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1
00:00:00,832 --> 00:00:02,831
Valco. Serves you right.
2
00:00:02,832 --> 00:00:04,958
I'm quite nervous.
You won't beat our prices.
3
00:00:05,290 --> 00:00:06,393
Can she stop that now?
4
00:00:06,567 --> 00:00:08,486
Fish and ticks.
5
00:00:08,487 --> 00:00:09,786
Red-hot deals.
6
00:00:09,787 --> 00:00:11,907
We've got offers on everything from
booze to biscuits.
7
00:00:12,027 --> 00:00:13,626
Loads of two-for-ones.
8
00:00:13,627 --> 00:00:15,706
Boom.
9
00:00:15,707 --> 00:00:17,446
Fresh produce. Delivered daily.
10
00:00:17,447 --> 00:00:18,586
Am I getting paid for this?
11
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:19,526
Don't forget the Valco tick.
12
00:00:19,527 --> 00:00:20,967
Oh, Valco tick. That way.
13
00:00:21,127 --> 00:00:22,727
Serves you right.
14
00:00:22,907 --> 00:00:24,326
Valco, serves you right.
15
00:00:24,327 --> 00:00:27,047
Valco, serves you right.
16
00:00:30,255 --> 00:00:31,435
Poundstretcher?
17
00:00:31,526 --> 00:00:34,886
I can't imagine Gavin
working at Poundstretcher,
18
00:00:34,930 --> 00:00:37,230
not after he's been a Valco manager.
19
00:00:37,301 --> 00:00:38,640
He wasn't working.
20
00:00:38,641 --> 00:00:42,480
Apparently he was sitting outside it
playing UB40 hits on a harmonica.
21
00:00:42,481 --> 00:00:45,060
Morning, troops.
Oh, great. More people.
22
00:00:45,061 --> 00:00:47,301
So, Dave, big day for you today.
23
00:00:47,441 --> 00:00:50,501
You should be in the canteen at 10.00
and I'll collect the test at 11.00.
24
00:00:50,661 --> 00:00:52,081
Isn't Gavin supposed to mark it?
25
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,640
Yes, well, as acting manager,
I'll be doing that.
26
00:00:54,641 --> 00:00:58,820
So have you got Gavin's job cos
Richard France prefers you? No!
27
00:00:58,821 --> 00:01:03,941
Oh, Julie, isn't it just a tragedy?
Our Gavin, busking for his keep.
28
00:01:04,081 --> 00:01:07,141
Gavin's on holiday, Margaret,
he's not busking.
29
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,220
Although if he was busking,
30
00:01:09,221 --> 00:01:11,920
he'd earn a fortune with that
beautiful tenor voice.
31
00:01:11,921 --> 00:01:13,540
Until you take his busking job.
32
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:17,380
I haven't taken anything. Anyway,
what are you even doing here, Lisa?
33
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,781
Get back on the till.
34
00:01:25,061 --> 00:01:27,440
Hey, Leighton, look at that.
Wow, impressive.
35
00:01:27,441 --> 00:01:28,481
Yeah, check that out.
36
00:01:28,541 --> 00:01:31,120
Hey, you're pretty good at that.
Get back to work!
37
00:01:31,121 --> 00:01:33,181
Oh, shit. Court appearance?
38
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:34,501
What?
39
00:01:34,581 --> 00:01:35,940
Look at your suit.
40
00:01:35,941 --> 00:01:38,640
Oh, no, Katie,
are you getting taken into care?
41
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,260
I'm 22, Leighton.
42
00:01:40,261 --> 00:01:44,240
No, I've just got to do this
"temporary deputy manager", whatever,
43
00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:45,860
bollocks while Gavin's away.
44
00:01:45,861 --> 00:01:49,700
So you're like our boss now? Well...
Oh, congratulations!
45
00:01:49,701 --> 00:01:51,381
Well, well, well, well,
well, well.
