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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,851 --> 00:00:07,164 POODLE: Thank you all for coming. 2 00:00:07,305 --> 00:00:10,042 Your father and I have some big news 3 00:00:10,068 --> 00:00:11,870 that we thought you should hear in person. 4 00:00:11,902 --> 00:00:13,871 Right, yeah. Can we just take a second 5 00:00:13,905 --> 00:00:15,240 and discuss Christopher's teeth? 6 00:00:15,273 --> 00:00:16,474 Oh, you noticed those. 7 00:00:16,506 --> 00:00:18,309 Courtesy of the great state of Connecticut. 8 00:00:18,343 --> 00:00:19,778 They're really nice, Dad. 9 00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:21,246 Uh-huh. 10 00:00:21,279 --> 00:00:22,746 - Let's get back on track. - Yes. 11 00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:25,817 Um, Christopher, would you like to start? 12 00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:27,652 No, you go ahead. 13 00:00:27,685 --> 00:00:29,387 I really think you should tell them. 14 00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,056 Wait, are you guys having another baby? 15 00:00:31,088 --> 00:00:33,223 Oh. Ew. No. No, just... 16 00:00:33,256 --> 00:00:34,625 We're getting a divorce. 17 00:00:34,658 --> 00:00:35,601 - What?! - Okay. 18 00:00:35,625 --> 00:00:37,273 - Why? - Ugh. Well, I mean, 19 00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:38,829 not that you'd ever understand this, 20 00:00:38,862 --> 00:00:40,097 but marriage is very difficult. 21 00:00:40,131 --> 00:00:41,665 No, I mean why now? 22 00:00:41,698 --> 00:00:44,068 You live in separate prisons. Seems like a lot of paperwork. 23 00:00:44,101 --> 00:00:46,403 Mm, but we're a family. You're just gonna throw this all away? 24 00:00:46,436 --> 00:00:49,307 Well, I'm afraid there's more news. 25 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,276 Is it bad? I can't handle more bad. 26 00:00:51,308 --> 00:00:52,310 It's about you, Chip. 27 00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:54,311 Oh, God. I don't feel so good. 28 00:00:54,344 --> 00:00:55,612 Poodle, floor is yours. 29 00:00:55,646 --> 00:00:57,415 Really? I have to give both pieces of news? 30 00:00:57,447 --> 00:00:59,783 Well, considering the circumstances, 31 00:00:59,816 --> 00:01:01,085 I think you should take this one. 32 00:01:01,118 --> 00:01:02,686 Just frickin' lay it on me! 33 00:01:02,719 --> 00:01:04,254 (sighs) Fine. 34 00:01:04,287 --> 00:01:06,623 Chip, um, we just thought 35 00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:10,462 that you should know that your father... 36 00:01:10,495 --> 00:01:12,430 is not your father. 37 00:01:12,462 --> 00:01:15,366 What? Who's his real dad? 38 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,103 Some scumbag dick named Howard Buckley. 39 00:01:18,135 --> 00:01:19,470 All right, look, the point is 40 00:01:19,504 --> 00:01:20,638 this doesn't change anything, sweetie. 41 00:01:20,671 --> 00:01:21,706 SABRINA: Are you serious? 42 00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:23,174 - Kind of changes everything. - Okay. 43 00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:25,776 Can we all just show a little sensitivity here, please? 44 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:27,612 Poor kid just found out he's a bastard. 45 00:01:27,644 --> 00:01:29,013 How you doing, Chip? You okay? 46 00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:30,447 Ch-Chip? 47 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,283 Hello? 48 00:01:33,316 --> 00:01:35,185 (all gasp) 49 00:01:35,218 --> 00:01:38,022 Are you happy? 50 00:01:38,162 --> 00:01:39,691 Damn. That is heavy. 51 00:01:39,716 --> 00:01:40,818 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, poor kid. 52 00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:43,128 It was more bad news than his little tiny brain could handle. 53 00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:44,429 Mm-mm-mm-mm. 54 00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:53,972 Hey, pal. How you holding up? 55 00:01:54,004 --> 00:01:57,307 Just filling my bastard glass with some bastard juice. 56 00:01:57,341 --> 00:01:59,811 You know, maybe you should reach out to this Howard Buckley guy. 57 00:01:59,843 --> 00:02:02,513 No way. I'm not talking to that home-wrecker. 58 00:02:02,546 --> 00:02:04,348 Chip, when I was a little girl, 59 00:02:04,382 --> 00:02:06,350 I told my father that I hated him 60 00:02:06,383 --> 00:02:08,185 because he would not buy me a mango pop. 61 00:02:08,218 --> 00:02:12,156 And the next day, he was murdered. By a bus. 62 00:02:12,189 --> 00:02:13,490 CHIP: Alba, what does this story 63 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,060 have to do with me in any way? 64 00:02:15,092 --> 00:02:16,693 My dad didn't die. 65 00:02:16,727 --> 00:02:17,829 I have an extra dad. 66 00:02:17,861 --> 00:02:19,496 If anything, I have the opposite problem. 67 00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:21,366 Now if you'll excuse me, 68 00:02:21,399 --> 00:02:23,200 I'll be in my bastard room doing bastard things. 69 00:02:23,234 --> 00:02:25,670 - Yeah. - Mm. 70 00:02:25,703 --> 00:02:27,237 Messy. 71 00:02:27,270 --> 00:02:29,106 Your parents really let their screwed up relationship 72 00:02:29,139 --> 00:02:30,774 bone the whole family, huh? 73 00:02:30,807 --> 00:02:32,209 W-Well, yeah, but I mean, 74 00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:34,239 you're not exactly an expert on healthy relationships. 75 00:02:34,264 --> 00:02:35,222 Hey. 76 00:02:35,247 --> 00:02:37,115 - What's that supposed to mean? - Oh, come on, you and Jimmy 77 00:02:37,147 --> 00:02:38,615 are the most dysfunctional couple I've ever seen. 78 00:02:38,649 --> 00:02:41,089 You fight constantly, you're never affectionate. 