Original subtitles

Mama?

Ew!

Steph? This one's hatching!

I got it.

Look, you can take off if you want, Gare.

I can handle the clean-up.

Nah, I'm not in a hurry.

I have dinner at my parents' place tonight

and that's always the worst.

It's like, they don't even get me, you know what I mean?

But they just lo-ove my older brother Steve.

It's all like,"Steve this," and"Steve that" and...

"Steve."

I mean, that's a bit gross, 'cause they're his parents,

but you get the idea.

Yeah, family's tough.

One minute they love you, the next minute you're dad's

driving a boat drunk at the lake, upturns it,

everyone goes down.

You're dad gets caught in the motor,

your mom tries to save your sister, somehow, you live.

You and the dog. No one else does.

You love that dog and then the dog gets sick.

You can't afford the vet bills and it dies.

Very hard for me to look at a Golden Retriever now

without bawling my goddamn eyes out.

Well that's a hundred times worse than what

I was talking about, so, yeah, I'm gonna get going.

Where mama?

Mama's gone. And she ain't comin' back.

Hey, hey, look who it is, little bro!

Hi Steve.

Hey, who invited you, by the way?

Okay.

Just kidding. It's good to see you.

You don't look great though. You don't look good at all.

Okay.

Hey, everyone, look who I found in his underpants

lurking in the bushes like a perv?

I wasn't in my underpants, obviously!

Like a lil' pedo!

Okay.

Hey, Ge-pedo!

Jesus Christ.

Fiddlin' with his belt! I'm kidding, ya!

Psycho!

Oh, Steve. He's so bad.

Yep. He's"bad."

Hi, Michaela.

Oh, yeah. Don't mind her.

She's obsessed with her new "Virtual Bouncer" game.

Real fun.

You on the list? Nice try, pal.

Get to the back of the line.

There he is!

I told you he'd make it.

Looks like I'm out 50 bucks.

Good stuff!

Well, let's eat.

Though it looks like Gary already has.

Ow! Mom!

Oh, calm down, Gary.

Calm down?!

He just flicked me in the eyeball!

Put a patch on it.

...so I look right into Old Man Fleming's eyes,

put my hand on his cheek, and I say,

"If you think offering me a promotion and a corner office

is gonna keep me here for another 10 years,

you're absolutely frickin' right!

Way to go, Steve!

Put my head right on his cheek, yup!

And did I say the parts about the company car

and the extended vacation time?

I said those parts, right?

Yeah, you said all of that a couple times.

And Gary, are you still hunting demons?

No, no, I'm working at a bank now.

Ya, I thought I'd try something different for a bit--

Obviously, I'm still hunting demons, Mom!

Okay, easy!

It's a-- I'm the chosen one, it's a sworn duty!

How's it been going?

Oh, so good. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, yeah.

Today, we roasted some babies next to the corpse of a woman

whose body had been used as a cocoon.

And last week, I found out the demon who killed my fiance

20 years ago, and who I thought I'd killed,

might be back for revenge!

Wow, speaking of death, Gary, I think you just killed the mood.

Steve!

Downer! Downer!

I'm kidding. Kidding, little buddy.

Anyone else wanna drink?

I feel like Gary might need one after that story!

Steve took one cocktail class and now he thinks he's

Tom Cruise from that film.

What film? Valkyrie?

Boom! Called ya a Nazi.

He's actually a Nazi in that movie,

he kills Hitler in the end there, so uh--

Oh, a good Nazi?

Yeah.

He still enlisted. Still a Nazi.

He was pretty ripped in that movie,

so he takes his shirt off in that scene--

Is anyone else hearing this?

Oh, my gosh, Mom! My Accountie?

"For increasing clientele in the corporate sector."

Yeah, I just nailed it that quarter.

Wow.

I can't believe you guys kept this!

Why wouldn't they?

They kept everything else of yours.

Gary, come on now.

Oh, what? It's true, isn't it?

Look at all this bullshit!

Childhood photos, diploma, which I didn't get 'cause I was

forced to drop out of high school to fight demons.

Oh well!

Bronzed baby shoes.

Bronzed adult shoes?!

Those are from his first marathon!

Oh, I'm surprised you didn't keep the skin

from his circumcision!

Did you keep it?

No!

We discussed it.

Hey, it's important skin!

Oh, my God!

Now, Gary we've kept plenty of your things too!

Where, under the floorboards?

No, they--

How could you be this proud of Steve?!

He's an accountant!

I literally hunt demons every day!

Oh, what? Do you?

I haven't heard that mentioned in like five seconds.

That's new.

Is that his occupation, Mom?

You know what?

If you guys spent even one second face-to-face

with a real live demon,

I might actually get some appreciation around here!

I'll be right back!

Gary?

Okay, everyone, now if you'll please join hands.

Did you have to draw on the floor to make your point?

It's just chalk, Mom. Okay?

It's not a big deal.

