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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:06,800 That's the... C-Come here. That's the Baron. 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,800 - Come on, Barry. - Come on. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,640 We are so high. 4 00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:12,040 We're on drugblood. 5 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,710 Put the hat on. Oh, yeah... 6 00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:16,410 - Oh! Ugh, no. - Shit. 7 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,580 - I broke his half off. - His bodies' half off. 8 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,520 No, no, no, he's just coming through the floor. 9 00:00:21,550 --> 00:00:22,990 Guillermo? 10 00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:25,050 Help us! Don't just stand there. 11 00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:27,220 I don't think that's Guillermo. 12 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,920 - Guillermo? - No. 13 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,660 N- No, Nandor, that's the StairMaster. 14 00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:33,430 The master of the stairs. 15 00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:35,530 - We fucked up. This is bad. - Where's Guiller... 16 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,400 Guillermo! 17 00:00:37,430 --> 00:00:40,400 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God... 18 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,570 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 19 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,040 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 20 00:00:45,070 --> 00:00:47,580 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 21 00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,210 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 22 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,580 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 23 00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:57,720 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 24 00:00:57,750 --> 00:01:00,460 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 25 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:02,860 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 26 00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,960 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 27 00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:21,110 We are gathered here tonight in our backyard 28 00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:24,410 to commemorate the second death of the Baron. 29 00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,820 We are having a ceremony 30 00:01:26,850 --> 00:01:28,650 to commemorate the Baron's passing. 31 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,720 Problem is, though, 32 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:31,390 we don't remember how he died, 33 00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:32,620 because we were absolutely 34 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,820 messed up on drugblood. 35 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:37,930 And as a sign of respect, we have decided to bury you 36 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,930 betwixt my two favorite vaginas: 37 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:44,630 that of my wife and my mother. 38 00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:47,940 Baron, such a wonderful, filthy times 39 00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:49,310 we did have. 40 00:01:49,340 --> 00:01:50,970 What a way 41 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,680 to live your life after death, 42 00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:54,440 and what a way to die. 43 00:01:58,310 --> 00:01:59,680 Did we murder him? 44 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,520 We, um, we might have floated the idea 45 00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:04,420 of murdering him, but we didn't do it. 46 00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:05,650 Did we? 47 00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,890 Oh, I think something awful happened. 48 00:02:10,990 --> 00:02:12,860 Fuck. 49 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,000 Maybe we should keep this under our hats. 50 00:02:15,030 --> 00:02:16,970 If any vampires find out about this, 51 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,670 then it... 52 00:02:25,540 --> 00:02:27,340 Give the Baron his last sip. 53 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,710 Of course. 54 00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:34,150 So just get him in. 55 00:02:34,180 --> 00:02:35,520 - Yep. - Goodbye, Baron. 56 00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:38,520 Master, there's a raven looking at us. 57 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,360 It is a bad omen. It means that 58 00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:44,460 bad luck is approaching. 59 00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:45,460 Hey, gang. 60 00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,130 What's up? Oh! 61 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,130 Oh, my God. 62 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,170 Did-did you guys kill him? 63 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,316 No! No one murdered him. - No! What... He was just... - We found him in there. 64 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,670 I'm just giving you guff. 65 00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,640 And, uh, just so you know, I am feeding on you guys right now. 66 00:02:56,670 --> 00:02:58,410 You can be such a prick, Colin. 67 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,140 I have heard that. 68 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,680 Shit. The Baron's familiar. 69 00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:06,750 There's more ravens. They're giving me the shits. 70 00:03:06,780 --> 00:03:09,220 Guillermo, shield us from the ravens. 71 00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,090 The sky is filled with them. 72 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,566 - No, let's just go inside. - Let's go inside. 73 00:03:12,590 --> 00:03:15,020 Fill the hole. Keep filling. 74 00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:16,430 But the ravens... 75 00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:17,590 They're everywhere! 