46
00:01:51,621 --> 00:01:54,321
I always knew it was just a matter
of time before you turned scab.
47
00:01:55,461 --> 00:01:56,900
I'm not a scab.
I'm still the same person.
48
00:01:56,901 --> 00:01:59,460
Yeah? Then you won't mind if
I do this then, will you?
49
00:01:59,461 --> 00:02:01,201
Nah, doesn't bother me.
Does it not?
50
00:02:01,381 --> 00:02:03,941
Well, it should bother you, Katie,
you're management now.
51
00:02:04,021 --> 00:02:05,201
Yeah! Scab.
52
00:02:05,361 --> 00:02:07,141
And I don't know what you think
you're playing at,
53
00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:10,321
but that'll come out of your pay.
Now clean it up.
54
00:02:13,861 --> 00:02:17,861
I suppose I see Valco Warrington
as a sort of ship...
55
00:02:17,941 --> 00:02:19,621
Loveit.co.uk!
56
00:02:19,781 --> 00:02:23,300
..where the staff is the crew...
And you're the captain. Brilliant.
57
00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:26,981
Oh, no, Gavin's the captain,
I'm just the first mate,
58
00:02:27,141 --> 00:02:30,241
which is why the crew don't respect
me like they did him.
59
00:02:30,481 --> 00:02:32,740
They probably know I'll just sail
us into an iceberg.
60
00:02:32,741 --> 00:02:37,381
No, Gavin is the iceberg.
Because he's in your way.
61
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:38,820
Do you see?
62
00:02:38,821 --> 00:02:41,841
Oh, God, you're right. I'm
just about to sail us into Gavin!
63
00:02:42,021 --> 00:02:44,401
No, no, no, you
won't because you've got me,
64
00:02:44,481 --> 00:02:46,181
your favourable wind conditions.
65
00:02:46,321 --> 00:02:49,360
And, as of this morning, you've got
Katie, your new first mate.
66
00:02:49,361 --> 00:02:53,061
But is Katie ready? How much does
she know about the sea?
67
00:02:53,221 --> 00:02:56,100
Oh, she can... navigate the tides.
68
00:02:56,101 --> 00:02:57,040
How?
69
00:02:57,041 --> 00:02:59,141
Right, enough of the sea thing -
it's shit.
70
00:02:59,281 --> 00:03:03,461
But, I mean, Katie as interim deputy
manager, it's a big responsibility.
71
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:06,660
You can't just put on a suit
and wander about.
72
00:03:06,661 --> 00:03:09,521
That's only one tiny bit
of what it takes.
73
00:03:11,141 --> 00:03:14,980
Look, you and I are exploding
the retail world.
74
00:03:14,981 --> 00:03:18,961
We're the ones with the HD vision,
the magic.
75
00:03:22,741 --> 00:03:23,941
Are you all right, Anna?
76
00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:28,721
I'm OK but my Gavin,
he is destroyed.
77
00:03:28,801 --> 00:03:33,221
That Julie Cook has stabbed him
in the back with her knife of lies.
78
00:03:33,301 --> 00:03:36,081
Oh, yes, the old knife of lies.
79
00:03:36,201 --> 00:03:41,041
Yeah, I had a bit of that when my
best friend ran away with my wife.
80
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,620
Although, to be fair,
it was less a run-away,
81
00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:45,521
more a series of relaxing
mini-breaks.
82
00:03:45,701 --> 00:03:49,221
People like them and Julie Cook
should be shot in the face.
83
00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:53,060
Oh. Yes. Abso-absodoodley-do.
84
00:03:53,061 --> 00:03:55,920
But d'you know,
life has a funny way of working out.
85
00:03:55,921 --> 00:03:58,161
I've got my daughter, Sophie,
living with me now -
86
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,420
we're happy as two
peas in a studio bedsit.
87
00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:02,481
Yes, it's nice,
to have family around.
