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1
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,408
(GATE CREAKlNG)
2
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(SCREECHlNG)
3
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(DOG HOWLlNG)
4
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,068
(SCREECHlNG)
5
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,772
(lNDlSTlNCT WHlSPERlNG)
6
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,849
(CACKLlNG)
7
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(CRYPTKEEPER SPEAKlNG)
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Son of Dracula.
Return of the Son of Dracula.
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The Son of Dracula's Revenge?
Is that all you can do? Vampire movies?
10
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I'm afraid that's not good enough.
11
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You'd have to be a bite more versatile
12
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to be on the frighting staff of
Tales from the Crypt.
13
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Oh, hello, creeps. As you can see,
we've got an opening for a story dead-itor.
14
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I've been conducting chop interviews
all morning.
15
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:06,892
No one seems to get what I'm looking for.
16
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(SlGHS)
17
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Oh, well. Let's see who's next.
18
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,460
Interesting, a brother team.
19
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Grimm, I think I've heard of them.
20
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This has potential, boils and ghouls.
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It's a twisted bit of gorytelling
about three scaracters you may recognize
22
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at first.
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It's called the "Third Pig."
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NARRATOR: Once upon a time,
there were three little piggies.
25
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Their names were Dudley,
Drinky and Smokey.
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What are you looking at?
27
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NARRATOR:
Dudley Pig was the smartest of the three.
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He lived in a sturdy house made of bricks
which he kept very neat and tidy.
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Drinky lived in a house
made out of an old whiskey keg.
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(BURPS)
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While Smokey lived in a house made out
of cigarettes and wooden matchsticks.
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(CAT SCREECHES)
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To say that Drinky and Smokey
weren 't as smart as their brother Dudley
34
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would be putting it mildly
35
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as both were sorely lacking
in the brain department.
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Drinky only thought about one thing.
Well, maybe two things.
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While Smokey...
Smokey didn 't think of anything at all.
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In this happy neighborhood
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there also lived a devious and hungry wolf.
40
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Mr. Wolf was bad as could be.
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(CRASHlNG)
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(DOG BARKlNG)
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And he had a ra venous appetite.
44
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(CLEARS THROAT)
45
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(lNHALlNG)
46
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:59,383
More ice, I tell you. More ice.
47
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:06,977
(lNHALlNG)
48
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:23,727
(lNHALlNG)
49
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,074
(GRUNTlNG)
50
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:40,345
Damn! I know you porkers are inside.
You can run but you can't hide.
51
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:43,348
I'll get you damn pigs
if it's the last thing I do.
52
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You, you... Oh, what rhymes with "you"?
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I'm not a damn poet.
54
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,925
Why does everything always
have to rhyme in these things?
55
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I can't help it.
56
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:57,729
No one talks like that
in these stupid, freaking...
57
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,731
I sound like a Hallmark card or something.
58
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No one talks like that.
59
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NARRATOR: And so the wolf left
without his dinner and angry
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because he couldn 't end his speech
on a very good rhyme.
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(GLASS SHATTERlNG)
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NARRATOR: And the piggies slept safely
through the night.
63
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(OWL HOOTlNG)
64
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(ROOSTER CROWlNG)
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00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:23,083
NARRATOR: Come the morning,
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Drinky and Smokey were very, very sad.
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00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,660
(WAlLlNG)
68
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:35,901
And so you see, brother dear,
we've got nowhere to go.
69
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:40,822
That big, bad wolf wrecked our homes,
don't you know?
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He scared us so badly we ran and ran.
71
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:49,741
Now I guess we'll have to live
in a garbage can.
72
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:55,854
Nonsense, you two,
you can move in with me.
73
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This house made of brick is very sturdy,
you see?
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DUDLEY: That blowhard old wolf
could never knock it down.
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It's the strongest house
in the whole darn town.
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00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:11,069
NARRATOR: Well, the two dumb brothers
wasted no time
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in taking their smart brother up
on his generous offer.
78
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Drinky and Smokey moved
their few possessions
79
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into their brother's house.
80
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:24,283
Well, to say that Drinky and Smokey
didn 't treat their smart brother kindly
81
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,218
would be an understatement.
