Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

PRESENTER: Continuing with our range of casual evening wear,

I would now like to introduce Brigand, modelled by Janette.

Now, this evening trouser suit in crepe and sleazy satin

is two-toned in navy and white,

but is available, of course, in a wide range of colours.

Note the tight hipster pants and cigarette straight legs.

An outfit ideal for home entertaining or for more informal evenings out.

[APPLAUSE]

And now, to more formal wear.

We present Sarah, wearing a really eye-catching garment

which we have called 'Nik-Naks'.

This is a pink, pointed and frilled evening Bermuda dress in Giselle and satin.

Together with leg and hip-hugging Bermudas, transparent and floating

with a satin rib-length fitted top added for modesty's sake.

Something, ladies and gentlemen, that we have created for men only.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHATTER AND MUSIC]

[APPLAUSE]

[CHATTER AND MUSIC]

[APPLAUSE]

[CHATTER AND MUSIC]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[APPLAUSE]

[CHATTER AND MUSIC]

[APPLAUSE]

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much indeed.

That brings our little show to an end.

It's been a great pleasure to meet you tonight.

If you'd like to have a drink, with my compliments,

you're very welcome and Joan will be on hand to answer any queries you may have.

So, thank you again and goodnight.

Goodnight.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHATTER]

Freddy.

Fr€ddyl

Freddy, wait a minute.

Oh my, I beg your pardon.

Hello, Freddy.

Hello Freddy, I saw you at the Scotch last night.

So you did.

Freddy, be an angel.

There you go.

Hello, Freddy, what's new?

Nothing very much. What's new with you?

New gear, you like it?

It's very nice.

It's uh, just not my colour.

Hey listen, we're going into exports in a big way this year.

Be kind to us in your column, eh?

As it's my last week on Women's Vogue,

Claude, you can rest assured I shall be lyrical.

Yes, I heard you were leaving the Vogue.

What happened, you get the push?

Oh no, nothing like that.

Actually, it was Rosalyn.

You've heard of my fiance's, Rosalyn, have you?

Oh, that pretty fair haired girl, yeah.

Well, her old man heard about a job going with a small group

so she got me to write in.

They must have heard of me or something

because I didn't even have to have an interview.

Either that, or the old man must have pulled a few strings.

Needless to say, Rosalyn is highly delighted.

How come?

She doesn't exactly relish the idea of me working with these birds.

A little jealous is our Rosalyn.

Jealous? This blooming lot!

Must be mad.

Hey, come on. I'll get you a drink.

Uh-huh. Not through there, I'm being pursued.

Let's go to the pub.

I saw it over there, Janie.

Oh, here it is.

Honestly, he would have sold the damn thing, if he had half a chance.

[CLUB MUSIC AND CHATTER]

[LOUD CHATTER]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

God, there was a crush at the bar.

I've just seen Gus Carter over there.

Where?

Over there.

Oh, Gus Carter of the Echo.

By the way, when do you start working again?

I'm being brought before the big chief tomorrow.

That'll be a swinging occasion.

What magazine are you going to go to?

I have no idea.

It seems there are thirty in the group in all.

I must say, they all sound rather dull and not very 'me' at all.

Still, I suppose it will be good for my soul, or something.

[ROSALYN LAUGHS]

Happy?

Very.

Cheers.

Blimey, you downed that quick enough.

Do you want another one?

Please, darling.

[LOUD CHATTER]

Hello Freddy.

Hello Freddy.

Hello Annette, Carol.

Have you met my fiancée, Rosalyn?

Hello.

Hello.

Doesn't he dress beautifully?

And so quickly too.

The last time I heard that, I laughed until tears rolled down my bib.

Come on darling, let's dance.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

Hello, Freddy.

Kelly, I think this is yours.

Oh.

[MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC FROM INDOORS]

Honestly Freddy, that's just about the limit.

Oh, come off it, darling.

It wasn't as if I ripped her dress off on purpose.

It's just as well you're settling down to some serious journalism,

instead of playing around with those models all the time.

When you're in your newjob and we're married,

you can start thinking about the real things in life, like a home,

children Freddy, and fishing, and hunting.

