Original subtitles

I wonder if everything will go well this time.

Each year I worry.

Each year everything has gone well.

When will I stop worrying?

Soon enough, I suppose.

The only advantage of being 79.

Once again, the Swedish academy of science has voted.

The Royal Caroline Institute has voted.

The Swedish academy of letters has voted.

Once again, man bestows immortality on his fellow man.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this year's winners of the Nobel prize.

The prize for literature went to the American novelist Andrew Craig,

the youngest man to be thus honored

since Rudyard Kipling won the prize

at the age of 42.

Mr. Craig is best known in Europe

for his anti-fascist novel

"the imperfect state."

Dr. Max Stratman...

In chemistry, the prize went to the French husband-and-wife team.

Dr. Claude Marceau and Dr. Denise Marceau.

They achieved the prize for their researches into sperm structure

and the vitrification of human reproductive cells.

In physics, the German-born physicist Dr. Max Stratman,

now living in Atlanta, Georgia.

Dr. Stratman was awarded his prize

for his research in the field of solar energy

and the development of new rocket propellants.

In traditional ceremonies at concert hall,

the king will present them with a gold medallion,

a Nobel diploma, and a check for $50,000.

Dr. Claude et Denise Marceau

de Paris...

Dr. Max Stratman...

For their work in overcoming

the immunological barrier

to organ transplantation in the human body,

Dr. John Garrett of the United States

and Dr. Carlo Farelli of Italy

were jointly awarded

the Nobel prize in medicine.

Dr. Garrett's award is one of 3 Nobel prizes

given this year to citizens of the United States.

The others are physicist Dr. Max Stratman

and novelist Andrew Craig.

The winners will arrive in Stockholm shortly before the ceremonies

and stay at the grand hotel,

which is the custom.

Oscar, Hilding, stop it at once!

Must I remind you again?

During Nobel week, nothing but English

is to be spoken here.

But...

Even when you quarrel.

But it is my turn to deliver the trays, Mrs. Ahlquist.

Last year, it was his.

Gentlemen, please. You will both deliver the trays.

Both? Both?

One to carry, the other to assist.

I will carry.

No, I will.

You will alternate on each delivery.

Now don't let me hear another word about this,

especially in Swedish.

Now which is first? Medicine, literature, chemistry, physics?

The way I feel, I am in the mood for medicine.

The way you sound, you should be in the mood for physics.

"The Nobel prize for medicine"

"is equally divided between Dr. John Garrett of the United States"

"and Dr. Carlo Farelli of Italy."

Ja. So... ja. Dr. and Mrs. John Garrett and children,

suite 447.

Let's go, assistant.

Mrs. Garrett?

Yes?

With the best wishes of the management.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Well, can't you ask someone at the hospital

for Dr. Oman's private number?

Right over there.

It's not in the book. He must live in the suburb.

Ooh, can I have some?

Me, too! I want this banana.

- I want this. - I want it.

Be quiet. Be quiet.

Shh. Your father. Now get your hands off. Amy, David.

Please. Please. Here.

No, thank you. Good night.

Good night. Thank you.

No, I am not ill, but it's important

that I speak to Dr. Oman.

Why not? Because you had dinner.

Come to think of it, I am getting ill.

You know what, madam? I've just had an idea.

I'm going to hang up. That's right. Good-bye.

Oh, we should never have left California.

Won't tomorrow be time enough? You're exhausted.

I wanted to have the evidence on Farelli before the press conference.

Are you so sure there is evidence?

What's a Farelli, mommy?

Stupid, he's the man that stole half of daddy's Nobel prize.

Aren't they supposed to be in bed?

Yes, yes. Come on.

Come on, now. Move. Bed.

♪ Farelli is a-smelly ♪

♪ Farelli is a-smelly ♪

No, no, no, mama.

Who is there, man or woman?

The waiter here, sir.

Dr. Farelli?

Uh-huh. In the flesh, as you can see.

Compliments of the grand hotel.

Oh. Magnifico. Come in. Come in.

Over there next to my mother, please,

so she can stuff herself without moving.

Madame Farelli.

Madame Farelli.

Good night. Good night.

I thank you a thousand times. Good-bye.

Just what I needed.

Ahh.

Ooh.

I suggest that you watch my performance

with our Nobel prize winners in chemistry...

Dr. Claude Marceau and Dr. Denise Marceau.

There is much to be learned by observing me.

I agree. You should be placed under observation.

Good evening, doctor.

I did not order anything.

A gift of the management for you and your esteemed wife.

Ah.

Good evening, madame doctor.

Thank you, and the same to you.

Ahem. Do you have one of those

for the young lady in the next room,

my, uh... ahem... my secretary?

Miss Souvir? Oh, yes, doctor.

Not only the laureates but their guests as well

receive every hospitality of the management.

Perhaps you would like to enclose a card,

suitably inscribed.

Thank you. Thank you. Good night.

Denise. Denise, must you in front of them?

If we're going to go through with this charade,

let's at least have a few laughs along the way.

Did I know we are going to win the Nobel prize?

The least we can offer in return

is a few days of dignity.

Dignity? It's disgraceful.

It's positively immoral,

you and I living together in the same room this way.

We are husband and wife, aren't we?

Yes, but what will she think, hmm?

Come in, Cheri.

The door is open.

Oh. Bonsoir.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Oh, is that for me?

Who likes me so much?

The grand hotel, miss Souvir.

Oh, not you?

To the grand hotel. Put it right there.

Is the champagne cold?

Perfect. Shall I open?

No, no. Too soon, too soon.

Merci beaucoup, gentlemen.

And you will leave the door open

un tout petit peu? Like so, yes?

Good night.

Good night.

He did say secretary, didn't he?

Something must have been lost in the translation.

Oh?

Good evening. Miss Stratman?

Yes.

For Dr. Stratman and you from the management of the grand hotel.

Well, how kind of you.

I'll take it. My uncle is resting.

Oh, are you sure you can handle it?

If I drop it, I'll call you,

and we'll pick up the pieces together.

Very well. Good night, miss Stratman.

Good night, and thank you.

Oh, I thought it was those people

to take you out to the nightclubs.

Mr. and Mrs. Bergh aren't due for an hour.

And what are you doing out of bed?

Can you imagine putting my old body in this beautiful thing?

It's an insult to the tailor.

Emily, when the king shakes my hand,

couldn't I just be wearing a sweater or something?

No. And if you don't lie down, uncle Max,

I'm not going to let you go out tonight

on that secret rendezvous of yours.

Oh, secret nothing.

Just ashamed of old friends.

Oh, if only you weren't going out.

Well, what have we got here, liebchen?

Schnapps? Ha ha!

You'll crush it.

Oh, on purpose. I choose to keep myself from admitting

I just can't wait to wear it to the concert hall.

Well, good stuff.

Worthy of the double occasion...

Seeing you for the first time as a grown-up woman,

and then this... this wonderful foolishness of your old uncle

being called to Stockholm for the Nobel prize,

like he was somebody important.

You're supposed to be resting.

Enough rest. If I don't take some schnapps quick,

I might wake up and the whole thing will turn out to be a dream.

It's no dream, uncle Max.

This is the suite of the Nobel prize winner for literature.

Mr. Andrew Craig, is it not?

Yes, it is. Set it down over there, please.

Don't go yet.

You will have to remove the bottles.

Remove them?

Champagne, beer, aquavit? Out.

But then Mr. Craig will have nothing to drink.

Exactly. Now please do as I say.

Begging your pardon, but who says?

Miss Andersen of the foreign office says.

In 30 minutes, Mr. Craig will be landing at the airport.

And here we are, playing games. Catch.

Ugh.

There he is.

You fly a very nice glider, miss Munsen.

Thank you, Mr. Craig.

You also mix a very civilized Martini.

Perhaps one too many for such a short flight?

Never deny a man his right to be unconscious.

I'm afraid they're waiting for you.

Yes, I'm afraid so, too.

Good-bye, miss Munsen.

Good-bye, Mr. Craig.

You know, watching you walk up and down that aisle tonight,

I feel as though I've known your legs all my life.

