Original subtitles

♪♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ travel down the road and back again ♪

♪ your heart is true ♪

♪ you're a pal and a confidante ♪

♪ and if you threw a party ♪

♪ invited everyone you knew ♪

♪ you would see ♪

♪ the biggest gift would be from me ♪

♪ and the card attached would say ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪♪

Captioning made possible by witt/thomas/harris productions, cbs television network,

And 1992 nci caption club/ grantsmanship

On the last episode of the golden palace...

Dorothy just called. She's on her way.

Group hug, everybody.

I think ma's much too old

To be working this hard.

Want her to come back to atlanta with me.

Rose, I want to thank you for yesterday.

You didn't give me any grief about marrying beverly.

I figure it's your life.

If you want to throw it away

Marrying some cheap tart in a drunken stupor,

Who am I to object?

"I can't choose between my own daughter

"and two women I think of as daughters.

I'm sorry. I just can't."

I don't understand. What does this mean?

It means sophia has run away.

[telephone rings]

Front desk.

Oh, you have no soap.

I'm so sorry about that.

We're shorthanded.

One of our maids ran away,

And two of our maids have gone to find her.

I'll get some soap up to you.

All right. Thank you, sir.

That'll be 303.

[ring]

Front desk.

I'm sorry. Those towels are on their way.

[ring]

Front desk.

I don't have time for this right now.

Try me again later.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought this was an obscene phone call.

Oh, w-what's wrong with your meat loaf?

Oh, well, fine.

I'll get another one up to you right away,

And call me later.

Roland, mr. Marshall got dry meat loaf.

I know. Chuy, what is the number one rule

Of hotel cooking?

If it doesn't look right, cover it with rsley.

No amount of parsley

Can cover up dry meat loaf,

So explain that chia pet you sent up to mr. Marshall.

I made a mistake.

Name one other time I made a mistake.

You just married a complete stranger

After having a shot of tequila.

Name another one.

You got to focus.

That's the third order that's been sent back.

Maybe I'm not so happy,

But things are going to be just fine

Once we make love.

Uh-oh. Have we found another problem

That can't be covered with parsley?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, it's her, man.

She says just because we're married

Doesn't mean she has to act like a tramp.

I was upset at first,

But then I realized I'm lucky.

I'm a lucky man. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Chuy, listen to me.

You're married to a woman who you don't know

Who won't sleep with you.

You're this close to losing a job

To pay for a car you can't afford.

You are a spotted owl in the forest of life.

God needed to laugh today, so he chose you.

Is this, like, what they call tough love?

Get out of here.

Dorothy, any luck finding sophia?

No, and I went to all her usual mall hangouts.

What's the name of that geriatric shoe store she hangs out at?

Oh, "still kicking"?

Haven't seen her since last week.

You try the police?

Yes, but they told me not to expect much

Because her description fits half the women in miami...

And a quarter of the men.

Oh, this is ridiculous. We'll never find her.

Now, don't you lose heart.

Rose hasn't checked in, and she's a good detective.

Well, she's not at kiddie-land.

Rose, what would she be doing at kiddie-land?

Well, I usually go on the little boats.

So, did you win any prizes today?

A plastic monkey on--

You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Girls, let's not be mean. That won't solve anything.

There wouldn't be anything to solve

If you had let me take ma home.

Is this my fault?

You forced my mother to do hard labor.

I don't believe you said that.

Oh, if I weren't a lady, I'd deck you.

You try, and I'll have you on your back so fast

You'll think you're out on a date.

Now, stop it. Stop it!

This isn't going to bring sophia back.

Let's think where she'd go when she's depresse

Let'wait. Did you try'd go wthe cemetery?Resse

She's only been gone a few hours, dorothy.

It takes longer than that to dig a grave.

Is this today's paper?

Yes.

Have you read it?

Yeah.

Oh, chuy, any news of sophia?

Nothing yet.

Don't put away that cheesecake.

This is an emergency.

I think I'll join you.

Dorothy's going to kill us.

Well, I don't care.

I'm so mad at dorothy for telling us

That we work sophia too hard.

She's got some nerve.

Yeah.

I think dorothy's full of beans,

And I'll say it right to her face.

