Original subtitles

What are you doing running?

I got this back.

Everything's okay.

Everything's not okay, Darryl.

This regret isn't about getting your Discman back,

it's about standing up to those guys who

took it in the first place.

I can't do it, Adam.

I know I'm supposed to, but I just I can't.

You can't?

You're physically and emotionally unable to step out

there and stand up for yourself?

Really?

Please don't make me do this.

I can't make you do anything.

This is going to hurt.

Hey, assholes!

You looking for me?

So?

How was it?

Great.

Really scary and painful towards the end, but great.

I couldn't have done it without this guy.

You did all the heavy-lifting.

Wait, was that modesty?

Darryl's go-to place is to play the victim.

No offense.

No, it's true.

Even after all the work I've done, it's like

in moments of stress, that old, weak voice

inside rears its head.

And that's gonna keep happening, my friend.

You can't outrun your demons.

Well then, what's the point?

The point is to limit their power by recognizing

them for what they are, just voices inside your head,

telling you what you can and can't do.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay, well, lots to think about there.

Well, unless someone else has something to add,

I think we're done here for the day.

Actually, I was just thinking that Darryl's regret kinda

reminded me of that issue you were having

with your boss, Rebecca.

We could explore that.

Yeah, we could, or I could get back to my birthday party.

Keener.

Agh.

You guys are just slackers.

I'm a slacker who needs to get back to work.

Bye, everybody.

Bye.

Well, no parties for me.

I've got a hot date with a Blu-Ray manual I'm editing.

What about you?

Big plans tonight?

Every night.

Well, see ya soon, Doc.

Good night, Adam.

[Erica Voiceover] They say that we manifest our

intentions, that we choose how we live.

But if life doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped,

it makes you stop and wonder.

Did you ever really have a choice, or is this just

the way it was meant to be?

How much of our lives can we choose,

and how much is just who we are?

♪ It's clearer inside of me

♪ Who I will always be

♪ Open me up to my heart

♪ Feels like I'm seeing in the dark ♪

♪ Waking me up to my heart

♪ To do it all over again and again ♪

♪ Until the end the sum of my dreams ♪

♪ And everything I ever wanted to be ♪

Hey.

Adam.

That looks good.

I like how the spacing between the plants

plays off the rocks.

It's nicely laid out.

Thanks.

You've got an eye for this, Adam.

A real talent.

I wish I could say the same about these guys.

Thanks.

I like the work.

And it shows.

So how long 'til you move on, Adam?

How do you mean?

I keep waiting for you to start your own

business and become my competition.

It's never gonna happen.

No?

Why not?

Well, you know I'm 34, getting up there.

Warren Buffet didn't make his first million

'til he was 32.

See?

I'm already two years too late.

Yeah, so, I better get down there and make sure

he doesn't hurt himself, yeah?

Uh, yeah.

John.

Hope you don't mind.

You won't return my calls, so I thought I'd drop in.

And don't worry, I just picked the lock, I didn't break it.

What are you doing here?

I can't come and visit my brother?

Hastings is dead, Adam.

He's dead?

The wake's today.

Was it an accident or did someone get to him?

No, he had a heart attack, right in front of me.

Shit.

Yeah.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

Me too.

Look, the wake's at Morrison's.

You gonna be there?

Can't.

I figured this was a waste of time.

It's not a good idea.

The man made you.

I thought maybe you'd wanna pay him some respect.

I wish I could.

Well, it's your choice.

But he'd have wanted you there.

Mom's had these since the '70s.

Oh no, no soy products.

No sketchy plastic cups.

Only organic meat, and milk, and fruits and vegetables.

And smoke.

Erica!

Oh shit!

No!

Hey, mom.

Why is my kitchen a disaster area?

We thought we'd clean the house for you.

Which we did.

And we thought we'd make dinner for you.

Which we tried to.

What's in this box?

Oh, mom, those are ancient.

They're probably leaching all kinds of chemicals.

You girls drank kool-aid out of these for years.

