Original subtitles

You are about to witness

a great moment in demon history.

Soon the seventh gem of Ortosh shall be mine,

and the ancients shall be awoken at last!

Well you better hope that gem gets here before Gary does, pal,

because he’s about to tear you a new a-hole!

Ha! If you knew anything about my kind,

you'd know I have four a-holes already,

and not where you'd expect them.

Let’s just say when I go to the bathroom, it’s messy, and it is fast.

Hey! Watch it!

Ugh, okay...

Alright, sorry I'm late, Hanley.

Uh, who do I kill?

I am Raval,

Gleaner of the Ortosh Gems,

Arbiter of Zu-Lon-Ra

Oh my god, no.

No, no time for that, man. I'm so sorry.

I've got four other demons to kill today.

So, should I start with minions?

Minions!

I actually call them "Acolytes," alright?

Acolytes!

Good, good, good, let's go, let's go!

Booj, booj, boojbooj!

If we could all line up?

Sort of, yeah, shoulder to shoulder? That's good.

- Thank you very much, guys. - No! No, don't line up!

Hyuuup!

Argh!

Dartsman of the Southern Swamps!

Advance!

Good stuff. Alright, thank you for hurrying, everyone!

- Up here, up here! - No, no, don't...!

No, don't shoot them!

Shit!

That’s why you don’t hire from the Southern Swamps.

Alright, Is that it? Is that everyone?

You've won this round, Chosen One!

But when the seventh gem is mine--!

Oh shoot yeah, sorry.

No, I got this from a guy on the way here.

- is that the gem?! - Yeah.

Put that in, whatever you need to do, let's go.

You're just, you're just giving me the gem?

Yeah, I don't have time to com back later,

like I said, very busy.

So if you could just raise the guys right now, we can get it all over with.

But do you--? I mean, you don't understand.

If I raise the ancients--

- Oh my god. Ok. - Then, then...

- Give it back to me. - No, wait--

- No, you lost your chance. Here we go! - What--?

- And, booj. - Don't, don't, no!

Who awakens the Ancients--?

- Ok, let's go, let's go! - Wait a second--!

Take it easy, man, we just woke up!

- Shit! - We need to stretch!

We need to stretch!

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Oh, I think I pulled a quad! My quad!

Dooj! Dooj! Dooj!

Oh...

I've wasted my life.

Hey. Come on.

I’m sure you’ve got a good life outside of this. And--

Nope. I'm single.

No kids.

It’s been all Ortosh and Zu-lon-ra.

And I've got these four a-holes.

I know I was selling it as this great thing, but...

it's too many.

So, as we all know,

the thousand year anniversary of the last, great human demon war is approaching

and demon activity is on the rise.

Unfortunately, we don't have the funding

to hire any new staff right now,

but we have managed to take on some interns,

including Mudge, here. Say hello, Mudge.

Hi! Mudge here. Thank you, Leslie.

Yea, I'm just here to do whatever you need me to do.

I can get you some coffee. I can do a spell.

I am just here to help.

Yo, Mudge.

Is there like a spell that could bring back a TV show

that was cancelled way too early?

Uh, maybe! Uh...

Like, what are we thinking here, like um...

NBC's Animal Practice?

NBC's Animal Practice!

That's exactly what I'm thinking!

- I knew it! - Hell yeah, Mudge!

Is that a real show?

Yeah, bro! Picture this...

these veterinarians are great with animals, right?

But when it comes to human relationships?

- That's another story. - Ok...

No, no, Marito, nobody’s reviving any old shows.

This is a crisis, people!

We need all hands on deck, here.

Obviously...

Tucker could’ve handled this increased workload,

But... he is still in a coma.

And, until he wakes up,

Gary's our guy.

So, let's all pull together and help Gary as much as we can.

Okay, folks?

Hey, yeah. Well said, Leslie.

Can I ask you somethin' real quick?

Is it necessary to have Tucker in here?