Hunting? Hunting what?

Well, certainly not birds.

And don't forget mummy and daddy are taking us to the Garland tomorrow night

for their silver wedding anniversary.

Ajolly time will be had by all.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS]

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

Good morning.

Can I help you?

Yes. My name is Horn, Frederick Horn.

- I have an appointment... - Oh yes, Mr Horn.

Just one moment, please.

Yes.

[DISTANT DOOR CLICKS]

[MUFFLED CHOIR SINGING]

Mr Lambrey-Gusset will see you now.

Thank you.

[SERIOUS MUSIC]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Sit down, Mr Horn.

Would the gentleman like some tea?

Uh...

Thank you.

Yes, go on. I suppose so.

Now Mr Horn, I think you'll find being with us is a little different from um...

Woman's Vogue.

Woman's Vogue, yes.

Our publications are, shall we say, a little more high-brow.

Our chairman, Mr Miles Fanthorpe, dislikes anything immoral or cheap.

I understood I was to see Mr Fanthorpe this afternoon.

Of course, Mr Fanthorpe never comes to London,

he considers it far too corrupt.

In fact, none of us has ever really met him, though of course,

he keeps in touch with me personally by telephone.

Strangely, when I mentioned you to him, he was very keen to meet you,

possibly because he wanted to make sure

you were a person of complete moral integrity.

I can't think why, unless it was because of your previous engagement with um...

Woman's Vogue.

You know, he's a profoundly religious man.

Oh, I'm sure he is.

Sugar?

Two large ones, please.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Good heavens, Mr Horn, you won't have time to drink that.

Mr Fanthorpe gave me strict instructions

to see you catch the one thirty to East Grinstead.

That's where he lives.

His chauffeur will meet you at the station.

Yes, but there is one slight problem, you see, because...

Mr Horn, I feel you will find being with us most rewarding.

Goodbye, Mr Horn.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Woman's Vogue!

[TRAIN RUMBLES]

[BIRDS snue]

Mr Horn'?

Yes.

This way.

Thank you.

Mr Miles Fanthorpe is lecturing at the Women's Institute in the village.

We have to call there first to collect him.

[MILITARY MUSIC]

Nothing makes my blood boil more than to read in our national dailies,

'Blatant evidence of a sharp decline in moral attitudes.'

The divorce rate rising, obscene fashions, the miniskirt,

abuse of the Queen's uniform and...

...venereal disease.

[MILITARY MUSIC]

And I put it to you, do you want legalised homosexuality under Harold Wilson?

[CHATTER]

And with the advent of socialism in this country,

has come a working class attitude towards employers and indeed, towards manners.

[APPLAUSE]

Now, surely in a democracy, must this be a change for the worse as well?

This is why through the medium of my group of magazines,

I have endeavoured to drive home the true values of clean living,

in keeping with the great country that we were and I hope, still are.

[APPLAUSE]

And let us say another thank you to Mr Fanthorpe.

[APPLAUSE]

And here is Mr Fanthorpe now.

Mr Fanthorpe, this is Mr Horn.

How do you do, Sir?

How do you do?

Shall we go?

Yes, Sir.

[WHIMSICAL MILITARY MUSIC]

Mrs Whiteley's made all the arrangements for the surprise presentation

to Mr Fanthorpe tonight, Vicar.

Oh, good, good.

I do wish I'd caught him.

You see, I don't like going in unannounced.

We might find him in the middle of one of his literary evenings

and I don't want to appear rude.

Oh dear. Oh dear.

[SOFT UPBEAT MUSIC]

[WHIMSICAL MILITARY MUSIC]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ooh...

Thank god that's all over.

That's right, darling.

Get out of that gear and slip into something comfortable.

Are you sure it's alright?

Of course, and come on Freddy, sit down.

Sorry you had to be inflicted with that, old boy,

but the local gentry look upon me as the sort of village squire.

I gave them a new organ for the church

and do a bit on the council, and all that sort of thing.

Ah, Gunella darling, get me my usual, will you?

What do you have, Freddy?

[EROTIC MUSIC]

A White Lady.

I mean a gin and bitter lemon, please.

I see you like our little Janet.

