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1
00:00:00,373 --> 00:00:03,124
Have you imprisoned any
good novelists recently?
2
00:00:03,206 --> 00:00:04,165
(LAUGHS)
3
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:08,373
Selina Meyer!
The woman who freed Tibet!
4
00:00:08,456 --> 00:00:09,623
(APPLAUSE)
5
00:00:09,707 --> 00:00:11,915
-Lloyd is my real dad?
-Oh! I think I'm gonna be sick.
6
00:00:11,999 --> 00:00:13,582
Uh-oh, I think I know
what that's about.
7
00:00:13,790 --> 00:00:16,206
The governor called,
he wants me to resign as mayor
effective immediately.
8
00:00:16,290 --> 00:00:17,665
What?
You didn't do anything wrong.
9
00:00:17,748 --> 00:00:19,665
He's appointed me the new
Lieutenant Governor.
10
00:00:19,748 --> 00:00:21,665
"By giving Meyer the nomination,
11
00:00:21,748 --> 00:00:24,456
they can ensure
a Montez presidency."
12
00:00:24,665 --> 00:00:25,832
You look so familiar to me.
13
00:00:25,915 --> 00:00:28,498
You brought a woman into my
clinic to have her
14
00:00:28,582 --> 00:00:29,790
pregnancy terminated.
15
00:00:29,874 --> 00:00:31,373
Could you be
a little more specific?
16
00:00:31,456 --> 00:00:33,373
Ma'am, I'm sorry, there's
no easy way to tell you this.
17
00:00:33,623 --> 00:00:34,498
Your mother's boat
18
00:00:34,915 --> 00:00:36,957
exploded off the coast
of Florida this afternoon.
19
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,582
Andrew was the only person
aboard.
20
00:00:46,665 --> 00:00:48,957
Man:
Congratulations,
Madam President.
21
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,290
Thank you. It's very exciting.
Yes, we're thrilled.
22
00:00:51,373 --> 00:00:54,915
The woman who freed Tibet
is finally getting
her Nobel Peace Prize.
23
00:00:54,999 --> 00:00:57,165
Technically,
not a Peace Prize, ma'am.
24
00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:59,206
You've won
the Summit Peace Award
25
00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:01,582
- of the World Summit
of Nobel Peace Laureates.
- OK.
26
00:01:01,665 --> 00:01:03,165
It's kinda like
the Peace Prize Junior.
27
00:01:03,248 --> 00:01:05,040
The American voters
don't know the difference,
28
00:01:05,124 --> 00:01:06,456
and, frankly,
neither do I.
29
00:01:06,540 --> 00:01:07,874
Ma'am, I'm headed
back to the hotel
30
00:01:07,957 --> 00:01:09,331
to work on your
acceptance speech.
31
00:01:09,415 --> 00:01:11,248
OK, I don't know what
that's a euphemism for,
32
00:01:11,331 --> 00:01:14,290
but, Leon, you need to
really lay it on thick.
33
00:01:14,373 --> 00:01:17,248
- OK? Tibet, Tibet, Tibet.
- You bet, you bet, you bet.
34
00:01:17,331 --> 00:01:19,206
I wanna sound like Bono
trying to impress
35
00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:20,915
his own reflection
in the mirror.
36
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:22,957
- I understand.
- Yeah. Good.
37
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,456
Hey-- Was that
Colonel Al-Saleh,
38
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:27,999
the Butcher of Juba, back there
by the carving station?
39
00:01:28,082 --> 00:01:30,124
The Nobel people
don't ask too many questions
40
00:01:30,206 --> 00:01:31,665
if you buy a table.
Ma'am, at this point,
41
00:01:31,748 --> 00:01:33,290
they're just trying to avoid
losing the building.
42
00:01:33,373 --> 00:01:35,790
Selina:
My Nobel prize
really makes the point
43
00:01:35,874 --> 00:01:39,456
that I've got way more
foreign policy experience
than that half-wit Kemi.
44
00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:41,456
I think it's pronounced
"half-white."
45
00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:43,290
Well, "tomato, mulatto."
46
00:01:43,373 --> 00:01:45,957
Hey, ma'am,
Catherine and Marjorie's wedding
is in three weeks,
47
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,373
and her
and her wedding planner--
48
00:01:47,456 --> 00:01:49,707
Can you just say you?
You and Catherine.
49
00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:51,290
We're a little concerned
about sitting you
50
00:01:51,373 --> 00:01:52,456
next to Marjorie's shaman.
51
00:01:52,540 --> 00:01:54,456
- Hello!
- Congratulations, Mom.
52
00:01:54,540 --> 00:01:56,540
Thank you very much.
So, I understand
53
00:01:56,623 --> 00:01:58,748
we're having some sort
of a seating issue?
54
00:01:58,832 --> 00:02:00,748
Whatever you gals want
is fine by me--
55
00:02:00,832 --> 00:02:04,040
as long as someone
lets me have mini-vegan pigs
in gluten-free blankets
56
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,331
- at the reception.
- Oh, God.
57
00:02:05,415 --> 00:02:06,665
Listen, darling,
58
00:02:06,748 --> 00:02:07,957
why don't you get married
59
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,665
over here in Europe?
60
00:02:09,748 --> 00:02:12,373
Because without
an American marriage license,
61
00:02:12,456 --> 00:02:15,665
U.S. community property laws
do not apply, my darling.
62
00:02:15,748 --> 00:02:19,165
Marjorie is my soul mate
forever. I don't know why
you would bring this up--
63
00:02:19,248 --> 00:02:21,331
That's fine.
You and your
maid of honor here
64
00:02:21,415 --> 00:02:23,665
can sit me next to
whatever Injun Joe you want.
65
00:02:23,748 --> 00:02:25,165
It's your special day,
so...
66
00:02:25,248 --> 00:02:27,623
- Thank you, Mother.
- You're welcome.
67
00:02:27,707 --> 00:02:30,082
- I don't have a drink.
- I'll get it.
68
00:02:30,165 --> 00:02:31,957
Um... when...
69
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,331
am I getting my meeting
with President Lu
about the Montez stuff?
70
00:02:35,415 --> 00:02:38,498
- Oh, I can't hear you.
I can't hear you.
- Legally not present.
71
00:02:38,582 --> 00:02:43,124
Guys, I just need
to get in a room with Lu,
one on one,
72
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:45,790
so I can change his mind
about supporting me
for president.
73
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,124
Face to face,
I can convince
anyone of anything.
74
00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:49,248
- That's not true.
- Incorrect.
75
00:02:49,331 --> 00:02:50,456
You're both wrong.
76
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,456
- Both: You're right.
- OK?
77
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,082
Ma'am, Lu's people
have been Great-Walling us.
78
00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:55,540
I don't think they're
anxious to meet with you.
79
00:02:55,623 --> 00:02:56,874
That's why I brought along
some bait.
80
00:02:56,957 --> 00:02:58,248
- Minna: Selina!
- Minna!
81
00:02:58,331 --> 00:02:59,790
- Oh, Minna!
- ( Minna squeals )
82
00:03:00,874 --> 00:03:02,290
Lu developed
a real hankering
83
00:03:02,373 --> 00:03:04,582
for Finnish furburger
back at Camp David.
84
00:03:04,665 --> 00:03:06,874
He eye-fucked her so bad
he got retinal herpes.
85
00:03:06,957 --> 00:03:10,415
- Minna! Oh...
- Selina!
86
00:03:10,498 --> 00:03:12,165
- I don't get the attraction.
- Oh, I do.
87
00:03:12,248 --> 00:03:15,957
( music playing )
88
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,415
So, my last three lovers,
they are complaining
89
00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:21,290
that my naughty talk
is both incessant
and soporific.
90
00:03:21,373 --> 00:03:23,165
Maybe you should
let 'em choke you.
91
00:03:23,248 --> 00:03:25,707
You think they
would rather choke me
than listen to me talk?
92
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,582
I can only speak
for myself.
93
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,415
Uh, where is Lu?
94
00:03:29,498 --> 00:03:31,707
- Selina Meyer!
- Murman!
95
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:35,124
Oh, my gosh,
I didn't know
you were still alive.
96
00:03:35,206 --> 00:03:38,040
The Russians reinstalled me
when they invaded Georgia. Ha!
97
00:03:38,124 --> 00:03:39,582
- Oh, good for you.
- Factory reboot.
98
00:03:39,665 --> 00:03:42,373
Both:
Beep-boop-beep-beep-boop.
99
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,582
A bit of personal news.
100
00:03:43,665 --> 00:03:46,456
I recently bought
an English football club.
101
00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:48,040
- Oh, wonderful!
- Leeds United.
102
00:03:48,124 --> 00:03:50,540
No English players,
so pretty good team.
103
00:03:50,623 --> 00:03:52,957
- Oh.
- Selina, crazy idea I have.
104
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:56,206
What if I gave you money
to help you win your election?
105
00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:58,874
America does not stand
106
00:03:58,957 --> 00:04:01,623
for foreign interference
in our elections!