Ha ha ha! Now, you behave yourself in Stockholm.

Silly girl.

Can you smile, Mr. Craig?

Yes, if you say something funny.

Mr. Craig, I am count Bertil Jacobsson.

On behalf of the city of Stockholm,

I welcome you to Sweden.

Thank you very much, sir.

I'm very happy to be here,

I think.

This is Mr. Clark Wilson of your splendid embassy.

Ah, yes. Mr. Wilson.

Congratulations, Mr. Craig.

You've done us proud, Americans everywhere.

Just one of those things.

Another picture, please, Mr. Craig.

I want to ask you a few questions, Mr. Craig, please.

Wait a minute. Where were you fellows when I needed you,

when my books were being published?

Mr. Steen Blickman of the Swedish academy.

Oh.

Honored, Mr. Craig, greatly honored.

Thank you very much.

Radio Sweden. A few words, Mr. Craig, please.

Oh, yes. Well, I'm, uh...

I've always wanted to see Sweden.

I never thought I'd be able to do so

under such rewarding circumstances.

$50,000 reward, huh?

We were rather worried when you failed to arrive

on the morning plane from Copenhagen.

Oh, yes. Well, I met this Danish girl in Tivoli.

An old friend?

She is now.

Excuse me, count Jacobsson.

Why, certainly.

Mr. Craig, allow me to introduce myself.

I'm miss Inga Lisa Andersen of the Swedish foreign ministry,

assigned to you for your stay here in Stockholm.

Hello.

Hello. I have a car waiting outside.

Will you follow me, please? Excuse me.

Things are looking up.

Mr. Craig, a few more words, please.

And immediately afterwards, there will be a tour of the city.

Am I keeping you awake?

Just barely. That's all right. Go ahead. Keep going.

This can wait.

Don't go away mad, miss Andersen.

I'm rude to everyone.

I know that, Mr. Craig.

Before taking this assignment,

I tried to make myself an authority on my subject.

Well, just how much do you know?

Your lack of regard for the Nobel prize,

your threat to turn it down,

your decision to come to Stockholm

only because $50,000... how did you put it in "time" magazine?

"Ain't hay"?

That's right. "Ain't hay."

Yes, I think you have caught the outer man, miss Andersen,

but bear in mind that 9/10 of the iceberg

is generally hidden from view.

And in your case, it happens to be ice cubes.

Well, we have been doing our homework.

Thank you.

What do you plan to do about these ice cubes?

Nothing. Just hope and pray.

We'll do our best.

We certainly will.

How come you instead of some aging male diplomat?

You're unattached and alone,

and there are social functions to attend,

and we felt it would be happier for you this way.

That's thoughtful of the Swedish government,

but aren't they a little concerned about you?

Oh, you mean your reputation with women?

Something like that.

Mr. Craig, I hope you'll forgive me,

but in matters of sex, compared to the average Scandinavian,

you would be considered a mere amateur.

Miss Andersen, will you marry me?

We have a saying in Sweden.

Why settle for one dish when there's smorgasbord?

Ahem.

Nice little place you have here.

Your suite faces the Royal Palace across the water.

I hope you find everything satisfactory.

If the king promises not to watch.

What's on the agenda for you and me tonight?

You have a formal press conference

at 11:00 tomorrow morning,

Oh, this is Mr. Andrew Craig from the United States.

Mr. Lindquist will anticipate your every need.

Welcome to grand hotel, Mr. Craig.

Thank you very much.

Would you excuse me for a moment, please?

Oh, yes.

Professor Stratman.

You will mail this for me, please.

Certainly.

Shouldn't one Nobel prize winner know another?

Mr. Andrew Craig of literature,

Dr. Max Stratman of physics.

Oh. Ah.

Doctor.

So this is the young man

who has done so many fine things with words.

If you please.

Oh. Just a minute.

Thank you.

I have been looking forward to meeting you, Mr. Andrew Craig.

And I, too, doctor. Congratulations, of course.

Yes, but do you really mean of course?

You and I will have to have a little talk.

We will?

While I admire the words that you've written,

I cannot say the same for what you've spoken

to the newspapers back home about the Nobel prize,

how it means nothing to you but money.

Now, is that enough respect for Mr. Nobel

and the wonderful united states of America?

Tomorrow, perhaps some schnapps and conversation, ja?

If you promise not to spank me.

I make no promises.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Thank you.

Tell me, what do, uh, people around here do at night?

Well, we have the Royal Opera,

the Royal Dramatic Theater...

No, no, no. Something a tiny bit more vulgar than that...

You know, dancing, music, beverages with a slight alcoholic content.

I see.

A little, uh, local color floating about.

Local color.

Always adds interest to a place.

Let's see. We have the...

The golden crown in the old town.

No, the golden crown would not do.

Ahem. Why not?

Too many young girls with the wrong ideas.

Awful. Yes.

Glad you warned me.

So you'll remember to forget it.

Very kind of you.

Always glad to be of service.

Everything seems to be in order.

Now, you will be ready to meet the press tomorrow morning?

Oh, absolutely. I'm going straight to sleep.

You wouldn't care to help me turn down my bed covers, would you?

I'm afraid I have no skill as a chambermaid.

Nobody's perfect.

Except during Nobel week.

Yes, Mr. Craig?

Yes, miss Andersen.

- Good night. - Good night.

I'll have the hall Porter make the reservations.

Wasn't that Andrew Craig,

the Nobel laureate in literature?

Unfortunately.

Oh, now, Rolf.

Stockholm during Nobel week is a China shop

with no place for bulls.

Have you read any of his books?

We work for the foreign office, miss Stratman,

not the Swedish academy of letters.

Well, I think he's marvelous.

Uncle Max.

I thought that you were off to your meeting.

Oh, well, some people it gives me a pleasure to keep waiting.

I'm glad. Now I can kiss you good-bye again.

What is this good-bye business?

Aren't you planning to come back tonight?

Not if Mr. and Mrs. Bergh keep their promise

and take me to every nightclub I should see in Stockholm.

And some she shouldn't see, too.

Ja.

I've given Mr. Bergh a list.

Everything from the ambassador to the golden crown.

What can he do? He promised.

Well, enjoy, enjoy. Good night.

Good night.

Max.

Max.

My old friend Max.

So we meet again, Eckhart.

I flew in this morning just to see you.

I should be honored.

Instead, my stomach hurts.

We'll fix that.

I know a place where the food is warm and the beer is cold.

No. We will walk. I have no wish to be seen with you.

Well, walking is good for the soul, I admit.

You read my note.

And threw it away.

Were my congratulations not welcome?

I told myself, "I will not answer him."

"I will not meet him."

But you came.

An old man's pride which says,

"can a man be worthy of the Nobel prize

"and not be able to handle two minutes of conversation

with a former colleague?"

Two minutes only?

So commence.

Your country needs you, Max.

My country is the united states of America.

I have it in writing.

We'll say my country, then.

Which belongs to others.

We want you with us.

Now, please...

I am authorized to offer you the highest position,

complete autonomy, 3 times the money you earn in America.

Now, I've heard enough.

To work for us is to give strength

to the cause of peace throughout the world. Peace?

Peace, you say?

Is there no love for the fatherland left in you?

Strangely enough, more than is left in you and your kind.

Now, listen to me.

I am ordered to say this.

Starting tomorrow when you talk to the press,

you will begin to prepare the world

for your voluntary defection to your homeland.

You will indicate there are warmongering uses

to which America puts its men of science.

And then at concert hall, you will make the gesture

that dramatizes your disapproval

of the work you have done for the imperialists.

This gesture, Eckhart...

Draw me a diagram.

It will be necessary for you to renounce the Nobel prize.

For this they've sent you to Stockholm.

For this nonsense you've brought me out here

in the middle of the night.

In a matter as important as this,

I couldn't sleep well unless I made at least one serious attempt

to persuade you before severer measures are taken.

So now you can sleep well.

What is this? What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Skool.

Ja. Skool.

I've been wearing you out tonight, haven't I, Mr. Bergh?

Not at all, miss Stratman.

I always yawn deliberately

after the third smoke-filled cabaret.

It helps the breathing, you know.