Yeah, and look at us, hm?

Oh, I picked those up from the hospital today.

We hold this great breast cancer support group.

A support group?

Mm-hm.

Well, thank you, girls, but I don't think

I need a support group.

Okay, well, if you change your mind,

all the info's right there.

Look, mom, why don't you sit and relax,

and we'll put dinner on the table.

Uh, here's a thought.

Why don't we go out to eat instead?

No.

You've been running around all day.

And I'll be fine if I'm out for a couple more hours.

Ma, I don't think that we need.

What?

I have cancer, not a heart condition.

Yeah, okay.

Let's just we'll get cleaned up and we will go out.

Okay.

I told you to put it at 375.

I did.

You put it up.

[knock on door]

Hey.

Hey.

What're you doing here?

We had plans.

Did we?

You forgot.

Typical.

You always forget.

Doesn't matter.

You're here now.

Stop.

Adam, I want to talk.

I don't feel like talking.

♪ [inaudible]

I gotta go.

Mm, I don't think I can let that happen.

I don't think you have a choice.

Oh always with the games, Jess.

That shit doesn't work on me.

I came over today to tell you that this has to stop.

That's why you came over, is it?

No.

Adam.

Jess.

Look, I can't keep doing this forever.

I'm not talking forever.

I know.

You never talk forever.

Look, we always knew this wasn't going to last.

You don't want a relationship and that's fine.

I'm just.

I'm just saying I've reached a point where I want more.

It's cool.

You do what you gotta do.

Bye.

[slow music]

So we're trying to lose the cops.

Hastings hits the corner so fast,

he flips the car onto the roof.

So we're sitting there, strapped in, upside down,

and he turns to me and he says, see, that's why

I don't drink and drive.

This shit's hard enough as it is.

Now, I think big Frenchie has a few words he'd like to say.

Well Hastings always said, if it's got tits or tires,

sooner or later it's bound to give you trouble.

Changed your mind.

I wanted to pay my respects.

You can speak after Frenchie's done.

I wasn't planning on saying anything.

Come on.

It'll make 'em happy.

Just go up there and crack a few jokes about the man.

It's no big deal.

Never give handshake that wasn't square.

I don't know if boss was a religious man, but I hope someone

is looking out for him like he was looking out for us.

To my friend, to Hastings.

-[All] Here, here! -Hastings!

Adam.

Hey, Frenchie.

Hello, everyone.

It's been a couple years since I've seen Hastings.

There was a lot of resentment there.

He resented me for abandoning him and I resented him

for bringing me into this life in the first place.

But intentions and everything else aside,

Hastings was always there for me.

Let's face it, most of us here don't have

anyone looking out for us.

He wasn't perfect, but he backed me up and he

taught me a hell of a lot.

For that, I'll always be grateful.

To Hastings!

[All] To Hastings.

That's good, French, thanks.

Come on, Adam, spill.

You always had something going on.

I remember Frenchie practically lived off your cast-offs.

I broke up with a girl today, French.

Too bad you weren't around.

I woulda introduced you.

See?

That's what I'm talkin about.

Ain't been the same since you left.

Yeah, 'cause Frenchie hasn't got laid since you left.

Adam, we're heading to Jilly's.

You coming?

No, I can't.

I gotta work in the morning.

Oh, we all gotta work in the morning.

Come on.

It's one drink.

Good to catch up.

It's up to you, Adam.

All right.

Why not?

Took it down to the track the other day.

Got it up to 240.

Zero to 100 in four and a half seconds.

That's pretty sweet.

What're you driving these days?

Big ol' stretch streetcar.

Thinking of getting a bicycle.

Bullshit.

Something funny, Frenchie?

'Cause you look like you could use some exercise.

I don't know how you gave it all up.

What're you doing again?

Gardening work.

General labor stuff.

Ah, sounds like minimum wage to me.

Well then, maybe I should just come back and take over.

I mean, that was always Hasting's plan, right?

Johnny, you never did have a sense of humor.