107
00:04:01,707 --> 00:04:03,790
- Who do you think that I am?
- Yes, of course. Of course.
108
00:04:03,874 --> 00:04:05,999
- It's an outrage!
- New topic. New topic.
109
00:04:06,082 --> 00:04:09,790
I want to buy
your Palm Beach house
for $114 million.
110
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,540
Needless to say, real estate
is a different animal.
111
00:04:12,623 --> 00:04:13,915
They're not making
any more of it, right?
112
00:04:13,999 --> 00:04:15,915
Everybody's
gotta live somewhere.
113
00:04:15,999 --> 00:04:18,456
I'd rather deal with
the Russian mob than with
those real estate people.
114
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:20,790
It's because
they're unethical,
that's what they are.
115
00:04:20,874 --> 00:04:22,540
Because they are working
on commissions.
116
00:04:22,623 --> 00:04:23,999
Yes! Six percent?
117
00:04:24,082 --> 00:04:25,248
It's abject greed,
in my view.
118
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,790
The 114 million
would be wired
119
00:04:27,874 --> 00:04:29,832
from the Seychelles
to Malta,
120
00:04:29,915 --> 00:04:32,456
then back to the Seychelles,
and then to you.
121
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,957
I'm very flattered, Murman,
I really am,
122
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,373
but your timing
is horrendous.
123
00:04:37,456 --> 00:04:40,748
Ahh. To live is to suffer,
Selina. The human condition.
124
00:04:40,832 --> 00:04:41,915
- Yes.
- Ahh!
125
00:04:41,999 --> 00:04:43,456
- White people problems, right?
- OK.
126
00:04:43,540 --> 00:04:44,874
- ( kisses )
- Thank you.
127
00:04:44,957 --> 00:04:46,790
Thank you, Murman.
128
00:04:46,874 --> 00:04:48,540
- ( chatter )
- Kent: You were right, ma'am.
129
00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:51,373
Lu's looking for the tickee
in someone's shirtee.
130
00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:53,082
Selina:
What's the word, Minna?
131
00:04:53,165 --> 00:04:55,665
President Lu will meet you in
the West Salon in ten minutes.
132
00:04:55,748 --> 00:04:58,748
- He seems quite excited.
- Yeah, we could see that
from here.
133
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,248
Selina: Keith.
134
00:05:00,331 --> 00:05:02,415
- Oh, hi!
- Where is Lu?
135
00:05:02,498 --> 00:05:05,415
You don't get to see Lu.
You need to go through me,
that's how this works.
136
00:05:05,498 --> 00:05:08,331
I know all about
Lu's secret plan
137
00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:11,206
to get President Montez elected
for a second term.
138
00:05:11,290 --> 00:05:15,790
So you go, and you tell Lu
that I want to talk to him
directly, right now.
139
00:05:15,874 --> 00:05:18,957
You're going to do
exactly what we say.
140
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,331
- I'm sorry?
- Or else we'll tell
the whole world
141
00:05:21,415 --> 00:05:24,498
how you vaporized
a DRA leader's wedding
with Hellfire missiles
142
00:05:24,582 --> 00:05:27,456
and also took a huge
laser-guided shit
143
00:05:27,540 --> 00:05:29,248
all over Pakistani
sovereignty--
144
00:05:29,331 --> 00:05:31,582
OK, A, that never happened.
145
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:35,248
And B, that footage
is highly classified.
146
00:05:35,331 --> 00:05:37,331
It was classified--
until somebody on your staff
147
00:05:37,415 --> 00:05:40,957
clicked on "Asian Girls
Bound and Gagged."
148
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,124
Oh, Ben.
149
00:05:43,206 --> 00:05:45,040
Or Kent.
150
00:05:45,124 --> 00:05:46,540
Or Leon. Oh, God.
151
00:05:46,623 --> 00:05:48,331
Or Marjorie. I mean, I--
152
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:51,248
Jonah, your
anti-vaccination message
153
00:05:51,331 --> 00:05:53,165
is bringing together
an unheard-of mix
154
00:05:53,248 --> 00:05:56,248
of Orthodox Jews,
uneducated fringe
conspiracists,
155
00:05:56,331 --> 00:05:58,290
and Kombucha-douching
private school moms.
156
00:05:58,373 --> 00:05:59,874
That's the real America.
157
00:05:59,957 --> 00:06:01,915
We've got three more stops
this afternoon.
158
00:06:01,999 --> 00:06:04,373
Look. If we go to Kentucky,
it's gonna look like a wang.
159
00:06:04,456 --> 00:06:06,999
The Great Lakes'll be
like the spooey.
160
00:06:07,082 --> 00:06:09,748
- ( phone buzzing )
- Jonah, it's your dad again.
It's the tenth time today.
161
00:06:09,832 --> 00:06:11,748
Hey, Siri,
you fuck my dad?
162
00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:13,373
Siri:
I don't know how
to respond to that.
163
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,540
Typical woman.
164
00:06:14,623 --> 00:06:15,707
- I know.
- That's mine.
165
00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:16,957
Clay, come on.
Let's go.
166
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,124
All right. How ya doin',
Harrisburg!
167
00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:21,748
- ( cheers, applause )
- Jonah: Yeah!
168
00:06:21,832 --> 00:06:23,498
( over P.A. )
Pennsylvania,
169
00:06:23,582 --> 00:06:26,915
you have the second-lowest
vaccination rate in the nation,
170
00:06:26,999 --> 00:06:29,040
and when I am
elected president,
171
00:06:29,124 --> 00:06:31,040
you will be number one!
172
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,415
- ( cheers, applause )
- Thank you, Pennsylvania!
173
00:06:33,498 --> 00:06:34,874
- ( mic clatters )
- Beth: Oh!
174
00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:37,790
Thank you! All right! Yeah!
175
00:06:37,874 --> 00:06:40,456
Oh! Oh, look at this baby.
176
00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:42,040
- ( crying )
- Mwah!
177
00:06:42,124 --> 00:06:44,790
Gary:
The menu has been an atrocity.
178
00:06:44,874 --> 00:06:48,290
The guests are vegan,
and the president won't eat
anything without a face.
179
00:06:49,957 --> 00:06:51,373
Selina.
180
00:06:51,456 --> 00:06:53,790
I saw President Lu leaving.
Is everything all right?
181
00:06:53,874 --> 00:06:55,748
Yeah, everything's
completely fine, Minna.
182
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,790
No. I can see the concern
in your eyes,
183
00:06:57,874 --> 00:06:59,373
even through
all the procedures.
184
00:06:59,456 --> 00:07:00,915
What is it?
Is it about the wedding?
185
00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:03,290
He told you?
186
00:07:03,373 --> 00:07:04,874
He would not stop
talking about it.
187
00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:06,999
He used the phrase
"complete atrocity."
188
00:07:07,082 --> 00:07:09,124
Complete atrocity?
189
00:07:09,206 --> 00:07:11,915
Minna, listen.
190
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:16,540
( scoffs ) So I droned
a couple wedding civilians
191
00:07:16,623 --> 00:07:18,456
on the wrong side
of the Af-Pak border.
192
00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:20,623
I thought you were talking
about your daughter's wedding
193
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,248
to your
homosexual doppelganger.
194
00:07:23,832 --> 00:07:25,874
Yes. I was.
195
00:07:26,957 --> 00:07:29,623
Um, "dr-droned a wedding"
196
00:07:29,707 --> 00:07:34,415
is, uh, American slang
for, uh...
197
00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:36,456
- "I got it, I nailed it."
- Yeah, I do not think--
198
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:39,915
No, no, no. Really.
Like, "I droned
that wedding, man!"
199
00:07:39,999 --> 00:07:41,915
I do not think
that it is slang
of any kind.
200
00:07:41,999 --> 00:07:44,165
Oh, I guarantee you it is.
Ask anyone... here--
201
00:07:44,248 --> 00:07:46,665
Man:
Mike, we have made...
202
00:07:46,748 --> 00:07:50,165
a lot of mistakes
here at CBS News.
203
00:07:50,248 --> 00:07:52,582
( laughs ) I know, right?
204
00:07:52,665 --> 00:07:55,082
But I think
you could be a big part
of turning that around.
205
00:07:55,165 --> 00:07:56,832
- Mm-hmm.
- As a special correspondent,
206
00:07:56,915 --> 00:07:58,415
you will be everywhere
that there's news.
207
00:07:58,498 --> 00:08:00,124
And I don't think it hurts
208
00:08:00,206 --> 00:08:03,040
that you will be
our youngest correspondent,
by a lot.
209
00:08:03,124 --> 00:08:06,082
- Aww. Thank you, sir.
- So we bought
the "McLintalk" name,
210
00:08:06,165 --> 00:08:09,165
but we did not get
all the intellectual property
from the old show. So...
211
00:08:09,248 --> 00:08:11,248
- I have intellectual property?
- Oh-- Yeah!
212
00:08:11,331 --> 00:08:12,999
The classic McLintalk bits.
213
00:08:13,082 --> 00:08:16,248
I mean, when your phone rings
in the middle of an interview...
