Original subtitles

Look at this crap.

they built him a nursery

right across from my desk.

It's like they're trying to taunt me.

Oh, don't look at me you little wretch.

Don't copy me!

Oh!

Oh, I'm serious.

One wrong move and you're dead, pal!

Don't copy me!

Aww! It's nice to see you two bonding, Gar.

"Bonding"? Are you serious, Leslie?

Ok, hold on.

Lemme just roll up some cardboard here...

draw a little star on it.

There ya go!

You can pop that on,

'cause you just got named dunce of the year!

Where'd you get all these art supplies from? This is fun!

A store, Leslie!

I craft!

Now, what do you want?

Ah well we’re all signing a birthday card for Kavya,

so unless this somehow hurts your feelings, too...

A card for who?

Who's Kavya?

Worked here for 20 years.

She passes you your sword.

What do you mean she passes me my sword?

Through your ensorcelled door, Gary.

On your, On your back.

I mean, where do you think your sword comes from?

I...I don’t know. I mean, I reach behind me and it’s there...

when I need it.

Right, yes,

because you’re reaching through your ensorcelled door,

and Kavya is sitting in her office,

waiting to hand it to you.

Gary!

Oh my Gosh, I’ve never seen you from the front before.

Hi!

- See? Hi...! - Wow!

Ohh!

Oh my go-- Hey, get out of there!

He's just, he’s just learning about his ensorcelled door.

This is such a breach!

Of everything.

Why did I not know about this?!

There's a manual if you're curious, Gary.

You can learn all about your ensorcelled door--

Stop using that term.

Kavya, I fucking hate that term.

That... That's a rule for everyone.

That word? "Ensorcelled"?

That's out.

Okay? This is a place of work.

Not a... store at the mall where they sell ceramic dragons.

Aww, look at him go!

Hey! Get outta there!

He's so cute!

Oh, god, he's neither in nor out.

He's in me!

Noo!

Hi, uh...?

Gary, from the Demon Ministry.

We spoke earlier?

Oh, hi yes.

Gary!

I'm Chuanne, but my friends call me Anne.

Hello, Anne.

Oh...!

Not sure we're quite there yet.

Might need you to call me Chuanne.

Chuanne it is.

So, what is the deal?

- You got a demon problem? - That's right.

Here at The Forst of Despair National Park

We're home to a wide variety of depressed, non-threatening demons.

We've got draugs that can't rest in peace,

abandoned familiars,

and a couple of kappas that have lost the liquid from the dish on their head.

- Uh huh... - There's also this one guy

who's just a big head...

- with arms. -"...big head with arms."

Alright. And now what?

They've snapped and started killing people?

Worse.

They've started creeping into campsites

and stealing food from people's coolers!

Christ, that doesn't sound worse--

Oh! there's one now!

Okay, well, thank god you called in the Chosen One to deal with this.

You need backup?

No, I think I got this Chuanne.

Okay. Good luck. And you know what?

You can call me Anne.

Oh my god.

Alright, let's see what we got here...

- Eggs, bacon... - Hey there.

- What's uh... what's going on? - Oh!

Hey, uh... I, I was... heh...I...

I’m sorry man. I know I’m not supposed to be here.

We’re going to have to fight now aren’t we?

Nope. Not if you don’t want to.

Ok, one sec. Here we go.

- Okay, yeah, yep. - Alright.

Okay... yeah, yup.

Oh, it's o-...c'mon.

It's fine.

Come on, it's fine.

It's fine.

Hey, hey! Are you crying?

- C'mon... - No, I... no!

Okay,

- I'm not. - Alright.

- Just... - You know what?

Have a seat, c'mon, sit down, sit down.

Okay...

What's... what's wrong?

I'm a night hag, right?

I sit on people's chests and I give 'em nightmares.

The other night,

sitting on this guy's chest,

and I'm like...

"What's the point of this?

Is this all life is?"

Just giving some dude dreams where his legs are heavy and he can't run?

Or, a dream where he's sleeping with a beautiful woman,

Psych! It's his dad!

And now he's gonna suck his dad.

- Okay... - It's like, who cares?

Know what I mean?

- Sort of. - Anyway.

Eventually, this guy I'm sitting on wakes up.

He's like "Who are you?"

And I'm like...

Great question.

God I'm just putting all of this on you.

Look, let's just get back to fighting.

It was really nice that you let me do this, but...

Okay, c'mon. You're not even...

You're... you're swinging so far from me.

Can I tell you something that might make you feel better?

To be honest, I'm feeling pretty lost, too.

I hate my job.

Coworkers suck.

I don't have anyone.

I guess I just, when, when you said "What's the point?"

Honey, I felt that.

Umm...?

Is there any chance

the two of you could have this conversation elsewhere?

- Wow. - Wow.

Woooow.