82
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They always sent him out on errands
83
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and made him cook and clean up
after them.
84
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:35,961
(M USlC BLARlNG)
85
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The two brothers weren 't the best guests
Dudley had ever had.
86
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:43,068
Drinky and Smokey
threw all-night parties with booze
87
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and ladies of easy virtue.
88
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:48,140
(PEOPLE GRUNTlNG)
89
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,341
(WOM EN MOANlNG)
90
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:53,946
I say, brothers dear,
could you be a little more quiet?
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00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:57,807
I thought that the city was having a riot.
92
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:05,554
NARRATOR: They partied all night
and watched television all day.
93
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:10,395
I say, you two, how's the job hunt going?
94
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This pain in my back
shows no sign of slowing.
95
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It's true, brother dear,
that it's jobs that we need,
96
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:22,808
but the horrible truth is
we don't know how to read.
97
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,309
(GUFFAWlNG)
98
00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:29,615
NARRATOR: Dudley the Pig knew
that his brothers meant well.
99
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:33,285
It wasn 't their fault
that they were born with slow minds.
100
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He preferred to remember the good times.
Yes, the good times.
101
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But for the life of him
he couldn 't remember any good times.
102
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,966
Hey, brother dear,
what're you standing there for?
103
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Y eah!
We're out of beer, now get to the store.
104
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,639
I'll go to the store, but you better beware.
105
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That nasty, old wolf
is still out there somewhere.
106
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So close all the windows
and lock up the door,
107
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it won't take me long
to get back from the store.
108
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:06,451
NARRATOR: And so the smart, little piggy
went to the market
109
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to get some beer for his lazy brothers.
110
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But as fate would ha ve it,
111
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that was the moment
the bad, old wolf chose to arrive.
112
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When I find a way in,
that's when I attacks!
113
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:24,450
And soon I'll be dining
on sweet baby backs.
114
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,650
(DOOR BELL RlNGlNG)
115
00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:42,321
Say, brother dear,
who on earth could that be?
116
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I'll go to the peephole and take a look-see.
117
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,861
(DOOR BELL CONTlNUES RlNGlNG)
118
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Oh, please can't you help me?
119
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,100
I'm filled with distress.
120
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:58,837
I'm a poor swimsuit model
who just lost her dress.
121
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If you'd let me inside,
I'd be ever so grateful,
122
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:06,044
and I think that you'll find me
to be extra playful.
123
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:09,965
NARRATOR:
Smokey couldn't believe the luck.
124
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:15,153
There's a cute girl outside
and she wants to come in!
125
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:19,544
Well, let her in, stupid,
so the fun can begin.
126
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,694
Come right on in, Miss...
127
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:33,638
Well, well, well, what have we here?
128
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:37,008
Looks like two little piggies
but where is the third?
129
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I'll start with you two and then I'll...
130
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:42,446
Oh, the hell with it!
131
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:46,318
NARRATOR: And so, even though
the wolf still couldn 't find a rhyme
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to go with "third" he...
133
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:55,357
Will you shut up about that? You try it.
I haven't heard you do one rhyme yet.
134
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,742
(SCREAMlNG)
135
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,884
(SCREAMlNG)
136
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:25,489
(GROWLlNG)
137
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:24,009
NARRATOR:
And when he was done, he left.
138
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:29,087
Soon after the wolfhad left,
Dudley returned home.
139
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:32,991
He was startled
to find the door wide open.
140
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:37,172
Hello, brothers dear,
I'm back with the beer.
141
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,183
Hello? Police?
142
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:01,419
Well, when I came home,
and when I opened the door,
143
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:05,757
there was blood on the ceiling,
chopped off hands on the floor.
144
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:09,261
I think the wolf did it,
that shifty old tramp.
145
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:13,465
There's blood all over the place.
The gore is still damp.
146
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:17,202
My God, there's intestines strung
round the lamp!
147
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:20,839
The address on the house is
Pig Number Three.
148
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,943
Jesus Christ!
There's a severed head on the TV.
149
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:28,747
Be quick! Be quick!
Please hurry here quick!