79 00:02:41,114 --> 00:02:42,286 You burned his ass off. 80 00:02:42,319 --> 00:02:44,688 Yeah, those are, uh, th-those are ups and downs. 81 00:02:44,722 --> 00:02:46,123 Every relationship has them, but... 82 00:02:46,157 --> 00:02:47,759 You won't even call him your boyfriend. 83 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,060 He's not my boyfriend, that's why. 84 00:02:49,092 --> 00:02:50,461 He's my, he's my guy. Uh, look. 85 00:02:50,495 --> 00:02:51,962 I don't want to explain it to you. 86 00:02:51,996 --> 00:02:53,564 I don't need to explain it to you. 87 00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:55,600 Because Jimmy and I understand each other, and we're fine. 88 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:56,634 Well, hon, it's been a while 89 00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:57,735 since you two have been intimate. 90 00:02:57,768 --> 00:02:58,735 Damn it, Alba! 91 00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:00,771 You got to stop spying on us, okay. 92 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,907 I am not. 93 00:03:02,939 --> 00:03:04,442 You guys mind your business, all right. 94 00:03:04,474 --> 00:03:06,276 Jimmy and I are not the ones dragging everybody 95 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,711 through their messy divorce. 96 00:03:07,745 --> 00:03:09,914 What's divorce? 97 00:03:10,948 --> 00:03:14,286 Uh... Mick, you want to take this one? 98 00:03:17,487 --> 00:03:18,757 Damn it. 99 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,331 Chip. W-What are you doing? 100 00:03:27,365 --> 00:03:29,100 Nothing much. 101 00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:31,636 - Just burning some lies. - Wha...? 102 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,471 You're burning your baseball glove? 103 00:03:33,503 --> 00:03:36,473 I used to play catch with my dad all the time, but... 104 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,676 since I no longer have a dad, there's no point. 105 00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:42,447 Ah... 106 00:03:42,479 --> 00:03:45,015 Okay, oh. You need to see this. 107 00:03:45,049 --> 00:03:47,685 I googled your real father and it turns out 108 00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:48,919 he's a pretty decent guy. 109 00:03:48,953 --> 00:03:50,622 You know, h-he's a widower, 110 00:03:50,655 --> 00:03:52,257 and he just finished fourth in a 10k 111 00:03:52,289 --> 00:03:54,292 to raise awareness for lymphoma. 112 00:03:54,324 --> 00:03:56,860 I think you should know him. 113 00:03:56,894 --> 00:03:59,129 You know, when my father was on his deathbed, 114 00:03:59,163 --> 00:04:01,432 it took all the strength he had 115 00:04:01,464 --> 00:04:05,169 to open his eyes, and-and he looked up at me, 116 00:04:05,202 --> 00:04:08,205 - and he said, "I'm... - Damn! My dad's rich as balls! 117 00:04:08,238 --> 00:04:09,840 He owns an outdoor recreation company, 118 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,376 and he's worth half a billy? 119 00:04:11,408 --> 00:04:12,810 I'm back, baby! 120 00:04:12,843 --> 00:04:15,112 Their headquarters are in Stamford; it's ten minutes away. 121 00:04:15,146 --> 00:04:17,048 Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to take a look at the guy. 122 00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:18,449 Okay. Let's go. I will drive. 123 00:04:18,482 --> 00:04:21,119 - Okay. - Yeah. 124 00:04:21,151 --> 00:04:23,654 - (woman moaning) - Hey, Jimmy, listen, we need to talk... 125 00:04:23,687 --> 00:04:25,789 (grunts) 126 00:04:25,822 --> 00:04:27,224 What you doing? 127 00:04:27,257 --> 00:04:29,726 Nothing. You know, I was just reading the news. 128 00:04:29,759 --> 00:04:31,195 - Oh, you're reading the news... - Uh-huh. 129 00:04:31,228 --> 00:04:32,796 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. - Yeah. 130 00:04:32,829 --> 00:04:34,899 What's going on in the news? 131 00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:37,001 Well, uh, you know, I don't know, for starters: 132 00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:39,036 - the whole world's going to hell. - Oh, yeah. 133 00:04:39,069 --> 00:04:40,271 - You know, so there's that. - Yeah. 134 00:04:41,538 --> 00:04:42,507 What? 135 00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,242 Oh. 136 00:04:44,274 --> 00:04:45,676 - (laughing) - Yeah. You think I was... 137 00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:46,911 - Yeah... - Yeah, well, 138 00:04:46,944 --> 00:04:48,313 that's funny that you think that. 139 00:04:48,346 --> 00:04:50,937 - But I wasn't. - Okay. Um... can I borrow your computer? 140 00:04:50,962 --> 00:04:51,975 'Cause I got to check my e-mail. 141 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,977 No, I, see, I know what you're doing, okay? 142 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,006 Come on. 143 00:04:55,031 --> 00:04:57,322 And just so you know, I don't use a computer to do that, so... 144 00:04:57,355 --> 00:04:58,489 Right. Right. 145 00:04:58,521 --> 00:04:59,990 Why would I use a computer when I can just 146 00:05:00,024 --> 00:05:02,093 - think about you? - Oh, my God. 147 00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:03,560 - No, that's true. I do. - Eh. 148 00:05:03,593 --> 00:05:05,529 I think about you, all right? I do. Okay? 149 00:05:05,562 --> 00:05:06,997 Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. 150 00:05:07,031 --> 00:05:08,533 Maybe sometimes there are other people there. 