Original subtitles

Ow. Ugh.

Cramp. Goddammit.

Oh, no you don't, you shape-shifting piece of shit.

Where the hell did... Oh, wow.

Oh, don't hurt me!

Uh...

Uh, okay.

You're that demon that I was just chasing.

No, I'm not. I'm a little boy.

No.

Okay, then what are you doing here in this alley?

I'm homeless. Please help me, sir.

Why are you wearing such nice clothes?

I...stole them from another little boy.

I have to steal for my clothes.

Okay, listen, this is unfortunately... more plausible

than I'm comfortable with.

But I am 99% sure you're that demon.

You got a real demon vibe right now.

I'm not a demon. I'm just poor.

My parents died.

Okay. If you're...

Help me. Take me to a shelter.

I hunt demons for a living.

I know a demon when I see one.

You're doing a very good job, kudos, but I've got to

cut you in half now, 'cause I know you're a demon.

No, I'm a little boy. I'm homeless.

I'm so hungry. Please, I need my medicine.

Please stop talking.

I'm gonna cut you in half now, so just stop talking!

It's my birthday!

Shit!

You okay?

Wow, uh, thank you so much, everyone,

for seeing me off like this.

What can I say about this job?

You know, it's been not...

It's not... It has not been good.

And I have not enjoyed it.

And I'm very happy to be done with it.

Uh... let's see, highlights...

Well, my fiancee was killed by a demon.

So that'd be more of a lowlight.

Um... yeah, fuck it.

That's... I didn't like this.

Goodbye.

Great speech, Gary.

Hey, Gar, I did a little digging and I found this.

It's from the first demon you ever killed, right?

Oh, yeah.

I remember these little guys, they got in my ear

and it hurt so bad I tried to kill myself.

What a fun thing to be reminded of.

Thank you, Hanley.

Leslie!

Party!

You guys look great!

Yeah, just sort of standard workwear.

Yeah. Really cute.

Gary, can I just grab you for a second?

Sure.

Hey, how's that kid I chopped up?

Is he okay?

We got him into a shelter.

He's making a lot of new friends.

So anyway...

What a guy.

I can't believe they're finally letting him retire.

Motherfucker!

I'll go ahead and take down that banner.

Gary, please, you can retire

as soon as we've found a replacement.

Or... or... you can eat my ass.

How does that sound, Les? Does that...

Does that do anything for you?

No, Gary. Gary!

Do not smash that.

Oh, you really think you deserve this, Les?

You really think you've been the number-one boss?

I am a wonderful boss!

I created casual Fridays, didn't I?

Until people started taking advantage of it.

I was seeing a lot of skin.

And that's smash.

Oh, Gary.

Leslie, you have had 30 years to find a replacement.

Just go into a high school and grab a kid.

That's what you did to me!

No, no, Gary. We didn't just...

Yes, it is.

No, Gary.

We didn't just grab a kid, all right?

You had all of the signs.

The Mark of Hamesh.

The Mole of Brad.

The Dewy Stache of Gendadiche.

The Dewy Stache of Gendadiche?

When I saw it, oh, the shivers I got.

Just seeing the light catch the stache.

I thought, "Oh, there he is."

You know what? Just keep talking.

I'm just gonna smash all the stuff

on your desk like this.

Gary...

Pic of your child and this everything else.

Fuck, the earwig jar.

No, no, no, no!

There is naught but death now.

Oh, geez.

Marito, could you bring Gary's tweezers right in?

And some glue for my...

Oh, sweet Lord.

Oh, wow, that demon sure did a lot of damage around here.

Should we stop and look for clues or...

Ooh, maybe you could use one of your vision seizures.

It doesn't work that way, Hanley.

And you know, just because Leslie sent you to spy on me

doesn't need I need your input, all right?

Gary, I'm not here to...

Hey, you've read up on chosen one lore, right?

Oh, yeah. I love it.

It is fascinating stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would you say that the vibe is like any teenager pretty much

can become the chosen one if they have the right training?

Don't you need the Mole of Brad and all that stuff?

Okay, I don't know why I bother asking you anyway.

You don't know a goddamn thing.

A little Q here: What are we doing at the high school?

Could you pass me that boom box and that hat,

and that piece of pink tape?

There we go.

I'm like a teen.

You look ill.

Good enough. Time to find my replacement.

C-c-cool guy. Hey, fellas.

You know what I like about social media?

Not homework.

Jesus. Is your lip infected?

I wish.

Say, has any of you ever wanted to swing a sword or fight demons

and save the world, plus no school ever again?

Personally, I like school.

What, is this guy smoking weed? Puffin' on that tush?

Do you mean "kush"?

"Tush" means "ass."

Gary, I think we need to sign in or something to be here.

Let me put this in a language you teens understand.

Well, my name is Gary and I'm here to say!

Don't you want to be the chosen one today?

You get to drop out of school and that's so cool!

And I swear that a demon won't shit in your mouth!

That's a rare thing that demons do!

