All language subtitles for Wizards Of Waverly Place s02e25 Cast-Away To Another Show.eng

Hey!
What are you doing?

Oh, there's nothing
good on TV,

so I'm going to watch
Alex do homework.

That's a reality show
I've never seen an episode of.

Daddy, see?
Too many distractions.

It's really Justin's fault that
I've fallen behind in science.

Really? I thought
it had something to do

with the 14 missing assignments.
[gasping]

Fourteen?
I thought it was ten.

[stammering] I told you that
four weeks ago.

[sighing] This is why you aren't
doing anything over school break,

except take that
science class.

It's ironic that the person
who likes school the least

has to do it the most.

[chuckling]
Life is funny like that.

- Here, Justin. This one's for you.
- Oooh.

This is from that
essay contest I entered.

"Winner..." Winner, winner!
I won! I won the contest!

I won a trip to the S.S. Tipton
Teen Cruise to Hawaii.

- [gasping] - [both yelling]
We're going on a cruise!

Teen cruise.
Family members 18 and under.

[both yelling]
We're going on a cruise!

Ah! Hold on there,
little girl.

You're not going anywhere
but that science class.

That's what you get
for missing ten assignments.

- It's up to 14 now.
- What?

Clearly, we need
to check every week.

Alex, you're gonna come
to the ship with us

and drop off your brothers.

And maybe seeing all the fun
they're about to have

will make you feel
really bad about yourself.

- Is that good parenting?
- I think it is.

All right.

Oh, my gosh.
Look...

It says here I get a
photo op with London Tipton.

[sighing]
She's beautiful and rich.

And famous for doing
absolutely nothing.

- Aren't you kinda known for
doing nothing? - [scoffing]

You think I'm doing nothing,

but really I'm planning
something against you.

- That's my popcorn. Come on!
- No.

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Hey, Mr. Moseby.

"Teen Cruise to Hawaii?"
Awesome, huh?

If I paint over the word "teen,"
will they go away?

Come on, Mr. Moseby.
It can't be that bad.

I signed up for the class
you're teaching.

Oh, good. I look forward
to matching minds with you.

- Shouldn't be half bad.
- Oh, really?

- You plus you equals all bad.
- OK, zzzt!

[elevator dings]

Wow.

We're just saying
goodbye to the boys.

- You don't have to wear a life vest.
- Yes, I do.

We're on water. And if people
were meant to be on water,

we'd be born with these things.

But you have all those swimming
medals from high school.

Honey, why do you think
I was so fast?

I couldn't wait
to get out of the water.

Ah.

Thank you.

Dude, check it out! There's a
marine paleontology exhibit on board.

They must have known
I was coming.

Was I supposed
to keep an eye on Alex,

- and make sure she didn't sneak away?
- Yes.

When exactly
does that job start?

- Russos? The Russo party.
- Right here. Yes.

Ah, the contest winners.

Welcome to the S.S. Tipton
Teen Cruise to Hawaii.

- [groaning] You know, the
ship's name is "Tipton," - Mm-hm.

which has the word "tip" in it.
Which makes me really nervous.

It also has the word
"ton" in it.

As in this ship weighs
87,000 tons.

Oh, my gosh.
How does this thing float?

Magic.

I'm kidding.

There's no such thing
as magic!

The letter said I would get
a photo op with London Tipton.

Justin, don't be disappointed
if she won't talk to you.

Maybe there will be a cardboard
cut-out of her you can meet.

Now, let me tell you about the
wonderful amenities we have on board:

We have an arcade and a hot tub,
a buffet, a basketball court.

Oooh! And a state-of-the-art
marine biology lab,

- where I'll be teaching class.
- There's a school on board?

- Yes.
- Don't tell Alex.

She'll wear us down until
we let her take her class here.

Theresa, we must be strong.

87,000 tons.

Now, I'll take the teens
to their contest-winning cabin.

Is it close to, uh,
London Tipton's room?

No, but it's close to where we store the
cardboard cut-outs of her. [cackling]

Bye!

OK. Let's find Alex
and get out of here.

Right. Before she figures
out there's a school on board.

- [elevator dings] - Did you guys
know there's a school on board?

- And, there's a 24-hour pizza
bar. - There's a pizza bar?

Don't get distracted by the
pizza. That's part of her plan.

But pizza's the second
most distracting food,

after ice cream.

