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1
00:00:01,867 --> 00:00:04,002
♪ o ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
2
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:07,005
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
3
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,475
♪ travel down the road
and back again ♪
4
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:12,477
♪ your heart is true ♪
5
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:17,282
♪ you're a pal
and a confidante ♪
6
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,752
♪ and if you threw
a party ♪
7
00:00:20,819 --> 00:00:24,756
♪ invited everyone
you knew ♪
8
00:00:24,823 --> 00:00:26,558
♪ you would see ♪
9
00:00:26,625 --> 00:00:29,261
♪ the biggest gift
would be from me ♪
10
00:00:29,328 --> 00:00:31,329
♪ and the card attached
would say ♪
11
00:00:31,397 --> 00:00:33,998
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
12
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:35,733
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
13
00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:37,869
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
14
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:41,306
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪♪
15
00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:48,280
Captioning made possible by
witt/thomas/harris productions,
cbs television network,
16
00:00:48,347 --> 00:00:51,316
And 1992 nci caption club/
grantsmanship
17
00:01:06,165 --> 00:01:07,099
Hey, shorty.
18
00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:09,701
Hey, wrinkly.
19
00:01:09,768 --> 00:01:11,203
Need help
with your homework?
20
00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:12,237
Kind of.
21
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,705
I'm studying
the technical names
22
00:01:13,772 --> 00:01:15,073
For all
the body parts.
23
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,075
I can't figure out
what this thing is.
24
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,176
That's a throat bone.
25
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,877
There's no bone
in the throat.
26
00:01:19,945 --> 00:01:20,945
There isn't?
27
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:24,549
Hey, I'm choking.
28
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,084
[coughs]
29
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,052
Sophia!
30
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,053
Hey, roland.
31
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:31,022
Can you help me
with my homework?
32
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,057
Yeah, in the office.
I'll be right there.
33
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,494
You don't
have to be here.
You're off tonight.
34
00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:38,196
I kind of
want to stay in
for oliver.
35
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,265
It's o.K.,
I'm a workaholic.
36
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:43,901
Oh, my god! He's been
drinking workahol?
37
00:01:49,575 --> 00:01:52,810
[coughing]
38
00:01:52,878 --> 00:01:53,945
You o.K.?
39
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:56,448
I've been floating
around the ceiling
40
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,150
Dead for three minutes,
41
00:01:58,217 --> 00:02:00,152
Rose, don't you think
it's strange
42
00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:01,953
That roland hasn't taken
one night off
43
00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:03,255
Since we've been here?
44
00:02:03,322 --> 00:02:04,789
And I know why.
45
00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:05,790
He's lonely.
46
00:02:05,858 --> 00:02:07,259
He hasn't been dating.
47
00:02:07,326 --> 00:02:09,261
He has no love
in his life.
48
00:02:09,328 --> 00:02:11,963
I should know.
I'm the expert on love.
49
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:13,465
Oh, please, get real!
50
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:18,470
You've had what,
three men
in the last 40 years?
51
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:22,140
I had that many between
the kennedy and oswald
assassinations.
52
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:26,778
How many
of that faceless horde
say, "I love you"?
53
00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:29,481
If I touch them
in the right place,
54
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:32,850
I can get them to say,
"it's howdy doody time."
55
00:02:32,918 --> 00:02:34,352
Roland needs a girl,
56
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:37,021
And I'm the one
to find her, not you.
57
00:02:37,089 --> 00:02:40,091
Let's not make this
into a contest, rose.
58
00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:42,360
Why not? Chicken?
59
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:43,428
No!
60
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,197
Afraid I know more
about men than you?
61
00:02:45,264 --> 00:02:46,931
No. I just don't think
we should meddle.
62
00:02:46,999 --> 00:02:48,966
[clucking]
63
00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:54,772
Don't you dare
cluck at me,
rose nylund.
64
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,541
I would accept
your challenge,
65
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:58,543
But it just
wouldn't be fair.
66
00:02:58,611 --> 00:02:59,911
Even if you did,
you'd both lose.
67
00:02:59,978 --> 00:03:01,946
I think there's
a simple reason
68
00:03:02,014 --> 00:03:02,947
Roland doesn't
date women.
69
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:03,915
Why?
70
00:03:03,982 --> 00:03:06,318
Because they're not men.
71
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,254
Oh, you don't mean...
72
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,756
Please, I haven't
seen a flame that big
73
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,359
Since I went
to arlington cemetery.
