Original subtitles

Okay, now, you're totally putting words in my mouth.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

I said--

You said that Rebecca should send her boss an email

and quit.

Can I say something?

Actually, I said that she needs to look at why she wants

to quit the job and then figure out if it's the job

or if it's her.

Dr. Tom, can we go back in time five minutes

so that Erica can hear what she really said?

Guys--

What I said, what about what you said?

Guys!

This is my regret, remember?

Oh, I remember.

I'm just not so sure that Adam does.

What?

Why don't the two of you just step outside

and finish this in private?

We're trying to help you, Rebecca.

No, you're dominating the conversation.

And wasting time, late at night.

I'm up in three hours.

And I've already made my decision.

I'm not gonna send the email.

Instead, I'm gonna talk to my boss and work this out.

-Oh. -Why didn't you just say so?

I tried.

And on that note, I think we're done here for today.

Thank you, everyone.

Do you think they hate us?

Whatever, it's late, everyone's tired.

Where are you headed?

Oh, just back to bed.

Yeah, I'm helping some friends

plan this Pride party tomorrow.

Oh.

Yeah, you?

I have to work on my application

for this landscaping program.

Oh, hey, that sounds like fun.

Actually, it's not really my thing and it's due Monday.

If you want, I could help you with it.

I am an editor, you know.

That's okay, you're busy.

No, it's just a party.

It's not a big deal.

If you want, just swing by my office.

It's next to Goblins Cafe.

Yeah, maybe, yeah.

I might take you up on that.

Thanks.

Okay.

'night.

'night.

[soft music]

Desire, it's powerful, maddening and utterly unpredictable.

All too often we deny the desire we feel hoping that

that will make it disappear.

[guitar music]

Along with all the uncomfortable questions

we don't wanna answer and the complicated truths

we'd rather not see.

What happens when desire rises within us unexpected?

How do we stand against it?

And should we even try?

Adam.

Shh!

[soft music]

Oh my God, Adam.

♪ It's glimmer inside of me

♪ Who I will always be

♪ Open me up to my heart

♪ Feels like I'm seeing in the dark ♪

♪ To do it all over again and again ♪

♪ Until the end

♪ Some of my dreams and everything I ever wanted ♪

♪ To be

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Funny, I thought it'd be bigger.

How much bigger did you want it?

Why is this an ice penis?

That's what you told me to order.

No, I asked you to order an ice Venus.

Like the planet?

No, like the Venus de Milo, the goddess of love,

she without arms not this phallic monstrosity.

Cassidy!

Hey!

Oh, you're here!

Oh.

Erica.

I can't believe you're here.

It's my one day off,

of course I want to spend it with you.

Hi.

Oh, sorry, guys.

-I'm Dave. -Hi.

This is my partner, Ivan.

Cassidy.

Erica's never mentioned you before.

Cassidy, she is an old friend and she's in town for Pride

and we hardly ever get to see each other.

I hope you guys don't mind me crashing your party

but I promise to be useful.

Absolutely, the more the merrier.

Oh, Erica, you're here.

Happy Pride.

Julianne, this is a really good friend, Cassidy.

Cassidy, this is Julianne.

-Hi. -Hi.

Wow, I feel like we're really underdressed.

[whistle blowing]

Well, I hate to be a drill sergeant, David, but the parade

starts in T minus two hours and I'm looking at a pile

of decorations and a melting penis.

Okay ...

Okay, Julianne, I have you on votives and table runners.

Yes, sir.

Okay, Ivan, you're in charge of the audiovisual display.

You can count on me, Commander.

Erica, you're making the sign with Cassidy.

Perfect.

And Doug and Richard--

-Oh. -[splashing]

Oh, dear Lord.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

-God, I'm soaked. -Okay, Ivan, just stay calm.

Stay calm?

No, I will not stay calm.

I am taking control of this platoon.

Doug and Richard, grab the mop.

David, put your penis in he freezer.

After the parade, this is gonna be party central

so we need to be ready.

So let's move!

[whistle blowing]

[Mom] Hello, I'm home.

What'd you buy?

A new light fixture for the dining room, some paint,

some brushes, some speakers.

What are you gonna paint?

This fireplace.

I've always hated this brick and I've never done anything

about it.

So today I woke up and I thought, today is the day.

[phone ringing]

Someone named Lennon is calling you.

Lennon?

Really?

What does he want?

To start a revolution?

I don't know, why don't you answer it and find out.

Hello, Sam speaking.

Hey, Sam, how's it going?

Good, really good.

It's my first day off in three weeks.

Yeah, I know it's your day off.