151 00:05:08,565 --> 00:05:10,567 - Mm. - Well, I'm just saying, you know, 152 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,704 make my mind... it's like this gym. 153 00:05:13,737 --> 00:05:16,274 - Eh, um, sorry, a gym? - Yeah. 154 00:05:16,307 --> 00:05:17,908 And you're there. You're-you're running 155 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,543 around the track on the outside. 156 00:05:19,576 --> 00:05:21,012 I mean, sure, yeah, there are other people there. 157 00:05:21,045 --> 00:05:22,547 And they're-they're using the machines, 158 00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:24,414 and maybe I check them out for a sec, you know? 159 00:05:24,447 --> 00:05:26,416 Hmm, see what kind of exercises they're doing. 160 00:05:26,449 --> 00:05:29,887 But sure enough, you always come running back around. 161 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,189 And then I'm looking at you. 162 00:05:32,223 --> 00:05:33,391 And I'm in the middle. 163 00:05:33,423 --> 00:05:35,492 Tugging on it? 164 00:05:36,894 --> 00:05:38,629 No. I, uh, what... you're putting... 165 00:05:38,663 --> 00:05:40,598 - What're you doing, all right? - Yeah. 166 00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,132 'Cause you're coming in here like the NSA! 167 00:05:42,165 --> 00:05:43,634 You're demanding my hard drive! 168 00:05:43,668 --> 00:05:45,069 And now, you're sticking things in my mouth. 169 00:05:45,101 --> 00:05:46,236 Why are you yelling at me? 170 00:05:46,269 --> 00:05:47,639 Because I don't want you in here! 171 00:05:47,672 --> 00:05:49,040 I didn't come in here to fight with you. 172 00:05:49,072 --> 00:05:51,308 I actually came in 'cause I wanted to talk about us, 173 00:05:51,341 --> 00:05:52,976 but I've... yeah, th-the mood has passed, 174 00:05:53,009 --> 00:05:54,646 and I don't anymore, all right. 175 00:05:54,678 --> 00:05:57,181 Enjoy... your, uh, the news. 176 00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,654 (indistinct chatter) 177 00:06:07,791 --> 00:06:09,827 Daddy? 178 00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:12,341 Excuse me? Can I help you? 179 00:06:12,365 --> 00:06:13,900 Uh, no. 180 00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:15,969 (men chuckling) 181 00:06:16,002 --> 00:06:19,073 Just, uh, got to use the restroom. 182 00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,076 (chuckles nervously) 183 00:06:24,109 --> 00:06:26,011 That's a pretty big fish. 184 00:06:26,076 --> 00:06:27,378 Excuse me? 185 00:06:27,419 --> 00:06:29,889 The picture of you out front. So cool. 186 00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:32,457 Oh, the marlin. Right. 187 00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:35,461 You an intern or something? 188 00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:38,097 Uh, yeah, uh, I-I'm an intern. 189 00:06:38,130 --> 00:06:40,433 I'm here working for free, so... 190 00:06:40,465 --> 00:06:42,634 What are you, like, 14? 191 00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:44,869 Uh, I'm exactly 14. 192 00:06:44,902 --> 00:06:46,739 What are you, a frickin' psychic? 193 00:06:46,772 --> 00:06:48,441 I got a daughter your age. 194 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,943 Wish someone could instill that work ethic in her. 195 00:06:52,344 --> 00:06:54,546 Well, I'm big into ethics. 196 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,550 At school, they call me "Kid Ethics." 197 00:06:57,582 --> 00:06:59,337 Right. Well, I'm done draining. See you around. 198 00:06:59,361 --> 00:07:00,876 Uh-huh. 199 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,390 (chuckles) Didn't even wash his hands. 200 00:07:04,422 --> 00:07:05,924 Such a badass. 201 00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:08,460 So Mom and Dad still love us, 202 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,162 they just don't want to be married anymore? 203 00:07:10,195 --> 00:07:11,664 Yeah, you got it. Nice job, bud. 204 00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:13,504 Hey, uh, have you guys seen Mickey? 205 00:07:13,529 --> 00:07:14,667 I need to talk to her. 206 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,235 Are you getting a divorce? 207 00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:17,436 What? No. 208 00:07:17,469 --> 00:07:18,971 Why would you ask me that? 209 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,071 Because I heard you fighting 210 00:07:20,104 --> 00:07:21,506 and Sabrina said if you fight too much, 211 00:07:21,539 --> 00:07:22,974 you're gonna get divorced. 212 00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:24,676 You know what, Ben? With all due respect, 213 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,645 what Mickey and I have works for us, 214 00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:28,647 and we don't need to explain ourselves to you, 215 00:07:28,679 --> 00:07:29,814 or any other little kid. 216 00:07:29,847 --> 00:07:31,182 Why are you fighting? 217 00:07:31,215 --> 00:07:32,951 Because your aunt just walked in on me 218 00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:34,919 in the middle of r-reading the news. 219 00:07:34,953 --> 00:07:36,455 She caught you masturbating? 220 00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:37,755 - Gross. - No. 221 00:07:37,789 --> 00:07:40,325 What's that? 222 00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,794 - Have fun with that one. - No, I don't want to. 223 00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:44,597 Please tell me. I have to know. 224 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,499 What are the rules? Who's the master? 225 00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:47,933 Can I be the master? 226 00:07:47,965 --> 00:07:49,668 Teach me everything. 