Original subtitles

Dad.

Since it looks like I'm gonna be the family wizard anyway,

can I just take out the garbage using magic?

Come on, for practice.

Magic to do your chores?

Are you new here?

Theresa, come on.

A little practice can't hurt.

Mom, you can't resist the pout.

Fine.

Garbage man, dumpster land, givin' a hand to the trash can.

Ladies and gentlemen, the future family wizard.

What a nightmare.

Keep the clapping going,

because I have a very big announcement.

I have decided to quit the wizard competition.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Russo family quitter.

We are an impressive bunch.

Alex, why would you want to give up magic?

Well, I figure I'm so far behind, I won't even qualify.

This way, I can put all of my focus

into my relationship with Mason.

And I intend to focus on our relationship

by giving up many of my canine urges.

Like rolling around in this delightful trash.

All right.

Go ahead and knock yourself out.

She declares her love for her werewolf

by sacrificing her powers.

Harper, what are you doing?

I'm writing a romance novel.

It's all about this teenage witch in New York City

who falls desperately in love with a werewolf.

Witch and a werewolf... I'm not a witch.

It's not all about you, Alex.

Well, then, what's that witch's name?

Al...

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Hi. We're looking for Max Russo.

If he did something good, it probably wasn't him.

If he did something bad, we're broke.

Where is he, Daddy? If I don't meet him,

I'm going to throw away all of my stuff,

and make you buy it all again.

Not again, princess. Please, tell me he's here.

Hi. I'm Julie Cucuy.

- Cucuy? - This is my husband, Carlos,

and our daughter Lisa.

Lisa saw Max on this month's cover of Future Wizards.

Wait, wait, your last name is Cucuy?

That's funny because that's also the name

of these scary Latino mythical creatures

that my mom used to talk to me about

to make me behave as a child.

That's us. Boo.

We're real Cucuys.

We live here in the real world just like you wizards do.

Excuse us.

Theresa, I've heard about these Cucuys.

They are filthy rich.

And it's always been my lifelong dream

to hang out with the filthy rich.

I thought your lifelong dream

was to have a vending machine couch.

The filthy rich would have that.

Wait, if you guys are real Cucuys,

how come you're not as scary as I remember you to be?

In the summer of '79, I put you to bed every night

with my scary face under my skin.

Boo!

Cucuys!

I promise I'll behave, Mama! I'm sorry!

What's she saying?

It sounded like she was ordering a number four from Fiesta Express.

There he is.

Max Russo, the future wizard.

Future wizard?!

What?

Oh, that's me.

You didn't even win the competition!

That's it. I'm doing whatever it takes to get back into this thing.

But first, I'm gonna draw a silly mustache

and maybe a unibrow to express my discontent.

Hi, Max.

Hmmm. You're even cuter in person.

Yeah, we should date so I can tell you what to wear.

Well, can you start by telling me to wear a Viking helmet?

Everything goes with one of those.

I don't think so.

- Then I'm out. - He's not out, he's not out!

You just made a big mistake.

That was awesome. You should have opened with that.

I'm Max Russo. Hi.

Credit Union of Wiz World,

John Doe Wiz World City Prosecutor,

Ah, Wizard Family Competition Commissioner's Office. 15C.

Welcome to the Wizard Family Competition Commissioner's Office.

Can I help you?

Uh, yes. Hello there, Helen.

I'm Justin Russo.

- Justin Russo. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah, here you are.

Wait, you're the kid who exposed wizardry?

Might have slipped out.

You have got some nerve walking around here.

I was wondering if there was anything you can think of

to, uh... get me back into the running.

Helen.

Well...

All right, we do offer a community service program

that might help you gain a level.

Let's see what current jobs are available.

OK. Centaur stable cleaner.

Wizard grave digger.

Really?

Or tutoring a class of delinquent WizTech students.

Any of those suit your fancy?

Tutoring suits my fancy. Yes, tutoring.

I was born to shape young wizards' minds.

- Really? - Yeah!

- That's so noble of you. - They call me Noble Justin.

Well...

All right, then. They will be at your lair tomorrow.

Good luck.

Excellent. Thank you.

And, uh... It was good seeing you, Helen.

You got the gig, kid. Give it a rest.

Do it again.

Do it again, do it again.

I've already shown you 18 times.

It's getting annoying.

He was annoying to me, too, at first.

But he'll grow on you.

There's my little princess.

With her prince.

The Cucuys! How are ya? Hi!

