Original subtitles

Is he looking at me? Is he looking at me?

- No. Walk by again. - I can't.

That'll be my fifth time. He'll think I'm lost.

[sighs] how am I gonna figure out if he likes me?

Why is this so hard for you?

Because he knows I like him,

And I don't know how he feels about me.

I've never been in this position before.

That's why I play it cool around Justin. I don't want him to know I like him.

There he is! Hi, Justin I was wondering if you wanted to come over today

Because I rented three dvds and they're not due till Monday...

All right, I'll talk to you later about it! Bye!

Yeah, I can't play it cool like you, Harper.

Look, I'm just gonna go up to him,

Talk to him and see if he likes me.

- Hey, Dean! - What's up, russo?

Hey, Dean! We got the full story on that sweet ride!

- The one for the race at paramus! - Sounds great.

Joey's getting the story on this car we might run. Tell it, joey.

Yeah, tell it, joey.

So, they had to rebuild. It was completely greasy and... And...

- Car's not gonna be ready in time. - [boys groan]

Oh, bummer that stinks.

[Dean] and I'll bet they attached thettlebrock heads

And ordered a new mylodon panatonic coat.

We didn't want that car. It didn't have rack-and-pinion steering.

Yeah, 'cause steering is important.

Because without it all roads...

...Would have to be straight.

[boys chattering]

"all roads would have to be straight"? That went terrible.

What's a "rack and pinion" anyway?

Well, a "rack" is what you hang clothes on,

And "'pinion" is what you think of things.

Like, "my 'pinion of that dress, Harper, is that it's beautiful."

Oh, why, thank you.

Well, that sounds kind of right, Harper,

But I don't think they were talking about clothes.

Dean's always got his posse with him.

I need to get alone time with him, you know?

Aren't you afraid of being alone with him?

I hear he uses bar soap for his body and his hair.

No. That's the only way I'll figure out if he likes me.

Alone time is golden time.

That's what my mom always says to my dad

Before they take their separate vacations every summer.

Um, ok, here he comes. I'm gonna try it again. If I jack it up, just pull the fire alarm.

I will not pull the fire alarm! I'm a junior fire marshall.

Hey! Um, my family owns the waverly sub station,

Which is really convenient if you want a sandwich. You should come by sometime.

You got salads there? I likes my greens.

He does. He eats balanced.

- [fire alarm] - What...

I wasn't panicking. I was doing fine.

It wasn't me. This must be a real fire.

All right! Nice and orderly, people! Nice and orderly! Single file!

I'm a junior fire marshall! [screams]

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Max, why do you keep sending away

For that stuff from the back of the wizard weekly?

It's always a rip-off.

Justin, come on.

There's no way an invisibility poncho could be a rip off.

Watch. All I need to do is put this on,

And I am invisible.

Hey. You can't see me, can you?

I'm over here.

Now, I'm over here.

Now, I'm over here.

Can't see me, can you?

Um, only your poncho disappeared.

Oh, man. It's defective.

Of course it's defective. Dude, it's a rip-off.

Those things never deliver on what they promise.

Instead of spending time on that, you should be taking steps to improve yourself,

Like I am.

You got a job as an ice cream man?

Tennis racquet.

It's gonna be hard to scoop ice cream with that thing.

I'm taking tennis lessons.

I've decided that taking up a sport will look good on my college applications.

If you had a job as an ice cream man,

You wouldn't need to go to college.

Max, why don't you save yourself some time and heartache

And put your poncho package up on your "shelf of shame."

Ah, the amazing 3-d glasses.

Let's put these things on,

And take a look at what else you fell for.

Shall we?

Ah, the amazing transport stick.

I remember this one.

It'll take you anywhere you want to go,

As long as it's only 36 inches away.

This one's not a rip-off.

- Transport! - [Justin grunts]

Oh, yeah.

Now I remember what the defect was.

Anybody around it when I say "transport" gets knocked out.

You're right, Justin. These things are a rip-off.

Mind-reading kit! I'm so getting this!