76 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:22,060 There are ravens all over the front lawn now, too. 77 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,900 They're trying to frighten us. But it won't work. 78 00:03:24,930 --> 00:03:26,500 Aah! What is going on? 79 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,500 Master. - Aah! - Ay yai yai. 80 00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:30,186 There's a floating woman on the front porch. 81 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,470 She needs to talk to you. 82 00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:39,350 You have been summoned... 83 00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:44,020 to appear before the Vampiric Council 84 00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:47,490 at the Temple of Blood-Devourers. 85 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,260 Could you not have just telephoned? 86 00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,560 We sent ravens. 87 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,200 We sent 500 ravens! 88 00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:57,200 Yes, but we have a telephone. 89 00:03:57,230 --> 00:04:00,370 I'm shocked and appalled that you didn't raven us back. 90 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,200 We didn't know how. 91 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,470 You just say, "Raven, we will be there. 92 00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,940 Thank you. Fly." 93 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,580 You've been invited. 94 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,320 Couldn't you just have telephoned? 95 00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:25,290 The Vampiric Council is a very ancient organization. 96 00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:27,960 Very powerful. And, apparently, 97 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,830 very scary. 98 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,400 They travel from all corners of the globe 99 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,500 to administer supreme and final justice 100 00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:37,640 upon any vampire 101 00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:39,780 who's violated the Vampiric Code. 102 00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:42,510 Laszlo was very nearly summoned when he turned a baby 103 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:45,250 into a vampire, which is a big no-no. 104 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,656 It's true. You're not supposed to do that. 105 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,520 But, to be honest, I was bored. 106 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,590 I gave it to an acquaintance in the Bronx, 107 00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:52,820 where, I believe, 108 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,490 it remains to this day. 109 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,190 That baby would be about 90 years old now. 110 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,630 You really fucked up there. 111 00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,200 I certainly did. 112 00:05:00,230 --> 00:05:01,460 Maybe we should visit it. 113 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,230 I'd rather not. 114 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,930 Here it is. 115 00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:08,670 Okay, so, obviously, we are all on edge. 116 00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:10,840 This could be about anything, 117 00:05:10,870 --> 00:05:14,440 so we must say nothing about you-know-what. - Obviously. 118 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,156 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 119 00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:18,180 It is that woman. 120 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,990 I think she wants us to come inside. 121 00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:24,650 Hello again. 122 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,220 Follow me. 123 00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:30,190 So glad you could make it. 124 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,270 Oh. 125 00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:41,070 Enter. 126 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,510 How did she do that? 127 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,340 Oh. 128 00:05:50,110 --> 00:05:51,980 And we're here. 129 00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:54,050 And follow me. 130 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,420 How does she do that? 131 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,090 The Tribunal have gathered in the Chamber of Judgment, 132 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,720 and there you'll be put on trial. 133 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,330 Why does this hallway never end? 134 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,360 Well, it's just a freaky-long hallway. 135 00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:17,840 I thought the Council was bigger than that. 136 00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:19,880 - Maybe we can battle them. - Shh! 137 00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:21,010 Enter. 138 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,850 Not the human. 139 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,780 Vampire-only trial, Guillermo. 140 00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,520 What will happen to me? 141 00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:32,050 Oh, you'll see. 142 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,860 Sorry, I have a... 143 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:37,560 little blood bubble in my throat. 144 00:06:38,830 --> 00:06:40,730 You'll see... 145 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,400 a room at the end of the hallway 146 00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:44,270 for the familiars. 147 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,370 Ludwig will take you to the familiar lounge. 148 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,540 Ludwig. Ludwig. 149 00:06:49,570 --> 00:06:51,040 Ludwig! 150 00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:52,580 I'll just do it. Follow me. 151 00:06:52,610 --> 00:06:53,910 Watch your step. 152 00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:56,110 I don't have to, I glide. 153 00:06:57,810 --> 00:07:00,450 Good evening, Your Excellencies. 