I wonder if they
have ice cream on board.

OK, I've lost you.

Alex, even if we said yes,
you're not even packed.

So if I'm packed, I'm good?

"Bags from home meet me here,

take them there
and bring them near."

You packed your bags?

How did you know
you'd be going?

I find that if you keep acting like
something you want is gonna happen,

a lot of times it does.

Listen, if I let you do this, you
have to promise to stay in that class.

And find out if there's
any ice cream in there.

Dad, I promise to stay in class.
What else am I going to do?

Well... Ah! I'm not gonna
give you any ideas.

[ship horn blowing]

Oh, my gosh.
We're sinking.

Let's go!
[yelling] Let's go!

[singing] Ah-ha!

This is the S.S. Tipton
Teen Cruise's best cabin.

- This is the ship's infirmary.
- [Moseby] Hm...

Oh, uh, I don't know
what "infirmary" means,

but I'm pretty sure this is
where they treat the sick people.

True, we were over-booked,

- but it is one of our most
sanitary cabins. - [Max] Ah.

At least it was.

Enjoy.

[door closing]

Justin, look.
Check it out.

It's one of those arm clocks.

I'm going to go
put it on people

and tell them what time
it is inside their bodies.

Bon jour, brothers!
Surprised to see me?

[scoffing] No. Surprised that
you know two words of French.

Mom and Dad said as long as I take
my science class on board, I can stay.

Mom and Dad also think I got no
shot at meeting London Tipton.

And they're probably right.

What would London Tipton
want to do

with someone who could only get on
this ship by entering an ess contest?

The photo op will probably be,
"Hello, I wrote an essay."

[high-pitched] "Oh.
Hello, I'm beautiful and rich."

Click! "Wait, my eyes were
closed! Can we... you, busy."

If you want to talk to London
Tipton, just do what I do.

Keep acting like something
you want's gonna happen.

And a lot of times it just does.
I'm on the cruise, right?

Yeah, you may
be on to something.

Well, get out of here.
I'm about to do something

you don't
wanna know about.

- Does it involve me?
- No.

All right.

Hey, I was thinking
while I was in there,

these tights could be a hat.

Why not? See how much fun
this cruise is?

Speaking of fun, I signed you up for
a really cool marine biology course.

Marine biology?
That doesn't sound like fun.

What? You love marine biology.
Remember that whale-watching trip?

- The one when I got seasick? - That
wasn't seasick. That was excited-sick.

I do throw up
when I get excited.

Well, get ready to vomit, because
you're going to marine biology class.

- Thanks, Alex.
- Oh, one more thing though.

You're going to be
Alex Russo when you go.

Well, who are you
gonna be?

I'm gonna be the girl having as much
fun as she can, as fast as she can

until she gets caught.

Someone get this thing off me!

It keeps getting tighter!

[air hissing]

[sighing] Ah, thanks.

So, I hear you're randomly
taking people's blood pressure.

I'm Zack. I'm kind of the one on the
ship who does weird and hilarious stuff.

Well, good for you. I'm the one who
does incredibly cool, serious stuff

that people laugh at
for no reason.

[chuckling] That sounds
like a challenge.

Well, that's where
you're wrong.

It sounds to me like the whole
time you've been talking,

I've been trying to figure out
what you meant by "blood pressure."

Oh, it's on. You and me.
Tonight. Easy Squeezy.

We're drinking super-sized
"everything slushies."

They give you a slush rush.
See if you can handle it.

You're on.

[silent mouthing]

Oh! Excuse me, do you
work in this jewelry store?

Can I see that
in a princess setting?

- Jewelry store?
- Hm-hm.

Uh... I don't work here.

Uh, I was just wondering, uh...

- Where would you like to go on
our second date? - [chuckling]

Well, second dates for me
are taking my private jet

to one of my four castles
for fried chicken,

or taking one of my helicopters to
one of my yachts for fried chicken.

- I love fried chicken.
- [both giggling]

Wait a minute. We didn't go out
on a first date. Who are you?

Uh, no, I, uh...

- I'm... the paleontologist in
charge of this exhibit. - [gasps]

- Yep. Dr. uh... Fossil.
- [gasps]

- I'm a doctor.
- Oh, I like doctors.

So, Dr. Fossil, if we were
going on a second date,

and I'm not saying we are,
because I think the number "second"

comes after the number "first,"

but then, I was never really
good with lower case numbers,

where would you take me?

