Original subtitles

Sorry, kids, don't be upset,

But I have to cancel wizard class today.

- Yay! - Yes!

Because you have so many chores to do.

[booing]

Seriously, you have a lot of chores to do.

Oh, good. Recycling is on the list.

Uh-uh-uh. And one of the best things about recycling is...

...You get to use it again.

[gasps] mother.

You told us to never take things out of the garbage.

Food. And I was talking to your dad.

These kids do not know how to eat a chicken leg.

There's another side.

Dad, you know I love chores because alex hates them.

But I can't do them today.

I wanted to surprise you, I'm gonna say it anyway,

But I've been working on my own spell

For wizard certification. I am.

Oh, please. Wizard certification?

That sounds like something people would make up

Who aren't very good at making things up.

My son, justin vincenzo pepe russo.

I've always wanted my own spell.

[laughs]

Pepe. I can't get enough of that.

It makes fun of itself. Pepe.

This is so exciting.

I want you to focus on the spell.

Alex and max will handle your chores.

I can't do all these. Harper and I

Are going to creature feature confidential tonight.

They project a scary movie on a side of a building.

Oh, cool. What movie?

That's what makes it confidential.

No one knows the movie or the location

Until you get the texts.

Well, that's hardly more important

Than justin creating an original spell.

Thank you, dad.

Oh, and alex, when you vacuum the rug,

Try to leave a vertical light/dark pattern.

Mom loves that.

I really do.

well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze

that the end will no doubt justify the means

you can fix any problem with the slightest of ease

yes, please

but you might find out it'll go to your head

when you write a report on a book you never read

with the snap of your fingers you can make your bed

that's what I said

everything is not what it seems

you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams

you might run into trouble if you go to extremes

because everything is not what it seems

everything is not what it seems

when you can have what you want by the simplest of means

be careful not to mess with the balance of things

because everything is not

what it seems

Wow. Justin, I'm proud of you.

Your new spell will make the russo name live on forever.

Thought you said the russo name would live on because all

- The grandchildren you'd have. - Yeah, that'd be nice.

A spell would be great though.

Ok, I think it's ready.

Stand back. [clears throat]

X, x, extra hand take a stand

- Give us a hand! - [thunderclap]

Lightning. It's alive!

It's alive!

Your new spell is a woman's hand?

I can't wait for the grandchildren.

[justin] dad, check it out.

You know how you need an extra hand around the house?

Ok, so you made an extra hand! What's it do?

It does all kinds of things.

Pretend you're a busy wizard who needs help with something.

All right. Uh...

I could use a back scratch, but because I'm so busy

Casting spells with these hands, I'm...

No, wait. I'm painting. I'm painting with both hands.

No, I know. I'm trapped in a box.

I've always wanted to do this.

Dad.

Hand, do your thing.

Ooh. Oh. Little down.

Left. Left.

Little down more. Down.

In... It's...

Over... [laughs] that tickles.

The other way. Oh, right there. Ah!

Wow!

That was awesome. Thank you, hand.

Plus, it will tie your shoes, iron your clothes,

Find your glasses, and it's cpr certified,

Especially since medical authorities agree

That you don't need to use mouth-to-mouth.

Awesome work, justin, especially on the cpr thing.

You know what? We should write to the superintendent of spells

- And get this certified. - Yes.

Hand!

[laughs] too slow.

Nice one.

Even the things I create do that to me.

Oh, no, I'm not falling for that.

Son.

You know who I think is really hot?

The guy who invented paper plates.

Look on the bright side, alex.

After this, all you've got to do is mop the floors,

Clean your room, wash the windows, scrub the restaurant,

And then you can go to the creature feature movie.

We're not going to the movie, are we?

Not unless you help me break some of these dishes.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Alex.

There's a hand on your dad's shoulder

And it's not connected to a body.

I'm not sure whether I should scream or laugh,

So I'm going to do both at the same time.

[screaming, laughing]

You know, dad, normally,

I'd say something to get out of work right now,

But that hand on your shoulder is kinda freaking me out.

This is justin's spell. It's called helping hand.

- Will it slap him? - No.

Well, then it's no help to me. [laughs]

I designed it to lend a helping hand to busy wizards.

I'm so proud of you, justin.

This spell is going to put the russo name on the wizard map.

I've got something that'll put our name on the wizard map.

Ok. How about a spell to make clear plastic

That's sticky on one side and it helps wizards

Put drawings on the refrigerator.

I'll call it russo's sticky strips.

You know, that sounds vaguely similar to something

That we have right here called tape.