Oh, Rolf.

I'm sorry. I don't speak Swedish.

He doesn't speak English.

He's inviting you to dance with him.

I'd be delighted. Is it all right?

- Ja. - No.

Ivar Cramer.

Emily.

I told him he gets one dance.

Bye.

Uh!

Put it on my check.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Good night. - Good night.

I think we should go now.

But... guess what.

I've just met some dear friends from London

on the other side of the room,

and they've asked me to join them. Do you mind?

Not at all. Good night, miss Stratman.

Come along, Sylvia.

Thank you so much for everything.

I really enjoyed being here.

Good night, dear.

- Good night. - Good night.

I was only looking.

If you don't want people to look,

you should cover her with a burlap bag or something.

Hello.

Stay out of this.

On second thought, she'd look great in a burlap bag.

There's only one way to settle this.

Let's step outside.

Me and the girl.

Hey!

Go away. Shoo. Shoo.

What is this?

Red cross rescue service or something?

Could crawl.

Well, I'll sit down, then.

My name is Smith.

I'm an American tourist, and I am slightly tiddly.

I never would have guessed.

Hey, shall I give you my money now,

or would you rather roll me later?

You have just given me an idea.

Oh. Drink?

No, thanks.

You speak very good English for a nondrinker, miss...

Greta Garbo.

Mind if I call you Ingrid?

Not at all.

Yeah.

Why don't we get out of this crowded place?

What's the matter? Don't you like crowds?

There are some things that should only be done in private,

Mr., uh, Smith.

Yeah.

And we wouldn't want to do anything conspicuous,

would we, Mr. Smith?

How old are you?

Why?

I don't know.

I mean, most of the girls in this place are...

You look as though you ought to be in bed.

I accept.

Who's your sick friend?

Say, are we really going

where I think we're going?

To your hotel, of course.

Oh, incredible country, Sweden.

What's so incredible about it?

Well, I don't know. It's just so chock-full of surprises.

You think this is something?

Wait till we get to the hotel.

Shouldn't we, um, go up separately?

Oh, it's all right. They know me here.

Have you got your key?

I never make a move without it.

You Americans are so clever.

The only trouble is, I haven't done anything to deserve this.

Oh, yes, you have.

Funny thing. Everybody tells me that I look like, uh,

Andrew Craig, the fam...

Is not that door, and is not that door.

It is...

This door.

Wrong door.

Uh-uh. Right door.

Uh-uh.

Wrong door.

Uh-uh.

Right door.

Sleep tight, Mr. Andrew Craig.

Andrew Craig.

I'm Dr. Stratman's niece Emily.

You can thank me in the morning.

Oy, oy, oy.

Who was that?

Andrew Craig, my good deed for tonight.

Success.

Success.

We will have it.

Ivar said everything went all right.

Perfectly.

Now, you must stop worrying, Emily.

I know.

I command it.

What time is it?

10 minutes past 12:00.

Wrong. You can't read the dial without your glasses.

Smart girl.

Sorry.

Nothing closer than 6 feet.

Fine.

Madame Marceau, may I raise a point

that might seem a trifle irreverent?

If the point is not too sharp.

Considering that you and your husband achieved the Nobel prize

through your work in the preservation of human reproductive cells,

isn't it a bit ironic that you and Dr. Marceau have never had any children?

Ironic, no. Explainable, yes.

I fail to see what this has to do...

My husband and I have worked so long together

as a scientific team

that perhaps we may have come to see each other

only as gray matter,

I myself have not yet learned to cope with the situation,

but I think my husband has made

a rather successful adjustment.

Would you care to read that back to me, miss Souvir?

I'm sorry. I did not get it.

Oh. I was so sure you would.

Perhaps you'd like to say something, Claude.

No. I think you've said enough already.

And now please forgive us.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Where's your sleeping beauty?

I'm trying, but...

Why don't you go up and get him?

Together at any time

or correspond with each other?

I'll answer that. We did not work together at all.

I knew nothing whatever of Dr. Farelli's research,

and I must assume that he knew nothing of mine.

Only one other man knew of my techniques...

There were long nights of lonely battle,

I in the Istituto Superiore di Sanità in Rome

while unknown to me, my admirable colleague Dr. Garrett

was pursuing his victory in far-off Pasadena, California,

each of us using the same methods

of trial and error.

Dr. Farelli is too kind

when he gives me credit for using his methods.

I crawled from "a" to "b" to "cc"

while he was leapfrogging from "a" to nz"

without making a single experiment in between.

Well, in Rome one does as the romans do...

Improvise.

Dr. Garrett, a moment ago,

you said that another man knew of your work.

Yes. Dr. Eric Oman, a prominent surgeon

right here in Stockholm.

3 years ago, when I learned that he was doing work

in the field of heart transplants,

I corresponded with him,

and I offered him all of my findings,

in the strictest of confidence, of course.

One of the reasons that I am happy to be in Stockholm now

is that I will have the pleasure of meeting Dr. Oman face to face,

a pleasure which I believe you had last year, Dr. Farelli.

Mm-hmm. In Geneva, yes.

Regrettably, there was not time

for more than a brief meeting between us.

I'm sure.

Come in.

Set it down. I'll have it in a moment.

Suppose it doesn't want to be had.

Can I interest you in leaving immediately?

You wouldn't have some ham and eggs in that handbag, would you?

There's coffee at the press conference.

Mmm. The condemned man ate a hearty nothing.

Tell me, why all this fear of the press?

Because it is time, methinks,

to let them in on a few secrets

that I've been living with for much too long.

What sort of secrets?

I'm a slow writer.

I'd say you work rather fast.

Miss Stratman did all the work. 1 just supervised.

Interbreeding of Nobel prize winners or their families

while guests of the Swedish government

is not something we encourage, Mr. Craig.

To tell the truth, she didn't lay a glove on me.

I'd like to be able to believe that.

Why?

I find honesty irresistible in a man.

Stick around.

What are you planning to do?

Be irresistible.

Except for reading everywhere

that you have found a way to harness the rays of the sun,

I have been unable to learn precisely what you have done.

I have asked the Royal Swedish Academy of Science,

and they cannot or will not tell me.

Well, they cannot tell you

because they have been so instructed

by the United States government

in the name of so-called national security.

I seem to get the impression

that you're not completely in accord

with the Washington authorities.

Well, secrecy is becoming a way of life in this world,

an attitude which is excused by using the word "survival."

It is an unhappy condition for the scientist.

But secrecy was not the invention of the United States.

If it weren't for the policy of the iron curtain...

Excuse me, please.

I will answer questions about science or myself, and that is all.

And again I must remind the photographers

there are to be no pictures without permission.

Dr. Stratman, it is a matter of curiosity to many of us

why you remained in Germany and continued your work there during the second world war

when so many others left the country or escaped.

I do not know of the circumstances of the others.

I can only answer for my own.

Those dearest to me were in concentration camps...

My poor wife, my brother Walter, his family...

And so long as I cooperated,

they were kept alive, but unfortunately,

despite my efforts,

only my niece Emily survived.

I trust this satisfies your curiosity.

Is it not a fact that you were kidnapped by American army in Berlin

at the end of the war

and taken to the united states at gunpoint

and forced to work for the American imperialists?

No comment.

All it takes is a simple "no" for an answer, professor.

Let me end this interview by saying

that a scientist always prefers to carry on his work

where he can feel that his accomplishments

will not be perverted to the exploitation of mankind.

This has been weighing heavily on my mind of late.

Exactly what do you mean?

Now I must thank you all for your attention.

Good day.

Perhaps the strain was on the other foot.

Allow me to introduce our Nobel prize winner for literature...

Mr. Andrew Craig.

This is Dr. Stratman.

It's all right. We've al...

I am pleased to meet you, Mr. Craig.

I had believed you to be a much older man

to have such knowledge.

Apparently you don't recall our meeting last night, doctor.

How are you feeling today, Mr. Craig?

Fine. Oh, I mean fine, fine, yes, thanks to you.

You and my uncle Max have met before?

Yes, although it seems that...

Mr. Craig, they're waiting for you.

Oh, excuse me.

