All language subtitles for Trollied s02e12 Lorraines Replacement.eng

I'm quite nervous.
You won't beat our prices.

Can she stop that now?

If you can get it anywhere cheaper,
I'll come and cook it myself.

Red hot deals. We've got offers on
everything from booze to biscuits.

Loads of 2-for-1s.

Service with a smile.

We have fresh produce.
Delivered daily.

Don't forget the Valco tick.
That way.

Am I getting paid for this? Valco...
I wasn't ready. Weren't you ready?

Valco, serves you right.

Valco, serves you right.

How did this get in here?

Did you know the starting salary for
a fireman is 25 grand?

25 grand just for holding a hose
and playing volleyball!

Are you still arsed-off
because we earn the same amount?

Just keeping my options open.

What about this - "Starting
salary 28 grand, flexible hours."

What as? Butcher.
You are a butcher.

Yeah, but not a butcher
at Stark's Farm Foods.

Bloody hell, professional
environment.

Hey, this is a professional
environment.

Oh, I've got a right fuzzy head on.

What's up, Margaret?

My granddaughter's doing a list
of songs for our golden wedding.

And she wants to know what Alan
and mine's song was

when we were courting.
Forgot!

Tell you what mine'd be,
Eye of the Tiger.

Mate, you're single.
And you always will be.

The thing is, I remember the tune.

It's on the tip of my teeth.

Oh, Leighton,
help me tidy up this monstrosity.

No. No, I said I have to
be in Warrington today.

Yes! Thank you. Ah, here she is.

Ah, now, Julie,
this is Arnold from HR.

I met you once in the car park.

Oh, right. Well, hello again.

Arnold is here to assist with
the interviews for the new manager.

Yes I am. Well, fingers crossed
we don't get another Lorraine.

There's no-one called
Lorraine among the applicants.

Oh, god, I tell you, Head Office
they're chewing my tail about these No Nonsense figures.

I mean how the are we supposed to
sell that, look at it!

Prisoners would turn
up their nose at it, Gavin.

We should start the interviews.

Oh right, right, yes well,

positively raring to go, aren't we,
Arnold? Yes.

Spectacular! Well, open the Colosseum
and send in the gladiators!

Ay-up. Hey!

Someone had a good night?

Nah, I just got a really good
grade for my assignment.

Oh cool, well done.

What about you?
How's things at home?

Bit of a nightmare.
Don't really want to talk about...

What is that?
What's it look like?

A manky sausage.

Well, if it looks like a manky
sausage,

and it smells like a manky sausage,
then it's

a manky sausage.

Get it off my counter.

Steady on, you'll hurt his feelings.
He's got nowhere to go.

Get rid of it now, Kieran.

Kieran!

Tails.

Heads. That's amazing.
Is it a trick or something?

It's silly, isn't it? It's always
the opposite of what I guess.

Hey, you should go on telly
with that.

Yeah, I did want to apply to that
Millionaire programme

but my wife said
she didn't want to see me on the TV.

Which is fair enough, I suppose.
Oi!

Oh come on, you big bollock,
come over and say hello.

I'm bored.

Sorry. Could I have my two
pence back, please?

Glad you were able to sort through
the CVs, Arnold. That's mine.

Oh, sorry.

I barely have time to iron
my trousers these days.

Do you enjoy being area manager?

Well, between me,
you and the pencil sharpener,

life in the overtaking lane is
rather stressful.

Not getting a lot of sleep.

I sleep for exactly nine hours.

Lord of the dance!
Nine hours would be bliss.

Anyway, thanks for sorting these.

I ran them through a programme to
match certain keywords.

The first keyword was manager.

Fascinating. Well, there's certainly
some interesting candidates here.

Oh, look.

Look at that, that's
Mike Townsworth from Homebase.

Well, there's a surprise.

So who's first?

Neil Barclay.
Ten years at Robinson's Jams.

Right well,
cup of tea before we start? Coffee?

No. Oh good idea.

Yes, er, if we fire up any more
we'll probably burst into flames.

I'll just bring in Neil.

I bet you get good holiday
leave too.

I mean here if you want a holiday you've
got to turn up to work in your trunks.

The grass is always greener on
other meat counters.

Well, Stark's care
about their employees.

Valco treat their staff like
shitty bog brushes.

Go on then apply for it.

I can't leave here, can I?
Too many people rely on me, Kieran.

Hey, what are you playing at?