Wow! Thank you, Harper,

For going through all that trouble to make a themed outfit for when I hang out with Dean,

But you're not a part of that, right?

This isn't for you and Dean.

This is for my first day of driver's education.

- It can't hurt to put your best foot forward. - [honks hat]

That's ok, mrs. Russo. You have the right of way.

Cars always yield to pedestrians.

Um, honey, listen, I found this great charity

Where you donate your used car and they give it to someone who needs it.

Great. I love charities, but we don't have a car to donate.

Uh, yeah we do. The piece of junk in the garage,

That makes us call our laundry room the garage.

And I suppose just because there's a treadmill with your stockings hanging on it,

It's a home gym, too.

Oh, my gosh. He's here. What do I do? What do I bring him?

- He likes salad. - Right. Ok.

- Alex, that's not a salad. - Oh. Right.

Good.

How am I going to talk to him and find out if he likes me now?

I'm gonna tell him I need to talk to him alone.

Whoa, you never tell a guy you want to talk to him alone.

You know what that sounds like? He's in trouble.

Or that a girl wants to talk about her feelings, which is also trouble.

Why would I ever listen to you two?

- Don't you want a guy's point of view? - Yeah, sure.

Why don't you nurses find one and send him over?

Ooh!

Five-point-four percent of nurses are men.

- It's a noble profession. - Yeah.

You know what else is a noble profession?

Continuing to speak to Alex like she's on a tenth grade level

When we know she can't comprehend most words.

- Ooh-hoo-hoo! - "comprehend" means understand.

- S-s-s-s. - Total burn.

And I would have treated that burn, if you hadn't talked smack about nurses.

Ok, look, Alex, if you wanna talk to a guy,

You gotta find an object of common interest.

For example, Dean's into cars and roaming the halls without a pass.

Nah-uh! He does have a pass. I make them for him.

Oh! Why don't you talk to him about that car

Mom and dad are always fighting about?

Dean's into cars, you got a car... Huh?

Here's your object of common interest. Take it.

I think I get it, Justin.

For example, you're into action figures.

I was going through my dad's stuff that we have to sell

And I found something I'm not sure we should keep or throw out.

- It might be an action figure. - Action figures, huh?

Yeah, it's like an old boat captain or something.

With a hook for a hand and a glass eye that's also a telescope?!

Yeah. How did you know?

Because that's a first edition captain jim bob sherwood!

Well, you can come over and look at it right after we have dinner.

You got it!

Wow, his advice really worked!

I think we have a date. You should listen to him more.

I should listen to a lot of people more. But what are you gonna do?

Hey, salad.

Just like my mama makes.

Thanks, russo.

So, uh, what's going on?

The guys are upset about not having a car to race at paramus,

So I thought I'd cheer 'em up with some nachos.

Oh, we don't serve nachos.

But, how about I melt some cheese

On some stale bread? Would that work?

Sure. Just like my mama makes.

Yes...

Like your mom really makes it like that...

[chatters unintelligible]

Oh, I'm laughing too long.

Awkward.

My dad has an old car that doesn't work.

It's in the garage. You can work on it and fix it and maybe enter it in the race.

Really? The race at the paramus fair is in a week.

Ooh, I love the fair!

I hear in the infield this year,

They're gonna break the record by making the world's biggest sloppy joe.

So, uh, when should we come by to check out the car?

Now. You should come alone because the garage is cramped

Only room for a couple people.

Ok. Guys, I'm working on the car by myself.

Daddy, you know that car momma says is junk but I love?

You love my car?

Oh, yes. Keep up with me here. Love it.

Ok. And you're going to love that I got somebody from school

To come over and fix it for free!

I do like free things.

So this is the mind reading kit you sent away for?

It looks like a toilet paper tube

With glitter and macaroni shells glued to it.

It was a kit. I followed the instructions.

Ok.

Now think something!

Thinking.

Think harder!

Don't think you need one of those to figure out what I'm thinking.

[Justin] you got ripped off again, dude.

- It works! - It works?