227 00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,837 - (man moaning) - Mick, I'm sorry I... 228 00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:54,205 - (buzzing stops) - Oh. 229 00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:57,376 What the hell is going on? 230 00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,144 - I'm masturbating. - And don't you dare 231 00:07:59,176 --> 00:08:00,879 tell me that you were reading the news, 232 00:08:00,912 --> 00:08:02,814 because we both know that's not true. 233 00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:04,282 No, I just told you, I'm masturbating. 234 00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:06,685 Aha! So you admit it? 235 00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:08,319 Yes, I've admitted it multiple times, 236 00:08:08,352 --> 00:08:10,355 and I was actually kind of ramping up to something, 237 00:08:10,388 --> 00:08:12,290 so if we could circle back to this in a couple minutes... 238 00:08:12,323 --> 00:08:13,792 I don't know who you are anymore, Mick. 239 00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,628 You're being so weird about all of this. 240 00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,962 It's not a big deal. 241 00:08:16,995 --> 00:08:18,563 It's betrayal, is what it is. 242 00:08:18,597 --> 00:08:21,332 I just walked in on you doing the exact same thing. 243 00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:23,468 First, you didn't grow up like I did. 244 00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:25,136 And guys do it because they're different. 245 00:08:25,169 --> 00:08:27,338 - How? - I'm a man, and I need it. 246 00:08:27,371 --> 00:08:29,174 You're a hypocrite, is what you are. 247 00:08:29,207 --> 00:08:30,876 At least I'm not a cheater. 248 00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:33,412 - (buzzing) - What's that? 249 00:08:33,444 --> 00:08:36,648 Sorry, it's just really hard to hear you. 250 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,851 (buzzing continues) 251 00:08:38,884 --> 00:08:40,286 - Shut the door. - (door closes) 252 00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,725 That is not fair. You promised! 253 00:08:46,757 --> 00:08:48,660 You're 14 years old. 254 00:08:48,693 --> 00:08:51,195 - You're not going to a concert alone. - Okay, that makes sense. 255 00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:53,831 I get punished because Lindsay got food poisoning? 256 00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:56,936 God, you are such a spineless dick! 257 00:08:58,703 --> 00:09:01,006 Urinal kid? What are you doing here? 258 00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:03,609 - So sorry. Wrong office. I-I got to... - Wait. 259 00:09:03,641 --> 00:09:04,776 Come here. 260 00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:10,448 What are you up to tonight? 261 00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:12,851 (chuckles) Me? Nothing. 262 00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,453 I-I mean, like, I'm super busy. 263 00:09:14,486 --> 00:09:16,388 I got a ton of stuff, but it can all move. 264 00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:18,122 You want to take my daughter to a concert? 265 00:09:18,155 --> 00:09:20,758 She's much nicer than that, I promise. 266 00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,560 What do you say? My treat. 267 00:09:22,593 --> 00:09:24,530 I don't know. I don't think that's such a good idea. 268 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:25,965 - R-Really. - Come on. You'd be doing me 269 00:09:25,997 --> 00:09:27,999 a really big favor, son. 270 00:09:30,079 --> 00:09:31,601 ALBA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 271 00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:33,539 Let me try to understand this. 272 00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:36,808 So, instead of telling your dad that you are his son, 273 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:39,477 you asked your sister out on a date? 274 00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:41,981 - Ugh. - No. He asked me. 275 00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:43,816 Chip, listen, I know you haven't had much luck 276 00:09:43,848 --> 00:09:45,818 with the ladies, but this is not the answer. 277 00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:48,153 You're just jealous because my new sister's hotter than you. 278 00:09:48,185 --> 00:09:49,387 Oh, you think I'm hot? 279 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,256 N... That's not what I said. 280 00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:54,460 No, you said I'm hot, she's hotter, 281 00:09:54,492 --> 00:09:57,261 - and we're both your sister, so... - Mm. 282 00:09:57,294 --> 00:09:59,231 You Buckleys are pretty creepy, huh? 283 00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:01,634 Shut up. At least we build companies and earn our money. 284 00:10:01,666 --> 00:10:04,135 We don't inherit and steal like your jailbird dad. 285 00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:05,404 Alba, let's go. 286 00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:07,106 - Okay, let me just finish. - Alba! 287 00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:08,107 I got to go! 288 00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,074 Okay! Okay. Ugh. 289 00:10:10,107 --> 00:10:12,777 Mmm. Ah. 290 00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,312 (sniffs) Don't worry. 291 00:10:14,346 --> 00:10:17,416 I will not let this night be tarnished by incest. 292 00:10:17,448 --> 00:10:19,517 What's incest? 