Don't worry so much.

Youse coming or what?

What're we doing here?

I have to get some smokes.

At Eddie's?

You couldn't stop somewhere else?

You don't need a bat for Eddie.

Tell him that.

Shithead doesn't listen to me.

John, I came out for a drink, not to beat

the crap out of someone.

You want to spare Eddie a beating?

Then go in there.

He'll shit a brick just seeing you, and then he'll pay up.

Oh, there goes my brother, turning his back

and walking away.

Again.

Eddie's on your conscience.

What're you doing?

What am I doing?

Yeah.

Hastings was grooming you, Adam, because you're scary.

Because you make the rest of us look

like goddamned boy scouts.

And you can live in a shit hole, and you can plant

all the pretty flowers you want,

but it's not gonna change who you really are.

Now get in there and do what you do best.

See?

Not so different after all, are ya?

What happened back there?

I should never've gone back.

Not to the wake, not for a drink.

You're being too hard on yourself.

We all take steps back.

And it's not like your brother didn't just

totally provoke you.

Just to be the devil's advocate I'm kinda

wondering why you got so angry.

It wasn't obvious?

It's because John, he touched a nerve, right?

And I just think that it's important to understand

why his words, they held so much power.

He was trying to get me riled and it worked.

Yeah, but why?

I don't know why.

Because he was being an asshole.

Adam, why don't you tell us about the boss from hell.

You're joking me?

No, I don't joke about these things.

Today?

It's the regret that screwed up my whole life.

And you had to wait until now to throw it at me?

Because you haven't been ready.

Until now.

So, please.

Um I was 21 and I couldn't get a job.

So my dad called in some favors.

Sean, my boss, he had it in for me from day one.

Hated my guts.

Every day, yelling in my face, over and over again.

Until one day I snapped.

[dramatic music]

The guy was pretty messed up.

I got six months and I came out full of hate.

People knew what I'd done, word had gotten around.

No one would hire me, except Hastings.

And so I signed up, brought my little brother into it,

and the rest is my sick history.

And?

If you could go back?

I would walk away from Sean, instead of hitting him.

But that would change everything, Dr. Tom,

and I know that's not how this works.

Well, why don't you let me worry about how this works.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Put your goddamn back into it.

And I don't want to hear your whining!

You're the most useless piece of shit I ever

had working for me!

Sorry, boss.

My five year-old daughter could do a better job.

Why don't you take a breather and come back

in about 15 minutes.

'Cause I don't take orders from you.

Okay, look, Sean.

You're losing it over nothing here.

I'm trying to do my job the best that I can.

If that's your best, then go!

Go!

You're firing me?

Yes, genius, I'm firing you!

You're fired!

Adam, what're you doing?

I'm trying to clean the mess up here.

It's always a mess.

I thought you were working today.

I was.

'Til that asshole fired me.

Shit.

Dad got you that job.

I know, John.

Don't you worry about dad, okay?

Hey, you want me to call Jer and Eric?

The four of us go down there tonight and kick

the shit out of him.

No, Johnny, I don't.

Why not?

He fires you for no reason.

Turn the other cheek.

Didn't you listen to anything Father O'Leary

said to you in Sunday School?

Nah, I was too busy trying to figure out how

to corrupt Rosetta Notarianni.

To the Fitzpatrick brothers, the toughest.

Best-looking Irish in Moss Park.

Lunch is on me.

No, John.

Yes.

You got fired today.

Let me do this for you.

Buy you lads a drink?

One of my boys, Frenchie, know him?

I know of him.

Tells me that you and Sean Foran had words today.

And now you're out of a job.

I have work.

Pays better than anything you're likely to get.

I'm honored, but, uh I don't think I'm

what you're looking for.

Let me be the judge of that.

No disrespect, but uh, I can't accept your offer.

Your choice.

Enjoy the beer.

Oh, and say hi to your dad for me.

Do you know what you just turned down?

What a darling little place.

Mom!

Is that top new?

Yes!

Yes, I bought it today.