Mine too, that's why I'm calling.

Oh, okay.

You don't have to save lives, I don't have to clean floors

so instead, I thought if you're free maybe we both could

head to Joe Rockhead's.

You're inviting me to go rock climbing?

[Lennon] Yeah, you said you wanted to go.

Uh, what time?

[Lennon] How's one?

I could probably make that work.

Good, very good.

I will see you there.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

[jazz music]

What?

This feels very familiar.

[laughs] She's blushing.

Changing the subject, why don't you tell me about

what brought you to this panel that you're on?

Well, I'm moderating a discussion on inversion rituals

for UT's Pride Week.

Inversion rituals?

Yeah, you know, a ritual day where everyone goes nuts

and breaks the rules.

Oh, so Pride would be a classic example.

Yeah, Pride, Mardi Gras, Halloween.

Every culture has one.

It's a special day where we violate the social order.

It seems silly but it's actually a really healthy release.

It allows people to act out the way we would

in our fantasies and our dreams.

What?

Nothing.

Look, paint faster.

Ivan's gonna kill us.

Ugh, this isn't working.

Come in.

I found some extra shirts laying around

so I thought maybe--

Thank God.

You might

want to try one or ...

Mm, so it's either chop down a forest or join the Army.

Timber.

So I'll just leave that to Jerry.

And well, huh?

It's great.

No, no, for Pride I think it needs a little more of this.

Is that better?

It's a different way to go, definitely more retro.

Ivan, when a girl asks you if she looks "better",

what's she's really asking is do I look hot or not.

Sure, you look great, hot as a jalapeno.

You're funny.

You're hopeless but you're funny.

Muah, thank you for the loaner.

So Helen and I just bought a place

in the Giardien's District in Sao Paolo.

You need to come visit.

Oh, a trip to Brazil.

I think I can be talked into that.

Who is that?

That's Adam.

He's cute.

You're hiding, what are you, four?

Look Cassie, I'm not hiding I'm just processing.

Okay,

you've been holding out on me.

Who is this guy?

He's just a guy.

And you like him.

No, no, he's totally not my type.

We're very, very different.

If Ethan is here, Adam is all the way over there.

You think that's a bad thing.

Erica.

Adam, hey.

Hey.

You made it.

How's the essay?

Not great.

I got three paragraphs and they're shit.

Sorry, I'm Adam.

Cassidy, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

You sure this is okay?

You're not too busy?

No, it's fine.

It'll just take a couple minutes.

Erica, really, take your time.

You can be brutal, I can take it.

No, I mean, it's not bad it's a little impersonal.

Impersonal?

Yeah, well, you keep listing what you know

and what you've done but you're not really

revealing anything about yourself.

Okay, so tell me what you love about landscape design.

Well, I love that it's both an art and a science.

The science part is about solving problems.

Great, like?

Bad grading, poor drainage, narrow lots

but then there's the arts, you know.

Looking at a big expanse of dirt

and seeing what it could become.

That's the kind of thing I should be putting in, right?

Mm-hmm.

Right?

Right, yep.

Sorry, it's been a while since I wrote an essay.

No, it's okay.

It's totally fine.

I mean, it's always good to have someone else read it.

You're really good at this.

Writing essays, well ...

No, helping people.

You kicked my ass last weekend.

You're gonna make a great doctor.

Thanks.

Well, this should probably be enough to run with.

-Yeah. -Okay.

Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

No, gosh, not at all.

-Here. -Not at all.

After you.

Thank you.

Oh!

Running away will never make you free, Kenny Loggins.

I'm not running away.

No?

Okay, I am running away but sometimes you're supposed

to run away.

Erica.

What do you want me to say?

Am I attracted to Adam, yes.

Am I gonna do anything about it, no.

And why not?

Because it's clearly a bad idea.

I mean, we're like oil and water together

and he's completely different from me and

we're in group together.

Are you familiar with Freud's theory of personality?

That's the ego and the super ego and the id.

Yes.

The id lives in our subconscious.

It is the force that drives our most primitive impulses.

And the ego is the self and the super ego

it keeps the id in check.

Exactly.

You see, we spend most of our lives stopping ourselves

from doing what we really want to do,

which makes sense obviously.

If everyone did whatever they wanted,

my God, there'd be chaos.

You're not gonna ask me to walk down Young Street naked,

are you?

Not unless you want to.

No.

But what I am gonna ask you to do is let today

be your own personal inversion ritual.

Really?

Really.

Today, Erica, I want you

to follow all of your impulses

no matter how uncomfortable that they may make you.

Sounds terrifying.

Yeah, yeah, that's the idea, yep.