293 00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:21,653 Okay. Ben? 294 00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,355 How about this: tonight, 295 00:10:23,387 --> 00:10:24,857 I'll answer all the questions you've got. 296 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,192 After that, never again. Deal? 297 00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:29,666 Deal. Now, tell me all about incest. 298 00:10:29,691 --> 00:10:30,962 Is it about bugs? 299 00:10:30,996 --> 00:10:32,530 I wish, buddy. 300 00:10:32,563 --> 00:10:33,765 (knocking on door) 301 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:34,933 JIMMY: What? 302 00:10:34,966 --> 00:10:36,501 It's me. Can I come in? 303 00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:37,870 Fine. 304 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:40,339 I'm opening the door, slowly. 305 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,381 Hey. 306 00:10:49,747 --> 00:10:52,050 What's going on with us? 307 00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,053 I don't know, man. 308 00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:55,788 We've been in this rut for a while, 309 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,524 and then Sabrina and Alba start chirping in my ear. 310 00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,693 Yeah, little Ben really spun me out, too. 311 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,461 - Did he? - Yeah. 312 00:11:02,493 --> 00:11:04,295 You know what, who cares? Why are we listening to them? 313 00:11:04,328 --> 00:11:05,698 - I don't know. - They don't get us. 314 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,866 No, they don't. Because what we have is different. 315 00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:09,668 That's what I keep saying. It's different. 316 00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:10,836 Yeah, it is. 317 00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:12,470 - Yeah. - Yeah. 318 00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:14,507 Yeah. 319 00:11:16,908 --> 00:11:19,510 Look, I can never unburn your ass. 320 00:11:19,544 --> 00:11:20,712 I know that. 321 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,213 What do you say we start over? 322 00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:25,818 Okay. 323 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,653 - Yeah? - Yeah. 324 00:11:27,685 --> 00:11:29,687 I'm Jimmy. 325 00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:32,825 And if you're not doing anything later, I'd like to take you out. 326 00:11:32,857 --> 00:11:34,693 I would like that. 327 00:11:34,726 --> 00:11:37,062 What's... what's that? 328 00:11:37,095 --> 00:11:38,497 It was a... 329 00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,057 Yeah, it's like a weird, old-timey... 330 00:11:40,082 --> 00:11:41,165 - You... - ...thing. I don't like it. 331 00:11:41,198 --> 00:11:42,568 - Bad move. - Yeah. It's okay. 332 00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,581 - Okay. - Okay. 333 00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:49,294 (laughs softly) 334 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:53,265 - Stuff on the walls. - Man, when was the last time you 335 00:11:53,298 --> 00:11:54,866 had a patty mel... What's up? 336 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:57,736 What... no, sorry. Um, what? 337 00:11:57,769 --> 00:11:59,638 No, you were talking about walls? 338 00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:02,206 Yeah, well, they got just an old hockey stick over there. 339 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,543 Looks like it's seen a lot of games. 340 00:12:04,576 --> 00:12:06,245 - Yeah. I see it. - Yeah. 341 00:12:06,278 --> 00:12:07,880 - Neat. - Right? 342 00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:09,815 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 343 00:12:09,847 --> 00:12:11,616 - So, uh, what's going on? - Hmm? 344 00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:13,584 - What's new? - Mm... 345 00:12:13,617 --> 00:12:15,669 Um, ooh! There was something I was gonna remember to tell you. 346 00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,890 - Yeah? Like a dream you had? - Oh, no, it wasn't a dream. 347 00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:19,825 - Oh, like, a YouTube video? - No. 348 00:12:19,857 --> 00:12:21,159 - A show? You guys watching shows? - It's actually... 349 00:12:21,193 --> 00:12:22,727 Thank you. It's not helpful when you talk, though. 350 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:23,928 - Okay. - Because... no, just with the... 351 00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:25,429 - it's hard for me to think of it. - Right. 352 00:12:25,462 --> 00:12:27,265 I can't remember. 353 00:12:27,299 --> 00:12:30,780 - Well, they have a deep fryer... - Oh, they got croquet mallets. 354 00:12:30,836 --> 00:12:32,389 It's... oh, another wall thing to look at? 355 00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:33,451 Yeah. 356 00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:34,573 - What's going on? - I don't know. 357 00:12:34,606 --> 00:12:36,607 - This is weird, right? Why are we so off? - Yeah. 358 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,745 Maybe we should get some drinks. 359 00:12:39,778 --> 00:12:41,446 - Of course we need drinks. - Yeah. 360 00:12:41,478 --> 00:12:43,347 - What are we doing without drinks? - I don't know. 361 00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:44,916 Hey, can we get a couple beers over here, please? 