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1
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POODLE: Thank you all for coming.
2
00:00:07,305 --> 00:00:10,042
Your father and I have some big news
3
00:00:10,068 --> 00:00:11,870
that we thought you
should hear in person.
4
00:00:11,902 --> 00:00:13,871
Right, yeah. Can we just take a second
5
00:00:13,905 --> 00:00:15,240
and discuss Christopher's teeth?
6
00:00:15,273 --> 00:00:16,474
Oh, you noticed those.
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Courtesy of the great
state of Connecticut.
8
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They're really nice, Dad.
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Uh-huh.
10
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- Let's get back on track.
- Yes.
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00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:25,817
Um, Christopher, would
you like to start?
12
00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:27,652
No, you go ahead.
13
00:00:27,685 --> 00:00:29,387
I really think you should tell them.
14
00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,056
Wait, are you guys having another baby?
15
00:00:31,088 --> 00:00:33,223
Oh. Ew. No. No, just...
16
00:00:33,256 --> 00:00:34,625
We're getting a divorce.
17
00:00:34,658 --> 00:00:35,601
- What?!
- Okay.
18
00:00:35,625 --> 00:00:37,273
- Why?
- Ugh. Well, I mean,
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00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:38,829
not that you'd ever understand this,
20
00:00:38,862 --> 00:00:40,097
but marriage is very difficult.
21
00:00:40,131 --> 00:00:41,665
No, I mean why now?
22
00:00:41,698 --> 00:00:44,068
You live in separate prisons.
Seems like a lot of paperwork.
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00:00:44,101 --> 00:00:46,403
Mm, but we're a family. You're
just gonna throw this all away?
24
00:00:46,436 --> 00:00:49,307
Well, I'm afraid there's more news.
25
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,276
Is it bad? I can't handle more bad.
26
00:00:51,308 --> 00:00:52,310
It's about you, Chip.
27
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:54,311
Oh, God. I don't feel so good.
28
00:00:54,344 --> 00:00:55,612
Poodle, floor is yours.
29
00:00:55,646 --> 00:00:57,415
Really? I have to give
both pieces of news?
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00:00:57,447 --> 00:00:59,783
Well, considering the circumstances,
31
00:00:59,816 --> 00:01:01,085
I think you should take this one.
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00:01:01,118 --> 00:01:02,686
Just frickin' lay it on me!
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(sighs) Fine.
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00:01:04,287 --> 00:01:06,623
Chip, um, we just thought
35
00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:10,462
that you should know that your father...
36
00:01:10,495 --> 00:01:12,430
is not your father.
37
00:01:12,462 --> 00:01:15,366
What? Who's his real dad?
38
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,103
Some scumbag dick named Howard Buckley.
39
00:01:18,135 --> 00:01:19,470
All right, look, the point is
40
00:01:19,504 --> 00:01:20,638
this doesn't change anything, sweetie.
41
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SABRINA: Are you serious?
42
00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:23,174
- Kind of changes everything.
- Okay.
43
00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:25,776
Can we all just show a little
sensitivity here, please?
44
00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:27,612
Poor kid just found out he's a bastard.
45
00:01:27,644 --> 00:01:29,013
How you doing, Chip? You okay?
46
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:30,447
Ch-Chip?
47
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,283
Hello?
48
00:01:33,316 --> 00:01:35,185
(all gasp)
49
00:01:35,218 --> 00:01:38,022
Are you happy?
50
00:01:38,162 --> 00:01:39,691
Damn. That is heavy.
51
00:01:39,716 --> 00:01:40,818
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, poor kid.
52
00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:43,128
It was more bad news than his
little tiny brain could handle.
53
00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:44,429
Mm-mm-mm-mm.
54
00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:53,972
Hey, pal. How you holding up?
55
00:01:54,004 --> 00:01:57,307
Just filling my bastard
glass with some bastard juice.
56
00:01:57,341 --> 00:01:59,811
You know, maybe you should reach
out to this Howard Buckley guy.
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00:01:59,843 --> 00:02:02,513
No way. I'm not talking
to that home-wrecker.
58
00:02:02,546 --> 00:02:04,348
Chip, when I was a little girl,
59
00:02:04,382 --> 00:02:06,350
I told my father that I hated him
60
00:02:06,383 --> 00:02:08,185
because he would not buy me a mango pop.
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00:02:08,218 --> 00:02:12,156
And the next day, he
was murdered. By a bus.
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00:02:12,189 --> 00:02:13,490
CHIP: Alba, what does this story
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00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,060
have to do with me in any way?
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00:02:15,092 --> 00:02:16,693
My dad didn't die.
65
00:02:16,727 --> 00:02:17,829
I have an extra dad.
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00:02:17,861 --> 00:02:19,496
If anything, I have
the opposite problem.
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00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:21,366
Now if you'll excuse me,
68
00:02:21,399 --> 00:02:23,200
I'll be in my bastard
room doing bastard things.
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00:02:23,234 --> 00:02:25,670
- Yeah.
- Mm.
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00:02:25,703 --> 00:02:27,237
Messy.
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00:02:27,270 --> 00:02:29,106
Your parents really let
their screwed up relationship
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00:02:29,139 --> 00:02:30,774
bone the whole family, huh?
73
00:02:30,807 --> 00:02:32,209
W-Well, yeah, but I mean,
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00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:34,239
you're not exactly an expert
on healthy relationships.