She came to me eighteen months ago as an au pair girl.

Now she's my chauffeuse.

She certainly drives beautifully.

Relax boys, I'm just off for a dip in the lake.

[GIRLS GIGGLE]

Oh, we've got a session on this afternoon.

A session? A session of what?

Photographic.

Let me show you round.

Excuse me, but which magazine is this for?

It can't be for the Religious Man's Guide?

Oh lord no, dear boy.

It's for the Men Only.

For Men Only.

I didn't know that For Men Only was in your group.

Neither does anybody else, nor must they.

How do you think I managed to pay for those other tatty rags,

and that idiot, what's his name, Gusset?

Oh no, it'sjust a front for much more lucrative ramifications like this.

All a question of supply and demand.

Oh, thank you Gunella.

I'm preparing the Blue Room for our visitor, is that okay?

Perfect.

Well, I wasn't exactly planning on staying.

In fact, I have a rather important date with my fiancée.

It's her parents' silver wedding anniversary.

Oh, you've got plenty of time, old boy.

I want to introduce you to Rudy, our photographer.

I'll just make sure that he's finished shooting.

Cuddle it, darling, cuddle it.

Don't strangle it.

I'm cold.

Oh, no, no, no, Rudy.

That looks a little obscene.

Excuse me, dear.

There, that's better.

We don't want to be done again, do we?

How can I work?

How can I work?

He's very artistic.

Oh, I'm sure.

Let rne show you the lake.

What a good idea.

I do need to cool off rather.

It's that way.

Thank you.

Do I have to stay like this?

Lena, would you mind doing me a favour?

Certainly, Rudy, sweetie.

Would you mind walking across the room?

Certainly, Rudy.

Would you mind walking back again?

It's no good.

I'll never understand what they see in it.

[SOFT lvluslc]

[GIRLS LAUGH]

With your experience in the fashion business,

you should be the ideal man for the job.

You might even know a few models who would like to work for us.

You know, it's getting awfully difficult to find new girls.

Well, it's very flattering, assistant editor and all that.

But I have promised my girlfriend no more birds.

That's why I left Woman's Vogue.

Don't tell her, old boy.

Lord, I've kept all this lot secret for the past eight years.

By the way, do you play tennis?

I could lend you some gear.

I was rather good at school sports.

Good. You should fit in well here then.

[JOYFUL MUSIC]

[SPLASH]

[MODEL LAUGHS]

[GIRLS LAUGH]

I'm only a boy, come on, I can't swim.

It's twenty past six, he can't be working this late on his first day.

Alright, daddy. I'll go and see what's happened to him.

Good afternoon, has Mr Horn left yet?

Mr who?

Mr Horn.

Oh, I'm afraid we've got nobody of that name, dear.

But he started here this morning.

Oh, him.

Oh no, he doesn't work here.

Isn't he the Chairman's Personal Assistant or something?

Oh, well where can I find him then?

Oh, I can't tell you that, dear because I'm afraid I don't know.

Oh now, look here.

I'm sorry, dear.

[JOYFUL MUSIC]

I say old boy, you look a bit hot.

What you need is a good bath.

Stop it!

[GIRLS GIGGLE]

[GIRLS SPLASH AND LAUGH]

A little harder on the right.

[DOG BARKS]

[TRAIN CHUGS]

Ah, this is beautiful.

A phone call for you, Mr Horn.

For me?

Hello.

Freddy? Hello, Freddy, what's that noise?

ROSalyn?

Oh, nothing darling.

Just a couple of the office girls having a game.

Look Freddy, daddy's furious.

Do you realise you're supposed to be in London having dinner with us?

Why? What's the time?

I'll be right up.

Don't bother, I'll be right down.

But darling, it's miles...

Thank you, operator.

Hello daddy, I've found him.

Rosalyn, where the devil are you?

[WOMAN CRIES]

Where? East Grinstead?

What the... what are you doing there?

Ava, will you keep quiet?

My silver wedding.

My silver wedding ruined by that girl chasing that mod rocker.

I told her.

I told her!

Rosalyn, your mother is very upset.

Shall I come down?

Don't worry, we'll get up to town in time.

