Original subtitles

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ travel down the road and back again ♪

♪ your heart is true ♪

♪ you're a pal and a confidante ♪

♪ and if you threw a party ♪

♪ invited everyone you knew ♪

♪ you would see ♪

♪ the biggest gift would be from me ♪

♪ and the card attached would say ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪♪

Captioning made possible by witt/thomas/harris productions, cbs television network,

And 1992 nci caption club/ grantsmanship

Sophia, wet floor.

I can't do that on comnd.

I have to be scared first.

Uh, chuy, wet floor.

What, somebody scare sophia?

Well, don't you look nice?

It's taken two years,

But as of today,

I'll have lost 140 pounds of ugly fat.

You used to be heavy?

No. Married.

Today's the day chuy signs his final divorce papers.

Oh, I bet you have mixed feelings about that.

Are you kidding? I'm thrilled it's over.

Eight years.

Eight long, miserable years.

You know what's it like

To live with a foul-mouthed, vicious shrew?

Move it or lose it, you danish dork.

I guess you do.

Girls, dorothy just called from the airport.

She's on her way.

Can you believe it?

Our little family's going to be together again.

Isn't it wonderful?

I can't wait for her to see the hotel.

Oh, sophia, you must be so excited.

Absolutely.

I haven't seen my baby in four months.

I'm living for the moment when I can hold her.

I can hardly think of anything else.

She's not staying in my room, is she?

The hotel's booked solid for the next two days.

I'd let her bunk with me,

But I have a date tonight,

And you know how dorothy suffers from motion sickness.

Oh, look,

I'm as thrilled as anyone that dorothy's coming,

But don't make me share a bed with her again.

You remember what happened the last time.

When she mistook you for her pillow?

Do you know what it's like

Being fluffed by dorothy at 3:00 in the morning?

I just can't wait for her to get here.

She's going to be so proud

When she sees what we've done with this hotel.

She didn't think we'd be able to pull this off.

She thought we were too old and inexperienced

To run a hotel.

This is just a stab in the dark,

But was dorothy the smart one in your group?

Huy, - did you signthy the those divorce papers?Up?

All right.

You're free, man.

How does it feel?

I don't know.

When I left the courthouse, I was feeling great.

I was whistling,

I threw my hat in the air like mary tyler moore,

I started running down the street like that girl,

I started belly dancing like I dream of jeannie.

And then it hit me.

Y-you need some male role models?

No.

It hit me that...

I really am alone.

It's--it's over, and delores is gone forever.

Delores isn't the only woman out there for you.

How do you know? Maybe she is.

Maybe nobody will be interested.

You need a date.

Look, this is what I want you to do.

The next woman you see,

I want you to walk up to her

And ask her out.

I'm really rusty.

Trust me. Just be aggressive.

What's the worst thing she could do--

Say "no"?

Now I mean it, chuy. The next woman.

O.K.

The next woman.

Walk up to her and say, "hey."

Ahem.

¡oye, mamacita!

Do you move as good as you look?

Walk away now,

And no one gets hurt.

You must be dorothy.

I've heard a lot about you.

I'm chuy.

Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Welcome to the hotel.

Yes, ma'am. May I help you?

I certainly hope so.

I'm looking--

Excuse me. I was counting this fare.

I think you forgot a tip.

A tip?

A tip.

Uh, let's review your performance,

Shall we?

Let's see.

You backed over my luggage,

Took the causeway during rush hour,

Stopped the car twice

To sell fruit out of your trunk.

A tip?

Walk away now,

And no one gets hurt.

You must be dorothy.

So nice to meet you.

I'm roland wilson.

Oh, how do you do?

Boy, you're nothing at all like I pictured you.

What do you mean?

From everything

That blanche, sophia, and rose told me about you,

I thought you'd be taller.

Well, how much taller?

About 5 feet taller actually.

Dorothy!

Oh, I can't believe you're really here!

Oh, look at you!

You never looked more beautiful.

Oh, god, I missed you guys!

We've been looking forward to this

For so long.

It's going to be the best three days ever.

Look at us.

The three musketeers together again.

The four musketeers.

Oh, sophia, look! Dorothy's here!

Ma.

Pussycat.

Ma, I'm over here.

Get the hell away from me.

Pussycat!

Oh, isn't this wonderful?

We're all back together again.

Group hug, everybody.

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh.

I've never really been as into this as they are.

I got to get back.

Oh, it is so wonderful to see you all again.

And the place is beautiful.

I can't wait to see my room.

Oh, dorothy, we're just booked solid.

I hope you don't mind

Doubling up with one of us.

I'll sleep with rose.