362 00:12:44,949 --> 00:12:46,117 - Yeah, a couple shots, too. - Yeah, 363 00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,486 and I'll take the wine list. 364 00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:49,188 - Yeah, ooh. - Yeah, right? 365 00:12:52,156 --> 00:12:53,758 (doorbell rings) 366 00:12:53,792 --> 00:12:56,261 Urinal kid, come on in. 367 00:12:56,294 --> 00:12:58,163 Good to see you. Kelly will be right down. 368 00:12:58,196 --> 00:12:59,598 Ah, tell her to take her time. 369 00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:01,265 Happy to hang here with you. 370 00:13:01,299 --> 00:13:03,968 Name's Chip, by the way, not "urinal kid." 371 00:13:04,114 --> 00:13:06,269 Chip. Might want to change that 372 00:13:06,294 --> 00:13:08,207 to a man's name when puberty hits. 373 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,609 Oh, yeah, totally. Hate my name, always have. 374 00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:12,276 Even before just now. 375 00:13:12,309 --> 00:13:14,313 I'm just messing with you. It's a fine name. 376 00:13:14,346 --> 00:13:16,148 Ah! I'm just messing with you, back. 377 00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:18,282 - What a fun exchange. - Come on, let's go. 378 00:13:18,316 --> 00:13:20,018 - Uh, you sure? No rush. - (door opens) 379 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,520 I'm happy to keep talking to Dad... y-your dad. 380 00:13:22,553 --> 00:13:23,722 You guys have fun. 381 00:13:23,755 --> 00:13:25,057 Back by midnight, okay? 382 00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:26,358 I'm serious. 383 00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:30,495 So, uh, who's playing tonight? 384 00:13:30,528 --> 00:13:31,830 I frickin' love music. 385 00:13:31,862 --> 00:13:33,364 Oh, no, we're not going to the concert. 386 00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:36,201 This guy I like has a house to himself, and he invited me over. 387 00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:38,336 So you can just drop me there or whatever. 388 00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:40,806 - But, I-I promised your dad... - I don't care. 389 00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:42,473 And if you say anything to my dad, 390 00:13:42,506 --> 00:13:44,075 I will tell him you whipped it out. 391 00:13:44,108 --> 00:13:46,344 Whoa, whoa! What? No, calm down. 392 00:13:46,377 --> 00:13:48,347 Nobody's whipping anything out. 393 00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,582 Driver, we need to change our drop-off. 394 00:13:50,615 --> 00:13:52,517 Uh, yeah, but, sir, 395 00:13:52,549 --> 00:13:54,919 uh, shouldn't you stick to the original plan for the evening? 396 00:13:54,952 --> 00:13:56,988 Wait, w-why is our Uber driver talking to us? 397 00:13:57,021 --> 00:13:59,190 (scoffs) Yeah, butt out, lady, 398 00:13:59,223 --> 00:14:01,058 or I'll hit you with a frickin' one star. 399 00:14:01,092 --> 00:14:04,563 - (chuckles softly) - Huh. 400 00:14:04,596 --> 00:14:07,432 - (burps) - (laughs) 401 00:14:07,465 --> 00:14:09,501 MICKEY: You did not see the Beatles in concert. 402 00:14:09,526 --> 00:14:11,736 - I did. It was a secret show. - So stupid. 403 00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:14,239 Oh, what... hey, can we get another round, please? 404 00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:17,541 Why don't you just focus on this round for now? 405 00:14:17,574 --> 00:14:19,188 - (scoffs) Oh, yeah? - Oh... 406 00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:20,555 I smell a challenge. 407 00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:21,913 - Is that what it was? - (burps): Yeah. 408 00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:23,347 Oh, guess what? 409 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:24,817 Challenge accepted. 410 00:14:28,086 --> 00:14:29,621 (gags, coughing) 411 00:14:29,654 --> 00:14:31,188 BARTENDER: All right, that's it. 412 00:14:31,222 --> 00:14:32,691 - Time to close out. - (Mickey retching) 413 00:14:32,723 --> 00:14:33,791 Why? 414 00:14:33,824 --> 00:14:35,459 What? Why? 415 00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:36,460 You just puked in your glass. 416 00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:37,963 No, I didn't. 417 00:14:37,996 --> 00:14:40,631 (slurring): I was just taking a break from finishing it. 418 00:14:40,664 --> 00:14:41,866 I watched you. 419 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:44,468 Oh, I don't think I like your tone. 420 00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:47,705 If the lady says she didn't vomit, she didn't vomit. 421 00:14:47,739 --> 00:14:49,308 I'm just telling you what I saw. 422 00:14:49,341 --> 00:14:51,143 Yeah, well, maybe you need to get your eyes checked, 423 00:14:51,175 --> 00:14:55,079 because what I see is a nice, crisp beer. 424 00:14:55,112 --> 00:14:56,414 - Dude, don't. - MICKEY: Jimmy, I really wouldn't. 425 00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:59,150 Why? If I'm thirsty, why wouldn't I drink a beer? 426 00:14:59,183 --> 00:15:00,618 I would... (gags) 427 00:15:04,322 --> 00:15:05,557 (exhales) 428 00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:07,125 That's good. 429 00:15:07,158 --> 00:15:08,961 It was a little hoppy, but I think somebody 430 00:15:08,994 --> 00:15:10,796 owes the lady an apology. 431 00:15:12,463 --> 00:15:14,299 BARTENDER: Ugh... 432 00:15:14,332 --> 00:15:16,001 Whoa, whoa, hey, uh, whoa. 433 00:15:16,034 --> 00:15:17,903 You come back again, and I'm calling the cops. 434 00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:20,104 - Oh, ooh. - Would we want to come back? 435 00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:22,640 - (laughs) Your bar smells like puke. - (door closes) 436 00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:24,643 (both chuckle) 437 00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:27,979 - He doesn't get us. - Nobody gets us. 438 00:15:28,012 --> 00:15:29,513 Thanks for that, by the way. 439 00:15:29,547 --> 00:15:31,984 - Oh, you like that, do you? - No, it was gross. 