Original subtitles

TICK: Arthur...

(ship flying overhead)

Arthur.

(screaming)

Arthur!

Help, Tick!

TICK: We're part of a plan that's bigger

-than the both of us. -(screaming)

ARTHUR: Maybe destiny is real.

TICK: Oh, she's real, chum.

ARTHUR: I think I got to do this, Tick.

(breathing heavily)

Oh, God.

(alarm blaring)

(alarm stops)

Oh, I had a flying dream.

No surprise there.

You've got a flying life, fella.

I think it means something.

Indeed.

Yesterday you bested your nemesis.

Today you wake anew, ready to begin following the hero's way.

-I think you're right, Tick. -What?

-I'm in. -Really?

-Yeah. -Fantastic!

(clears throat)

And I shall be your teacher, stern but fair.

Together we shall explore the rigors of extreme learning.

What is this?

Oh, you found another one. Great.

Wait. What? Tick.

-(toilet flushes) -Tick.

(grunts)

Wha-What happened?

I don't know, but I like it.

You've-you've changed again.

Everything's changed, fella.

The Terror's been uprooted, The City is free,

and you are finally ready.

We shall commence training immediately.

Ok-Okay.

I have been itching to hone that danger reflex of yours.

-Arthur. -Tick?

-Arthur. -Tick.

-Think quick. -What?

(wheezes)

We'll be working on that one a lot, chum.

♪ ♪

NEWSMAN (over radio): In the Netherlands this morning,

Superian delivered the frozen super-villain

into the custody of the World Court.

Meanwhile, authorities in The City are still on the hunt

for The Terror's accomplices.

(grunts)

-Hey, dumb-ass. -What?

-(electricity whining) -Mm.

Let me help you with that.

Aah!

I'm taking your go-kart.

NEWSWOMAN (over radio): The World Court Council in The Hague

will put The Terror on trial

for nearly a century of crimes against humanity.

Trial?! What are they gonna do next, unfreeze the motherf...?

The council is also considering a motion to thaw out The Terror

-in accordance with due process. -Ugh!

(indistinct chatter)

(grunts)

(buzzing)

I-I still don't understand. So you're molting?

Is this like a superhero thing?

-Must be if I'm doing it. -Thanks.

Oh, wonder what it means.

I wish I knew.

The mystery of me is an onion with many leaves.

Yeah, well, we should probably try to figure that onion out

at some point.

Hey, what's with the crazy outfit, man?

We need you in your wingsuit.

Tick, look, I-I'm gonna do this superhero thing with you,

but I need to do it my way, which means going to work.

Not the pretend job again.

-It's a real job with real money. -Money is just paper.

Look, Fishladder & Sons is reopening today.

Part-time superheroes.

I'm bringing the suit with me,

okay, right here in this briefcase.

That way, if anything happens...

"If" is always "when" in evil's book, fella.

Tick, I-I need you to understand.

I don't really have savings per se.

Um, coffee. Coffee.

You like coffee, right?

Love it. Love it.

Right, so, no job...

no money, no coffee, no apartment...

Then no coffee.

And let the sky be our roof.

-Now, Arthur. -What?

-Think quick. -Okay, Tick, I really have to...

Aah!

Solid landing, chum.

That's a good start. Ah.

There's another one.

See, when destiny jumps off the bridge, so do you.

-You leap, then you look. -(toilet flushes)

Okay, Tick, I'll be back by 6:00, all right?

Jesus. God, can't you knock?

And give up the element of surprise?

-Yes. Give that up. -Where's The Tick?

Overkill. How we doing?

-Let me kill people. -Still in the woods, eh?

I'm not in the woods. I'm in a complete shutdown.

You can't just take murder away from me.

Apparently I can and I did.

If Overkill can't kill people, then he's over, man.

Overman. I like it.

-I don't need a new name, you big, blue jackass. -(phone rings)

-I need lethal capacity. -Hello?

DANGERBOAT (over phone): Is Overkill there yet?

He has been on a tear all morning.

Oh, uh, Dangerboat, yeah.

He's here. Do you need something?

DANGERBOAT: I was just wondering...

have you ever seen The Princess Bride?

-Uh, the movie? -It's so good, isn't it?

I was thinking of watching it again

one of these nights.

So you're saying I should unwish my no-kill wish

because you only kill people who deserve it?