Well, Marito said that it's good to talk to someone in a coma.

Woah, I said it might be.

I'm just taking a guess.

A lot of a doctor's job is guessing.

Ok. Cool. Yeah.

'Cause it kinda feels like

you're just rubbing my face in the fact that Tucker's perfect

and I'll never live up to his supreme example.

Well, that's not what we're doing, Gary.

Isn't it?

'Cause, believe it or not, Leslie,

I want him to wake up, too!

I mean as long as he's in that coma, I'm stuck doing this fucking job!

So, you know what? Why don't I just give him my sword...

No, Gary--

- let's send him out there. - Gary!

Oh yeah, look at him go now!

He looks fit as a fiddle!

Sword make him better!

- Hey! Sword make him better! - Gary, put his arm down.

Stop it, Gary!

- Gary handles twelve demons a day, - Quit handling him!

- that'd be nothin' for old Tucker! - Gary, enough!

Here we go, Tucker!

Oh, shit, oh...

- what the fuck?! - Oh yeah...

That's normal. I hope.

Okay, we've just got four more

demon reports to respond to

and then we can drop these felons off at the ministry for processing,

and...

do it all again this afternoon!

Oh my god!

Hey, c'mon, Gar.

Chin up, right?

Listen, I know you're feeling down right now, but...

as the inventor of the Lazy Susan said,

things willl...

turn around. He he he!

You just, yeah, you just gotta have hope.

Hope?

Interesting.

What have I told you, Hanley?

To stop comparing our friends to Broadway musicals?

'Cause you were being a real Wicked when you said that!

- Shut up! - Ow!

Leslie said you can't do that, anymore!

Leslie's not here!

Now, what have I told you about hope?

"Life is a river of shit, and...

if you open your mouth to call for help

"you get...?"

"a mouthful."

"a mouthful of shit."

"of shit," that's right.

Amen to that, brother.

This world is...

It's not what it used to be, you know?

Like, I'm a Boogey Man, right?

I scare kids.

But nowadays,

when I hide in a kids closet making spooky sounds...

they don't even notice

They're on their phones.

Scrolling, liking...

♪GimmeABreak, you know what I mean?

And, and, and they're all depressed!

Y'know? We're not talking about that enough.

It's not making them happier.

You know what the real Boogey Man is?

Nowadays? In my opinion?

- Social media. - Okay.

That's enough, man.

Hanley, I thought we gagged this guy.

On it, Gar.

Look, Gary, my feeling is things never stay bad forever.

Rainy days still brings a rainbow, right?

Here we go, done.

Nice job, man.

Ow! Same cheek!

Oh come on!

Get back in the car, buddy!

Eat shit Pig. Creepy Crawlies, go!

No, no, no, no!

Argh! Ow, c'mon!

Is this the rainbow, Hanley?

Oh, God...

Or is this more rainy day?

It's so hard to tell sometimes, you know what I mean?

So you can see,

the ministry is a well-oiled machine

that exists to keep you safe.

Not unlike Gargnel here.

Children.

Be welcomed.

Let's keep going, everyone.

This is fun!

Let's go, c'mon.

Are you sure that Leslie said that this was okay?

Yeah, whatever you need to hear.

I feel like we're being bad aren't we?

- We got like five minutes, tops, my man. - Right, okay.

So, yeah, I know exactly what I'm doing.

Okay, so what we're gonna do here is actually pretty advanced.

I'm actually excited to try it out

with you watching.

I don't need every detail,

- I just need us to move. - Alright, there we go.

These spell-bugs should be able to locate the injury--

there we go, baby get in there--

and patch things up.

He's gonna have just the most gorgeous,

kinda smooth brain after they're done.

Yeah, good. Well not "smooth."

Not smooth. No, that's good.

Wrinkle, I'll keep in some of the wrinkles in there.

Keep all the wrinkles.

Just get him out of his coma.