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00:02:34,264 --> 00:02:35,222
Hey.
76
00:02:35,247 --> 00:02:37,115
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on, you and Jimmy
77
00:02:37,147 --> 00:02:38,615
are the most dysfunctional
couple I've ever seen.
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00:02:38,649 --> 00:02:41,089
You fight constantly,
you're never affectionate.
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00:02:41,114 --> 00:02:42,286
You burned his ass off.
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00:02:42,319 --> 00:02:44,688
Yeah, those are, uh,
th-those are ups and downs.
81
00:02:44,722 --> 00:02:46,123
Every relationship has them, but...
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You won't even call him your boyfriend.
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00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,060
He's not my boyfriend, that's why.
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00:02:49,092 --> 00:02:50,461
He's my, he's my guy. Uh, look.
85
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I don't want to explain it to you.
86
00:02:51,996 --> 00:02:53,564
I don't need to explain it to you.
87
00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:55,600
Because Jimmy and I understand
each other, and we're fine.
88
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:56,634
Well, hon, it's been a while
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00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:57,735
since you two have been intimate.
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00:02:57,768 --> 00:02:58,735
Damn it, Alba!
91
00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:00,771
You got to stop spying on us, okay.
92
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:02,907
I am not.
93
00:03:02,939 --> 00:03:04,442
You guys mind your business, all right.
94
00:03:04,474 --> 00:03:06,276
Jimmy and I are not the
ones dragging everybody
95
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,711
through their messy divorce.
96
00:03:07,745 --> 00:03:09,914
What's divorce?
97
00:03:10,948 --> 00:03:14,286
Uh... Mick, you want to take this one?
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Damn it.
99
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,331
Chip. W-What are you doing?
100
00:03:27,365 --> 00:03:29,100
Nothing much.
101
00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:31,636
- Just burning some lies.
- Wha...?
102
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,471
You're burning your baseball glove?
103
00:03:33,503 --> 00:03:36,473
I used to play catch with
my dad all the time, but...
104
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,676
since I no longer have
a dad, there's no point.
105
00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:42,447
Ah...
106
00:03:42,479 --> 00:03:45,015
Okay, oh. You need to see this.
107
00:03:45,049 --> 00:03:47,685
I googled your real
father and it turns out
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00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:48,919
he's a pretty decent guy.
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00:03:48,953 --> 00:03:50,622
You know, h-he's a widower,
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00:03:50,655 --> 00:03:52,257
and he just finished fourth in a 10k
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00:03:52,289 --> 00:03:54,292
to raise awareness for lymphoma.
112
00:03:54,324 --> 00:03:56,860
I think you should know him.
113
00:03:56,894 --> 00:03:59,129
You know, when my father
was on his deathbed,
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00:03:59,163 --> 00:04:01,432
it took all the strength he had
115
00:04:01,464 --> 00:04:05,169
to open his eyes, and-and
he looked up at me,
116
00:04:05,202 --> 00:04:08,205
- and he said, "I'm...
- Damn! My dad's rich as balls!
117
00:04:08,238 --> 00:04:09,840
He owns an outdoor recreation company,
118
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,376
and he's worth half a billy?
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00:04:11,408 --> 00:04:12,810
I'm back, baby!
120
00:04:12,843 --> 00:04:15,112
Their headquarters are in
Stamford; it's ten minutes away.
121
00:04:15,146 --> 00:04:17,048
Well, I guess it couldn't
hurt to take a look at the guy.
122
00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:18,449
Okay. Let's go. I will drive.
123
00:04:18,482 --> 00:04:21,119
- Okay.
- Yeah.
124
00:04:21,151 --> 00:04:23,654
- (woman moaning)
- Hey, Jimmy, listen, we need to talk...
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(grunts)
126
00:04:25,822 --> 00:04:27,224
What you doing?
127
00:04:27,257 --> 00:04:29,726
Nothing. You know, I was
just reading the news.
128
00:04:29,759 --> 00:04:31,195
- Oh, you're reading the news...
- Uh-huh.
129
00:04:31,228 --> 00:04:32,796
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
- Yeah.
130
00:04:32,829 --> 00:04:34,899
What's going on in the news?
131
00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:37,001
Well, uh, you know,
I don't know, for starters:
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00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:39,036
- the whole world's going to hell.
- Oh, yeah.
133
00:04:39,069 --> 00:04:40,271
- You know, so there's that.
- Yeah.
134
00:04:41,538 --> 00:04:42,507
What?
135
00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,242
Oh.
136
00:04:44,274 --> 00:04:45,676
- (laughing)
- Yeah. You think I was...
137
00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:46,911
- Yeah...
- Yeah, well,
138
00:04:46,944 --> 00:04:48,313
that's funny that you think that.
139
00:04:48,346 --> 00:04:50,937
- But I wasn't.
- Okay. Um... can I borrow your computer?
140
00:04:50,962 --> 00:04:51,975
'Cause I got to check my e-mail.
141
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,977
No, I, see, I know
what you're doing, okay?
142
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,006
Come on.
143
00:04:55,031 --> 00:04:57,322
And just so you know, I don't
use a computer to do that, so...
144
00:04:57,355 --> 00:04:58,489
Right. Right.
145
00:04:58,521 --> 00:04:59,990
Why would I use a
computer when I can just
146
00:05:00,024 --> 00:05:02,093
- think about you?
- Oh, my God.