I hope you'll bear in mind

this is the world press.

Courage.

Come, liebchen.

I would like to stay and listen to Mr. Craig a while.

Wouldn't you?

All right.

Please.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Andrew Craig of the United States.

Mr. Craig.

Ladies, gentlemen, fire away.

Yes. Mr. Craig, please, what was your first reaction

when you received the news of your Nobel prize?

Uh, no reaction at all.

I was dead drunk at the time.

Well, you seem perfectly sober right now,

so may I ask you, how does it feel to be in the company

of William Faulkner, Albert Camus, and Ernest Hemingway?

I'll answer that with a question: Why me?

I haven't had a book out in 5 years.

But that has little bearing on your body of work...

6 superlative novels.

Not one of which sold enough copies

to stick in your left eye.

Do you find that alcohol stimulates

your creative imagination?

Not at all. It just happens to be necessary.

Why necessary?

Oh, I don't know. I suppose it's because I'm a sorehead.

I'm sore at myself for not being able to interest

the reading public,

and I'm sore at your Swedish academy

for forcing me to stand up before the world

and die in public when I was doing

such a damn good job of it in private.

But, Mr. Craig,

what about "return to Carthage,"

the book that you've been writing for the past 6 years?

There is no "return to Carthage."

It's all a fiction designed by me

to conceal the fact that I just ain't got it anymore.

Fritz.

Well, if your books haven't sold

and you haven't written anything for several years,

how have you been earning a living?

Are you sure you'd like to know?

Ja, please.

Detective stories.

Detective stories?

Yes. I've been keeping myself well-dressed,

well-fed, and well-oiled

by grinding out detective stories...

Mystery novels, private eyewash,

all under a pseudonym.

Ah. Don't ask me what the other name is. I won't tell you.

Somebody from the Swedish academy might read one of those books,

and they would take back the $50,000.

You'll forgive my saying so, sir,

but I feel it hard to believe

that the Andrew Craig who wrote "The walls of Croyden"

and "the imperfect state"

is even capable of doing what you have just described to us here.

Well, let's just say that I have a nose

for sniffing out the mysterioso in life,

for finding devious plots in everything that I observe.

I don't suppose you'd care to give us a demonstration

of this, uh, nose?

Well, it is rather short-order cooking.

How about this one?

Nobody steal it. I may want to use it sometime.

Nobel prize winner comes to Stockholm.

He's wined, dined, interviewed, and awarded,

and all the time, what nobody knows is that he's an impostor.

An impostor?

Yes. Sent here by the real prize winner

so that he can slip off to a secret weekend of joy in Acapulco.

Preposterous.

Why?

How do you know that I'm really Andrew Craig

and not some gate-crasher?

What? Because I look like his photographs?

Have any of you ever seen me

before I arrived in Stockholm last night?

Maybe Dr. Stratman over there is really Dr. Marceau with a beard

and, uh, Dr. Marceau is really his wife's hairdresser.

Thank you very much for the demonstration, Mr. Craig.

Not at all.

I think we've taken enough of Mr. Craig's time for now,

ladies and gentlemen.

This press conference is adjourned.

Angry?

I could be discharged for saying it.

Impressed.

Then there's more where that came from.

I suggest you save it for a rainy day.

Night.

Oh, Mr. Craig.

Could I talk to you for a moment?

There, you see? Not all is lost.

Someone still wants to talk to me.

Miss Stratman, this is miss Andersen of the foreign ministry.

How do you do, miss Andersen?

Miss Stratman.

Miss Andersen is officially in charge of me

during my stay in Stockholm.

What a delightful assignment.

And thank you for handling it for me last night.

Anytime, miss Andersen.

Why don't we all have lunch or something?

I must go now,

and please don't forget

the reception at count Jacobsson's villa

starts at 7:00.

Don't run.

I'll pick you up at 6:30.

Here's my card.

Office number and home number, in case you need me.

Good day.

Well, I don't think I like you either.

Hmm. This just isn't my day.

Where can we talk?

There must be a bar somewhere in the hotel.

Well, if there isn't, you'll invent it.

Thank you.

You can start working on another one of these.

So.

So.

You were sort of sneaky last night.

Wasn't I, though?

You never could have done it if I'd been sober.

I never would have wanted to if you'd been sober.

Why did you want to?

A fool and his Nobel reputation are soon parted.

I think I took care of that at the press conference.

No. You were wonderful.

Thank you.

What sort of trickery do you have in store for me today?

Trickery?

Yes. You said you wanted to talk to me about something.

Yes. I heard you tell my uncle Max

that you met him last night.

Yes, when I checked into the hotel in the lobby.

The desk Porter introduced us.

Oh, I see.

Tell me, does your uncle

have lapses of memory?

I wouldn't know.

I really don't know uncle Max all that well.

I was just a tiny little thing

when he went off to America after the war.

How could anyone leave

a tiny little thing like you behind?

I was already in Montreal,

living with a family there

after my mother and father died.

Uncle Max and I corresponded,

but somehow we just never managed to get together.

Then I went to college in London and stayed on.

It wasn't until he won the Nobel prize

and I cabled him a hint that he invite me to join him here

that I really got to see him.

That was yesterday morning.

We're practically strangers.

Did you notice anything different about him today?

I mean, as compared with yesterday?

Different?

You'll laugh.

Tell me the joke.

Well, when I met your uncle last night,

he, uh, seemed quite friendly.

He was familiar with my work and me,

and, uh... thank you.

And he enjoyed having his picture taken,

and he was noticeably pro-American.

Then today,

he acted as though he'd never met me,

his voice sounded slightly different,

he looked slightly different,

and he objected to having his picture taken,

and he, uh, was noticeably anti-American

to the press.

Uncle Max?

And last night when I shook hands with him,

I had the feeling that I was much taller than he,

and today he seems to...

Ha ha ha!

Yes, he seems to have grown a little.

Mr. Craig, you must do yourself a favor.

Don't say a word about this to anyone,

and in the interest of preserving your precarious reputation,

I won't either.

I shall take it under advisement.

Oh, now I've got to run.

There's uncle Max.

I promised I'd meet him for lunch.

See you tonight if not sooner.

Put this on my check, please.

Oh, Mr. Craig.

Yes?

I'm Denise Marceau.

Oh, Dr. Marceau, of course.

I should have recognized you.

Well, how could you recognize me

when you still have in your eyes

that beautiful Stratman girl?

May I say that my eyes are large enough

to hold two beautiful women?

So I've heard.

Please sit down.

Science needs the advice of literature.

But I was just going to have lunch.

Splendid idea. Please.

Oh, Martini very dry.

Make that two.

Oh, I believe I see miss Stratman in your left eye.

Oh, forgive me, doctor.

Oh, no. Not doctor, please.

Denise.

Ah, rhymes with chemise?

Oh, I knew you were the right man to advise me.

What kind of advice was this again?

Purely literary, I assure you.

Given the following situation:

A husband loves his wife

but has forgotten he loves her

because of his infatuation

with another woman's body.

Problem: How should the story

proceed to a happy ending for the wife?

May I call you Andrew?

Oh, please do.

Now, does she win back her husband with threats?

Never works.

Then does she try to open his eyes

to the truth about the other woman?

What is the truth?

Ravishing, damn her.

Ooh, that's bad.

Well, then I see no other way

but for the wife to find an equally attractive male

to remind her husband

that she, too, is desirable.

Does that sound workable, Andrew?

What would she have in mind for this male?

Once having found him,

she could pretend to a relationship...

You know, create the illusion,

not the fact.

Not the fact.

Thank you.

Cheers.

To illusions.

Oh, this is my third Martini,

and I haven't even had any breakfast yet.

I'm with the hotel. Thank you, Dr. Marceau, Mr. Craig.

We must make sure that my husband gets a copy.

There's a telephone call for you, Mr. Craig. Follow me, please.

Don't go away.

Thank you.

Hello. Mr. Craig here.

I can't.

Did you say Stratman? Well, what about Stratman?

Can you speak English?

Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Ne quittez pas.

Excuse me. My name is Craig. Do you speak Swedish?

I was born in Stockholm. I hope so.