440 00:15:32,016 --> 00:15:34,819 I don't like it. I don't want... ever want you to do it again. 441 00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:36,287 But for a second there, you know, 442 00:15:36,321 --> 00:15:37,956 when you were dressing that guy down? 443 00:15:37,989 --> 00:15:39,091 I like that. 444 00:15:39,124 --> 00:15:40,692 - Yeah? - Mm-hmm. 445 00:15:40,725 --> 00:15:43,295 Well, what do you say we head back to the house and... 446 00:15:43,327 --> 00:15:45,429 read the news? 447 00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:47,131 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 448 00:15:47,164 --> 00:15:49,168 Why do we need a house? 449 00:15:56,374 --> 00:15:57,509 CHIP: It's almost midnight. 450 00:15:57,542 --> 00:15:59,144 What the frick is going on in there? 451 00:15:59,177 --> 00:16:01,646 Aw, Chip, come on, buddy. 452 00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:03,682 CHIP: I'm gonna go scope it out. 453 00:16:12,856 --> 00:16:16,461 JORDAN: Hey, Jenna, what's up, babe? 454 00:16:16,494 --> 00:16:18,529 No, I'm not busy. 455 00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:20,731 Cool, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me a few minutes to, 456 00:16:20,765 --> 00:16:22,701 - uh, take out the trash. - (Chip mouths) 457 00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:24,736 See you soon, gorgeous. 458 00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:34,145 - Hey, what took you so long? - Ah... 459 00:16:34,178 --> 00:16:36,347 That was my mom. She's gonna be home pretty soon. 460 00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:37,716 Oh. Okay. (clicks tongue) 461 00:16:37,749 --> 00:16:39,217 - I'll call a car. - No, no, no. 462 00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,019 I-I didn't mean... We can still, you know. 463 00:16:41,052 --> 00:16:42,421 We just got to be quick. 464 00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:43,755 Oh, okay. 465 00:16:43,788 --> 00:16:46,091 Liar! He is a liar. 466 00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:47,325 - He's a... - Who the hell are you? 467 00:16:47,357 --> 00:16:48,926 What the hell are you doing in here? 468 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,194 That wasn't his mom on the phone. 469 00:16:50,228 --> 00:16:51,897 It was Jenna. She's on her way now. 470 00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:54,399 You're kicking me out for Jenna? 471 00:16:54,432 --> 00:16:56,068 Ah, God. 472 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,069 Whatever. It's not like we're dating, anyways. 473 00:16:58,103 --> 00:17:00,005 You said you liked me, you ass. 474 00:17:00,038 --> 00:17:02,741 All right, if you're gonna be a bitch, 475 00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,241 then you should just go. 476 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,210 Whoa. You want to disrespect me? Fine. 477 00:17:06,243 --> 00:17:07,545 But you will not disrespect her, 478 00:17:07,578 --> 00:17:08,946 and you will certainly not disrespect 479 00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:10,982 Howard frickin' Buckley! 480 00:17:13,218 --> 00:17:15,020 (crying): He didn't have to disrespect me like that. 481 00:17:15,052 --> 00:17:17,121 Oh, forget that jerk. 482 00:17:17,154 --> 00:17:21,593 Um, thank you for, uh, having my back. 483 00:17:21,626 --> 00:17:23,260 You're sweet. (chuckles) 484 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,029 Yeah, I'll always have your back. 485 00:17:25,062 --> 00:17:26,897 No matter what. 486 00:17:26,931 --> 00:17:28,299 You shouldn't be wasting your time 487 00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:29,701 on a creep like that anyways. 488 00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:33,070 I mean, you're... you're pretty, 489 00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:36,008 you're smart, super frickin' chill... 490 00:17:39,176 --> 00:17:40,779 No, no, no. It's... 491 00:17:40,811 --> 00:17:42,414 We can't. I-It's not... 492 00:17:42,446 --> 00:17:44,049 it's not... it's not you. 493 00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:45,549 - I just... I want... - Okay, okay. Hey, Chip. Chip. 494 00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:46,651 Relax. 495 00:17:46,683 --> 00:17:47,952 It'll be worth it. 496 00:17:47,985 --> 00:17:49,320 I promise. 497 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:53,925 What the hell. 498 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,930 - (horn honking repeatedly) - ALBA: Chip! No! 499 00:17:58,962 --> 00:18:01,398 - No, we can't. It's not right. - Okay, okay. Wh-What's wrong? 500 00:18:01,432 --> 00:18:03,501 I-I got to tell you something, something crazy. 501 00:18:03,535 --> 00:18:05,938 All right. What is it? 502 00:18:07,605 --> 00:18:09,641 (sighs) 14 years ago, 503 00:18:09,674 --> 00:18:12,344 my mom had an affair with your dad. 504 00:18:13,978 --> 00:18:16,281 I am the bastard love child of that affair. 505 00:18:16,314 --> 00:18:18,583 What are you talking about? 506 00:18:18,616 --> 00:18:20,952 Kelly, I'm your brother. 507 00:18:20,984 --> 00:18:22,319 - What? - Look, I know 508 00:18:22,353 --> 00:18:24,256 - it sounds crazy... Aah! - No! 509 00:18:24,289 --> 00:18:26,458 No, I... I don't know what you're talking about, 510 00:18:26,491 --> 00:18:28,827 b-but you're psycho, and just stay away from me, weirdo! 