- I thought you said they could do that! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay... lookin' good.

Yes, that's nice.

And I have lost them.

- You what?! - The bugs broke free of my control.

Eek, eek, eek, eek, eek.

Best-case-scenario, they just kinda crawl back out through his nose.

What is the worst-case-scenario?

Oh god!

We have control of the vessel.

Oh...

We will not release him until our demands are met!

Oh god!

We require, argh!

Kiwi Lumps!

- Oh, shoot, yeah. - What the hell?

I took the bugs on a trip to New Zealand last year

and they got pretty hooked on a local candy called Kiwi Lumps.

It's... what it sounds like.

It's kiwi-flavored-goo, covered in chocolate

in the form of a lump.

It's pretty tasty.

I don't, I truly do not care about that.

- I just, get them out of his brain. - Lumps?

- Now, please. - Lumps!

Okay, it's just, yeah...

It's harder to get them under control once they're unified like this.

Oh, hey Gary. What's going on?

Lumps!

Come back!

You! do a spell to wipe his memory or something

Yeah, I got it.

Heeere come the bugs!

No, not the bugs!

- No? Well, that's kind of what I have. - Wait, wait, wait...

Okay, everyone!

Let's do a quick photo.

Everyone say "we trust you!" on three...

One, two--

Lumps!

Don't worry, kids! He will not hurt you!

Or, I don't actually know. He might hurt you. Run!

Run! He might hurt you!

No pictures! No Pictures!

Gargnel, start printing NDAs.

Gary, what is this?

- He's fine! - Lumps!

Tucker's not being controlled by bugs

that want a weird foreign candy I've never heard of!

- What?! - He's not, he's not!

That is not what's happening!

Lumps!

Oh fuck, oh go- ok Gargnell - launch your net!

- I do not have a: net. - Lumps!

- Okay, well, use the next best thing, man! - Lumps! The lumps!

- Searching for: next best thing. - The lumps! The lumps!

- gun. - Lumps!

- Oh, no... - The lumps!

Huh huh huh huh huh!

- Stop him, Gary! - Okay! I got him!

I got him! It's not an issue!

Okay, wait!

Bug Tucker! Bug Tucker!

Okay, halt!

Official ministry business. Select--!

Oh, wow--!

Slow down!

Oh... kay.

Oh, hey buddy...

Ryndok! Ryndok! Ryndok! Ryndok!

Demons!

The human Chosen despairs of this life,

as the Prophecy has foretold.

Soon he shall fall,

and Ryndok shall rise again!

Ryndok! Ryndok! Ryndok!

Ryndok! Okay...

Hey, sorry to interrupt gang,

But the church group next door left a bunch of cookies

if ya wan't 'em, also a few scones.

Minus one, 'cause...

- I ate one (laughing)! - Aw, thank you, Larry!

- Wow! - You're the best, Larry!

No, just-ok, what are you doing?

Ok, let's focus in here.

I'll just leave them right here.

This is the cookie zone.

And just to be clear, Larry. These cookies- I see right through them.

We shall not take your human bribe

When we cull the planet, you too shall be enslaved.

Whatever you need. Whatever you need.

- Prophetess Vale? - Yep?

Motion to spare Larry?

- Oh, that's so nice! - No.

Motion denied, though.

- But, motion denied! - I second that!

- No. - I second that!

Here we go...!

And then I always say "motion denied" to that.

Larry, it's not happening.

Prophetess Vale?

- Yes? - Oh, wait.

Another motion, maybe...

Motion to tell Larry...

Thanks so much for these, Man. These are freaking delicious.

Motion accepted!

No, motion denied!

- So even if he heard it, - Oh, motion denied

It doesn't count.

Motion to hug Larry!

- Hey, you don't need a motion for that - Motion to hug Larry!

You just need to motion yourselves towards me!

- C'mere! - Okay, everyone, fine

Hug Larry and then he's out!

Hug Larry and then he's out.