Original subtitles

Ah, the open sea.

What the fuck am I supposed to do out here?

Ciao, Signor Gary! I'm so happy to see you.

How was your morning, my man?

Pretty dull, Giacomo.

You know, there are many ways to cure boredom.

Have you tried screaming at the football match on the T.V.

with your peers?

Soccer!

Yeah, that's pretty fun, I guess.

Oh, I almost forget, Signor Gary.

There is news from your home.

"Demon Promises Major Carnage Unless Demands are Met."

Oh, my God, that's Fleshler.

I gotta go, Giacomo!

Where? Where you go, Gary?

To deal with unfinished business.

I'm going back where I belong.

I'm sorry, Maria, I didn't see you there.

Oh, my goodness!

I'm sorry, Maria.

Signor Gary!

I didn't mean to scare you.

But it's me, Maria.

I know, I know.

Why you do this to me, Signor Gary?

I'm sorry. I don't know.

You scared me so...

Why you do it?

I'm sorry, like I said...

Why you do it?

It was a misunderstanding.

Why you do it?

It was a misunder...

Why you do it?

Maria, I'm really...

Okay, don't cry. Don't cry.

This is actually a bit much.

Signor Gary, what are you doing!

Don't worry, everyone! Gary's back.

What the hell?

Excuse me, do you have a visitor's pass?

Uh... no.

But I'm Gary, so I probably don't need one.

I was the demon hunter here for 31 years.

It was a record.

Retired less than 12 months ago.

Not ringing any bells?

My face was up on the wall before this whole place

was renovated to look like the inside of Steve Job's...

Steve Jobs...

A white space.

If you don't have a visitor's pass,

you're going to have to leave.

Okay, well, I don't think I...

Hey, easy, all right?

You know what, get your hands off of me.

Is there someone in charge I could talk to?

Intruder! Intruder!

No, I'm not an intruder, Gargnel, I'm Gary.

Please stay still and await punitive measures.

Why does nobody recognize me?

Ow, man! What the hell?

You two are fucking dead.

Hold still.

Heavens! Now, stand down, everyone.

Gary, it's okay.

Leslie, is that you?

This lady wouldn't let me in and Gargnel sprayed my eyes.

I think I'm blind!

Do you have a visitor's pass for him by any chance?

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah, sorry about that, Gar.

The ministry has undergone some changes in the past year.

Oh, but hey, you're looking well.

I like your hair!

It's very... kind of an egg wearing a grass skirt.

Yeah, yeah, okay, enough chitchat, Leslie.

I saw the article about Fleshler.

So just tell me what you know and I'll take care of it.

Oh, no, that won't be necessary. Tucker...

Tucker can't handle him, Les. Trust me.

This is my fight.

This is what my whole life has been leading up to.

Gary, Fleshler is dead.

Uh, ex... Pardon me?

Apparently after you blew him up with your mind,

one of his assistants...

Darvon?

Yeah, well, he collected all the bits of flesh

and sort of built him back up together.

So after Tucker killed him he brought the body here.

No more surprises.

This was supposed to be my big arc.

I'm sorry, what? Your big arc?

My life's purpose.

Fleshler killed Janine, so I killed him, or did I?

And he comes back, we have one final battle,

and maybe he kills me in that battle and I die a hero?

You know, my fucking arc!

Right, okay.

Well, I'm sorry Tucker saved you from... dying.

Is that the part that you're upset about?

No! I'm...

I don't know. Maybe.

Right, well, sorry you get to go back to Italy

with a heart unburdened by revenge.

Sounds tough.

Oh, speak of the devil.

Welcome back, Tucker.

Hey, Les.

Gary!

I didn't know you were here.

Oh, yeah, how's it going, Tucker?

Caught yourself a goblin there, huh?

Yeah, it's a Rumpelstiltskin, no big deal.

He was defrauding a bunch of old folks

down at the retirement home.

It wasn't fraud! It was fair game!

Gold for souls, unless they guessed my name.

His name's not Rumpelstiltskin?

Technically he did change his name to "Roger Brown."

No one would ever guess "Roger Brown."

It's too normal.

Tricky. Very tricky.

Hey, there's my favourite guy!

Hanley!

Oh, hey, Gary. You're here, too.

Wassup, T-Man?

All right.

How's it going, H-Train.

I dunno, still chuggin' along.

Good stuff.

So Gary, what brings you by?

Oh, um... just in the neighbourhood,

thought I'd pop in and see how things are going.

Couldn't be better.

Tuck's been slaying up a storm,

so we've had time to redesign the office.

And he's been super-nice to me,

which is something I didn't know I wanted.

Aw, isn't Hanley just the best?

No, he is not.

Anyways, I'd love to chat more,

but I just got a call about another demon across town.

So I'm gonna go give him some vitamin T.

Better be a double dose.

"T" is for "Tucker."

Yeah, yeah...

Hey, what if I came with, Tuck?

Oh, no, no, no.

I don't think that that's necessary, Gary.

That feels like one of your patented bad ideas.

Hey, I don't mind.

Fighting demons solo is cool,

but there's no substitute for good company.

Aw!

Well said. Well said.

Sweet, let's do it! See ya, Leslie.

Catch ya later, H-Train.

I'll just be waiting at the station.

Trains again.

Let's go. Let's go.

I don't want to hear any more of that.

Choo-choo!