154 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,820 This is Vasillika the Defiler. 155 00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:05,290 Hello. 156 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,290 And I am... 157 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,290 Garrett. 158 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,790 Garrett the... 159 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,290 The vampire. 160 00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:13,330 Simple. Nice. 161 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,230 Hi, Garrett the vampire. 162 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,970 Now, what happened with the Baron? 163 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,840 - He's dead. - Oh... 164 00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:22,640 - Sorry, everyone. - It w... We didn't make him dead. 165 00:07:22,670 --> 00:07:24,970 - No, it's true. - It was a misunderstanding. 166 00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:27,680 Um, as a joke, we said, "Why not kill the Baron?" 167 00:07:27,710 --> 00:07:29,440 And if you were there at the time, 168 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,856 you, too, would have laughed. Yes. 169 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,450 Now we realize that it was probably a stupid thing to say, 170 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,580 and we are truly sorry, 171 00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:37,420 and we're taking this very seriously. 172 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:38,790 And these are our serious faces. 173 00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:42,590 Serious, serious, serious. 174 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,730 Follow. 175 00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:48,330 What are you doing? 176 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,600 I'm warming my face. It's so cold in here. 177 00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:52,470 Well, it's an LED light. 178 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:55,270 - Oh. - There's no way we could have fire. 179 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,240 The fire marshals would have a fit. 180 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,950 I have to say 181 00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,380 we are deeply moved 182 00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:07,650 by your story, and-and maybe it's just me, 183 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,056 but I don't think you're guilty at all. 184 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,320 - Vasillika? - Mm, no, 185 00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:11,720 I don't think you sound guilty. 186 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:15,020 I- I think... they might let you go. 187 00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:17,030 Sorry, what do you mean by "they"? 188 00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,460 The Vampiric Council. 189 00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:21,300 You're not the Vampiric Council? 190 00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:23,070 Oh. 191 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,300 No. No, we're... 192 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:26,516 - we're prisoners here. - No, we have 193 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,146 - been imprisoned in this boring room - Oh... 194 00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:31,210 for... 1,000 years? 195 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,080 - Oh, it's really awful. - Since 1932. 196 00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:35,710 Mm. 197 00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:38,210 That's not 1,000 years. 198 00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,550 What-what year is it? 199 00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:42,280 It's 2019. 200 00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:46,050 We have been here for 90 years. 201 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,720 - Oh, shit. - What did you do? 202 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,890 Oh, me? Too much defiling. 203 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,060 They say I turned a baby into a vampire 204 00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:53,900 and left it in the Bronx. 205 00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:57,370 Who would do such a thing? If I ever find out who did it, 206 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,600 I will take a dagger and stab them 5,000 times 207 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,110 with this hand, switch hands, and stab them 208 00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:06,210 another 5,000 times! 209 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,040 I can fill up this book 210 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,450 with the ways I would torture that vampire. 211 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,020 Wouldn't want to be him. 212 00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:18,990 - That poor baby. - Poor, poor baby. 213 00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:24,460 The Vampiric Council will see you now. 214 00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,530 - Doesn't have to be right now. - I mean, right now... 215 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,600 Right now. I... They had a break, but they're ready now. - They... 216 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:45,750 Hey. Are you a familiar, too? 217 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,780 Yes. 218 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,580 Welcome. 219 00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:05,470 This is the chamber where you will be tried. 220 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,640 You could hang... 221 00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:11,110 Hang? - ...here, until the trial starts. 222 00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:12,780 I think we're ready. 223 00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,086 No... We are not ready. Yes. We are ready. 224 00:10:14,110 --> 00:10:15,286 - No, we're not... - What? What's going... 225 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,350 The spectacle of judgment begins. 226 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,820 What the hell is this? 227 00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,500 That's very elaborate. 