The salesgirl talked me into it, and I'm glad she did.

Barb!

I'm so happy to see you again.

Your hair's gorgeous.

And so is your top.

Ooh-la-la!

Thank you.

Hi, I'm Ivan, and I love your decleavage.

Decolletage!

I'm sorry.

I failed high school French.

Oh, uh I'm gonna go make you that cosmo.

Make yourselves comfortable, and feel free

to entertain us with a song.

It's karaoke night.

[All] Oooh!

Oh, karaoke!

Oh, how fun.

Should we sing something?

No chance.

No way.

I am not singing.

Sam?

Sure, but maybe you should put your wrap back on.

Uh-uh, tut-tut-tut, chicken little.

Your mom looks faboo.

Thank you.

I figure as long as you've got it.

Flaunt it!

And I will sing whatever you want.

Just no Britney.

It's a deal.

Our mother the exhibitionist.

That top is crazy, right?

Erica?

Yeah.

Um, do you.

Do you want some wine?

I'm gonna go grab us a bottle.

Sure.

Did you come to sing a duet?

Uh, no.

But I was wondering if you could spare some time.

To help Adam.

Yeah, can I get two rye and ginger, and a couple

shots of Tequila, please.

There you go!

Wow.

That's quite the outfit.

It wasn't exactly my choice.

Whatever.

It suits you.

Mm!

So you here to check up on me?

Dr. Tom, he didn't tell me what I'm supposed to do,

or say, but he did tell me to follow my gut, so.

Well.

What's your gut telling you?

That big hair is not my friend.

And I am the one that's supposed to be asking the questions.

Sorry, doc.

Okay.

So?

How's it going?

Good.

Yeah.

I'm hanging out with my brother back before he became

an asshole and it's been fun, and kinda tough

to see him like this, but.

But what?

In my original time line, I was rotting away

in a prison cell at this stage.

But this time i didn't hit my boss, I blew off Hastings.

Technically, I've avoided the things that led me

to become a criminal in the first place.

So now what?

Pfft!

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Okay.

This might be something, your life,

it's a blank slate right now.

I mean this history you're creating, it's all new,

so anything is possible, right?

I suppose, technically.

No, it is.

I mean, you didn't commit the crime,

so you can, you can go out and you can do whatever

it is that you wanna do.

That's not how this works, Erica.

We don't go back to rewrite our lives.

I think that you're over-thinking it.

I'm just stating the facts.

Okay, the last time that we did this, you helped me figure

out how to live in the present, right?

Yeah.

I think that you should take your own advice and stop

focusing on what you can't do and what the rules are

and just, you know, spend today the way you wish

you could've the first time around.

[rock music]

John, pile the dirt high so that when it settles

the plant's not exposed, yeah?

How do you know how to do all this stuff?

You didn't steal these plants, I hope.

Do you like the garden, ma, or no?

I'm not weeding it.

So what do you think?

Looks good.

This is my kind of work.

We should start our own company.

Fitzpatrick Brothers Landscaping.

You two in business together?

The blind leading the blind.

I'm gonna go get supper.

Don't track any mud in with you.

What the hell'd you say to Sean?

Dad, he was looking for any excuse to fire me.

You know how many favors I pulled to get you that job?

You couldn't hold onto it for even a week?

How do you think that makes me look?

Dad.

Jesus!

Did I mess up your pretty garden?

Eh, I got two lazy faggots for sons now?

Come on.

That's the last time you'll touch me.

Do you hear me, you sack of shit?

Get off me!

Are you done?

I said are you done?

Yes!

Adam?

Breakfast is ready.

Are you gonna give daddy a kiss?

Can you take Amelia for a sec?

Do you want some coffee?

Sure.

Yeah.

Coffee would be good.

Hey.

Listen, UBC has offered me a guest

lectureship for the fall.

And I'm thinking that you should come to Vancouver

with me and Amelia.

Hi, Amelia.

Take two weeks off.

You need a vacation, Adam.