214
00:08:16,331 --> 00:08:18,790
- Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.
- And the horrible wife?
215
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,623
- ( laughing ) She's horrible!
- A lot of that stuff
216
00:08:21,707 --> 00:08:24,373
I didn't know I was doing
until people pointed it out.
217
00:08:24,456 --> 00:08:27,206
- See? Keep that sense of humor.
- OK!
218
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,540
Because pretty much
everything else
is gonna change.
219
00:08:29,623 --> 00:08:32,415
Minna:
Selina, you have put me
in a terrible situation.
220
00:08:32,498 --> 00:08:34,540
You have just admitted
to being a war criminal.
221
00:08:34,623 --> 00:08:38,415
Do they give Nobel Peace Prizes
to war criminals, Minna?
222
00:08:38,498 --> 00:08:41,540
All the time.
Aung San Suu Kyi,
Henry Kissinger,
223
00:08:41,623 --> 00:08:44,248
and also, the prize
that you're getting,
it is not the Peace Prize.
224
00:08:44,331 --> 00:08:47,040
- Oh, don't start with that!
- It is a second-tier
Peace Prize.
225
00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:49,040
- No.
- It is made of
very hard plastic.
226
00:08:49,124 --> 00:08:51,748
You have left me with no choice.
I must report you.
227
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,165
Well, then you've left me
with no choice.
228
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,582
- Ha!
- That was your phone.
229
00:08:57,665 --> 00:09:00,040
I called Interpol
before we got in the car.
230
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,582
Selina:
Come on, wait up. Minna.
231
00:09:02,665 --> 00:09:05,790
Just a second!
Sweet Viking Christ!
Come on!
232
00:09:05,874 --> 00:09:08,582
Just call Interpol back,
tell 'em that
you made a mistake.
233
00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:12,665
I am sorry, Selina. I have
a commitment to the principles
of truth and justice.
234
00:09:12,748 --> 00:09:15,707
As the former president
of the United States,
235
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:18,748
truth and justice
can gargle my balls.
236
00:09:18,832 --> 00:09:21,415
- Ben: Move the fuck
out of my way.
- Kent: Ma'am, the ICC
237
00:09:21,498 --> 00:09:24,206
has issued a warrant
for your arrest for war crimes.
238
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:25,957
That's because
Autistic Barbie here
239
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,748
tattled on me over
the wedding drone strike.
240
00:09:28,832 --> 00:09:31,124
- Which one?
- Nope. The DRA guy.
241
00:09:31,206 --> 00:09:32,582
- Which was the only one.
- Correct!
242
00:09:32,665 --> 00:09:34,165
Secret Service says
the Norwegian police
243
00:09:34,248 --> 00:09:35,790
are all over the airport
and the hotel.
244
00:09:35,874 --> 00:09:37,707
- Seriously?
- You will be extradited
to the Hague
245
00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:40,456
and imprisoned
under Article VIII
of the Rome Statute.
246
00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:43,790
Selina, if you request it,
I can offer you asylum.
247
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,623
You can stay here
at the embassy!
248
00:09:45,707 --> 00:09:48,331
I'd just as soon stay
at an Embassy Suites.
249
00:09:48,415 --> 00:09:51,540
- Ahh!
- Ma'am... it's your only shot.
250
00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:53,957
- Yeah.
- Really?
251
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,790
Fine.
252
00:09:55,874 --> 00:09:56,999
I'll stay here.
253
00:09:57,082 --> 00:10:00,165
Good. Now you must
formally request asylum.
254
00:10:00,248 --> 00:10:01,748
Yeah, I'm just gonna go.
255
00:10:01,832 --> 00:10:03,456
They can shoot me
as I make a run for it.
256
00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:07,623
Fine. On behalf of the
Finnish Ambassador to Norway...
257
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,498
I grant you asylum.
258
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,540
- Uh--
- She prefers the word "spa."
259
00:10:13,623 --> 00:10:16,623
Dan:
Welcome to your new office,
Lieutenant Governor Splett.
260
00:10:16,707 --> 00:10:17,748
Here we go.
261
00:10:19,582 --> 00:10:22,290
Wait. What? No.
This is where you stick
an unfuckable intern.
262
00:10:22,373 --> 00:10:25,415
Oh, no, no, no.
When I was a summer intern
for Lieutenant Governor Plasko
263
00:10:25,498 --> 00:10:27,665
back in seventh grade,
I was in a much bigger office.
264
00:10:27,748 --> 00:10:30,248
We gotta get the morbidly obese
fuck out of Iowa.
265
00:10:30,331 --> 00:10:32,957
Last night I tried to find
one non-chain restaurant
to eat at,
266
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,290
and Yelp basically told me
to go Fuddrucker myself.
267
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:36,790
Sounds like
a settings issue.
268
00:10:36,874 --> 00:10:38,582
Listen, we gotta
get you national, Richard,
269
00:10:38,665 --> 00:10:40,832
so that's why I've already
booked you on "McLintalk."
270
00:10:40,915 --> 00:10:42,165
And I canceled it.
271
00:10:42,248 --> 00:10:43,790
Richard:
Governor Ballentine!
272
00:10:43,874 --> 00:10:45,206
You think you're hot shit,
Splett?
273
00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:46,915
First human mayor of Lurlene,
274
00:10:46,999 --> 00:10:48,999
straight to lieutenant governor
in just a few months.
275
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,124
- Thank you.
- Well, now you're
an ice cold dog turd,
276
00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:53,248
because you're not
gettin' my job.
277
00:10:53,331 --> 00:10:55,040
Governor, we have
the utmost respect--
278
00:10:55,124 --> 00:10:56,999
Save it, Manhattan
Date Rape Mystery.
279
00:10:57,082 --> 00:10:59,707
Splett, I'm gonna
bury you so deep
in bullshit make-work
280
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:02,498
people are gonna forget Iowa
even has a lieutenant governor.
281
00:11:02,582 --> 00:11:03,748
That shouldn't
be too hard.
282
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,040
( "McLintalk"
theme music plays )
283
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,206
This is Michael McLintock...
284
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:13,707
and it's time to McLintalk
with Michael Mclintock
285
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:15,290
on CBS International...
286
00:11:15,373 --> 00:11:18,206
Yes, I'm still holding
for Secretary Doyle.
287
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,498
- Mike looks good.
- Mm. So much better.
288
00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:23,206
What's he doing?
How long does it take
to change an adult diaper?
289
00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:24,790
Mike:
The Norwegian National
Police have surrounded
290
00:11:24,874 --> 00:11:26,498
the Finnish Embassy
in Oslo, Norway...
291
00:11:26,582 --> 00:11:27,707
Oh, my God in heaven.
292
00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:29,290
Selina, do you hate me?
293
00:11:29,373 --> 00:11:30,373
Minna, I'm on the phone.
294
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:31,707
Ma'am, the White House refuses
295
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:33,248
to get involved
in your situation.
296
00:11:33,331 --> 00:11:34,540
- What?!
- Although publically,
297
00:11:34,623 --> 00:11:36,082
Montez claims to be
considering all options.
298
00:11:36,165 --> 00:11:37,790
Privately, I heard
she's been doing
299
00:11:37,874 --> 00:11:39,290
impressions of you
getting broom-sticked
in prison.
300
00:11:39,373 --> 00:11:42,040
Are people actually laughing
at that impression?
301
00:11:42,124 --> 00:11:43,082
- No.
- Yes.
302
00:11:43,165 --> 00:11:44,290
Is this really just about
303
00:11:44,373 --> 00:11:45,790
me reporting you to the ICC?
304
00:11:45,874 --> 00:11:48,040
Yeah. How long
am I supposed to be here?
305
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,957
I could be dead before
you ever get outta here.
306
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,790
Well, no offense, Ben,
but honestly, that
could be, like, tonight.
307
00:11:52,874 --> 00:11:54,373
- God willing.
- I forgave you
308
00:11:54,456 --> 00:11:56,248
for not voting for me
to be the head of the IMF.
309
00:11:56,331 --> 00:11:58,373
Minna, you don't go to prison
310
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,540
when you're not the head
of the IMF.
311
00:12:00,623 --> 00:12:02,832
- Just the prison
of unmet potential.
- Ooh!
312
00:12:02,915 --> 00:12:04,957
Go sit in the corner,
Minna! Go!
313
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,665
Gary:
Here comes the shoes!
314
00:12:06,748 --> 00:12:09,999
Guys, how is this affecting
my chances at the nomination?
315
00:12:10,082 --> 00:12:13,498
You need to get in touch
with the American Ambassador
to Norway.
316
00:12:13,582 --> 00:12:17,040
Norway. Ambassador Costas
was Montez's husband's
chiropractor.
317
00:12:17,124 --> 00:12:19,415
Ben:
Yeah, he does most of his
ambassador-ing in Orlando.
318
00:12:19,498 --> 00:12:21,540
OK, that's everything. Ohh.
319
00:12:21,623 --> 00:12:24,498
I have no space
in this room!
320
00:12:24,582 --> 00:12:25,874
- I'll take it out.