Bye.

Drive straight to the restaurant, I'll collect them and bring them along later.

But my silver wedding!

My silver wedding ruined!

Ruined! Oh, he's terrible...

[CAR DOOR SLAMS]

[SNEAKY MUSIC]

Aagh! Oh!

[SPLASHING]

[CHATTER]

Cheers, Miles.

I must say, I was very surprised to see you down here, Jenny.

Yes, I do quite a lot of work for Miles.

He's a darling.

Do you like this one of me?

Yes, I do.

It's... it's very good of your eyes.

Well, how do you like our layout?

We've made some good progress today.

You alright, Rudy?

Yes, love, but I want to get that colour centre page done this evening.

No dear, you won't do for that.

Who am I going to use?

Now, look Freddy, we're going to be very busy next week.

I shall want you for that.

It's our anniversary edition.

L.-

Anniversary! Oh.

Mr Fanthorpe, I must get back to London immediately.

Oh my god.

Rosalyn, what are you doing here?

I fell in the bath.

In the what?

In the bath.

The point is, what are you doing here?

We had a date tonight, remember?

We can still make it if we hurry.

And what am I supposed to do for a dress?

Oh, that's no problem, I'll go and ask one of the girls.

What girls?

Never mind, you can tell me later, and it had better be good.

I'd better go and organise the dress, get a shave at the same time.

HIS WIFE'S VOICE: My silver wedding, ruined!

My silver wedding.

My silver wedding!

My centre page.

Come on.

Are you the man with the dress?

You won't need that.

Ah, one moment, dear ladies, and I'll assist you.

There's a small climb I'm afraid but never mind,

it's much better than having to walk.

Oh, come along Mrs Whiteley, do hurry dear.

Alright, Esther.

[BELL RINGS]

[ENGINE REVS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Look, Mr Fanthorpe, please, I need this dress urgently.

I've got a cocktail dress, it's in the changing room down by the lake.

I've got one too, mine might be a better fit.

Oh, could you get them, please?

Do hurry.

I think you should be alright now.

Turn the car around, we're driving straight to the Garland.

I'm collecting my daughter and her so-called fiance'.

Good evening.

Ah, good evening.

I've already rung.

Obviously unsuccessfully.

I'll ring again.

[BELL RINGS]

Rosalyn, your father is at the front door, we've got to get out of here.

Well, slip out through the bar.

What about him?

Oh, I'll look after him.

[SERIOUS MUSIC]

Oh... good evening, ladies, do come in.

Good evening, Vicar.

Good evening.

What can I do for you?

Mr Fanthorpe, we are members of the Women's...

What is all this nonsense?

Where's my daughter?

[ENGINE STARTS]

That's my car.

Hey! Watson! Watson! Where the hell are you going?

[ENGINE REVS]

Get out of the way, Vicar!

[ENGINE REVS]

[SHOUTING]

Are you all in?

Blimey.

- What's happened, Miles? - What's happened?

Come on girls, we've got to stop them...

...or my double-life's ruined.

Quick.

Come on girls, quick!

Come on, in the car.

[GIRLS SHRIEK]

[ENGINE REVS]

[FANCY RESTAURANT MUSIC AND CHATTER]

[Soss]

My silver anniversary, and a poor little bride all on her own.

Oh, it's terrible.

Never mind that, that's [UNCLEAR].

Poor little bride's silver wedding.

Gorgeous.

Waiter, another and a bottle over there, please.

There she is.

I'm so sorry we're late but we got rather caught up, if you understand.

[CROSSTALK]

And where is your father?

Oh...

I'm here, dear.

You Turkish delight.

Vicar, shall we say grace?

Well, What do you think?

Very nice.

Are you enjoying your new job?

I suppose I am really.

Well, it's different anyway.

It most certainly is.

Now, who's going to take a hungry girl out to lunch?

What's the time?

Well, I can't think of anybody prettier so it'll have to be you.

Good.

Now, don't you think this is better than working with all those pretty girls?

Much better.

Much better?

My darlings, it's heaven.

Yes, I think that's lovely.

Come on, Hercules, put your arm up there.

That's right, and you just face him.

That's right...

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]