Could you tell me what the gentleman on the other end

is trying to say?

Marten Trotzig Lane, number 40.

He says come right away.

Lindbloom is his name.

It is something about you and a Mr... Strutman?

Very serious and urgent matter, he says.

Then he hangs up.

Hmm. What was that address again?

Wait. I'll write it for you.

Marten trotzig Lane, number 40.

That is in the old town,

just across the canal.

Lindbloom. And hurry. Right away, he says.

Thank you very much.

Good day.

They have called to tell you

your Nobel prize was a clerical error.

Don't want you to think that I am terribly rude,

but something urgent has come up,

and I'm going to have to leave right away.

Oh, what's her name?

Probably miss wild goose chase.

Will you forgive me?

Never, and I'm going to make you pay for it tonight.

Marten trotzig Lane.

Ja. Ja.

Hello?

Mr. Lindbloom?

Hello.

Mas. Mas.

What?

Excuse me. Excuse me. Where can I find an officer?

No, thanks. An officer.

Where can I find an officer?

A constable?

No! No! Back!

Back! No! Stop!

No! Back! Back! Back!

No. I am sorry. I can't help it,

but the whole story is so amusing,

especially the part about the new Dr. Stratman.

Well, I'm doing my best to amuse you.

Now, I hope you don't mind my asking,

but had you been drinking?

I told you. I only said that

to the crew that fished me out

so they'd believe I fell in.

And I'm very glad you didn't tell them who you were.

I was afraid they'd throw me back in.

But no drinking, yes?

No drinking. No. I had one Martini with Emily Stratman.

Ohh!

Oh. Make that two.

Oh-ho.

And one little Martini with Denise Marceau.

With Denise Marceau.

But that's all.

What happened?

No time to get around to the mother of Dr. Farelli?

Gesundheit.

Ohh!

They should have left me in those clothes

when they dried them in the boiler room.

We really should go to the hotel and let you change.

No, no. We're going to number 40 marten trotzig Lane,

and then maybe you and your friend constable Strohm

will find things a little less amusing.

I hope you won't do anything

to antagonize the police.

We must keep it out of the papers, you know?

Just keep me out of the canal.

This city doesn't need police.

They need lifeguards.

Goddag.

Goddag.

Uh, Mrs. Lindbloom?

Ja.

I'm v-very sorry to bother you, uh...

She does not speak English.

- Goddag. - Goddag.

Goddag.

Something's wrong. She's too cheerful.

Ask her what happened to her husband.

Uh, may I carry on, constable strohm?

Please do, miss Andersen.

Her husband is on a holiday in Switzerland

and has been gone for almost a week.

Is that Oscar?

Ah, ja. Ja. Oscar.

His body was lying right there in this room.

I saw it this afternoon.

She has been home all day,

and she says you are making a joke.

If she thinks that's funny,

wait till she gets to the funeral.

Ask her, uh, what he does for a living.

Did for a living.

Theatrical makeup and wigs

for Swedish films.

I see.

Did he know a man by the name of Stratman?

Stratman? Nej.

Perhaps we should leave, miss Andersen.

Yes.

Wait a minute. I'm telling you.

I saw him sitting there right in front of the te...

The television set.

Ask her where the TV set is.

They have no television set.

She's lying. It was right there.

He was probably watching the press conference.

Something he saw, something I said.

That's why he called me at the hotel.

Shall we go, Mr. Craig?

No.

What about, uh, mas, mas?

Mas?

I already told you. Mas means seagull,

and Stockholm is full of seagulls. Please.

What's happening?

We are leaving.

You mean, this is it?

Yes.

Well, I certainly enjoyed your performance

as the merry widow.

Ja. Ha ha! Ja.

I know what you're thinking.

You do?

Yes. Why don't you just come right out and say it?

All right. I was wondering what to wear

to the reception tonight.

Yes. You're right. I made the whole thing up.

I had nothing better to do with myself today, so I invented the murder

and then decided to try a half gainer into the canal.

Constable strohm? Yes?

What are you planning to do about all this?

As a favor to the foreign ministry,

the police will forget the entire incident.

You mean, including the character with the sunglasses

who tried to kill me?

The feeling seems to be that he, too,

is on his holiday in Switzerland.

I'm surprised you don't arrest me for drunk diving.

Mr. Craig? Hmm.

Now, can I trust you alone until 6:30?

Yeah. I'm just going to be soaking in a hot tub,

trying to defrost. What can happen to me?

You could always go down the drain.

Miss Andersen, will you do me a favor?

Before you pick me up tonight,

would you mind soaking

in a hot tub yourself?

I think you could stand a little defrosting, too.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Who is it?

Somebody dangerous.

Hello.

Hello.

Still alive?

Temporarily.

Your press conference in the evening papers.

How did I make out?

I suggest you don't learn to read Swedish.

Ooh. I don't suppose there was anything

in the newspapers about a dead man named Lindbloom?

Nothing. May 1?

Hmm.

Nice.

Bath oil.

What's the Swedish word for, um, enchanting?

Foertjusande.

And for female?

Kvinna.

Who are you planning to use Swedish with tonight?

Who are you planning to enchant tonight?

There.

Why don't we have a little...

Drink before we go?

We are late.

It's... it's out of the question.

You're absolutely right.

What are you doing?

Inspecting the foreign ministry.

And I didn't want to come to Stockholm.

This is not on the Nobel schedule, Mr. Craig.

I think you should be prepared

to make unscheduled flights, miss Andersen.

I never should have listened to you.

What did I say?

About defrosting in the bathtub.

Did you?

Much too long.

Well, I've been getting into hot water all my life.

I thought an iceberg never melts.

I thought Sweden was neutral.

You shouldn't have done that.

I don't want the king to see.

He'd understand that I'm merely doing my duty.

Mmm. Don't stop.

Keeping you out of one kind of trouble...

Mm-hmm.

By getting you into another.

This calls for more than a drink.

Yes?

This calls for...

All sorts of things.

Yes.

We may even have to...

Yes?

Yes.

No.

We can't be late for the reception.

Oh. There are the Stratmans.

And here are we, and let's keep it that way.

No. I think we ought to mosey over

and see what we can see.

I think not.

You just don't want me to be near Emily.

I just don't want you near her uncle.

If it is her uncle.

See what I mean?

Oh, boy.

What is it?

That waiter over there.

Oh. What about him?

He looks like the guy...

Hello. Waiter, waiter.

Excuse me.

Uh, ha ha! Haven't we met somewhere before?

Sir?

Oh, now, surely you remember me.

Andrew Craig. Hmm? Nobel laureate in drowning.

Uh, how about this? Lindbloom. Chop, chop.

Nothing, huh?

Uh, what's your name?

Daranyi, sir.

Daranyi, huh?

Would you like a canape?

Which one has the body in it?

Now, don't look at me that way.

Where's count Jacobsson?

No, please. Why not?

I don't want to see you make a fool of yourself.

Then you'd better stay here.

Ah, count Jacobsson.

Ah, there you are, Mr. Craig.

May I see you for just one second?

Carlo Farelli, Mr. Andrew Craig.

How do you do? I'm delighted.

Signora Farelli, Mr. Andrew Craig.

How do you do? How do you do?

Mr. John Garrett and Mrs. Garrett.

Congratulations, Craig.

Yeah, well, we're a long way from home, aren't we?

You can say that again.

I want to see you.

John, not now.

There's something very strange happening here.

Yes, of course. This is Dr. Denise Marceau

and Dr. Claude Marceau.

Mr. Andrew Craig.

Andrew.

I never should have left you today.

Your wife and I almost had lunch together.

I have already seen the photograph

of your tete-a-tete, Mr. Craig.

I hope we were in focus.

Thank you for the flowers you sent me.

3 dozen of the most beautiful roses.

Well, I'm extravagant, aren't you?

Oh. This is mademoiselle Souvir,

the secretary of Dr. Claude Marceau.

Hello.

Congratulations, doctor.

Ah. Finally. You, see. There's this...

Oh. You know Mr. Wilson of your embassy here.

Yes, yes, of course.