If that ain't just the world telling you your feelings don't matter, eh?

Yeah, amen brother.

- Yeah. - I'll drink to that.

What are we drinking?

I mean, a lot of chocolate milk.

Oh, hell yeah, what else we got in here?

Right, uh, no I'm so sorry, ma'am.

We're just a little overwhelmed right now.

Have you tried answering one of the demon's sick riddles?

Stairs, stairs, stairs!

Every time you answer one

there's another and it's even sicker than the last?

- Right... - Hey!

I got one, Les!

Hanley, you've been out all morning and that's the only demon you've captured?!

Well, I'm sorry, but at least I got one!

And did you?

Oh no! The Cuffs are on me, now!

Think. Wink. Blink!

Oh, god...!

Oh, God, she's got my gun!

Woah!

Wow!

Gah! Where the hell is Gary?!

Life starts out so good, y'know?

You're just like a bright-eyed little familiar, serving a witch

who lets you do her bidding, and...

feeds you from the mystery teat on her back

Or wherever.

Or wherever, yeah. The teat could be wherever.

Could be... anywhere, y'know?

But then one day she dies, and you're just like...

Wait... what do I do now?

- Feel lost. - That is exactly what it feels like.

Oh, I hear that, I hear that, yeah...

This world is just so messed!

I mean, for me it started a couple years back.

I'm about to scare this kid, right?

Got my jaw unhinged,

I'm bugging my eyes right out.

Y'know, really my A stuff.

I'm. Getting. Nothin'.

You know what she says to me?

She's like...

"That's not scary.

This...

is scary.?

- Oh fuuuuck... - Oh, man...

- Heh. - Yup.

And I'm like, forget scaring people.

I'm scared. You know what I mean?

I don't sleep at night.

Amen to that, brother.

It's, it's hell out there.

I'm going to say something, and...

call me a fricken dodo if this sounds stupid, but--

- No, this is a safe space - Absolutely.

We're all we got!

- How about that? - Oh man...

- We're all we got. - Chosen family.

- That's nice. - Chosen family.

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

On that note!

Should we...?

Wail in grief for a bit?

- What have we got here? - There's some good pickin's today.

There they are!

Oh, for Pete's sake! Gary, what are you doing?

Huh? Oh, it's you.

Get lost, Leslie. I'm eating!

Where have you been the past week?

There is a demon crises,

and Hanley is severely overwhelmed!

Aw, don't worry about me, Gar. I'm good!

Oh, oh god...

Oh, boo hoo! Coughing up blood!

I don't care Leslie, I'm not going back!

I got a new crew now. We support each other.

We wail in grief.

We eat grubs.

And when we get sick of eating grubs,

We raid coolers 'cause we don't give a freakin' crap.

Those coolers belong to our guests!

How would you like it if somebody raided your cooler?

My whole life is a cooler that people have been raiding for 45 years, Anne.

You don't get to call me Anne!

It's Chuanne! We are not friends!

Oh, I know we're not.

But I'm going to call you Anne, anyway,

'cause you don't get to tell me what to do!

Aaaaaannnnnneeee!

Okay. Hanley?

Please forgive me for this, Gary!

Hey, ah!

Whooo, how dare you, Hanley!

You are gonna, mmmm!

Sword make me better!

Sword!

Where's my sword?!

Kavya is not handing you your sword until you are of sound mind again.

Give me that sword Kavya!

Oh! Ummm...

Oooh, fine. I don't need it.

Demons!

Wuh?

Gah!

Gary! Get me outta here!

You did it to yourself, Hanley!

C'mon, guys. Let's just grab these coolers and go!

Oh no you don't!

Ahh!

Alright, let's just get these other ones.

- Huh? - Aah!

Leslie!

You don't have enough darts in the world

to bring me down, Leslie!

Ohhh no...

Ugh no, no, no, no...

Run!

Ugh!

Guys no! Don't leave me!

Night Haaaaaggg!

Oof!

Aww, cutiepie.

Got you, Leslie, I'm fucking back!

- Hya! Hya! - Ack! No!

Okay...

Ugh...

Ooh, don't tell anyone I tranked his brain.

Hey I'm gonna go grab a coffee, Gar, uh...

You need anything?

I'll just get ya somethin'.

Can I help you?

Peace...

You're offering me peace?

Is that it?

Well, that's a nice offer...

book.

But, uh...

I think I'm gonna pass. Thanks.

Huh...

Peace...

Hey, hey!

Let go of that!

You get outta here!

Sorry in advance, they only had rooibos.

Woah, what's goin' on here?!

I don't know, it's an evil book that tried to take my soul, probably.

Which is nobody's business but mine!

Do you hear me?

We got a special vault for bad books like you!

No, no! Get away from my crafting material!

You don't get to use those!

This is mine! Mine! This is all my stuff.

My stuff!

Where is he?

No!