If you gotta stand that close to hear someone's thoughts,

The only thing you're gonna hear is, "why is this freak holding a macaroni tube to my head?"

So easy to criticize when you didn't spend hours with a hot glue gun.

It took you hours to make this stupid thing?

No, it took me a few minutes to make this thing.

It took me a few hours to get my hand unglued from my face.

- Transport! - [groans]

That's what you get for making fun of my stuff.

Can you hold it closer?

Uh, the answer to that is yes.

- Since you asked me something, I'd like to ask you something. - Sure. Anything.

Ok, well, there's a lot of ways I could go here. So...

How do you feel about me...

...In flip-flops? I'm thinking about going casual all summer.

Uh, well...

That's, uh, not a shoe that provides very much protection.

- I'd vote against it. - Yeah, totally. That's what I was thinking.

Look, I'm just gonna come out and ask you what I really want to ask you.

No, no, no, no. It's my turn. I wanna tell you something.

Oh, you want to tell me something? That's great.

'cause now would be the time to do it. No one's around.

Ok, uh...

Well, I've been, uh, having this feeling that, uh...

[clang]

Hey, I just came down to use the home gym.

There, that should dry nicely.

So, how's my baby doing?

- Daddy, I'm fine. - Oh. Wh... Well, you are my baby.

But, I was talking about my baby.

Ok, we're both fine.

Hey, if the man's giving me his car to race at paramus,

- He gets to see what I'm doing to it. - We're racing it at the fair?

They're making the world's biggest sloppy joe this year!

I love food that's bigger than it should be!

All this talk about sloppy joes is making you hungry.

You should have mom go make you one.

- What's going on? - I'm adjusting your air intake,

So your fuel will be more rich.

You should try doing that to the cash register upstairs.

Oh! Watch the pipe.

Guys! Guess what? We tried out for the tennis team,

And the coach told us to get in shape.

- Really? - For the cross country team.

We didn't make the tennis team.

Apparently, our headbands were a little too tight.

We got light-headed really fast.

Whoo!

Great story. Go tell everybody in the sub station?

Already told 'em. They said to come down here.

- [footsteps] - [Max] all right, Alex,

Who shoved a super-duper bouncy ball in my mind-reading tube?

Well, I don't know.

Who's the only person in this family who has a super bouncy ball?

Me, but then I lost it.

If anyone sees it, it looks just like this one.

Ok! Everybody fan out and help Max find his super bouncy ball.

I think I saw it. Come on, upstairs. Not here.

- [clang] - ay! Ah.

Yay! It's momma, coming down here to get you all out of here.

[engine starts]

That's a miracle.

Dean, my man! That's fantastic!

Come on, let's take it for a test drive!

Yes!

- Whoo! - Bucket seats!

[sarcastic] ok. Fine. Let's all take a family ride

In the new car.

Ok.

All right.

Oh, uh, honey, can you open the garage door, so we can get out of here?

You wanted to be alone, right?

[engine revs]

[Alex grunts]

Well, it's not like they ditched you, Alex.

You did get to ride in the car with Dean.

Yeah, on my mom's lap

With Justin and zeke signaling truckers to blow their horn.

Honk! Dork! Dork!

Not how I pictured it!

So, I'm sorry you didn't get to find out if he likes you.

Maybe it wouldn't even matter if I was alone with Dean.

Maybe he's the kind of guy who just doesn't tell people if he likes them.

Oh, man. Dean and I are having the best time fixing up that car.

You know what he told me?

He likes me.

It made my day.

I'm giddy for you, dad.

But, did he happen to mention anything about me?

Why would he do that?

This is so frustrating. I've tried everything. What am I gonna do now?

Yeah, too bad you can't read his mind.

Yeah... Too bad.

See, right there. If I knew how to read minds, I would know exactly what you meant

By the way you said, "yeah. Too bad."

[Justin] I can't believe I didn't make the cross country team.

Everybody makes the cross country team.

I mean, I know I threw up. But I kept running.

