All language subtitles for Rick.and.Morty.S02E04.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

Steve,
I just got a weird e-mail.

Did you buy us airline tickets?

Aw, shoot. It was supposed
to be a surprise.

I wanted to thank you

for letting me live here
all this time,

so I'm treating the family
to a vacation!

Steve, you're so sweet.

- Thanks, uncle Steve!
- Best uncle ever.

Look out, world.

The Smith family
is going to Paris!

Summer: Yeah! Awesome!

Rick, I don't like glowing
rocks in the kitchen trash!

Well, I don't like

your unemployed genes
in my grandchildren, Jerry,

but life is made
of little concessions.

| __ you know what?

You're gonna land
on your feet, jer.

Some company out there's
gonna thank their lucky stars

they hired my little brother.

Who the fuck are you?

My goofy brother, Steve.

He's been
living here almost a year now.

Are you losing your mind?

Hey, someone's been spending

too much time
around glowing rocks.

Am I right?

- Oh, my god!
- Call an ambulance!

Jerry: Oh, god! Steve!

What the hell, Rick?!
What the hell?!

Will everybody just relax
for a second?

There's no such thing
as an "uncle Steve."

That is an alien parasite.

But I've known him
my whole life.

No, you haven't, Jerry.

These telepathic
little bastards,

they embed themselves
in memories,

and th-then they use
those to multiply

and spread out,
take over planets.

It's... it's disgusting.

Steve wasn't real?

He's a real piece of shit.

This is a big one.
Somebody probably

tracked it in last week
on the bottom of their shoe

on a piece of alien fruit.

- Someone?
- Get off the high road, summer.

We all got pink eye

because you won't stop
texting on the toilet.

But uncle Steve taught me
how to ride a bike!

No, "Steve" put that memory
in your brain

so he could live in your house,
eat yourfood, and multiply.

We could be infested
with these things.

So we got to keep an eye out

for any zany, wacky
characters that pop up.

Ooh, whee!

Whatever you want, Rick!
We're here to help!

Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole.

I always could count on you.

N“

N“

All right. There's six of us,
and that's it.

Me, morty, Jerry, Beth,
Mr. Poopybutthole, and summer.

Maybe you got the first one
in time, Rick!

Can't afford to chance it.

Dad, why does our house
have blast shields?

Trust me, Beth,
you don't want to know

how many answers
that question has.

Ooh, gosh,
it feels claustrophobic!

Reminds me of that time

we all got stuck
in the elevator together.

Y—- remember that?
After "the hulk" musical?

Jerry, buttons don't work better
if you hit them harder,

and foam fists
don't make you strong.

I know. Friends make you strong.

I watched
the same musical you did.

Why couldn't I bring
my portal gun?

Why did all the drinks
have to be extra large?

Oh, the hulk. I just got that.

Just pee your pants. I did it
the minute we got stuck.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, shame me.

At least when I'm disgusting,
it's on purpose.

Oh, y'all, we're gonna be fine.

I've always been here for
you guys, and I always will be.

Somebody call for repairs?

All: Yay! Cousin Nicky!

It's me, cousin Nicky.

I'm walkin' here!
I mean, I'm not.

I'm crouched
in the elevator shaft,

but hey, I'm walkin' here!

It's true.

We really do get into some
crazy situations as a family,

mostly when
we're cooped up like this.

Hey, maybe
Mr. Poopypants is right.

L-Let's get some fresh air.

Come on, cousin Nicky.
You heard Rick.

We have to stay quarantined

until we know that there's
no more of these things.

I hear you, morty.

Back in Brooklyn,
we got a sayin'...

"We're walkin' here!"

Nicky, get...

Oh! [Gasdsi

What the...?

Cousin Nicky was a parasite?!

Six, morty! There's supposed
to be six of us!

If there's seven, then
that means somebody's not real.

But how did you know
it was Nicky?

I guessed. That's why I
aimed for his shoulder.

So we can't trust
any of our memories now?