88
00:04:02,641 --> 00:04:05,520
Well, I say two peas...
With her boyfriend,
89
00:04:05,521 --> 00:04:08,260
MC Poison, and his crew,
we're a rather cramped nine.
90
00:04:08,261 --> 00:04:11,621
D'you know, it's a bit like living
in the toilet of a nightclub?
91
00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:13,680
Oh, Neville.
92
00:04:13,681 --> 00:04:17,521
What qualities does
a deputy manager need?
93
00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:20,881
Butter fingers!
You dropped the ball, Katie.
94
00:04:22,101 --> 00:04:23,921
How about initiative?
95
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,381
What else?
96
00:04:29,461 --> 00:04:30,821
Are you all right, Julie?
97
00:04:30,981 --> 00:04:35,761
Fun. A deputy manager needs
to have a sense of fun. Why?
98
00:04:35,781 --> 00:04:39,280
Why? Because that's what working
in a supermarket is all about it,
99
00:04:39,281 --> 00:04:40,721
isn't it? Is it?
100
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:44,080
OK, Katie. Let me
hear you say...
101
00:04:44,081 --> 00:04:45,541
"Yay!"
102
00:04:46,821 --> 00:04:48,081
Yay.
103
00:04:48,261 --> 00:04:51,281
Let me hear you say, "Yo!"
Seriously?
104
00:04:52,401 --> 00:04:53,681
Yo.
105
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,621
Katie's in da house!
106
00:04:57,061 --> 00:05:00,261
Now I want you to throw all that
enthusiasm into
107
00:05:00,421 --> 00:05:03,301
the staff rota spreadsheets.
Go, homegirl!
108
00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:08,421
Excuse me, where's the pasta?
It used to be there.
109
00:05:08,561 --> 00:05:11,761
Oh, I'm not sure.
Everything's moved.
110
00:05:11,941 --> 00:05:15,261
See, back when Valco was Valco
normal, I used to be able to find
111
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:17,301
anything in the store in 45 seconds.
112
00:05:17,341 --> 00:05:19,261
Or 40 seconds
if I had my wheelie-shoes on.
113
00:05:19,341 --> 00:05:21,221
But then one of the wheels broke.
114
00:05:22,661 --> 00:05:27,121
I'm thinking we should try the aisle
formerly known as five. Five.
115
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:41,701
Oh, my God!
116
00:05:46,581 --> 00:05:48,101
Here you go!
117
00:05:48,241 --> 00:05:50,321
Why are there no aisle
numbers anywhere?
118
00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:53,061
Oh, they took them away.
I think, I think they were bad.
119
00:05:53,161 --> 00:05:54,961
The numbers were bad?
120
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:58,181
Yes. No numbers is better... than
numbers. It's Valco Better.
121
00:05:58,321 --> 00:05:59,521
It's Valco Bonkers.
122
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:03,300
Valco Bonkers! Hey, can I use that?
123
00:06:03,301 --> 00:06:05,860
I'm collecting jokes for a speech.
I'm a wedding planner.
124
00:06:05,861 --> 00:06:07,600
Oi, Leighton, you knob-end.
125
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:10,181
That's the bride. Bye.
126
00:06:12,261 --> 00:06:15,621
My sister says we can get people to
give us wedding gifts -
127
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:17,540
you know, plates and shit.
128
00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:19,440
We'll give you a list. OK.
129
00:06:19,441 --> 00:06:21,701
I can tell you straight off I'll
definitely want
130
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,921
a 46-inch 3D plasma with Blu-ray.
131
00:06:24,081 --> 00:06:26,340
That's what, that's a...
A television.
132
00:06:26,341 --> 00:06:28,241
I was going to say television,
I was,
133
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,961
but then I thought, could be a bird.
134
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,421
Shitting hell.
135
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,360
Urgh! What is that smell?
136
00:06:37,361 --> 00:06:42,021
It's the smell of some smokin'
offers at Valco Better today, Sue!