147
00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:03,560
- No, that's true. I do.
- Eh.
148
00:05:03,593 --> 00:05:05,529
I think about you,
all right? I do. Okay?
149
00:05:05,562 --> 00:05:06,997
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
150
00:05:07,031 --> 00:05:08,533
Maybe sometimes there
are other people there.
151
00:05:08,565 --> 00:05:10,567
- Mm.
- Well, I'm just saying, you know,
152
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,704
make my mind... it's like this gym.
153
00:05:13,737 --> 00:05:16,274
- Eh, um, sorry, a gym?
- Yeah.
154
00:05:16,307 --> 00:05:17,908
And you're there. You're-you're running
155
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,543
around the track on the outside.
156
00:05:19,576 --> 00:05:21,012
I mean, sure, yeah, there
are other people there.
157
00:05:21,045 --> 00:05:22,547
And they're-they're using the machines,
158
00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:24,414
and maybe I check them
out for a sec, you know?
159
00:05:24,447 --> 00:05:26,416
Hmm, see what kind of
exercises they're doing.
160
00:05:26,449 --> 00:05:29,887
But sure enough, you always
come running back around.
161
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,189
And then I'm looking at you.
162
00:05:32,223 --> 00:05:33,391
And I'm in the middle.
163
00:05:33,423 --> 00:05:35,492
Tugging on it?
164
00:05:36,894 --> 00:05:38,629
No. I, uh, what... you're putting...
165
00:05:38,663 --> 00:05:40,598
- What're you doing, all right?
- Yeah.
166
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,132
'Cause you're coming
in here like the NSA!
167
00:05:42,165 --> 00:05:43,634
You're demanding my hard drive!
168
00:05:43,668 --> 00:05:45,069
And now, you're sticking
things in my mouth.
169
00:05:45,101 --> 00:05:46,236
Why are you yelling at me?
170
00:05:46,269 --> 00:05:47,639
Because I don't want you in here!
171
00:05:47,672 --> 00:05:49,040
I didn't come in here to fight with you.
172
00:05:49,072 --> 00:05:51,308
I actually came in 'cause
I wanted to talk about us,
173
00:05:51,341 --> 00:05:52,976
but I've... yeah,
th-the mood has passed,
174
00:05:53,009 --> 00:05:54,646
and I don't anymore, all right.
175
00:05:54,678 --> 00:05:57,181
Enjoy... your, uh, the news.
176
00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,654
(indistinct chatter)
177
00:06:07,791 --> 00:06:09,827
Daddy?
178
00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:12,341
Excuse me? Can I help you?
179
00:06:12,365 --> 00:06:13,900
Uh, no.
180
00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:15,969
(men chuckling)
181
00:06:16,002 --> 00:06:19,073
Just, uh, got to use the restroom.
182
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,076
(chuckles nervously)
183
00:06:24,109 --> 00:06:26,011
That's a pretty big fish.
184
00:06:26,076 --> 00:06:27,378
Excuse me?
185
00:06:27,419 --> 00:06:29,889
The picture of you out front. So cool.
186
00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:32,457
Oh, the marlin. Right.
187
00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:35,461
You an intern or something?
188
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:38,097
Uh, yeah, uh, I-I'm an intern.
189
00:06:38,130 --> 00:06:40,433
I'm here working for free, so...
190
00:06:40,465 --> 00:06:42,634
What are you, like, 14?
191
00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:44,869
Uh, I'm exactly 14.
192
00:06:44,902 --> 00:06:46,739
What are you, a frickin' psychic?
193
00:06:46,772 --> 00:06:48,441
I got a daughter your age.
194
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,943
Wish someone could instill
that work ethic in her.
195
00:06:52,344 --> 00:06:54,546
Well, I'm big into ethics.
196
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,550
At school, they call me "Kid Ethics."
197
00:06:57,582 --> 00:06:59,337
Right. Well, I'm done draining.
See you around.
198
00:06:59,361 --> 00:07:00,876
Uh-huh.
199
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,390
(chuckles) Didn't even wash his hands.
200
00:07:04,422 --> 00:07:05,924
Such a badass.
201
00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:08,460
So Mom and Dad still love us,
202
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,162
they just don't want
to be married anymore?
203
00:07:10,195 --> 00:07:11,664
Yeah, you got it. Nice job, bud.
204
00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:13,504
Hey, uh, have you guys seen Mickey?
205
00:07:13,529 --> 00:07:14,667
I need to talk to her.
206
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,235
Are you getting a divorce?
207
00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:17,436
What? No.
208
00:07:17,469 --> 00:07:18,971
Why would you ask me that?
209
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,071
Because I heard you fighting
210
00:07:20,104 --> 00:07:21,506
and Sabrina said if you fight too much,
211
00:07:21,539 --> 00:07:22,974
you're gonna get divorced.
212
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:24,676
You know what, Ben?
With all due respect,
213
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,645
what Mickey and I have works for us,
214
00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:28,647
and we don't need to
explain ourselves to you,
215
00:07:28,679 --> 00:07:29,814
or any other little kid.
216
00:07:29,847 --> 00:07:31,182
Why are you fighting?
217
00:07:31,215 --> 00:07:32,951
Because your aunt just walked in on me
218
00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:34,919
in the middle of r-reading the news.
219
00:07:34,953 --> 00:07:36,455
She caught you masturbating?
220
00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:37,755
- Gross.
- No.