That is exactly what I'm saying.

Still sounds murder-y. I don't like it.

-What do you think, chum? Do you like it? -Uh, wh-what?

Tell him I can't be an effective force for change

unless I maintain lethal capability.

Okay, uh, you know what, everybody, um,

I-I really got to get to work.

Sure. O-Okay. So what night do you want to come over?

You know what, Dangerboat? It's-it's-it's just that, uh,

things are a little crazy right now.

We're still sort of trying to settle into a schedule

between patrol and my job,

-so maybe I can get back to you on that one? -As you wish.

-Okay. Uh, I'm getting another call. -(phone beeps)

I should take that.

That's what Westley says to the princess.

-He says, "As you wish." -Okay. Okay, bye.

-(phone beeps) -Hi, Mom.

Hello, honey.

-What are you trying to do? -(Arthur sighs)

Turn me into a goddamn Buddhist?

Boots, shoes, it's not about the footwear, man.

It's about the path.

-Do you have guests? -ARTHUR: Uh, I wouldn't say guests.

Mom, I'm actually running a little late for work.

-Say hi to Arthur. -Walter said to say hi.

-How are his feet? -(stammers)

Great. Okay. It's just it's my first day back at work.

I need to kill.

You need a hug.

What was that? Don't do that.

Hug fight!

-Get away from me. -Hug fight!

JOAN: I'm making dinner tonight,

a family dinner, and Walter and I want to know

if you and Tick will come.

I called Dot. She's not picking up,

but I'm sure she'll come.

I just want us to sit as a family

-and-and eat and share... -TICK: You know you want it,

-come on. ...and know we're all okay.

-No killing! -No hugging.

Yeah, I think we're okay, Mom.

JOAN: Who knows what we are?

Who knew you were flying around fighting crime?

I sure didn't.

That's a big thing to not know about your son.

That's a big secret.

I don't want secrets in this family, Arthur.

I don't.

Okay, well, that's fine because now you know everything.

So what time is good for you two tonight for dinner?

How about we get off the phone now

a-a-and then we can be over there at 8:00?

That's great, honey.

TICK: Evening patrol's at 7:00, fella.

Fine. Let's, uh, make it 8:30.

Okay, I really need to go, Mom, to work.

-Okay. -Okay. I love you. Bye.

So this is how it is?

Yes. That is how it is.

Then I'll come with you to this workplace.

We're a team.

Together, we'll balance those books

and be free all the faster.

I'll be back at 6:00.

Why don't you make another pot of coffee

and try not to break anything?

Hmm.

(indistinct chatter)

(Arthur exhales)

Hey, uh, Kevin?

Buddy? What-what are we looking at here?

We're being watched.

Some kind of sophisticated surveillance drone.

Very cagey.

I think they might be coming for us.

Uh, I think we're probably okay.

All right then, uh, good talk.

WOMAN: Ooh, who's a good boy, yeah?

RADIO NEWS HOST: To understand the pro-thaw argument,

we spoke to noted professor of legal ethics

Dr. James McCandliss.

-(phone buzzing) -McCANDLISS: Only by raising The Terror

to 98.6 degrees can we avoid being lowered

-to his level... -CUSTOMER: Here you go.

CLERK: Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, can I get a large latte?

(groans)

(woman screaming, dog yelping)

RADIO NEWS HOST: To understand the pro-thaw argument...

WOMAN: Ooh, who's a good boy, yeah?

...we spoke to noted professor of legal ethics

-Dr. James McCandliss. -(phone buzzing)

McCANDLISS: Only by raising The Terror

to 98.6 degrees can we avoid...

CUSTOMER: Here you go.

CLERK: Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, can I get a large latte?

(groans)

What the hell was that?

I... I don't know-- oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

-I'm so-- I'm so sorry. -What are you, crazy?

No, I, um, uh, let-let me get you new ones.

Can I get-- can I get two more of those, please?

-I'll cover... -I just bought these shoes.

Um, they're awesome, but I can-- you, do you want a scone?

Two. Two scones.

Can I get two scones, please?

(car horns honking)

(humming)

Arthur. Okay.

They said you came in.

All right.

-Yeah. -Wow.

Yeah, you know, back and ready to work.

Ah. Well, okay.

Uh, so let me just sit here, and we can talk about it.