- I cannot move!
321
00:12:25,957 --> 00:12:27,999
It's easy. We'll get it out.
Ow!
322
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:31,540
Selina, can I ask
just one teeny, tiny,
323
00:12:31,623 --> 00:12:33,790
very small question?
324
00:12:33,874 --> 00:12:35,331
Uh... yeah.
325
00:12:35,415 --> 00:12:37,498
- Minna.
- Yeah.
326
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:38,582
Yeah.
327
00:12:38,665 --> 00:12:40,623
From the bottom
of my heart,
328
00:12:40,707 --> 00:12:42,748
I truly and completely
329
00:12:42,832 --> 00:12:43,957
forgive you.
330
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,748
Now shut the living fuck up.
331
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,999
I am just sorry that
I cannot forgive you
332
00:12:49,082 --> 00:12:51,124
for killing all
those innocent people.
333
00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:52,790
Get out.
334
00:12:52,874 --> 00:12:55,206
- We are sharing a room.
- No, we're not.
335
00:13:00,248 --> 00:13:01,248
Yeah.
336
00:13:01,331 --> 00:13:03,582
Amy:
Streptococksucker.
337
00:13:03,665 --> 00:13:05,456
Do you have
the chicken pox?
338
00:13:05,540 --> 00:13:07,415
Clay gave 'em to me,
yell at him.
339
00:13:07,498 --> 00:13:09,124
- Clay: No, I didn't.
- Clay!
340
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:12,082
Oh, sweet pustulent Christ.
You need to see this.
341
00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:13,832
...-ease Control
is reporting
342
00:13:13,915 --> 00:13:15,623
a large chicken pox outbreak
343
00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:17,165
in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
344
00:13:17,248 --> 00:13:18,999
Oh, wow. We got out of there
just in time.
345
00:13:19,082 --> 00:13:21,165
That is the eighth
chicken pox outbreak
346
00:13:21,248 --> 00:13:22,665
in the last week,
347
00:13:22,748 --> 00:13:25,082
all in communities
with low vaccination rates
348
00:13:25,165 --> 00:13:26,832
but no other
apparent connection.
349
00:13:26,915 --> 00:13:28,832
Oh, my God, you Patient IQ Zero!
350
00:13:28,915 --> 00:13:31,665
You infected all those nutballs
who don't believe in
vaccinations!
351
00:13:31,748 --> 00:13:34,331
- Well, serves 'em right.
- Didn't you have chicken pox
as a child?!
352
00:13:34,415 --> 00:13:37,248
Were you too busy bed-wetting
and cutting fuck-holes
in watermelons?
353
00:13:37,331 --> 00:13:40,415
- ( knocking on door )
- Jonah: Amy, that only works
with fleshy melons.
354
00:13:40,498 --> 00:13:42,790
- Beth: Duh.
- And sometimes pumpkins.
355
00:13:42,874 --> 00:13:46,248
- Daddy!
- Hi, Bethy, I'm really sorry
I just showed up.
356
00:13:46,331 --> 00:13:48,915
- Oh, no. No! No, no, no!
- I really wanna have a chance
to talk with you, Jonah.
357
00:13:48,999 --> 00:13:50,832
Can't you see
I feel yucky enough already?!
358
00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,957
Jonah, I know that
you're angry with me.
359
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,331
I hate you so much
360
00:13:54,415 --> 00:13:56,206
I could walk into a supermarket
and shoot everybody.
361
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:58,623
It's all right
to feel that way.
362
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:01,456
I just want you to know
that I love you.
363
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,582
And I hope someday
you'll give me another chance.
364
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,290
OK.
365
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:10,415
I b-b-beg your pardon?
366
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:14,290
OK, you can be my dad.
367
00:14:14,373 --> 00:14:16,165
I can be what?
368
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,707
You can be my dad
if you want.
369
00:14:19,790 --> 00:14:21,373
Aw, come here!
370
00:14:21,456 --> 00:14:23,206
Aw, I love you, Jonah.
371
00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:26,124
I love you too, Daddy.
No homo.
372
00:14:26,206 --> 00:14:28,124
Sure. No homo.
373
00:14:28,206 --> 00:14:31,331
Minna:
As we Finns say, the morning
is wiser than the evening.
374
00:14:31,415 --> 00:14:33,082
Are you feeling wiser
this morning, Selina?
375
00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:35,999
- OK. Get off.
- No? I see that
we are still choosing
376
00:14:36,082 --> 00:14:38,040
not to make the best
of the situation.
377
00:14:38,124 --> 00:14:39,957
I can't. I can't.
378
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,540
Who ate my yogurt?
379
00:14:41,623 --> 00:14:43,373
Amerikkalainen
war criminal
syo kaikki.
380
00:14:43,456 --> 00:14:45,582
Alleged war criminal.
381
00:14:45,665 --> 00:14:47,540
I think it would be
best for everyone
if you can learn
382
00:14:47,623 --> 00:14:50,165
to follow
just a few simple
embassy staff rules.
383
00:14:50,248 --> 00:14:51,248
- What?
- Number one,
384
00:14:51,331 --> 00:14:52,415
you write your name
385
00:14:52,498 --> 00:14:54,206
on your food
in the refrigerator.
386
00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:56,290
- Oh, my God.
- You see here,
I've written "Minna,"
387
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:58,498
and I have written it
with a permanent marker.
388
00:14:58,582 --> 00:15:02,790
Number two,
if you use a bowl
or a spoon
389
00:15:02,874 --> 00:15:04,999
or a plate or a cup
or a jug,
390
00:15:05,082 --> 00:15:08,290
afterwards, you would
wash in the sink.
391
00:15:09,665 --> 00:15:10,665
Yeah?
392
00:15:13,248 --> 00:15:15,248
Selina,
if you go to prison,
393
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,665
- you will not have your Gary
to clean up after you.
- OK, look--
394
00:15:17,748 --> 00:15:20,290
- No, I'll be there.
- You gotta see what's on TV.
Come on.
395
00:15:20,373 --> 00:15:22,707
Maybe it's time for me
to just turn myself in, Ben.
What is it? What's going on?
396
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,623
...Americans have
come out in force
to show their support
397
00:15:24,707 --> 00:15:27,165
for the former,
and possibly future, president,
398
00:15:27,248 --> 00:15:28,456
- Selina Meyer.
- Selina: Oh.
399
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:29,623
Footage rolls.
400
00:15:29,707 --> 00:15:31,540
Free Selina now!
401
00:15:31,623 --> 00:15:33,373
- Selina: What?!
- It turns out
402
00:15:33,456 --> 00:15:34,957
Americans don't
give a flying fatwa
403
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,540
if you drone
a bunch of Muslims!
404
00:15:36,623 --> 00:15:38,582
Your favorables have
never been higher, ma'am.
405
00:15:38,665 --> 00:15:40,957
For polling purposes,
you're practically
a generic white male.
406
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,748
- ( Gary laughing )
- This is incredible!
407
00:15:42,832 --> 00:15:44,331
I feel like the Grim Reaper
408
00:15:44,415 --> 00:15:47,165
just dropped his scythe
and started eating me out!
409
00:15:47,248 --> 00:15:50,957
- Catherine: Mom.
- Ma'am, Catherine just had
the most romantic idea.
410
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,290
- Oh, good.
- Getting married
here in Europe.
411
00:15:53,373 --> 00:15:54,331
What?
412
00:15:55,999 --> 00:15:57,748
Oh, Catherine!
413
00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:00,206
What a wonderful idea.
414
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:01,999
Thank you, Mother.
415
00:16:02,082 --> 00:16:05,206
Gary, can you
put something together here,
at the embassy?
416
00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:08,165
I found the perfect dress
at the Oslo Medieval Festival.
417
00:16:08,248 --> 00:16:09,874
- Ohh, I doubt it.
- Selina: Oh, good. OK.
418
00:16:09,957 --> 00:16:11,540
Ma'am, we got bigger reindeer
to fuck here.
419
00:16:11,623 --> 00:16:12,790
Guys, listen to me.
420
00:16:12,874 --> 00:16:14,915
A wedding got me
into this hot mess...
421
00:16:14,999 --> 00:16:17,165
a wedding's gonna
get me out of it.
422
00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:20,707
- A Potemkin wedding,
if I may coin a phrase.
- Please don't.
423
00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:22,999
Look, we need a plane
to get us home, correct?
424
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,957
Mike:
...Selina Meyer live via phone.
425
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,999
- Hello, President Meyer.
- Hi, Mike.
426
00:16:27,082 --> 00:16:30,415
You know, I just want
to thank the American people.
427
00:16:30,498 --> 00:16:33,248
I mean, obviously,
while it is regrettable,
428
00:16:33,331 --> 00:16:35,456
the loss of-- of innocent lives,
429
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:38,790
I will never, ever apologize
430
00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:40,999
for keeping Americans safe.
431
00:16:41,082 --> 00:16:43,456
Uh, ma'am, we have
the drone footage here.
432
00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:45,206
Would you take our viewers
through it?