221
00:07:37,789 --> 00:07:40,325
What's that?
222
00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,794
- Have fun with that one.
- No, I don't want to.
223
00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:44,597
Please tell me. I have to know.
224
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,499
What are the rules? Who's the master?
225
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:47,933
Can I be the master?
226
00:07:47,965 --> 00:07:49,668
Teach me everything.
227
00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,837
- (man moaning)
- Mick, I'm sorry I...
228
00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:54,205
- (buzzing stops)
- Oh.
229
00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:57,376
What the hell is going on?
230
00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,144
- I'm masturbating.
- And don't you dare
231
00:07:59,176 --> 00:08:00,879
tell me that you were reading the news,
232
00:08:00,912 --> 00:08:02,814
because we both know that's not true.
233
00:08:02,847 --> 00:08:04,282
No, I just told you, I'm masturbating.
234
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:06,685
Aha! So you admit it?
235
00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:08,319
Yes, I've admitted it multiple times,
236
00:08:08,352 --> 00:08:10,355
and I was actually kind
of ramping up to something,
237
00:08:10,388 --> 00:08:12,290
so if we could circle back
to this in a couple minutes...
238
00:08:12,323 --> 00:08:13,792
I don't know who you are anymore, Mick.
239
00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,628
You're being so weird about all of this.
240
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,962
It's not a big deal.
241
00:08:16,995 --> 00:08:18,563
It's betrayal, is what it is.
242
00:08:18,597 --> 00:08:21,332
I just walked in on you
doing the exact same thing.
243
00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:23,468
First, you didn't grow up like I did.
244
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:25,136
And guys do it because
they're different.
245
00:08:25,169 --> 00:08:27,338
- How?
- I'm a man, and I need it.
246
00:08:27,371 --> 00:08:29,174
You're a hypocrite, is what you are.
247
00:08:29,207 --> 00:08:30,876
At least I'm not a cheater.
248
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:33,412
- (buzzing)
- What's that?
249
00:08:33,444 --> 00:08:36,648
Sorry, it's just
really hard to hear you.
250
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,851
(buzzing continues)
251
00:08:38,884 --> 00:08:40,286
- Shut the door.
- (door closes)
252
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,725
That is not fair. You promised!
253
00:08:46,757 --> 00:08:48,660
You're 14 years old.
254
00:08:48,693 --> 00:08:51,195
- You're not going to a concert alone.
- Okay, that makes sense.
255
00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:53,831
I get punished because
Lindsay got food poisoning?
256
00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:56,936
God, you are such a spineless dick!
257
00:08:58,703 --> 00:09:01,006
Urinal kid? What are you doing here?
258
00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:03,609
- So sorry. Wrong office. I-I got to...
- Wait.
259
00:09:03,641 --> 00:09:04,776
Come here.
260
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:10,448
What are you up to tonight?
261
00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:12,851
(chuckles) Me? Nothing.
262
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,453
I-I mean, like, I'm super busy.
263
00:09:14,486 --> 00:09:16,388
I got a ton of stuff,
but it can all move.
264
00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:18,122
You want to take my
daughter to a concert?
265
00:09:18,155 --> 00:09:20,758
She's much nicer than that, I promise.
266
00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,560
What do you say? My treat.
267
00:09:22,593 --> 00:09:24,530
I don't know. I don't think
that's such a good idea.
268
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:25,965
- R-Really.
- Come on. You'd be doing me
269
00:09:25,997 --> 00:09:27,999
a really big favor, son.
270
00:09:30,079 --> 00:09:31,601
ALBA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
271
00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:33,539
Let me try to understand this.
272
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:36,808
So, instead of telling your
dad that you are his son,
273
00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:39,477
you asked your sister out on a date?
274
00:09:39,510 --> 00:09:41,981
- Ugh.
- No. He asked me.
275
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:43,816
Chip, listen, I know
you haven't had much luck
276
00:09:43,848 --> 00:09:45,818
with the ladies, but
this is not the answer.
277
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:48,153
You're just jealous because my
new sister's hotter than you.
278
00:09:48,185 --> 00:09:49,387
Oh, you think I'm hot?
279
00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,256
N... That's not what I said.
280
00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:54,460
No, you said I'm hot, she's hotter,
281
00:09:54,492 --> 00:09:57,261
- and we're both your sister, so...
- Mm.
282
00:09:57,294 --> 00:09:59,231
You Buckleys are pretty creepy, huh?
283
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:01,634
Shut up. At least we build
companies and earn our money.
284
00:10:01,666 --> 00:10:04,135
We don't inherit and steal
like your jailbird dad.
285
00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:05,404
Alba, let's go.
286
00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:07,106
- Okay, let me just finish.
- Alba!
287
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:08,107
I got to go!
288
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,074
Okay! Okay. Ugh.
289
00:10:10,107 --> 00:10:12,777
Mmm. Ah.
290
00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,312
(sniffs) Don't worry.
291
00:10:14,346 --> 00:10:17,416
I will not let this night
be tarnished by incest.
292
00:10:17,448 --> 00:10:19,517
What's incest?
293
00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:21,653
Okay. Ben?
294
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,355
How about this: tonight,
295
00:10:23,387 --> 00:10:24,857
I'll answer all the
questions you've got.
296
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,192
After that, never again. Deal?
297
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:29,666
Deal. Now, tell me all about incest.
298
00:10:29,691 --> 00:10:30,962
Is it about bugs?