228 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,000 Since this may be your last night 229 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,970 of existence, the Vampiric Council 230 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:47,340 likes to do something a little bit special. 231 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,950 They rehearsed it for decades. 232 00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,720 This is very odd. 233 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,550 What the blazes is this? 234 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,520 Dark greetings of the night 235 00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:30,520 to all the members 236 00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:33,860 of the Vampiric Council, from all the continents, 237 00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:37,530 gathered here together on... 238 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,560 - Staten Island. - On St... 239 00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:41,900 O- On Staten Island. 240 00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:45,730 Welcome, vampires from near and far, 241 00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:49,540 to this here grand Vampiric Council, 242 00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:53,040 to judge over these three accused. 243 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,410 Accused of what, you may ask. 244 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,750 - Murder... - Vampire murder. 245 00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,780 - Vampire murder. - Sor... vampire murder. 246 00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:05,390 So that's why we're here. 247 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,260 I'll now introduce the leaders of the council, 248 00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:10,560 starting here with Tilda. 249 00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:12,190 Pretty much our leader. 250 00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,470 She's the one who makes all the big decisions. - Hello. 251 00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:17,400 Welcome, Tilda. 252 00:12:17,430 --> 00:12:21,370 I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten 253 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,770 Scheden Heimburg. 254 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,610 This is Deacon Brucke. 255 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,080 - Hello. - Vladislav the Poker. 256 00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:29,780 We also have 257 00:12:29,810 --> 00:12:31,250 Evan, the Immortal 258 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,880 Princess of the Undead. 259 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,326 You don't have to say my whole name. You can just say Evan, 260 00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:36,950 - it's fine. - Or just Evan. 261 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,750 Who else do we have? Danny. 262 00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:41,090 Hey, Danny. With his shirt off, as usual. 263 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,060 Cool Mexican tattoos all over his chest. 264 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:47,100 - Dark greetings, everyone. - Welcome, Danny. 265 00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:50,570 - We also have Paul. - Dark greetings, everyone. Dark greetings. 266 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:54,100 Great to be here. 267 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,970 - Rob... Wh... Is Rob here? Is... - Couldn't make it. 268 00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,580 - We couldn't get Rob? - Uh, no, I-I talked to Rob, he didn't... 269 00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:03,180 didn't want to come. Want to... leave it behind. 270 00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:04,480 That's fine. No, he didn't want 271 00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:07,180 - to be here. Kiefer? - I don't see Kiefer. 272 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,426 Kiefer said that he wanted to do it, but he couldn't come. 273 00:13:09,450 --> 00:13:11,520 - He was busy? - Tom and Brad... 274 00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:12,960 - Tom, not... No. - Not interested. 275 00:13:12,990 --> 00:13:15,290 - Tom and Bra... Well... - Not into it. 276 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,790 They're not committed like us. 277 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,830 It's just an availability thing. 278 00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:21,800 - Well, who is here? - Calling in via Skype, 279 00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:25,030 we have Wesley over there, the day-walker. 280 00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,446 Wesley! Hey, Wesley. Is this working? 281 00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,640 - Look at him then... - Oh, God, not this fucking guy. 282 00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:30,970 He is a vampire killer! 283 00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,340 Hey, he is half vampire. 284 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,480 His opinion still counts. 285 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:38,680 Yeah, well, I'm only listening to half his opinion. 286 00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:40,720 Look at him in the sunlight. Showing off. 287 00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,820 - Can you hear me? - Wesley, can you hear us? 288 00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:44,196 - Hey, can you hear me? - There's a lag. 289 00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,890 The Skype seems glitchy. 290 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,120 - Hello? - Push the mute button. It looks like 291 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,360 a little microphone, it's got a-got a ring around it. 292 00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:52,536 - I'm pushing it. - Can you hear us now? 293 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,230 I can hear you. Dark greetings. 294 00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:56,870 Okay. Great. 295 00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,800 Moving on. As is vampire law, 296 00:13:58,830 --> 00:14:00,840 we also have a local vampire here 297 00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:04,010 on the council this evening, Colin Robinson. 298 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,410 Hello. 