Well, Mr. Craig, that was quite a splash you made

in your newspaper interviews today.

Well, if you think that was a splash.

Uh, now, you see that waiter over there?

Yes.

Well, do you know who he is?

Uh, obviously an employee

of the firm catering this occasion.

His name is Daranyi.

I see.

Please.

Gentlemen, please don't laugh,

but he tried to kill me today.

Ahem. My dear count, what would your guests say.

Mr. Craig, please, I beg of you.

Now, wait a minute. He murdered a man

by the name of Lindbloom,

who was going to tell me something

about Dr. Stratman.

He knows that I know,

so he pushed me into the canal.

And you drowned, no doubt.

I think we should call the police

and question the fellow

and, while we're at it,

see if we can't find Lindbloom's body.

Oh. Oh, it's missing.

Yes.

How awkward.

Mr. Craig, don't you think you have gone far enough?

I did my best to save you from yourself today

by cutting your press conference short.

I tried to save you further embarrassment

by not telling Mr. Wilson

miss Andersen's report to me.

What report?

She has given me full details

of your highly imaginative afternoon.

Oh, she has, eh?

I found it necessary to reprimand her

for not tending to you properly.

Oh, you shouldn't have done that.

I hope I won't have to do it again.

Gentlemen.

Well?

Nothing.

So you, uh, reported

to count Jacobsson today, eh?

I had to. Please forgive me.

Did he tell you what kind of bath oil to use?

You don't think that, do you?

I don't know what to think.

This, foolish man.

Hmm.

You know, whatever is going on around here,

I'm going to get to the bottom of it,

if only to prove to you

that I am not as big a nut as you think I am.

What are you going to do?

Even if I knew, do you think I'd tell you?

You'd blab everything to teacher.

So, uh, what would you like, dear?

Well, I can't quite make up my mind.

Hello there.

Hello.

Who are you tonight... how are you tonight, doctor?

Too many, uh, bubbles in the mouth,

eh, Mr. Craig?

You should have seen the bubbles

in my mouth this afternoon.

I'm afraid you're a little too quick for us.

Only two kinds, they say,

the quick and the dead.

Eh, professor?

Mmm. I'm sorry. Do you know

miss Andersen of the foreign ministry?

Oh. Good evening, miss Andersen.

Good evening.

Dr. Stratman!

Oh. I'm so relieved to see you here this evening.

Well, I hope you didn't think

I was too feeble for such festivities, Mrs. Garrett.

Oh, no. You see, this evening

when my husband returned to the hotel,

he said to me, "Saralee, I know it couldn't be,"

"but I could have sworn I saw Dr. Max Stratman"

"in a hospital corridor this afternoon"

"being wheeled to an operating room or someplace,"

"and he looked sort of unconscious."

And I said, "why, you must have been seeing things."

Well, I was right, wasn't I, Dr. Stratman?

Hold the fort.

John! Where is that man now?

My drinking has nothing to do with it.

Now, please, Dr. Garrett.

You're gonna hear what I have to say.

You can fool the Nobel committee and the press,

but you can't fool me.

You are joking with me, Dr. Garrett.

And don't give me that innocent Italian charm.

Sure, Eric Oman had nothing to tell me

at the hospital this afternoon.

How could he after you got to him first?

I give you my word. I never...

You used my findings,

my years of work!

No.

And covered the thievery

with one rotten, lying word... improvise.

Make yourself sober,

and maybe someday, il will let you apologize.

No, wait. No, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Stay out of this!

I am... am most embarrassed, Mr. Craig.

Go to hell!

I'm very sorry, but there's something

I have to ask you.

I don't want to talk about it.

Which hospital did you visit today?

Leave me alone.

No, Dr. Garrett, this is important.

Your wife said that you saw a man

that looked like Max Stratman

being wheeled down a hospital corridor today.

Amazing likeness.

Which hospital?

Ohh. I think I'm gonna be sick.

But which hospital?

Flora sanitarium, fourth floor.

Ohh.

Thanks.

I have just done a wicked thing.

I changed the place cards at the dinner table

to put us side by side.

Oh. Well, you better switch them back again,

or you'll be talking to an empty chair.

Oh. We've just had a lovers' quarrel?

What do you know about the flora sanitarium?

It's a private institution

for rich nervous breakdowns.

Where is it?

On Paulsolmen.

How far away?

A few minutes driving time.

Paulsolmen, hmm?

You're not thinking of leaving?

I'll be right back.

But dinner. Make excuses for me.

I'll go with you.

Oh, no, you won't.

What took you so long?

I didn't know I was expected.

Mr. Craig's coat, please.

Shall we use your car or mine?

Are we going someplace together?

That hospital, of course.

Of course.

Sorry.

Meanwhile back at the ranch,

they discover we're both missing.

Wonder what they'll think.

People will say we're in love.

Tell me something. Anything.

Earlier today, you implied

that I was, um, imagining things,

and pretty ridiculous things at that.

Here you are on your way to double-check them.

When did you change your mind?

Oh. I haven't changed my mind.

I just want to be there when you change yours.

I see.

You don't sound very convinced.

But I'm beginning to be convinced about you all right.

Wait here.

Yes. If I'm not out in two days, come in and get me.

Uh, good evening.

We're... do you speak English?

Somewhat.

Uh, do you have a patient here by the name of Stratman?

Wait here, please.

Mind if I do the talking?

I'm not even here.

I'm Dr. Eckhart.

May I be of assistance?

Yes. My name is Craig, and this is miss Stratman.

We're trying to find out if you have a patient here,

uh, miss Stratman's uncle, Dr. Max Stratman,

or else someone who looks like him,

possibly on the fourth floor?

There's no Stratman here.

Well, here's a picture of him.

Does that face look familiar?

Oh. Nobel prize winner.

And that's you... Mr. Andrew Craig.

I am honored.

Yes or no, doctor? No.

It's a matter of some urgency.

Would you object if we looked around the fourth floor?

Is this your request, miss Stratman?

Yes.

Come with me.

Sorry.

What about that one?

Unoccupied.

For how long?

A week or so.

- May 1? - Yes.

Coming, Mr. Craig?

I suppose you must think that I'm...

Where's miss Stratman?

I believe she's waiting downstairs.

I'm terribly sorry to have bothered you, doctor.

No bother. It gave me the pleasure of meeting you.

All right.

- Good night. - Good night.

Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Why, you...

Oh, not again.

Oh. Come on, Daranyi.

Just because I didn't eat

one of your damn canapes.

Excuse me. I need help. Could you tell me...

What? No, I can't.

No, I can't.

Herrar. Herrar.

Yes. Herrar. Herrar. Of course.

Someone's following me.

Clothes off, or no in here.

I need the police.

Nothing on. Nothing on.

Nothing on?

Ahh! Stop it. I'm ticklish.

Please.

Hold it. No, no. Just a minute, please. Do you speak English?

Why, yes. Most of us here do, I'm sure.

Well, I need help.

Then as a courtesy to our visitor from another land,

I will continue in English, all right?

No, no, no, no, no.

You don't understand. I'm in trouble!

Clothing does more than keep out the sun and air.

It makes the human anatomy excessively mysterious,

giving rise to improper thoughts.

Just... just... just a minute.

I'm being followed by two men

who are trying to kill me.

No. They're right back...

I, uh, I want you to send for the police.

No. I'm serious.

Now, I can't explain everything to you...

Americans are rarely serious about nudism,

but kindly remember that you are in Sweden.

Yes. And about to get a knife in my naked back.

Now, please, do not disrupt this meeting again!

Because if you persist, I will summon the police.

Can I borrow your towel?

I should say not.

One has only to observe...

Police?

Which modesty takes in different parts of the world,

to recognize the essential falsity.

If a man came upon a naked Swedish girl

or a naked French woman by accident...

You can be sure it was no accident.

She would quickly cover a certain area of her lower body

with her hands,

but if she were a naked Arab woman,

she would cover her face before all else.

Oh, yes. I've got a couple of tomatoes back home

that I wish would do the same thing.

I have asked you to stop!

What? And leave that poor Arab woman

with her bare face hanging out?

If a man were to surprise...