299
00:10:30,996 --> 00:10:32,530
I wish, buddy.
300
00:10:32,563 --> 00:10:33,765
(knocking on door)
301
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:34,933
JIMMY: What?
302
00:10:34,966 --> 00:10:36,501
It's me. Can I come in?
303
00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:37,870
Fine.
304
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:40,339
I'm opening the door, slowly.
305
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,381
Hey.
306
00:10:49,747 --> 00:10:52,050
What's going on with us?
307
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,053
I don't know, man.
308
00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:55,788
We've been in this rut for a while,
309
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,524
and then Sabrina and Alba
start chirping in my ear.
310
00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,693
Yeah, little Ben
really spun me out, too.
311
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,461
- Did he?
- Yeah.
312
00:11:02,493 --> 00:11:04,295
You know what, who cares?
Why are we listening to them?
313
00:11:04,328 --> 00:11:05,698
- I don't know.
- They don't get us.
314
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,866
No, they don't. Because
what we have is different.
315
00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:09,668
That's what I keep
saying. It's different.
316
00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:10,836
Yeah, it is.
317
00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:12,470
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
318
00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:14,507
Yeah.
319
00:11:16,908 --> 00:11:19,510
Look, I can never unburn your ass.
320
00:11:19,544 --> 00:11:20,712
I know that.
321
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,213
What do you say we start over?
322
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:25,818
Okay.
323
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,653
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
324
00:11:27,685 --> 00:11:29,687
I'm Jimmy.
325
00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:32,825
And if you're not doing anything
later, I'd like to take you out.
326
00:11:32,857 --> 00:11:34,693
I would like that.
327
00:11:34,726 --> 00:11:37,062
What's... what's that?
328
00:11:37,095 --> 00:11:38,497
It was a...
329
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,057
Yeah, it's like a weird, old-timey...
330
00:11:40,082 --> 00:11:41,165
- You...
- ...thing. I don't like it.
331
00:11:41,198 --> 00:11:42,568
- Bad move.
- Yeah. It's okay.
332
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,581
- Okay.
- Okay.
333
00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:49,294
(laughs softly)
334
00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:53,265
- Stuff on the walls.
- Man, when was the last time you
335
00:11:53,298 --> 00:11:54,866
had a patty mel... What's up?
336
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:57,736
What... no, sorry. Um, what?
337
00:11:57,769 --> 00:11:59,638
No, you were talking about walls?
338
00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:02,206
Yeah, well, they got just an
old hockey stick over there.
339
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,543
Looks like it's seen a lot of games.
340
00:12:04,576 --> 00:12:06,245
- Yeah. I see it.
- Yeah.
341
00:12:06,278 --> 00:12:07,880
- Neat.
- Right?
342
00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:09,815
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
343
00:12:09,847 --> 00:12:11,616
- So, uh, what's going on?
- Hmm?
344
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:13,584
- What's new?
- Mm...
345
00:12:13,617 --> 00:12:15,669
Um, ooh! There was something
I was gonna remember to tell you.
346
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,890
- Yeah? Like a dream you had?
- Oh, no, it wasn't a dream.
347
00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:19,825
- Oh, like, a YouTube video?
- No.
348
00:12:19,857 --> 00:12:21,159
- A show? You guys watching shows?
- It's actually...
349
00:12:21,193 --> 00:12:22,727
Thank you. It's not helpful
when you talk, though.
350
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:23,928
- Okay.
- Because... no, just with the...
351
00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:25,429
- it's hard for me to think of it.
- Right.
352
00:12:25,462 --> 00:12:27,265
I can't remember.
353
00:12:27,299 --> 00:12:30,780
- Well, they have a deep fryer...
- Oh, they got croquet mallets.
354
00:12:30,836 --> 00:12:32,389
It's... oh, another
wall thing to look at?
355
00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:33,451
Yeah.
356
00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:34,573
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
357
00:12:34,606 --> 00:12:36,607
- This is weird, right? Why are we so off?
- Yeah.
358
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,745
Maybe we should get some drinks.
359
00:12:39,778 --> 00:12:41,446
- Of course we need drinks.
- Yeah.
360
00:12:41,478 --> 00:12:43,347
- What are we doing without drinks?
- I don't know.
361
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:44,916
Hey, can we get a couple
beers over here, please?
362
00:12:44,949 --> 00:12:46,117
- Yeah, a couple shots, too.
- Yeah,
363
00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,486
and I'll take the wine list.
364
00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:49,188
- Yeah, ooh.
- Yeah, right?
365
00:12:52,156 --> 00:12:53,758
(doorbell rings)
366
00:12:53,792 --> 00:12:56,261
Urinal kid, come on in.
367
00:12:56,294 --> 00:12:58,163
Good to see you. Kelly
will be right down.
368
00:12:58,196 --> 00:12:59,598
Ah, tell her to take her time.
369
00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:01,265
Happy to hang here with you.
370
00:13:01,299 --> 00:13:03,968
Name's Chip, by the
way, not "urinal kid."
371
00:13:04,114 --> 00:13:06,269
Chip. Might want to change that
372
00:13:06,294 --> 00:13:08,207
to a man's name when puberty hits.
373
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,609
Oh, yeah, totally. Hate
my name, always have.
374
00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:12,276
Even before just now.
375
00:13:12,309 --> 00:13:14,313
I'm just messing with
you. It's a fine name.