Okay.

Have fun.

Oh!

-Sorry. -You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Alright, I'll see you in group.

Sounds good.

Oh!

Sorry.

You okay?

Are you sure you're alright?

Uh-huh.

Alright, I'll see you in group.

Adam,

why don't you stay and hang out for a bit?

Okay.

Great.

[dance music]

Here, let me.

Let me help you with that.

Yeah.

My God, what are you doing, you freak?

Thank you.

I really wanted to touch his muscles so I did.

[Parade Goer] Hey sexy.

Wow, that was a first.

I bet.

Actually, this whole day is a first.

What, you've never been to Pride before?

No.

Oh.

Things change.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So how'd you know Cassidy?

Oh, she's an old friend.

Actually, I used to have a crush on her.

Really?

Yeah, I mean, she's pretty special.

She's smart and tough and interesting.

Too bad I'm straight, though.

Nice, find a guy like her and you'd be set.

Yeah.

Okay, I can't see the parade.

Do you wanna be my personal step ladder?

-Come on. -Sure.

Hello?

Hello?

I brought my tools.

I'm in here, Gary.

Whoa.

I thought we were hanging a light fixture.

Oh and some speakers for the stereo system.

Gary, this house is caught in a time warp

and it needs a face lift

which is also why I'm painting the fireplace.

Here, look at the color.

Tell me what you think.

Oxblood.

Why are you looking at me like that?

I'm not looking at you like anything.

You are.

You think I should leave it the way it is.

No, Barb, do whatever you want with the fireplace.

It's fine.

But ...

But what?

I know you're feeling restless, which is fine,

makes sense given what you're going through--

Gary, I know what I'm going through which is precisely

why I wanna do all of this.

I've spent too long putting this stuff off.

So, where do you wanna hang the speakers?

On the wall by the kitchen doorway.

[dance music]

So, how's it going with Mr. Manly Man?

Oh, would you stop it.

Adam, he is beyond not right for me, okay.

Okay, if history proves anything, Erica,

it's that you have no idea who's right for you.

What does that mean?

That your problem when it comes to men

is that you keep going after these safe relationships

where you have all the power and you call all the shots.

No, that's not true.

Ethan, that guy before him.

Ryan.

What you need is somebody strong.

You know, someone who can meet you where you are,

someone who can challenge you, someone with balls.

[laughing]

I just want you to go after what you really want for once.

What I really want is those shoes, that dress

and ...

Come on, hey, where are you going?

Five minutes.

[dance music]

Hey guys!

What are you doing?

She's molting, ooh.

I saw this in the storefront back there and I thought,

if I'm ever gonna dress up in public,

today's the day to do it.

[laughing]

Go Pride!

Come on, we're missing the parade.

Let's go.

Good.

I'm gonna do that?

No, maybe some day.

I thought we'd start off with the rock climbing equivalent

of a bunny hill.

Over here.

Come on.

Okay, tell me what to do first.

Alright, start with the harness.

Okay.

You wanna make sure that you got this on securely.

Okay.

I learned that the hard way

when I was climbing on Wye Creek in New Zealand

a couple years back.

I fell 30 feet.

Oh my God.

Yeah, luckily, I just broke my one ankle but still.

So wow, New Zealand and Thailand, you get around.

Yeah, I try to.

Next trip, Brazil.

When's that?

When I save up enough money from cleaning up after you,

Dr. Strangelove.

Alright, so to finish this off, we'll tie down your leg.

How's that?

It's good.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Alright.

Samantha?

-Pam. -Hi!

[Sam] Oh, wow.

This is random.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Pam.

Sam and I went to Med School together.

Sorry, this is Lennon.

He is teaching me rock climbing.

Oh, do you work here?

No, no, I work at the hospital.

Damn, where are my carrot beaters?

Do you mind if ...

No, of course.

Okay, sorry, I'll be right back.

Ooh, look at you back in the saddle.

Well, so how are things?

Are you still at St. Mike's?

Sam, come on, I wanna know everything.

So you met at work, what's he do?

Lennon?

He's a general surgeon like me.

God, why are the surgeons at St. Mike's not that cute?

[laughing]

Oh, there's my instructor.

Can we catch up when we have more time?

Sounds good.

-Okay. -Okay, see you.

Bye.

They were in my knapsack.

Oh.

You ready?

Totally.

[dance music]

I love Pride!

Pocahontas.

Come up here and dance with me.

Me?

Oh, no, no thanks.

Actually, that looks like a lot of fun.

Adam, come here.

No way, I can't go up there.

Yes, you can, come on.