137
00:06:42,181 --> 00:06:43,281
Little tip.
138
00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:46,020
I think you're overplaying it
with the "Urrrrgh".
139
00:06:46,021 --> 00:06:47,780
The Valco offers need to have a
good smell.
140
00:06:47,781 --> 00:06:50,000
You sound like you're smelling
something awful.
141
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:53,680
I am. I'm standing next to you.
Oh, hello, Katie.
142
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,141
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
143
00:06:55,301 --> 00:06:57,841
I have got to show you something
but you can't tell anyone.
144
00:06:57,921 --> 00:06:59,780
- Promise?
- Yeah.
145
00:06:59,781 --> 00:07:03,301
Julie has written an erotic novel
set in a supermarket!
146
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,741
No! Really?!
147
00:07:06,181 --> 00:07:09,220
"As Gareth brought the celery
down with a sharp thwack
148
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:12,560
"on her bare behind, Jenny realised
that the two-for-one deal was
149
00:07:12,561 --> 00:07:14,981
"a whole lot more than she'd
bargained for."
150
00:07:15,141 --> 00:07:19,140
Oh, my God! Julie wrote a porno?!
It's like Fifty Shades Of Valco!
151
00:07:19,141 --> 00:07:21,520
Hey, I didn't say
I didn't want to read it.
152
00:07:21,521 --> 00:07:22,801
I might be in it.
153
00:07:22,981 --> 00:07:26,961
Really? What as? Grumpy, lactating
woman on the Tannoy?
154
00:07:32,561 --> 00:07:37,221
Sophie! What a lovely surprise.
Anna, this is my daughter, Sophie.
155
00:07:37,361 --> 00:07:41,221
Well, I say "daughter", we're more
just pals really, aren't we? No.
156
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:44,720
For a family to spend
time together is very special.
157
00:07:44,721 --> 00:07:46,480
Special needs, more like.
158
00:07:46,481 --> 00:07:48,900
Oh, er, you do have Wi-Fi here,
don't you?
159
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:50,341
Cos yours has packed up again.
160
00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:53,060
And it's just not good enough,
Neville.
161
00:07:53,061 --> 00:07:55,121
Ah. Yes, I'm sorry about that.
162
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,741
I think your hair straighteners may
have drained the electricity meter.
163
00:07:58,781 --> 00:08:00,421
Did you try putting some money in?
164
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:04,220
Piss off, Neville, it's your meter!
No, fair point.
165
00:08:04,221 --> 00:08:07,461
I shall feed the old guzzler when
I get home this evening.
166
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,840
Can I just say again how very
chuffed I am...
167
00:08:09,841 --> 00:08:11,920
Can you shut up, Neville?
I'm trying to read a text.
168
00:08:11,921 --> 00:08:14,321
Oh, course, apols. Carry on.
169
00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:17,060
Get stuffed, Sue!
170
00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:20,400
With our two-for-one
deal on selected fresh veg?
171
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:22,501
We don't have a two-for-one on veg.
172
00:08:22,661 --> 00:08:26,021
Oh, right, sorry. Must've been
a... slip of the tongue
173
00:08:26,101 --> 00:08:28,421
What are you doing with that celery?
174
00:08:28,581 --> 00:08:30,340
Um... it's looking a bit bruised.
175
00:08:30,341 --> 00:08:33,061
Oh, all right, I see what's going on.
176
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:36,261
Gavin's away, which means
I now have a large hole to fill.
177
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:41,381
And I know you'll want
to test me. But it's not my fault.
178
00:08:41,541 --> 00:08:43,601
And I will not be anyone's
whipping boy.
179
00:08:45,221 --> 00:08:46,961
Oh, grow up!
180
00:08:48,901 --> 00:08:49,921
How was the test?
181
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,901
I remembered everything
you've taught me.
182
00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:56,580
Like best storage for fish -
75.9 degrees centigrade.