376
00:13:14,346 --> 00:13:16,148
Ah! I'm just messing with you, back.
377
00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:18,282
- What a fun exchange.
- Come on, let's go.
378
00:13:18,316 --> 00:13:20,018
- Uh, you sure? No rush.
- (door opens)
379
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,520
I'm happy to keep talking
to Dad... y-your dad.
380
00:13:22,553 --> 00:13:23,722
You guys have fun.
381
00:13:23,755 --> 00:13:25,057
Back by midnight, okay?
382
00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:26,358
I'm serious.
383
00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:30,495
So, uh, who's playing tonight?
384
00:13:30,528 --> 00:13:31,830
I frickin' love music.
385
00:13:31,862 --> 00:13:33,364
Oh, no, we're not going to the concert.
386
00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:36,201
This guy I like has a house to
himself, and he invited me over.
387
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:38,336
So you can just drop
me there or whatever.
388
00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:40,806
- But, I-I promised your dad...
- I don't care.
389
00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:42,473
And if you say anything to my dad,
390
00:13:42,506 --> 00:13:44,075
I will tell him you whipped it out.
391
00:13:44,108 --> 00:13:46,344
Whoa, whoa! What? No, calm down.
392
00:13:46,377 --> 00:13:48,347
Nobody's whipping anything out.
393
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,582
Driver, we need to change our drop-off.
394
00:13:50,615 --> 00:13:52,517
Uh, yeah, but, sir,
395
00:13:52,549 --> 00:13:54,919
uh, shouldn't you stick to the
original plan for the evening?
396
00:13:54,952 --> 00:13:56,988
Wait, w-why is our Uber
driver talking to us?
397
00:13:57,021 --> 00:13:59,190
(scoffs) Yeah, butt out, lady,
398
00:13:59,223 --> 00:14:01,058
or I'll hit you with
a frickin' one star.
399
00:14:01,092 --> 00:14:04,563
- (chuckles softly)
- Huh.
400
00:14:04,596 --> 00:14:07,432
- (burps)
- (laughs)
401
00:14:07,465 --> 00:14:09,501
MICKEY: You did not see
the Beatles in concert.
402
00:14:09,526 --> 00:14:11,736
- I did. It was a secret show.
- So stupid.
403
00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:14,239
Oh, what... hey, can we
get another round, please?
404
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:17,541
Why don't you just focus
on this round for now?
405
00:14:17,574 --> 00:14:19,188
- (scoffs) Oh, yeah?
- Oh...
406
00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:20,555
I smell a challenge.
407
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:21,913
- Is that what it was?
- (burps): Yeah.
408
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:23,347
Oh, guess what?
409
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:24,817
Challenge accepted.
410
00:14:28,086 --> 00:14:29,621
(gags, coughing)
411
00:14:29,654 --> 00:14:31,188
BARTENDER: All right, that's it.
412
00:14:31,222 --> 00:14:32,691
- Time to close out.
- (Mickey retching)
413
00:14:32,723 --> 00:14:33,791
Why?
414
00:14:33,824 --> 00:14:35,459
What? Why?
415
00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:36,460
You just puked in your glass.
416
00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:37,963
No, I didn't.
417
00:14:37,996 --> 00:14:40,631
(slurring): I was just taking
a break from finishing it.
418
00:14:40,664 --> 00:14:41,866
I watched you.
419
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:44,468
Oh, I don't think I like your tone.
420
00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:47,705
If the lady says she didn't
vomit, she didn't vomit.
421
00:14:47,739 --> 00:14:49,308
I'm just telling you what I saw.
422
00:14:49,341 --> 00:14:51,143
Yeah, well, maybe you need
to get your eyes checked,
423
00:14:51,175 --> 00:14:55,079
because what I see
is a nice, crisp beer.
424
00:14:55,112 --> 00:14:56,414
- Dude, don't.
- MICKEY: Jimmy, I really wouldn't.
425
00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:59,150
Why? If I'm thirsty, why
wouldn't I drink a beer?
426
00:14:59,183 --> 00:15:00,618
I would... (gags)
427
00:15:04,322 --> 00:15:05,557
(exhales)
428
00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:07,125
That's good.
429
00:15:07,158 --> 00:15:08,961
It was a little hoppy,
but I think somebody
430
00:15:08,994 --> 00:15:10,796
owes the lady an apology.
431
00:15:12,463 --> 00:15:14,299
BARTENDER: Ugh...
432
00:15:14,332 --> 00:15:16,001
Whoa, whoa, hey, uh, whoa.
433
00:15:16,034 --> 00:15:17,903
You come back again,
and I'm calling the cops.
434
00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:20,104
- Oh, ooh.
- Would we want to come back?
435
00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:22,640
- (laughs) Your bar smells like puke.
- (door closes)
436
00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:24,643
(both chuckle)
437
00:15:24,675 --> 00:15:27,979
- He doesn't get us.
- Nobody gets us.
438
00:15:28,012 --> 00:15:29,513
Thanks for that, by the way.
439
00:15:29,547 --> 00:15:31,984
- Oh, you like that, do you?
- No, it was gross.
440
00:15:32,016 --> 00:15:34,819
I don't like it. I don't want...
ever want you to do it again.
441
00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:36,287
But for a second there, you know,
442
00:15:36,321 --> 00:15:37,956
when you were dressing that guy down?
443
00:15:37,989 --> 00:15:39,091
I like that.