You're playing at being a wuss.
Time to you put your money...

where your big fat gob is.

Advert. Advert butcher.

I'm calling about the advert.
To be a butcher.

Because I am a butcher.

That's right, yes.
I'm work at Valco at the moment.

I'm the king butcher here. Er,
there. Everywhere.

I mean, the head butcher.
Really? Today?

OK, yes, that would be great.

Thank you very much,
I'll see you then.

There's no way you just got
an interview off the back of that phone call.

Oh no? Turns out they're aware of my
work and would like to see me today.

Looks like this cow going to be
chomping on some greener grass.

Oi! You...

Leighton, are your arms made out
of lead?

You should be finished here.

I'm sorry, Julie,
there's been an error.

And I don't want to tell
you what.

Oh, for goodness sake, do I
constantly have to change your nappy?

I'm not wearing a nappy.

Look, just tell me what's happened!

Instead of putting the No Nonsense
items on the No Nonsense shelf,

I put the Treat Yourself
items on the No Nonsense shelf.

Well? Just move them. I can't
because customers have bought them.

People have bought Treat Yourself
items off the No Nonsense stand?

And they took the No Nonsense
items at the same time it's crazy.

A spoonful of sugar, Leighton.

Who would buy that?

No, what I mean is, a spoonful of
sugar helps the medicine go down.

Poppins. Poppins?

Look, people are buying No Nonsense
because it's cheap.

So to make themselves
better they're buying

Treat Yourself at the same time.
Understand?

Oh Leighton, I think you might have
just found the magic formula.

Abracadabra!

Really lovely to meet you, Susan,

and I hope your sinuses
get better soon.

Thank you.

Oh, sorry, I was just
looking for something. An earring!

I was looking for an earring!

You're not wearing earrings.

So everything going OK?
With the interviews?

Oh, yes, we're positively racing
through the candidates, aren't we, Arnold?

Yes we are.

Great. And none of them are,
you know, like Lorraine?

No, no. No Lorraines.

Right, well I'll let you
do the do. Bye.

Oh I don't know about you, Arnold,

but by the end of today I'm going to
need a really big glass of water.

Hello, Gavin Strong speaking.

Well, yes I've told you
I'm in Warrrington.

Well, cos...

Just to remind customers,
there's a 2-for-1 offer on feminine

hygiene products
in the pharmacy today.

How come we have to have hygiene
products but men don't?

They're the stinky ones.

Tell me about it.
I went out with a lad once,

smelled like he was smuggling
Camembert down there.

Hey. Can you do us a favour?
Go on, what do you want?

Make an announcement get Katie
over here and give her this?

What is it? You do not want to know.

You think we've got time to be
playing jokes all day?

Because we do. Give it here.

Thanks. Seriously, don't look
inside.

Could Katie please come to
customer services, please.

Bloody hell, it smells like that lad
I went out with. Oh don't quick.

Thank you.

Nev, can I ask you a personal
question?

Of course. Always happy to share!

How many people have you shagged?

Oh, good golly. I'm not sure that's
shop floor talk, Lisa.

Yeah, but like, have you ever been
going out with someone,

but shagged other
people at the same time?

No, me and the ex-wife were fully
committed. Well, I was.

Yeah, but like what
about people before her?

No, she was my first, Lisa.
And the last.

It's funny, really.
I used to enjoy full sex.

Could never tell if she did.

Still, let's just say birthdays
were a bit of a treat.

Well, not every birthday.

Well, I think
we can safely say no to him.

I mean, nice man, but he wasn't even
aware of policy 51B!

Unless you had any thoughts, Arnold?

No thoughts from me, no.

For a moment I thought
he was going to blow our minds.

What sort of person do we want?

That's a good question, Arnold.

Passion. And pride.

Somebody who's going to walk through
that door and say,

"Yes! I want this to be my office!

"I want this to be my hole punch!"

Pride and passion, Arnold.

We've got Ben Howard from Next.

I'll get him in!

It was all the rage in the '60s.
Hmmm, hmm, pum, pum.

Me and Alan used to dance to it.

Married 50 years, eh?
Not many couples last that long.

Well, we weren't just a couple for
long.

Started our family in the first
year. Oh and Alan went grey.

So you started a family
straight away?

Well, if it's the right person you
just feel it in your fingers.

And the first one was an accident.

Oh, hi, love.

So you're actually thinking
of leaving Valco? Impossible.