74
00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:24,101
Terrible!
75
00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:25,068
A good
marinara sauce
76
00:03:25,136 --> 00:03:27,571
Has to simmer
at least 24 hours.
77
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,340
That's clam chowder.
78
00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:32,443
Perfect.
79
00:03:33,679 --> 00:03:35,746
Where did
I put my glasses?
80
00:03:35,814 --> 00:03:37,281
Hey, everybody,
the tv station called,
81
00:03:37,349 --> 00:03:40,150
And they want our chef
to do a cooking segment
82
00:03:40,218 --> 00:03:41,919
On good morning, mii.
83
00:03:43,154 --> 00:03:47,525
I'll do it, but
this is the last time.
84
00:03:47,592 --> 00:03:51,161
We have a chance
to promote the hotel
on television,
85
00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:52,996
And I'm going
to let you go on
86
00:03:53,064 --> 00:03:54,164
And blurt something out?
87
00:03:54,232 --> 00:03:55,966
What do you mean,
88
00:03:56,034 --> 00:03:58,436
You sealy posturpedic
with a face?
89
00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:01,539
Look, sophia,
90
00:04:01,606 --> 00:04:05,509
I know that you're
a better chef...
91
00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:08,612
But I have
tv experience.
92
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:09,613
Really?
93
00:04:09,681 --> 00:04:11,615
Oh, yeah.
Super bowl xxi.
94
00:04:11,683 --> 00:04:14,685
That was me behind
brent musburger,
remember?
95
00:04:17,055 --> 00:04:19,557
Tough choice,
but I think
chuy should go.
96
00:04:19,624 --> 00:04:21,559
Sophia, don't
take it personally.
97
00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:23,761
It's just that chuy...
98
00:04:23,829 --> 00:04:25,295
Well, honey,
chuy can see.
99
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:26,797
Keep talking,
blanche.
100
00:04:26,865 --> 00:04:29,032
Keep talking, 'cause
I'm zoning in.
101
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:30,534
Keep talking,
blanche.
102
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:32,436
She went
this way.
103
00:04:32,504 --> 00:04:34,472
Roland, shouldn't
you be out on the desk?
104
00:04:34,539 --> 00:04:35,973
Yeah. Back to work.
105
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,677
Well,
that's the last time
roland will be single,
106
00:04:39,745 --> 00:04:41,278
Because in about
five minutes,
107
00:04:41,346 --> 00:04:43,781
A beautiful woman
is going to walk
into his life.
108
00:04:43,849 --> 00:04:46,817
I'll win the bet,
and you'll be the loser!
109
00:04:46,885 --> 00:04:48,486
Now wait a minute!
110
00:04:48,553 --> 00:04:50,454
I thought we decided
we weren't going through
111
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:51,856
With that
silly competition.
112
00:04:51,923 --> 00:04:53,357
Part of the secret
of winning
113
00:04:53,425 --> 00:04:55,559
Is knowing the game
has begun.
114
00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:57,561
Now if you'll
excuse me,
115
00:04:57,629 --> 00:05:01,565
I have to go
meet the future
mrs. Roland wilson.
116
00:05:01,633 --> 00:05:03,834
No fair! No fair!
117
00:05:03,902 --> 00:05:06,604
"no fair! No fair!"
118
00:05:06,671 --> 00:05:09,607
The mating call
of the loser.
119
00:05:11,676 --> 00:05:14,612
Rose nylund is not
going to beat me
at matchmaking.
120
00:05:14,679 --> 00:05:18,115
Now where can I find
some delicate
young creature
121
00:05:18,182 --> 00:05:20,117
That would appeal
to roland?
122
00:05:20,184 --> 00:05:21,685
Delivery.
123
00:05:24,456 --> 00:05:28,392
Do you have a minute
to meet a gorgeous man?
124
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:29,627
Can I freshen up first?
125
00:05:29,694 --> 00:05:30,694
Oh, sure.
126
00:05:32,831 --> 00:05:34,398
I'm fresh.
127
00:05:39,504 --> 00:05:41,271
Fix your hair.
Fix your hair.
128
00:05:41,339 --> 00:05:42,840
Wet your lips.
129
00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:48,446
Sir, the golden palace
doesn't offer
that service.
130
00:05:48,513 --> 00:05:51,114
If you leave your shoes
outside your room,
131
00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:53,751
They won't be shined,
they'll be gone.