183
00:08:56,581 --> 00:08:59,301
I never said that. That would be
like storing fish in a Jacuzzi.
184
00:08:59,461 --> 00:09:01,221
Ah, and you can't do that? No.
185
00:09:01,361 --> 00:09:04,740
But they'd love it!
Everyone loves a Jacuzzi.
186
00:09:04,741 --> 00:09:07,300
Come on, Ray, even you do.
187
00:09:07,301 --> 00:09:10,001
Ah, see! It's the bubbles, isn't it?
188
00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:14,001
They tickle.
189
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:16,741
Is that haddock?
190
00:09:18,181 --> 00:09:20,880
Can I get Julie's book back?
Oh, Margaret's got it.
191
00:09:20,881 --> 00:09:22,001
What? I said don't let anyone see!
192
00:09:22,081 --> 00:09:23,901
Well, we told her it was top secret.
193
00:09:24,081 --> 00:09:28,100
Brilliant.
You should work for MI5. Oooh.
194
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,001
Right! That's it. No, not me.
195
00:09:31,401 --> 00:09:35,140
Excuse me, do you work here? Yes?
Where's the tuna?
196
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,180
It's not where it used to be
and... he's clueless.
197
00:09:38,181 --> 00:09:41,041
Oh, tuna's been relocated to
aisle three.
198
00:09:41,221 --> 00:09:43,101
Oh, sorry, the
"foods of the world" aisle.
199
00:09:43,181 --> 00:09:44,720
Aisle three! King of the aisles.
200
00:09:44,721 --> 00:09:46,800
Who'd have thought tuna would
make it to the top?
201
00:09:46,801 --> 00:09:48,261
Yeah, show her, Leighton.
202
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,281
Oh, Katie, can you update the store
maps and get them circulated?
203
00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:53,540
It's chaos,
no-one can find anything.
204
00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:55,581
Yep, no problem. I'll do that.
Oh, Anna...
205
00:09:55,781 --> 00:09:58,000
I am having a lunch break.
Of course.
206
00:09:58,001 --> 00:10:00,880
It's just I noticed some rowdy
teenagers in the break-out zone.
207
00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:03,121
I wondered if you needed me
to help out?
208
00:10:03,281 --> 00:10:05,541
Talk to the hand with your "help".
209
00:10:06,641 --> 00:10:09,540
"'I must have you again, '
breathed Gareth,
210
00:10:09,541 --> 00:10:11,600
"as he leant across the chiller
"unit,
211
00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:14,500
"where Jenny was checking the expiry
date of some mini-Kievs."
212
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:15,760
Goodness.
213
00:10:15,761 --> 00:10:18,341
Oh, that would get my Alan drooling.
Really?
214
00:10:18,501 --> 00:10:22,181
Oh, yeah. And if I'm honest,
it would me a bit, too.
215
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:26,320
Gosh, Margaret.
I had no idea you were into that.
216
00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:30,001
My husband
and I watched a film once,
217
00:10:30,161 --> 00:10:33,861
but I actually found it a bit
embarrassing.
218
00:10:34,021 --> 00:10:38,641
What, you watched a film about mini-Kievs?
You should be embarrassed.
219
00:10:42,948 --> 00:10:46,008
Hello, all.
I'll just leave that there.
220
00:10:46,148 --> 00:10:48,887
Nev, you be taxin' us
for the cash-money early, G.
221
00:10:48,888 --> 00:10:53,348
G? Gangster, yeah?
Y-you did say. True dat. Sorry, G.
222
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:56,189
All right, man.
And not disrespecting you,
223
00:10:56,329 --> 00:10:58,609
but you left the lid
off the toothpaste again.
224
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:01,324
Ah, my bad. No disrespect taken,
MC P.
225
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,280
Soph, any chance of the
Benjamins at all?
226
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,500
Do I look like a cashpoint, Neville?