I'd take you to the best
restaurant on this ship.

[gasps]
The Balcony of the Neptune Room?

- That. - Tonight. Eight.
I'll meet you there, Dr. Fossil.

The doctor is in.

- Hi. I'm Alex Russo.
- I'm Cody Martin.

I see you like to get to class
before the teacher, too.

I do. And I'm OK with sitting up front,
now that my self-confidence is up.

People used to make fun of me behind
my back, but now I'm OK with it.

They also find it threatening if you
turn around and say, "I heard that."

Nice to meet you, Alex Russo.
I'm going to remember you.

Ah, you don't have to.

Ah! I need one more for
the tug of war. Hm? Anyone?

Chance to humiliate
some boys?

Sure, why not!

And the winner gets two tickets
to the Hannah Montana concert.

[gasping] Oh my gosh,
I love Hannah Montana.

Well, good for you,
girl I don't know.

I'm Bailey.
What's your name?

I'm... girl you don't know.

And, go!

- We're slipping. We're slipping!
- Spit on the floor!

- [hocking, spitting noises]
- Rub your shoes in it.

Oh, it's working!
Oh, I get it.

- It gets the dust off your shoes to
give traction... - Less talk, more pull!

Sorry!

- Ha!
- [both] Powned!

- What! Eat it.
- Yeah!

- And the winner is Bailey and...
- Girl you don't know.

[squeaking] We won!
We're going to Hannah Montana!

[chuckling] Massive splash,
and I got nothing.

Now, I will need your name so I
can put it on the winners board

- with your picture for everyone to see.
- No, no, no. No names.

No board. We didn't win. We
cheated by spitting on the floor.

- She told me to, Mr. Moseby.
- After all we've been through?

- Can I still go to Hannah Montana?
- Oh!

Not unless you win
the scavenger hunt.

I'm gonna go look for an egg-beater.
There's always an egg-beater.

I will need your name
for the cheaters roster.

- My name...
- Hm-hm.

...is...

Ashley... Olsen.

Ashley Olsen, you are the most
honest cheater I've ever met.

[camera clicking]

Ashley Olsen. I can probably
remember that. Ashley... Oh, no.

Ah, well.

And so I had to go ahead
and operate on him,

even though I only had a Swiss
army knife and a bowling ball.

[gasping] Oh, my gosh.

That is so amazing.

You did all that and
you're a teenage doctor?

- Nope. I did all that because
I'm a teenage doctor. - [gasps]

You know, there are a lot of people
who make up all kinds of stories

- just to get close to me.
- Really?

Yeah, people lie to me
all the time.

- But, you would never lie to me,
would you, Dr. Fossil? - Oh, uh, no!

- London, there's something
I have to tell you. - Me, too.

Look, I'm just so glad I finally met
someone who can be real around me.

- Now, what were you going to say?
- Nothing.

Just that I was gonna remind you that I'm
a teenage doctor and I really like you.

- [both chuckling]
- Well, I really like you, too.

- [phone ringing]
- Oooh. Text!

- Oh, what a pain. I have to go.
- What?

I really wanna finish
this date, but I can't.

I have to go to the main deck
to greet some poor family

who had to win a contest to
get on the boat, the Russos.

Oh, that's how you
know you're full.

Max! Dude, I'm in trouble.

London Tipton thinks
I'm the rich Dr. Fossil,

and she's on her way here to take
a picture with the poor Russos.

Oh, no. We're poor?

Well then, I guess
I can't afford these.

[water splashing]

You're gonna be no help.

Where am I gonna
get a disguise?

- Harper!
- Hi, Justin!

You're good with costumes,
right? I need you to...

Well, I'm not sure I have
that material. Harper?!

What are you doing here?

I'm part of Alex's scheme.

- I need you to be Alex Russo.
- That's also part of Alex's scheme.

- Great.
- [gasping] There's London Tipton!

You guys must be the Russos.
Max, Justin and Alex.

- London, I know what you're thinking...
- Yeah.

I'm thinking I need to
get this photo op over with,

so I can get back
to Dr. Fossil.

Oh, my gosh. You look
just like him! [giggles]

- And...
- [camera clicking]

...you just met London Tipton.
Have a nice cruise.

That girl is really dumb.

And that's coming from me.

- [slurping noises]
- Time! I finished first.