433
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,874
Guest speaks
as footage two rolls.
434
00:16:47,957 --> 00:16:49,540
Yes. Well, this is the compound
435
00:16:49,623 --> 00:16:51,373
belonging to Hamza Al Bashir.
436
00:16:51,456 --> 00:16:53,707
Now, hold on. What is that
right on over there, ma'am?
437
00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:55,456
Is that an elephant
or something?
438
00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:57,331
Yes. Yeah, I believe it is.
439
00:16:57,415 --> 00:17:00,124
Apparently, Al Bashir
had some sort of a private zoo,
440
00:17:00,206 --> 00:17:02,206
and that's actually how
we were able to locate him.
441
00:17:02,290 --> 00:17:03,540
Mike:
And boom!
442
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,124
Wow! There goes the elephant.
443
00:17:05,206 --> 00:17:06,540
- Ben: Ma'am?
- Yeah.
444
00:17:06,623 --> 00:17:08,874
I think I may have
found us a plane.
445
00:17:08,957 --> 00:17:11,456
Governor, it's so nice of you
to come with us
to comfort Jonah.
446
00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:13,498
Jonah Ryan has as much chance
of becoming president
447
00:17:13,582 --> 00:17:16,082
as a stack of retarded raccoons
in a trench coat,
448
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,707
but if anyone's crawling out
of our cesspool of a state
449
00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:20,874
to become his Ag Sec,
it's gonna be this pigfucker.
450
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:23,165
I didn't realize
there was a job requirement.
451
00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:24,832
( crowd chattering )
452
00:17:27,331 --> 00:17:28,748
Oh, my God.
453
00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:32,248
What do you think?
Beige or Tuscan beige?
454
00:17:32,331 --> 00:17:33,623
Tough call.
455
00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,999
They are... the same.
456
00:17:36,082 --> 00:17:38,206
And how is the blushing bride?
457
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,373
Mother, come on. Really?
458
00:17:40,456 --> 00:17:42,915
- This is the best
I could do.
- Gorgeous.
459
00:17:42,999 --> 00:17:45,915
- You always do this.
- I do what?
460
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:49,124
- Do you remember
my 13th birthday?
- No, I certainly don't.
461
00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:51,582
Do you remember
my 16th birthday, then?
Do you remember that?
462
00:17:51,665 --> 00:17:53,623
No, darling. Are we gonna go
through all the birthdays?
I don't remember any of them.
463
00:17:53,707 --> 00:17:55,748
Do you remember
my high school graduation,
or my college graduation?
464
00:17:55,832 --> 00:17:58,331
Or any time I brought home
a boyfriend for you to meet
before I had girlfriends?
465
00:17:58,415 --> 00:18:00,540
I didn't know
the theme of the wedding
was Edward Scissor Sisters.
466
00:18:00,623 --> 00:18:02,748
- I mean, seriously.
- I'm gonna pause.
467
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,206
Those sandwiches aren't
gonna finger themselves.
468
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:07,290
- I'll be right back.
- Catherine, I do not
469
00:18:07,373 --> 00:18:10,165
want to fight with you,
my darling.
470
00:18:10,248 --> 00:18:12,707
- I-- I--
- No, honey, listen to me.
471
00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:17,206
I am so very proud of you
472
00:18:17,290 --> 00:18:21,832
and your decision
to get married...
here.
473
00:18:21,915 --> 00:18:23,999
- Thank you, Mom.
- Mm-hmm.
474
00:18:24,082 --> 00:18:26,915
And you--
you look amazing.
475
00:18:28,124 --> 00:18:31,415
And I'm amazed
by your look.
476
00:18:34,582 --> 00:18:36,623
Um, I'm just gonna
freshen up.
477
00:18:36,707 --> 00:18:38,165
- OK.
- OK.
478
00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:44,165
- ( door closes )
- OK, we're all good.
479
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,415
- Where's your mother?
- She went to the bathroom.
480
00:18:48,165 --> 00:18:50,498
- That's not the bathroom.
- Wh--
481
00:18:50,582 --> 00:18:53,498
Ballentine:
If I could just have a moment
of your time, Congressman.
482
00:18:53,582 --> 00:18:55,540
Jonah:
Will you move?
You're blocking the TV.
483
00:18:55,623 --> 00:18:57,540
Sorry. Yeah. I think
in a Ryan administration
484
00:18:57,623 --> 00:19:00,165
I could really
make a difference
at Agriculture.
485
00:19:00,248 --> 00:19:02,748
Whatever. There isn't gonna be
a Department of Agriculture.
I'm gettin' rid of it.
486
00:19:02,832 --> 00:19:04,623
- What?!
- Richard, who is this guy?
487
00:19:04,707 --> 00:19:07,248
I'm the fucking
governor of Iowa,
you nitwit!
488
00:19:07,331 --> 00:19:10,165
And you just cost yourself
a spot in my administration!
489
00:19:10,248 --> 00:19:12,790
- I'll call you a cab, Governor.
- Nancy: Jonah, your dad's here!
490
00:19:12,874 --> 00:19:15,665
- Jonah: Oh, hey, Dad!
- Look who's ready for
a chicken pox party!
491
00:19:15,748 --> 00:19:18,124
- Oh, what, I gave my dad
chicken pox?
- Second time!
492
00:19:18,206 --> 00:19:20,498
Richard:
Now I can really see
the family resemblance.
493
00:19:20,582 --> 00:19:21,957
Jonah:
Two generations of scabs, yo!
494
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,206
Fuck me with
a side of ranch.
495
00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:25,665
See ya back at the office,
Governor.
496
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,456
( crowd chattering )
497
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:30,373
- ( Catherine moaning )
- What has your mother done now?
498
00:19:30,456 --> 00:19:34,498
She used our wedding
as a diversion
499
00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:38,206
to escape from
the Norwegian
National Police!
500
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:39,206
Smart.
501
00:19:39,290 --> 00:19:40,623
Kitty Cat.
It's all right.
502
00:19:40,707 --> 00:19:42,582
We'll just get married
back in the States.
503
00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:46,165
No. We are gonna
get married right now,
504
00:19:46,248 --> 00:19:49,540
in Europe,
because it's romantic.
505
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:51,498
Do you wanna maybe...
506
00:19:51,582 --> 00:19:52,915
clean up first?
507
00:19:52,999 --> 00:19:56,206
No. I feel fucking pretty.
508
00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:57,707
- ( sobbing )
- Gary: Uh...
509
00:19:57,790 --> 00:20:00,748
I'm sorry. Who taught you
to do a smoky eye?
510
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:04,373
Joint Special Operations
Command. JSOC.
511
00:20:04,456 --> 00:20:07,582
Aha. It's not bad.
512
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,874
- These tunnels date back
to World War II.
- Really?
513
00:20:10,957 --> 00:20:14,665
Local citizens banded together
in secret to assist the Nazis.
514
00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:17,248
I think we should be underneath
the security perimeter by now.
515
00:20:17,331 --> 00:20:19,540
- How can you tell?
- Murman: Ben. Over here.
516
00:20:19,623 --> 00:20:21,415
- Ben: What's that?
- Murman: Ben.
517
00:20:21,498 --> 00:20:23,540
- Ben: Oh!
- Selina: Murman!
518
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:26,040
- Murman: Selina.
- I am so happy to see you!
You have no idea!
519
00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:28,748
- I have helped
many tunnel escapes.
- Selina: Oh...
520
00:20:28,832 --> 00:20:30,915
- Funny story.
- Oh, here we go.
521
00:20:30,999 --> 00:20:34,582
Once, I told my enemy
it was tunnel escape,
522
00:20:34,665 --> 00:20:36,540
but in fact,
I just buried him alive.
523
00:20:36,623 --> 00:20:38,456
- Murman.
- ( laughs )
524
00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:41,248
Actually, it was her,
525
00:20:41,331 --> 00:20:44,248
but story is funnier
with a man, huh?
526
00:20:44,331 --> 00:20:45,915
In these MeToo days, you know?
527
00:20:45,999 --> 00:20:48,415
Actually, I think
it could work
with a woman.
528
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:50,498
Either way,
it's a very good story.
529
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,498
Beginning,
middle and end.
Plus a lesson.
530
00:20:52,582 --> 00:20:57,790
But I would
never, ever buried alive
my dear old friend Selina.
531
00:20:57,874 --> 00:20:59,999
Chivalry is not dead,
Murman.
532
00:21:00,082 --> 00:21:02,456
No, no, no.
Her name was Svetlana,
533
00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:04,165
and she's definitely dead.
534
00:21:04,248 --> 00:21:06,623
Yeah, I think the story
does work better with a man.
535
00:21:06,707 --> 00:21:08,082
That was my first instinct.
536
00:21:08,165 --> 00:21:09,373
Well, there you go.
537
00:21:09,456 --> 00:21:11,206
Now, my car will take you
to the airport...
538
00:21:11,290 --> 00:21:12,915
- OK.
- and the airplane is waiting
539
00:21:12,999 --> 00:21:16,415
to run out of gas
and drop you into the North Sea.