Nicky was the reason we found
that old Nazi submarine.

Did that not even happen?

Well, of course it happened.

Now that I possess
the mighty staff of rah-gubaba,

the world will tremble
before the fourth reich!

This is the last time

I ask youfor help
on my history final, Rick.

Hey, we got a word for Nazis
back in Brooklyn, pal.

I'm comfortable being
called a Nazi.

You think there's some other
word that will hurt my feelings?

Yeah. Think before
you talk shit.

Rah-gubaba,
help me kill america!

All: Mr. Beauregard!

After due consideration,
I have elected not to retire.

- All: Yeah!
- Oh, thank god!

Now, I believe someone
has a final exam to attend.

Set a course
for morty's high school.

Perhaps I'm biased, but if
that story never happened,

then I wouldn't still be
the family Butler.

Dare to dream.

Wait.

And if Mr. Beauregard
wasn't our Butler,

it's safe to say the family'd be
in a he/lof a lot of trouble.

No! Don't flashback!

You're just gonna make
more swelling.

- Don't worry, Jerry.
- Just relax.

We called the fire department.

You know they won't
come here anymore.

Marmalade is served.

- Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, whee!

I guess I take back what I said
about British cuisine.

Take that, summer!

We're trying to sleep.

I don't want
to go to the dance alone.

Mr. Beauregard:
Then perhaps you shouldn't.

Aww. Mr. Beauregard.

- Shall we, master morty?
- We shall.

Oh, wait,
don't leave without letting

photography raptor
take a picture.

Everybody stop remembering!

These parasites
are like bed bugs,

and every flashback
is another mattress. Look!

There's only supposed to be
six people in this house.

But there's always been 10.

No!

Uh, the fact
that I wrote this number down

means that
there's four parasites.

You sure about that, Rick?

Begging your pardon,
master Rick,

but I seem to recall
a great deal of confusion

surrounding that number.

All right, there's six of us.

And that's it.

Me, morty, Jerry,
Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole,

Frankenstein, sleepy Gary,
photography raptor,

Mr. Beauregard, and summer.

Uh, dad, that's like 10 people.

6, 10, what's the difference?

I just love the number 6
for no reason!

Where's my pencil at?

Here, Rick! Use me!

Oh, thanks, pencilvester!

Yeah, h g...
I guess that is what happened,

but I-I don't get
why I would do that.

Everybody makes mistakes, Rick.

Why do you think
I have one of these?

That's it. Photos.

Hard evidence.

You're not in any of my photos,
Mr. Poopybutthole.

Well, what do you know
about this?

You're not in any of mine.

All I have are pictures of me
and my friends from school.

What? What teenage girl
has pictures of her family?

It's not like we're
mormon or dying.

I will admit it's suspicious
that summer's only friend

is a magic ballerina lamb
that we've never seen.

Summer!

Tinkles!

It's past my bedtime.
I giggles I

not in never past bedtime land!

Here we go!

J” summer and tinkles j”

j” friends with each other j”

j” living in
never past bedtime land j”

j” no kitchen sinkles j”

j” no little brother j”

j” going to raves
and waving our hands j”

[rapping I
j” summer and tinkle, friends to the end j”

j” group text the whole crew,
my motherfuckin' friends! J”

j” ketchup to the salt,
salt to the fry j”

j” "t" to the "inkle"
with a capital "I" j”

ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

- — Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
- Summer, we're trying to sleep.

It was tinkles!

Tinkles?

- That is su...
- _ suspicious.

We're always hearing about
this tinkles character,

- but we never get to...
- Hi, everybody.

I'm tinkles,
and these are my friends.

See, everyone? Tinkles is real.

That means so am I.

- Sorry, summer.
- Man, I'm sorry, summer.

I was on the wrong side
of the pitchfork on this one.

Okay, look, we shouldn't need
evidence or logic

to know who's family
and who isn't.

I know who the smiths are.

I've known Beth
since high school.

And her husband, sleepy Gary,

is hands down
my absolute best friend.

