Original subtitles

You know, some countries you visit and they look like

anywhere, but Japan is just very Japan, you know?

So are you excited to meet up with the other chosen ones?

Actually, I am, yeah, yeah.

You know, as boring as these conferences are,

it's nice to chat to people who go through the same crap as me

once in a while.

You know, last year Haruki showed us all this crazy scar

his got on his ass, and...

I mean, I don't know. It was nice.

It was like a nice moment.

What are you doing here? You putting on lipstick?

Oh, yeah, you know. It's just...

Well, it's the first year I'll be single

at one of these things, and, well...

Oh, my God. Marcello?

Not Marcello.

What?

We have had some hot moments in the past, Gary.

If I hadn't have been married, who knows?

He's just got that sensual voice.

Yes, his voice is very sensual.

But have you ever noticed that he's like a...

Like a dumb guy?

Like, the things he says sound sexy

but they're actually quite dumb?

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about, Gary.

Marcello is just as intelligent as anyone else.

Leslie.

Oh, Marcello.

When I heard you were coming today,

I came to pick you up in my car.

I drove it on the road. I like cars.

Oh.

I want to hear all about it.

The car is a vehicle.

Yes.

With four wheels.

Doors.

Oh, no.

Leslie, Gary, come.

The rest of the seven are eager to see you.

Oh, cool. Not something I hear very often.

So how's Haruki?

Did he get his ass bit off again?

I have not spoken to Haruki in some time.

But I understand he is quite comfortable in his new life.

His new life? What do you mean?

Gary, this is Maddison, Damba, Axel, Ursa, Daniel, and Sakura.

Kids, this is Gary.

Hi, Gary.

Hello.

Hi... kids. One second.

Sorry.

What's going on here?

Where's Haruki and all the others?

Oh, everyone else retired this year.

Everyone gone except you.

They retired?

Leslie, why wouldn't you tell me this?

Well, I don't know, Gary. It must have slipped my mind.

Slipped your mind 'cause you were so busy

thinking about Marcello?

Here, fishy.

Oh, my God.

Come, everyone. Lunch is served.

Lunch is short for "lunchtime."

Oh.

Okay, what have we got here? We've got some rice.

We've got some... rice.

A lot of rice. Okay.

Excuse me, Mr. Gary.

Yeah?

Um... my name is Sakura.

I'm the new demon hunter here in, um...

I'm the demon hunter from, uh...

Japan?

Yeah.

Asia?

Yes, sorry. Hi.

Yes, I'm from here, from Japan.

Uh-huh.

And I just wanted to say that it is an honour to meet you.

Can I make a video of you for my story?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

It's hard no from me, yeah, 'cause I just don't wanna.

Oi, you two! Quit gabbin' and join us!

No, no, no, that's okay.

I think I'm gonna go sit with, uh...

You know, I find when you are hungry,

there is nothing in the world like food.

Yeah, okay. I'll sit with you guys.

Okay, so personally, I haven't fought a demon yet,

but everyone at my school thinks I'm so cool now!

Before I wasn't so cool.

Maybe I was a little bit cool, but now I am definitely cool.

I haven't seen a demon yet, either,

but I hope one day I will get to perform

the Seven Star with all of you.

Oh, God.

All right, Gary, go on.

I bet you've got some amazing stories.

Care to share?

No, no, I do not care to share.

Just tell us one story.

Okay, okay, okay! What do you want to hear about?

The time my fiancee was killed and it was probably my fault?

Or the time I had to choose between saving an orphanage

and a pet store full of puppies?

'Cause spoiler alert on that one, uh,

I got stuck under a metal beam and they all died.

So, yeah, you ever heard the collective screams of over

50 orphans and puppies dying at once?

And then you reach that point where you're like,

"That specific scream that I'm hearing,

is that coming from dog or boy?"

That's a thought I have sometimes

when I'm just walking around now.

And as for your Seven Star, that's not going to happen,

'cause that takes all seven of us training together for months,

which we won't do, because demon hunters fight alone.

So congratulations, you signed up for the worst job

in the world outside of, I don't know, podcast reviewer?

All right, good talk, kids. Enjoy the rice.

Actually, I'm so sorry.

I feel like I left that on a needlessly sour note.

Do you guys want to hear a nice story about the time

I met Tom Cruise?

Or, no, wait, sorry.

This is a story about the time I was on a cruise

and a bunch of kids got killed by a demon.

Yeah, it's another kid death story.

Ask me if there were any puppies onboard.

There were a few.

Ask me if they survived. They did... not survive.

Of course not.

They got killed along with all the kids.

That was a bad day.

So, Marcello, why don't you tell me something interesting

about yourself.

My body is covered in skin.

That makes two of us.

Oh! Oh, hi, Aiko.

I am so sorry to disturb,

but no one has seen Sakura in many hours.

You have not seen her, have you?

No, not since lunch.

If you do, please let me know.

Okay.

Huh. I hope she's all right.

Leslie, there is no wine left in the bottle.

Well, we can get another bottle.

Leslie, how do I get more wine from this bottle?

Where have you been all morning, Gary?

Sakura is still missing.