150
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:32,517
I think that I'm going to be violently sick.
151
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:35,018
(RETCHlNG)
152
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,255
(NARRATOR SPEAKlNG)
153
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,129
Hooray! Hooray!
154
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:49,450
At last I can cheer.
The frigging police are finally here!
155
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,174
Oh, thank goodness! At last.
156
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:59,678
You're the chief I would guess.
Well, come on inside,
157
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,179
take a look at this mess.
158
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:09,254
It must have been that bad, old wolf.
Oh, my Lordy!
159
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:13,458
Only he could be responsible
for a scene that's this gory.
160
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:17,899
Come, come, Mr. Pig,
let's not make up a story.
161
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,933
But... But I didn't do it.
I just walked in here.
162
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:25,927
I said I'm not guilty! Let go of my ear!
163
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:29,574
My, my, Mr. Pig,
what a mess you have here.
164
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:33,909
But to me,
your motive seems perfectly clear.
165
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:40,251
You killed both your brothers
'cause they drank all your beer!
166
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:42,554
I'm not guilty, I say!
167
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:46,755
Throw him in jail or he'll sing that all day.
168
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,262
NARRATOR: And early the next day,
169
00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:54,466
poor, innocent Dudley found himself
in court.
170
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,700
Y'all be a-rising.
171
00:13:55,701 --> 00:14:01,241
The Honorable Judge Vic
"Leave 'Em Hanging" Johnson presiding.
172
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,780
Order! Order!
173
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:15,152
Now that we're all in,
the State vs. Dudley Pig can begin.
174
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:19,055
-How do you plead?
-Not guilty.
175
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,161
That's how you plead?
176
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:27,282
Oh, I think that I've heard all that I need.
177
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,935
I've got me a golf game,
and I'm in a big hurry.
178
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:34,973
I think I'm gonna hand this one off
to the jury.
179
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:38,204
-Okay, big daddy.
-Okay, big daddy.
180
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:49,554
The jury is back and a verdict they've got.
181
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:53,821
Is the pig guilty or is the pig not?
182
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:58,596
-Oh, brother, is he guilty!
-Oh, brother, is he guilty!
183
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,532
(GASPlNG)
184
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:04,102
Sorry, son, the system's done all it can.
185
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:09,507
I sentence you to die in this frying pan.
186
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:15,013
NARRATOR: Poor Dudley Pig.
What a blow fate had dealt this porker.
187
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:18,184
Oh, woe is me. My heart is achin'.
188
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:22,220
For come the 'morrow,
I'll just be fried bacon.
189
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:29,461
That nasty wolf, why, it's his fault
that I am locked up inside this dank vault.
190
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:33,228
My dear sweet brothers once again to see,
191
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:37,531
would be the only wish
that I'd wish for me.
192
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,945
Dear brother Dudley, what's all the fuss?
193
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,782
We've got something to say,
better listen to us.
194
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:55,086
Holy smoke! My dead brothers!
To see you is swell.
195
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:59,090
Tell me, are things as hot
as they say down in hell?
196
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:01,059
A bit warm, it's true,
197
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:03,428
but we're here with
an important mission for you.
198
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:06,097
We'll help you escape and that is no goof,
199
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:10,268
but you must bring us revenge
by killing the wolf!
200
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:14,405
NARRATOR: And with that,
the ghostly piggies lifted their brother up
201
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:20,176
and with some effort
pulled him through the window of his cell.
202
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:24,547
(D UD LEY SCR EAM I NG )
203
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:30,722
What is this broken down pla ce
full of rats?
204
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,958
The abandoned castle of a mad doctor,
in fact.
205
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:36,789
A mad proctologist to be exact.
206
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,665
But you can still use it
'cause the lab's still intact.
207
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:44,002
Use it?
For what, oh, dead brothers of mine?
208
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,739
To build a monster,
so revenge we can find!
209
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,642
You can learn how from reading this book.
210
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:55,033
It's an ancient grimoire,
but just take a look.
211
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:59,818
You will learn how to bring our plan
to fruition.
212
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,687
And you won't even have to pay
any tuition.
213
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:06,191
Goodbye, brother Dudley.
