take your shoes off.

- No, no, I can do that, Harriet.

- [chuckles] Just like Herb.

He's even got a hole in his sock just like Herb.

- Say, how would you like me to make you some nice lemonade?

- Oh, say, that would be kind of a nice idea,

and maybe a plate of cookies.

You could put them right on the table there

where I wouldn't have to reach too far.

- Here, Ozzie.

Let me put this comforter over you.

You might get a little chilly later on.

- Oh, thank you, Mary.

Ah.

Thank you.

Yes, that is comfortable.

I think this may be the best thing after all, Harriet.

I feel a cold coming on.

There's no sense taking any chances.

- You sure you don't mind my going downtown?

- No, no, no, no.

You go right ahead, dear.

Though, I do think this is best just for me

to stretch out here and relax.

- Yes, I think so, too.

Are you comfortable now?

- Oh, fine.

- All right, well, the paper's here on the table,

and so are some magazines.

And I'll go make the lemonade now.

- Oh, thank you, dear.

Hiya, Pop.

- Oh, hello, fellas.

How was the basketball game? - Oh, it was swell.

We got way ahead, so we let Ricky play.

- Yeah, I shot five baskets, too.

- Well, good for you.

- He got six fouls called against him, too.

- I couldn't help it.

- You've got to watch that stuff, Rick.

- They had me guarding a real tall guy.

He was about a foot taller than me.

- Did you guard him OK?

- As best I could.

- Heck, he tackled him twice.

- You're not supposed to do that.

- Yeah, I kept forgetting.

- You're not allowed to tackle in basketball.

- I kept thinking it was still football.

- What's wrong, Pop?

Sprain your ankle?

- Oh, no, Dave.

Your mother felt a--

[coughs] felt a cold coming on me.

She thought I was catching the cold,

so she suggested I stretch out on the couch and rest.

- Gee, you're pretty soft.

- Hey, can I have a cookie, Pop?

- Oh, don't take too many.

- Well, there's only one left.

- Come on.

There's plenty more out in the kitchen.

- OK.

- Don't stay up too late now, fellas.

Oh, we won't. We won't.

[door knocking]

- Come on in, Thorny.

- Hi, Oz.

- Hi.

- Well, well, what do we have here, Lawrence of Arabia?

- No, I just feel a bit of a cold creeping on.

- Oh, don't be silly, Oz.

I've never seen you look better in your life.

Hey, what have you got here? Lemonade?

- Hey, you'd better not drink out of that glass, Thorny.

There's no use taking any chances.

- OK, Oz.

I'll go ahead and drink out of the pitcher.

Nothing high hat about me.

- I just sort of felt it sneaking up on me.

- Mm, not bad.

A little warm, perhaps, but not bad.

Oh, I'm sorry, Oz.

What'd you say?

Somebody sneaked up on you?

- Uh, no.

[coughs] I'm just talking about this cold.

[coughing]

- Well, you look all right to me.

You don't sound like you've got a cold.

- Well, I don't actually have a cold yet.

But any doctor will tell you if you

feel one coming on, the best thing to do

is to get right off your feet, stop everything, get into bed,

and get plenty of rest.

- Yeah, especially if you're independently wealthy.

- Don't be silly, Thorny.

It's only common sense.

- Look, will you stop stalling and make up your mind?

Now, are you going with me tonight or aren't you?

- Going where?

- Oh, now don't tell me you forgot about our date

for tonight.

- What date is that?

- Our date to go bowling.

- Well, I didn't know we had a definite date to go bowling.

I thought we just discussed it casually a couple of weeks ago.

- Oh, now I get it.

Oz, I'm surprised at you.

If you're going to chicken out, at least

have the courage to chicken out like a man.

- What do you mean "chicken out"?

Do you mean to say you'd actually drag a man out

of a sick bed and take advantage of his poor health

just to win a couple of measly pennies at the bowling alleys?

- Come on, get off that couch.

Any man who can get through a speech like that in one breath

is well enough to bowl a few games.

- It's very cold out?

- Oz, it's like a balmy summer evening.

Come on.

You'll probably win the free ginger ale.

- Ginger ale? - Well, yeah.

Didn't you know?

They're giving you a free case of ginger ale

for the high score each night this week.

- Holy smokes.

I'm sorry I drank so much lemonade.

- Oh, come on, Oz.

I've got the car right outside.

- Oh, wait a minute.

I just happened to think of something.

Harriet asked me to drive her downtown a while ago,

and I turned her down.

What if she comes back here before we do and finds me gone?

- Well, where'd she go?

- Uh, she and Mary Dunkle went down to the emporium.