132
00:05:56,054 --> 00:05:56,987
Roland?
133
00:05:57,055 --> 00:05:58,656
Yeah--aah!
134
00:06:02,494 --> 00:06:04,995
Roland, this is
a friend of mine
135
00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:07,965
That I just think
you're really
going to like.
136
00:06:08,032 --> 00:06:09,800
What's her name?
137
00:06:09,868 --> 00:06:11,335
Roy.
138
00:06:14,806 --> 00:06:16,874
Actually,
this isn't my smock.
139
00:06:16,942 --> 00:06:17,975
That's enough, roy.
140
00:06:18,042 --> 00:06:19,477
I just feel like
you two
141
00:06:19,544 --> 00:06:21,979
Can really
make a go of it.
142
00:06:22,046 --> 00:06:25,516
Uh, could
you excuse us?
143
00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:28,519
Blanche,
this woman is covered
in meat stains.
144
00:06:28,587 --> 00:06:30,521
She's scaring away
the guests.
145
00:06:30,589 --> 00:06:33,023
I'm sure
she's a nice person,
146
00:06:33,091 --> 00:06:36,093
And really,
it's not her...
147
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,629
It's the blood
and the hook.
148
00:06:40,365 --> 00:06:41,298
Stop it.
149
00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:43,266
Why are you
sisting this?
150
00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:45,469
You're
both so similar.
151
00:06:45,537 --> 00:06:47,137
Similar? In what way?
152
00:06:47,205 --> 00:06:48,639
Well, you're both...
153
00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:50,641
You know,
you both have...
154
00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:52,142
Well, you're both...
155
00:06:52,210 --> 00:06:53,644
We're both black.
156
00:06:53,712 --> 00:06:54,645
Right? Black?
157
00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:56,780
Hey, you know what?
158
00:06:59,684 --> 00:07:00,618
Blanche!
159
00:07:00,685 --> 00:07:01,652
Oh, all right!
160
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,654
I don't know
a lot of black people.
161
00:07:03,722 --> 00:07:05,623
Besides, this is just
to tide you over.
162
00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:06,657
I'm still looking.
163
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:07,658
Sorry, roy.
164
00:07:07,726 --> 00:07:09,760
You know how men are.
165
00:07:09,828 --> 00:07:11,996
No, I don't.
166
00:07:12,063 --> 00:07:13,998
Blanche,
you make me sick.
167
00:07:14,065 --> 00:07:17,001
Fixing him up
because of his
skin color.
168
00:07:17,068 --> 00:07:19,302
I've got someone
who'll like roland
for roland.
169
00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:22,506
Oh, there you are,
mr. Ricchuitti.
170
00:07:22,574 --> 00:07:25,009
How do you
like your room?
171
00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:27,511
Oh, it's exquisite.
Thank you, very much.
172
00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:30,514
Now where's this
tasty little slim-jim
173
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:33,050
You've been
filling my ears with?
174
00:07:35,554 --> 00:07:37,054
I'm with her.
175
00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:43,594
Sophia!
How could you?
176
00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:44,662
He's a guest.
177
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:46,664
I'm bringing him in
as an expert.
178
00:07:46,731 --> 00:07:48,766
He'll ask
a few questions,
we'll get an answer.
179
00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:49,733
Potpourri?
180
00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:51,702
No. Thank you.
181
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:55,539
Straight, no chaser.
182
00:08:00,912 --> 00:08:04,347
I don't need your help
with my personal life.
183
00:08:04,415 --> 00:08:06,483
Now I don't want you
meddling any more.
184
00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:08,819
Roland,
this is joanne.
185
00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,822
This is the last time
I'm going to do this.
186
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:14,324
Hi, I'm roland wilson,
raging heterosexual.
187
00:08:14,392 --> 00:08:16,460
So nice to meet you.
188
00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:22,566
It's nice to meet you.
189
00:08:25,837 --> 00:08:27,237
Ha! I win!
190
00:08:27,305 --> 00:08:28,271
Oh!
191
00:08:28,339 --> 00:08:32,076
Roland wins.
It's a win-win situation.
192
00:08:32,143 --> 00:08:34,078
Aw, except for you,
blanche.
193
00:08:34,145 --> 00:08:35,879
You lose.
194
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:40,517
I will not be beaten
by that woman.
195
00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:43,053
Oh, she makes me
so mad.
196
00:08:43,121 --> 00:08:44,554
Don't sweat it.
197
00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:46,556
That date
won't work out.