They are really hitting it off.

You might want to put on sunglasses,

'cause the sparks, they are a-flying.

Good, because we wanted to invite Max

to our yacht for a dinner party.

Do you think he would enjoy that?

Max would be up for anything.

Um, but he doesn't go anywhere without his family.

I mean, he doesn't do anything without us.

Especially yachting.

Terrific. You're all invited to our yacht on the Hudson.

Yacht on the Hudson? Yacht on the Hudson?

Max! We're going yachting on the Hudson!

Yachting on the Hudson. Yachting on the Hudson.

Thank you so much.

We would love to attend.

Uh... could you pop us some more popcorn, love?

Plain or caramel?

Oh, that. It was a gem.

Let's embellish it a little bit. All right.

Um, how about you say,

"Albert, I would hike through plains

and swim through an ocean of caramel to be..."

Hey, kids!

Oh, Chancellor Tootietootie.

Just popping in when there might be someone around

who shouldn't know about magic.

Just what I was afraid of.

You guys are still together.

Of course we're together.

That's what you do when you're dating.

When you're married is when you do things separately.

Well, I heard you dropped out of the wizards' competition.

If you're going to be a mortal, you should know

that the Wizard Love and Romance Council

strictly prohibits werewolves and non-wizards from being together.

What? Why?

The werewolf always ends up eating the human.

You know that. Werewolves can't control their anger.

It's just a fact of life.

But we were gonna be together forever and ever.

So long that I said "ever" twice.

I would never eat my little meatball.

See, he's already looking at you as food.

You guys are through. It's the rules.

Sorry, but it's time to board the train to Splitsville.

Choo, choo!

We can't... We can't be together?

Then that means...

We have to break up.

That's not Splitsville!

I can't be without you.

I can't be without you either.

After all that we've been through, it just can't end like this.

This is awkward.

I always wait too long before I flash out.

You keep going here and I'll just leave. OK?

No, no, no, no, no. Wait.

It's actually good that you're still here.

Who do we have to talk to at the Love and Romance Council

to see about getting this rule appealed?

That would be me. I'm the chairperson of the Love and Romance Council.

And now it's going to be even more awkward

when I inform you that your appeal is denied.

All right, let's flash it out. Come on!

Alex. Oh, hi, Chancellor Tootietootie.

Why aren't you getting ready for the Cucuy yacht party?

My two nightmares rolled up into one.

Boats and Cucuys. What a treat.

A Cucuy party? You're so lucky.

Well, you're lucky, too.

Because we're inviting you to tag along.

Really? Even after I just insensitively told you

the heart-wrenching news that you have to break up?

Yeah. See, that's the great thing about me

is I do not hold a grudge

or offer things insincerely

in hopes of getting something in return.

I'm going to a Cucuy party!

I better flash out, before you change your mind.

Harper, he's gone.

Whoo, all right.

Nicely played, Alex.

For a second there, I thought you guys were gonna have to break up,

But once he gets to that Cucuy party,

he'll be so grateful, he'll bend all the rules for you.

Oh, now I get it.

I just thought Alex was being uncharacteristically generous.

- Me? - You, generous?

Welcome, class. Please have a seat.

Make yourselves comfortable.

Or make a mess.

I'm your wizard tutor, Justin Russo.

I know a lot of you have been written off by WizTech.

But I'm here to write you on.

It sounded way better in my head.

Ah. We have our first latecomer.

Let me guess. Big guy.

Thinks he's too cool for school.

Let me guess. Lame-o who irons his socks?

There's nothing wrong with a crisp toe crease.

Yeah, but there's something wrong with your mom.

You met my mom?

This is gonna be a lot more work than I had anticipated,

but I tell you guys, I am a person who likes challenges.

Excellent. Let's throw down.

C'mon, pull your sleeves off right now.

I'm wearing a tie. I don't think so.

All right, fine. I'll do it for you.

I just ironed both of them.

Thank you for having us, Carlos.

This is a beautiful boat.

Wow. How much does one of these babies cost?

You looking to buy one?

No, just looking to brag.

I am doing great. Would you laugh?

Man, these Cucuys really know how to live.

Thanks, Carlos.

Hey, free caricatures on the Lido deck.

Let me ask you a question. Is my head that big? Be honest with me.

No.

I'm glad we brought you,

so you could have so much well-deserved fun.

Yeah, which you wouldn't have had if we didn't bring you here.

And also you get to see what a great couple we make.

You know what?