Thanks, Jerry.

Beyond that,
no offense to any of you,

but all bets are off.

Look, I'm not used to being
this unsure for this long.

I'm just gonna aim for shoulders
starting with the weird girl.

Aah!

- Grandpa Rick!
- Hold still, "summer."

Rick, that is my daughter.

Oh, yeah? Well, what if you just
think that, sleepy Gary?

I've known you for 15 years.
Don't make me hurt you.

Rick, these are
our family and friends,

the people we barbecue with.

Have you forgotten the barbecue?

Wait,
why would you want me to -...

You're one of them, aren't you?

Rick. You love
those barbecues, Rick.

You love them. Hai!

Remember it, Rick?

Shut up, hamurai!
Shut up, amish cyborg!

What is this? '903 conan?

All: Remember the barbecue.

Remember the barbecue.

Remember the barbecue.

You know what, pencilvester?

It took me my whole life
to realize it,

but I love barbecuing.

- You're good at it, Rick.
- Watch me, baby.

I'm like Tom Cruise from,
um, "cuisine"

or w-whatever that movie's
called where he makes drinks.

Yeah, check me out.

I'm like Tom Cruise
from "cuisine."

Yeah.

Is that what it's called?
"Cuisine"?

Wow! Hey, everybody.

Let's give it up
for the grillmaster Rick!

Rick! Rick! Rick!

Wait.

Noooooo!

Shoot. Now look.

It's like
a "where's Waldo?" Page.

Can you find me?

Check out
all these zany characters.

We'll be right back
after these messages.

I think
you should put down the gun

and we should get you
to a doctor.

What do you say we take down
these blast shields?

- All: Yeah.
- I can't do that, sleepy Gary.

All right,
everybody listen to me.

I don't know
if any of you guys are real,

but this house has been infested
with fake loved ones

that spread
through fake memories,

and our planet will be destroyed
if they get out.

But, Rick,
even you have to admit

you do tend
to overreact to stuff.

You guys, we got to hurry.

I just got back from Walmart.

They're selling Nintendo 3ds
systems for $149.99 on sale,

plus every time you buy one,
you get a $50 gift card.

Brings the total price down
to $110 after tax.

Now, listen, we can flip
those sons of bitches

for 230 bucks apiece easy!

They're all limited-edition
"Zelda" ones.

Hurry! Hurry! Come with me!

We can be rich,
and we also all get to keep one

and we can play Nintendo games!

Nintendo, give me free stuff.

Okay, yes, I definitely
remember doing that,

but also, I would never do that.

Don't overreact, Rick.

Sleepy Gary, a word?
Sure, Jerry.

Rick, keep a level head, okay?

'Cause I'll tell you a secret
about Frankenstein —-

he's actually
Frankenstein's monster.

Sleepy Gary, m-my head is filled

with memories of our friendship.

I'm convinced
that you're Beth's husband

and I'm your friend,

but if those memories
can't be trusted, then...

Jerry, just say it.

Sleepy Gary,
how do we know /'/77 real?

Jesus, Jerry.

No, you're real.

Hey, look at me.

Now, I don't know
which way is up out there,

but I know us,
and you're real, Jerry.

Remember our vacation?

They're filming that new "star
wars" movie down the coast.

Should we check it out?

Sure. Why not?

Maybe we'll see Chewbacca.

I'd like that.

What are we doing?

I don't give a damn
what else happens out there.

You and I
are going to survive this.

Okay.

Hey, we agreed.

Never in the house.

That's a cool watch there, Rick.

Can I check it out?

Uh, no thank...

Okay.

Trying to figure out

how to lower
the blast shields, huh?

Anybody here
think it's suspicious

that a lot of people in here
can't wait to get outof here?

Ah, you're paranoid, Rick.
You've been paranoid since 'nam.

So, what are you gonna do

when you rotate back
to the world, Frankenstein?

Shi-i-i-i-t. I'MMA bust a...

No!
Get out of my head, parasite!