Nothing's impossible.

The Russians put a dog into space.
If they can do that,

I can go for an interview.

You reckon? Cos you look scared.

Scared? Me?

What, of going up for a job
I can do in my sleep?

Nah. They're the one's who
want to be scared.

I'm going to go in there
and tear 'em a new one.

You maybe just start by showing them
your CV.

This is my CV.
These are my qualifications.

Is there a pop star called Prince?

Yeah. Nah, it's not him.

Oh! Boom.

Want a good time, sailor?

Oh I'm having one.

Come on. Fancy a go in the loading
bay?

My loading bay?

Nah thanks, busy innit.

Are you serious? I'm frothing here.

Frothing!

So I said to Alan,
"Do you know what the song is?"

He shook his head. I thought,
"Well, someone here must know

"but they all shook their heads."

Do, do, do, do do-do.
Do you know what it is? No!

Never mind. Enjoy your paloney.

So, Kieran, are you and Emma
thinking of having a little one?

Er, not sure.

Just feels a bit early, you know?

We're still getting used to
the whole marriage thing.

You mean she wants one
and you don't.

I'll say one thing - don't do it
if you're not ready.

Not fair on the kiddy.

So how green was the other grass?

A damn sight fresher than round
here.

And they were more than a little
impressed with yours truly.

Let me guess, they were
so overwhelmed by your superior

knowledge they offered you a job
there and then.

Yep. You're kidding?

I don't know why you're
so surprised.

If there was a hall of fame
for butchers I'd be

inducted into it time
and time again.

You wouldn't leave here.

You always banged on about how you'd
defend Valco to the bitter end.

Oh, in the old days, absolutely.

Wild bulls couldn't chase me
out of here.

But where's the incentive now, eh?
Nobody appreciates me.

Did there used to be a pop star
called Captain Parrot?

No.

Oh, I'll have to scratch him
off my list then.

Cheers.

What's got into you?

That lady over there in the purple
cardigan is my ex-wife.

I can't let her know I'm
working here!

Well, she's coming over.
Well, don't let her see me.

She thinks I still run my own
business!

Sorry, mate,
I don't get involved in domestics.

Please!

Er, can I help you?

And can you see yourself managing
this Valco then, Kevin?

Oh, yes. I mean, just walking in
through the main doors

it's like a different dimension.

And the notice board at the front,
that really catches the eye.

Well, it's not all angels and roses.
No you're on your feet a lot.

I hope you've got a good
pair of Hush Puppies.

Oh, I have. I've got the Torino
leather slip-ons.

Really? That's what I wear.
Well, amongst others.

Mother of pearl, what a coincidence!

Why do you think you're
suited to this job?

Well, I think I'm at an age where
I'd like to put down my roots,

really be a constant anchor that
never lets Valco

sail into troubled waters.

Well, thank you very much for coming
in, and well, we'll be in touch.

Ah thank you very much, Gavin.
Nice to meet you too, Arnold.

He seemed like the right person.

What? He was awful.
I don't wish to be cruel

but I've seen more
personality in that photocopier.

This surprises me.

I wouldn't put any of these
candidates in charge of a milk

float, let alone a Valco.

Can I make a suggestion?

Look, Arnold, we've already had
three toilet breaks,

you know you were half an hour last
time.

What were you up... look, I
think we just crack on.

I'd like to suggest
somebody for manager.

Their CV got 10 out
of 10 on my keyword match.

Hard-working, experienced and smart.

It's not Roger Parish, is it? I
didn't think he ever got back from Thailand.

No. But this person would be
perfect for the job.

Throwing a party, are you?

I'm sorry?
All this wine. Or are you an alkie?

Are you trained to talk
to your customers like that?

Yeah. It's chit-chat.
The managers insist on it.

Right, I see. As it happens,
I'm having a dinner party.

Just a little celebration.

Ah, nice. What you celebrating?

If you must know, my boyfriend
managed to sell a caravan

we had cluttering up the driveway.

On eBay, is it?

I tried selling my used knickers
on eBay once but they closed me

account.
Right. I suppose that would happen.

Yeah. Boyfriend?
So you not married then?

No, done that once. Big mistake.

Er, that's ?78.90 then please.

Ah cheers. There you go.

Well, best of luck
selling your underwear.

Yeah, I might car boot it. See ya.

Thanks Lisa. I owe you one.

