Original subtitles

Ooh, I'm so excited. Why is this taking so long?

Take off already!

Ooh, I hope this is one of those planes

where the flight attendants deliver the safety instructions

in like a sassy way, you know?

Like, "Be sure to help your kids with their seat belts...

and your husbands."

Oh, God, no.

Why can't everyone just leave jokes to the bigots and creeps

that call themselves comedians?

When is this gonna get going? Come on, man!

What's the hurry, Gar? It's not a vacation.

We're just gonna go kill a demon.

Yeah, but if we kill it right away and tell Leslie

we're still working on it, then what do we have?

A foundation of deceit?

A vacation!

We've just got to touch down, boom, kill a demon, boom,

and then we can probably grab a sweet two-day vaycay, right?

I mean, that does sound pretty appealing.

Oh, Hanley, like the lady Eve you're once again

being seduced by the tantalizing prospect of sin.

Oh, here we go. Okay, come on.

Good morning, everyone.

My name is Georgia, and I'm an alcoholic.

Whoops, wrong meeting.

No, no, no. I won't be drinking.

The pilot might but... Oh, I'm just kidding!

Come on, come on, Hanley! Let's go.

All right, all right.

Gentlemen, welcome to...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's the demon?

Oh, you're from the Ministry? Ay dios mio.

This creature, he came ashore two days ago.

Une diablo.

Mr. Rodriguez encountered it in his boat.

Oh, I'll never forget it. It was a balmy day.

Not hot, but it was not cold.

Some might call it mild or temperate, or tranquil.

But I prefer balmy.

Right, okay, so I'm just gonna start walking

and you just sort of steer me towards that demon.

A poet might have described it as benign or clement,

but such terms...

No, no.

There is only one word for that day.

Balmy.

There it is. Please take care of it.

Oh, wow. Big boy.

Okay, yep.

Gary, wait a sec.

Shouldn't we plan this out a little?

What do you want me to do, Hanley?

Draw blueprints? It's right there.

I can feel that sweet beach calling my name, saying,

"Gary, bury yourself in sand,

but give yourself breasts like a lady has."

So help or don't help, Han, I don't care.

But I'm going in.

Sword, make me better!

♪ Through the distant night!

♪ I become...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.

Why is everything taking so long?

Okay, demon, if you're hungry, I got something you can chew on,

it's my sword...

Crap.

Oh, gosh, Gary, you okay?

No.

Okay, I'm coming. Hey, demon.

If you're still hungry, I've got something you can eat,

and it's made of... Oh, no.

They made me check my gun at the airport.

Watch out!

Get off of him!

Die! Die!

I want to hit the beach and tan!

Whoo!

Well, that's three minutes of beach I'll never get back.

Come on.

Uh, yeah, just a sec, Gar. I think it got me.

How's it look?

Um...

No, that... that's fine.

Is it?

There you go.

You just need to have a little lie-down for a bit.

As soon as you feel better, come meet me on the beach,

okay, buddy?

Gary, wait.

You know, maybe I should head home so Marito can check me out.

I feel awful.

Nonsense! We just got here!

If Leslie found out...

No, just trust me. I've been wounded before.

Marito can help you just as well on Monday as he can today.

And, heck, you might even get better

from the nice seaside air.

Huh? Some nice air?

But...

"But, but, but..." No buts.

Except the butts we're going to see in bikinis

later on the beach, hey?

Hey? Come on.

Aw.

There's that Hanley smile I can't get enough of.

Okay, feel better. See you soon.

Oh, wow, I haven't felt this relaxed in ages.

Nothing like getting away from the day-to-day, eh, my man?

Yeah, you get it. You get it.

Where's your parents, by the way?

Don't know?

Okay.

Good stuff.

Maybe I should head up and see if Hanley's okay.

Then again... looking for any excuse not too...

Oh, fuck me.

Better check that out real quick.

Party all night, you guys.

Hell, yeah, Mr. Rodriguez. That's balmy as shit!

That should stay balmy.

Hanley, I brought you a drink, but I drank it already.

Oh, God.

Hanley? Hanley?

Oh, hey, Gar. I was just coming to find you.

Oh, Hanley.

You look... good?

Yeah, I guess you were right. A little rest was all I needed.

In fact, I feel better than ever.

Cool, yeah, good.

A lot of goo here on the bed, though.

Yeah. Heh, who knows, right?

Shall we?

I mean, I'm exhausted and if I'm being honest,

recovering from a near paralyzing demon wound

this quickly is troubling.

But it's nothing that can't wait till Monday.

Let's party!

Hell, yeah!

That's game.

Oh, wow. I really worked up a lather.

Hey, have I always had these abs?

How would I know that?

Hey, hey, hey, we got next. Hey, you guys.

No, no, no. Hey, we got next.

Hey! Hey!

We got next!

Hanley, calm down.

Get the fuck out of there! We got next!

Easy!

Hanley, I need a break anyway.

I'm just gonna lie here and read this new John Grisham novel

I picked up, okay?

"Lawyer in Trouble".

Not the most poetic title.

Come on, Gar. You can read when you're dead.

No, you can't.

Let's go.