Say what to my face?

I think you look good in jeans.

Blanche, you know what your problem is?

You're all talk and no action.

Just like your sexife.

What are you saying? Are you saying I'm not a tramp?

Then why do you think they call me the female ted kennedy?

Because you look like him.

Excuse me. I have to go find my mother.

Dorothy, sit down. We're running in circles.

Have some cheesecake.

I don't want any! I want my mother,

Or are you all too thick to understand that?

All right, dorothy, that's enough!

Ever since sophia ran away, you've screamed and yelled

And acted like a monster to me and blanche,

And I'm telling you right now to cut it out!

Or what?

Or this!

Ooooh!

You hit me.

I'm sorry, but you deserved it.

You hit me.

Why did you hit me?

Oh, I feel like hitting you, too.

You do?

Ever since you left, I've been mad at you.

You just deserted us. You broke up our family.

You left us alone.

For seven years, we turned to you for everything,

Then one day, you're just gone.

Well, what about you?

I wasn't out of that house two months

Before you bought this hotel.

Did you ever ask for my help? No!

You just went out and did it.

I thought you didn't need me anymore.

We didn't want to bother you.

Bother me? How could you bother me?

You're my two best friends.

We are?

You are.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry, too.

And, rose, you hit me once more...

And you won't live long enough to hear me say "ow."

Oh, god, I've missed you!

I'm looking for chuy castillos.

You're looking at him. Can I help you?

You're chuy castillos?

You look like one of the super mario brothers.

I'm ramone. She never told you about me?

I'm the man that went steady with her

And loved her since we were both 14.

Well, I'm the guy that skipped all that

And married her after a shot of tequila.

Well, you're a lucky man.

She's a wonderful, beautiful woman.

I'm here to congratulate you.

Hey, thanks.

And just to let you know

That if you do anything to hurt her, I'll kill you.

She's coming down. Why not talk to her?

I cannot interfere. I don't want her to see me.

I don't know why she's chosen you, but she has.

So, once again,

Congratulations,

Kill.

Aw, chuy, did you just break it off with beverly?

No, I didn't.

Oh, rose...

Hold me, rose.

Oh, there, there, baby.

When did rose become the strong one?

I don't know.

I'm looking for the manager.

Where'd you get that purse?

Some old lady left it in my cab.

Looks like ma's.

Let's see.

Bingo cards,

Brass knuckles,

Pocket edition of 101 jokes for the john.

Yes, this is ma's!

Where did you take her?

Got the log sheet here. Let me check.

Picked her up, golden palace, 7:05.

Dropped her off at a place called shady pines.

Shady pinenes?

It burnt down.

They must've rebuilt it,

But it can't be as bad as sophia's made out,

Can it, dorothy?

Well...

Coin-operated walkers?

Totally untrue. No, my mother made that up.

Ice cream given only to the day's top 10 orange pickers?

Not true. Anyone in the trees got ice cream.

I've got shady pines.

They have a phone now?

Yes, did someone check in this morning,

Sophia petrillo?

She has? Well, can we speak with her?

She's in the middle of her exercise period.

Oh, my god! That's code for picking up litter on the interstate.

Ma?

It's me.

Honey, what are you doing? You sound out of breath.

You know the rules here.

If you don't work, you don't eat.

We're coming to get you.

Don't. I'd rather stay here than to have you fight over me.

But, ma--

Look, I can't talk now.

One of the screws is giving me the fish eye.

Goodbye, dorothy.

Whatever you do, don't pick me up.

Let me die in peace.

Ma--

Oh, he's coming this way.

I got to go.

Oh, no. He saw me.

Too late! It's too late!

Is it too late for my massage?

Not if you hurry.

Hot oil, right?

If you'd like.

Hot dog!

We have to hurry.

They probably have her cleaning shellfish.

They try to pass that off as arts and crafts.

Oh, my god!

What have they done?

It's beautiful.

It's paradise.

It's a fake!

They must all be out back sweating away their lives

In some devilish fluff and fold operation

Hello, and welcome to shady pines.

I'm meredith. I'm here to help.

What have you done with my mother, you...

You nazi?

Security.

