Original subtitles

Oh, and it's a huge slam dunk, and a timeout.

I'm Chris Straightman, and with me as always

is John "Mr. Positive" Hanson.

Mr. Positive, this team is getting stomped.

What can they do to turn it around?

Well, Chris, anytime you got 10 guys on the court,

fans in the stands, two hoops, and a coach at either bench,

it's hard not to say, "That's basketball!"

Well, as always, 10% information and 90% personality from John.

And we are under way here as...

Oh, no!

Some sort of demon has rushed the court

and taken the referee's arms.

There he is!

Take 'em, Gar!

Gary takes the court and boom!

Ka-boom!

Oh, hell, yes.

T-shirt giveaway.

Wow, these things are an accident waiting to happen.

Any last words, you little motherfucker?

Fleshler says, "Hi."

What a twist.

The demon killing himself after a hard-fought battle.

I'll say it again, Chris. This is basketball!

No, it is not.

So who's this Fleshler guy that demon was talking about, Gar?

Hanley, have I ever told you about the day I asked

Janine to marry me?

No.

Well, the year was 1999.

Could you give a message to my kids for me?

Janine and I were inseparable.

Before we fight, Mr. Code, have you ever heard of... philosophy?

Tell me.

Oh, my God!

What are you talking about?

That was the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

Okay, I'm not saying it was the best movie I've ever seen,

but I really, really liked it.

What's wrong with that?

What did you like about it?

I liked when everything slowed down in time

and then you could see everything.

Code time.

You like when it went into code time?

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

What?

I think that dog is rescreening your favourite part

of the movie right now.

What? Oh, Gary, come on.

Don't make me look at that.

I think that dog's in code time.

Oh, my God.

Look how long it's taking for it to push that shit

out of its ass.

That actually looks... Oh, that dog's not well.

Oh, man.

What do you wanna do now?

Um...

Okay. I know what to do.

Tell me.

You know what to do.

Yes, I do.

We know what to do.

Yes, I do.

Swing dancing!

Fucking losers!

♪ Swing music's back and it's here to stay! ♪

♪ It's not a fad and it's not a trend! ♪

♪ It's something I've invested in! ♪

♪ Lots of money, I'm in debt! ♪

♪ I'm in debt!

♪ So let's swing dance!

Those swing lessons were the best investment

we ever made, baby.

You said it!

Swing music's back and it's not going anywhere.

It's not going anywhere!

Oops. Sorry about that.

You will be.

I...am?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What did you fucking say?

Gary...

No, it's okay. It's okay.

I'm not gonna freak out. I just wanna...

I just wanna know what he said, and if he said what I think

he said, well, then, I'm going to beat the shit out of him.

Okay, whoa, Gary.

I'll kill you and your bitch.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me right now?

You had one ally here, buddy.

Excuse me?

I was trying to play peacekeeper here, you asshole.

She was on your side, you fucking idiot.

What are you gonna do about it?

What am I gonna do about it?

Oh, you're demons.

Well, that actually changes a bit.

Beat his ass, Gary.

Yes, I will. I will.

Calm down. Holy shit.

Okay, Janine, you wanna lay down the ground rules?

Rule number one: the fight has already started.

What a team. The bait-and-switch.

Distracter and the ball kicker. An unstoppable duo.

Yeah.

And away we go!

♪ Well, my wife doesn't know ♪

♪ that I mortgaged the house! ♪

♪ To fund our latest album! ♪

♪ She'd leave me if she knew! ♪

♪ She'd take the kids...!

Janine, you want to say something now?

Table for one.

Uh... you wanna try...

You wanna try just one more time?

Um... this guy's cut off.

Oh, yeah! Yes!

There it is!

Ha! Yep.

Fleshler will find out about this.

Whatever that means.

All right, how'd I do, baby?

You were okay. I think I was pretty good.

Yes, you were. You were good.

Yeah, even when I was fighting demons,

Janine made everything feel good.