540
00:21:16,498 --> 00:21:17,832
What?
541
00:21:17,915 --> 00:21:19,623
Just kidding.
542
00:21:19,707 --> 00:21:21,124
( laughing )
543
00:21:21,206 --> 00:21:23,957
- You are bad.
- You believed me!
544
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,623
Ben:
Ha! You got us.
545
00:21:25,707 --> 00:21:27,582
Selina:
I want to make one quick stop
546
00:21:27,665 --> 00:21:28,915
on the way to the airport.
547
00:21:28,999 --> 00:21:30,456
- Ben: What?
- Yeah, I wanna just pop in
548
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,165
and grab my Nobel Peace Prize.
549
00:21:32,248 --> 00:21:35,040
Ma'am, that's
the Nobel Prize
of bad ideas!
550
00:21:35,124 --> 00:21:36,999
- No, that's economics, OK?
- Kent: We need to be out
551
00:21:37,082 --> 00:21:38,665
of this jurisdiction
immediately!
552
00:21:38,748 --> 00:21:40,206
Oh, please,
I've got America on my side,
553
00:21:40,290 --> 00:21:42,165
and America doesn't give a shit
about anything!
554
00:21:42,248 --> 00:21:43,999
Kent:
The Hague gives a shit.
555
00:21:44,082 --> 00:21:45,999
Ben:
We are not in America.
We just crawled out of a drain!
556
00:21:46,082 --> 00:21:48,165
- Selina: Wait, what?
- Ben: We're not
in America right now.
557
00:21:48,248 --> 00:21:49,248
Ben:
For cryin' out loud.
558
00:21:49,331 --> 00:21:50,832
OK, look, call Leon right now.
559
00:21:50,915 --> 00:21:52,999
Tell him to get his dick
out of whatever homeless woman
560
00:21:53,082 --> 00:21:54,582
froze to death
in front of the hotel,
561
00:21:54,665 --> 00:21:56,498
meet us over there
with the speech. Let's go!
562
00:21:56,582 --> 00:21:57,748
Call him, call him, call him!
563
00:21:59,915 --> 00:22:02,832
( typing on laptop )
564
00:22:02,915 --> 00:22:05,082
Hi, I'm Dan Egan,
I used to work at
the White House.
565
00:22:05,165 --> 00:22:06,957
You barely worked
at the White House.
566
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,874
( gasps )
Ho ho ho ho!
567
00:22:08,957 --> 00:22:11,665
Oh, Ames, I almost offered
to help your career,
568
00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:13,540
then bang you
and tell everybody
in the office
569
00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:14,874
you're an unstable slut.
570
00:22:14,957 --> 00:22:16,748
It's a new dress.
571
00:22:20,832 --> 00:22:21,999
Beth:
Come on, come on.
572
00:22:22,082 --> 00:22:23,623
Dumb child locks.
573
00:22:23,707 --> 00:22:26,124
- Need some help?
- Thank you so much.
574
00:22:27,874 --> 00:22:29,415
How long have you
been taking these?
575
00:22:29,498 --> 00:22:31,915
Ever since Jonah whacked me
on the nose at the rally,
576
00:22:31,999 --> 00:22:33,915
but the pain went away
in two days.
577
00:22:33,999 --> 00:22:35,874
They gave me 97 pills,
though,
578
00:22:35,957 --> 00:22:37,373
so now I've just
been taking 'em
579
00:22:37,456 --> 00:22:39,373
for the going-away
of my feelings.
580
00:22:39,456 --> 00:22:40,707
So you're not pregnant.
581
00:22:40,790 --> 00:22:43,040
Oh, no. Jonah and I
don't want any more kids
582
00:22:43,124 --> 00:22:45,832
until I can get my cake pop
business off the ground.
583
00:22:45,915 --> 00:22:47,248
And we can do
genetic testing
584
00:22:47,331 --> 00:22:49,456
to make sure
they're not born dead.
585
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:51,206
- Hey, Jonie.
- Yeah?
586
00:22:51,290 --> 00:22:54,290
Right now you have
a historic opportunity
587
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:57,623
to speak to our better natures,
bring the country together.
588
00:22:57,707 --> 00:23:00,373
But to do that, I think
you have to tone down
589
00:23:00,456 --> 00:23:03,665
the angry,
incoherent rhetoric a bit.
590
00:23:04,957 --> 00:23:06,582
I have kinda pushed it,
haven't I?
591
00:23:06,665 --> 00:23:08,790
A little bit, Jonie.
592
00:23:10,957 --> 00:23:12,582
OK, Dad. Yeah, I will.
593
00:23:12,665 --> 00:23:15,748
Yeah. OK.
594
00:23:15,832 --> 00:23:17,248
Hey, Mom, will you
make us some pancakes?
595
00:23:17,331 --> 00:23:19,582
- Ooh! Banana pancakes.
- Yeah, banana pancakes.
596
00:23:19,665 --> 00:23:22,290
I don't think I have any eggs.
597
00:23:22,373 --> 00:23:23,582
- Boo! Boo!
- Boo!
598
00:23:23,665 --> 00:23:26,082
Go to the store
to make pancakes!
599
00:23:26,165 --> 00:23:27,748
Both:
Pancakes! Pancakes!
600
00:23:27,832 --> 00:23:29,456
Jonah, I think that--
601
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:31,415
Oh, my God! Lloyd!
602
00:23:31,498 --> 00:23:33,082
- Dad?
- Oh, my God! Call 9-1-1!
603
00:23:33,165 --> 00:23:35,248
- Dad!
- Richard: Make sure
his nose is wet!
604
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:37,248
- What?
- Uh, that's for dogs.
605
00:23:37,331 --> 00:23:39,124
Selina:
Let's go. We gotta move.
606
00:23:39,206 --> 00:23:41,124
We gotta get this thing
and get to the airport.
607
00:23:41,206 --> 00:23:43,456
- Selina: President Lu!
- Oh.
608
00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:45,124
You're a hard man
to get ahold of.
609
00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:47,748
- ( speaking Mandarin )
- ( repeats same in Mandarin )
610
00:23:47,832 --> 00:23:50,790
Are we really
doing this again?
We all know he speaks English.
611
00:23:50,874 --> 00:23:53,082
- ( speaks Mandarin )
- I like your hair like that.
612
00:23:53,165 --> 00:23:54,915
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
613
00:23:54,999 --> 00:23:58,290
Selina Meyer.
Why am I not surprised
to see you? Sit, please.
614
00:23:58,373 --> 00:24:02,165
Lookit, Lu, we have always been
able to do business together.
615
00:24:02,248 --> 00:24:05,290
If I'm elected,
the U.S. is gonna import
616
00:24:05,373 --> 00:24:08,415
a shit-ton more of
your tainted baby formula
617
00:24:08,498 --> 00:24:09,790
and defective drywall.
618
00:24:09,874 --> 00:24:11,540
- A little secret.
- What?
619
00:24:11,623 --> 00:24:13,082
Different label,
same product.
620
00:24:13,165 --> 00:24:14,331
Islands.
621
00:24:14,415 --> 00:24:15,373
Islands.
622
00:24:15,456 --> 00:24:17,040
Any islands you want, Lu.
623
00:24:17,124 --> 00:24:20,582
Diaoyu, Spratly--
Florida Keys, even.
( laughs )
624
00:24:20,665 --> 00:24:23,790
President Montez has been
a great friend to China.
625
00:24:23,874 --> 00:24:27,040
Our loyalty to her
is unshakeable. I'm sorry.
626
00:24:28,206 --> 00:24:30,331
You can have Tibet.
627
00:24:30,415 --> 00:24:31,999
What?
628
00:24:32,082 --> 00:24:33,290
Yeah.
629
00:24:33,373 --> 00:24:34,665
You can have Tibet back.
630
00:24:34,748 --> 00:24:36,248
Are you fucking
kidding me?
631
00:24:36,331 --> 00:24:38,832
No. Right after the election,
you can have it back.
632
00:24:38,915 --> 00:24:42,707
I mean, I'll have to condemn
your actions publically,
of course.
633
00:24:42,790 --> 00:24:46,124
- Of course.
- But then we'll propose
a U.N. resolution,
634
00:24:46,206 --> 00:24:47,665
- you'll veto it...
- I will.
635
00:24:47,748 --> 00:24:49,623
then, ya know, have at it.
636
00:24:49,707 --> 00:24:51,665
Is being president
in a democracy even that great?
637
00:24:51,748 --> 00:24:54,707
- Well, it's barely
a democracy, so...
- I agree with that.
638
00:24:54,790 --> 00:24:56,915
I got a thing to get.
Do we have a deal, or...?
639
00:24:56,999 --> 00:24:58,456
- Sure.
- I knew it.
640
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:00,415
- Yeah. We're good.
- You're a good man.
641
00:25:00,498 --> 00:25:02,373
I like it.
You look good
in a bowtie.
642
00:25:02,456 --> 00:25:03,415
Everything OK
in here?
643
00:25:03,498 --> 00:25:04,582
Selina:
Oh, you bet.