Oh, man.

This is even better than mine.

It has a convenient, clear holder

And a serrated edge for clean cuts.

All right. I got to prepare for my presentation

For the superintendent of spells.

- Gotta iron the shirt. - No, no, son.

You're too busy for that.

Alex, add "iron justin's shirt" to your list.

Ok.

"burn justin's shirt."

Look, I'll help you and maybe

We can get the work done in time for the movie.

That sounds like a good idea if it wasn't for the "work" part.

If only we had a box

That contained a hand that liked to work.

I thought of that, but I was hoping

You wouldn't get there because, you know, it's just trouble.

[screaming, laughing]

Harper, don't you ever hold back another devious idea again.

You're good at it and you need to start owning it.

Wow, alex, I've never seen your room so clean.

I didn't even know you had a desk.

That's a desk?

All right, nice work, hand.

I couldn't have done it better myself.

Probably because you wouldn't have.

Yeah, you got that right.

[cell phone rings]

It's the creature feature text!

We are going to see night of the Halloween sorority party disaster 3.

Awesome. I heard it's so scary that they have

To have emergency medical technicians standing by.

Now all we need is the location text and we're good to go.

[creaks]

Whoa. What do you think you're doing?

You're not done. You've barely started.

So roll up your sleeves and give it some elbow grease.

Oh, wait. You don't have sleeves or elbows.

Nope, nope.

Stop it. You are not... Ow!

You're finishing the chores.

Alex, it's ok. She did a lot.

You and I might be able to finish the rest.

Don't make the freaky hand upset.

No. She's got to finish my chores

Or we don't get to go to the movie.

Then I don't think we're going. Look.

And I was going to get you a manicure when you were done!

You said you were gonna make her give you a manicure.

Shh.

[theresa] hey, maxy.

You're not making an antenna to talk to martians again, are you?

We're wizards.

Why does everyone think it's crazy that there's martians?

Oh, watch.

Dad, don't you just hate it when your back starts to itch

While you're brushing your teeth?

Huh? No.

How are your chores going?

Then let me introduce you to my brand new magical invention:

The russo tooth and back brush.

See, you can brush your teeth

And scratch your back at the same time.

Max, that's not a magical invention.

Dad, come on. You know when you scratch a good itch,

It's pretty magical.

Hey, is that my back scratcher

I keep between my mattress and box spring?

I need this for when your mom pretends to be asleep

And won't scratch my back.

Well, I would, honey, if you'd return the favor,

But you're all like... Done.

You know what, I'm gonna come up with something really good.

You'll see.

Ex, do you think we're really going to catch the hand this way?

Of course we are. It's a hand.

It's a total knucklehead.

[laughs] get it? It's not...

[cell phone rings]

It's the location text.

We're gonna see the movie on the flat iron building.

We've gotta finish cleaning this place up.

- We haven't caught the hand. - Or done the chores.

Why do you make it so hard to take the easy way out?

Alex, why do you make taking the easy way out so hard.

'cause I like the easy way out. Shh, there it is.

[clatters]

This thing is strong.

Let's just put it back in the box,

Finish cleaning, and go to the movie.

No way. Forget that.

This hand is gonna finish what it started.

You stop it.

Oh. Oh?

Oh, so you don't do windows? We'll see about that.

Ha. Who's cleaning now?

The hand, that's who.

Ha.

Alex, aren't you doing all the work?

No. I'm working hard to make sure the hand does all the work.

Duh!

Are you sure you're not doing all the work?

Harper, what are you not getting? Don't you see her?

[laughs]

[sighs]

That's everything on the list.

I think it's tired. Fine. I'm done with you.

Justin isn't. He needs the hand for his presentation.

It'll be okay. I'll just put it back in its box,

She'll get some rest and we can get to our movie.

[theresa] wow.

Alex, this place is spotless.

Did harper help you?

Why does everyone find it so hard to believe

That I did this all by myself?

You see, doesn't it feel good to do all your chores?

Have fun at your movie.

Alex, you better put that thing back in the box.

Where is it? It was right here on the counter.

Justin must have taken it back

Into the lair for his presentation.

Then how are you supposed to get it back in the box?

I have an idea.

[exhales] okay, justin, let's go through your presentation

One more time before the superintendent gets here.

You seem a little nervous.

Are you sure it's not you?

Oh, I am. You're right.

- I feel faint. - Ok, sit down.

Let's take a seat. Breathe. Breathe.

No, it's ok. I'm all right, son.

You, you go ahead.

[jerry] alex, are you done with your chores?