You just need a little pick-me-up.

Juice up, bro.

Hey, easy, Hanley. Easy.

Oh, baby wants his bottle.

Stop juicing me up, man!

You almost made me choke.

Come on, let's go catch some waves.

I don't know how to surf.

Oh, neither do I, baby.

But are we on vacation or are we on vacation?

Hey, easy! Easy!

♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun! Fun in the sun! ♪

♪ We like to have fun! And we do it in the sun! ♪

Uh... whoa!

Oh, fuck me. Fuck, no, no.

Hey, look at me! I need help!

Look at me! Hanley!

Hanley, I need...

Oh, God.

Where are you guys going?

You sort of missed me drowning out there, Hanley.

No biggie, but...

Okay, you're out of earshot.

That's fine.

Catch up with you guys later.

Ow, ugh, must lie down.

All right, who wants to do some shots?

Okay, okay, okay.

This first one's called a Tequila Fuck You, all right?

First you take a lime wedge, shove it up your ass.

Then you take some salt, shove it up your ass.

Then you stand on your head and get your buddy

to pour some tequila down your ass.

Hey, Hanley, how long do you think your friends

are going to be partying here?

I'm super-tired, man.

What?

I don't know, till we're done, Gary.

It's freaking vacation time, baby.

All right, let's do it.

Rock and roll!

Can we just drink some of these after?

If your body's feeling bad and broke,

nothing wrong with a good, long soak.

That's nice.

Hey, Hanley, what the hell are you doing, man?

Yo, take it easy, Gar. Step off.

It's a tinkle, not a stinkle.

A stinkle?

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. That feels good.

Love a good long piss, eh, Gar?

Get the hell out of here, man?

Yeah, who's gonna make me, Gary, huh?

You?

What?

Yeah, you gonna make me leave, huh?

You gonna make me leave, huh, long-ass?

No... Long-ass?

Yeah.

My ass isn't... Is it long?

Pretty long, Gar.

Can an ass be long?

Hey!

What?

Hey, don't, don't, don't.

Hey, man, listen, something's going on with you.

I don't know why but you're acting

really mean and selfish right now.

Oh, I'm acting selfish, Mr. Would Have Let Me Die

So He Could Go An A Vacation?

Okay, okay, yeah. You know what?

Fair point for sure.

But that's, like, very much in character for me.

And this is not, so maybe we should head back

to the Ministry early, like you wanted to.

You just can't stand to see me having a bit of fun, huh?

Seeing me with all my cool friends,

pouring shots in our asses.

Yeah, I still don't understand how that's supposed to be fun.

Well, get used to it, Gary.

We go home when I say so.

Hey, it's okay, man. It's all good.

Get your hands off of me!

Oh, Sean! Sean, I have your phone!

Holy shit!

Hanley, that's not a super-long fall, but that's not okay!

So do something about it, Jerry!

Jerry?

Wait, wait, is that like a weird insult where you get

my name a bit wrong?

Let's see what you got, Jerry.

Stop calling me Jerry.

Why is that affecting me?

Oh, my God!

Okay, yeah, no. That tracks.

The demon that bit you infected you

and now you're blah, blah, blah...

Okay.

Ow!

Oh, sword, make me better.

Come at me, Jerry.

Don't call me that!

Oh, no you don't!

Oh, my God!

This is so much further down than I thought!

Oh, crap. Oh...

Oh, you okay, man?

Okay, I'll... I'll come back.

He's fine.

Mio dios! Another diablo?

Hanley? No.

Bad Hanley. No, bad!

That's bad!

Not the most intimidating sound he's made.

Hey, no. No!

Come here. No, hey, hey!

No, no, no, no, Hanley! Do not go in the ocean, please!

Oh, God, I'm gonna lose him.

I'm gonna lose him and I'm gonna get blamed.

Ha! Do not worry, my friend.

I fought his ghoulish predecessor

on that balmy day and I shall...

Dios mio!

He's much stronger than his predecessor!

Don't worry, Mr. Rodriguez! I got 'em.

Sorry, Hanley! Sorry!

This is my fault!

Sorry!

Yeah, there you go, buddy.

Good as new.

Just a few scars to make you look tough, like...

Na-na, na-na.

You know, if you'd seen me at the resort, you wouldn't think

I needed any help in that department.

I was pretty tough. I was a tough guy.

C-c-could I get some help over here now, please?

Oh, sorry, Gar.

Looks like you're going through what I was, huh?

Well, you know what? Sleep it off.

Marito will be able to fix you up in a couple of days.

Let's go get some Vietnamese soup!

G-g-good one, guys.

Good one, guys.

We'll see who's laughing when I turn into a fish demon

and s-s-slaughter you all,

'cause that's what's gonna happen.

I'll slaughter you all. I'll fucking kill all of you.

You're gonna be so sorry you let me turn into a fish demon.

Yeah, you'll fucking shit your pants.

P-p-please come back.

♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun! Fun in the sun! ♪

♪ Well, we're out on the beach! ♪

♪ And we're having such a nice vacation! ♪

♪ Woo!

♪ Oh, we're out on the beach! ♪

♪ And we're having such a nice vacation! ♪