She has the fluffiest pillows.

You don't mind, do you, dear?

No. That's fine.

Well, great.

Let's--let's show you the rest of the hotel.

Oh, other group hug!

Wait a minute! No, no, no, no, no!

Yeah, yeah.

That guy at table four

Asked again where his english muffins are.

You tell that ungrateful vermin at table four

If he doesn't shut up,

I'll pour hot butter in his nooks and crannies.

Roland, thank god you're here.

That dining room is packed.

Chuy hasn't shown up for work.

Do you have any idea where he might be?

What, chuy's still missing?

This is all my fault that he's missing.

Why? What are you talking about?

Well, he was so depressed about his divorce.

I thought he needed to get out, have fun.

I took him to the velvet slipper last night.

Why would I take him to a sley dive?

I knew that was you.

I knew that was you.

O.K., you guys.

I'm ready to go to the beach.

Actually, - this isn't a great time.

Chuy didn't show up for work,

And we're swamped.

All right. I bussed the tables.

Ma, what are you doing?

This is way too heavy.

I do it three times a day, every day.

Besides, it's no heavier than you were

When you were born.

Ma, this tub must weigh 30 pounds.

That's exactly what the doctor said when he delivered you.

This is not what we planned for this weekend,

But would you mind giving us a hand today?

Well, honey, of course not.

I have had a little experience with this.

Really?

Oh, sure. When I was little,

I used to pretend I was a waitress.

Ma would play along with me,

Pretend to be my customer.

I'd serve her her dinner,

She'd complain about the service,

And threaten not to tip.

We sure had fun.

But after a while,

She had me playing waitress all the time--

When she had a dinner party,

When her bridge club came over.

I thought it was a game.

I mean,

What reason did a 5-year-old have

For not trusting her own mother?

Here we go again.

You used me!

It was our quality time.

Quality time?

You referred to me as "the help."

It was a nickname.

On thursdays,

You lent me out to the neighbors.

So, you learned a trade.

Ingratitude,

That's all I've gotten from any of my employees--

Kids. My kids.

All right, sir.

Here you go.

Excuse me.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Uh, like what?

Aren't you going to say, "have a nice d"?

No.

Look, in the 45 minutes I served you,

You complained about the food,

The coffee, the service,

And said that in my case,

A sprinkle a day

Wasn't quite doing the trick.

I don't care if you have a pulse,

Much less a nice day.

Then...

Then you owe me some pie.

What?

It says at the bottom of the menu,

If any waitress doesn't say, "have a nice day,"

She must give the customer a piece of pie...

For free.

You owe me some pie.

This is ridiculous.

What idiot would institute a policy like that?

Have a nice day.

How about this?

You tell me to have a nice day now,

And I'll skip the piece of pie.

Have a nice day.

I can't hear you.

Have a nice day.

Now say it like you mean it.

I'll go get your pie.

Rose, do we have anything that gets out stains?

I don't think we do.

Why do you ask?

[male customer] hey, this is my best suit!

I spilled something.

Here's the last box of tomatoes.

I'll tell roland to order more.

Whew.

Ma, what's the matter?

What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm just catching my breath.

I've seen what's been going on.

Rose and blanche are working you too hard.

You're white as a sheet.

That's because I'm in-between heartbeats.

Come back in 15 minutes.

I'll look like the last of the mohicans.

Lucas?

It's me.

Oh, honey, I miss you, too.

No, no. Ma's o.K.

Actually, she's not, honey.

That's what I'm calling you about.

Remember what we talked about,

You know, before I left?

Well, after seeing what's going on around here,

I think...

I think - the best thing for ma

Is if she comes home to live with us.

Chuy, where have you been?

We've been worried sick.

I called everywhere looking for you.

You o.K.?

Yeah, I'm fine. I was busy.

Busy doing what?

Wait for me, sweetie.

Busy...

Getting married.

Chuy, please tell us that this is a joke.

No, it's no joke.

Uh, roland, rose, blanche,

I'd like you to meet, uh...

Beverly...

My wife.

We met last night at the velvet slipper.

I was behind him in the rumba line.

He had the cutest butt I had ever seen.

Please. Is that any reason to marry a man?

She's right.

How could you be so shallow?

What about the chest?

What about the shoulders?

Look, chuy, this is crazy.

You two don't know anything about one another.

We spent a lot of time talking last night.

We told each other our life story.

I know everything there is to know about him.

Chuy castillos, where have you been?

Our last name is castillos?

Hey, look, can we all talk about this later?

Oh, you stay right there, sweetie.

I'll go get the bags.

You already have luggage with this woman.