444
00:15:39,124 --> 00:15:40,692
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
445
00:15:40,725 --> 00:15:43,295
Well, what do you say we
head back to the house and...
446
00:15:43,327 --> 00:15:45,429
read the news?
447
00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:47,131
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
448
00:15:47,164 --> 00:15:49,168
Why do we need a house?
449
00:15:56,374 --> 00:15:57,509
CHIP: It's almost midnight.
450
00:15:57,542 --> 00:15:59,144
What the frick is going on in there?
451
00:15:59,177 --> 00:16:01,646
Aw, Chip, come on, buddy.
452
00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:03,682
CHIP: I'm gonna go scope it out.
453
00:16:12,856 --> 00:16:16,461
JORDAN: Hey, Jenna, what's up, babe?
454
00:16:16,494 --> 00:16:18,529
No, I'm not busy.
455
00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:20,731
Cool, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just
give me a few minutes to,
456
00:16:20,765 --> 00:16:22,701
- uh, take out the trash.
- (Chip mouths)
457
00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:24,736
See you soon, gorgeous.
458
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:34,145
- Hey, what took you so long?
- Ah...
459
00:16:34,178 --> 00:16:36,347
That was my mom. She's
gonna be home pretty soon.
460
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:37,716
Oh. Okay. (clicks tongue)
461
00:16:37,749 --> 00:16:39,217
- I'll call a car.
- No, no, no.
462
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,019
I-I didn't mean... We
can still, you know.
463
00:16:41,052 --> 00:16:42,421
We just got to be quick.
464
00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:43,755
Oh, okay.
465
00:16:43,788 --> 00:16:46,091
Liar! He is a liar.
466
00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:47,325
- He's a...
- Who the hell are you?
467
00:16:47,357 --> 00:16:48,926
What the hell are you doing in here?
468
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,194
That wasn't his mom on the phone.
469
00:16:50,228 --> 00:16:51,897
It was Jenna. She's on her way now.
470
00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:54,399
You're kicking me out for Jenna?
471
00:16:54,432 --> 00:16:56,068
Ah, God.
472
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,069
Whatever. It's not like
we're dating, anyways.
473
00:16:58,103 --> 00:17:00,005
You said you liked me, you ass.
474
00:17:00,038 --> 00:17:02,741
All right, if you're gonna be a bitch,
475
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,241
then you should just go.
476
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,210
Whoa. You want to disrespect me? Fine.
477
00:17:06,243 --> 00:17:07,545
But you will not disrespect her,
478
00:17:07,578 --> 00:17:08,946
and you will certainly not disrespect
479
00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:10,982
Howard frickin' Buckley!
480
00:17:13,218 --> 00:17:15,020
(crying): He didn't have
to disrespect me like that.
481
00:17:15,052 --> 00:17:17,121
Oh, forget that jerk.
482
00:17:17,154 --> 00:17:21,593
Um, thank you for, uh, having my back.
483
00:17:21,626 --> 00:17:23,260
You're sweet. (chuckles)
484
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,029
Yeah, I'll always have your back.
485
00:17:25,062 --> 00:17:26,897
No matter what.
486
00:17:26,931 --> 00:17:28,299
You shouldn't be wasting your time
487
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:29,701
on a creep like that anyways.
488
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:33,070
I mean, you're... you're pretty,
489
00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:36,008
you're smart, super frickin' chill...
490
00:17:39,176 --> 00:17:40,779
No, no, no. It's...
491
00:17:40,811 --> 00:17:42,414
We can't. I-It's not...
492
00:17:42,446 --> 00:17:44,049
it's not... it's not you.
493
00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:45,549
- I just... I want...
- Okay, okay. Hey, Chip. Chip.
494
00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:46,651
Relax.
495
00:17:46,683 --> 00:17:47,952
It'll be worth it.
496
00:17:47,985 --> 00:17:49,320
I promise.
497
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:53,925
What the hell.
498
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,930
- (horn honking repeatedly)
- ALBA: Chip! No!
499
00:17:58,962 --> 00:18:01,398
- No, we can't. It's not right.
- Okay, okay. Wh-What's wrong?
500
00:18:01,432 --> 00:18:03,501
I-I got to tell you
something, something crazy.
501
00:18:03,535 --> 00:18:05,938
All right. What is it?
502
00:18:07,605 --> 00:18:09,641
(sighs) 14 years ago,
503
00:18:09,674 --> 00:18:12,344
my mom had an affair with your dad.
504
00:18:13,978 --> 00:18:16,281
I am the bastard love
child of that affair.
505
00:18:16,314 --> 00:18:18,583
What are you talking about?
506
00:18:18,616 --> 00:18:20,952
Kelly, I'm your brother.
507
00:18:20,984 --> 00:18:22,319
- What?
- Look, I know
508
00:18:22,353 --> 00:18:24,256
- it sounds crazy... Aah!
- No!
509
00:18:24,289 --> 00:18:26,458
No, I... I don't know
what you're talking about,
510
00:18:26,491 --> 00:18:28,827
b-but you're psycho, and just
stay away from me, weirdo!
511
00:18:28,859 --> 00:18:31,529
(low gasping)
512
00:18:31,562 --> 00:18:33,631
- Ow! Ah, no, the pipes.
- You all right? You okay?
513
00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:35,099
You know what, how about
this, how about this:
514
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,102
- you just put your head down, okay?
- Okay. Ow!