Julianne, come on.

No, Erica, Erica.

Go.

Cassidy!

[cheering]

[soft music]

Oh, what a day.

Yeah, it's not how I expected to spend my weekend,

dancing on a float, another new experience.

Oh gosh, sorry.

Careful.

Sorry.

You might wanna ditch those shoes.

Yeah, maybe we could just sit down for a sec.

Yeah.

Thanks.

[laughing]

I had a really great time today.

Me too.

Thanks for inviting me.

Erica.

Sorry, I just had an impulse and I went for it and

sorry.

You don't need to apologize.

I respect what you bring to group

and I really enjoy spending time with you.

Me too.

I just don't think of you that way.

Sorry.

No, totally,

I get it.

We should probably catch up with the others, I think.

Actually, I think I'm just gonna head home.

Oh, sure, okay.

See you in group?

Yeah.

Okay.

[dance music]

Hey, you.

Hey.

I thought you could use this.

Alright.

Ugh, it's strong.

Very, that's the point.

I feel so humiliated, you know?

Yeah, I know.

Because this is what it felt like when you and me--

When you rejected me.

I am not saying that to make you feel badly, but yeah,

it sucks when you like someone and they don't like you back.

At least they don't like you the same.

So, drink up.

It'll numb the pain at least for a while.

Whew!

Oh, hey Care Bear, I'm just gonna pop back

into the storage room to get more nachos.

[panting]

Take a picture, it lasts longer.

Oh my God.

No, no, no.

I was getting some snacks.

Here, take this bowl.

Julianne!

Oh,

must teach Dave that move.

You're doing great Sam.

You okay?

First time?

Yeah, she's always wanted to try and I've been climbing

for years so I thought I'd just show her the ropes.

It's funny, you're like the fourth surgeon I know

who climbs.

It's gotta have something to do with the rush we get.

We're all adrenaline junkies, huh?

Yeah, yeah, I guess we are.

Dave, can I get another one of these

pretty purple drink thingees, please?

[Dave] Okay.

Listen, let's catch up.

Definitely, let's catch up, okay.

Thank you, I'm sorry.

Enough, stop avoiding me.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Yes, yes, you do.

Can we not discuss this?

You caught Richard and Doug, my two hottest friend

going at it and you liked what you saw.

I liked what I saw.

So what?

So, it's embarrassing.

Why?

Because it is, okay, you might be all open

and out of the closet and you might have "come to terms"

with your gayness.

Watching two guys have sex doesn't make you gay, Julianne.

Okay, I know that.

I'm just saying, you're used to weirdness.

I'm not.

Oh.

So being gay is weird?

No, that's not what I meant.

No, but that's what you said.

Happy Pride.

It's the green wire.

You see it?

Yeah, yeah, I think I got it.

-Whoop. -Oh!

So, do I just pull it out?

Yes, that would be great.

[laughing]

Gary,

do you still think I'm pretty?

What?

No, just look at me and answer the question and don't lie

because I can always tell when you're lying.

Yes, I still think you're pretty.

I never stopped thinking you were pretty.

[soft music]

Oh, wow.

I'd like another penis colada.

Hey, our little red-headed friend is cut off.

What?

Come on.

Erica, honey, you smell like a distillery.

Oh and what are you, huh, my mother?

My father?

Because you're not.

Erica, I just think that--

Whooped, that's right, I whooped you, you big bear.

Okay, no, no, no but, but, no, no, no.

I said no.

You, my dear, do not belong behind the bar, okay?

You can't make me.

No, Erica, honey, come on.

Come on, now.

[laughing]

I used to dance on bars.

I was actually very entertaining.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, my!

Okay, alright, get ...

No, don't even think about it.

Don't touch it.

Mr. Penis.

Erica, no.

So sparkly.

Erica, get down off the bar.

Get off the bar.

No, Ivan, let go.

-Erica. -Ivan, let go.

Ivan, let go of me.

Let go!

[ice shattering]

[dance music]

You know, maybe nobody even saw the part

where I was hugging it.

Maybe they think that it just fell over on it's own.

Just don't worry about it, okay, I just want you

to come over here on the couch and try to sleep this off.

Oh, Cassidy.

Oh, we should've just hung out on the patio,

just you and me.

Yeah and why's that?

Because then we could've had a real visit.

And you could've avoided all this, right?

Erica, when you go after what you want,

sometimes it works out and sometimes

it ends up with an ice penis being smashed to smithereens.

Oh God.

Now get some sleep.

You'll feel a lot better when you wake up.

Thanks, Cassidy.

Yeah.