- Oh, be reasonable, Oz.

They'll probably stay at the emporium

till the door is closed.

Then they'll either go to a movie

or at least stop and get a soda.

- Well, yeah, we could get down to Monaghan's roll a few games

and be back before they are.

- That's the spirit, Oz!

Come on.

Let's go.

- You know, Thorny, it does a guy

good to live a little dangerously

every once in a while.

- Come on!

Get in your shoes.

- You know, I hate to admit this,

but, actually, I don't remember our

making a date to go bowling tonight.

When did we make it?

- [laughs]

- That's what I thought, you dog!

"Ozzie and Harriet" will be back in just a moment.

[music playing]

- Ah!

[laughs] Go ahead, beat that, old boy.

- That's fantastic.

How do you like that.

Get a load of this.

- I'm sorry, Thorny, old boy.

This just isn't your night.

- There's something wrong. I don't know what it is.

You've got the juju sign on you. I don't know what it is.

- Go ahead. You've got another ball.

- Oh!

- [laughs]

- Oh, I give up, I give up.

- This just isn't your night, old boy.

- Aww...

- Well, they certainly were nice about exchanging those things,

weren't they?

- Oh, well, they're very pleasant down there.

- Although, did you hear with that one clerk said?

He said, "Madam, do you realize it's been

three months since Christmas?"

- Oh, well.

- But he said it with a smile.

- Oh, they're very nice.

- Say, how would you like to go to a movie?

- I don't know, Mary.

I'm just not much in the mood for a movie tonight.

- Well, I kind of hate to go home as

long as we're clear downtown.

Say, I've got a wonderful idea.

Some of the girls are going bowling.

Why don't we go down to the alley

and have a game with them?

- You know, I'm ashamed to tell you, Mary,

but I have never bowled in my life.

- Oh, there's nothing to it.

In fact, the first time I bowled was the best score I ever made.

- I'll be glad to go over and sit and watch.

- Oh, don't be silly, honey.

You'll probably beat all of us.

Look, there's nothing to it.

You just take up the ball and throw it at the pins,

then open your eyes and see if you hit anything.

- OK, I'm willing to take a crack at it.

- How about that!

[laughs]

- Will you look at that?

Another strike!

Oh, Oz, you really took me to the cleaners tonight.

Four games and I haven't won a one.

How much do I owe you?

- You know darn well how much you owe me. $0.20.

Come on, let's have it, boy.

- Do you accept a check?

- No, no.

Let's keep this strictly on a cash basis.

- Oh, you drive a hard bargain, Oz.

Let me see.

- Pleasure to do business with you.

- $0.10, 15-- ah!

Give me back that dime.

- What's the matter?

- I'll let you have the dirty one.

- I'll take it.

You know, I think this is the highest score I ever

bowled in my life, Thorny.

- Well, when we're not betting for anything, I always win.

You know, I think there's a little of the confidence

man in you, Oz.

- Hey, it'd be pretty funny if I won the case of ginger ale,

wouldn't it? - The what?

- The case of ginger ale!

You told me yourself they give a case of ginger ale

to the guy with the high score each night.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

- Well, I hate to brag.

- Oh, go on, Oz.

Just this once.

- I rolled some pretty good games tonight.

- You were pretty lucky if you ask me.

- What do you mean lucky?

I beat you fair and square, and you know it.

- Oh, listen, Oz.

When I see a bowling ball go down the alley,

drop in the left gutter, bounce out, drop in the right gutter,

bounce out, ricochet off the pinboy's foot

and knock down 10 pins, that is luck.

- Well, I told you, I gave it a little extra flick

of the wrist. - Uh huh.

[WHISPERING] Wait, Oz, Oz! - Please, please!

I'm trying to add up the score.

- Oz, do my eyes deceive me? Look.

Look over at the entrance!

- What's the matter?

- I'm sure it's Harriet and Mary!

- Holy smokes! You're right, Thorny!

I'm supposed to be home, sick in bed!

Come on. Get your stuff.

Keep low. Sneak out.

- Quick!

- Good morning, young fella. - Morning.

- This the Nelson residence? - Yes, sir.

- Got a case of ginger ale here for you.

- Oh, boy!

Hey, David, this man's got a case of ginger ale for me!

- Well, I'm not sure it's for you.

- Didn't you say it was for Nelson?

- Yeah.

- That's me, all right.

- That's everybody in this house, dopey.

Who ordered it, sir?

- Nobody ordered it, sonny.

It's sent over courtesy of Monaghan's Bowling Alley

for a high score last night.

- Hey, nice people, boy.

I can't even bowl, and they send me a prize.