So can you do it, or not?

Sorry?

Have you not been listening to anything I just said?

Vancouver, this fall.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I just, uh.

I just feel a little strange.

Like sick strange, or?

No um.

Adam?

I don't know.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

It's.

Here.

Just take, take Amelia.

I think you need a break.

Maybe you should get John to run things for a while.

If you work too hard, you're gonna make yourself sick.

[phone rings]

Hello?

It's John.

We got a problem.

Are you gonna drop by the site today?

Yeah, sure.

Um where are you again?

Pape and Strathcona.

Okay.

Okay, I'll see you in a bit.

I gotta go.

Do you want me to drive you?

No, no, I'm fine, I just, uh.

Have you seen my keys?

You're sure you're okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

♪ Don't forget to take what's yours ♪

♪ I don't mind I'm not the only one ♪

♪ [inaudible]

Adam?

You okay?

Bea called, said you weren't feeling well.

Uh, no, I'm fine.

Just, uh.

Just slept badly.

What's the problem?

Well, you see on our plans here we wanted

to put the stone wall.

The whole area's wet soon as the boys started digging.

We're basically trying to put crush run into a pond.

Yeah, it's right there.

Show me where you're talking about.

Uh.

Okay, so here's your problem.

The front of the property drains into the street here.

So, if we lay weeping tile along here, run it right into

the flower bed there, and then dig a pit there,

say three foot wide and a couple of feet deep.

You can fill it up with the small stones

from that wheelbarrow.

The pea gravel?

Yeah.

Yeah, then throw some landscaping fabric over it to keep

it from clogging, and put a rock garden on top.

Sounds good.

I'll get the guys on it.

Okay.

All right.

You worked late again.

Yeah, yeah, we had, we had some problems.

Come to bed.

What's wrong?

I'm just I'm still feeling a bit odd.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Poor baby, you're so stressed out.

Yeah.

Let's just try to get some sleep, okay?

Okay.

Actually, I'm just gonna go and get

a glass of water, okay?

Okay.

You can't sleep, huh?

Why're you doing this to me?

I'm not doing anything.

I'm just showing you the result of your choices.

Yeah, choices I didn't make.

The first time around.

The first time around is the only time that counts.

This life isn't real.

The woman in there who I don't remember marrying,

the child I don't remember having.

None of it is real.

And I don't care what you say, we both know

I don't get to keep any of it.

"It is our imagination that transforms itself into reality."

Helen Araromi.

Oh, that's great.

You want a quote Dr. Tom?

How about you make your bed, you lie in it.

That's reality.

I made a choice to beat a man to a pulp and I have

to live with the consequences of that choice.

Well, if that's the way you feel,

who am I to stand in your way?

Put your goddamned back into it!

I don't want to hear your whining!

You are the most useless piece of shit

I ever had working for me.

Well, that was fun.

Thank you, Dr. Tom, for showing me what I already know.

Which is?

That I screwed up my whole life.

Come on, Adam, you know better than that.

I know better than what?

Than the facts?

Compare me to that other Adam and it's pretty

clear who's the loser.

I think that you're missing the point.

Do ya?

I do, and before you get your back up, just hear me out.

You know, you keep going on about how you have

to live with your past choices.

So great, live with them, but it doesn't mean

you should stop making new ones.

She's right, Adam.

You could still have that great life.

What?

You want me to get married, have a baby, start a company?

If that's what you wanna do, then yes.

You keep saying that that other life wasn't real.

So make it real.

I'm broke, I've got no education, plus a rap sheet.

Show me a woman that wants to marry that.

Excuses.

I think what the group is trying to tell you, Adam,

is that you keep seeing the mountain.

What mountain?

What're you talking about?

All the reasons, all the excuses, all the obstacles

that are telling you that you can't do it.

You just keep piling them on, making the mountain bigger

and bigger, when perhaps what you really need

to do is just climb it.

But you won't.

And it's not because you can't, it's.

It's because you're scared.

Adam, you're scared and you won't admit it.