227
00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,180
But, Richard, what is it?
228
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:17,120
I've been thinking.
What is retail if not theatre? So...
229
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,040
A fax machine!
230
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,200
They say magic begins with dreams.
231
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,080
Welcome to my dream.
232
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:36,159
Hey, what if they make a movie
out of Julie's book?
233
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,259
We could be in it!
234
00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:40,959
No way. I'd never do a blue movie.
I'm very private about my body.
235
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,720
Not even for a million quid?
236
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,919
Yeah, course, a million. A thousand?
237
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,839
Er, yeah. Hundred?
238
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,899
Probably. Tenner?
239
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,520
Oh, my God, Sue, I'm not a slapper.
240
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,120
OK, sorry.
241
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,040
20?
242
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,300
Yeah.
243
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:02,539
Sorry, I got your list but I can't
understand your handwriting.
244
00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:03,819
What does that say?
245
00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,420
It says boat, Leighton.
246
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,840
What do you want a boat for?
You can't sail.
247
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,600
I don't want to fucking sail it.
248
00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:12,639
I want to put it in a driveway
so people can see it.
249
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,380
But your nan
doesn't have a driveway.
250
00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:15,680
Look at number 15.
251
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,579
Oh, yeah, it says "driveway".
252
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:19,840
All right, put me down for a boat,
too.
253
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,860
And get us some more crisps, would
you, Leighton? No problemo.
254
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,840
It's like we can get him to
do whatever we want.
255
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,120
Yeah, I know.
256
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:32,640
What can we get him to do?
257
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,199
Margaret! I've been looking
everywhere for you.
258
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,540
You know that manuscript that Sue
and Linda gave to you?
259
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,040
Oh, you mean Julie's novel?
260
00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:41,920
Yeah. Please don't tell her that
you've seen it.
261
00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:44,779
Oh, no, love.
I wouldn't know what to say.
262
00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:46,219
I know!
263
00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:51,019
Such terrible spelling! Poor
thing, she must be really lonely.
264
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,439
Every night, writing that rubbish.
265
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,139
Yeah, I guess so. S-so where is it?
266
00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:59,180
Oh, er, well, I passed it on to
someone. Ooh, er...
267
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,879
Oh, I've got a memory
like a lavatory brush, me.
268
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,300
Never mind.
269
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,500
Here. I got you something.
270
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:10,700
What is it?
271
00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:12,300
Open it.
272
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,840
What's this? It's us.
Two mates out on the town together.
273
00:13:19,980 --> 00:13:21,919
We've never been
out on the town together.
274
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,160
Yeah, but this is
what it would be like if we had.
275
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:29,600
Oh. It looks like we might have
been in the pub. Yeah!
276
00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:31,360
What happened in the pub?
277
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,700
Well, we talked, drank,
chatted up birds.
278
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,759
This leather jacket I'm wearing,
it seems good quality.
279
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,179
Soft but structured.
280
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:41,919
Yeah, yeah. That's actually
a photograph of David Hasselhoff
281
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,939
with your head on it.
Oh. It works. I know. Uncanny.
282
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:48,299
After the pub, would
we have gone to Baskin and Robbins?
283
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,219
Um... yeah, yeah, could have done.
284
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:53,579
I would have had two scoops.
Very berry and rum and raisin.
285
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,980
'Would Dave please
go the manager's office?
286
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,239
'That's Dave to
the manager's office.'
287
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,239
Mate, mate, this is it!
Wish me luck.
288
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,460
Please... go.
289
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,999
Oi! Leighton. Hey.
290
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,499
There you are.
We've been having a little think.
291
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:20,140
We would love you to
be our wedding planner for life.
292
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,100
Oh, wow! Oh, that's such an honour!
What does it mean?
293
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,679
Er, it means you have to look
after us all the time.
294
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:28,799
Right. Wow! Wow.
295
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,339
I mean, I was hoping it was going
well but this is...