299 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,010 What the fuck are you doing here? 300 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,710 Okay, now... 301 00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:10,810 So why are we gathered on "Statee" Island? 302 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,020 Because one of our brothers has passed from this world. 303 00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:17,550 Baron Afanas, also known as The Undying One. 304 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,820 Well, he died. That's why we're here. 305 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,020 Call the witness. 306 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,030 First witness. 307 00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,830 - Oh, good grief. - Oh, shit. 308 00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,930 Where the hell did she come from? 309 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,930 This is Baron Afanas' familiar. 310 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,840 Witness number one, speak. 311 00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:36,840 It's okay. She doesn't speak. 312 00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:40,840 On the eve of the death of my master... 313 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,040 Well, she's speaking now. 314 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,510 These three vampires 315 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,620 - took Baron Afanas... - She's speaking. 316 00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:51,920 And they let him partake of human food. 317 00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:56,930 We cannot eat human food. It's gross. 318 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,290 The fuck is wrong with you guys? 319 00:14:58,330 --> 00:14:59,560 Earlier, 320 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:03,230 I overheard them plotting to murder him. 321 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,770 She speaks the bullshit. 322 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,100 We simply floated the idea. 323 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,910 You floated the idea of murdering him? 324 00:15:10,940 --> 00:15:14,040 - Yes. - Not floated, you plotted. 325 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,710 Floating and plotting are very similar. Wait, 326 00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:19,650 - The Baron is dead? - Oh, my God, Wesley, 327 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,426 - we're past that now. - Wesley, catch up, we're past that. 328 00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:23,820 - Remove the witness. Yeah. - Thanks a lot. 329 00:15:23,850 --> 00:15:26,390 Bye, bitch. Human food? Like-like-like 330 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,560 hamburger or some-something like that? Wesley. 331 00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:30,166 We're over the human food thing. Shut up. 332 00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:31,890 We're not talking about that, Wesley. 333 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,330 You need better Wi-Fi. 334 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,960 Move the computer next to your router, homes. 335 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,800 Hey, hey, hey. It's not my Wi-Fi. 336 00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:40,170 I got the best Wi-Fi. Okay? 337 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,840 I heard about one familiar who was made into a vampire, 338 00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:46,610 and now he has a big castle and he is really successful... 339 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:50,150 My master says I'm gonna be a vampire in a few days. 340 00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,580 It's only been seven decades. 341 00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,980 So, have any of you 342 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,720 met a familiar who's become a vampire? 343 00:16:00,820 --> 00:16:01,920 Not personally, 344 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,360 never met one. 345 00:16:04,390 --> 00:16:08,700 Well, I'll be a vampire soon, and then you'll know a vampire. 346 00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:11,030 And then you can become my familiar. 347 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,670 Did anyone really like The Baron, anyway? 348 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:16,346 Well, I... no, I didn't like him. He was creepy. - I mean, I didn't... 349 00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:19,970 He was loco. - I thought he was pretty rude and a backstabber. 350 00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:22,040 - He was a bit of an asshole. - Loco. 351 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,510 He was a psychotic madman. 352 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,856 Aren't we all, though? A little bit? 353 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,050 He was a whackjob, 354 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,680 he was crazy, but rules are rules. 355 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,720 - Now what? - Bring in the other witness. 356 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:32,826 Now let us call the next witness. What other witness? 357 00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:35,490 Another witness. Witness number whatever-it-is. 358 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,230 - Oh, my life. - Guillermo. 359 00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:38,690 Who's this delicious-looking thing? 360 00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,660 What is this? Is this-is this lunch? 361 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:41,906 - Yes, it's lunch. - No, it's not lunch. 362 00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:43,070 It's lunch. 363 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,830 This is one of their familiars, council. 364 00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:46,970 He bears witness. 365 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,170 Did these vampires three 366 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,740 murder The Baron? 367 00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:53,040 No, they did not. 368 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,240 Did they "float" it? 369 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,980 They discussed it, but they-they were just talking. 