I'll tell my family I made the cross country team

And then I'll sand down the soles of my shoes to make it look real.

Oh, hey, Alex. Guess what?

I made the cross country team.

It works. You're a liar.

All right, what else might come in handy?

- Oh. "transport stick?" I wonder how it works. - No, no, no! Alex,

- Whatever you do, don't! Don't oh! - Oh. Transport!

[male announcer] lap five, race fans! The racers have begun lap five!

[both] honk it! Honk your horn! Honk it!

Would you two sit down? There's no honking in racing.

- Hey, there's Dean in my car! - [car honks]

Hey, he honked at me!

I gotta go. I figured out a place where I can get Dean alone and see if he likes me,

During a pit stop. No one can interrupt us there.

That's not going to work. His posse is his pit crew.

- They'll be all over him. - They'll be all over his car.

- It's the only time they won't focus on him. - I'll come with you.

Really? Is this, like, whole "me and Dean alone" thing just, like, lost on you?

Not anymore. I'll stay here.

- [horn honks] - [all cheer]

- [horn honking] - whoo!

Russo, how'd you get in here?

You can get in anywhere with a jumpsuit and a yardstick. I want to talk to Dean, alone.

A bean burrito and a side of hash browns. How 'bout you?

What? No! That's not what I said.

Russo. What're you doing down here?

Look Dean, I was trying to find

A quiet place so we could talk.

[tools making loud noises]

You know that I like you and that's why I've been acting kind of weird lately.

And not my amazingly charming and cool-without-trying self.

- You're good to go! Go! Go! - What? No, stay! Stay!

Sorry, russo. Got a race to win.

Transport!

Shoot! Didn't think this through.

Oh, he's looks so cute when he's sleeping.

- Ahh! - [tires screech]

Sorry, Dean. Transport!

Oh, no. The giant sloppy joe is full of ants.

Oh, wait. Those are people.

This is gonna be great!

[sighs] oh, man.

Dean, are you ok?

[Dean] I have to find joey a girlfriend.

Ok, that's what you're thinking about?

[screams]

What is Dean up to? He's scratching up my baby!

[all groaning]

Wow. That looks bad enough to ruin the car.

We'll never be able to take it home.

This will never work. The macaroni's falling off.

Ok, it's time to go old school on this.

- Dean, we need to talk. - What?

Russo! What are you going in here?

- Watch it! - [shrieks]

Brake, brake! Now punch the throttle!

- Not bad. - Dean, look. I like you, a lot.

Draft him. Draft him.

- Do you like me, or not? - Whoa. Yeah, yeah, I do.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Why do you think I told the guys they couldn't help? - Why?

Because, I wanted to be alone,

But then your family kept piling in. I'm trying to make a good impression.

I'm not going to tell them to leave.

My uncle raised me with manners.

You wanted to make a good impression?

Yeah, but I wasn't sure how far to go.

That's so sweet.

Dean, sorry, maybe you should take the wheel.

Yeah.

- We make a good team. - Yeah, we do.

I'm not talking about the driving.

Good, 'cause neither was I.

[both] sloppy joe!

[Alex giggles] this is so romantic.

Hey. What are you doing out here?

Oh, well, I just found out the boy I like likes me.

So, like all those sappy movies

I thought I should come out here to the terrace and stare at the stars.

But I gotta tell you, it's really boring.

So, I guess you and Dean are an item then?

I gotta say, I'm kinda sorry about that.

Since when do you care?

I'd always thought when you got a boyfriend

I'd be able to intimidate him if he gets out of line or something,

But I don't think I could do that with Dean.

He ripped the sleeves off of his winter coat.

Aw, don't worry about it.

If he gets out of line, I'll be slapping him silly with those winter coat sleeves.

Good one.

- I wish I would have thought of that. - Yeah.

So, what are you doing out here?

Hiding from dad.

He thinks I'm at cross country practice.

Well, let me help you with that.

- Oh! - There. Now you're all sweaty.

You wouldn't.

- Transport. - [Alex groans]

Thank you very much.

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