296
00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:33,580
Yeah, so going to need
you at mine after work.
297
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:35,040
Got some laundry building up.
298
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,440
Yeah, then come to my nan's.
Cos the bog's flooding.
299
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:39,781
So just bring some sort of stick or
something to get it.
300
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,180
Shall we get some pizza? Yeah.
We'll text you our order.
301
00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:45,260
Pizza, stick, laundry.
302
00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:48,319
Will you be needing me
to wear some kind of hat?
303
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,080
Yeah, definitely. Yeah? Yeah.
304
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:55,820
That's the lowest test result ever
recorded in Valco history.
305
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:58,080
Really? The lowest ever?
306
00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:01,919
So I've actually broken some
sort of Valco record? Yes. Sweet!
307
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,460
It's not something to be proud of.
308
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:09,860
It means you can't work
here any more. Yeah. Shit.
309
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,140
This is the first job I've
actually enjoyed.
310
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,700
Anyway, erm...
311
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,640
Thanks for the opportunity.
312
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:19,839
Sorry, just to check,
313
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,720
that's the lowest score at a Valco
across the whole UK, right?
314
00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:24,160
Yes.
315
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:32,960
"Ga-reth lowered her into the
shopping trolley. As her heee..."
316
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,220
Head.
317
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:38,540
"..head bounced
rhythmically off the wire frame,
318
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:42,879
"she felt one of the wheels go
and she reee..." Realised.
319
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,900
"..realised they'd have to
invoice heee..." Head.
320
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,660
"..office for a replacement."
321
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,920
What is this shite?
322
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,779
I can't believe we've never
thought of that! Come on.
323
00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:54,220
Oh, no.
324
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,080
Bloody hell.
325
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,720
I'm really sorry, Ray.
I failed the test.
326
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,440
The dream's over. What?
327
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:10,180
But, can I just say, it's been
an honour working with you?
328
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:15,179
You've been more than just a mentor
to me, you've been like a best mate.
329
00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:16,460
A best mate?
330
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,199
I've never been a best mate before.
331
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,399
I'm going to, going to miss all the
fun we've had together.
332
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,220
De-scaling, weighing... seeing which
fish float in the bog.
333
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,740
Actually, that one
was just me on my own.
334
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,200
Are you all right, mate?
335
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:42,720
Anna, could
I possibly borrow ?14.80?
336
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,459
It's just I gave my ?2 to Sophie
337
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:47,260
and I was going to use
that for a sandwich, so I'm a...
338
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,219
Wait, you are telling me that
these kids took your lunch money?
339
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:51,840
Yes. But very much as a loan.
340
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,180
What are you going to give them
next, Neville, huh? Your trainers?
341
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:58,220
Your bike? Well, they took that
a couple of weeks ago, so...
342
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:01,919
OK. This is enough. Um, Neville,
take those cups to the kitchen.
343
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,960
Certainly, yes. What are you...?
Now! Right-o.
344
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,719
She chose one of you as well.
345
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,419
Eh, Sophie.
346
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:13,240
In Sevilla, when children do not
show respect, we say to them,
347
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:17,759
"Either you can do this the hard
way or the easy way."
348
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,839
What?
349
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,520
This is for disrespecting
your father.
350
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,479
Oh, my God!
351
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,180
You are lucky.
I wanted to do it the hard way
352
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:31,360
but for this I need a plastic sheet,
goggles and a car battery.
353
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,000
Who's Fellatio?
354
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,220
The king of Italy, shut up! Ah!
355
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:41,920
I have something to say to you!
356
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,200
Hello.
357
00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:47,200
You have to let Dave
re-sit his test because...
358
00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:50,540
Because this could destroy
everything.
359
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:53,099
We were going to go to
Baskin and Robbins. What?
360
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,039
I was going to order rum and raisin.
361
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,119
And I was going to wear
a leather jacket...