198
00:08:46,625 --> 00:08:48,659
I think roland's
still hung up
on trisha.
199
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:49,727
Trisha who?
200
00:08:49,794 --> 00:08:50,728
Trisha waters.
201
00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:52,229
She's roland's
old girlfriend.
202
00:08:52,296 --> 00:08:53,731
I've seen pictures.
203
00:08:53,798 --> 00:08:55,365
She's really pretty.
204
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,635
Why did they break up?
205
00:08:57,702 --> 00:09:00,370
I guess because
she moved back
to atlanta.
206
00:09:00,438 --> 00:09:03,941
Atlanta, huh?
207
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:08,512
I don't think
this contest
is quite over yet.
208
00:09:11,449 --> 00:09:13,383
Hey!
209
00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:16,854
What did you just do?
210
00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:18,689
Nothing.
211
00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:20,991
You put that sugar
in the soup.
212
00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:22,960
Oh, I did not.
213
00:09:23,028 --> 00:09:27,297
You want
to make me look bad
so you can go on tv.
214
00:09:27,365 --> 00:09:29,366
That...Really hurts me.
215
00:09:29,433 --> 00:09:31,535
I'm a wounded bird.
216
00:09:33,237 --> 00:09:35,139
I'm sorry, sophia.
217
00:09:35,206 --> 00:09:36,473
I was acting,
you idiot.
218
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:39,176
I was born
to be on tv.
219
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:46,016
Chuy,
I just did the most
wonderful thing.
220
00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:47,885
You can't tell anybody.
221
00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:49,086
What, blanche?
222
00:09:49,154 --> 00:09:50,587
I found
the phone number
223
00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:52,089
Of roland's
old girlfriend, trisha.
224
00:09:52,157 --> 00:09:55,492
I sent her a ticket,
and she'll be here soon.
225
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:56,960
Isn't t that wonderful?
226
00:09:57,028 --> 00:09:58,962
Yes, it is. By the way,
227
00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:02,700
You must promise never
to do anything wonderful
for me.
228
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:09,139
So, roland,
how was your lunch
with joanne?
229
00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:10,674
It was great,
incredible.
230
00:10:10,742 --> 00:10:12,009
This girl is great.
231
00:10:12,077 --> 00:10:13,510
Yeah.
Really?
232
00:10:13,578 --> 00:10:15,512
I didn't think
she was quite right.
233
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,047
Of course, I don't know
234
00:10:17,115 --> 00:10:19,216
Any other womenn
you've gone out with.
235
00:10:19,283 --> 00:10:22,986
But isn't there
anyone you can't seem
to forget?
236
00:10:23,054 --> 00:10:25,488
Only one, actually,
trisha.
237
00:10:25,556 --> 00:10:26,489
Trisha?
238
00:10:26,557 --> 00:10:27,457
Yeah. God!
239
00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:29,993
What a miserable
experience that was.
240
00:10:33,064 --> 00:10:34,765
Why? Wasn't she pretty?
241
00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:36,900
Yeah, but she
just suffocated me.
242
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:38,902
She was
so possessive
and clinging.
243
00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:40,904
Always had to
have her hands
on me.
244
00:10:40,972 --> 00:10:43,907
She had this game
called "mr. Walking
fingers."
245
00:10:43,975 --> 00:10:45,675
I can't talk
about this, blanche.
246
00:10:45,744 --> 00:10:48,846
Oh, god!
What a nightmare!
247
00:10:48,913 --> 00:10:51,348
How'd you
get rid of her?
248
00:10:51,415 --> 00:10:53,917
I told her
a widdle wie.
249
00:10:56,387 --> 00:10:59,422
Roland, I need
to talk to you now.
250
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:00,624
I'm on the phone.
251
00:11:00,691 --> 00:11:02,592
Yeah, joanne.
I had a great time, too.
252
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:03,994
It'll
just take a minute.
253
00:11:04,062 --> 00:11:06,997
I'm going to
look forward to that.
254
00:11:07,065 --> 00:11:07,965
Bye.
255
00:11:08,032 --> 00:11:10,267
This girl is terrific!
256
00:11:10,334 --> 00:11:12,302
I have to
tell you something.
257
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:14,704
I was upset
with you guys before,
258
00:11:14,773 --> 00:11:16,406
But joanne is great.
259
00:11:16,474 --> 00:11:20,577
Well,
love is my field
of expertise.