Talk about it? What, what do you mean?

Maybe about whether you've had any, I don't know,

newsworthy moments recently?

Any dangerous, violent, wildly public encounters?

Maybe you could tell me what's in this briefcase here.

Uh, now don't...

Arthur, if I open this,

am I gonna see some kind of... bunny outfit?

No, you won't.

Good, good.

It's more of a moth outfit.

Moth-inspired.

I'm sorry, I just, I-I th-- I thought,

'cause of the helmet and the goggles,

that people wouldn't put it together.

I'm no specialist here, but perhaps if you chose

a superhero name that was different than your actual name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. That's-that's a good point.

Here's where we have a little problem, or not.

It's a choice, really.

Here at Fishladder & Sons,

we're simply not insured for your kind of hobby.

Hobby? It's not a hobby. I'm-I'm trying to help people.

People also need help with their taxes.

You know?

What I'm saying, Arthur, is you have to choose.

You can stay here and be part of the Fishladder team,

or you can be... whatever that is.

But you can't be both.

("Shine" by Cracker playing)

♪ You could never be ♪

♪ What you wanted to be ♪

♪ 'Cause, sweetheart, it takes time ♪

♪ Someday you're gonna shine ♪

♪ You'll see ♪

♪ Don't wanna talk about it ♪

♪ You come around to tell it ♪

♪ You're beautiful, can't you see? ♪

♪ Someday you're gonna shine ♪

(whoops)

-♪ Someday ♪ -(gasping)

♪ You're gonna shine. ♪

TICK: But enough about Arthur.

Let's talk about you.

Arthur's sister.

Or Dot.

Shouldn't you be out

in your cool white-and-red Dot-mobile?

My ambulance? Uh, yeah.

I, um... I called in. I took a sick day.

Not that I am.

I don't know. Um, yeah, so,

I called in, and then I just don't know what I'm doing.

So I decided to just come talk to Arthur.

Siblinghood. I grok it. More coffee?

(Tick gulping)

(exhales)

Well, he's at his workaday-Joe-job,

working on his secret identity.

-He'll be back at 6:00. -(Arthur yells)

Arthur?

(groaning)

Hey, guys.

-Arthur's back! -Oh!

Hey.

I decided to, uh, fly home.

Good gravy, you're back.

-Early. -Yeah, well, uh, Fishladder's

apparently doesn't like their employees being superheroes.

So... I quit my job.

Right on!

-Yes, Dot, I quit my job. -Okay.

(shouts) Don't hit me, please.

No, man, shake my big blue mitt!

You're in it all the way now, chum.

No secrets, no safety net.

All right, let's get on patrol.

I, uh, I just flew halfway across town.

I need to hydrate first. Can I meet you downstairs?

Copy that.

-Um... (clears throat) Arthur? -(door opens, closes)

Is he... is he hitting you?

No, no. No, no, no.

Well, yeah. I mean, he is,

but, you know, he's honing my danger reflex.

It's fine, it's different.

(water runs)

Look, Dot, um...

(exhales)

You should know that Tick and I

are gonna be superheroing together

-for the foreseeable future. -Yeah, I know. Tick told me.

And I don't want to hear from you about why that's a bad idea.

It's not.

Arthur, you were right.

I really think you are supposed to do something important.

Are you, are you feeling okay?

You don't really sound like you right now.

-I had this really weird day. -TICK: Arthur!

Kevin says we're losing daylight.

-I should go. -Yeah, I get it.

Uh... (clears throat)

Oh, God.

Sorry. Been a little jumpy.

You surprised me.

Did you break into my house?

Thought about waiting outside.

(grunts)

Didn't want to attract attention.

Have you been drinking?

No! (shouts)

Yes.

Well, our first patrol was a bit of a bust, I'm afraid.

Not one single wrongdoing being wrong-done.

Yeah, I'm just glad we made it to the bank before they closed.

-More paper, huh? -Yeah, well, now that I'm unemployed,

this paper is gonna have to last us for a while.

You know, Arthur,

you lost your job, your way of life, because of us.

I thought I'd be happy about it,

but I just feel all crinkly and hot inside.

Oh, Tick, come on, no. Don't feel crinkly.

This was all my fault.

The second I decided to tell those cops my real name,

all of this was bound to happen.