644
00:25:04,665 --> 00:25:06,040
'Cause you're my lapdog now.
645
00:25:06,124 --> 00:25:07,582
- OK.
- Yeah.
646
00:25:07,665 --> 00:25:09,582
I thought I would take
just a few moments of your time
647
00:25:09,665 --> 00:25:14,373
to remind you of the plight
of the Azerbaijani minority
in Georgia--
648
00:25:14,456 --> 00:25:16,415
Selina:
I'm here!
649
00:25:16,498 --> 00:25:17,874
- ( applause )
- Thank you!
650
00:25:17,957 --> 00:25:20,040
I'm here! Thank you!
651
00:25:20,124 --> 00:25:21,999
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, thank you!
652
00:25:22,082 --> 00:25:24,165
It's very perilous
for you to be here.
653
00:25:24,248 --> 00:25:25,832
Thank you so much!
Thank you!
654
00:25:25,915 --> 00:25:27,540
- I don't think you should--
- Give it.
655
00:25:27,623 --> 00:25:30,999
Thank you so much for
that wonderful introduction.
656
00:25:31,082 --> 00:25:33,331
- ( applause dies down )
- Thank you.
657
00:25:33,415 --> 00:25:35,206
When the committee called
658
00:25:35,290 --> 00:25:39,082
to tell me I would be receiving
the Nobel Peace Prize--
659
00:25:39,165 --> 00:25:40,915
( low ) Summit award--
660
00:25:40,999 --> 00:25:44,748
I considered telling them
I didn't want it.
661
00:25:44,832 --> 00:25:48,124
You see, it's never
been important to me
662
00:25:48,206 --> 00:25:50,540
to be honored publically.
663
00:25:50,623 --> 00:25:53,707
But I decided to come tonight.
664
00:25:53,790 --> 00:25:55,290
Not for myself,
665
00:25:55,373 --> 00:25:57,331
but for the country of...
666
00:25:58,790 --> 00:26:00,206
Tibet.
667
00:26:01,331 --> 00:26:02,957
Imagine a world
668
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,373
where Tibet were not free.
669
00:26:07,498 --> 00:26:09,373
Imagine that.
670
00:26:09,456 --> 00:26:12,582
And one of the world's
great human treasures,
671
00:26:12,665 --> 00:26:14,665
Tibet's lamas,
672
00:26:14,748 --> 00:26:18,748
like these right here
sitting in the front row,
673
00:26:18,832 --> 00:26:21,206
looking at me...
674
00:26:22,748 --> 00:26:27,415
would certainly be imprisoned
and tortured
675
00:26:27,498 --> 00:26:31,373
in the most vicious ways
imaginable...
676
00:26:32,748 --> 00:26:35,206
possibly even k-illed.
677
00:26:36,874 --> 00:26:39,124
Oh, God Almighty. I--
678
00:26:39,206 --> 00:26:42,248
So maybe I should just
wrap this up.
679
00:26:42,331 --> 00:26:44,623
Shall we scroll, um,
ahead, please?
680
00:26:44,707 --> 00:26:45,790
Could you just-- Yes.
681
00:26:45,874 --> 00:26:47,415
Wait-- Yes.
682
00:26:47,498 --> 00:26:50,748
Tibet must always be free.
683
00:26:50,832 --> 00:26:53,290
Free today, free tomorrow,
684
00:26:53,373 --> 00:26:55,331
free forever. Oh, God.
685
00:26:55,415 --> 00:26:56,582
- ( applause )
- Thank you.
686
00:26:56,665 --> 00:26:57,790
Man:
Wonderful!
687
00:26:57,874 --> 00:27:00,915
- Photos, please.
- Oh.
688
00:27:00,999 --> 00:27:03,957
- OK.
- No one's ever gonna
forget that speech.
689
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,331
You're fired.
690
00:27:05,415 --> 00:27:07,331
All right,
let's get out of here.
691
00:27:07,415 --> 00:27:08,915
Take this piece of shit.
692
00:27:08,999 --> 00:27:11,665
Stop. Selina, stop.
You give me no choice--
693
00:27:11,748 --> 00:27:12,957
Goodbye, Minna.
694
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,415
Wow, talk about
inhumane droning.
695
00:27:15,498 --> 00:27:16,832
I guess
I've got a type.
696
00:27:16,915 --> 00:27:18,248
Amy: Dan?
697
00:27:18,331 --> 00:27:20,290
- Hi.
- So nice to see you...
698
00:27:20,373 --> 00:27:22,915
- ( kissing )
- on this sad occasion.
699
00:27:22,999 --> 00:27:25,665
So I thought maybe we could
get a drink and--
700
00:27:25,748 --> 00:27:29,124
Oh, sorry.
Ames, this is Layla,
my girlfriend.
701
00:27:29,206 --> 00:27:32,999
It just feels so weird
saying that out loud.
I can't help it.
702
00:27:33,082 --> 00:27:34,498
- Layla: Hello.
- Hi.
703
00:27:34,582 --> 00:27:35,707
Layla's an OB-GYN.
704
00:27:35,790 --> 00:27:37,790
I know what she does.
705
00:27:37,874 --> 00:27:39,124
Oh, God, of course.
706
00:27:39,206 --> 00:27:40,874
You guys have--
have already met.
707
00:27:40,957 --> 00:27:42,290
Classic Egan.
708
00:27:42,373 --> 00:27:43,874
( awkward chuckles )
709
00:27:43,957 --> 00:27:45,124
Are you OK here?
710
00:27:45,206 --> 00:27:46,373
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah? OK.
711
00:27:47,790 --> 00:27:49,290
Dan:
What's up, man?
712
00:27:49,373 --> 00:27:51,290
So, how was your
follow-up appointment?
713
00:27:51,373 --> 00:27:54,456
Less of a metal tube
up my vag than this.
714
00:27:54,540 --> 00:27:56,498
Woman:
I'm so sorry, Nancy.
715
00:27:56,582 --> 00:27:59,456
Adult chicken pox
can be very serious.
716
00:27:59,540 --> 00:28:01,124
( crying )
Thank you for coming.
717
00:28:01,206 --> 00:28:02,707
Don't blame yourself, Jonah.
718
00:28:02,790 --> 00:28:04,874
- It's not your fault.
- Uh...
719
00:28:04,957 --> 00:28:07,540
( sobbing )
720
00:28:07,623 --> 00:28:09,707
Can you get her a pill
or something and calm her down?
721
00:28:09,790 --> 00:28:12,540
I don't want diazepam,
I want something good.
722
00:28:12,623 --> 00:28:15,456
- OK.
- Jonah, I gotta
talk to you about that.
723
00:28:15,540 --> 00:28:18,248
- OK. Oh, God.
- Jonie, Jonie.
724
00:28:18,331 --> 00:28:19,874
I'm just so sorry.
725
00:28:19,957 --> 00:28:22,999
Oh. Thank you, Uncle Jeff.
I really appreciate that.
726
00:28:23,082 --> 00:28:25,790
Sorry you killed
your own father
and I wasn't there to see it!
727
00:28:25,874 --> 00:28:28,082
( laughing )
728
00:28:30,999 --> 00:28:33,373
- Sorry!
- Uncle Jeff.
729
00:28:33,456 --> 00:28:35,415
Could you please stop laughing?
730
00:28:35,498 --> 00:28:37,290
I can't!
731
00:28:37,373 --> 00:28:39,290
I can't believe
you gave him chicken pox.
732
00:28:39,373 --> 00:28:41,415
I always had you pegged
as an AIDS guy.
733
00:28:41,498 --> 00:28:43,331
( laughing )
734
00:28:45,248 --> 00:28:47,248
( Richard chuckling )
735
00:28:47,331 --> 00:28:50,665
It's not funny,
but his laughter is infectious.
736
00:28:50,748 --> 00:28:51,915
I can't breathe!
737
00:28:51,999 --> 00:28:53,707
( cackling )
738
00:28:55,124 --> 00:28:57,082
- I can't breathe!
- Mr. Kane,
739
00:28:57,165 --> 00:28:59,040
you're gonna
come with me.
740
00:28:59,124 --> 00:29:02,373
Here's my hotel key.
If you got a dick,
I'll pay double.
741
00:29:02,456 --> 00:29:04,915
Jonah:
OK, everybody can come in
and take a seat.
742
00:29:04,999 --> 00:29:06,748
- Hey, babe.
- I love you.
743
00:29:06,832 --> 00:29:08,331
Love you too.
744
00:29:08,415 --> 00:29:11,290
So first off, I guess,
thanks, everybody, for coming.
745
00:29:11,373 --> 00:29:14,456
And, um, as most of you know,
746
00:29:14,540 --> 00:29:16,415
I didn't get a lot of time
with my dad,
747
00:29:16,498 --> 00:29:19,040
but I think in the time
that I did have with him
748
00:29:19,124 --> 00:29:21,623
I realized what
a stupid loser he was.
749
00:29:21,707 --> 00:29:24,456
He didn't deserve me.
Or even my mom.