260
00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:23,346
For the first time
in a long time,
261
00:11:23,414 --> 00:11:25,849
My life is finally
coming together.
262
00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:28,118
Hello, wover.
263
00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:32,890
Guess who?
264
00:11:32,957 --> 00:11:36,193
Please, god, tell me
it's elmer fudd.
265
00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:47,036
Oh, roland.
266
00:11:47,104 --> 00:11:49,438
I was just stunned
when I got your telegram.
267
00:11:49,506 --> 00:11:52,508
And you didn't
need to send
the plane ticket.
268
00:11:52,576 --> 00:11:55,478
I would have been happy
to pay for it myself.
269
00:11:55,545 --> 00:11:57,646
Now you tell me.
270
00:11:57,714 --> 00:11:58,681
What?
271
00:11:58,749 --> 00:12:01,184
Now you tell me
her name.
272
00:12:01,252 --> 00:12:03,686
This is where
you introduce us.
273
00:12:03,754 --> 00:12:05,821
Oh, uh, blanche
this is trisha.
274
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:07,023
She's an
old...Friend.
275
00:12:07,091 --> 00:12:08,457
Oh, well, trisha.
276
00:12:08,525 --> 00:12:10,226
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
277
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,728
Roland isn't quite
telling the truth.
278
00:12:12,796 --> 00:12:14,730
I'm more than
just an old friend.
279
00:12:14,798 --> 00:12:15,865
I'm an old girlfriend.
280
00:12:15,933 --> 00:12:17,367
We used to date.
281
00:12:17,434 --> 00:12:21,004
Right up until the time
he entered the priesthood.
282
00:12:25,342 --> 00:12:27,210
Priesthood?
283
00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:29,712
Yes, uh, trisha was
the last girl I dated
284
00:12:29,780 --> 00:12:35,718
Before I tried my hand
at...Priesting.
285
00:12:35,786 --> 00:12:36,819
I can't believe this.
286
00:12:36,887 --> 00:12:39,822
Trisha has called down
25 times today.
287
00:12:39,890 --> 00:12:41,824
She won't
leave me alone,
288
00:12:41,892 --> 00:12:43,326
And look at this.
289
00:12:43,394 --> 00:12:44,827
She had
a pot roast delivered.
290
00:12:44,895 --> 00:12:46,662
God only knows
what this means.
291
00:12:46,730 --> 00:12:49,198
Oh, wait,
this is from roy.
292
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:54,304
Two terrific women
to choose from,
293
00:12:54,371 --> 00:12:56,372
But I still cast my vote
for trisha.
294
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,374
Haven't you heard
a word I've said?
295
00:12:58,442 --> 00:12:59,875
I don't want trisha.
296
00:12:59,944 --> 00:13:01,577
I can't keep
running from her.
297
00:13:01,645 --> 00:13:04,580
You probably don't
want to talk about
my personal life.
298
00:13:04,648 --> 00:13:06,950
Yes, we do.
299
00:13:07,017 --> 00:13:08,251
I know you guys
300
00:13:08,319 --> 00:13:10,653
Eat your cheesecake
and tell your stories,
301
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:13,823
But who's going to
have a story about
being madly pursued?
302
00:13:13,890 --> 00:13:15,391
I do.
I have one. I do.
303
00:13:15,459 --> 00:13:16,359
Swim, man!
304
00:13:16,427 --> 00:13:18,194
Swim for your life!
305
00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:20,163
Why don't I begin?
306
00:13:20,230 --> 00:13:22,231
Because we hate
that southern crap!
307
00:13:22,299 --> 00:13:24,733
The moonshine,
the mosquitoes,
the inbreeding.
308
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:28,737
Please, I get pregnant
just listening
to that stuff.
309
00:13:28,805 --> 00:13:31,941
Would you prefer
to listen to rose
ramble on
310
00:13:32,009 --> 00:13:33,676
About
tap-dancing chickens?
311
00:13:34,878 --> 00:13:36,312
And her recipes
312
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:40,950
For yergen flergen
bergen gergen flergen?
313
00:13:41,018 --> 00:13:44,720
You pronounce it
just like a tourist.
314
00:13:44,788 --> 00:13:47,190
Besides, what would
you rather hear?
315
00:13:47,257 --> 00:13:48,791
"picture it, sicily?"
316
00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:52,261
In seven years,
I've never been able
to picture sicily.
317
00:13:52,329 --> 00:13:57,133
So either
bring in a photograph
or shut up.