You do make a great couple.

It would be a shame to see you two break up.

I like where this is going.

There shouldn't be rules keeping you apart.

I'm gonna recommend to the Love and Romance Council

that the rule be overturned. Congratulations.

I love where this went.

It worked! We don't have to break up!

What are they so happy about?

I don't know.

I mean, he's a werewolf, so what's not to be happy about?

Oh, he's a werewolf?

I like them. They're cute and dangerous.

That and they can be smooth when they want to, and hairy when they don't.

Daddy, I changed my mind!

I want him!

Now, let's continue our journey into education

with some fun. All right?

Who here has heard of the Abraca-doodler?

Uh, yeah. Your mom's an abraca-doodler.

Ooooh!

Doesn't even make sense.

OK. I want everyone to turn their attention

to this ancient teaching device.

Whatever I draw on it will materialize.

Watch.

All right?

- Oh. - Yes, Felix.

Can I try?

Of course, yes. Yes.

This is good. When you take your first step towards education,

education takes a step towards you.

That one sounded way better out loud than in my head.

A bell!

Excellent. You have mastered the Abraca-doodler.

School's out.

No, school is not out!

Felix! You raised your hand.

Check minuses, all of you. It's done.

Hey, Mason.

Max just told me you're a werewolf.

So, do you want to be my boyfriend?

My dad will buy you all the chew toys you want.

Hi, Lisa. Yes.

See, he's my boyfriend.

We just fought for love and won, so...

And you're on a boat named after me.

So, I think I win.

Come on, Mason.

Let's go slow dance in the ballroom.

That's not a good idea.

Ooh, a feisty werewolf. Even better.

Cucuys are usually terrified of werewolves, but I'm not.

Mason, I'll take care of this.

You want to see a feisty werewolf?

You got it.

Hey! Hey, everyone.

Let's play a game called "Embarrass Your Boyfriend."

I'll go first. Do you know Mason told me

he sleeps in a nightgown and cap,

like Ebenezer Scrooge?

What are you doing? I told you to never tell anyone that.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mason. Are you getting upset?

Did you know that Mason can only ride in the car

if his head is sticking out the window

and his tongue is flapping in the wind?

Alex, stop. You're making me mad.

Oh, and here's the best one.

Mason cries if you just say Old Yeller.

- Old Yeller. - Stop it!

Jerry, what is Alex doing?

I don't know, but the Cucuys are laughing,

and when rich people laugh, you laugh.

Ooh, this is gonna be good. It's werewolf time.

Werewolf?!

Cucuys!

Hey! Polyester gets really clingy when it's wet.

Carlos, Julie, I'll save you!

- Jerry? - She didn't mean it!

Good thing I'm always ready for a swim, huh?

Cannonball!

Maybe I should move.

You can go in the easy way or my way.

Nice going, wolfy.

Excellent work.

You wrecked a perfectly good party.

Not to mention a near-authentic admiral's uniform.

See? What did I say?

Werewolves can't control themselves,

and that will put you in danger.

No rule change.

You two need to break up, and the sooner the better.

Now I'm going to flash out before this clingy suit

makes it really awkward for you guys.

Chancellor Tootietoot!

Alex, why did you make me do that?

You completely blew our chance of us ever being together.

I know, I'm so sorry. I just...

I got jealous.

What do we do?

I guess we have to break up.

But we can still be close friends.

There's no rules against that.

Whatever we have to do to still be around each other,

I'll do.

Friend.

Me, too. Friend.

- Sorry. - Right.

- Right. - Friends.

Friends.

Awww! "The end."

Aw, what a great and tragic romance.

I did it. I finished my first novel.

Harper, can you give me a hand?

I don't know what I was thinking.

I'm not a WizTech professor.

I'm just a future non-wizard.

Oh, listen, sweetie.

You want to try the centaur stable gig?

It's not so bad...

...if you have boots up to your neck.

Hey, Mr. Jeff.

It's Justin.

Yeah. Be happy I picked a boy's name.

Thanks for showing me that Abraca-doodler thing.

I'm gonna tell the rest of the delinquents

that it's cool to come back tomorrow.

Really?

You hear that, Helen?

Sure did.

You could still turn them around and get back in the competition.

Yeah, Teach.

Tell your mom you're doing... a good job.

Is that another mom insult?

No, I just thought she'd appreciate hearing it.

Ah! You tell your mother you're doing a good job, too.

Don't talk about my mother.

Just sewed 'em back on!

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