362
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:01,120
Let him re-sit his test.
I will train him. And he will pass.
363
00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:05,440
All right. Well, I won't
submit his test to head office yet.
364
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:07,180
But you'll need to get him
up to speed quickly.
365
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:10,220
Yes, OK. Thank you.
366
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,680
Those are nice window blinds.
Reversible?
367
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,640
I believe so.
368
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:26,560
Hey, Anna, have you read this?
It's frickin' hilarious!
369
00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:27,820
Right, look at this bit.
370
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,740
Oh, thank God.
371
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,640
Look, don't take the piss.
It's not fair.
372
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:32,780
Why, what is it?
373
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:36,300
It's just some... research
on... consumer habits.
374
00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:39,199
Oh, God, Katie,
you're such a scab now.
375
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,579
I'm not. It's just that if that...
376
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:43,180
Here, just take some maps.
377
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,600
Boring.
378
00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:50,400
There she is!
How'd you find it today, Katester?
379
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,140
You look a bit exhausted!
380
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,200
You getting
vertigo there at the top, huh?
381
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,799
Yes, we've made a great team today.
Julie and Katie.
382
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,080
Jutie.
383
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,060
Although I couldn't find the
staff rotas, Katie.
384
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:12,780
Oh. Right. Yeah. That's because I
wondered if maybe... we could
385
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:17,420
get the staff to do their
own rotas. Why?
386
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:21,280
Because who knows their schedules
better than the staff, right?
387
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:30,400
That is a stand-out
example of operationalising.
388
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,980
Let's sniff-test it.
389
00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:35,820
Yes, well done, Katie.
We will give that a sniff.
390
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,420
I've got to say, ladies,
391
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,900
this store is iMac-ing
its way to fabdom.
392
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,740
What's that you're shredding?
Oh, um, just last week's rotas.
393
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,040
Oh, my God, Katie.
394
00:19:58,380 --> 00:20:01,600
One of my personal documents
appears to be open on the desktop.
395
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,660
Have you been reading it?
396
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,419
Yeah. I saw it.
397
00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:13,120
Oh, God, this is awful!
Has anybody else seen it?
398
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,139
Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't worry,
no-one's seen it. Honest.
399
00:20:16,140 --> 00:20:17,280
Oh, thank God for that.
400
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,520
So, er, w-w-w-w-w-w-what
did you think?
401
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,339
I, erm... you know, it was very...
402
00:20:27,340 --> 00:20:31,340
Yes. Well, I was in a different place
when I wrote it. Things were, um...
403
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:36,779
But I'm much happier now. Valco
Better keeps me really, really busy.
404
00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:38,539
Good.
405
00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:44,460
But the bits that I did see,
were really, really, really....
406
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,420
Oh, thanks, Katie.
407
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,980
You know, I've actually had a
go at some crime fiction,
408
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,920
if you'd care to take a look?
409
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,500
Here's the last of it.
Erm... I'll go wipe the tables down.
410
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,680
You know, she has been a real
peach helping to tidy up.
411
00:21:03,820 --> 00:21:05,920
I really feel I've really turned
a corner with her.
412
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,300
Neville, are you crying?
No, no, no.
413
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,520
It's just the last of the smoke
working its way out of my retina.
414
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:14,719
Martin, it's Rich.
415
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,740
Just thought I'd give you
the granular from Warrington.
416
00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:21,599
Yeah, yeah, Julie Cook.
She's high level, Shelly.
417
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,799
Just keeps whacking it
out of the park, you know.
418
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:30,720
Which is why Gavin has got to go.
Seriously. He's... he's dead wood.
419
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,459
Time to cut him out and burn him.
420
00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:36,940
Well done today, Katie.
Go team Jutie!
421
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,540
Bye, Julie.
Loved your book, you filthy cow!
422
00:21:44,620 --> 00:21:46,060
'Night.
423
00:21:46,110 --> 00:21:50,660
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