318
00:13:57,201 --> 00:13:59,102
I shouldn't have
brought this up.
319
00:13:59,169 --> 00:14:00,970
It's my problem.
I'll deal with it.
320
00:14:01,038 --> 00:14:02,738
O.K.,
I'll skip the story.
321
00:14:02,806 --> 00:14:03,939
Although
you should know
322
00:14:04,008 --> 00:14:06,775
That mine resulted
in a bare-chested brawl
323
00:14:06,843 --> 00:14:09,578
And involved a man
named jerry lee lewis.
324
00:14:09,646 --> 00:14:11,814
Mine had
enzo ferrari.
325
00:14:11,882 --> 00:14:14,283
Mayor mccheese.
326
00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:19,688
Can I ask a question?
327
00:14:19,756 --> 00:14:21,090
Why'd you lie to her?
328
00:14:21,158 --> 00:14:22,791
Come on, blanche.
You've met her.
329
00:14:22,859 --> 00:14:24,994
She just cares
about me so much,
330
00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:27,230
I didn't think
she could take
the rejection.
331
00:14:27,297 --> 00:14:29,899
I'll just
have to figure out
something.
332
00:14:29,966 --> 00:14:31,401
This is my problem,
333
00:14:31,468 --> 00:14:33,403
But thanks
for being friends.
334
00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:36,039
I just wish
I knew what sick,
twisted mind
335
00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:38,274
Could concoct such
a hurtful scheme.
336
00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:42,678
Ahem. Maybe one
of your friends
could help you.
337
00:14:42,746 --> 00:14:45,448
There's something
I want to say, friend.
338
00:14:45,516 --> 00:14:47,450
Well,
what is it, pal?
339
00:14:47,518 --> 00:14:50,053
I'm the one
who sent for her,
buddy.
340
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,121
You did what,
dead woman?
341
00:14:54,358 --> 00:14:56,292
Yeah,
I sent for trisha.
342
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,562
I guess I just
got competitive
with rose, and I--
343
00:14:59,629 --> 00:15:02,898
Lost!
You lost, and I won!
344
00:15:02,966 --> 00:15:05,000
I kicked your rump!
345
00:15:05,069 --> 00:15:08,204
That's enough,
you chucklehead.
346
00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,706
I just wanted
to make you happy.
347
00:15:10,774 --> 00:15:13,443
By reuniting me
with the woman
I can't stand?
348
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:15,844
I know it doesn't
look good now,
349
00:15:15,912 --> 00:15:17,846
But love is my field
of expertise.
350
00:15:17,914 --> 00:15:18,847
Well, blanche,
351
00:15:18,915 --> 00:15:21,784
You really
crossed the line
this time.
352
00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:25,754
[telephone rings]
353
00:15:27,824 --> 00:15:30,460
[ring]
354
00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:34,297
[ring]
355
00:15:34,364 --> 00:15:35,465
Aren't you
going to answer it?
356
00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:36,466
What?
357
00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:37,567
The phone's ringing.
358
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:41,471
It's been
ringing all day.
I'm not deaf.
359
00:15:41,538 --> 00:15:44,073
Yeah,
I'm not deaf,
either.
360
00:15:44,141 --> 00:15:45,074
Golden palace.
361
00:15:45,142 --> 00:15:46,041
Certainly.
362
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:48,677
For how many
nights
would that be?
363
00:15:48,745 --> 00:15:52,081
Sophia, the phone
stopped ringing.
364
00:15:53,083 --> 00:15:55,084
I suppose
this will go down
365
00:15:55,152 --> 00:15:56,685
On my
permanent record.
366
00:15:57,988 --> 00:15:59,422
That was trisha's room.
367
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,924
I just can't
talk to her.
368
00:16:01,992 --> 00:16:03,493
I shouldn't
talk to you.
369
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:04,960
I know you're upset,
370
00:16:05,028 --> 00:16:06,429
But we can't
lose business.
371
00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:08,931
If you won't
get the phone,
let sophia get it.
372
00:16:08,999 --> 00:16:11,267
Golden palace.
373
00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:12,901
No ring
that time, either.
374
00:16:12,969 --> 00:16:15,971
A little joke
to relieve the tension.
375
00:16:16,039 --> 00:16:19,008
Why here you are.
376
00:16:19,075 --> 00:16:20,743
"meet me at the airport."
377
00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:23,012
What a joker.
378
00:16:23,079 --> 00:16:24,247
What will we do today?