Look, what I said before,

it was awful and it was insensitive

and I know it's easy for me to say this now

but it wasn't what I meant, at all.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, I heart the gays.

I'm in awe of you, the way you embrace who you are

and what you like.

There's such a freedom in that.

In theory, but you'd be surprised

how people still put you in a box.

How?

Well, look at me and Dave.

We're not exactly gay poster boys.

Oh whatever.

Dave's cute.

Dave's hot.

He is to me.

And ...

And what?

Nevermind.

Oh, hello, big sharing moment going on here.

And what?

Well, you know how most people say that straight people

are 10% gay?

Oh, I kissed a girl once in University.

See, well, gay people also sometimes can be 10% straight.

-Oh. -[Ivan] Yeah.

I mean, I'm attracted to big hairy dudes most of the time

but I also sometimes find myself attracted to

slender blond women.

Really?

Yeah.

-Well, I gotta go. -Yeah.

So is it normal for my forearms

to feel like they're on fire?

Yeah, you just need to use your legs more.

It's a beginner's mistake.

Oh, I'll remember that for next time.

What?

I'm just checking to see if you're telling the truth,

that you do actually want there to be a next time.

Of course I do, why wouldn't I?

Why did you tell your friend I'm a surgeon?

Lennon, I'm sorry.

There's no excuse.

It came out of my mouth.

I don't even know why.

You don't know why you just didn't tell her I'm a janitor?

I don't care what you do for a living.

But you care that other people do.

Oh God, I feel like jerk.

I'm shallow and a snob.

I don't know why I care.

I don't wanna care.

I know it's stupid to care.

Hey, if you care, you care and I get it.

I'm a janitor, you're a surgeon.

It's weird enough that we're friends.

Why are you being so nice?

You should be mad at me.

No, there's no point.

Getting mad wouldn't change how you feel.

Well, how do you feel?

How do I feel?

I like you.

Yeah, you're smart, funny, attractive.

You wouldn't want to come in for a sandwich would you?

I'm starving.

I would love a sandwich.

Yeah?

Yes.

I can't believe we just did that.

I hope we didn't just make a huge mistake.

[laughing]

Okay, I need a glass of water.

I need to find my pants.

Mom, you home?

I brought ...

Oh my God.

[knocking]

Come in.

So, we're gonna head out

but I just wanted to say goodbye

and make sure you don't feel weird about what I said before.

Ivan, you're not the first gay man to be "into me".

Oh, so we're cool, then?

Yeah, we're cool.

Oh, I just have one question for you.

Before I told you that I kissed a girl,

have you ever kissed or maybe more?

Kissed?

Yes, when I was a teenager.

More than that, no.

Well, just given your "homo flexibility",

aren't you at all curious?

Definitely.

I mean, when you were standing there in your bra ...

Anyway, we shouldn't be talking about this.

No, no, no, no, no tell me.

You were what?

I've always wondered about breasts, what they'd feel like.

Guys don't have them.

Dave kind of does.

It's a joke.

Okay, go ahead.

What, no!

What, oh, come on, it's no big deal.

No!

Here.

Okay, that's enough.

Yes, that is.

Ivan, what's the security code again?

I'll be right there.

Thank you, Julianne.

Okay, sure, see you later.

[soft music]

Desire, it is the most powerful force on earth,

the seed from which everything begins.

It upends the best laid plans.

It challenges who we think we are.

It defines what we think we need.

I was hoping to run into you.

It's a beautiful night.

After a crazy day.

How was it?

I don't know about my id but my ego it's pretty bruised.

I'm just glad it's over.

There's only so much ritual inversion a girl can take.

You followed your impulses today

and that led you to have some new experiences.

Like being rejected?

Let me tell you, that was a lot of fun.

Erica, do you know what lies at the root of impulse?

Stupidity?

No, desire.

Desire, it's the fuel that drives us, right?

I mean, it's at the core of who we are and yet from our

very earliest days, we're taught to control it,

to suppress it,

to banish it

but sometimes a little inversion, that could be good thing.

How is what happened today a good thing?

Well, because you were brave and you were truthful

and you didn't second guess or censor yourself.

You said, this is me, this is what I feel and this is what

I want and then you let the chips fall where they may.

It's gonna be awkward with Adam.

What, it is.

Maybe or maybe Adam is just like you and just like me,

just like everybody else.

He's just walking around all day, stopping himself

from feeling what he's feeling and wanting what he wants.

What are you saying?

I'm just saying that this story like any story

has to play itself out, that's all.

And not you or I or anybody else can tell us

where that's gonna end.

Good night, Erica Strange.

[sighs]

[light music]