370 00:16:58,010 --> 00:16:59,650 They weren't going to really do it. 371 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,520 So who murdered The Baron? 372 00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:04,290 Um... 373 00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:11,290 They... It was I. I-I killed him. 374 00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:14,500 - You did it? - Yes. 375 00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:17,230 It was I. I did it. 376 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,370 Okay. Unlikely. 377 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,270 Don't take offense, but you don't seem like someone 378 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,510 who would be capable of killing a vampire. 379 00:17:24,540 --> 00:17:26,240 - But I did it. - Uh, hard to believe. 380 00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:28,056 - Well, I did. - From maybe a tougher-looking guy, 381 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,080 - I'd believe it, but... - I think you're lying 382 00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,686 - to protect your master. - Of course he is. 383 00:17:32,710 --> 00:17:34,720 This little guy couldn't kill a vampire. 384 00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:36,926 No, it was, it was me. I opened the door and it was dawn 385 00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:38,350 and then the sun came in and... 386 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,290 and then it happened. 387 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,690 That sounds very made-up. 388 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,030 I mean, I don't know, guys. 389 00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,930 None of us really liked The Baron, 390 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,360 so maybe we just kill this cute little guy 391 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,400 and then let the other three go. 392 00:17:50,430 --> 00:17:51,570 Send his soul to hell. 393 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,370 Does anyone else feel like having 394 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,470 - a cheeky little snack? - Sneaky snack? 395 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,470 What do you think, Wesley? 396 00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,480 Who is this motherfucker now? This glasses motherfucker? 397 00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:02,740 It's lunch, Wesley. 398 00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,210 Lunch. - Oh, yeah. - No! 399 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,750 I cannot abide by this. 400 00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:08,950 - Oh. - Get to the point. 401 00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:12,550 - Have you got a point to make? - Listen to me. 402 00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:14,890 - We're all listening. - You got... Everyone's listening. 403 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,336 Everyone's like... - Everyone has stopped what they were doing, 404 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,836 we were all about to chomp down on this guy, 405 00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:20,430 and then you said, "Oh, I'm gonna say something." 406 00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:22,430 - Speak. - It was we... 407 00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,900 No. Who killed The Baron. 408 00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:26,500 We thought that! That's what we thought. 409 00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:28,770 - We-we... - We were all discussing that. 410 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,840 You have committed 411 00:18:29,870 --> 00:18:33,070 premeditated vampicide. 412 00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:35,010 Pass the judgment, Tilda. 413 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,910 I pronounce these three 414 00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:38,750 guilty. 415 00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:41,150 Raise your fangs, all who agree. 416 00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:49,990 The punishment is 417 00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,130 they will be killed in the same manner 418 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,530 that their victim was: 419 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,100 exposed to sunlight. 420 00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:58,670 - Ooh! - Ow, Chihuahuas. 421 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,500 Man, that's fucking rough. 422 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,940 You gonna help us, Colin Robinson? 423 00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,540 Fuck can I do? 424 00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,780 Follow me to your doom. 425 00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:09,180 Don't worry. 426 00:19:09,210 --> 00:19:12,550 I've coordinated a secret escape plan. 427 00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:15,350 Bat! 428 00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:17,190 - Laszlo, you fucking asshole! - How could... 429 00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,220 - How could... - Ludwig, get him. 430 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:22,260 Dan, get her. 431 00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:26,960 Watch the hands, Mr. Hands! 432 00:19:26,990 --> 00:19:29,630 Fucking hell! 433 00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:33,070 Release my blade. 434 00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,040 - Ooh. - Is it welded on there, or...? 435 00:19:35,070 --> 00:19:37,000 Well, it's for decoration, really. 436 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,140 - Thank you, Ludwig, very good. - Fuck me. 437 00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:41,980 What is that? Uh... Hey! 438 00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:44,180 He's a vampire, he couldn't get an ax off a wall. 439 00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:45,750 Well, you should see it. 440 00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:47,980 It's, like, welded on there or something. 441 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,850 We have to find a way out of here. 442 00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,490 This is the thing where we wa... Okay, 443 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,690 I broke this, turned right, and then we turned left to the... 444 00:19:58,630 --> 00:19:59,760 Stay back! 445 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,430 Oh... 446 00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:06,730 It was an accident. 