379
00:16:24,314 --> 00:16:25,648
I can't do anything.
380
00:16:25,715 --> 00:16:26,649
I've got to work.
381
00:16:26,716 --> 00:16:28,651
I thought
you wanted to see me.
382
00:16:28,718 --> 00:16:30,719
Isn't that why
you sent for me?
383
00:16:30,787 --> 00:16:32,488
You just don't
get it, do you?
384
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,957
Get it?
No, I don't get it.
385
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:36,025
I'm not getting it,
either.
386
00:16:36,092 --> 00:16:38,461
Let it ring.
387
00:16:40,631 --> 00:16:42,031
We need to talk.
388
00:16:42,098 --> 00:16:44,567
Let's go in
the other room.
389
00:16:44,635 --> 00:16:45,601
Roland.
390
00:16:45,669 --> 00:16:47,436
What will
you tell her?
391
00:16:47,504 --> 00:16:48,404
Any suggestions?
392
00:16:48,472 --> 00:16:50,939
Oh, wait, you've
gone too far
393
00:16:51,007 --> 00:16:52,775
To help me already.
394
00:16:52,842 --> 00:16:55,545
Tell her the truth.
She's not a child.
395
00:16:55,612 --> 00:16:57,146
It'll hurt her
too much.
396
00:16:57,214 --> 00:16:59,148
It'll hurt her
either way.
397
00:16:59,216 --> 00:17:00,650
Just be honest.
398
00:17:00,717 --> 00:17:03,553
Deep down, everybody
wants to hear the truth.
399
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:05,054
She'll thank you later.
400
00:17:05,121 --> 00:17:07,557
You didn't thank me
when I told you
401
00:17:07,624 --> 00:17:10,626
You looked like
a cheese blintz
in a wig.
402
00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:14,129
Trish?
403
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,602
This is very
difficult for me,
404
00:17:19,670 --> 00:17:23,105
But if we don't
have honesty
in this friendship,
405
00:17:23,173 --> 00:17:26,375
Then we don't have
anything at all.
406
00:17:26,443 --> 00:17:30,479
What I'm
about to tell you
is the truth.
407
00:17:30,547 --> 00:17:32,981
My mother
was kidnapped
by afghani rebels,
408
00:17:33,049 --> 00:17:35,618
And I must go to her.
409
00:17:36,786 --> 00:17:37,820
Again?
410
00:17:38,888 --> 00:17:41,224
Trish,
I was never a priest.
411
00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:42,858
I never
even left florida.
412
00:17:42,926 --> 00:17:44,360
Roland,
I've always known.
413
00:17:44,428 --> 00:17:48,331
I knew when
you came up with
that ridiculous story.
414
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:50,233
Which one?
415
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,767
All of them.
416
00:17:51,835 --> 00:17:53,336
I'm not an idiot.
417
00:17:53,403 --> 00:17:55,671
Then why did you
come back here?
418
00:17:55,739 --> 00:17:58,140
Because when
I got your telegram,
419
00:17:58,208 --> 00:18:00,175
I thought you wanted
to see me.
420
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:02,211
And I wanted to take
one more shot
421
00:18:02,279 --> 00:18:03,212
At making this work.
422
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,648
There's so many
good things we had.
423
00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:08,217
So many good times
we had.
424
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:09,418
Remember?
425
00:18:09,486 --> 00:18:14,857
Mr. Walking fingers
climbing up
roland mountain.
426
00:18:14,924 --> 00:18:16,359
Stop it! Stop it!
427
00:18:16,426 --> 00:18:17,360
No.
428
00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:19,595
Look, you stop it.
429
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:21,397
I didn't send you
that telegram.
430
00:18:21,465 --> 00:18:22,398
Blanche did.
431
00:18:24,401 --> 00:18:25,301
I'm sorry.
432
00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:27,536
I--I just don't
love you.
433
00:18:27,604 --> 00:18:29,104
You don't love me?
434
00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:31,106
No, I--I don't.
435
00:18:32,609 --> 00:18:34,209
Can I ask why?
436
00:18:34,278 --> 00:18:36,211
There's never
just one reason
437
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,713
Why somebody doesn't
love somebody,
438
00:18:37,781 --> 00:18:40,716
But if I had to
pick one,
439
00:18:40,784 --> 00:18:42,851
I guess it's 'cause
you suffocate me.
440
00:18:42,919 --> 00:18:44,420
I do?