No, I finished first.
This is exactly why I said

we shouldn't drink
from the same cup.

You can't tell
who finished first.

Yeah. Maybe you're right.

I have an idea how
we can settle this.

- Settle what?
- Don't try to confuse me.

Look, I'm gonna beat you at
luggage cart races tomorrow.

[chuckling] Oh, you're on.

Exactly.

Hey, are we even doing
this right, Ashley?

- Ashley...
- Olsen?

That's it.

Well, if the object
of the game

is to see how many of these
things we can knock overboard,

- I think we're winning.
- [water splashing]

To see the cells
of this lobster,

you'll stain them with tiny
amounts of methylene blue.

- Stains are also how you can tell me
from my brother. - [chuckling] Nice one!

- Thanks.
- [giggling]

Anyway. After that,
you'll prepare the lobster

- with a little bit of butter and
tarragon. - [both giggling]

How long does it take to
get from the Atlantic Ocean

to the middle of
the Pacific Ocean?

- That's an excellent question,
Alex Russo. - Well, that's me!

It takes a month of constant
sailing at top speed

if you go
through the Panama Canal.

Or you could take the path
Magellan did in 1522

and go around
Cape Horn, but...

- But he died before he got all the
way home. - Knowledge is cool.

- So are dead explorers.
- You're an amazing student, Alex Russo.

Well, that's
Alex Russo for you.

That's me. Alex Russo.

- Isn't making pizza great, Ashley?
- Yes.

I love making my own food.
That's what Ashley...

...Olsen does. Yes!
I gotta write that down.

Alex, I need your help.

[snorting] OK, well,
that's gonna be hard.

There's no one named Alex here.
Just Bailey and Ashley Olsen.

She taught me to spit.

Well, I already
knew how to spit,

but she made me OK
with doing it in public.

Got it.
Part of the scheme.

Ashley, I've got a problem.
Over here.

OK, Alex,
I got exactly what I wanted...

- ...a date with London Tipton.
- Great!

- Not great. I lied to get her.
- Still great.

No... I got exactly what
I wanted and now it's terrible,

- because she's not so smart.
- What do you mean?

- Max thinks she's dumb.
- Whoa. You gotta dump her.

- I know.
- How are you gonna do it?

- I'm just gonna tell her.
- Can I watch?

- I'm not gonna cry.
- Ah.

- Where's the finish line?
- The hot tub!

- Watch out!
- [grunting]

Oh my gosh. Bailey?

[London] She's choking!

Dr. Fossil, help her.

- You're a doctor.
- I don't know how to save her.

What kind of a doctor doesn't
know how to save a person?

- Look, I was going to tell you...
- Tell me what?

That you're not
a very smart doctor?

[choking, coughing]

- Bailey!
- [coughing]

- [grunting]
- [food splashes in water]

- Bailey, are you all right?
- Yes, thank you.

You just saved her life.
What's your name again?

Ashley Simpson.

You said Olsen.

Yes, Ashley Simpson Olsen.

No, it's not.
It's Alex.

- Alex?
- Yeah, my sister, Alex Russo.

- She's not Alex Russo.
- Harper!

- Ha! That's Alex Russo.
- Harper!

Harper! I got an "A"
on the first quiz.

Wait a minute.
She just called you Harper.

She called you Ashley.
And you called her Alex?

OK, what is your name?!

[Max] I'm gonna
clear this up right now.

Her name is Alex Russo.
She's my sister. We... ah!

London, I need to explain
something to you.

OK. That girl, whatever
her real name is, saved Bailey.

And you, Dr. Fossil, did not.
That is all I need to know.

- You're a dumb doctor.
- [gasps]

And I can't date
someone who's dumb.

No matter how handsome
and smart you are.

You're breaking up with me?
For being dumb?

- Me?
- That's right.

All right.

- I am dumb.
- [London] Hm-hm.

Because I thought
that was gonna be hard,

- and you made it real easy.
- [scoffing] Yeah.

You're so dumb, I don't even
know what you're talking about.

- [clearing throat] I've just
gotta know something. - Hm?

Would you ever go
out with someone

that worked in a sandwich shop
and wrote stories and essays?

Including one that was good
enough to win him this cruise?

That sounds like Justin Russo.
[scoffing]

I should've gone out
with him instead of you.

[gasps]
I wonder where he is?

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