515
00:18:37,135 --> 00:18:38,202
- You okay?
- Hold still.
516
00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:39,270
- You hold still.
- MICKEY: Ow!
517
00:18:39,304 --> 00:18:41,273
- JIMMY: Whoa!
- Hey!
518
00:18:41,306 --> 00:18:43,642
- What's going on?
- Hey, mind your own business, pal.
519
00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:44,975
Hey, get off of her!
520
00:18:45,009 --> 00:18:47,378
- Yeah, you like assaulting women?
- No, no, no. No!
521
00:18:47,412 --> 00:18:49,780
- (grunts)
- MICKEY: Oh! Oh!
522
00:18:49,814 --> 00:18:51,283
Aah! Oh!
523
00:18:51,316 --> 00:18:53,518
- Yeah, man! We got you.
- Guys, stop! No! Oh!
524
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:56,855
No, no, wait, wait,
wait! It was consensual!
525
00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,924
- MAN: Son of a bitch!
- Oh!
526
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,290
(Chip grunting, wheezing)
527
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:06,056
ALBA: Chip!
528
00:19:06,099 --> 00:19:09,836
At this point, no good can
come from knowing this man!
529
00:19:09,870 --> 00:19:11,231
I'm sorry, I'm so sor...
530
00:19:11,256 --> 00:19:12,214
- (crying)
- I can explain.
531
00:19:12,239 --> 00:19:13,941
You whipped it out in
front of my daughter?
532
00:19:13,973 --> 00:19:15,809
- Whoa, what? No!
- You're fired.
533
00:19:15,843 --> 00:19:17,809
Well, I never... really worked there.
534
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:19,099
I was just kind of saying that...
535
00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:20,224
- to meet you.
- See? I told you.
536
00:19:20,256 --> 00:19:22,792
- This kid is a freak!
- Get the hell out of my house.
537
00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:24,594
Pamela Pemberton.
538
00:19:24,628 --> 00:19:26,964
- What?
- 14 years ago, you...
539
00:19:26,996 --> 00:19:29,265
you slept with a woman
named Pamela Pemberton.
540
00:19:29,299 --> 00:19:32,269
- Poodle?
- Th-That's my mom.
541
00:19:32,302 --> 00:19:34,405
I'm... your son.
542
00:19:34,437 --> 00:19:35,840
(exhales)
543
00:19:38,007 --> 00:19:40,477
Stay the hell away
from me and my family.
544
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,783
Alba, you blew it!
545
00:19:45,815 --> 00:19:47,951
- So, what did we learn?
- That brothers and sisters
546
00:19:47,984 --> 00:19:50,588
shouldn't kiss, because
it's icky and gross.
547
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:53,224
And their babies would have
all sorts of health problems.
548
00:19:53,256 --> 00:19:54,591
Where do babies come from?
549
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:55,960
Huh. Kind of feels like
550
00:19:55,993 --> 00:19:57,828
we should've covered that earlier.
551
00:19:57,860 --> 00:19:59,796
Where do babies live
before they're babies?
552
00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,665
How old's the oldest baby?
553
00:20:01,697 --> 00:20:04,001
It's gonna be really fun
to see how you turn out.
554
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:05,268
(chuckles)
555
00:20:05,302 --> 00:20:08,138
- So he's your boyfriend?
- He... no, I, see, he...
556
00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:09,472
It's complicated.
557
00:20:09,505 --> 00:20:11,407
So what happened was consensual?
558
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,409
Yes. It was my idea.
559
00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:16,247
Do you need a place to stay tonight?
560
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,282
- We can take you to a shelter.
- I don't want to go to a shel...
561
00:20:19,315 --> 00:20:21,651
I will have you know
I live in a mansion, okay?
562
00:20:21,685 --> 00:20:24,455
(stammers) It doesn't...
Can you just please uncuff him?
563
00:20:24,487 --> 00:20:25,922
Thank you.
564
00:20:25,955 --> 00:20:28,458
(indistinct police radio transmission)
565
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,563
Be a little smarter next time.
566
00:20:36,867 --> 00:20:38,735
(engine starts)
567
00:20:40,971 --> 00:20:42,807
(siren chirps)
568
00:20:48,544 --> 00:20:51,014
How did we get here?
569
00:20:51,048 --> 00:20:52,850
Oh, I don't know.
570
00:20:52,882 --> 00:20:54,951
I mean, I remember
driving, but I don't know
571
00:20:54,984 --> 00:20:56,853
- where I parked, so...
- No. No, I mean,
572
00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,556
I'm talking about our relationship.
573
00:20:58,589 --> 00:21:00,523
It's just not healthy.
574
00:21:00,557 --> 00:21:02,359
I know.
575
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:05,495
You know, we keep saying that...
576
00:21:05,529 --> 00:21:08,365
nobody gets us, but...
577
00:21:08,398 --> 00:21:10,600
maybe we don't get us.
578
00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:14,571
♪ ♪
579
00:21:18,507 --> 00:21:20,410
We had a good run, Mick.
580
00:21:21,911 --> 00:21:23,880
Yeah, we did.
581
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:31,487
Like the Patriots in the early 2000s.
582
00:21:31,521 --> 00:21:35,026
Can we just sit and... enjoy
the silence for a little bit?
583
00:21:36,592 --> 00:21:38,329
You got it, Mick.
584
00:21:38,407 --> 00:21:42,843
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
42341
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