Psst. Mr. Norberg.

A naked Chinese woman...

She would try to hide her feet.

A celebes woman would cover her knees,

a Samoan girl her navel.

Listen. I once surprised a girl

who was part Chinese, part Samoan,

and part celebes, and when I...

She had a terrible time.

Under international nudism... Under international nudism,

every part of the body would be revealed.

What about elbows?

A person would have to cover nothing,

for there would be nothing to fear.

Question! Question!

And the consequence would be

a generally higher standard of morality all around.

Mr. Speaker, I demand to know your position

on the question of naked elbows.

Why don't we throw him out?

Let's all throw him out, Mr. Norberg!

Be patient!

Be patient!

He will not be with us for long.

Permit me to continue.

Stop peeking at me!

What kind of nasty minds do you have anyway?

If anybody touches me, I'll scream.

Uh, my friends, what is our goal then?

It is to promote the physical well-being

in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy! Lies, lies, lies.

I wish to be heard. Now, listen to me, all of you.

I'm speaking as an American citizen and as a non-nudist...

Throw him out, Mr. Norberg!

Temporarily caught with his pants down,

but don't listen to Mr. Norberg there

because he's playing the skin game.

While you're sitting here in the altogether,

your clothing lies back there in the locker rooms

at the mercy of professional thieves!

Mr. Norberg is stealing the shirts off your back,

and that's the naked truth!

Easy does it, boys.

You will put your clothing on, please.

Well, if you want me to go in there,

you're gonna have to come in there with me.

Can't you dress yourself?

There are two men in there waiting to kill me.

Why do you think I sent for you?

Oh. Come along.

All right.

Hmm. So they got away.

Yes, sir. Just get dressed.

How do you like that? They stole my clothes!

Hold on to your towel, please.

Come along.

Yes, I, um... we ought to go straight to headquarters.

I've got a rather involved story to tell,

and it may take some time, but it's rather urgent.

Ja, sure.

There won't be any need to tell us anything, Mr. Craig.

We know all about you and your stories from constable strohm.

Oh, yes, well, I can explain all that,

but couldn't we...

Please get in the car.

Get some sleep, Mr. Craig.

Thanks a lot.

I'm going to 4. You?

Six

yes, I always take a brisk walk before bedtime.

It helps me to fall asleep.

It's a bit chilly out tonight.

That's why I wore the towel.

No key.

Aah!

Oh, ma'am. Shh! Ma'am. Ma'am.

Denise!

Oh. Andrew.

May I, uh, come in?

Such a question.

At last, you are living up to your reputation.

Well, I'll explain about all this some other time.

But I understand everything.

Well, but right now, could you do me a favor?

Call the desk and have them send me up my key, room 443.

Immediately.

Uh, meanwhile, why don't you put on

something more comfortable?

To a beautiful evening.

To the woman who has made it beautiful.

Dr. Marceau, telephone.

Follow me, please.

Hello.

Allo, Claude. C'est Denise.

Mon Cheri, je voulais te dire

j'ai un homme nu dans ma chambre.

Non.

Non, ce nest pas possible.

Hello. This is Dr. Marceau.

Would you kindly send to my room the key

to Mr. Andrew Craig's suite, number 4437?

Well, of course it is for him.

Ships!

Your key's on the way.

Hmm.

Put this on and give me that ridiculous towel.

Oh, thanks.

Hello? Could you hold on for just one moment, please?

Hello? Andrew Craig speaking.

Do you have a bureau of shipping here in the city?

One hook in the back would you, please, Andrew?

Yeah. That's right.

Arrivals and departures.

Now, let me tell you what you missed

at the reception tonight.

No, no, no. Some other time. What was that?

And the zipper.

Well, could you find out what time they open in the morning?

Merci.

Yes, I'll wait.

A marvelous reaction

took place between my husband's secretary

and that charming Italian Dr. Farelli.

Oh, wonderful.

Thanks to my scientific manipulation

of the place cards at the dinner table.

Yes?

What are you doing?

Oh. I'm so happy, I want to share it with you.

Well, uh, yes. Never mind. Some other time.

Oh, hello, Claude.

You know Andrew Craig.

More so every moment.

My dressing gown looks

almost as well on you as it does on me.

And so, I might add, does my wife.

Very ingenious woman, your wife.

Excuse me. The key of Mr. Craig.

Yes. I have to run.

Good night, doctor. I shall return this in the morning.

Denise.

Thank you, Andrew.

Oh, Andrew. You forgot your towel.

Denise...

I think you need to be watched more closely.

I think so, too.

Hello.

How could you do this to me?

You deserve it.

I've been beside myself all night.

I wish I could be beside yourself all night.

Tell me what happened.

You'd never believe it.

Pretty.

It's not mine. It's Claude Marceau's.

His wife gave it to me.

Well, I was naked. What else could she do?

And what was she wearing?

Oh. Sort of an off-the-shoulder smile.

I want to know everything.

First things first.

Now, where would you like to start,

with Denise Marceau and you naked

or Emily Stratman and you cleverly slipping away

from the party?

Ah. The foreign ministry is jealous.

And waiting for an answer.

In due time. In due time,

but first, I have to scout around

and get some shipping information,

and the bureau of shipping is closed.

What sort of shipping?

Cargo ships, freighters, everything in port,

what's arriving, what's sailing.

I hope not sailed.

That should be in the evening papers.

Oh, of course.

You translate. I've got to get dressed.

Am I permitted to ask

the importance of these ships?

Yes. I'm playing a hunch.

Dear old Max Stratman

has been hustled aboard one of them

from that sanitarium tonight.

Please.

Well, everything today sailed this afternoon.

What about tomorrow?

Tomorrow. White explorer,

destination San Francisco.

No.

The George P. Wilson bound for Marseille.

No.

The boulanger for Antwerp.

No.

Dampfschiff moewe for Leningrad.

Leningrad? Hmm.

Well, go on.

Nothing. Probably just a coincidence,

but dampfschiff moewe is German.

It means steamship seagull.

Lindbloom's seagull.

That's what he was trying to tell me.

That's it. That's got to be it.

Arrives pier 18 tomorrow morning from Tallinn.

But not in yet?

And, um, sails tomorrow night

to Leningrad.

Tomorrow night?

Oh, of course.

Right after the Nobel ceremonies

with the real Stratman on board smuggled behind the iron curtain

while who knows what that phony Stratman does at the ceremonies.

You're going too fast for me.

No, no, no, no. It's perfect. It all fits.

Now, then, if we do anything tonight,

we might tip them off,

force them to change their plans.

They might even kill Stratman,

but tomorrow, they'll fall into their own trap.

They'll put Stratman aboard the seagull,

and then we have the police move in and search the ship.

On what evidence?

No evidence. A hunch, and a damn good one.

Isn't that enough?

Enough for an international incident, yes.

I love everything about you

except your misguided diplomatic caution.

Lindbloom had something to tell me.

That word was seagull. Daranyi tried to kill me again tonight.

So tomorrow, we are going to go to count Jacobsson

or someone who knows how to listen

and get some action before it's too late.

All right. We'll talk to count Jacobsson.

He'll be at concert hall

at the rehearsal tomorrow.

And you'll back me up?

Yes. Promise?

Yes.

Who is it?

The bellboy, sir.

Mr. Craig, a gentleman brought these to the hotel,

saying you forgot your clothing at the gymnasium.

Oh. On the chair, please.

Was he a tall gentleman with a thin face?

Yes, sir.

That was no gentleman.

He instructed me to say to you

he will be seeing you again.

Oh. How comforting.

Will there be anything else tonight, sir?

I hope so.

Ohh.

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh-uh.

I think I like you a little bit.

I think I like you a little bit, too.

And I approve of gymnasiums.

You must be in excellent physical condition.

You must be in excellent physical condition, too.

Good night, dear assignment.

Good night.

Concert hall, please.

Konserthus.

Remember me, Mr. Craig?

Dr. Eckhart.

Never forget the face.

Please forgive me for inviting myself into your car,

but I feared I might not have an opportunity

to speak to you in time.

In time?

About miss Inger Lisa Andersen.

What, uh, about miss Andersen?