- No!
- Drop it.

Give me the gun, Frankenstein!

Give it back!

Yeah!

Frankenstein!

Is anyone here even real?

Am I the only real person
on earth?!

Reverse giraffe: Maybe.

Or maybe, just maybe,
we're all real.

You know me.
I'm reverse giraffe.

I have a short neck and legs.

I went to college
with hamurai. Hai!

I saved ghost in a jar's
life in Vietnam.

Boo rah!
And, Beth, how many times

have I been a shoulder
for you to cry on?

Too many.

Okay,
so maybe we're just all fake.

That don't make no sense!

Or maybe there's only one
deceiver here...

The person that keeps telling us

the path to salvation
is being held prisoner

and mistrusting each other.

Hey, don't blame me!

I tried to shoot summer
10 minutes ago!

I know we all have
beloved memories of Rick,

but are we really
supposed to believe

that a mad scientist inventor
with a flying car

just showed up on our doorstep
after being gone for years?

Yeah, you know, he does have

a lot of really weird,
made-up sounding catchphrases.

Wubba iubba dub dub!

Ricky ticky tavi, beyotch!

And that's the wa-a-a-a-y
the news goes.

Hit the sack, Jack.

Uh-oh! Somersault jump.

Aids!

And that's why I always say
shum shum shlippedy dop!

Grassss tastes bad-ah.

No jumpin' in the sewer.

Burger time!

Rubber baby baby bunkers!

Lick, lick, lick my balls!

Yeah!

Say that all the time.

That's a fake-ass catchphrase
right there.

Yeah, don't forget
his incredibly vague back story.

Beth, I'm your father!

Oh, are you, dad? Are you?

Rick, if you want
to prove you're real,

just do what any of the rest
of us would do and...

And... and open
the blast shields

and let us the hell out of here!

Why don't you make me,
implausibly naive pubescent boy

with an old Jewish
comedy writer's name?

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Woman: In your face!

Give me the gun.

I'm not doing this
in front of pencilvester.

Bring him to the garage.

You listen to me, you
son of a bitch parasite scum.

We could either do this
the easy way or the hard way.

You know, y-y-y...
Do you want to live?

Then open
the blast shield doors.

Shut up, morty,
you brainwashed, little turd

that might not even be real
because I'm brainwashed, too.

You know, Rick,
this isn't easy for us.

You know, w-we all remember
you as a friend.

Oh, oh, oh, really?

Well, I remember you as a whiny,
little piece of shit, morty!

- Oh... oh, yeah?
- Yeah!

I've got
about a thousand memories

of your dumb, little ass and
about six of them are pleasant.

The rest is annoying garbage.

So why don't you do us both
a favor and pull the trigger?

Do it! Do it, motherfucker!

Pull the fucking trigger!

Oh, wow.

Baby wizard was a parasite?

He set me up with my wife.

What the hell?

I figured it out, Rick!

The parasites can only create
pleasant memories.

I know you're real

because I have a ton
of bad memories with you!

J” these memories that we have j”

j” these memories
that we Cherish j”

j” I wish that we can go
back to that time j”

j” ooh, ooh, ooh j”

holy crap, morty, you're right.

Is... is... isn't that what you were trying
to make me understand by yelling at me?

Well, yeah, duh-doy.

T-Took you long enough.

Rick: Now let's go, morty.

We got a lot of friends
and family to exterminate.

Everybody remain calm! This is
gonna take some explaining.

We need to kill everyone that
we can only remember fondly.

Who's got a bad memory
about Mrs. Refrigerator?

I-I-I—I —- everyone has
bad memories of me.

You remember that one time?

Ooh, man,
we couldn't stop screaming.

Uh, roller coasters aren't bad,
Mrs. Refrigerator.

They're thrilling.

And you've been a perfect
companion to me my entire life.

The jig is up!

Get me out of here.

Get me out of here!

Aah!

Oh shit!

Everybody back!
If you're not a parasite,

you have nothing to fear.
So what about summer?