- It's not you.

It's Pop's.

- Uh, what's going on, boys?

- Oh, this man's got a piece of ginger ale for us, Pop.

- Ginger ale? Wait a minute.

Don't tell me it's from Monaghan's Bowling Alley.

- Yes, sir. - For a high score last night?

- That's right. - Well, how about that!

- Congratulations, Pop!

- Oh, gee, thanks.

- I'll get a bottle opener.

- You know, I just said as a joke to my friend and neighbor,

Mr. Thornberry-- we were bowling together last night--

I said, wouldn't it be funny if I won the case of ginger ale,

and by golly, here I won it.

- Congratulations. I'm glad you did.

- Gee, thanks.

- What was your score, Pop?

- Well, I don't think I know.

You don't happen to know what my score was, do you?

- No, I don't know anything about that part.

They just tell me where to deliver the ginger ale,

and I deliver it.

- Oh, oh, fine.

Well, gee, I'm-- what you'd call-- just an average bowler,

you know.

But last night, somehow, the pins

just seemed to drop down right and left.

I just couldn't seem to miss.

- That's the way it goes sometimes.

Would you sign right there, please?

- Oh, yeah, sure thing.

The first time out, I had to make a split

to pick up my spare.

- Pretty tough shot.

- Yeah.

It's the funniest thing--

I heard about this, but I'd never

done it before in my life-- and I

kind of zoomed the ball a little to the side,

and I hit that left-end pin.

I don't know the numbers of them, even.

And it just flipped right over, and got the other corner spin

for the spare.

My neighbor I was telling you about, he got to laugh,

and he fell back in his chair.

I got to laugh, and I fell right down on top of him.

- Must have been tough to see, all right.

Well, did I-- oh, I gave you a pen.

Sorry.

- Yeah, yeah.

And the next time, I figured, well,

if I can get a strike following a spare, I'm in good shape.

So, usually I roll a pretty fastball.

In fact, I think that's one of my faults.

I roll a ball too fast.

So this time, I figured I think I'll just

lay her down gently, you see, with just a little bit more

right-hand.

So I aimed a little over to the side,

laid her down, and gave it just a little bit

of a twist right into the old groove for a strike.

- That's the thing to do, all right.

I-- uh, oh, yes. - Oh!

I'm sorry.

I've been talking and talking to you.

You probably have lots more important things to do.

- That's all right. It's very interesting.

- Oh, well, thanks a lot.

And, gee, thanks for the ginger ale, thank Mr. Monaghan,

and thank you for being such a tolerant listener to all

this ear-bending I've been handing out here.

- That's all right, that's all right.

It happens every time I deliver a case of this stuff.

Goodbye.

- Bye.

Here, boys.

Here, cart this out to the kitchen for me, will you?

- OK, Pop.

- And don't drink all that ginger ale up

before your mother gets a whack at it.

- We won't.

[phone ringing]

- Hello? OZZIE OVER PHONE: Hello, Thorny?

This is Oz. - Hi, Oz.

What's up?

- I have a little news for you, a little surprise.

Remember last night I said, wouldn't it

be funny if I won the case of ginger ale for high score?

Yeah.

Well, the man delivered it five minutes ago.

No, honest!

You can ask David and Ricky.

Oh, well, thanks, Thorny.

I just thought I'd tell you the news.

So long, old pal.

- What did Mr. Thornberry say, Pop?

- Uh, he still thinks I'm kidding.

- Who you calling now?

- Uh, Mr. Dunkle.

I just remembered he sprained his ankle,

and I think I ought to call up and see how he is.

- That was a couple of weeks ago, wasn't it, Pop?

- Oh, yes, I know, but it's still a neighborly thing to do.

Oh, hello, Dunk?

This is Ozzie.

How's the ol' ankle?

Oh, that's good.

Say, now that you're up and around again,

we'll have to go bowling some night.

Yeah.

Speaking of bowling, the funniest thing happened.

Monaghan gives away a case of ginger ale for the high score

for each night, see.

Hello, Bill?

This is Ozzie.

Yeah.

Say, Harriet and I certainly got a kick out of that card

you sent us at Christmas.

Oh, well, thanks.

Uh, have you been bowling lately?

Hello, Larry?

This is Ozzie.

Hello, Tom?

This is Ozzie Nelson.

Ozzie Nelson.

You probably don't remember me.

We went to high school together.

- Oh, hello, dear.

- Hi, Mom.

Want a bottle of ginger ale?

- Ginger ale?

- Yeah, Pop got a case of it today.

- What's this?

- Well, I might as well tell you,

you'll find out soon enough anyway.