So, Tucker, how's your first year been going?

I know when I started out it was a lot at once, so you know,

it might be nice to have a mentor around?

Oh, man, Gary, that's something I would have taken you up on

for sure in the beginning.

But now I've got the hang of it

so you don't have to worry about me at all.

Oh, cool, cool.

Oh, and hey, did Leslie tell you I killed that Fleshler guy?

She mentioned it, yeah.

Yeah, I thought he'd be super-hard to beat

but he wasn't.

Here we are.

Yeah. Oh.

Okay, Gary, looks like we're dealing with a Drekavac,

a demon from Slavic mythology that's the ghost of...

It's the ghost of an unbaptized child's soul that runs around

begging people to baptize it.

I know. I'll take the demon.

You get the kids to safety.

Oh, Gary, you don't have to...

No, don't argue with me, Tucker. It's Gary time.

Hey, demon!

Baptize me!

No, I will not be doing that.

Yikes. Okay, kids, follow me.

Wow, I'm a bit rusty.

Okay, sword, make me better!

Through the distant night!

I'm the guy who goes...!

And I can't remember all the words!

I'm the best!

There I go. Stuck the landing almost.

Hey, demon...

Oh, cramp.

Holy crap, that's a bad cramp.

You want me in there, Big G? Come on, let me at 'em.

No, Tucker, I got it...

Baptize me!

Baptize me!

Sais, improve me!

Every day I am rising and growing!

Becoming the best me I can be!

I can feel it, my enemy's showing!

That he's frightened of the hero in me!

The hero in me!

Whoa.

Yeah, that was awesome!

Tell your demon friends that this continent is off-limits!

I can't tell them that if you kill me!

Oh, God!

Thanks, Tucker!

Come on, Gary, get in here, bud.

All right.

Really good stuff.

Cheese.

Wow! You know what?

I have never been up here before.

It's like...

It's like an inspirational poster minus all the words.

Yeah, it's like a stock photo.

Yeah.

Yeah, I used to come here sometimes after a long day,

just take in the town.

Hey, man, Tucker, you were amazing out there today.

You, like, super-punched that guy to the moon!

Then he came back down and caused, like,

a lot of property damage, but still, wow.

Well, you know what? I learned from the best.

No, you didn't.

You know, fighting that demon today,

I realized I really am done with this.

I think I'm actually ready to move on with the

rest of my life, so, uh... I want you to have this.

Oh, my gosh, Gary, no, I can't take...

No, shh, shh, shh.

Just take it.

You know, use it, put it in a box, I don't care.

I just... I never want to see it again.

Now, drink up.

It's officially my retirement party.

So let's... let's booze it up.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Honestly, I think this is the drunkest I've ever been.

Yeah.

That's a weird word, hey?

"Been"?

Yeah, it's...

It's not that weird.

Tuck-man? Come in, Tuck-man.

H-Train calling from H.Q.

There's a demon attacking a retirement home

a few miles north of you.

Over.

Oh, what's the demon's name, "Father Time"?

That's rude.

You know, I'm just gonna go tinkle

and then I should go take care of that demon.

Yeah, no, that's cool.

Um, do you want to come?

To fight the...? No, I...I think I'm done.

I'll chauffeur you over.

You know, I'm pretty used to drinking and driving.

Safety first.

Sounds good, buddy.

Well, Gar, where will you go from here?

Are you gonna buy a motorcycle and Wild Hog it across America

with some boomers?

That'd be fun.

Hey, Tucker, what would you do if you were me?

Would you buy a motorcycle and Wild Hog it across America

with some boomers?

Is that what you'd do, Tuck?

Hey, Tucker?

Where the hell'd you go? Where...

Motherfucker!

Tuck-man.

Should have been the H-Train going off those rails.

I don't understand why you would take a teenager to a cliff

and feed him booze.

It was Italian wine, Leslie. It was a nice gesture!

I was passing the torch!

I didn't think he'd walk off the fucking cliff!

Well, he's alive, guys.

But he's in a coma and he's paralyzed from the waist down,

and up.

What? So all over?

Yeah, except his face.

Oh, my God.

Well, congratulations, Gary. You got what you wanted.

You're the new chosen one for the next 15 years.

What? No.

Oh, God, no, Leslie.

That's what I thought I wanted this morning,

but then I made my peace with retiring like two hours ago.

That's what the wine was all about.

I'm really ready to go now. I'm ready!

Well, maybe you should have thought of that

before you got a 16-year-old drunk on a cliff.

The wine was a nice gesture, Leslie!

It was a...

Don't sweat it, Gary.

Maybe there's going to be, like, a medical breakthrough

and Tucker will be able to fight again.

Probably not, but maybe.

Anyways, though, it's good to see you, my dude.

Oh, God.

You are blocking the hallway.

This is a breach of fire code.

Please move.

Please. Move.

Oh, God, this fucking sucks...

Attempting new tactic.

Do you like candy bar?

There is a candy bar, over there.

Would you like to get it?

Oh, God.

Please, get it.

Gary!

Scoo-dabby dabby dap! Gary!

Scoo-dooby dooby doop!

Ooh, ah, ah!

Anytime there's demons!

You'd better know

That Gary's coming to get them!

And send them away!

And anytime you're feeling

Afraid of demons!

Gary will be there

To save the day!

"Gary and His Demons" is a production...

"Gary and His Demons" is a show.