Michaela, get that--

Hey!

All right, this little baby once belonged

to an ancient demon queen named Mahalath.

I grabbed it at a brothel we raided last month.

What's a brothel?

Mmm, it's like a whorehouse?

Language, Gary.

What?

It's not my fault nobody explains anything to her.

Okay, now get ready for the coolest moment

of your dull, average lives.

I'm a world renowned painter.

Ugh.

Family, this is Mahalath.

Hi, Mahalath!

And now for a little demonstration of why my work

is so important.

Sword, make me--

Aah! Gary!

Your prostitute friend's got my nuts!

What happened to the language rule, Steve?

Help me!

What happened to the language rule?

Gary!

Steven!

Ugh, this is actually quite a big problem.

Steve!

Steve?

Mahalath?

Oh, he's dead!

He's not dead, Mom.

I mean, he might be, but I think the succubus

tortures her prey for a bit first.

You think?

Oh! O-oh!

Here we go!

Get ready to watch your son slay harder than, um, um... um...

Gary, let's go!

... than Santa on Christmas!

Slay harder than Santa on Christmas!

Let's go!

See how this grass was trampled?

The demon dragged Steve through here.

Don't worry, when I say dragged, I just mean like,

forcibly pulled.

Gary, are you sure this is the right way?

Yes, Dad, I just said so!

Told ya.

Leave my brother alone!

Maybe it's a shapeshifter?

Nope, just a weirdly calm deer.

Okay, look for more trampled grass.

My sweet Stevie's dead.

No, he's not, Mom! What'd I just say?

I just need to have a little seizure

and I'll be able to find him.

A little seizure??

Yeah, it's like a vision.

Alerts me to danger, people in trouble, that kind of thing.

Pretty cool, right?

Okay, come on seizure!

Might need to shock one out of me.

Dad, hit me in the face!

What? No!

Hit me in the face dad!

Absolutely not!

Dad, please, hit me in the face!

Ask your mother!

Mom, hit me in the face!

No!

Okay. Okay.

Gary! What are you doing?!

My job!

Seriously, what will it take to make you guys believe in me?

Should I put on one of those little green accountant visors

or a Steve mask?

Jesus Christ, Gary!

Does everything have to be about you?

If you'd thought of anyone but yourself tonight,

Steve wouldn't be missing in the first place!

Wow. Umm...

Okay.

Well, there's definitely some truth to that.

But I would say--

Aah! Aah!

Gary! Are you okay?

Yeah, I know where Steve is! Come on!

Wasn't that awesome when I was doing the seizure?

Stand back.

Patrons in the splash zone may get bloody...

Hiya!

Oh, Mahalath. Oh, Mahalath.

Oh, my God!

This is the golden child?

He has a wife and kid!

And here he is porking away at a demon!

Oh, this is too rich. This is too rich by half!

The demon's probably making him do it!

I mean, that is a feature of the succubus, but also, it's Steve.

Just frigging kill it, Gary!

Okay, sorry! Watch this.

Sword, make me better!

♪ Through the distant night

♪ I become myself

♪ But a better version of myself, ♪

♪ Mom and Dad!

Get away from my brother!

Did you guys see me morph?

Yes!

Pretty cool, right?

I love you. Come back!

Steve, get a grip! Jesus Christ!

Did you see that? Did you see me do the flips?

Yes!

You saw it?

Hell yeah!

And now I typically say something cool like,

"Special on wings!"

Then I'd cut her wings off, I'd be like--

Kill it!

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Ow! Oh!

Oh, my God! Oh.

Get away from my son!

Thank you, Daddy.

I'm co-oming, Mom and Da-ad.

I lo-ove yo-ou--

Nobody attacks my parents on my watch!

I'm a good boy!

You see that, Mom and Dad?

My baby!

So brave!

Oh what the hell? He didn't save you!

He was trying to pork her!

Now, let's get you home.

I'm gonna open up that 60-year-old bottle of scotch

I was saving!

Hey, little buddy, thanks for coming to get me.

But next time wait a bit longer, huh?

Steven! Bad!

Ask your friend if she had a good time!

You're a pig, Steve!

That's great.

Well, I'm gonna take this thing in.

Sorry I ruined dinner.

Uh, Gary, would it be okay if we kept

a little piece of that demon?

Why?

You're not gonna give it to Steve to jerk off to, are you?

Told you we held onto your things.

Yup.

I... I don't know what to say...

Wait, how come everything's in the garage though?

Steve's practically got a whole wing of the house

and I'm stuck out here in the garage?

Oh, here we go!

No, no, no, no. I wanna know that.

What is it?

'Cause you're embarrassed about guests seeing my stuff?

You've got the whole garage!

Oh, you know what? I'm moving this stuff in.

I like it here!

Oh, shit! That box had a ghoul in it.

Okay, don't look it in the eyes! We gotta go!

What do we do?

I just looked it in the eye!