The news seems to have spread all over town.

You know how it is.

You just can't keep a thing like that secret.

- Yeah, especially with a telephone in the house.

- Well, tell me more about it.

- Well, uh, last night, right after you left--

[phone ringing] Oh, uh, pardon me.

There's the telephone.

Hello? PHONE OPERATOR: Mr. Nelson?

- Yes?

PHONE OPERATOR: This is the operator.

- Oh, yes?

- I just talked to long distance,

and we can't seem to reach Mrs. George Nelson in Tenafly, New

Jersey.

- Oh, well, no thank you.

Just cancel the call, please.

- All right, sir.

And congratulations on winning the ginger ale.

- Thank you very much.

- What call did you have canceled?

- Oh, uh, it's really not important.

I can make it again tomorrow.

But, listen, you'll get a kick out of this.

Last night, right after you and Mary Dunkle left,

Thorny came over and he pleaded with me to go bowling with him.

- You went bowling last night?

- Yeah.

I didn't want to, but you know Thorny when he

gets his mind set on something.

- I imagine you put up quite a struggle, too.

- Well, actually, I didn't.

Oh, which reminds me.

Thorny said he saw you and Mary Dunkle come into the alleys

last night.

- Yes, he did.

- Well, how come?

- Well, I just figured it was about time I learned how

to bowl.

- Oh, well, gee.

That's swell, Harriet.

We can go bowling together, have a lot of fun.

It's not too hard to learn, you know.

- And so I hear.

- And, uh, if you don't mind I bragging a little,

you'll be bowling with last night's high score man.

That's how come we got the ginger ale.

- For what?

- Well, the man from Monaghan just brought it over

about a half hour ago.

You see, they give a prize of a case of ginger

ale to the man who bowls the high score for each night.

- Well, that's wonderful, dear.

Congratulations.

- Oh, thanks.

I think it's kind of a nice idea.

You know, they also give a case of ginger ale

for the lady with a high score.

Who knows?

You may win that some night.

- Do you think so?

- Well, sure.

You never can tell, not right away, of course, but maybe

in a couple of years if you keep bowling.

Oh, say, I want to go and see Gordon Bensfield.

I'll be right back.

- Why don't you just call him on the phone?

- Well, he doesn't have one.

I'll be right back.

- Hello, Mary?

This is Harriet.

Yes, it was fun, wasn't it?

Oh, well, thanks, Mary, but I'm sure it's just beginner's luck.

In fact, that's why I'm calling you.

Whatever you do, don't tell Ozzie about my winning

the case of ginger ale.

It arrived about an hour ago, and he thinks he won it.

"Ozzie and Harriet" will be back in just a moment.

- Hi, Oz.

- Oh, hiya, Thorny.

- I was going to come over after a while

and have a glass of ginger ale with a champ.

- Oh, well, uh, I'm glad you mentioned that, Thorny.

It's been bothering me a little bit.

- Yeah?

- Uh, you remember last night we scurried out

of the bowling alley because Mary Dunkle and Harriet came

in?

- Yeah.

- Well, I understand they bowled a few games after we left.

And I was just wondering, you know,

there is a possibility that this case of ginger ale

was supposed to be for Harriet.

- Well, there's one way of finding out.

Why don't you call the bowling alley and see?

- Well, you see. That's just it.

If I did call them, I'd find out definitely

whether the case was supposed to be for Harriet or for me.

Now, the point of it is I kind of think

that Harriet thinks it was supposed to be for her.

So it would be such a terrible disappointment

if I found out for sure if it were for me, which, of course,

you and I know that it is for me.

- Yeah.

- It'd be such a terrible disappointment for Harriet.

I think maybe we best just let the thing go and status quo--

[mumbling]

- Yeah, well, I can see, Oz, the workings of the legal mind.

- That's what I kind of figured.

- Maybe you're right.

[ending theme]

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Next week, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky--

will be brought to you by Hotpoint Quality Appliances.

Remember, look to Hotpoint for the finest first.

- Before we say good night, I'd like

to show you these beautiful stars.

The manufacturers of the Milky Way chocolate

bars recently conducted a nationwide survey

to select the favorite--

and I tremble as I say the word--

child actors.

At any rate, we're just delighted that our own David

and Ricky received the most votes,

and we're presented with these beautiful gold stars.

David said--

- Gee, thanks.

This is swell.

- And Ricky said--

- Are you sure this is solid gold?

NARRATOR: Mary Dunkle was played by Paula Winslowe.

The delivery man was Herb Vigran.

Don't forget that a completely different episode

of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is heard every Friday night on radio.

Consult your newspaper for time and radio station.