Yeah, it happened to me, but it might not happen to you!

I mean, it might!

Demons like to do that!

Excuse me, you can't be in here.

Ma'am, it's okay. I'm his dad.

I don't know who he is.

Narc!

You have to leave right now.

Come on...

Don't touch me, man!

This kid's the chosen one! Look, a "B"!

He's got the Mole of Brad!

Gary, let go of that teen!

Ow! Son of a bitch!

One of you will replace me!

Uh... Gar?

Oh, geez. That sounds horrible.

We'll be there right away.

Give me another drink over here.

Hey, Gary.

Hey, so that demon of yours just turned up at the cemetery

nearby, so maybe you just bottoms-up with that drink

and we'll zip on over there.

You know what, Hanley?

You want to solve the case so bad, go solve the case, okay?

That's not... I don't give a shit.

I'm gonna stay here and drink with my people.

Old depressed pieces of shit.

How's it going, my man?

Hey, sorry, just getting a call from my wife here.

Hey, honey. How are the kids?

Boy, do I love you and our perfect family.

Never lost a person in my life!

I'm going to play some pinball.

Welcome.

Please insert coins to help me perform my concerto.

Oh, even the pinball sucks.

You know, Gar, while you're busy throwing yourself a pity party,

that demon's out there throwing a different kind of party.

A murder party.

Oh, God, would you shut up, Hanley?

People die every day, from demons or cancer or...

What's that thing where the chicken...?

You shouldn't have eaten the chicken 'cause the chicken

was bad?

Salmonella?

Salmonella! It kills people every day.

I'm out there barely making a dent,

and in exchange I've lost years of my life

and the only person who's ever mattered to me.

So please, for the love of God, fuck off forever.

Collect points to make me more confident about my concerto.

Well, Gary, if you're not going to do your job,

then maybe I will.

That's right, today humble Hanley confronts evil

by entering the crime scene and looking for clues.

Excuse me, Officer, I'm here from the Demon Ministry.

Oh!

Sir, this area is not safe!

Oh, crap!

Oh, my God, where's my gun?

Crap!

♪ Oh, Gary boy, the pipes, the pipes, are calling!♪

Well, Leslie, you thought you had me, huh?

Well, good luck getting me to fight demons

when I'm fucking dead.

Help!

Oh, shit.

No, no, no, no. No, that's not Hanley.

Hanley, he went down there, he know what could happen,

so that's on him.

I'm doing my own shit now.

I'm gonna kill myself with Hanley's gun.

With Hanley's only gun. Fuck me.

Oh, gosh! I'm gonna die in a graveyard!

At least it'll make one person's life easier.

Flying punch!

Gary! You came!

Ooh, he's running again, Donkey!

Check this: sword, make me better!

♪ Through the distant night I become myself! ♪

♪ But a better version of myself! ♪

♪ I'm the best!

Oh, yeah, I've always wanted to see that, Gar!

Pretty cool, right?

Oh, fuck yeah!

Okay.

Okay, baby bitch, time to finish you off.

Please don't hurt me again.

No, no, no.

The doctors had to amputate my arm.

It was an accident. I thought you were the demon.

What about me, Gary?

You killed me.

Teen Corey.

I was chasing a demon through the mall and you got in the way.

You were wearing your ear buds.

Craig, my old cat. I didn't kill you.

I mean, I guess I had you put down.

Well, that's because you had hyperthyroidism, remember?

What about me, Gary?

Janine.

Oh, don't do this, demon.

Please.

It's okay, Gary. I'm here.

Oh, Janine.

I've missed you so much.

You gotta finish her, Gary.

I can't!

It's an Obake demon, Gar.

It's manifesting your sadness. You gotta finish it now.

I don't care! I miss her and I love her.

Finish her!

It's okay, Gary. I'm here.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

This doesn't feel good.

I know, buddy. I know.

You know I was gonna kill myself with your gun earlier?

Oh. Uh... really?

Yeah. Oh, here it is, by the way.

I don't want it anymore. I hate it now.

You know, when I feel like that, I have a little song

I like to sing that brightens me up a bit,

singing on my own in the shower or in the car.

I don't know if I want to hear a song right now, Hanley.

Well, you don't know until your ears get it.

Oh, no.

♪ No matter how you're feeling today! ♪

No, Hanley, would you shut up?

♪ The sun is gonna shine on you again, my friend! ♪

Okay, get off of me. Get...

♪ The sun is gonna shine!

Get your fuckin' hands off of me!

♪ The sun is gonna shine!

I don't wanna hear this song!

♪ The sun is gonna come out and shine! ♪

No, let go of me!

♪ Whether it's cloudy or night! ♪

Okay. I'm taking the car.

You can find your own way home.

♪ You just gotta wait for that special light! ♪

♪ I'm talking about the sun is gonna shine! ♪

I'm not listening.

♪ The sun is gonna shine on you! ♪

I'm not listening to your song, Hanley.

It sucks.

♪ Because it can't stay dark forever. ♪