You know, you're choosing to let your past define you,

when you could just choose something else.

Wow.

That's deep.

Adam, you need to shut up and listen to her.

No.

What I need is to call bullshit on this whole conversation.

Well done.

♪ Don't you know I'd never leave ya ♪

♪ And I'm hoping that you'll see ♪

♪ That when you come near me baby ♪

♪ I get a feeling that's too hot for me ♪

♪ Oh, it's way too hot for me

Oh my God!

Where have you been?

Luckily, somewhere far away from here.

♪ Baby keep me hot and ready all through the night. ♪

Wine?

Please.

So?

Does your mother still have it or what?

That was great mom.

Okay is something wrong because every time I turn around

you girls have that look on your face.

What look?

Don't give me that you know exactly

what I'm talking about.

You know, it's just that you've been acting

a little bit over the top today, mom.

And how should I be acting, exactly, Erica?

Look, you know.

Mom, we just want you to take care of yourself and just.

To act like a sick person should.

No.

No.

No, that's not what we mean.

You know what?

I think I'm gonna leave.

Mom!

Mom.

No, I'm done here for the night.

Could you girls please take me home?

Really?

You wanna come in?

If you have any ice, yeah.

Ow.

Well, you still know how to throw a punch.

You still know how to push my buttons.

Like father like son.

You seen him?

Dad?

No.

And I won't.

You?

Do you ever get sick of it, John?

The bullshit, the violence.

God, don't start with this again.

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I just wanna know.

Because I lived your life for a long time

and it got too much for me.

Yeah, well, I'm not like you.

So if you could wake up tomorrow, and walk away

from it all, you wouldn't?

No.

I'm good where I am.

But what about you, Adam?

You don't miss making real money, the respect?

Can you honestly sit there and tell me that

you're happy living like this?

No.

No, I'm not happy at all.

Well, shouldn't you be?

Yeah.

I should.

Well, I told the boys that I'd meet up with them.

You're welcome to come.

No, thank you.

But could you drop me off somewhere along the way?

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey, mom.

Uh, sorry, we don't wanna bother you.

No, you're not bothering me.

Sit down.

Well, we just, um, we wanted to apologize, for tonight.

Yeah, we know we upset you and that's the last thing

that we wanted to do, but we did.

I know you didn't mean to, and I know this cancer

thing is really hard for both of you.

We're not trying to make it about us.

At all.

I know that.

But I also know how worried you both are.

Hey, I'm worried too.

But at the same time I feel like I'm supposed to be

acting like a sick person.

Like I'm supposed to be following a script of some sort,

and I don't want that because I feel fine.

And I want to keep feeling and keep acting fine

for as long as I can.

Okay.

Does that make sense?

Yes.

Totally, mom.

Good.

I love you.

[knocking on door]

Coming!

Hi.

Hi.

Uh.

How did you know where I live?

The Internet.

Amazing resource.

Can I come in?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Of course.

This is me.

I, uh I came to apologize.

Okay.

I know you were just trying to help.

I really was.

And look, I'm, I mean, I'm new and I don't really know what

I'm doing in there.

You knew what you were doing, and you were right.

I just, you know I get what it's like to feel suffocated

by your past and to feel stuck where you're at.

You're right, I'm scared.

Especially now that I know I've gotta do something about it.

Yeah.

Anyway, sorry for barging in on you.

I should I should get going.

Okay.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

See ya.

Yeah.

♪ This time I fell so far [inaudible] ♪

♪ Some day I'll have to say I was [inaudible] ♪

♪ Sometimes a wishing well has a price for [inaudible] ♪

[Erica Voiceover] Choices, they are life's constant.

The choice to be brave and push forward,

to turn back and retreat, the choice to stand still

and watch the world pass you by.

Sometimes we tell ourselves that there is no choice when,

in fact, the exact opposite is true.

There is always a choice.

Hi, I'd like take one of your landscape

architecture courses, please.

♪ Finish up my day [inaudible]

[gentle music]