I was looking for tea but all they had was bubble tea,

and I tried to get coffee and all they had was bubble coffee.

So I don't know, I'm having a day.

Did she say anything at lunch yesterday, Gary?

I don't know!

They were all talking a bunch of shit about how excited

they were, and I just sort of set 'em straight.

Basic convo.

What do you mean, "set them straight"?

You didn't tell them your orphans and puppies story,

did you?

Of course I did, Leslie!

That story is this job in a nutshell.

They deserve to know.

Gary, they're children!

Sakura probably ran away because you scared her.

Good! I hope she stays gone!

Be scared!

Gary, Sakura is just beginning her training.

She is a tender child, very fearful.

Such things are documented in her diary.

See? Look.

I don't want to look at her diary...

Is that me on the cover?

You have served humanity for so long, given so much.

Sakura thinks the world of you.

Oh, my God.

Okay, let's do it.

Hey, Marcello, you want to button this with something dumb?

Orphans are children with no parents.

Aw.

Perfect.

I hope Sakura is okay.

In Germany, when children go missing, it's often the work of

the Krampus, who dunks the children in the washbasin.

I don't think we have to worry about the Krampus, Axel.

And besides, if Sakura was in trouble, I'd be having, like,

vision seizures about it.

Although those are pretty unreliable lately.

Hey, none of you guys get visions, do you?

Anything like that?

No, but I can summon a harpy eagle to look down from the sky.

Oh, that actually sounds pretty helpful, yeah.

Give... Do that.

Okay.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, good.

Does anything else a power or anything?

I could call upon the Krampus to punish us all.

No. Anyone else?

I can summon a croc.

I can summon penguins.

A lot of summoning. Okay, that's great.

More eyes. Summon 'em all, gang.

Oh, here she goes!

I hate the way this happens for you guys.

No, no! Axel, don't summon the Krampus.

Where are the children?

Oh, God, okay. We gotta get outta here, guys.

Put 'em back in your chests or whatever.

I will chain them up and dunk them in my basin.

Never mind. Let's get out of here, guys.

Around the corner! Around the corner!

All right, any other ideas kicking around?

I could play with your brain?

What? What do you mean by that?

I can, like, go inside your brain and trigger your emotions.

Maybe trigger your vision seizures.

Even if it doesn't work, it still feels cool.

It feels cool. Um, sure, man, yeah.

If you think that'll work. Okay.

Oh, that tickles. Right into it, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, don't check my memories, okay?

Especially not the stuff from after Janine died.

There's a lot of, like, Marc Maron type shit in there.

Oh, and...

I see her! She's at the train station.

She's in danger! A demon just busted in.

Oh, we gotta get there! We gotta help her!

I'll get us there, using the power of ride-share technology!

Where are the children who look at the naughty magazines?

Okay, you know what?

It's actually pretty irresponsible

to leave the Krampus just running around like this.

You guys go ahead. I'll take care of this guy...

The Krampus's penis is exposed.

Put your fucking pants on, man!

Observe my member.

Krampus!

Oh, crap. Okay, kids, hang back.

Sakura, what's going on, bud?

I'm sorry, Gary.

After what you said, I got scared and I tried to run away.

But then this demon appeared and...

I don't think I can do this!

Sure you can! You were doing it just now!

You were fighting him, or you know,

sort of trying to fight him.

I don't want to do this! It came out of nowhere.

Well, you know what, buddy? That's what demon-hunting is.

Most of the time you're just holding on for dear life

and hoping you don't die.

And also just vis-a-vis you running away,

don't listen to me.

I'm a very sad man.

Now go hang out with the other kids while I fight this thing.

No way! We're a team.

We fight together.

Penguins, go!

I'm gonna produce my croc again, if that's all right.

I've got a better idea. Who wants to try the Seven Star?

But you said we'd never have time to learn it.

I say a lot of negative shit, I'm depressed.

The truth is, I've never tried it.

You guys want to try?

Yeah! Do it!

All right, then, get out your weapons

and let's get ready to...

Sword!

Hammer!

Bolas!

Didge!

Throwing stars!

Penguins!

Heart!

Let's do this!

Okay... Oh.

Sorry.

Who's on legs? Who's on legs?

I'm sort of on the legs, but I'm in the butt mostly.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Okay, that's okay. That's okay.

Never mind, guys.

That was way too hard, but we kind of did it.

That's not bad.

Now, who wants to fight this thing the normal way?

Yay!

Alright, let's go!

Take that! Feel my hammer!

Get it! Get it!

Okay, bye, guys! Bye, Sakura!

Email me anytime you want, okay?

No phone calls, but the occasional email is fine.

Wow, Gary!

You know, I have to say,

you really did a good thing with those kids.

Yeah, they sure love me, huh?

Stupid. So where's Marcello?

Why isn't he driving us to the airport?

Oh, well, I think you may have been right about Marcello.

After the initial glow wore off,

I started to notice his less intellectual side.

Leslie!

Okay, driver? Yeah, we can go now.

Leslie!

Let's go. Go, go, go.

Oh, no, Leslie! You are further away now!

Such is the magic of cars.

They go faster than walking, but slower than planes... probably.

You're practically gone now.

I can see you, but not much.