I just hope destiny hasn't forgotten about us.

Yeah, I don't think destiny could ever forget about you.

Thanks.

(murmuring indistinctly)

Hi. Uh, I'd like to deposit these.

Oh, hey, it's The Tick and Arthur.

I saw you guys on TV. Nice going, you know?

-Oh, thanks. -Thanks.

(tile cracking)

(beeping)

(snarling)

-Arthur Everest. -Yeah, that's, uh, me.

Letting it all hang out, huh? I like your style.

Oh, thanks.

I like his style, too.

-(guns cock) -(gasping)

(Boston accent): Okay, nobody move!

Everybody stay wicked still, this'll be over in a heartbeat.

Evildoers,

you face The Tick.

-Enough. -Aah!

(grunting)

Holy chowder.

We got company.

(loud bang)

Arthur, think quick!

-MAN: Get out of here! -(thudding footfalls)

(creature snarling)

(grunting)

Hey! Stop right there.

Hey, sport.

'Chout.

TICK: Whoa...

Tick. What is that thing?

I don't know, but I've almost unwrapped it.

Show yourself, you crusty fiend!

(snarls)

(screeches)

Okay.

-(screeching) -(grunting)

Hi-yah!

-Ha, ha! -(snarling)

Come back here.

Arthur, he went into the ladies' room!

Onward! Quickly, chum!

He's escaping.

What? But in the s-- in the sewer?

(sighs)

It was like déjà vu, but it wasn't.

For a second, I was sure that this guy

was just about to spill hot coffee on everyone.

So what did he do?

When you knocked it out of his hand?

Oh, he looked at me like I was crazy.

You're not crazy.

You're just processing.

The Terror shook all our cages.

I'm more than shook.

When I woke up this morning, everything felt different.

I didn't want to go to work.

I wanted to go shake The Terror's cage myself.

I wanted to go fight somebody.

I want to be the kind of person who can actually do something

about the way things are.

I know exactly how you feel.

What are you talking about?

You're Overkill.

You're, like, this...

international super danger man.

Not anymore.

What?

My effectiveness, as an operative,

it... it's been hamstrung, because of the warrior's code.

I've lost one of my central capacities, and I... it...

Doesn't matter. It's my problem.

-I'll deal with it. -Oh, come on.

You can tell me.

No. I've been trained to lock my problems in a mental glacier,

under a thousand tons of solid mind ice.

-Mind ice. -Yeah.

Sounds healthy.

Come on, fella!

ARTHUR: Yeah, just give me a minute.

You know, we just ran through, like, two miles of sewer.

More like five.

Oh, but did you see

all the spikes and claws and scratchy bits?

That super-villain was magnificent.

We must continue the hunt.

Yeah, we will, we will, okay? Just tomorrow.

It's late, and I'm tired and hungry and...

(groans) Oh, no.

(sighs)

Well, Joan, I think you can see where this is going.

Those little shits.

I am sure Joan will understand

when she hears about our cool new nemesis.

(Arthur gasps)

ARTHUR: Who-who are you?

Impressive tussle back there.

Homely invader, you face The Tick and Arthur.

Easy, big fella. I'm with AEGIS.

Agent Commander Ty Rathbone.

Ty... Ty Rathbone?

I wanted to put the old eyeball on you two.

See what all the hubbub is about.

Hub-hubbub about us?

Not many go against The Terror and get to tell the tale.

Not many people are us, secret agent man.

Seems like you two are putting up your superhero shingle

in this town. Is that correct?

Oh, we got shingles, pal.

Tick, Tick, this is Tyrannosaurus Rathbone.

He's the most decorated agent in AEGIS history.

He's... I mean, you're, you're the Ty Rathbone.

You're damn right.

City's been freed from The Terror.

It's open season. Criminals and crusaders

will be flooding in from all over.

Means we're reopening the local AEGIS branch.

Means we're reinstating The Flag Five.

There's gonna be a new Flag Five?

Son, you can bet your severely leotarded ass there is.

You two boys want to give it a shot,

you come by the office tomorrow, first thing.

Yeah, uh, definitely.

Definitely, we will, we will be there.

And get yourselves a new front door.

City's about to start jumping like a gerbil on a hot plate.

"Gerbil on a hot plate"?

No mi gusto.

Tick, I think that maybe...

I think that we've made it.