447 00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:09,000 It was an accident. It was an accident. 448 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,470 It was an accident! 449 00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:16,440 So, they're being sent into a well, and, uh, 450 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,680 the sun's going to slowly come up, 451 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:21,096 - and then they'll burn to death. - It's a very horrible way to die. 452 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,750 - Very dramatic way to die. - Yes. 453 00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,290 ♪ 454 00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:40,600 That's so macabre. 455 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,440 They could have at least cleared them up 456 00:20:42,470 --> 00:20:44,910 before putting us in here. 457 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,580 I wish I had made more of my leadership skills. 458 00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:57,590 I could have ruled many more countries 459 00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:01,290 instead of dying in a well with two perverts. 460 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,560 I was Jack the Ripper. 461 00:21:03,590 --> 00:21:05,990 I've never told anyone that before. 462 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,830 And I wish I'd made love more. 463 00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:10,260 Well, you did that a lot. A lot. 464 00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,930 - I suppose I did. - Yeah, a-a lot. 465 00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:15,400 I miss my horse John. 466 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,140 I wish I was better to him. And to you both. 467 00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,140 That's very kind of you, Nandor, to say that, and, um, 468 00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:25,980 I know we haven't got on over the years, but, uh... 469 00:21:26,010 --> 00:21:28,950 Nope, that's it. 470 00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:31,490 I hate to say it, but I think it's gonna hurt. 471 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,360 - Oh, no! - Fucking Colin Robinson. 472 00:21:34,390 --> 00:21:37,090 - Oh, shit. - No! No! 473 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,960 - Save me! Oh, Gregor, I love you! - No! No! 474 00:21:39,990 --> 00:21:42,430 Gregor! 475 00:21:42,460 --> 00:21:44,830 - Oh, my love, my love... - I'm burning! 476 00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:50,970 - I-It is an eclipse. - What is that? 477 00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,110 Hey, dudes. It's me, Colin Robinson, your roommate. 478 00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:55,540 Colin Robinson? Yeah, 479 00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:57,656 Guillermo's here, too. He was running around, peeing himself. 480 00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,280 I didn't pee myself, Master. 481 00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:01,120 - He was freaked out. - No, I wasn't. 482 00:22:01,150 --> 00:22:03,790 So, anyway, I, uh, I was walking by this hardware store 483 00:22:03,820 --> 00:22:05,566 and I says to myself, "Colin, you should go in 484 00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:08,890 and, uh, see if they have any umbrellas for the well." 485 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,730 Made sure to keep the receipt, I'm gonna probably take it back. 486 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,400 You can do that on non-food items. 487 00:22:13,430 --> 00:22:16,030 - Is he zapping our energy? - He's taking advantage of us. 488 00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:18,170 - Don't do that. - Shut up. 489 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,000 Do you not want me to stay? I can... I'll go. 490 00:22:20,030 --> 00:22:22,400 - No, no, no, no, no! No! - No, don't do that! No! 491 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,240 Just giving you guys guff. 492 00:22:24,270 --> 00:22:26,010 Yeah, I'm gonna save you. 493 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,380 You guys awake? 494 00:22:28,410 --> 00:22:31,810 Hello? 495 00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,080 Oh, no, a roller coaster for vampires. 496 00:22:36,220 --> 00:22:39,650 - Oh, no, oh, no! Roller coaster again. - Stop it, Colin Robinson. 497 00:22:39,690 --> 00:22:42,160 And sorry about the camera crew at the bottom of the well. 498 00:22:42,190 --> 00:22:44,530 You're gonna want to get them out sooner than later. 499 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,290 They're in-they're in grave danger. 500 00:22:48,230 --> 00:22:51,030 - You had a heck of a day, too, huh? - Yeah. 501 00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:54,100 - How long have you been with us? - Ten years. 502 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,540 I guess that's the whole deal, right? 503 00:22:56,570 --> 00:22:58,170 That, you know, you work for him, 504 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,810 and he eventually turns you into a, uh, a vampire? 505 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,450 Yeah. 506 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,450 That's the deal. 507 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,080 ♪ Can't trust his kind today ♪ 508 00:23:13,250 --> 00:23:17,220 ♪ Love has died and death is here to stay... ♪ 509 00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:24,270 ♪ Guess our plan can fade away ♪ 510 00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:28,270 ♪ On a cloud so far away ♪ 511 00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:32,240 ♪ Time will come when death will pave the way ♪ 512 00:23:34,310 --> 00:23:39,310 ♪ Time will come when death will pave the way ♪ 513 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,290 ♪ Time will come when death will pave the way ♪ 514 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,260 ♪ Time will come when death will pave the way ♪ 515 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,170 ♪ Time will come when death will pave the way. ♪ 516 00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,170 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 37319

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