I know how greatly it would grieve you

if she were to be found tomorrow

the victim of some unfortunate accident.

Eckhart, I don't know who you are,

and I don't know exactly what all this dirty mess is about,

but how would you like to wind up

in one of your own hospital beds?

Tend strictly to your own affairs,

and immediately after the great Nobel event

comes to an end, miss Andersen will be released

as untouched and as lovely as she was

when she left your hotel suite last night.

What do you mean released?

She's perfectly safe in our hands, I assure you.

You're lying. She's waiting for me

right now at concert hall.

No, Mr. Craig.

Well, if she's not there,

then I'll call the foreign ministry, and they'll take...

And they will tell you

that she was regrettably summoned to the bedside

of an aging relative in northern Sweden.

We have already sent a message in her name.

You will do nothing further,

say nothing further to anyone,

particularly the authorities.

Is that clear, Mr. Craig?

Her life is in your hands now.

Oh, here we are, concert hall.

If you don't mind, I'll continue in this car.

Now rise, gentlemen,

and after a moment,

come down to me, the king, to accept your award.

Perhaps you'd like to accept both prizes.

If you mean an additional prize

for tolerance and restraint, yes.

His majesty will then make the presentation.

Dr. Farelli, I'll take your hand.

Dr. Garrett...

Excuse me.

Your hand.

Now, gentlemen, if you'll step back,

bow, and return to your seats.

Not so fast.

I, uh, just want to thank you

for everything, especially last night.

You've been such a lovely little peach.

Do you mind, please?

I thought I didn't give a damn about the Nobel prize,

but now, thanks to you and your ugly little playmates,

I'd rather lose my neck than see the wrong man get it.

I've had about enough thanks for today.

You will have a lot worse coming

if anything... if anything happens to Inger Lisa Andersen.

You remember that?

Oh, Mr. Craig, you're just in time.

Where, uh, where is miss Andersen?

Oh. I'm sorry. Ja. She had to journey to Oernskoeldsvik,

an illness in the family,

but I can arrange for someone else.

Oh, no, never mind.

Then if you'll take your place on the stage, please.

Oh, I can't.

But the rehearsal.

There isn't time.

Why?

Is something wrong?

No, no, nothing. Nothing at all.

Oh, then, please.

Excuse me.

Mr. Craig. Mr...

Wer ist da?

Daranyi and ivar.

Wer ist da?

Daranyi.

What's this?

What's this?

Well, help me. I'm a writer, not a weightlifter.

Mr. Craig.

Are you all right, professor?

I've never felt better in all my life.

Ohh.

You know, it's all your fault.

You should have stayed with me last night.

All your fault. You didn't insist.

Now, what's this all about?

You tell him, miss Andersen.

Well, you see, the other Stratman is his brother.

Emily's father?

Yes. Twin brother Walter.

He's supposed to have died in a prison camp during the war.

Get his belt.

Wound up behind the iron curtain

and became one of them, dedicated.

Tie his feet.

But it's him they want,

his brain working for them.

A man named, um, Eckhart is running the show.

Ja, and boasting to me in that hospital

about all his tricks, the dirty swine.

What tricks?

Well, it would be bad for world opinion if they kidnapped me,

so they have to make it seem like I was leaving because I wished to leave.

My brother will step onto the stage of concert hall,

posing as me,

and nobody will ever know the truth.

Only he's not going to get on that stage

because you're going to get there first.

We'll never make it in time.

What's Emily's part in this?

Well, first, they shocked her

with the news that her father was still alive,

and then they forced her into helping them

by saying his life would be in danger if she didn't.

You... you... you mustn't blame my Emily.

She really loves me.

Well, I am glad to hear that.

All right. You're off to the concert hall.

Oh, no, no. I'm too weak.

Aren't we all? Come on, come on, come on.

On your feet.

No.

Please, oh, please.

It will be all right.

What now?

I haven't the slightest idea.

Here. Stop.

I guess we're gonna have to take a ride.

Must we?

Oh. And I was so comfortable.

I'll be in the next one.

Daranyi. Shh.

Do you know what you're... unh...

What you're doing to me?

I guess we'll have to get married.

You haven't given me an answer.

To what?

My proposal.

The answer is yes.

If you take your elbow out of my... unh... ribs.

Let's go.

You all right, professor?

Kaput bin ich.

What do you... what do you...

Pull this one. The other one. Yes, yes.

Steady.

No, no, please.

Dr. Farelli?

Hello, Mr. Craig.

I hate to do this, but I need you.

What is it?

Max Stratman... he's collapsed.

Ay. Where is he?

Right here. Follow me.

The house doctor's out on an emergency.

They don't know for how long.

Grave, molto grave.

Ah. Dr. Garrett, come on in.

I don't think you need me.

Oh, please, Dr. Garrett, quickly.

I must have your opinion.

He's had a cardiac arrest.

Si. Ventricular fibrillation, I think.

Or tachycardia.

Wh-what does that mean?

His heart is fluttering. There's no effective beat.

It's hopeless unless we can get him to a hospital.

It's too late. No time, no time.

I think he's failing.

You can't let that happen.

Improvvisare, improvvisare, improvise!

What are you gonna do?

He must live.

Open his shirt.

You'll kill him.

Get back.

Oh, uh, don't touch him.

Stand back.

Where am 1? Heaven?

Stockholm.

Ah. Heaven.

We did it, Dr. Garrett.

We did it!

You did it.

Ohh.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

No, please.

Please. We're late for concert hall.

Oh. Don't be foolish.

No. Getting out of bed now would be a grave risk.

But now at the greatest moment of my life.

Oh. My dear Stratman, if I were you,

I would stay put, huh?

Yes, but you're not me.

I'm going. Nothing will stop me.

Nothing. Please. I feel fine.

All right. All right.

I feel all right.

Just rest a moment.

Shall we tell them that you're...

No, no, no. Don't tell anybody about anything,

regardless of what happens later, all right?

All right.

Everybody, hear me.

Get ready. The king is entering.

Mr. Craig?

How do you feel?

I feel well, Dr. Farelli.

How do you feel?

Mr. Craig? Where is Mr. Craig?

He is not here. What is going to happen?

Ohh. That I should have to wear

a headwaiter's uniform

instead of my beautiful dress suit.

Think of the poor headwaiter,

sitting around in his underwear.

Ja.

All my life I'm an ox.

Tonight, I feel like a dog.

You're doing fine. Up there.

Up there? Oh. I can't do it.

To Dr. John Garrett of the United States

and Dr. Carlo Farelli of Italy.

Bravo!

Oh, please. Just for a minute.

Why don't you let me carry you, doctor?

Because I'm a stubborn old man

who wants to do this on his own two feet.

The introduction is brief.

They are coming to you, Dr. Stratman.

Ach, der liebe.

For his distinguished research

in the field of photochemical solar energy conversion

and for his discovery of hitherto undreamt of methods

of employing solar energy

to synthesize new rocket propellants,

the Nobel prize in physics to Dr. Max Stratman of the United States.

I want to talk to you.

Let go of me!

It's about your daughter Emily.

I have no daughter!

I know you're Walter Stratman.

I know the whole story.

Stratman!

She did it for you. Do something for her.

Free her. Tell her she's got no obligation.

Look out!

Unh... Max Stratman.

Ach. You fool.

Take care of him.

A good performer knows...

When to leave the stage, ja, liebchen?

And so farewell to Max

and farewell to Walter Stratman

and good-bye to the makeup magic

of Oscar Lindbloom,

who could not hold his tongue.

But my father.

We had to deceive you into believing he was alive

in order to get your help.

Who are you?

I'm just an actor who specializes in political roles.

Your friend Mr. Craig has rewritten

my ending... badly.

Aah!

For his writings in support of humanitarian ideas,

for his restless curiosity,

his unending search for the truth,

his unconquerable spirit,

and his adventurous imagination

that seems to recognize no boundaries,

the Nobel prize of literature

to Mr. Andrew Craig of the United States.

I owe him so many explanations

I won't know where to begin.

From London by mail.

Why do I always worry each year

that something is going to go wrong?

It never does.