511 00:18:28,859 --> 00:18:31,529 (low gasping) 512 00:18:31,562 --> 00:18:33,631 - Ow! Ah, no, the pipes. - You all right? You okay? 513 00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:35,099 You know what, how about this, how about this: 514 00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,102 - you just put your head down, okay? - Okay. Ow! 515 00:18:37,135 --> 00:18:38,202 - You okay? - Hold still. 516 00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:39,270 - You hold still. - MICKEY: Ow! 517 00:18:39,304 --> 00:18:41,273 - JIMMY: Whoa! - Hey! 518 00:18:41,306 --> 00:18:43,642 - What's going on? - Hey, mind your own business, pal. 519 00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:44,975 Hey, get off of her! 520 00:18:45,009 --> 00:18:47,378 - Yeah, you like assaulting women? - No, no, no. No! 521 00:18:47,412 --> 00:18:49,780 - (grunts) - MICKEY: Oh! Oh! 522 00:18:49,814 --> 00:18:51,283 Aah! Oh! 523 00:18:51,316 --> 00:18:53,518 - Yeah, man! We got you. - Guys, stop! No! Oh! 524 00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:56,855 No, no, wait, wait, wait! It was consensual! 525 00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,924 - MAN: Son of a bitch! - Oh! 526 00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,290 (Chip grunting, wheezing) 527 00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:06,056 ALBA: Chip! 528 00:19:06,099 --> 00:19:09,836 At this point, no good can come from knowing this man! 529 00:19:09,870 --> 00:19:11,231 I'm sorry, I'm so sor... 530 00:19:11,256 --> 00:19:12,214 - (crying) - I can explain. 531 00:19:12,239 --> 00:19:13,941 You whipped it out in front of my daughter? 532 00:19:13,973 --> 00:19:15,809 - Whoa, what? No! - You're fired. 533 00:19:15,843 --> 00:19:17,809 Well, I never... really worked there. 534 00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:19,099 I was just kind of saying that... 535 00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:20,224 - to meet you. - See? I told you. 536 00:19:20,256 --> 00:19:22,792 - This kid is a freak! - Get the hell out of my house. 537 00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:24,594 Pamela Pemberton. 538 00:19:24,628 --> 00:19:26,964 - What? - 14 years ago, you... 539 00:19:26,996 --> 00:19:29,265 you slept with a woman named Pamela Pemberton. 540 00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:32,269 - Poodle? - Th-That's my mom. 541 00:19:32,302 --> 00:19:34,405 I'm... your son. 542 00:19:34,437 --> 00:19:35,840 (exhales) 543 00:19:38,007 --> 00:19:40,477 Stay the hell away from me and my family. 544 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,783 Alba, you blew it! 545 00:19:45,815 --> 00:19:47,951 - So, what did we learn? - That brothers and sisters 546 00:19:47,984 --> 00:19:50,588 shouldn't kiss, because it's icky and gross. 547 00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:53,224 And their babies would have all sorts of health problems. 548 00:19:53,256 --> 00:19:54,591 Where do babies come from? 549 00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:55,960 Huh. Kind of feels like 550 00:19:55,993 --> 00:19:57,828 we should've covered that earlier. 551 00:19:57,860 --> 00:19:59,796 Where do babies live before they're babies? 552 00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,665 How old's the oldest baby? 553 00:20:01,697 --> 00:20:04,001 It's gonna be really fun to see how you turn out. 554 00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:05,268 (chuckles) 555 00:20:05,302 --> 00:20:08,138 - So he's your boyfriend? - He... no, I, see, he... 556 00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:09,472 It's complicated. 557 00:20:09,505 --> 00:20:11,407 So what happened was consensual? 558 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,409 Yes. It was my idea. 559 00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:16,247 Do you need a place to stay tonight? 560 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,282 - We can take you to a shelter. - I don't want to go to a shel... 561 00:20:19,315 --> 00:20:21,651 I will have you know I live in a mansion, okay? 562 00:20:21,685 --> 00:20:24,455 (stammers) It doesn't... Can you just please uncuff him? 563 00:20:24,487 --> 00:20:25,922 Thank you. 564 00:20:25,955 --> 00:20:28,458 (indistinct police radio transmission) 565 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,563 Be a little smarter next time. 566 00:20:36,867 --> 00:20:38,735 (engine starts) 567 00:20:40,971 --> 00:20:42,807 (siren chirps) 568 00:20:48,544 --> 00:20:51,014 How did we get here? 569 00:20:51,048 --> 00:20:52,850 Oh, I don't know. 570 00:20:52,882 --> 00:20:54,951 I mean, I remember driving, but I don't know 571 00:20:54,984 --> 00:20:56,853 - where I parked, so... - No. No, I mean, 572 00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,556 I'm talking about our relationship. 573 00:20:58,589 --> 00:21:00,523 It's just not healthy. 574 00:21:00,557 --> 00:21:02,359 I know. 575 00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:05,495 You know, we keep saying that... 576 00:21:05,529 --> 00:21:08,365 nobody gets us, but... 577 00:21:08,398 --> 00:21:10,600 maybe we don't get us. 578 00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:14,571 ♪ ♪ 579 00:21:18,507 --> 00:21:20,410 We had a good run, Mick. 580 00:21:21,911 --> 00:21:23,880 Yeah, we did. 581 00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:31,487 Like the Patriots in the early 2000s. 582 00:21:31,521 --> 00:21:35,026 Can we just sit and... enjoy the silence for a little bit? 583 00:21:36,592 --> 00:21:38,329 You got it, Mick. 584 00:21:38,407 --> 00:21:42,843 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 42341

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