Save our souls from this pain.
214
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,828
You must stop that wolf
from killing again!
215
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,598
That wolf must be stopped,
my brothers are right.
216
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:17,057
I'll get busy this very night.
217
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,203
(THUNDER CRACKlNG)
218
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,637
(THUNDER RUMBLlNG)
219
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:01,679
(SlGHS)
220
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,911
Now at last my dark deed is done.
221
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:08,977
Life will soon be yours, oh, hideous one.
222
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:16,928
After hours of toiling and sweat and strife,
223
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:21,957
I summon the powers
to give my creature life.
224
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,472
(CACKLlNG)
225
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:54,732
NARRATOR: And then the zombie pig
monster sat up and said something
226
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:58,225
that Dudley pig will never forget.
227
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,672
(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
228
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:08,574
The lifeless mass I have revived,
now I can say it's alive!
229
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:12,743
Live! Live! Live!
230
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:19,283
This wolf must die, that is my will.
231
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:23,988
I order you to kill. Kill, kill, kill, kill.
232
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,497
Kill. I will.
233
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,936
NARRATOR: And so,
the zombie pig monster
234
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:35,106
shambled out the door of the castle
235
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,543
to find and kill the big, bad wolf.
236
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:48,353
WOLF: You should have seen the look
on that little pig's face
237
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,889
as he was branded with guilt
and led away in disgrace.
238
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:54,625
I think it's funny. I just don't care.
239
00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,962
In the morning that pig will be fried
in the chair.
240
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,464
(WOLF CACKLlNG)
241
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:02,166
Well, I guess that's enough for one night.
242
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:06,787
I'll go visit Bo Peep,
she won't put up a fight.
243
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:13,845
NARRATOR: And the naughty wolf
left that dark den ofiniquity
244
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,847
and went off to molest Bo Peep.
245
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:18,383
But he hadn 't gone far into the woods
246
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:23,414
when he got the distinct feeling
he was being followed.
247
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,292
(WHlSTLES)
248
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:44,409
That's a relief. It was only the trees.
249
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:48,430
I thought for a moment
I might have been...
250
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:51,149
What rhymes with trees?
251
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,650
(GROWLlNG)
252
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,560
Oh, Mr. Monster, don't eat me, oh, please.
253
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:05,897
I forgot to mention
my horrible skin disease.
254
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,365
Hey, that rhymed.
255
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:09,866
(ROARS)
256
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:23,214
(BURPS)
257
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,250
NARRATOR: And though the zombie pig
had done his job,
258
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:30,588
poor little Dudley pig was ha ving
second thoughts about what he had done.
259
00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:33,456
What have I done?
260
00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:37,295
One horrible monster from the world
I have rid,
261
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,993
but created another, that's what I did.
262
00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:44,832
This abomination must not continue.
263
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:48,923
I'll have to dismember it
sinew from sinew.
264
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:58,081
(ZOMBlE PlG ROARlNG)
265
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:04,322
(LAUGHlNG)
266
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:11,813
Little pig, little pig, quit stabbing my head.
You can't kill what's already dead.
267
00:23:02,447 --> 00:23:05,177
DUDLEY: Must destroy!
268
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,720
(LAUGHlNG)
269
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,628
(GASPlNG)
270
00:23:17,629 --> 00:23:19,997
I love this ending, I think it's neat.
271
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:25,208
And I've one thing to say.
"Pork, the other light meat."
272
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:32,909
(BURPS)
273
00:23:36,548 --> 00:23:39,183
I don't know about you, kiddies,
274
00:23:39,184 --> 00:23:42,587
but I was glad to see the wolf
hit one out of the pork.
275
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,155
(CHUCKLES)
276
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:47,825
Still, an hour from now,
he'll be hungry again
277
00:23:47,826 --> 00:23:50,094
and bacon for more.
278
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:52,595
(CACKLlNG)
279
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,101
You'll be happy to know, creeps,
280
00:23:57,102 --> 00:24:01,839
that it looks like that opening
I told you about has been filled.
281
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:07,437
Once we hammer out
a few creative stiff-rences that is.
282
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,613
(CACKLlNG)
22278
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