Why am I always your go-to?

- Never go in my room again.
- — I didn't!

She's real.

She's my bitch of a sister.

Nice.

J”j”

mom, are you driving me to...

Hmm? Yeah, yeah, yes. What time?

Oh, my god. Are you drunk?

What are you?

- My wife coach?
- Your what?

- — Oh! God!
- Oh. Oh, my gosh.

- Oh! God! Mom!
- Sweetheart, are you okay?

I didn't mean to...

I'm gonna have a bruise!
It's picture day!

It's not... don't overreact.
I can clean it up.

I want the police to take me!

Morty, give a gun to the lady

that got pregnant with me
too early

and constantly makes it
our problem.

Thank you, sweetie.

Beth, Beth, please!

I thought it was too
good to be true

that we'd have
compatible kidneys.

Come on, man.

Haven't we ever had
an uncomfortable silence

or an awkward fart
on a road trip?

Come on, pencilvester.
Give me anything.

Rick, I'm pencilvester.

Listen to that name.
You can't kill me.

You're right.

Kill pencilvester.

Summer, I've always loved you!

Yep.

Oh, my god!

I-I—I thought you went
to a concert!

We forgot the tickets!
Why in the kitchen?!

I do it everywhere!
Stop shaming me!

You're not the victim here!

I hate you, and I was thinking
about your friend grace!

Aaaaaah!

Ah. Master Rick.

Remember when you weren't
going to shoot me?

I guess /did the Butler! Ha ha!

Does —- d-does that scan?

Oh, I-I get it.

It's a play
on "the Butler did it."

Thanks, ghost in a jar.

You always were good at pointing
out potentially obscure comedy.

You got to hide me, sleepy Gary.

Don't worry. I have a plan.

If we can get to my boat,
there's a...

No. No!

Just send me to Gary.
I want to be with Gary.

Oh, god.

Whoa. What the hell?

Look out for that homeless guy!

Open the door!
Open the door! Open the door!

There isn't time! Just run!

Get out here and help me!

They say you shouldn't do that!
Just run!

Ugh. Sorry, Jerry. You're real.

[Crying I I'm a parasite!

Yeah, but you're real.

Uh, uh, I need time
to forget about sleepy Gary.

Me, too.

Rick:
From now on, let's all be careful

to wash our hands when
we get back from outer space.

That goes for everyone.

This is depressing.

We killed every good
person in the house.

We 're what's left?
What a family.

At least we're real, Jerry.

We're real. Ricky ticky tavi!

Ooh, whee! Amen to that.

Now, this little poopypants
is hungry.

Will somebody
pass me a pork chop?

Huh.

I-Is... is something wrong,
Beth?

Ow!

Oh, my god!

Rick: No, Beth! Oh fuck!

Wait, but I...

- — Oh, Beth! Why?!
- I need an ambulance!

There's been a shooting.
My wife shot...

Uh, my... my wife shot
a long-time family friend.

Why?

Oh, my god, oh, my god,
oh, my god, Mr. Poopybutthole.

- I-I thought -—
- Keep breathing!

- Oh, god. What's happening?
- Look at me!

Look at me!
Don't -— don't fall asleep!

Is... is this what
bleeding to death is?

Oh, whee. Is this how I die?

Oh, geez! Oh, my god!

Why would you do this? Beth.

It's not supposed to hurt.

I-I thought...

Ooh, whee.

J”j”

Oh, he... he's looking
a lot better.

Rick:
Listen, Beth, don't torture yourself.

I made a similar mistake
years ago,

but, you know,
on a planetary scale.

Is, um, is he mad at me?

He's not pressing charges.

I mean, that's got to be
the "you shot me" equivalent

of not being mad.

Can he have visitors?

He'd like to be alone.

He told me
to tell you he's sorry

you didn't have bad
memories of him?

If you love him,
you should leave.

And that's the wa-a-a-a-y
the news goes.

Man: Did you get any of that?

Man: It's-a good show-a.