I just got married. Can't you guys be happy?

Oh, we're sorry, chuy.

So, w-w-was it a nice wedding?

I guess so.

I don't remember too much about it.

Just we used the tequila worm as a witness.

Look, that is it.

We're going to tell beverly

This has been a mistake.

We're going to find that worm,

Get that judge, annul this thing.

Come on.

What's all this "we" business?

This is my life and my decision.

I say we're going to give this marriage a shot.

Come on. You haven't even dated her.

You don't know anything about her.

Marriage is serious.

It's not something you just hop into,

Like a bed.

I know it's kind of sudden.

Who says we can't be happy?

I just don't believe this.

How could this have happened?

O.K. I admit it. I got a little drunk.

You had one margarita.

I'd hate to see what happened if you had two.

Chuy, I'm crazy about the new car you bought me.

That's what happens.

Oh, good. You're all here.

We need to talk.

I guess we need to talk.

We haven't had one minute to sit down and gab.

I want--

Wait.

We're talking about sex?

Duh.

Well, should I get out the cheesecake?

Duh. - Duh. Duh.

Gotcha!

I'll get the plates.

You know, I really have missed you guys.

Oh, dorothy,

And we have missed you, too.

Oh, boy, this is going to be just like old times.

O.K., now, dorothy,

I want you to tell us

Everything about the honeymoon.

Well...

We got to the airport late.

But lucas managed to find--

Yeah, yeah. Who cares?

How was the sex?

I know it's been a while,

But didn't we used to let these stories build--

We were younger, we had more time.

How was the sex?

Well, I probably shouldn't be telling you this,

But, um...

Lucas and I - did a little experimenting.

And?

Well, I tell you, it was amazing.

For the first time in my life,

I just shed all my inhibitions.

I--I--I took risks,

I threw caution to the wind.

What happened?

Well, for starters,

I left the lights on.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Madonna!

Well, I know you girls think I'm aggressive,

But george was a wild man.

He was so impetuous.

I remember one night after dinner,

He took me right there

On the dining room table.

Were you surprised?

Well, when you've been lying naked

On the lazy susan,

You kind of expect a little action.

Dorothy, you o.K.?

I'm--I'm fine.

I tell you,

There's something that I really have

To talk to you guys about.

It's a little difficult for me.

Well, for goodness sakes,

You never had any problem talking to us before.

What's wrong?

Well, first of all,

I know how difficult

This business has been for you,

And I think you've done a terrific job.

It's an awful lot of work.

So, what are you getting at?

Well, I think that ma is much too old

To be working this hard.

I want her to come back to atlanta with me.

What?

But we need sophia. We depend on her.

You depend on her too much.

But she enjoys the work,

And we make sure she doesn't overdo it.

Can I say something?

Look, I know that you've done your best.

If you care about ma,

You won't fight me.

And you care so much

That this is the first time you visited

In four months.

Can I say something?

Look, after the wedding,

Lucas and I needed time together.

I thought about ma every day.

Well, I think about

Nick nolte every day.

That doesn't give me the right

To kidnap him, does it?

Does it?

Look, I think I know what's best for ma.

We think you don't.

Can I say something here?

Boy, it just went out of my head.

Ma...

Wait. I remember.

If anyone's going to decide where I'm going to live,

It's going to be me.

O.K. Where is that?

More importantly, whom do you want to live with?

Remember, one of us is your flesh and blood.

Yeah, but also remember,

Two of us didn't pututou in a home.

Ball's in your court, pussycat.

Look, ma,

Just make a decision.

And if I can't?

We'll make it for you.

Uh...

I need some time.

I'm going to my room.

I can't believe

I'm being forced to choose between the three of you.

Hey, morning, rose.

Oh, morning, chuy.

Thank you for yesterday.

You're the only one

That didn't give me grief about marrying beverly.

Well, I just figure it's your life.

If you want to throw it away

Marrying some cheap tart in a drunken stupor,

Who am I to object?

You're a good friend.

Has she come down yet?

Who?

Amelia earhart, rose.

Ma.

Has ma come down to tell us her decision?

Not yet.

Then I'll have to make the decision for her.

She's coming home with me.

Dorothy...

Look, I'm sorry.

I only want what's best for ma.

We all want what's best.

All right, dorothy.

I hope you're satisfied.

Look, don't start again.

I've made my decision about ma.

Oh, really?

I just went up to her room, and...

Her suitcase is gone.

This was on her dresser.

Well, what does it say?

"I can't choose between my own daughter

"and two women I think of as daughters.

I'm sorry. I just can't."

Well, I don't understand.

What does this mean?

It means sophia has run away.

Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.