Uh, yeah, just one more thing I need to take care of.

Well, we're busy rehearsing. Get out.

Oh, let me hear it. Maybe I can give you a hand.

Ok, fine. [clears throat]

I created helping hand for wizards who like to multi-task.

So, with helping hand you can do a number of things

At the same time.

Alex, are you all right?

Yeah, my hand just fell asleep.

[whirring]

The superintendent's here.

All right. Well, good luck.

I'm off to the movie you said I could go to when I'm done

And I'm done, so I'm off to the movie.

Oh, alex. No.

Your brother could use an audience. You have to stay.

You can help with some " oohs" and "ahhs."

But the movie's about to start.

Alex, your brother needs you.

[whirring]

[coughs]

Ok, uh. "russo, justin."

- Yes. - You're next.

- Shall we? - Come on in.

Uh, superintendent spellman, may I offer you

A selection of meats from around the world?

Are you trying to bribe me with meat that's sweating more than you are?

[laughs]

Let's get started.

Ooh. Ahh.

Alex, you have to wait for the presentation.

Man, my dogs are tired.

I've got to air these puppies out.

I can't do this at the office or I have to fill out a form.

Ok, let's get to it.

- Uh, yes, let's get to it. - Right away, sir.

Who wants iced tea?

I'd love some iced tea.

Oh, great.

[chuckles]

Tastes like somebody washed their hands in this.

Oh.

I'm really thirsty.

Ok, here we go.

[exhales] I created the helping hand for wizards who like to multi-task.

Ooh.

[justin] so...

You're answering your wand phone with one hand,

While battling a dragon with the other.

Then suddenly your feet get tired.

No problem for the helping hand.

How about a foot rub?

[snoring]

Foot rub.

- [continues snoring] - no problem for helping hand.

I said, "no problem for the helping hand."

I haven't got a lot of time.

Either your spell works or it doesn't.

Oh, no, it works, I've seen it.

Wake up! Rub his feet.

Um. I know, why don't I just get it started here.

Ooh. Ahh.

Come on, you're supposed to be helping people.

[grunts]

A spell with an attitude?

I might be able to overlook it, if it actually worked.

[chuckles]

Ow!

This is not looking good for you guys.

Sorry.

Bad, bad.

Introducing the cooperative foot.

Really? Now?

I can't believe I'm about to say this but alex, do something.

If you ever feel like kicking something but you're too tired?

Jerry! What are you doing? He just wants your attention.

Oh, I'm sorry. Alex, zap him back.

In about a half an hour.

[grunting]

We have to leave for the movie right now.

We'll end up sitting in the bushes

Looking up from the bottom of the wall.

I know, I'm trying.

We need to wait for a little more chaos and we can sneak out.

[strains]

Uh, superintendent spellman, I am so sorry.

I had no idea that any of this would happen.

This morning, the hand was...

- ...So helpful. - Just give my son a minute.

I'm sure we'll be able to work this out.

Ok, I'm backing out. I'm backing out. And I'm out!

You can't leave justin like this.

He created the helping hand to help others,

But instead you used it to help you.

- Don't you feel responsible? - Don't you?

You're my best friend. You know I'm up to no good

All the time. You should be ashamed of yourself.

- Alex. - Harper.

Oh, I hate it when you're right.

Excuse me, don't go anywhere.

I just need a moment with the helping hand.

Alex, what are you doing? It's over.

Fixing something. The kind of thing you told me not to tell you

Because you don't want to get involved and then... I'll be right back.

Look, hand. My brother worked really hard on you.

Just because I don't enjoy hard work doesn't mean

I don't appreciate it when I see it.

Besides, you're mad at me.

Don't hate him because you hate me, we're nothing alike.

Believe me.

Please do this for justin.

And for me. Oh!

Ok, fine. Only for justin.

- And we are back on track. - Hand, do your thing.

Oh! Oh! Yeah, down.

Down, down. Oh! Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, ooh, ooh, right there.

Right there. Right there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, oh.

Mama.

Do you mind if I show this to the board?

They're always looking for a good back scratcher at the wizard gift shop.

Whoa. Oh, that was crazy.

I sold the foot, made a fortune, lost it,

Brought a hundred-year-old man from india back to life,

And got a new nickname.

Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed.

Wait, max.

Listen, you know I'm proud of you too, right?

Dad, I know. The man from india told me.

He also said that one day humans are gonna have gills again.

Can't wait!

Gills.

He makes it so hard to be proud.

You know, I never thought I'd say this but,

Night of the Halloween sorority party disaster 3 was better than one or two.

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