The smart-looking one.

Lay down on that floor,

Hands behind your back, please?

What kept you out of the regular police,

Manners or motor skills?

Come on.

You take your hands off her. She's my friend.

When did you become so strong?

I don't know.

I haven't had a workout like that since--

Ma.

Orange trees.

Since they had me in the orange trees.

Can you verify that this woman is your daughter?

What if I don't?

We'll have her jailed for trespassing.

Let's do that for now.

Ma!

O.K., she's mine. She's mine.

O.K. Show's over. Go on home.

What are you doing here?

Ma, you had us worried sick!

I hit dorothy.

Don't lie.

No, I really did.

Oh, you did not.

She did.

You shall lead us now.

Sophia, we have to talk.

Five minutes, then I have tennis lessons.

Ma, this is ridiculous. You can't stay here.

I lived here before I moved in with you three.

If I stay you'll be mad at me, not each other,

And I won't ruin your friendship.

You're not ruining our friendship.

Ma, I love you. I want you to live with me.

We love you and want you to be happy.

And whatever you decide is o.K.

You're forcing me to make a choice I can't make.

Sophia petrillo is going to have to take care of herself.

How will you pay for all this.

With a little something I like to call...

Your money.

Ma, forget it!

O.K. Girls, I'm taking out all the money

I put into the hotel.

Oh, the only thing you actually put in

Was that candy dish in the lobby, honey.

Keep it.

Look, shady pines might have a new coat of paint,

But they can't care for you like I can.

Sushi?

Thank you.

Look at that tush!

But I'm your flesh and blood.

Hello, meredith.

Hello, ma.

But you're all cooped up here.

At least with me you'll have fun.

Attention, shady piners,

Circus night is starting in five minutes on the big lawn.

The circus.

Pussycat, couldn't this wait?

No. You have to come back to the hotel

So we can talk about this.

Right. We're obviously not solving anything here.

That's fair.

O.K., I'll go pay the bill.

So, how's everything?

Actually, the meat loaf is a little dry.

Beverly, I want a divorce.

Boy, you can't take criticism, can you?

I'm sorry to blurt it out like that.

I've been thinking, and...

Beverly, I don't think I love you.

An hour ago, you said you wanted to make me happy.

That's because your old boyfriend

Came by and threatened to kill me.

Ramone? Ramone came to see you?

Oh, that means he loves me.

Ramone loves me!

Oh, chuy, I owe you an apology.

I did all of this to make ramone jealous.

I'm sorry.

Hey, no problem.

I hope you and ramone are happy together.

We're getting divorced, right?

Oh, we don't have to. We were never really married.

What do you mean?

Remember that priest we got at 2:00 in the morning?

Well, he was really a men's room attendant.

I was wondering why he had

A jar of combs on the alter.

I will never forget you, chuy castolanzos.

It's castillos.

Chuy castillos.

Dorothy, we just don't want you to leave like this.

No, wait.

Ma and I have been talking,

And we both agree it's better if she stays here.

You mean that?

We don't want to lose your friendship.

No, I really mean it.

I really didn't think you could run this hotel.

I thought that you, blanche, would lose interest,

And you, rose, would marry miles,

And ma would come home,

But I forgot what special people you are,

And I apologize for not having enough faith in you.

I just want you to know

I'm very, very proud of all of you.

You don't know what it means

To hear you say that.

Oh, me, too.

Rose and I have this little present for you.

We made it.

A life-time pass to the golden palace.

Read the back.

"this card entitles dorothy zbornak hollingsworth

"to stay in any room in the golden palace

"and eat cheesecake,

"tell dirty jokes,

"and have at least two friends

"who will listen to her cry,

"complain, and laugh,

For the rest of her life."

Thank you.

I got you something, too.

Uh, this... This candy dish.

It's engraved.

"to ma, love dorothy."

Damn!

Blanche, we're getting backed up here.

I'll be right there.

Come back and see us, you hear?

Oh, the flowers are here. I have to take care of those.

Sophia, we've got to do the menu.

They're going to work me to death.

Just a little guilt for the road.

Goodbye, pussycat.

Goodbye, ma.

[telephone rings]

Golden palace.

Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.