Oh, no biggie. So...
that caravan is it yours, is it?

Yes. That's a shame.
I loved that caravan.

Many's the night I slept in there,
on the driveway.

Don't worry about it, Nev.
You're better off without her.

Face like a smacked arse.

Yeah. So they've given you
a time limit then?

To make up your mind? Oh they said I
could take as much time as I need.

That's the difference between Valco
and Stark's they're worlds apart.

Oh, don't sound like you'd be able
to muck around there much.

Yeah, well butchers shouldn't be
mucking around. It's a deadly serious business.

So who do you reckon would
win in a fight between a polar bear and a grizzly bear?

Eh?
If you had to put money on it?

Well, depends on the location
obviously.

Are we talking Arctic or woodland?
Mmm, bit of both.

Have either of them got cubs?

No. Both bears are... single.

Yeah, but are they... Oh, hang on,
I know what you're doing.

Yeah and it's not going to work.

Just saying,
you like to stand around yapping.

They won't let you do
that at Stark's.

It's not about yapping,
it's about respect.

If Gavin wants me to stay here,
he can fight for me.

Well, I hope you don't think we've
been chasing you round

the Mulberry bush here today,
Arnold.

No.

Good, good.
So any plans for the weekend, Arnold?

No. No plans.

Well, I'll see you soon, and
thanks once again for all your help.

Oh are you leaving, Arnold?

Yes, bye, Julie.

Oh, well, take care.

Maybe I'll see you in another
car park some time.

Well, I hope you like good news,
Gavin.

Good news is better than no news.

It's the No Nonsense
and Treat Yourself stand. It works!

We've sold more units today than
we usually do in one week!

Spirits alive! That is good news!
Well done, Julie.

Head office will be blowing
trumpets.

So have you decided then.
On a new manager?

Yes. Yes, today has turned out to be
rather an extraordinary day.

So who is it then?

Urgh, when's today gonna end?

Hey! Game over.

Come on, you like a game of hide the
sausage as much as the next girl.

No! What you doing? No, you can't.

Oh, hi, Emma.

We were just playing... Sausage and
it's gone off and...

Funny. Why haven't you been
answering your phone?

The battery ran out!
Oh, for fu...

Emma, not here, please?
Let me just get my coat and...

You'd demote yourself for us?

Well, it's time I put down my roots,

be a constant anchor that never lets
Valco sail into troubled waters.

Amazing, Gavin!

Amazing, Gavin!

OK, OK, don't go overboard,
we're not in Paris.

It's like you've thrown everybody
else over the top

rope of a wrestling ring.

And the winner of the match is
Gavin!

Oh, I feel like hugging you again.

Oh, come here, Julie Cook.

Gavin?
Andy, you flipping idiot!

I'm just going to come out with it.
I've been offered another job.

It's a great opportunity and,
if you're not prepared to

match their salary, I think I'm
going to take it. Oh right.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that you
want to leave, Andy,

but if that's your wish
then you go for it.

A change is as good as a rest!

Oh I thought you might want to...

No, no,
I fully support your decision.

Oh. All right. Well, I'll, er,
get off then.

Oh, so much to do,
I can't think straight.

Goodness, if I'm staying then
we can go back to using drawing pins

instead of Blu-Tack.

Yay!

How'd it go?
What? How did what go?

Your big speech to Gavin?

Oh, yeah, yeah, he was down on his
bended knees begging me to stay.

Ball's in my court now.

Nice one, mate.
Oh, night night, Kieran.

Oh, polar bear. What?

Polar bear would win. Bigger jaws.

Andy, what about this?

Doo, do, do, doo.

Sorry, Margaret.
It's not ringing any bells.

Oh. That's it, Andy! The Bells!

Oh, The Bells of St Clements.

It's Oranges and Lemons!
Oh, you are a clever clogs!

What would we do without you?

Orange and lemons said the bells of
St Clements.

I owe you five farthings said
the bells of St Trinian's.

Can we please just get out of here?
Yeah, all right, Emma! Jesus!

Is he like this with you? Because I
don't think I can take much more of this.

I'm sorry, Emma, I really don't
want to get involved.

Oh, no of course you don't.
You get to have fun with my husband.

I just get the bullshit.

Why are you being like this?
I'm not being like anything.

You don't want to buy a house, you
don't want to have a baby.

Do you even want to be with me?

Great. Thank you.

Emma...
Fuck off, Kieran!

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