750
00:29:24,540 --> 00:29:26,999
All he ever did, actually,
was run out on us.
751
00:29:27,082 --> 00:29:30,165
First, all those years ago,
and now by dying.
752
00:29:30,248 --> 00:29:34,082
- Beth: Whoa--
- And I guess I don't even know
if I liked him that much,
753
00:29:34,165 --> 00:29:36,748
because he probably
woulda sucked
like all of my other step-dads.
754
00:29:36,832 --> 00:29:41,082
And I don't care that he's dead,
because I am very strong.
755
00:29:41,165 --> 00:29:43,790
- Beth: You're so beautiful.
- We're having cake pops
at the house later.
756
00:29:43,874 --> 00:29:46,331
- Beth: Who wants to go dancing?
My husband's right there.
- I'm leaving. This place sucks.
757
00:29:46,415 --> 00:29:49,165
- ( phone buzzes )
- Richard, that bastard
Ballentine,
758
00:29:49,248 --> 00:29:52,373
he caught shingles
from Typhoid Jonah.
759
00:29:52,456 --> 00:29:55,623
He went blind
with partial paralysis
and has to step down.
760
00:29:55,707 --> 00:29:56,957
Oh, my God,
that's awful.
761
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,124
No! That makes me--
I mean, you,
762
00:29:59,206 --> 00:30:01,040
the governor of Iowa!
763
00:30:01,124 --> 00:30:03,623
- Congratulations to us both.
- Oh, my God.
764
00:30:03,707 --> 00:30:05,623
Selina:
So listen, you guys,
765
00:30:05,707 --> 00:30:07,124
we have to start thinking
about the convention.
766
00:30:07,206 --> 00:30:08,623
- Sure do.
- And possible veep candidates.
767
00:30:08,707 --> 00:30:10,665
There are a lot of people
I want to snub.
768
00:30:10,748 --> 00:30:11,707
- Ma'am.
- Yeah?
769
00:30:11,790 --> 00:30:13,248
Check this out.
770
00:30:13,331 --> 00:30:15,165
Selina:
Oh, my God!
Is that Richard?
771
00:30:15,248 --> 00:30:16,498
Governor Splett.
772
00:30:16,582 --> 00:30:18,124
- Selina: No!
- Kent: Yeah.
773
00:30:18,206 --> 00:30:19,498
- ( protestors shouting )
- Selina: What the hell?
774
00:30:19,582 --> 00:30:20,999
What's going on here?
775
00:30:21,082 --> 00:30:23,832
I thought nobody gave
two Osama bin Shits
776
00:30:23,915 --> 00:30:25,165
about the drone strike.
777
00:30:25,248 --> 00:30:26,999
This is about killing elephants.
778
00:30:27,082 --> 00:30:29,582
There's two things Americans
don't like to see get hurt:
779
00:30:29,665 --> 00:30:31,957
animals, and white girls
on spring break.
780
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,040
Kent:
The story is everywhere.
781
00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:34,415
Peggy Noonan has a column
782
00:30:34,498 --> 00:30:36,832
about Babar
and American exceptionalism.
783
00:30:36,915 --> 00:30:38,290
She's a dumb cunt.
784
00:30:38,373 --> 00:30:40,415
Is this gonna affect
my numbers, ya think?
785
00:30:40,498 --> 00:30:41,707
Yes.
786
00:30:41,790 --> 00:30:44,082
( protesters shouting )
787
00:30:44,165 --> 00:30:45,748
Oh, my God!
788
00:30:46,957 --> 00:30:48,206
He's giving me the finger.
789
00:30:48,290 --> 00:30:49,957
Look. See?
790
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:51,415
( protesters shouting )
791
00:30:51,498 --> 00:30:52,999
As many of you know,
792
00:30:53,082 --> 00:30:55,498
it has been
a difficult week for me
793
00:30:55,582 --> 00:30:57,456
with the death of my dumb father
794
00:30:57,540 --> 00:30:59,874
and my hot wife
going into rehab.
795
00:30:59,957 --> 00:31:01,540
Which, when you think about it,
796
00:31:01,623 --> 00:31:03,874
kinda makes her hotter, ya know?
797
00:31:03,957 --> 00:31:07,540
But with the Lord's help,
I got through it.
798
00:31:07,623 --> 00:31:08,832
( applause )
799
00:31:08,915 --> 00:31:10,373
And when I say Lord,
800
00:31:10,456 --> 00:31:13,415
I mean Jesus Christ Almighty,
not the Jewish one.
801
00:31:13,498 --> 00:31:15,498
( cheers, applause )
802
00:31:16,874 --> 00:31:18,540
Now, there has been
a lot of debate
803
00:31:18,623 --> 00:31:22,415
about whether vaccines
do or do not kill people.
804
00:31:22,498 --> 00:31:24,582
And they do--
that's just science.
805
00:31:24,665 --> 00:31:28,665
But the other real killer...
is diseases.
806
00:31:28,748 --> 00:31:31,915
And how do these diseases
get into America?
807
00:31:31,999 --> 00:31:33,832
- All: How?
- Immigrants.
808
00:31:33,915 --> 00:31:35,707
- Man: Kill 'em!
- Yeah-- Well, I mean,
809
00:31:35,790 --> 00:31:37,415
we don't have to kill
all of 'em.
810
00:31:37,498 --> 00:31:39,665
There are some good immigrants.
Beyoncé?
811
00:31:39,748 --> 00:31:41,915
Ms. Brookheimer,
do you have anything to eat?
812
00:31:41,999 --> 00:31:45,999
- Um, I've got gum and Advil.
- Ugh.
813
00:31:46,082 --> 00:31:49,040
He had this carne asada that
I think was a family recipe.
814
00:31:49,124 --> 00:31:50,248
That guy stays.
815
00:31:50,331 --> 00:31:53,540
But we are not
going to stop diseases
816
00:31:53,623 --> 00:31:58,124
unless we close our borders!
817
00:31:58,206 --> 00:31:59,415
- All: Yeah!
- From now on,
818
00:31:59,498 --> 00:32:01,999
no one in, no one out!
819
00:32:02,082 --> 00:32:05,790
- ( applause )
- Thank you. No one in,
no one out!
820
00:32:05,874 --> 00:32:07,290
( knock on door )
821
00:32:07,373 --> 00:32:10,248
- What? Wh-Who's there?
- It's Richard.
822
00:32:10,331 --> 00:32:12,248
- Who? Ohh.
- Governor Richard Splett?
823
00:32:12,331 --> 00:32:16,373
- Ohh.
- We brought you
some flowers.
824
00:32:16,456 --> 00:32:17,999
Word is out on you, Splett.
825
00:32:18,082 --> 00:32:19,623
You're living proof
826
00:32:19,707 --> 00:32:22,623
that the worst people
in politics always succeed.
827
00:32:22,707 --> 00:32:25,999
I'll tell ya something else,
Splett. Listen carefully.
828
00:32:26,082 --> 00:32:28,415
Someday you'll be an old man,
and you'll--
829
00:32:28,498 --> 00:32:30,456
Governor, now that
you're a super-delegate,
830
00:32:30,540 --> 00:32:33,874
have you given any thought
as to who you're gonna be
endorsing at the convention?
831
00:32:33,957 --> 00:32:35,790
Isn't there any way
I can endorse all of them?
832
00:32:35,874 --> 00:32:39,248
- ( laughter )
- All right,
thank you guys so much.
833
00:32:42,248 --> 00:32:43,540
Pull up a chair, Splett.
834
00:32:43,623 --> 00:32:46,456
I've never told anyone this
before.
835
00:32:47,540 --> 00:32:50,498
I have a daughter in California.
836
00:32:50,582 --> 00:32:53,165
She doesn't know
anything about me.
837
00:32:53,248 --> 00:32:56,582
I've seen photographs...
on the internet.
838
00:32:57,832 --> 00:32:58,748
Did President Meyer find a way
839
00:32:59,248 --> 00:33:00,832
to steal the nomination from me
like she stole South Carolina?
840
00:33:00,915 --> 00:33:03,582
If you can't figure out
how to steal South Carolina,
841
00:33:03,665 --> 00:33:05,415
you have no business
being president.
842
00:33:06,248 --> 00:33:08,290
I'm not gonna let them
take this from me.
843
00:33:09,373 --> 00:33:12,124
I was right!
I should be president!
844
00:33:13,331 --> 00:33:14,582
That's not funny, Kent.
845
00:33:14,665 --> 00:33:16,790
I haven't been funny
since 1987.
846
00:33:17,165 --> 00:33:18,999
I didn't come to North Carolina
to lose.
847
00:33:19,082 --> 00:33:21,165
I don't even like
to change planes here.
848
00:33:21,665 --> 00:33:24,623
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
849
00:33:25,498 --> 00:33:27,623
I just wanna be president.
850
00:33:28,415 --> 00:33:30,124
Do you want six almonds?
851
00:33:30,498 --> 00:33:31,665
(SCREAMING) No!
852
00:33:32,165 --> 00:33:33,915
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
66348
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