But that was nothing compared to our chemistry in... the bedroom.

Oh, Gary.

I love you, Janine.

I love you, Gar.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

oh, my God!

Gary! Gary, enough!

We were humping like this.

We were sort of humping like this.

We were like...

Yeah, okay, Gary. I get the picture.

You made love.

That's right, Hanley.

We did it all.

Her on top. Me on top.

69, 96, that's when the back of your head touches her calves,

you're kind of like, "Is this sex?"

Finally we finished, and then right back to it.

And we were like, "Oh, my God! Oh, my..."

Gary! Please!

Enough!

Let the man tell his story.

The next morning should have kicked off

the best day of my life.

Instead it was the worst.

Janine, wake up!

Time for French toast with a side of forever.

Janine?

"Dear Gary, I have your girlfriend."

"Ok.

I guess that's it."

"Yours, Fleshler."

Janine!

Hey!

Some of us are trying to sleep.

Fuck you, Terry! It's noon.

Get a job.

I've been looking.

Turns out Fleshler was some hot new demon on the scene

who owned a club downtown.

Old Gary was going clubbing.

Excuse me, does this door lead into F Club?

Yeah, that feels like a yes.

Whoa! Oh!

I don't know what they're playing in there,

but out here it's chin music, baby.

I guess that one's just for me. Okay.

All right, Fleshler, where are you hiding?

Ah, crap.

You got him? Ooh, that's good news.

Darvon, do you mind going and checking downstairs

and seeing how it's going down there?

Ooh, and while you're down there, do you mind grabbing me

one of those um... flesh juices from the fridge?

They're so good. Should I, though?

No, yes. Get me one.

Get me a flesh juice from the fridge,

just one of the ones on the bottom ones.

The diet ones.

And Janine, do you... Do you want anything?

Fuck you.

Okay, so yeah, just the flesh juice for me then.

So here's what I'm thinking.

Holy guacamole!

Gary!

Janine! Oh, thank God.

Fuck him up, Gary.

I'm gonna. I'm gonna.

I'm gonna kick his goddamn dick off.

Easy, chosen one.

We don't want anyone losing their heads.

Do you think Darvon's actually okay?

You really kicked the shit out of him.

That is nothing compared to what I...

What you'll do to me, yes, right.

I can't blame you.

I did kidnap your girlfriend on the day

you were going to propose.

Hey, man, come on! What the f...

Gary, you... you were?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He put the ring in some French toast.

Don't.

It was so cute.

I worry about, you know, choking and that kind of thing but...

No one was going to choke.

Well, you could have.

Listen, I'm a reasonable demon. All I want is to protect my kin.

So, chosen one, give me your sword and walk away.

I'll make sure you're never hassled by demons again.

That is the Fleshler guarantee.

Gary, no.

Come on.

A life of peace with the one you love

or a pointless existence battling demons... alone.

No. Keep your sword, Gary.

Please, the world's more important than I am.

Janine, I respectfully disagree.

Ooh, right on!

Janine, just out of curiosity,

what would you have said to Gary's proposal?

Yes.

Aw.

Aw, that is so cool.

That's nice. How's that feel, Gary?

Pretty good I bet.

I love a "yes."

How's that feel? Yeah, feels good to me!

Wow, that was awesome.

Okay.

Nighty-night, Gary boy.

I rushed Janine to the hospital, but by then it was too late.

I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

Jeez, Gary.

I'm so sorry, buddy.

Is that the first time you ever...

Controlled anything with my mind?

Sure was.

First and last.

Right, well...

I mean, regardless of what this demon said,

there's no way Fleshler could be back.

You killed him. I mean, he's dead.

I hope you're right, Hanley.

If there's one thing I've learned about these demons,

they always find a way to come back.

Come on, let's get this guy to a hospital.

How you feeling, buddy?

Oh, shit. He's dead.

He's dead. Okay.

Okay, that's a perfect capper.

Come on, help me wheel him out.

Good Lord.

Oh, yes.

I'm back.