441
00:18:44,488 --> 00:18:46,389
I'm sure that
there's some guy
442
00:18:46,456 --> 00:18:48,391
Who really wants
a beautiful woman
443
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:50,859
To love him
the way that
you love me.
444
00:18:50,927 --> 00:18:52,861
But that just
can't be me.
445
00:18:52,929 --> 00:18:53,862
I'm sorry.
446
00:18:53,930 --> 00:18:56,532
Well...
447
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,769
At least you were
finally honest with me.
448
00:19:01,338 --> 00:19:05,040
You know why
I was hung up on you?
449
00:19:05,108 --> 00:19:06,108
No, why?
450
00:19:06,176 --> 00:19:08,076
Because you were
the first guy
451
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:10,078
Who didn't seem
to be interested in me
452
00:19:10,146 --> 00:19:13,248
Just because of my
enormous inheritance.
453
00:19:22,693 --> 00:19:24,860
How did
the tv taping go?
454
00:19:24,928 --> 00:19:26,995
Oh, man,
I was on fire.
455
00:19:27,063 --> 00:19:28,997
I sizzled. I sauteed.
I baked. I browned.
456
00:19:29,065 --> 00:19:30,999
Then I figured
I might as well
457
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:33,803
Get off the beach
and go do the show.
458
00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:35,037
Well, how did it go?
459
00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:38,207
Great, once I got
into the studio.
460
00:19:38,274 --> 00:19:40,008
Is sophia
still picketing?
461
00:19:41,911 --> 00:19:45,247
Yeah. Man, that old lady
can work a bullhorn.
462
00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:48,684
Roland,
we've been talking
463
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:52,120
And we both realize
that we owe you
a little apology.
464
00:19:52,188 --> 00:19:53,856
Oh, well, thanks.
465
00:19:53,923 --> 00:19:56,425
It all started
because we were
worried about you.
466
00:19:56,493 --> 00:19:58,461
We thought you were
working too hard.
467
00:19:58,528 --> 00:20:00,429
You know why
I'm working so hard?
468
00:20:00,497 --> 00:20:03,466
I'm trying to teach
you three ladies
the hotel business.
469
00:20:03,533 --> 00:20:05,501
I can't trust you
with the hotel yet.
470
00:20:05,569 --> 00:20:07,035
We're not going
to do anything
471
00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:08,671
To hurt our own business.
472
00:20:08,739 --> 00:20:10,673
Boy, it's
hot out there.
473
00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:13,942
Do you mind
if I picket
around the desk?
474
00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:16,412
Roland, I think
it's really sweet
475
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,880
That you worry
about us,
476
00:20:17,947 --> 00:20:19,281
But you have
to understand,
477
00:20:19,349 --> 00:20:21,049
We worry
about you, too.
478
00:20:21,117 --> 00:20:22,551
We can't help it.
479
00:20:22,619 --> 00:20:24,019
You're family now.
480
00:20:24,087 --> 00:20:25,888
You consider me
family? Come on.
481
00:20:25,955 --> 00:20:29,425
For heaven's sake,
we work together,
we live together.
482
00:20:29,493 --> 00:20:31,260
You're
like a son to us.
483
00:20:31,327 --> 00:20:33,662
We were worried
you weren't
getting any.
484
00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:41,670
I'm really fond
of you guys, too,
485
00:20:41,738 --> 00:20:43,706
But in the future,
please don't go
486
00:20:43,774 --> 00:20:46,575
Messing around
in my love life.
487
00:20:46,643 --> 00:20:48,911
This matchmaking
just doesn't work.
488
00:20:48,978 --> 00:20:51,647
Ready to go
for lunch, rol?
489
00:20:51,715 --> 00:20:54,750
O.K., this time
you got lucky.
490
00:20:57,053 --> 00:21:00,489
So roland's going out
with joanne, huh?
491
00:21:00,557 --> 00:21:05,861
I'd say our score
is chuckleheads, 1,
tramps, nothing.
492
00:21:07,664 --> 00:21:10,399
Hey. Will you
be o.K. Without me?
493
00:21:10,467 --> 00:21:11,700
Go ahead.
We're capable
494
00:21:11,768 --> 00:21:13,001
Of running
this hotel.
495
00:21:13,069 --> 00:21:14,303
[ring]
496
00:21:17,507 --> 00:21:19,909
Golden palace.
497
00:21:19,976 --> 00:21:22,978
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institute, inc.
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